Good leaders have good EQ! They understand its implications, know themselves and tendencies for good and bad, manage their shadow side, are open to input, are non defensive, empathetic and always growing their Emotional Intelligence.
I am convinced that poor EQ is responsible for more poor leadership behaviors more than any other single factor. One can understand leadership principles, have vision and be able to deliver on it but if one has poor EQ, that one factor will significantly get in the way of their leadership because it negatively impacts those around them.
One must have a desire to grow their EQ but it is not without cost. It means that we are willing to confront, accept and deal with our shadow side. I spoke with leader recently who said, for years people would say he was intimidating and he always figured it was their problem until one day he accepted the fact that it was indeed how he was often perceived and started to manage the behaviors that caused the negative reaction to his communication style.
Here is the reason that many don't grow their EQ. It means that we have to listen to others and hear things about ourselves that we don't want to hear. It means that we must be willing to own the truth of those parts of our behaviors that hurt others and finally it means that we need to manage our behaviors so that they don't negatively impact others. Of course, we become better people, better leaders and are a lot easier to work with when we do.
At its root, good EQ is all about humility. The humility to hear, to learn to modify our behaviors and to not need to be right or to guard our pride and reputation. At its root, bad EQ is often about pride - the defenses we put up so that we don't have to confront the real us. That is why the best leaders are always humble leaders. Humility is the necessary ingredient to face truth in our lives and to commit ourselves to personal growth.
The irony in not owning up to our dark side is that it is not a secret to others. We are the only ones who don't get it. Those around us get it well as they must live with its consequences on their lives. Thus we lose nothing by acknowledging our deficits and working to manage them. In fact, our openness to our weaknesses brings the respect of others. Transparency is a valued asset in leadership.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Five questions every good manager periodically asks their staff
The reality of leadership is that generally staff will often not tell us key things unless we ask. When we ask, however, we are likely to get a straight answer. Wise leaders ask these five questions periodically of their staff.
1. Is there anything that I do which causes problems for you or disempowers you?
2. Is there anything that you wish I would do differently?
3. Do you need anything from me?
4. Are you fulfilled in your role and do you believe your gifts are being used to their fullest?
5. What is your happiness factor (1-10)? What would make it higher?
Five simple questions that can create healthy dialogue and significantly enhance your working relationship with staff.
1. Is there anything that I do which causes problems for you or disempowers you?
2. Is there anything that you wish I would do differently?
3. Do you need anything from me?
4. Are you fulfilled in your role and do you believe your gifts are being used to their fullest?
5. What is your happiness factor (1-10)? What would make it higher?
Five simple questions that can create healthy dialogue and significantly enhance your working relationship with staff.
Friday, August 31, 2012
12 ways leaders disempower those they lead
Here are twelve common ways that leaders can disempower those they lead. If you lead others, think about whether any of these apply to you. When leaders engage in these behaviors they lose the trust and confidence of those they lead.
Don't delegate authority with responsibility
This is particularly disempowering when one is asked to do something but they do not have the authority to get it done. It is a no win situation for everyone involved and displays a lack of trust on the part of a supervisor.
Redoing what staff have done
Yes there are times when it is necessary to tweak what staff have done but a propensity to redo their work on a regular basis disempowers otherwise good staff. This includes situations where one is tasked to solve a problem and then the solution proposed is rejected.
Surprises that create consternation
None of us like surprises and when those surprises create extra work for staff it can be very discouraging. Especially if they could have been given a heads up earlier.
Dismissing ideas out of hand
Good leaders encourage innovation and new ideas. When they are dismissed out of hand, however, they send a strong signal that they are not wanted.
Declare rather than dialogue
None of us like to simply be told what to do. We desire a voice in a decision if it impacts us. In general, declarations disempower while dialogue empowers.
Take credit rather than giving it away
This is one of the most toxic things a leader can do when the credit really belongs to others on the team. It is a sign of narcissism and devalues those who made something happen.
Talk rather than listen
Anytime a leader speaks more than they listen one has a disempowering leader. They are not interested in what others have to say but what they have to tell.
Don't give equal regard to men and women
Unfortunately this remains an issue in the Christian world. Unequal treatment of men and women is wrong and it disempowers women.
Lack of equal treatment and fairness
When leaders give preferential treatment to someone others take note of the disparity. It is a lack of fairness which disempowers others on the team.
Using the God card
Christian leaders who use the God card - "God told me to do this" - leave others with nowhere to go in dialogue, especially if they have questions of the wisdom of the decision. How do you argue with God?
Double standards
This especially applies to leaders who live and work one way but expect their team to live an work another way. Leaders cannot ask their staff to go where they are not willing to go.
Don't keep them challenged
I commonly find staff who are under challenged and under utilized but their leader has never even asked so they don't know. Not being challenged in one's role carries with it serious disempowerment.
Don't delegate authority with responsibility
This is particularly disempowering when one is asked to do something but they do not have the authority to get it done. It is a no win situation for everyone involved and displays a lack of trust on the part of a supervisor.
Redoing what staff have done
Yes there are times when it is necessary to tweak what staff have done but a propensity to redo their work on a regular basis disempowers otherwise good staff. This includes situations where one is tasked to solve a problem and then the solution proposed is rejected.
Surprises that create consternation
None of us like surprises and when those surprises create extra work for staff it can be very discouraging. Especially if they could have been given a heads up earlier.
Dismissing ideas out of hand
Good leaders encourage innovation and new ideas. When they are dismissed out of hand, however, they send a strong signal that they are not wanted.
Declare rather than dialogue
None of us like to simply be told what to do. We desire a voice in a decision if it impacts us. In general, declarations disempower while dialogue empowers.
Take credit rather than giving it away
This is one of the most toxic things a leader can do when the credit really belongs to others on the team. It is a sign of narcissism and devalues those who made something happen.
Talk rather than listen
Anytime a leader speaks more than they listen one has a disempowering leader. They are not interested in what others have to say but what they have to tell.
Don't give equal regard to men and women
Unfortunately this remains an issue in the Christian world. Unequal treatment of men and women is wrong and it disempowers women.
Lack of equal treatment and fairness
When leaders give preferential treatment to someone others take note of the disparity. It is a lack of fairness which disempowers others on the team.
Using the God card
Christian leaders who use the God card - "God told me to do this" - leave others with nowhere to go in dialogue, especially if they have questions of the wisdom of the decision. How do you argue with God?
Double standards
This especially applies to leaders who live and work one way but expect their team to live an work another way. Leaders cannot ask their staff to go where they are not willing to go.
Don't keep them challenged
I commonly find staff who are under challenged and under utilized but their leader has never even asked so they don't know. Not being challenged in one's role carries with it serious disempowerment.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
The art of managing up and valuing those who do
I have an amazing staff and one of the things I appreciate about them the most is that they manage up well. In other words, they are skilled at managing me as their leader and it makes me a far better leader.
Every leader needs those who are willing to manage up. We need those who will help us think through different perspectives, consider different options, rethink old paradigms, and help influence direction. Leaders who are resistant to that are poor leaders. Those who welcome it are better leaders because of those who manage them from the side or from below.
I know that not all leaders are willing to listen to messages from below that they don't want to hear. One of the decisions I made long ago was that I would not work for someone who was not willing to listen to what I had to say - they did not need to agree with me but they did need to be willing to listen.
I realize that we earn the right to speak and there are appropriate ways of speaking and a right time to speak, but all things being equal, those who will not listen to those who work for them are leaders I choose not to work for.
Why do I value those who manage up? First because they have perspectives that I don't have and see things I may not see. All of us suffer from a limited perspective! Second, because they care about the mission of the organization. If they didn't they would not make the effort. Third, because they generally have my best interests in mind - if they didn't they would not bother.
The last point is one that leaders ought to consider carefully. Generally staff want their leaders to succeed because if they do, so does the team or organization. When leaders are missing something that they need to know (what staff are thinking for instance) it is a great favor to them to clue them in.
One of the ways I have approached potentially unpopular feedback to those I have worked for is to say something like this: "I want to share some things I have been mulling on. I don't need you to answer me and how you deal with the information is up to you but I want you to know...." This way I have not put someone in a corner, have not told them what they ought to do about it (and that is not my responsibility) but have shared what I think or know for their benefit and consideration.
I have always appreciated people who have done this with me. I want the information or feedback they have but I am not always able to share what I know about a situation with them. Giving me the information without needing a response allows me to process and file it away and become a part of whatever course I take.
It is when people have an agenda that they are pressing on me that such feedback becomes problematic. Managing up with an agenda that a leader do what they want them to do is going to backfire and is a fast route to diminished rather than greater influence.
Leaders who resist feedback from below or the side often get what they deserve as other staff leave them to their own devices knowing that their lack of knowledge will hurt them but also knowing that they don't want to hear. It generally does not work well for either the organization or the leader.
Every leader needs those who are willing to manage up. We need those who will help us think through different perspectives, consider different options, rethink old paradigms, and help influence direction. Leaders who are resistant to that are poor leaders. Those who welcome it are better leaders because of those who manage them from the side or from below.
I know that not all leaders are willing to listen to messages from below that they don't want to hear. One of the decisions I made long ago was that I would not work for someone who was not willing to listen to what I had to say - they did not need to agree with me but they did need to be willing to listen.
I realize that we earn the right to speak and there are appropriate ways of speaking and a right time to speak, but all things being equal, those who will not listen to those who work for them are leaders I choose not to work for.
Why do I value those who manage up? First because they have perspectives that I don't have and see things I may not see. All of us suffer from a limited perspective! Second, because they care about the mission of the organization. If they didn't they would not make the effort. Third, because they generally have my best interests in mind - if they didn't they would not bother.
The last point is one that leaders ought to consider carefully. Generally staff want their leaders to succeed because if they do, so does the team or organization. When leaders are missing something that they need to know (what staff are thinking for instance) it is a great favor to them to clue them in.
One of the ways I have approached potentially unpopular feedback to those I have worked for is to say something like this: "I want to share some things I have been mulling on. I don't need you to answer me and how you deal with the information is up to you but I want you to know...." This way I have not put someone in a corner, have not told them what they ought to do about it (and that is not my responsibility) but have shared what I think or know for their benefit and consideration.
I have always appreciated people who have done this with me. I want the information or feedback they have but I am not always able to share what I know about a situation with them. Giving me the information without needing a response allows me to process and file it away and become a part of whatever course I take.
It is when people have an agenda that they are pressing on me that such feedback becomes problematic. Managing up with an agenda that a leader do what they want them to do is going to backfire and is a fast route to diminished rather than greater influence.
Leaders who resist feedback from below or the side often get what they deserve as other staff leave them to their own devices knowing that their lack of knowledge will hurt them but also knowing that they don't want to hear. It generally does not work well for either the organization or the leader.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Marriage ministries in the local church
Yesterday I celebrated my 36th wedding anniversary and it got me thinking about marriage, the church and society at large. Those who have been married for a long time know several things. First, that marriage is not easy; second, that it is stronger after weathering the life and marriage storms through the years; three, that we are better people for having to learn how to live with and serve another and four, that stable marriages (even though imperfect) are the best place to raise stable children.
Which caused me to ask the question: why don't local churches put more emphasis on healthy, strong marriages with a robust marriage ministry? I know some do and I applaud them but the vast majority do not and yet it is one of the most important foundation stones of healthy couples, children and society at large.
Think at what is at stake with healthy marriages. People are far happier married than divorced so it impacts the happiness and therefore the health of individuals. Children raised in stable (not perfect) homes are happier and healthier than those who see their family ripped apart with divorce. The lessons learned by going through the hard times (and we all have them) are invaluable and change us in positive ways if we allow them to. And stable families are the cornerstone of stable communities, and healthy churches.
I am not ignoring the fact that there are circumstances where separation or divorce is the best route for those who are abused or abandoned. That is a reality in a sinful world and I feel deeply for those who have experienced marriage dissolution. The church is far too condemning and exhibits far too little grace for those who have experienced divorce. God is in the business of healing brokenness and so should we be.
But if healthy and intact marriages are so critical to our communities, our churches and God's design for families it would seem that local churches would do everything they could to help couples grow in their marriage relationships. And, to help them weather the inevitable storms that life and relationships bring weather from outside or inside forces.
Marriage can be hard - sometimes very hard, sometimes needing the supernatural grace and forgiveness only available through God's power. But those who go through hard times and stick it out emerge with a greater love and commitment than those who don't. And they can help others do the same.
We focus on many thing in our church ministries. A focus on healthy marriages (and helping the unhealthy ones) is one of the most important things we could do.
Which caused me to ask the question: why don't local churches put more emphasis on healthy, strong marriages with a robust marriage ministry? I know some do and I applaud them but the vast majority do not and yet it is one of the most important foundation stones of healthy couples, children and society at large.
Think at what is at stake with healthy marriages. People are far happier married than divorced so it impacts the happiness and therefore the health of individuals. Children raised in stable (not perfect) homes are happier and healthier than those who see their family ripped apart with divorce. The lessons learned by going through the hard times (and we all have them) are invaluable and change us in positive ways if we allow them to. And stable families are the cornerstone of stable communities, and healthy churches.
I am not ignoring the fact that there are circumstances where separation or divorce is the best route for those who are abused or abandoned. That is a reality in a sinful world and I feel deeply for those who have experienced marriage dissolution. The church is far too condemning and exhibits far too little grace for those who have experienced divorce. God is in the business of healing brokenness and so should we be.
But if healthy and intact marriages are so critical to our communities, our churches and God's design for families it would seem that local churches would do everything they could to help couples grow in their marriage relationships. And, to help them weather the inevitable storms that life and relationships bring weather from outside or inside forces.
Marriage can be hard - sometimes very hard, sometimes needing the supernatural grace and forgiveness only available through God's power. But those who go through hard times and stick it out emerge with a greater love and commitment than those who don't. And they can help others do the same.
We focus on many thing in our church ministries. A focus on healthy marriages (and helping the unhealthy ones) is one of the most important things we could do.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
A historic covenant regarding life issues
This past week I had the privilege of participating in a Life Summit hosted by Life International in Grand Rapids Michigan, an international life ministry. I was there because ReachGlobal has partnered with Life International to integrate the issues of life into all the work that we do globally. With the dehumanization of people in many forms in our broken world we believe that the Gospel compels us to join God in bringing life and actively resisting the diminishing of life that was made by the creator in His image (John 10:10).
The title of the covenant is important. 72 Ransom Avenue was the venue for this international forum of ministries committed to the life message. It also has a history: First as a Jewish synagogue, then the major abortion clinic in Grand Rapids and now an international life ministry. It is symbolic of the brokenness of our world and the redemption of Jesus Christ who came to ransom people and bring healing to broken lives.
Carefully read this covenant. It is not a one issue statement nor a political statement but one that speaks to the responsibility of God's people to be His agents of righteousness. It is a deeply biblical commitment. I am proud to be associated with Life International.
The 72 Ransom Avenue Covenant
God is the source and giver of all life. In a fallen world where the
sinful dehumanization of life takes many forms, as brothers and
sisters in Christ we hereby declare:
We believe that God created men and women in His image. Therefore, all human life—from conception to natural death—is sacred and must be treated with dignity and respect.
We believe that because man sinned, God sent His only Son to die so that whoever believes in Him would be granted eternal life. Upon belief in Christ, God’s Holy Spirit works continuously to conform us more fully into the image of God.
We believe that a relationship of trust in Jesus Christ changes lives, communities, and institutions through the power of God’s Spirit and the truth of the Bible.
We believe that a personal relationship with Jesus Christ reimages men and women into His likeness.
We believe that the sanctity of human life message is inseparable from Jesus’ command to go and make disciples of all nations.
We believe that Satan’s goal is to steal, kill, and destroy God’s image at every opportunity. Jesus came to bring abundant life to all mankind, so as His followers, we must be life-giving to a deeply broken and sinful world.
Therefore,
We are committed to addressing all aspects of the dehumanization of life wherever it exists. Through His Church, we will be His agents of mercy, justice, and healing to people who are marginalized, diminished, or abused, and be the advocate for the “least of these.”
We are committed to presenting the Good News of Jesus Christ to all nations.
We are committed to modeling a culture of life that reflects Jesus and to stand against all evil, which is life-taking in all of its forms.
We are committed to prayerfully developing and executing specific strategies for upholding the sanctity of human life worldwide.
We, the below-signed, are resolved to live out this covenant for the
glory of God and the expansion of His kingdom of life.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Don't be selfish with your faith
As a believer, I have been given an amazing trust - as have you. I often wander the crowded streets of our world and ask the question, "what if I had been born here - without the opportunity to hear the gospel?"
That question confronts me with the gift that I have in knowing Jesus, experiencing His grace, being given a life purpose and looking forward to eternity with Him. It is a gift, it is undeserved, but more importantly it is a trust.
The question is what do I do with that trust? Do I live selfishly keeping it to myself or do I live selflessly and give it away? I want to live selflessly.
For me that means being intentional about sharing the gift of my faith. It means supporting others who are in the ministry of doing this full time. It means using my financial resources to do all I can to expand His kingdom.
There is no greater gift than Jesus. How selfishly or selflessly are we living out our faith? How are we stewarding that Gift? In a world that for the most part does not understand Jesus and His gift, those of us who know Him have an amazing gift. Let's not squander it.
That question confronts me with the gift that I have in knowing Jesus, experiencing His grace, being given a life purpose and looking forward to eternity with Him. It is a gift, it is undeserved, but more importantly it is a trust.
The question is what do I do with that trust? Do I live selfishly keeping it to myself or do I live selflessly and give it away? I want to live selflessly.
For me that means being intentional about sharing the gift of my faith. It means supporting others who are in the ministry of doing this full time. It means using my financial resources to do all I can to expand His kingdom.
There is no greater gift than Jesus. How selfishly or selflessly are we living out our faith? How are we stewarding that Gift? In a world that for the most part does not understand Jesus and His gift, those of us who know Him have an amazing gift. Let's not squander it.
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