Resilience is a key to strong and long leadership

 

There is a quality that every leader who is going to lead over the long haul must have. That quality is resilience. Webster defines resilience this way: "The ability to become strong, healthy, or successful again after something bad happens." I would define leadership resilience as the ability to deal with hard situations and difficult people without becoming overly emotional, angry, or cynical. It is also the ability to live with a soft heart but very thick skin and not to be discouraged by the inevitable challenges and personal attacks that leadership brings.

Leaders who lack resilience:

• Become easily discouraged
• Feel threatened and deflated when attacked
• Become emotional when things don't go their way
• Can become subject to depression and moodiness
• Are often fearful
• Can easily overact to situations that seem out of their control
• Crack under pressure

I am an avid reader of biographies and would suggest that individuals like Winston Churchill, FDR, Ronald Reagan, or Margaret Thatcher were individuals who personified resilience. Each of these was able to overcome regular difficulties, keep their cool, and continue to lead. In the New Testament, Paul certainly has this trait.

The test of leadership is not what happens when all is well but when all is hell. That is when the mettle of our souls and resolve is tested and where our resilience or lack of it becomes critical. When I hear leaders complain and feel sorry for themselves and express significant emotions, anger, and frustration, I often wonder if they have the resilience to lead well. 

Resilient ministry leaders usually have the following characteristics:

• They have thick skin and have learned how to weather personal attacks
• They take the long view and know that the irritations of the moment will pass
• Their self-worth is not wrapped up in their leadership role, and they realize that leaders are often targets
• Their focus is on the mission of the organization rather than on themselves 
• They have learned to see the tough times as leadership challenges 
• They are generally optimists and communicate hope to their teammates
• They have a good team around them
• They have a high view of God's sovereignty and, therefore, are able to trust Him
• They have learned that anxiety is wasted energy and manage it well

Resilience can be learned and should grow over time as we recognize that the crises of the moment do pass, life does go on, the world does not fall apart, and the worst possible case does not usually come to be. It has much to do with our perspective on God, on life, and on ourselves. The more we focus on ourselves, the less resilient we will be. The more we focus on the mission and on God, the more resilience we will have.

Before you send that email, think about these five things

 I just saw an email that caused me to say, "Oh my!" and it reminded me of the dangers that emails present. I suspect that if it could be recalled, it would be, but that is not possible, and now it is being circulated to places and people the author probably does not desire.

Five things to remember about all emails we send:

First: Do not assume they will not be made public. The more controversial the conversation, the greater the chances there are that whatever you write will find its way into the hands of others. All it takes is one click. Do not write anything that you don't want others to see and that you cannot substantiate. Our tone, our words, our attitudes, and our assumptions matter in print, and they can easily be wrong or badly misunderstood.

Second: Do not question the motives of others. In the first place, you may well be wrong. In the main, we cannot know what those motives really are. Conversations may unearth them, but emails rarely will, and you run the risk that you have it wrong - but now in print.

Third: Do not make accusations you cannot prove, and even if you can, that will not be understood by others who might read the email. Emails are not the place to make accusations. I am reluctant to do so in person, let alone by email. And remember that even if you are right, those who are friends of the one you are writing to will rarely agree with you, and it probably will come back to bite you. Why pick fights that you don't need to pick?

Fourth: Do not use inflammatory language. The harsher the language, the tougher it is going to be to resolve whatever issue needs resolution. Inflammatory language raises the level of conflict, can be accusatory by its very nature, and is unnecessary in an email. Even if everything you say is true, third parties who may see the email will inevitably take exception to you and what you wrote - and you will lose coinage.

Five: Don't make a threat by email. There may be consequences to someone's actions, but rarely is it helpful to threaten them in a way that could go public or that will be misunderstood by third parties.

If one is tempted to send an email that violates any of these five principles, it is a smart practice to first wait 24 hours before sending it and second to have a colleague you trust read it. If it has implications for your organization or ministry, show it to your supervisor before sending it because if it comes back to haunt you, it will also haunt them. 

A Story Stranger than Fiction: The Christmas Story

 

No story is better known. No story better captures the heart of a child - small or grown - than the one we celebrate today. No matter how many times we hear the story, it never grows old, it never disappoints, never ceases to evoke deep emotions of wonder, awe and comfort. An angel’s proclamation to illiterate shepherds, a teenage unwed mother, a loyal carpenter fiance, the evil king Herod, a cold, clear, Bethlehem night without a place to stay. A messy birth in an animal’s stall, alongside a dirty alley in the dark of night. Confused cows watching unknowing as the Son of the universe stares back unknowing at the very animals He had created eons before. A mother, a child, a carpenter, a few agitated animals and the pungent smell of manure.

This is a story so absurd that it could only have been scripted by a Divine hand. No other writer would have attempted such a script. If they had they would not have claimed it to be true: fiction maybe, but not reality. This is not how the One whose voice had echoed off of a billion galaxies would make His entrance. Without CNN and Fox News, into a hovel known affectionately today as Bethlehem but then nothing more than a tiny village on the path to Jerusalem. 

His entrance was marked not by a proclamation to kings but to astonished herdsmen sleeping with sheep. The heavens opened with ten thousand voices – not over Jerusalem the ancient capital – but over a tiny grazing field for a handful of insignificant shepherds. They would be the only witnesses of the grand entrance of a King. No other writer would have written such a script. 

No other author would have taken such a chance. For behind this story there are echoes of another story - equally incredulous. Centuries before in the vastness of eternity past – when infinity kissed infinity, The Master of Infinity spoke into being the universe in which we live - 3,000 of whose stars are visible to the careful eye, 30 billion visible from a large telescope, - the other 90% of the universe still hidden from our eyes. Its splendor an eternal testimony to the Author of the story.

Immortal, invisible, God only wise,

In light inaccessible hid from our eyes,

Most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,

Almighty, victorious, Thy great name we praise.

Great Father of glory, pure Father of light,

Thine angels adore thee, all veiling their sight;

All praise we would render: O help us to see

Tis only the splendor of light hideth Thee.

(Walter Chalmers Smith)

The Author’s heart was restless still, lonely in His perfection. A heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longed to give away infinite love. Again the Author spoke: A planet was expertly crafted. One among billions. A people wonderfully created – in the image of the Author. Free to love, free to experience the infinite goodness of the Author. Free to revel in His infinite Love. But above all free. Love cannot be forced and remain love.

We are not the sole owners of broken hearts. No heart suffered such sorrow as Infinite Love rejected. Image bearers rejected the Image Maker. The story’s characters fired the Author to write their own script. Unmatched, searing pain pierced the Author’s heart as the loved jilted the Lover. 

Chaos infiltrated beauty. A planet was hijacked and spun out of control. Poverty of spirit supplanted endless joy. Unfulfilled hearts realized the pain of lost love. Without the Author, individual story lines faltered – and failed. Sadness reigned. Darkness descended in seeming endless gloom.

Truth can be stranger than fiction. For in the pained heavens the grieving Author plotted love’s revenge. An awesome revenge that only Divinity could contrive – that only Divinity would contrive. Having lost His loved, the Lover would send His most loved to reclaim His heart’s desire. The rejected Creator would kiss the unfaithful created. Tender mercy in place of deserved destruction. An astonished heaven broke into unbelieving applause. Image bearers would be reclaimed by the Image Maker. Light would once again prevail over darkness. Brokenness would be made whole. Peace would triumph over chaos.

All was silent in the heavens on the chosen night. Angels held their corporate breath. For nine months the Son had been absent, resident in a young girls womb, coming to us not as a king but incognito, just one of thousands of children that would be born on a lonely planet that night – into the darkness that our word had become. Placenta covered the Son of the universe arriving to claim back His beloved: this time, one by one, heart by heart. Tender mercy arriving in disguise: one of us, one like us. On that night, the Author personally entered our story. 

Such humility our world has never known. A stunning reversal for a world gone astray. A Heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longing to give away infinite love, arriving under cover of night in order to “shine on those living in darkness…to guide our feet into the path of peace.” (Luke 1:27).

When an author writes, each character is unique; each has his or her own storyline. We, each have a story – unique, unrepeated, singular. Each story has its own joy, its own pain, its own pathos and unmatched quality. But each shares one singular, astonishing feature. We are made in the Author’s image, and He will not rest until we have invited Him to join in our story. 

More astonishing than the script He has authored, the story we celebrate today is that He also wants to enter into your story. This is the most ancient of stories but it is also the most contemporary of stories. The Christmas story is but one chapter in the Author’s divine script. The Author is still writing. And every person who invites Him into their story becomes a separate and unique chapter in His unfinished book. And into each story He brings His light and peace.

 “For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.” (John 3:16-17.)

Have you invited Him into your story?

Five ways that living in grace impacts our leadership and relationships

 

There are few issues more important to us personally or in our leadership than a proper understanding of grace. Our understanding, or lack of it, has significant implications for how we lead and how we respond and interact with others. It is one of those areas where theology and practice intersect in important ways.

First, leaders who understand and live in grace do not have a need to prove anything to God or to others. If I live in grace, I do not need to worry about being wrong, nor do I need to live with defensiveness. Many leaders in the Christian arena are more about proving they can be successful than they are about serving Jesus. Grace frees us from the need to prove anything to God or others and, therefore, allows us to live in freedom.

Second, leaders who understand and live in grace don't need to seek perfection, which is really all about proving something to others. They can rest in the fact that God is in control, and while we do the best we can, we can leave the results to God. We sow and water, but only God can bring the harvest. Without grace, leaders feel they need to produce results. Living in grace allows us to rest in Him, do the right things, and trust Him for transformational results.

Third, leaders who understand and live in grace are able to extend grace and understanding to their staff. This is not an excuse for allowing shoddy work. It is a posture of wanting the very best for others and extending the same grace that Jesus extends to us. Harsh leaders simply don't understand grace. Think of the Fruit of the Spirit, and you get the picture of what grace looks like in relationships. 

Fourth, leaders who understand and live in grace create cultures in their teams and organizations of grace. The culture of an organization is often a direct reflection of the leader's own spiritual and emotional health. Legalistic or harsh cultures simply reflect the ethos of their leadership. Where a leader understands and lives in grace, he/she creates that culture in the organization.

Fifth, leaders who understand and live in grace create cultures where there is no fear of candid dialogue and diverse opinions because grace allows us to live with a Nothing to Prove and Nothing to Lose attitude. Without defensiveness, we can invite honest dialogue, deal with elephants, and create a culture of grace and truth. Where that is not the case, I would argue that the leader (and or staff) are not living in grace.

I would guess there are many other implications of a life of grace. What I do know is that leaders who understand and live in grace create healthy cultures, and those who don't won't.

How organizations can inadvertently compromise the quality of their service

 

Almost every organization I have worked with would  say that they are committed to quality work internally and quality services externally but often the reality does not live up to the goal. This is particularly true among non-profits but it is not only resident there. Often it is the result of several overlooked factors that inadvertently compromise the quality of their work.

One of the first things that comes to mind is that of poor hiring methods. When we hire without doing do diligence to the qualifications of the applicant or the skill fit we often end up paying a steep price later. There is an adage that says "hire slow and fire fast" and it has great merit to it. Many organizations don't realize the bottom line impact poor hires have on them. First, unqualified individuals do not make the organization look good. Second, it takes more unqualified individuals to get the job done than one highly qualified individual. Thus there is both a financial and service quality variable in our hiring practices.

In addition when we choose to compensate below the fair market value of a job we drastically reduce the number of qualified candidates who will consider working for us. Here is the irony.  We end up hiring more individuals to do a job than we need because we got what we were willing to pay for. So in an attempt to save money in salaries we actually spend more money than we needed to. This is particularly true with churches and Christian non-profits but it can be found in the for profit sector as well.

Another common mistake is to pay too little attention to the Emotional Intelligence (EQ) of those we hire. Even highly competent individuals can hurt the organization if they exhibit poor EQ. They can hurt others on the team internally and create issues with customers externally. Considerable attention ought to be given to the issue of an individual's EQ in the hiring process as well as in ongoing education in this area. For more on Emotional Intelligence see "Signs of good and bad EQ."

Finally, in the desire to save money, some organizations do not provide the necessary tools to staff to get their job done efficiently. This can be training, technology and software or the necessary ongoing mentoring. It is unfortunate that the investment already made in these staff is lost when they either choose to leave or cannot fulfill their job with excellence because of the neglect of their supervisor.

None of these actions are meant to hurt the quality of an organizations work but all do so inadvertently. My philosophy has always been to hire slow and well, pay competitively, give staff the tools they need and have as few staff as necessary. You can do that with the right staff.

Finding a place of serenity and peace in a crazy busy and pressured world

 Our world can be characterized by out-of-control schedules, lack of rest, frenetic activity, and little margin. Yet our hearts long for peace and serenity. We cannot change the frenetic pace of our world, but we can choose to live in peace and serenity ourselves. Here are eight practices that can lead to a life of greater serenity.

1. Places of refuge. These are places where our hearts feel at peace and where we can slow down. For me, it includes a study in my home that has no television, is filled with books, and a comfortable couch. Whenever I enter, I feel a special peace come over me because it is a place of peace. It may also be a stream where I can fly fish in solitude. For all of us, it will be different, but identifying those places of refuge that we can go to regularly will help us negotiate what is otherwise a busy existence.

2. Time with Jesus. Out-of-control schedules or even the typical challenges of our lives lead to anxiety and personal stress. The best place to leave our anxiety and stress is with Jesus, who told us that he can bring peace to our souls. Who does not long for peace? Psalm 23 says, "He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." It is a picture of rest, quietness, peace - in the presence of God. But none of that happens in frenetic activity. Only in quietness and time with Him.

3. Quiet reflection. The art of quiet reflection is time without distractions to think deeply about our lives, God, or situations we face. Reflection demands times of peace and quiet: Television off; radio silenced; cell phone muted - maybe soothing music on. I write this blog in the peace and quiet of an early morning, one of my favorite times to reflect and think.

4. Special friends. I am thinking here of friends who bring peace and joy to our lives and fill us emotionally. This is not your average friend. Many friends are needy and drain us. There is a time for those friends, but not when we are needing peace and serenity. These are friends who encourage us, accept us, love us, and allow us to be who we are in their presence without pretense or expectations. Too often, in our busyness, we do not nurture the most important friends who can bring peace to our lives.

5. Good books. Well-chosen books can help us relax, reflect and grow. It is why my personal place of refuge is lined with them. One need not be a prodigious reader for this to be the case. Even a few pages or a short chapter can stimulate our thinking and reflection. Books help us stretch our minds and offer perspectives of others that can change our own perspectives.

6. A journal. Journaling is a practice that can bring greater peace and serenity to our lives. It allows us to record insights we gain in our times of reflection. The simple act of writing those insights down dramatically increases our retention of them. It allows us to have a record of our personal growth. It allows us to be more reflective in our prayer lives as we write out our prayers from time to time. It forces us to think more clearly and reflect more deeply. It is worth the effort even if we are not naturally writers.

7. Interludes of prayer. These are times during the day when we intentionally reconnect with Jesus in prayer. For instance, my cell phone alerts me on the hour, every hour during the day. When it does, I silently engage Jesus about whatever I am working on or the meeting I am in. It reminds me to be present with Jesus, it reminds me to check in with Him, and it reminds me to bring the events of my day to Him. They are hourly check-ins with the only one that can ultimately bring me peace of heart and soul.

8. Learning to be present. How often do you find yourself mulling on a problem or anxiety when you should be concentrating on a conversation, a work project, or playing with your kids? Being present means that we are mindful of what we are doing at the moment and truly focused on that rather than focusing on other things that distract us from being present in the moment. Being present means that we are fully "there" in whatever we are doing. It also prevents us from being "elsewhere," which is usually a problem or challenge that we should have left with Christ rather than carrying it around with us. The hourly reminder from my cell phone not only reminds me to check in with God but to check in with myself to see if I am present in the moment.

A life of peace and serenity does not happen by itself but comes from healthy practices in our lives. It is a beautiful place to live and something that we can grow in regularly.

It is counterintuitive but Covid may be a blessing for the spread of the Gospel

 

I have a firm conviction that nothing happens in our world, good or bad, which does not first pass by the hands of God and which He does not use to build His church. History is full of examples of adversity that become accelerators to the advancement of the gospel. In fact, it is often in the face of difficult challenges that the church shows itself to be the most resilient.

The age of Covid has been difficult and presented many unwelcome challenges. But, there may be some hidden blessings for both the church and the spread of the gospel. Ironically, as infectious as Covid is, the gospel is even more infectious and both are impacting our world, one for sorrow and the other for joy.

First, Covid has disrupted almost all of ministry. In doing so it has also caused Christian leaders to rethink what is truly important and how they can adapt and focus on what God has called the church to do and to be. There is no disruption that does not create opportunity to rethink, recalibrate and refocus.

For too long we have focused on church size and programs more perhaps than on discipleship and the involvement of each one in ministry according to their God given gifting. We have assumed that church attendance equaled spiritual maturity. 

One thing we can be certain of. The church will never go back to where it was pre-Covid. It just won't. Many have decided they don't need church for their spiritual lives. Others will simply do church on-line. This creates an opportunity for us to rethink what we are doing and why. That is a gift although perhaps an unwelcome one.

Second, digital ministry has the potential to be one of the most potent forces for the gospel in the years to come. The church was forced into digital formats by Covid. Many churches have come to the conclusion that the digital format is not simply a way to reach their own people but to reach beyond their four walls and reach a world that does not know Jesus. Rather than fighting the change, many churches are embracing this change and see it as a significant opportunity to share the gospel with those who don't know.

In fact, when we talk about the gospel being preached to all people before the return of Christ, this is exactly what is happening. Recently I had opportunity to interact with the founder and leader of CCF (Christ's Commission Fellowship) in the Philippines a huge ministry of house churches and mall based congregations. They are now reaching people at an unprecedented level via digital content across the globe and incorporating many into digital fellowships for discipleship. They have embraced this opportunity with enthusiasm and it will be a part of their strategic vision ongoing.

One of the realities in our world is that fewer and fewer people are coming to church out of spiritual curiosity. But almost all are online so is it possible that in God's sovereign plan, the church was forced to go online in an unprecedented way allowing the Good News to multiply in exponential ways? I fully believe this to be the case. It is also the case that in many cases, those who experience an online service will find their way into a local congregation as is happening with the church I attend, Forest City Church in Rockford and Elgin, IL. Look up Tiny Church on You Tube. 

We didn't ask for or desire Covid. But  nothing happens in our world, good or bad, which does not first pass by the hands of God and which He does not use to build His church. He is doing that today - as He always has. 

The most amazingly Jesus like attitude I have seen in a very long time

 

We live in a deeply divided world where Jesus and the Gospel take second place to our attitudes, politics, friendships and life perspectives. It should be the other way around. Here from the heart of a young woman we see the Jesus perspective that our society and our church so often lacks. It is profound and it can be life changing. Watch this 90 second statement that says more than most of us have said in a lifetime.

https://twitter.com/i/status/1469120871004577797

Attitudes that suck organizational life from boards, teams and organizations

Attitudes are critical to the health or lack of health in any organization, board, team or workplace. I want to suggest that there are four attitudes or behaviors that will suck the life from any team and which should be illegal in the workplace. At least in any workplace that has a commitment to health. 

One: Cynicism instead of optimism

There are among us professional skeptics who see most of life (apart from what they do) from a cynical or skeptical lens. They distrust leaders, often scoff at new ideas, have doubts about most things they are told, live with suspicion of those in authority and generally come at things from a place of negativity.

Cynicism is often hidden in sarcasm, subtle digs at others, attempts to criticize others and their efforts and an attitude that nothing you do is good enough for them. None of these attitudes are designed to build others up but to tear them down. In other words, they are organizational wreckers rather than organizational builders.

I remember a time when I was taking an organization through major change. There were those who said my proposals were simply the flavor of the month and therefore were to be ignored. Others said, "You can do what you want to do TJ but don't expect me to do anything different." Then there were those who took shots from the sidelines and saw all proposed changes through a lens of cynicism, suspicion and negativity. 

In this process, I learned several things. First, such cynicism needed to be directly challenged. It is poison and destructive and kills the health of an organization or a team. The health of an organization is what you create or allow. Allowing these kinds of overt attitudes is to ignore their threat to the whole. Whenever I encountered it, I directly addressed it. Sometimes people got it and changed. Sometimes they didn't and needed to be sidelined so they didn't cause damage. Sometimes they had to be let go. Second, I learned that no leader in the organization could be a cynic and we had a number of those. They needed to be traded out because cynics are not leaders. They are destroyers. 

Great teams and organizations are built on by optimists. Not blind optimists but those who see and call people to a higher level of commitment, innovation, civility and results. They utterly reject cynical attitudes for the poison that they are. 

Two: Pessimism rather than optimism

Pessimism describes the state of mind of someone who always expects the worst. A pessimistic attitude isn't hopeful, shows little optimism, and can be a major downer for everyone else. To be pessimistic means that you believe evil outweighs the good and that bad things are more likely to happen. Someone has aptly said that pessimists find a problem for every solution.

Jesus was no pessimist. He believed that people could change, that heaven could be brought to earth (Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven), that the impossible could be accomplished through His power, that people could be healed and obstacles overcome by faith and the power of the Holy Spirit.

Never (ever) allow a pessimist to serve on your board or in leadership of your organization. They will kill the good that God wants to do because they fundamentally don't believe that it can be done at all. 

Three: Authoritarianism instead of listening and coming to shared decisions

Authoritarianism has its roots in pride rather than in humility. It has a fundamental lack of concern for the wishes, ideas or opinions of others and as such lacks empathy, respect, kindness and the willingness to listen carefully. It is not about team but about me. It is not about dialogue but about telling. 

If you have ever worked for an authoritarian leader, you know how frustrating it can be and how disrespectful it can feel. Authoritarian leaders don't build up or lead from a place of respect for others. In fact, they are quite sure they are right and that you need to comply with their wishes. In fact, leaders who are authoritarian invite cynicism. Their poor EQ solicits equally poor responses.

People who listen well and are willing to come to shared decisions earn great respect from their teams. Those who don't, don't! Relationship comes from dialogue, conversation and listening and relationship is the key to leadership success. 

Four: Judging motives instead of assuming the best

Here is a fascinating truth. You and I always assume that our motives are good and pure and yet we often assume that the motives of others are not. That in itself ought to be enough to indicate that we live with fallen natures. Why do we do this? Essentially we choose to think more highly of ourselves and our motives than we do of others and their motives. Yet, my own experience is that when I judge the motive of others I am almost always wrong. Almost always!

Why is this so destructive? First, because when we judge the motives of others we see them from a lesser perspective. We have already come to the conclusion that they don't deserve our full respect or trust. Second, the moment that this happens, we communicate those attitudes about that individual to others. It may be unconscious but it happens. Thus we hurt them in our eyes and then we hurt them in the eyes of others. If your own motives have ever been judged wrongly you know exactly what I am saying. Judging motives destroys trust and trust is the coinage of good relationships.

Instead of judging motives or assuming a negative intent, what about having a conversation. Most of the time you will walk away with a better understanding and glad that  you didn't simply make assumptions.

Be candid with your staff and board that these kinds of attitudes are off limits if you want to have a healthy staff, group or organization. Each of the toxic attitudes above has an alternative to it. If we move from the toxic to its healthy alternative we can move the dial in relationships and organizational health.