Flexibility and the art of negotiation

An important trait for leaders as well as team and board members is that of flexibility: the ability to live with a certain ambiguity and the willingness to put aside one's personal preferences when necessary for the good of the group. 


Inflexible leaders (or team or board members) come off as autocratic and often as arrogant (whether they intend to or not) because they need to have their way. Their thinking is black and white and they are willing to die on hills not worth dying on. It creates great frustration for people around them who cannot figure out what the inflexibility is about.


With inflexibility comes a critical spirit because alternate ideas or choices are by nature the wrong ones. Thus, creative dialogue is stifled, killing healthy robust dialogue at the best and creating conflict at the worst as others push for a different and common solution.


I will never knowingly put an inflexible, black and white individual on a team because it will hurt the team. Nor will I put such an individual into leadership because they cannot lead collaboratively. In fact, inflexible leaders would be counterculture and destructive to our organization that is highly empowered and collegial. 


There are certainly black and white issues - integrity and sin for instance. But much of life is gray - neither black and white - where we make choices from among many options, none of which are either right or wrong. They are simply choices. In my fifties, I am far more flexible than I was in my twenties. I am less sure about many things but more sure about a few things. 


If you struggle with inflexibility, ask yourself these questions:

• If we do this, what is the worst that could happen?
• Am I willing to humble myself to the will of the group?
• Can I trust that the Holy Spirit will speak through the group?
• Why do I need to have my way?
• Why am I anxious about this decision?

Negotiation is the art of dialogue around those issues where we come at them from a different perspective than others. An inflexible individual tends not to dialogue but to push for their way. Flexible individuals are able to have a conversation around their differences and in the process usually come to a solution that is actually better than any of the individual solutions proposed. 

Ironically, the willingness to talk through differences often gets you closer to what you would have wished. That dialogue is actually negotiation if done with an open spirit.

Can I disagree with you and still keep my relationship with you?

One of the signs of emotional maturity is the ability to disagree with someone and still remain connected relationally. All too often, Christian leaders are unable to do this because they are threatened by those who do not agree with them. I have seen numerous cases, for instance, where a leader or member of a church is marginalized by the senior pastor when that individual disagrees with them.


Leaders who are unable to maintain relationship with those who disagree with them usually divide people into two camps: those that are for me and those that are against me. To live in the first camp usually means to agree with their leader. One gets moved to the second camp when one disagrees with their leader. It is a black and white, for and against world view that damages relationships, hurts the leadership potential of the leader who chooses to marginalize others and divides organizations and congregations. 


Often, church boards are divided by this thinking as the pastor divides in his mind and therefore his relationships those that are for him and those that are against him. It is a toxic behavior.


Here is an interesting question: What lies behind this kind of marginalization of someone who disagrees? I would suggest two answers: insecurity and pride.


Insecurity compels many leaders to need to be right. Anything that challenges their rightness becomes a threat and thus their marginalization of those who disagree with them. The need to be right and its resulting behaviors often masks great insecurity.


Pride and at its worst, narcissism, can also be at the root of this behavior. By definition, a narcissist must be right and anyone who challenges their world view is disregarded, marginalized (ignored) or becomes the enemy. To put it in Facebook terms they are summarily defriended.


This is obviously a tricky issue to confront as the moment one does, one is likely to be marginalized. Boards, because of their authority, can, if they are willing, confront the behavior of a leader. If he or she responds, it will be the kindest thing they ever did. If the issue is narcissism, it is unlikely that there will be any change and the board then has a deeper problem to deal with.


All of us, however, should ask ourselves the question as to whether we exhibit this kind of behavior. It divides, assigns ill motives and hurts teams and organizations. Lets make sure that we are not guilty.

Leadership and ministry commitments of the Apostle Paul for our lives

Neither ministry or ministry leadership is easy. If you lead in God's kingdom or do ministry as a way of life, you know that there is a cost to be paid. The Apostle Paul is a great model of one who lead and ministered well and he had several commitments that made his ministry powerful.

In his final charge to Timothy, the Apostle Paul makes a statement about his life and work which ought to be carefully considered by all Christ followers and leaders. He specifically lists nine things that he wants Timothy to remember and consider for his own life and leadership. These nine characteristics ought to apply to everyone, not just leaders.

"You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance, persecutions, Sufferings...(2 Timothy 3:10-11).

Teaching 

We know from Paul's own messages, writing and admonitions to Timothy and Titus how careful and thorough Paul's teaching was. He never took his teaching lightly and he was a master at both theology and practical application. His teaching was never divorced from the text or from the realities of every day life. Would those who know us best say that about us?

Way of life

Paul lived in a way that was consistent with his teaching - a major challenge for all Christian leaders. Not only was his teaching above reproach but his life was as well. There was no dichotomy between how he lived and what he taught - and Timothy knew this because he had traveled and worked with Paul and knew him inside and out.  My test for this is whether my spouse and closest colleagues would say that my way of life is consistent with what I write, speak and teach?

Purpose

Paul, like all good leaders was crystal clear on his focus and purpose which was to bring God's Gospel to the Gentiles. That God given purpose drove all of his activities, energy and direction. His was not an accidental life but an intentional purpose driven life. Would those around us say the same about us and would they be able to articulate what motivates and drives us?

Faith

Paul's teaching, way of life and purpose were all driven by a deep, abiding faith in the living God who was able to work powerfully in any situation in which he found himself. One of the amazing things about Paul, given the terrific suffering he experienced and the crazy situations he found himself in was that he was always optimistic and always confident of God's ability accomplish through him what needed to be accomplished. This was a direct reflection of his faith in God.

Patience

There is no ministry without a great deal of patience. Ministry takes time, people can be slow to respond, they can disappoint and do dumb things. That is why anyone who is going to lead or be involved in ministry must develop the same patience that God has for us. It is the patience that understands that growth takes place as the Holy Spirit works in people's lives and cannot be forced by us. Impatience with people is usually a sign that we are not content to let the Holy Spirit do His work. Would those we minister to describe us as patient?

Love

I am always amazed reading Paul's letters to folks, how much love he expresses toward them, including some pretty intransigent folks. Love for God and love for people are prerequisites for anyone in ministry. Without a real love for people, knowing that they are made in His Image, we cannot minister to them in ways that exude  His love. It is the love of Jesus that compels us to love all those whom He made, even the most unlovable from the world's point of view. Interestingly, those we minister too are often able to determine whether our ministry is driven by our own needs, desires and ego or by a genuine love for them.

Endurance

Paul never quit! He never retired from ministry! He did not allow the discouragements he encountered from both believers and non-believers to take him out of the game! Going the distance and staying the course is the mark of a good soldier who endures the hardships of war which is why Paul uses that metaphor with Timothy along with that of running the race and claiming the prize.  It is one thing to do ministry when times are easy. It is another when times are hard and it is all that one can do to hang on. Endurance is the willingness to go the distance and to do so without complaint or feeling sorry for ourselves.

Persecutions

Jesus said that all who follow Him will face persecution and Paul had his share of it. What is interesting is that rather than complain about persecution, Paul regarded it as a badge of honor to suffer for His Lord. He expected it, told others to expect it, assumed that it would happen to any who faithfully followed Jesus and wore he his badges of persecution as his credentials as a follower of Jesus. His persecution sometimes came from those who called themselves Christ followers and sometimes from pagans who did not. We should not be surprised by either form as well. The hardest persecution is always from those inside Jesus' camp who ought to know better.

Sufferings

Like persecution, Paul spoke willingly and often of the sufferings he endured for the cause of Jesus. More than that, he saw it as a privilege to suffer on behalf on Jesus. He told the Philippians, "For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him (Philippians 1:29)." He said that "I want to know Christ - yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings (Philippians 3:10)." Not once did Paul complain about the suffering he endured for Jesus. Could the same be said for us?

How do we measure up to these nine characteristics of Paul's life and ministry? Where are we doing well and where do we need to revise our attitudes? These nine characteristics make for a very powerful ministry combination. What would those closest to us say?

Essential life questions

1. The one thing in my life I could not give up is...
2. If I could change one thing about my circumstances it would be...
3. My besetting sin is...
4. My greatest spiritual growth came as a result of...
5. The thing that brings me greatest joy is...
6. If I could fix one relationship it would be...
7. God uses me the most through...
8. My greatest need for prayer revolves around...
9. My greatest regret is...
10. I feel closest to God when...
11. I find it hardest to trust God regarding...
12. The issue God is talking to me about currently is...
13. If I knew I had one month to live I would...
14. God's greatest gift to me has been...
15. I am deeply thankful today for...

Is there anything you should do as a result of your answers?

Biblical illiteracy and its implications in the evangelical world

My parents generation knew their Bibles because they actually read it regularly and were taught the major theological terms/themes and their implications. My generation knows about the Bible because we read Christian living books once in a while but basic theology is weak. So what happens with my children's generation and the next? 

Each generation of believers is one generation away from biblical illiteracy and that illiteracy is very real today among evangelicals. As I pointed out in another blog (An essential Biblical vocabulary), many believers, including church leaders cannot even define the most basic theological terms which the Bible uses to define faith, our human condition, God's work on the cross, His work in our lives nor do they understand that God is calling them not only to salvation but to join Him in His work.

This illiteracy problem is also tied to the content of our preaching today which is often so geared to be "practical and relevant" that it becomes more self help and about us than about God who is the source and goal of our  lives. In fact, whenever our teaching and preaching is more focused on us than on God we know that the balance has shifted from Him to us - a subtle but deadly shift. The Scriptures are living water for our souls because the lead us to Him. The more we drink the more satisfied we are.

The result of this is inevitable: A cultural Christianity with a general knowledge about God but not a biblical Christianity with a specific knowledge of God. That is a subtle but deadly shift.

We vastly underestimate the power of God's word to actually bring change to people's live through the work of the Holy Spirit - including our own. As Paul said in 2 Timothy 3:16-17, "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."

Notice the the integral connection between our understanding of Scripture, its formative work in our lives and our resulting work on behalf of God and His Kingdom. These are all tied together and all related to our interaction with His Word and His Spirit as we read that Word. There is no substitute in our spiritual formation for direct, regular, honest, personal interaction with His Word. 

I would encourage all church leaders to consider these questions:

1. Do we have an ongoing plan to influence our congregation to be in God's word regularly so that there is no-one who calls themselves a Christ follower who is not regularly in the Book?
2. Do those in our congregation understand and can they articulate the theological concepts of the Bible? (If they cannot they most likely do not have a Scripturally based understanding of God and man)
3. Are you raising up a generation of young people who know their Bibles and interact with it regularly? Do they understand the basics of of the faith? Can they articulate them?
4. Finally, what is the quality of the church leaders' interaction with Scripture and are they theologically literate? If not it starts with you!

We would not settle for illiteracy when it comes to reading. Why do we so easily settle for illiteracy when it comes to God and His Word? Speaking of relevance - there is nothing more relevant than what God wants us to know about Him, to do in response, to understand and to apply to our lives. That is real relevance.

What I wish my supporters understood about my work as a missionary

As I write this blog I am in Berlin, Germany, one of the most secular, diverse, post Christian, cities of the world - and the cultural capital of Europe. If you want to share the Gospel in places like this literally none of what we are used to in the United States applies. Church is irrelevant and foreign, programs are ignored and evangelistic events for the most part mean nothing. What does mean something is relationship - deep, personal friendships that give one the ability to share the Gospel and that means adopting the very methods of Jesus who spent a great deal of time with people we would not in places we would not.

I asked our staff recently what they wish their supporters understood about their work. This reply was particularly insightful and it illustrates the challenge of ministry in a totally secular context where the concept of God is not even understood. You will find the response fascinating, challenging and a perhaps uncomfortable - as did the disciples and pharisees with some of Jesus' relationships. 

"I would love to see supporters have a more thorough understanding of what it means to relate to non-Christians in meaningful ways. Most of my supporters would probably say they understand evangelism and how much time it requires in building relationships and exposing people to the gospel. They have a heart to see non-Christians reached with the gospel. But they are used to a programatic model, evangelistic events, and using a church building as a central point of ministry. They have very little understanding of what it means to step into a community without the remnants of Evangelicalism and be immersed in the lives of non-Christians. Although they may understand that a culture needs Jesus, they have not thought through what that means for social interactions, evangelism, and developing relationships with non-believers.

"My supporters understand I am reaching out to non-Christians, but they don´t understand the implications it has on my life. It is my job to get into the world of non-Christians and pursue them, to understand them and to relate to them on their turf.  It would be arrogant to wait for them to come to me--and that means I am in bars, cafes, nightclubs, street parties. It means I am regularly exposed to alcohol, tobacco, drugs, pornography. It means I am around men and women who not only adhere to the gay lifestyle but demonstrate it openly.  It means I am rubbing shoulders with people that are not upstanding, people who are literally doing the wrong thing...and people who would never attend an official evangelistic event (let alone go in a church building!). 

"As I think about communicating with my supporters, I am often concerned that what I share will jeophardize my support rather than build confidence in my effectiveness. I would love to share more about how valuable and worthwhile it is to work through the issues that come up as I hang out with my gay friend or stay out until 5am because that is when my friends are available. I do think it is important to communicate what the lostness of a culture looks like--how it plays out in everyday life--but it is difficult to be open with the messiness of it when my lifestyle choices would be labeled as ¨sin¨ by some supporters!  This sentiment may be felt more acutely in European, post-Christian contexts, but I know that there were times in Latin America where many Christian workers felt the same. 

"I would love for supporters to understand that reaching out to non-Christians is uncomfortable, risky, and messy. I am committed to living a Godly life, but that doesn´t mean I can avoid the parts of culture that make Christians in the US uneasy. Part of my job is figuring out how the Holy Spirit is leading me to interact with non-Christians considering the opportunities that exist. And that is much easier said in a missions committee meeting than done."

Insightful words. Now remember why the Pharisees were so shocked at who Jesus spent time with and where. And even the disciples. Incarnational ministry takes Jesus to where people are, develops true friendships and is willing to step into their lives in order to share the good news of Jesus. What might the implications be for our evangelism strategies in the United States or elsewhere?

The dark side of leadership

Insightful article on the dark side of leadership which we ignore at our peril.