Paying attention to the hidden inner terrain of our lives

It is the inner terrain of our lives that determines who we are and who we become. Hidden, it is known to us alone although it's residual spills out in ways good or bad, depending on what is there. We often seek to ignore it, sometimes depress it but wise individuals develop a deeply sensitive barometer to their inner terrain - knowing its importance from a spiritual and personal perspective.

Let me suggest that there are seven rooms in our inner terrain that need to be understood and which we need to pay close attention to. These seven rooms are the source of much of who we are. When neglected they hurt us. When attention is paid to them and the Holy Spirit is allowed to inhabit them, they change us and help us. Seven rooms for seven drivers of our lives, hidden deep in the recesses of our hearts.

Conscience
Our creator endowed sense of what is right and wrong. It is a delicate gift because when we ignore it we harden its impact and to the extent that we set it aside it becomes increasingly less reliable which is why sinful tendencies can become normal in our lives when we neglect it. 

Motivations
We can be motivated by Godly motivations or the motivations of our lower nature. Knowing the difference makes all the difference! Even those in full time ministry can be fooled that their motivations are spiritual when in fact they are base: success, fame, personal gratification, power or some other drive of our lower nature.

Thoughts
Hidden from others, we choose whether we take all "thoughts captive" in the words of Paul or whether we entertain baser instincts. Thoughts of envy, pride, anger, lust, impurity or those thoughts that lift self and suppress Jesus can be hidden from others until they spill over in our words, attitudes or actions. 

Desires
What we desire is what truly defines our lives. Others may not know but we know. And Jesus knows. Paul described his desires this way: "I want to know Christ - yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead (Philippians 3:10-11)" but also acknowledged that he too fought the fight between desires of the higher and lower nature on a daily basis (Romans 7). Every day we define our lives by the desires we entertain and pursue.

Convictions
Our convictions are a direct result of the terrain of our inner lives. Those with strong and righteous convictions have cultivated their inner compass to align with God's Word and truth. Those who lack conviction do so because they have not. What we hold convictions on is a direct indicator of the place we derive those convictions.

Passions
Passions drive us toward good or toward evil. They are that inner force that compel us in ways that we don't always understand but they are the result of what constitutes the inner terrain of our lives. Those who have a passion for justice, or God, or righteousness have  this because of what they have cultivated. Those whose passions reflect those of the world have them because they have allowed the priorities of the world to crowd out those things that God counts important. 

Temptations
They are common to all of us. We either nurture them or starve them. There is no in-between. While temptation may not diminish until we see Jesus, our ability to deal with them can be strengthened depending on how we treat the inner terrain of our hearts and lives. The Holy Spirit is the difference maker along with whatever disciplines we nurture to keep Jesus central. 

The inner terrain of our lives matters - a lot. Jesus says that what comes out of a man comes from the inside. Nurture the inside and we directly impact our attitudes and behaviors. To the extent that we neglect our inner lives, we pay the price both internally and externally.

Doing the grownup thing

Even as adults we act like children at times. Complaints, petty arguments, tit for tat, easily irritated, shifting responsibility, taking our ball and going home and the list could go on. When we were young we looked at grown ups as being wise and mature. As grownups we realize that we're not always wise or mature but sometimes behave like adolescents. 

So I've been pondering the difference between children and grownups and suggest the following about living as a grownup.

Grownups deal with their stuff. We all have stuff to deal with - lots of it from our childhoods. Maybe we were not raised by perfect parents (who is?), or suffered some sort of trauma early in life or have some sort of failure in our past (It happens). Kids often hang on to baggage because they don't know how to handle it but grownups deal with it. You can only live with excuses for one's stuff for so long. Then it is time to deal with it and put it behind! Whatever it is, grownups deal with their stuff. 

Grownups take personal responsibility. Kids easily play the blame game. Some adults have been known to as well (think Eve, and Adam). Real grownups take responsibility when they blow it and work to make things right. All of us make choices and some of them are wrong. Adults admit, make right and change course when it happens. 

Grownups control their emotions. Sure grownups cry and get sad and experience great joy. What they don't do is fly off the handle, live with anger problems, say things that they cannot take back or treat others with less than honor. They have learned to control their negative emotions - those that hurt others and accentuate positive emotions - those that build others up. 

Grownups use their money responsibly. Kids often love to spend money. Grownups love to save money and they have the discipline to put off purchases until they have the funds rather than living off of credit card debt. Instant gratification is a kid thing. Delayed gratification is doing the adult thing. Sorry for meddling on that one.

Grownups live in reality. We don't always like the realities with which we live but mature adults accept those realities and deal with them - whatever they are. We have all met people who try to ignore reality and responsibility. Grownups don't! We may try to change our reality (getting out of debt or dealing with other issues) but we don't ignore reality. Walter Mitty fantasies are for children, not grownups.

Grownups foster personal discipline. As children, a disciplined life was not a high value for most of us. For adults, it is the grownup thing to do. Disciplines with God, with work, with family, with ministry and even rest and recreation. There is no maturity without ongoing personal discipline. 

My conclusion is that some grownups are not really grownups. But I want to be one. And there are always areas where we as grownups need to continue to grow up - with the help and empowerment of God's Spirit.

Four skill sets every good team and board can profit from

The best teams and boards (boards are teams) are deliberately created and they can profit from having a mix of wiring and skills. There are four key roles that people can play, depending on how they are wired that can bring strength to a team.

Initiators. These are the people who come up with new ideas and initiate needed action. They are creative, action oriented, and suffer from very little fear. They see what can be and want to push the boundaries for productive results. 

Supporters. These are individuals who come along to support ideas and initiatives. While they are not often the initiators, they help make thing happen and become agents of support with others. No good ideas get put into play without supporters.

Challengers. The gift of a challenger is to turn over the rocks of ideas and initiatives and look underneath and ask the hard questions. They are often misunderstood because they are willing to ask the hard questions. Not because they want to be cantankerous but because they want to probe, look for unintended consequences and in the process help get to a better solution.

Processors. These folks can irritate initiators because they want to process everything. The truth is that without processors, the ideas and initiatives often don't proceed well. Processors think process: A to B to C to D as well as how people will respond to ideas proposed. They are key people to bring an idea to reality.

Think about which role you normally play - and the other members of your team or board. When working well together these four skill sets make a great combination.

Can we talk? Three key questions in relational disconnect

It is amazing what a conversation can do - especially when there is conflict, disagreement or a relationship gone wrong. Conflict and misunderstanding thrive on silence and assumptions. Conversation makes even those we demonize human and at least understanding is possible when two parties are talking. None, when they are not.

Now there are times when further discussion is counter-productive, especially when dealing with passive aggressive individuals or those you cannot trust to not use the conversation against you. So there are times when we choose silence over conversation - strategically.

But in most cases the way to resolution between parties is a conversation with some good clarifying questions, a lot of non defensive listening, and a candid statement of where we are coming from. Several questions are key:

How did we get here?
Do we both want to find a way forward?
What will it take to resolve this?

The first question clarifies the facts or the perception of the facts. It is not about blame but about the facts as we can understand them.

The second question is critical because it calls the question on whether both parties actually want to find a common solution. If no, then further discussion is fruitless. If yes, there is hope for a common solution. Asking the question has the potential to change the conversation from blame and acrimony to "OK this is where we are, legs figure out how to move forward because we both desire that. 

The third question is a collaborative one. It requires both parties to think together as to how they can resolve the issue at hand.

There is not always a way forward. There is not always a will for both parties to find a way forward. But without conversation you will never know.

14 questions if you want to manage others

Are you willing to make those you supervise a high priority?

Are you willing to lead collaboratively rather than by command?

Are you willing to give up other things so that you can put in the time and attention to lead others?

Are you willing to learn a new set of skills?

Are you willing to model a non-defensive, open, flexible, patient attitude?

Are you willing to say you are sorry when you blow it?

Are you willing to give up control and not micromanage?

Are you willing to let people do things their way instead of yours?

Are you willing to listen more than you talk?

Are you willing to let people blow it and fail and still support them?

Are you willing to take responsibility when things go wrong and give credit away when there is success?

Are you willing to model humility?

Are you willing to follow your supervisor as you desire your staff to follow you?

Are you willing to support the mission and the values of the organization as a whole and represent them well with your staff?

If yes, you have a shot. If no, you will get yourself into trouble.

False beliefs of the American church

There are a number of beliefs, whether spoken or not, which characterize much of the American church that need to be reexamined. These beliefs are culturally based but not Biblically based. 

Bigger is better
Why? Healthy churches are better but why is a bigger church better? In God's economy every size church has a place, has its strengths and if it is seeing lives transformed is living out it's call. Defining success by church size (which in our competitive American space is popular) is a sad commentary on how we view the Bride. It also diminishes those who serve and happily attend smaller fellowships. Why did Jesus say "When two or more are gathered in my name?"

Success is numbers
By that definition any number of liberal or even cult groups are successful. Spiritual fruit in changes lives is success but not necessarily numbers as most church growth is simply a reshuffling of God's people. Counting buts, bucks and programs is not a biblical definition of success. The Book of Ephesians is pretty clear on what a successful church looks like: transformed lives with everyone using their gifts for Jesus in the places He has put them.

People need to be entertained
That is what television, rock concerts or whatever it is that entertains one is for. We come to worship the almighty, everlasting, all holy, omnipotent, creator of everything that is, redeemer of our very lives and the one before whom every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. Entertainment? Just the opposite: it is the worship of Him with all the attention going to Him and the focus is on Him. Entertainment is about making us happy. Worship is about making Him the center of all that we are.

Deep theology is passe
When Paul wrote to the Romans, Galatians, Ephesians, Thessalonians and the others he was not writing to the cream of society, the most educated or the sophisticated. He was writing to cobblers, slaves, the poor, the uneducated in many instances and plain ordinary people. And what did he do? He wrote to them about the great theological truths of the faith and even used big words like redemption, justification, gospel, incarnation, transformation and then made it all practical. Not only did he not shy away from theology (the study of God) but he put it front and center because he knew that if people didn't understand the basics of God that they could not follow Him as they should. 

When we dumb down the message to make it more simple, palatable, self focused or easy to accept we do an injustice to the text and to those we preach to. Remember it is not our truth but God's truth and some of it is not politically correct or easy to accept. But it is His message to us and even the most unsophisticated are able to understand that message.

God blesses his people with health, prosperity and success
If that is true Jesus, Paul, and the Apostles somehow missed the memo. Jesus blesses us with an abundant life by His definition not by the world's definition. I am always amazed when Christians are surprised that they suffer or suffer setbacks, or see a loved one die, or face other reversals. We live in a fallen world and the impact of that fallen world impacts us as it does others. What we have in the midst of all of that is the faithfulness of Jesus (Romans 8). Nothing can separate us from His love but a lot of things can separate us from health, prosperity and success.

Come to Jesus and all will be well
We don't come to Jesus to fix our failing marriage, health, solve the bankruptcy or home foreclosure or whatever our issues are. We come to Him to fix our broken and sinful hearts, to cleanse our sin, and to give us a new transformed nature. May that have an influence on the rest of our lives? Absolutely. But it does not mean that all will be well or our problems solved. Therefore we should not promise that to people. What we should promise is that God wants to transform us, make us family, change our hearts and give us His Holy Spirit to live in our hearts. 

In ministry, money is the key
If we had more money we could hire more staff, build that addition, renovate our worship facilities, get more ministry done and the list goes on. All of those may be good things but God is not dependent on our money in order to see His kingdom advance. It is a part of the equation but only a part. What God wants more than larger church budgets is the personal involvement of His people in living out their faith in their circles of influence at work, at play, and at home. In ministry God's people, filled with His Spirit and joining Him with His work is the real key.

What other false beliefs do you see in the American church? It is worth thinking about because we get so wrapped up in our culture that we don't realize that some of what we believe or take to be true may in fact be false. 

Signs of spiritual abuse

There are church leaders who engage in spiritual abuse to keep people in line with their culture, ethos and expectations. It is wrong, violates Biblical teaching and is deeply dysfunctional. This behavior has a cult like feel to it because it elevates spiritual leaders as those who we need to listen to and obey on issues of personal preference, conscience or decision making.

 Here are some signs of spiritual abuse to be sensitive to.

1. When there is a personal disagreement and church leadership ask for repentance on the part of the individual who disagreed. Repentance is called for when we have wronged another or committed an offense against another. Disagreeing with someone else does not constitute sin. It is simply exercising our right to be self defined and a healthy individual. When one is pressured to repent over a disagreement, beware.

2. When you feel pressured to take an action because a church leader or someone else is is telling you should do so based on what "God told them." If God wants to talk to us he is perfectly able to do so. It is fair for others to talk to us about issues they might be concerned about but it is not OK for them to pressure us to take action they think we should take. Using the God card to force others to take action violates individual freedom to listen to their conscience and be sensitive to God themselves.

3. When you are told you are likely in sin because you made a decision that others disagree with. Unless that sin is obvious and clearly in violation of Biblical principles, this is blatent manipulation but of a powerful kind when it comes from a church leader. The mantra is, "I fear you have some deep hidden sin in your life because of the decisions you are making." Don't fall for it.

4. When a church leader tells you what you should do with your life. No one can tell us what to do with our lives except for God and our own desire to follow Him. Many people have a plan for our lives but only we can discern what God wants for our lives.

5. When there is an inordinate focus on "church unity" as a theme that stifles dissenting voices or the ability to speak one's opinion freely. Church unity should never be used to stifle discussions, dialogue or opinions that might differ from those of a church leader or pastor. 

The priesthood of all believers means that the Holy Spirit and truth are not the exclusive purview of church leadership. Of course, we need to be respectful and loving when sharing our views but in the absence of truly causing division or heretical teaching, we should be able to do so without recrimination. 

Independent thought is a threat in dysfunctional churches because it encourages others to think for themselves. When one takes an alternate view from leaders or the common line, it is a threat to the control of those leaders and is often resisted.

6. When church discipline is threatened for non ongoing egregiousness sin - beware!  Church discipline should be a rare event, and the last in a series of steps where there is heresy, division or ongoing egregiousness sin.  It should never be threatened or used to bring people into line.

7. When you are pressured to remain in the church if you start to pull away and desire a different fellowship. Cult like organizations like to control and they don't like it when people leave. It is a threat to them because they fear others will take note and consider the same thing. They will do everything they can to bring one back into the fold and may use both woo and threat in the process.

Here is the bottom line. If you feel that your leaders seek to control, to stifle honest dialogue, to manipulate with the God card or make you agree with their point of view, beware. Spiritual abuse is subtle but it is real. Just as abused spouses are duped into thinking the abuser is right so are those abused by those in church leadership positions. The book of Galatians is a good one to read if you feel others are trying to force you into their mold and to live by their rules. There are cults inside the church as well as outside the church.