I will forgive you because....

It is hard to forgive someone who has hurt us badly. Often times it is someone very close to us which is why the hurt is so severe. One of the lessons I have learned over the years in ministry is that we are more likely to be hurt by someone inside the Christian family than from the outside.

The question always is, should I forgive those who have wronged me - especially when they have not acknowledged the wrong and then, how do I do it when the pain is so severe?

I believe there are always three reasons to forgive.

First, Jesus tells me to. He does not tell me to forget, it will not happen. He does not tell me that the pain will disappear: it may fade with time but may never fully depart. He does not tell me that everything will be OK: it may not be. He does not say it will be easy: sometimes we have to forgive over and over and over as the pain and anger and betrayal refuse to go away. What He does say is to forgive (Matthew 18:21-22). This is one command that is a hard command. It is not fair or just or a natural thing to do. It is one of the hard sayings of Christ.


Is this not why holocaust survivor Corrie Ten Boom forgave those who committed the most heinous crimes against her? Her father and her sister Bessie died at the hands of the Nazi's and she endured the infamous Ravensbruck prison camp.

Corrie recounts the day she forgave her SS guard:


“It was at a church service in Munich that I saw him, the former SS man who had stood guard at the shower room door in the processing center at Ravensbruck. He was the first of our actual jailers that I had seen since that time. And suddenly it was all there – the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie’s pain blanched face.

He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. “How grateful I am for your message Fräulein”, he said “To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!” His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had preached so often to the people in Bloemendaal the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side. Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him.


I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your Forgiveness. As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me.

And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.”

Second, Jesus forgave me. It is the parable of the unmerciful servant, Matthew 18:21-35. It is also a hard saying: "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart." We have no standing before God when we say, "I will not forgive you for what you did to me" because Jesus forgave us when we did not deserve it. Our offenders may not have deserve our forgiveness - but we did not deserve an even greater forgiveness from Jesus. The truth is that none of us deserve forgiveness from God or from one another. He gave it freely and so we are to give it freely. From one undeserving recipient of grace to another undeserving in need of grace.

Third, bitterness is bondage while forgiveness is freedom. The bitterness that comes from holding on to grievances no matter how large or small is a prison. Here is the irony: when we are wronged the pain can be great but when we refuse to forgive the pain is greater and longer and even more bitter because we now must live with it daily. And this pain is self inflicted. The only way out of our own prison, the injury done to us by others and the injury done to ourselves is to forgive. It is in that act, which may need to be repeated over and over that our own freedom is secured. I refuse to be imprisoned by offenses done to me by others. In forgiveness I find freedom.

What I wish I knew as a young ministry leader

Failure is OK and God has a way of redeeming it

I don’t need to be right

The expectations of others should not define me

Criticism should not be taken personally

I don’t need to prove my worth

My ministry is not what gives me value

Emotional Intelligence is critical to leadership

Anxiety is always wasted energy

You cannot defend your reputation but God can

God cares more about who I am than what I do

God does not solve all issues this side of heaven

Expect the greatest pain from fellow believers

God is always sovereign over our biographies

What every ministry needs to know about clarity

The issue of organizational clarity: why we are here; what we hope to accomplish; what spells success and what are our non-negotiables is more important than we often understand. Here are some key things that we must understand about ministry clarity.

One: Maximum Clarity is the single most powerful accelerator of ministry results because in stripping away the ambiguities of what we are about, all parts of the organization can line up their arrows in the same direction. The corollary is that lack of clarity decelerates ministry effectiveness because energies are expended in different directions.

Two: Without clarity one cannot have alignment in the organization because there is nothing to align around other than general dreams or hopes. Without alignment you will not attract the right people, or the best people who want to know where the ministry is going and how it intends to get there.

Three: Without maximum clarity you cannot measure your progress. Frankly I think that some leaders don’t want the accountability of clarity because then progress can be measured. This is why so many reviews in ministry settings lack objective measurements. Without clarity you simply don’t have them.

Four: Getting to clarity among leaders, staff and boards raises to the surface differing views as to what the ministry is really about. I have seen this played out over and over. I will be told that there is significant agreement about the ministry and its direction but when you start to clarify those issues you realize that there are in fact competing ideas and visions. The good news is that in the clarifying process you surface those differing visions and settle on one compelling vision.

Five: Getting to clarity is some of the most difficult but rewarding work leaders do. It forces them to think about the most important issues of their work, identify direction, non-negotiables and what is central to what God is calling them to do and to be. There is nothing more rewarding when there is a general “Ah Ha” in the room that we got it right and that we can give our energies to a common direction and mission.

Six: Clarity is the missional glue that gives the organization meaning, definition, and purpose. It moves people from doing good things to doing truly important things together.

Spirit empowerment

The first guiding principle of the organization I lead, ReachGlobal, is that we are Word based and Spirit empowered. It is very much influenced by John 15 where Jesus talks to the disciples about what it means to abide in Him. I am always sobered by His statement in that discourse that “Without me you can do nothing.” I wonder how often we try to do things without Him, relying on our own resources, ideas and creativity.

There are 7 components to our ReachGlobal Sandbox Guiding Principles as it relates to Spirit empowerment. As you read them, think about your own ministry and how you define what it means to be Spirit empowered. While none of us do this perfectly, what would our ministries look like if we lived these seven commitments out?

1.     Hearing – We must be actively growing in our confidence of hearing the voice of the Holy Spirit and intentionally taking time to wait upon God to hear Him.

2.     Discerning – We must be growing in discerning His leading, direction, and will for our lives in all the different ways He reveals these to us.

3.     Obeying – We must live a lifestyle of obedience to the Scriptures, to the prompting of the Holy Spirit, to His will for our lives, and also having a healthy submission to those in authority over us.

4.     Abiding – We must live out the truths of John 15 in our calling to intimate relationship with our heavenly Abba.  We affirm the fundamental necessity of spiritual intimacy with God before we can have fruitful ministry impact with others. A core expression of this intimate relationship with Abba God is a lifestyle of healthy dependency on our Sovereign Lord.

5.     Praying – We must live out another core expression or ancillary of this abiding relationship, the continual conversation with God which we call prayer.

6.     Expecting – We must maintain an ongoing posture of faith, expecting that our Almighty God, because of who He is, will do the extraordinary, the miraculous, both in and through us and our ministries.

7.     Anointing – We must regularly seek and ask for the supernatural empowerment of the indwelling Holy Spirit in our lives and ministry which the New Testament calls anointing. This empowerment may express itself through a wide range of occurrences, gifts, manifestations or events produced by the Holy Spirit and which are determined only by Him.

The dangers of arrogance in leadership

Arrogance: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions (Webster). 

Arrogance is one of the potential pitfalls of leadership, especially for highly gifted leaders whose drive and ambition combined with a high degree of self importance and a lack of accountability fuel an ever heightened sense of imperious assurance. 

What are the signs of leadership arrogance? 

Self importance. Arrogance is, after all, all about self. These are leaders who truly believe that they are somehow different from normal human beings. They often speak about what they are doing in extravagant ways and rarely ask about what others are doing. Their focus in on themselves, their ministry and their contribution to the kingdom. The common theme is that it is about them.

Imperious assurance. This is a grossly over confident attitude that what they are doing is right, that it will always work and is often combined with extravagant claims. Any time you hear someone say that what they are doing is going to change the world or the church or something forever, beware. It is often simply the extravagant assurance of an imperious and arrogant mind.

Superiority. This is the natural outcome of arrogance. The belief that one is superior to others and that the decisions they make are better decisions than what others could make. This often plays out in marginalizing other good people because they are by nature not as good or bright or strategic as themselves. The way to elevate oneself is almost always to de-elevate others in some way.

Unaccountability. Arrogant leaders will never admit that they are unaccountable but what they often do is to simply ignore those who  disagree with them (even if it is their board or close colleagues) and do what they are intent on doing. Because the rules do not apply to them and because they are so confident that they are right they simply forge ahead with their agenda regardless of the voices that try to speak into their lives or plans. 

If someone becomes an obstacle to them or strongly disagrees with them they are often marginalized and shunted aside. Arrogant leaders listen to those who fuel their self importance and discount those who don't. Often, those who were once close are discarded once they take the risk of disagreeing with them.

A force of nature. A force of nature is an apt description for highly arrogant leaders. They simply go where they want to go and do what they want to do regardless of who or what is in their path. In many cases, people intentionally get out of the way because being in their way is dangerous. Often boards or colleagues are unwilling to go up against them because the push back is so severe and the ability of arrogant leaders to sell their case and negotiate their way to what they want is exhausting. 

This is nothing other than raw intimidation to get their way. They know it but they also know that they can do it and that others will often scatter. Arrogant leaders are often highly skilled in manipulating those around them to get their way. That manipulation may be flattery, intimidation, anger, marginalization, negotiation, or just stubborn wills that refuse to be bent. What it amounts to is that they intend to get their way no matter what.

Risk and adrenalin. Massive arrogance causes unhealthy leaders to take risks that healthy leaders would never take. They posture the risk as game changing moves that will yield some amazing result. Often, it is risk and the adrenalin of running at warp speed, fueled by situations that must be solved (by them of course) that feeds their ego and need for stimulation. 

This is particularly dangerous in a ministry setting because it puts the entire ministry at risk if decisions are made that compromise it, and arrogant leaders are prone to take risks that others would not. Those risks are usually more for the fulfillment of their own ambitions than for the sake of the ministry they lead. They feed on crisis and complex situations that only they can solve.

It is not unusual for other leaders to not even know of some of the risks that the ministry has been subject to because in their unaccountably many arrogant leaders don't feel a need to disclose everything. They tend to disclose what they want people to know and keep close to their vest what they don't want to be known.

It should be obvious that these characteristics of arrogance are not only signs of dysfunctionality (think narcissistic personality disorder) but dangerous to the ministry they lead. In many cases, these leaders eventually crash themselves and the ministry they are leading. Often they move on and never acknowledge the damage they have done. In fact, their take is that whatever happened is someone else's fault. It is how they are wired because life is about them.

Whatever you do, if you see these characteristics, don't ignore them.

An audience of One

Have you ever thought about how much time and energy we expend in trying to live up to the expectations of others? Authenticity means that we no longer need to work to prove something but that we can simply be who God made us to be and our highest goal is not to please people but to please an audience of One – our Father. Again, that is freedom!

With humility comes a nothing to prove, nothing to lose view of life which leads to authentic living. Authentic living is about being who God created us to be and not a pretend us or someone else’s version for us whether they be our parents, our in laws, or others. The question is no longer what I have to do to please other people but what I need to do to please God.

I remember the pressure I felt as a young pastor to be whatever a pastor is supposed to be. I put expectations on myself and others put expectations on me and pretty soon it was hard to be me. I worried too much about what people would or did think. I took certain peoples criticisms too deeply. I felt like a failure too often. I had something to prove and a lot to lose which is not a fun way to live life.

My main question today is what do I need to do to please the Father. Not only will I not please everyone else but that is not the call on my life – or yours. Pleasing the Father is. His priorities for my life, time, energies and heart are what count. He is the One we will give account to one day. No one else’s opinions will matter on that day.

Two deadly distractions

There are two distractions that each of us face in our lives - and which all church leaders fight against with those they lead. They are the distractions of the numerous options that we have for our time and attention which often keep us from intentional and Christ centered living and the distraction of selfishness which keeps our focus on me instead of Him.

I love the options that our world affords us. Options that just a few years ago were not readily available. Those options, however, are both a blessing and a curse. They are a blessing if carefully chosen but a curse if carelessly lived.

I am often reminded of Ephesians 2:10, that "We were created in Christ Jesus for good works which he prepared in advance for us to do." Each of us has a mission in life designed by God. That mission is connected with the gifting and wiring He gave to us and He wants us to use them on His behalf. This is our highest priority.

The options for how we spend out time often crowd out the very ministry that Christ created us for. Accidental living and busyness are the killers of intentionality and focus. Options are great - as long as I keep my focus first on what it is that Jesus has for me to do on His behalf. I love the options I have in this life but if our love for Jesus is primary we keep Him central, His work central and are not distracted from our central focus by all the ways we can spend out time and energy.

The second distraction is even more difficult than the first. Is life about me or about Him? The selfish natures of our hearts keep pulling us back to thinking that life is about me. It impacts my interests, my energy, my activities, my money and my priorities. Going back to Ephesians 2:10, we are reminded that life is not about us but about God.

Getting this right is a game changer in our lives. It changes everything and impacts our philosophy of life, the way we structure our lives, the world view we embrace and the daily activities we pursue.

In fact, conversion is all about recognizing that life is not about me but about God. It is not simply a ticket to eternal life but a revolution in our perspective on everything.

Each of us fights these two diversions. Our personal challenge is to get these right. Our ministry leadership challenge is to help others get it right as well.