Spirituality does not compensate for our shadow side

All of us have a shadow side. This is not about whether we are spiritual enough! It is about recognizing the shadow side and dealing with it. The Apostle Paul was a hard driving, type A, highly disciplined individual. Yet when John Mark did not live up to the same standards, Paul and Barnabas, two giants of the New Testament came to such disagreement that they had to separate ways. So strong was the disagreement that Paul abandoned not only John Mark but the very individual who had discipled and encouraged him when no one else would – Barnabas. The shadow side of his discipline and high standards alienated him from a friend who had been a friend when no one else would be a friend.



Can you imagine the pain that Barnabas and John Mark felt when Paul took such a hard line? No amount of spirituality on Paul’s part kept him from deeply hurting two individuals who loved him very much. Perhaps words like arrogance and narcissism and impatience found their way into Barnabas’s mind as he processed his friendship and partnership gone wrong.


The fact that Paul changed his mind about John Mark later in his life and requested his presence when he was in prison indicates to me that Paul had become more self aware and was dealing with the downside of his driven personality. Paul was as deeply a spiritual man as any who ever lived and yet he too had a shadow side to his strengths: liabilities that hurt Barnabas and John Mark because they were not managed well or recognized by him at that time of his life.


There are also people who hide behind a gloss of spirituality to ignore or compensate for their shadow side. These are often Christian leaders who spiritualize everything and have a spiritual explanation for even those times when their own issues have caused problems.


Dan is an organizational leader who is black and white, always right, critical of others and impervious to alternate points of view. He attracts followers who are like the stepford wives, blindly following without thinking critically themselves. Those who disagree with him are marginalized and devalued. But it is always done behind a façade of spirituality that makes it impossible to penetrate. When he is in a group and is the only one to take a certain position he sees himself as a prophet speaking truth to those who are blind (never mind that the Old Testament prophets spoke for God directly). No amount of discussion or dialogue will shift him from his right and “prophetic” point of view.


When his stubbornness (arrogance) causes issues in his organization, it is spiritual warfare that he is up against (now those who disagree are unwitting agents of Satan). His vocabulary is filled with spiritual references (How do you argue against God?) so that rational dialogue is hard or impossible to have and disagreements are always couched in spiritual terms.


Dan has caused huge pain for many people. Those who are smart enough to recognize his methodology stay away from him, leaving him with sycophants who become his blind disciples. What Dan has done is to spiritualize both his strengths and his liabilities in order to justify both in ways that allow him to avoid dealing with his shadow side or admitting that his behaviors often hurt others.


In essence his method for dealing with his shadow side is a spiritual narcissism hidden behind spiritual vocabulary that keeps him from accepting accountability for his shadow side. Because of the spiritual façade, many are afraid to name his conduct for what it is – poor EQ, narcissistic, deeply unhealthy, hurtful to others and frankly emotionally sick. But, Dan feels good because he does not need to face the reality of his own dark side – while in the process hurting others.


Spirituality, real like Paul’s or a façade like Dan’s does not compensate for our shadow side with must be managed carefully if we are to be people of deep influence.

Managing the Shadow Side

I remember as a child playing a game of trying to move fast enough to lose my shadow. It never worked. My shadow followed me no matter what I did. I could jump, dodge and weave and the shadow remained.



We all have a shadow side: it is the side of us that we try to ignore and don’t want to acknowledge. As a result, it often gets us into trouble with others and can severely compromise our influence if not destroy it altogether. Deep influence is, after all gained the hard way as we have already seen. Unfortunately it can easily be compromised or destroyed if we don’t practice the discipline of managing our shadow side. The stronger our strengths – the longer our shadow!

As Christian leaders we have an ideal us that we want to project to others – and believe about ourselves. We believe in spiritual transformation and desperately desire that transformation for our lives. We are often disciplined to a fault in our effort to become all that God wants us to become. But like my childhood game, we will never lose our shadow side until we finally meet Christ face to face. In the meantime, we need to understand ourselves deeply, know where the shadow side lies, manage it carefully and allow the Holy Spirit to deeply sensitive us to facets of our wiring and areas of personal temptation that make up our shadow side.


It is easy to spot the shadow side in others. They are those behaviors that disempower others, cause us frustration or anger and frankly the very things we wish we could talk to them about. Unfortunately for us they are not alone. Our issues may be different but each of us has a shadow side that regularly threatens to lessen our influence and detract from the impact God desires us to have.


Every strength we possess comes with a requisite downside – a liability. When we exercise our strengths we live in our sweet spot – if we are also managing the downside of those strengths.


One of my five signature strengths on Strengthfinders is that I am a “maximizer.” As a maximizer, I want to always maximize ministry opportunity and leave nothing on the table. This means that I will question why we do things the way we do them and always push for the most effective strategy to maximize results with the people, resources and opportunities we have. As an organizational leader, this is a great strength to have and it has had a positive impact on the methodology of our organization.


But there is a downside as well. As a maximizer I can easily become impatient with strategies that do addition rather than multiplication. It is not the impatience that is a bad thing – it can be a very good thing, but when my impatience causes me to be less diplomatic, respond harshly or in some way devalue others who don’t yet “get it,” the strength has gone to its shadow side. I am sure there are those who have viewed me over the years as insensitive and uncaring in situations where I did not adequately manage the shadow side of this otherwise great strength.

Knowing the shadow side of our strengths allows us to manage or compensate in ways that prevent the strength from becoming a liability. I have learned in the case of my maximizer strength to press more gently and dialogue more than preach to help others understand that we can move toward greater effectiveness if we think multiplication rather than addition. I have learned the hard way over the years that process and time are essential ingredients to moving people and organizations in a more effective direction. And, I have learned the necessity of simply being patient in situations where in the past I would have been far less patient.


I have a pastor friend who is the ultimate relationship guy. If he were to take Strengthsfinders, I am sure his number one strength would be “woo” which means he influences others by bringing them into his orbit with the force of his friendly demeanor. He also has a gift for talking – which most highly relational folks do. Everyone in the church loves him because he is so winsome, so encouraging, and everyone feels connected to him. There is no manipulation involved, it is who he is. Much of what he has accomplished as a leader in his church comes back to his winsome, relational style. It is a huge strength and I have watched it for years.


However, this great strength also has its liabilities – its shadow side. He has found over the years that he could “wing it” on many issues and just get by with his relational skill rather than doing his homework on critical issues. That works for a while but not forever, and staff and church leaders often feel that they have been shortchanged by a lack of discipline in decision making because my friend has learned to do it by the seat of his pants rather than through team. He simply uses the force of his personality to convince others that his way is the right way.


And he is hard to disagree with. He is the ultimate debater who can dominate any conversation and meeting – and usually does, leaving others feeling like they cannot win and their opinion is not important. Because he is so likable, he often gets away with it but it is not without cost. The cost is a feeling of being used, not being heard, and a sense of being devalued in the process. His team meetings are not about mutual dialogue but about him expounding. This has led to tension with his team and his board who feel that it is a one man show. At one point of tension, my friend almost lost his church because of the shadow side of his relational strength.

Every strength brings with it a liability, a shadow side that unless recognized, become sensitized to and managed will either compromise the strength, or can even turn the strength into a greater liability than the strength itself. The latter case is the ultimate irony about our strengths. Unchecked, our strengths can become the very means of our loss of influence and effectiveness. It is on those shoals that many brilliant men and woman have lost their influence!

Defining the future of your church

If a congregation is going to be as effective as it could be it is imperative to be clear on four questions: Why do we exist? What are our non negotiables? What do we need to be doing day in and day out to maximize our effectiveness? What do we want the result of our ministry to be? In my book, Leading From The Sandbox, I describe how a church can build a sandbox around these four sides, invite people to play inside that sandbox and in the process bring clarity to who you want to be as a church.

The following are the answers for those four sides from a church I have recently worked with (still in draft form for them). If you have never clarified these four questions for your congregation I would encourage you to think about what your answers would be.  And then to clarify. The lack of clarity in local churches is one of the greatest reasons that we miss out on greater missional effectiveness.

Mission (why we exist)

Grace Church exists to help others love God and love one another as we bring Christ to our world.

Guiding Principles (Our Non negotiables)

Word based and Spirit Empowered


We are committed to the Word of God as being the foundation for all that we believe, how we relate to one another within the church and how we relate and minister to the world around us. Knowing that it is only God’s power through his Spirit that makes it possible for us to live as He wants us to live, we are committed to allowing God’s Spirit to work in our lives and transform us into Christ’s image.


Gospel Centered


We are a gospel centered church changing lives and communities in the power of God’s Spirit. As a Gospel centered church we place Christ at the center of all we do, of whom we want to become and His priorities as reflected in the Scriptures are our priorities. We believe that Christ alone is the hope of the world, that our lives should be radically transformed by His Spirit and that our transformation will have a transformative effect on those around us and the communities in which we live.


Grace Filled


Just as God’s grace is the basis of our salvation, we are called to extend His amazing grace to one another. This includes a willingness to forgive one another, live at peace with one another, care for and love one another and assume the best of one another. We desire the qualities of grace, love and forgiveness to permeate our fellowship. In line with God’s grace we reject all forms of legalism and live with a gracious spirit in those areas were we may differ on life style choices that are not clearly delineated in Scripture.


Embracing All


As a Gospel centered and grace filled fellowship, we will actively love all in our communities including those from all socio economic groups, racial backgrounds and the marginalized, forgotten and oppressed. As a multi-generational church we work to make all welcome and to minister to all the generations that make Grace Bible Church their home. As Jesus welcomed all who came to him so we welcome all who come to us.


Community and World Focused


The Gospel of Christ compels us to actively and intentionally reach out into our communities, circles of influence and to our world with the message of God’s grace. We actively resist the temptation to become comfortable on our church campus to the exclusion of engaging our friends, neighbors and communities with the message of the gospel. We are committed to actively cooperate with Christ in the local and global work of the Great Commission.


Gift Based


We believe that every Christ follower is called to use his or her gifts in an active way – “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10).” We are intentional in encouraging every individual within our fellowship to understand how God has wired them and to use their wiring and gifts for the advancement of His cause both inside and outside the church.


Missional and Empowered


Grace Church embraces a missional mindset where ministry decisions are intentionally designed to fulfill God’s purpose for His church: helping people come to faith in Christ and embracing spiritual transformation where we increasingly become the people God designed us to be. We are not content with being “comfortable” but rather, taking the risk to follow Jesus and accomplish everything we can for His purposes. Your leaders are also committed to releasing the congregation into meaningful ministry in line with each individuals wiring and gifting.


Flexible Structures


As a Gospel centered and missional congregation we are ready to be flexible in our ministry structures and paradigms so that we can respond in a timely and effective manner to ministry opportunities God gives us. This includes a willingness to evaluate all ministries for their effectiveness, to ensure that our governance structures always serve our mission and a flexible mindset that is more concerned about ministry effectiveness than how we have done things in the past.

Central Ministry Focus

(What we need to be doing all the time)

Grace Church is a place where all of us are taking the next step of obedience to Christ and using our unique gifting to further God’s transformational agenda for our world.

Our Culture: Spiritual Transformation

 (What we want the result of our ministry to be)

Grace Church desires to be a place where God is actively transforming His people into the image of Christ and where we are actively participating in that transformation through our obedience and followership.


Transformation of our minds where we think like God thinks and His concerns become our concerns


Transformation of our hearts where we become recipients of God’s grace and the agents of His grace to those around us


Transformation of our relationships where we see others as God sees them and love others as God loves us


Transformation of our priorities where we adopt God’s priorities and actively live out those priorities in our daily lives

Interminable Board Meetings

It is why many choose not to serve on boards. It is why many boards cannot make decisions and live in deadlock. It is why one or two board members can hold the board hostage by never allowing a decision to be made. It is why many boards live by “resawing the sawdust” over and over again!


If the business you work for operated like many interminable boards, they would be out of business. It is, in fact, foolishness to allow a board to deliberate, deliberate, deliberate; never having the courage or discipline to simply make a decision and move on – with the agreement that everyone present will support that decision. Ironically, board meetings are often interminable over insignificant issues that should have taken ten minutes to decide and yet take the board into the wee hours of the morning.


It is also no uncommon with undisciplined boards to make a decision and then revisit that decision time and again because a board member does not agree or someone in the congregation disagreed (really?).


If you are suffering from interminable church board meetings I encourage you to adopt a set of principles that will allow your board to live with discipline and allow it to move along. The ministry of the church will not move any faster than the board can do its business – scary thought.


1. Use an agenda and put the most important issues on the agenda first.


2. Live within your time parameters.


3. After discussion take a vote and move on.


4. Through a board covenant ensure that all board members will support the decision made.


5. Have a written document that describes how your board does its business and abide by it.


6. Except in unusual cases, don’t revisit decisions made.


7. Never allow any board member to hold the board hostage by refusing to make a decision.


8. Delegate all those decisions that do not rise to the level of board discussion – many issues do not.


9. Empower your board chair to lead the meeting so that it moves through the agenda.


10. Get up and go home if the board goes over its allocated time – even if others choose to stay and resaw sawdust. You don’t need to.

Restlessness

Twice in the past week I have had conversations with ministry leaders, one in their forties and one in their fifties who expressed a deep restlessness and significant boredom. Both are in good and secure ministries but knowing that their time is probably up for what they are currently doing.

Restlessness should not be ignored. It is a sign that some kind of transition is needed and it is often planted in our hearts by God so that we don't simply stay in our comfort zone but rather on the cutting edge of where He wants us to be. Those who ignore the restlessness often end up settling for the easy route in their latter years but not the route that would have yielded the most ministry impact.

Restlessnes does not necessarily mean it is time to leave (although it could) but it does meant that unless there is significant reformulation of what one is doing, the satisfaction and joy of work will be noticibly lesser than it should and could be. It is often a sign that we are not operating at our fullest capacity and that God wired us for more than we are currently doing.

Restlessness is a time to pray and explore new options for our ministries. It is also a time to find avenues of growth (boredome often means extra time on our hands) where we can grow and develop where we are as we wait for our next assignment. It is really a gift from God to get our attention that He has something more and better for us at this time of our lives and in the meantime, personal growth can prepare us for what comes next.

If you are restless, don't ignore it. Maybe it is just a stage of life. More likely, it is a divine nudge to either reformulate what you are doing or to consider a move where you can better play to all the strengths God gave you.

Do it alone or do it together

I am always fascinated by the tendency of local churches to get involved with ministry internationally by themselves rather than partnering with others. Take Haiti for example: Thousands of churches in the United States have projects in Haiti that are isolated from what anyone else is doing. Even in the face of the earthquake, each one does its thing rather than partnering with others where the synergies of partnership would far outweigh the benefits of doing it alone.

Perhaps it is the American spirit of independence or the need to control and count something as ours. In the end, while good work is often done, better work could have been done if there was cooperation and partnership with others who were committed to like minded projects.  Even within denominations, churches work in places like Haiti oblivious to what their fellow churches are doing or even the mission arm of the denomination. One has to ask the question of why?

Doing it together with others has some amazing payoffs for ministry results. First, we learn from others. We pay an amazing amount of "dumb tax" when we go it alone and have to learn the hard way lessons that have been learned countless times before by others that we could have avoided if we worked together rather than alone. Countless times I have heard from local churches the of the expensive and painful mistakes that were made and how hard it was to extricate themselves from them - particularly dependencies that they created because they didn't have a better model. I for one don't want to pay "dumb tax" that I don't need to pay. I want to learn from whoever I can learn from, find best practices and avoid unnecessary complications.

Doing it together provides a critical mass of energy, people, resources and ideas that can dramatically increase the ministry punch and effectiveness over doing it alone. For instance, many churches adopt a sister church in another country. What would happen if rather than simply trying to impact one church in that community we found partners who would work with us to partner with all the evangelical churches in that community and move from making a small difference to making a big difference? 

Doing it together provides for long term sustainability because it is no longer dependent just on my church but on a group of churches. When we do it alone we actually put the ministry we work with at risk because if the vision, personnel or budget of the church shifts there is a cost to those we partner with.

The New Testament gives us a great example of doing it together rather than doing it alone. When money was raised for the needy in Jerusalem it was the churches together who cooperated and did what could never have been done by just one church.

I am convinced that our desire for autonomy, for counting something as ours is an anti value to God and His work. It is better than doing nothing but it is far from the ideal and it leaves an amazing amount of ministry opportunity on the table. I may not work to cooperate and partner with everyone but that is no excuse to not partner with some. The cost to us is seeing our work as "ours together" rather than "mine alone." This is true for churches and mission organizations and even our national partners who tend to guard their turf as diligently as we guard ours.

This is why in our organization, ReachGlobal we proclaim loudly that we don't own anything, control anything or count anything as ours. It is God's not ours. We are also partnership driven whether with multiple partners in the US or overseas - including partners that are not from our parent denomination and other mission agencies. God did not die for the EFCA, He died for His bride - the church. In that spirit we are also not intent on multiplying EFC churches globally but healthy, interdependent, self supporting, indigenous and reproducing churches no matter what the name over the door.

Doing it alone may satisfy our ego needs but it is not what most satisfies the heart of God for His people to work in concert to build His church. And it leaves tremendous opportunity on the table that could have been claimed for Him. I for one, pray for a new spirit of cooperation among God's people to build His church and to do so in partnership with like minded partners, domestic and international.

Integrity in Preaching

I received an interesting inquiry from an individual today who has just discovered that his pastor is using other people's messages (the Internet is a great revealer) without attribution. He wondered what he should do.

I believe that there are two key issues at stake here, the first being integrity. All of us know that using someone else's content without giving them credit for it is plagiarism. In academia, plagiarism can be cause for firing. In politics it can be cause for losing elections or ones job. Everyone recognizes that there is an ethical lapse when plagiarism occurs, it is a violation of the command, "You shall not steal."

It ought to bother us a lot when pastors use other peoples content without disclosing where it came from. It ought to bother us if pastors use illustrations that they indicate are their own when in fact they are not. It does not matter that pastors post their messages on the web for others to use. If one is going to use other people's content, integrity insists that the source of that content is acknowledged. A best practice is to footnote sermon notes with attribution where it is deserved.

I believe there is another issue and that is that pastor/teachers preach to a unique audience - their congregation and to simply use the content of others violates their obligation to speak to their people about issues that their people face. Paul did not write the same letters to the Ephesians, Romans, Thessalonians or Philippians. He wrote unique letters that addressed their unique situations and spoke to their situations from God's perspective. That is what good shepherds do.

To use other people's content in our preaching is plain laziness. We are influenced by others writing and our own research as we plan a text but ultimately we must speak to the audience God has given us and apply His word to the unique situations they face.

To those who regularly use others content I would ask this question. Do your leaders know and approve or would they find it problematic if they found out. To be above board one is truthful with leaders as to where one's content comes from and truthful to the congregation through proper attribution.

It is a matter of integrity. My advice to the one who wrote me would be to share his concern with his pastor and if there is still not acknowledgement as to the source of his preaching to speak to the board.

If there is not integrity in our preaching of God's truth which is a paradigm of integrity, we are in deep trouble.

Tragedy and Eternal Hope

The news from Haiti continues to get worse with estimates this morning that the death toll will rise above 200,000 and lawlessness in the streets is on the increase. A country that hangs by a thread on a good day is challenged beyond belief in the wake of the horrific earthquake.

Along with the various aid groups, governments and United Nations bringing initial aid are hundreds of Christian organizations. If history is any predictor, after the initial aid is delivered the governmental organizations will fade into the background and it will be faith based organizations who will be in Haiti for years to come rebuilding lives and homes and ministries. This was true in Asia in the wake of the Tsunami and is still true in New Orleans and Texas in the wake of Katrina and Ike.

I believe the generosity of the church will exceed even the great outpouring in the wake of the Asian Tsunami. Tens of thousands of volunteers will step forward in short term teams. And, like the aftermath of Tsunami, Katrina and Ike, many lives will be changed forever as they experience the love of God's people. In fact, in the wake of the earthquake, Haiti, a country in desperate need of spiritual awakening may have the greatest opportunity in its history to turn to the only source of eternal hope - Jesus Christ.

It is in times of tragedy that the church is at its best and the opportunity for evangelism at its highest. The compassion of God's people in times of great suffering is a model of the incarnation of Jesus who came to a world without hope, entered into our situation and brought eternal hope.

We ought to be praying that out of this horrific event, many would find eternal hope as they encounter the love of God's people who become His hands, feet, words, compassion and help. Human tragedy always becomes a divine opportunity and I know that the church will rise to the occasion in an amazing way. Governments can bring food and water. God's people will be bringing living water for years to come.

Seasons

Can you imagine a world without seasons? Without days, weeks, months, years, decades? Or the turning of the seasons annually: winter, spring, summer, fall?

While we don't often think about it, God designed our world and our lives to have a rhythm. Into each week He built a day of rest so that we would weekly take time to refresh and reflect on Him. The months provide signposts of the year, and each new month brings with it a new sense of anticipation. Even those who don't know God celebrate the closing out of one year and the start of another. Why? Because there is a deep desire to see something new happen, to close one chapter and anticipate a new and better chapters. That is why the urban centers of the world will be full of revelers tonight.

As I look back over the past year I can see the fingerprint of God all over it - even in the dark days like those spent in the ICU on a ventilator in Thailand far from home. I can see faith that is stronger, work for him that is accomplished, the blessing of his hand on my life.

As I look forward to the new year I think of new opportunities to grow, serve, stretch, learn, lean into Him, ministry to be accomplished and blessings of His that will come that I have no knowledge of today. As Jeremiah so aptly said, His mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness. Each new year is like a present to be unwrapped three hundred sixty five times to see what God has for us. That is an amazing thought. Every day in 2010 we will wake up to new mercies and His great faithfulness. Each day, we will experience His grace and love and provision. Each day we will experience His goodness if we are attentive.

I love the change of seasons and the turning of the calendar because each time I can anticipate unknown gifts and blessings from my Father whose treasure store in heaven will never be exhausted. Whatever life brings, His provision outweighs it all. Great is His Faithfulness in 2009 and 2010.

Missions and the Incarnation

The word incarnation is a beautiful word because it describes a God who stepped out of eternity into time and history, out of the freedom of existing as a spirit into the frailty of bones and flesh, out of the realm of creator to become one of those He created. The one who had formed the universe, fashioned our planet, set in motion humanity comes to enter our world, our lives, our temptations, our struggles and our existence.

In doing so, He brought God to us in a way never before imagined and in the most personal way possible. Incarnation is about God with us because God has entered into our lives by becoming one of us. That is why one of the names for God is Emmanuel – God with us!

Perhaps of all callings on this planet, that of a missionary is most like what God did through the incarnation. As Jesus became God among us by living with us, so we take on the same role by going to others and living among them, taking on their culture, their language, sharing their lives as Emmanuel to them.

Missionaries give up the privileges and comforts of their home culture to share in the story of incarnation by taking on the lives of others so that they too can know the one who brought grace and truth. Those who send them, like the Father sent Jesus, pay a price to make the story of incarnation an ongoing story.

The name Emmanuel has always been one of my favorite names for God. It is a name I can relate to – God with us – God with me, God among us. What a beautiful and deeply hopeful name. It is in the spirit of that name that every missionary goes to a place that is not their home to make a home so that those who have no spiritual home can find a home. It is being Emmanuel to those who don’t yet know that there is a God who can live with them and among them. As Jesus said, “As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world” (John 17:18).Each one who goes and to each one who sends participates in the ongoing miracle of the incarnation.

Incarnation and Reconciliation

Peace is one of the most elusive of humanities desires. As we celebrate Christmas in the United States refugees have fled to the forests in Congo to escape rogue armies, wars are being fought in the Middle East, Christians are being harassed in many countries and terrorists plot their next moves.

It has always been so since our forefathers left the garden. And into a world of conflict the Savior came to be our peace (Ephesians 2:14) and reconcile us to God. And, to reconcile us to one another (Galatians 3:26-29). The words and message of reconciliation and peace blanket the New Testament.

Think about this. Jesus became man and died so that we could be reconciled to God. And then He called us to be reconciled to one another as brothers and sisters in Christ and to live at peace to the greatest extent of our ability with all people.

If Jesus cared so deeply about reconciliation, we should as well - starting in our families where estrangement is so common, our churches where unity is often compromised, among fellow believers where we are too quick to live with critical spirits and in a society that loves to divide rather than unite.

And God did not wait until we asked for reconciliation. He took the first step. He came to us when we were not looking for Him. He humbled himself (Philippians 2:1-11) rather than waiting for us to humble ourselves.

It raises some questions worth considering:

Is there someone I am estranged from that I can attempt to be reconciled to?

If there is, am I, like Jesus willing to humble myself and take the first step even if I am the aggrieved?

Are there ways that I can help bring reconciliation between others who are estranged?

How can I help bring reconciliation between races and people groups who live with estrangement?

Reconciliation is a deeply Christian value rooted deeply in the incarnation where the God of Scripture did what no other God of any religion had ever done: Became a creature so that the creatures could be reconciled to the eternal. Every time I pray for reconciliation, attempt reconciliation, humble myself to bring reconciliation I mirror the character of Jesus. The mark of a believer is that he/she has been reconciled to God in Jesus and in turn brings reconciliation between peoples who are in conflict.

When The Sheep Bite

In his qualifications for overseers or elders in 1 Peter 5, Peter gives a crucial requirement – that shepherds serve “not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be” (1 Peter 5:2). Why is it so critical that leaders serve willingly? I believe it is because those nice, furry, soft gentle looking sheep have minds of their own and they may even bite the hand or foot that feeds them.

If you have been a ministry leader for any length of time you know this to be true. In fact, I believe that some of the most painful seasons for Christian leaders come when they are shot at from within their own camp. When the sheep bite our natural tendency is to kick back – hard - but that is exactly what a faithful shepherd does not do. Leaders who serve because of obligation are far more likely to kick back than those who have counted the cost and have chosen to lead in spite of the sacrifices inherent in the job.

I did not leave my church years ago because of outside difficulties but because of a few insiders who wanted me to go. My pain was not from the pagans in the community but the “saints” in the pew. And at a time when significant growth was taking place, individuals were coming to Christ regularly (one or more per week), and lives were being significantly changed. And my situation was far from unique – it happens every day in the bride of Christ to the chagrin and pain of the One who died for the bride. But it is the consequence of living and ministering in a fallen world.

In fact, I can say that the most painful periods of my leadership career have been the result of those I was supposed to be leading, choosing not to be led, choosing to bite or choosing to sow discord and difficulty for me and others. It is the reality and the price of leadership and it is one of the key reasons that many leaders choose to drop out. They are disillusioned at the source of their pain – and they should be.

In the wake of many years of ministry I can say with faith that God is fair – it is part of his character. I can also say with clarity that people and circumstances of life are often not! And that one of the burdens of serving Christ is the willingness to accept that unfairness for the sake of the One we serve and the cause He represents.

Jesus told His disciples, “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you” (John 15:18-19).

In his farewell to the Ephesian elders, Paul reminds those leaders that they will also face trouble from within the congregation. “I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them. So be on your guard” (John 20:29-31).

Herein lies a challenge for those who lead God’s people. We choose this ministry because of our love for Him and our desire to point people to Him. We soon discover that many people don’t play fair, that ungodly attitudes and actions are ubiquitous even in the church and our efforts to shepherd others is often met with resistance. That is a rude awakening for every pastor and Christian leader. For young leaders it can bring periods of great pain, as it did me. And unfortunately the pain does not cease as the years pass. What can change is our ability to handle pain inherent in ministry.

It was no different for Christ whom we serve as undershepherds. He was a man of sorrows acquainted with grief. He dealt with the sadness of death and loss. At His most painful and crucial hour he was abandoned by those closest to him. People he had compassion for walked away, unwilling to pay the price of following him. When His teaching became hard for those to hear they abandoned him in great numbers. His own disciples often did not understand what He was telling them. He was maligned and his character besmirched. He was targeted by the evil one with temptation.

I am frequently amused by the long list of potential bad side affects one reads when prescribed new medication. They want you to know that in taking this medication, these bad things may happen. There ought to be mandatory courses on the cost of ministry for all those who are thinking about going into full time ministry. There are a list of side effects that unlike medications are not simply likely to happen but will happen.

This is not to discourage would be Christian workers. I would not choose to do anything else at any price. But my choice is made knowing the cost – and also knowing that this is what Christ has called me too and that my reward will not primarily come in this life “And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away” (1 Peter 5:4). I also know that it is in the moments of deepest suffering that I become the person God meant me to be. Thus I have the privilege of “sharing in the fellowship of His suffering,” as I serve Him, following in His footsteps, and becoming more like Him in the hard times. There is a cost to ministry which is why I counsel people not to go into full time ministry unless they are absolutely sure that this is where God is calling them to be. The cost is high – but the benefits are higher.

And the test of our character is not how we respond when times are good but when times are bad. That is when our truest character is revealed and for those who serve as under shepherds it comes down to this: when the chips are down do we preserve or hurt the bride?

I am deeply distressed by the number of pastors and Christian leaders, who when the chips are down, when they are under pressure to leave their ministry – for whatever reason – choose to hurt God’s work in anger on their way out! Their anger may or may not be justified but hurting God’s work is never justified and when it is the local church is it doing violence to the bride of Christ.

Al pastured a church in the west. He had been with the church for over a dozen years and had seen significant ministry growth during his tenure. But as the church grew, the leadership demands also grew. Individuals tried to come around the pastor to help define direction and vision but they were resisted – he was threatened by their help. That resulted in a quiet exodus from the church over a period of several years as those who had a passion to see something more done for Christ left for places where that was happening.

At the board level, the tension mounted as board members tried to negotiate a leadership vacuum. One day, Al, came to the board angry and asked for a vote of confidence. He received no votes. His parting words to the board at the meeting was, “I may just not leave. I may take the church down to 150 (from 500) and start over.” It was a threat that the board understood all too well.

Al, like thousands of other Christian workers was at a crossroads. It was unlikely that there was going to be a successful resolution to the issue of his leadership. The question was whether he would choose to leave in a way that preserved the unity of the body or to do so in a way that divided the body. In this case, in his anger and in spite of an extremely generous severance he chose to divide the body (in spite of a written commitment not to do so). As friends came to him he told them how he had been wronged and painted himself as the victim. Leaders were unwilling to do public battle with him and further cause division so that when all was said and done, two hundred or so had left the church after Al left.

Regardless of whether Al felt justified in his actions when the chips were down, his character as a Christian leader did not stand the test and he chose to hurt the bride of Christ. He failed the test of suffering by responding to that suffering in ways that would bring honor rather than disrepute to the cause of Christ. At one time or another all Christian leaders face these choices. It is at that moment our true character and motivations for ministry are revealed. And it comes from deep inside our hearts and souls.

When we fight back like Al did and all of us are tempted to do we forget who our audience is as Christ’s leaders. We fight back because we have been hurt. We fight back because our reputation has been sullied. We fight back because we forget that it is not about us but about Him.

Paul understood that ultimately he served an audience of One: Jesus Christ and that he would ultimately answer for his actions and ministry to only one. “So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, good or bad” (2 Corinthians 5:9-10). If we suffer we do so for Him. If we respond we do so in a way that pleases Him. It is not about us but about Him, so how we respond to suffering must be in a way that brings glory to Him rather than looking after our personal concerns.

What Captivates Your Heart?

What captivates your heart?

My observation is that we vastly overrate life on this planet and vastly underrate eternity. Jesus, constantly tried to refocus the vision of those he came into contact with to focus their lives on eternity, not simply this life.

In one of those passages he says, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also…No one can serve two masters” (Matthew 6:19-24).

Here is the question: Are we convinced that God and His purposes are so important that our vision is to live a life that does everything possible to make his Son well known and His reputation great, knowing that as we do this we are storing up treasures in heaven. Or are we focused instead primarily on our own lives. Jesus is inviting us to give up our shabby little dreams for a grand and eternal vision of joining Him in His work and His purposes.

C.S. Lewis said it so well: “We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

Are we too easily pleased? You know what captivates my heart? A world that is desperate for a Savior, for spiritual answers, for a friend, for a purpose to give their lives to. What captivates my heart is that half the people who have ever lived in human history are alive today. Seven billion, of whom at least five billion probably do not know Jesus. I will do everything I can to bring the good news to those who without it will spend eternity without Jesus. And I will give all that I can to see that happen.

What captivates my heart are the three and a quarter billion people on this planet who live on three dollars a day or less. Who do not have food, clothing, medical care or even clean water. I remember the words of God through the prophet Isaiah, “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen; to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke. To set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?”

When we show people the love of Christ in tangible ways, they are open to hear about a relationship with Christ and I will do everything I can to be the hands and feet and help of Jesus to those who need it and I will give of my treasure to see that happen.

What captivates my heart are my neighbors, coworkers and those in my circle of influence who are lost and helpless like sheep without a shepherd. Most of them are trying to find happiness in their stuff and it is not delivering. The good news is that the emptiness of that pursuit becomes an opportunity for us to share the news of an eternal father who loves them with an infinite love and longs to give them an eternal purpose.

What captivates our heart is where our treasures and focus go. Our hearts can only be captivated by one vision. A vision that focuses on this life or a vision that focuses on eternity and joining God in His purposes. One is settling for building mud pies in the slum while the other is like a holiday at sea.

A vision that focuses on this life asks how little I have to give so that I can keep the rest. A vision that focuses on eternity and joining God in His purposes asks how much I really need to live on so that I can give the rest.

Mission Drift

Anyone who has done much fishing knows the challenge. You park in one spot on the water and start to fish. An hour later you realize that you have drifted a long ways from where you started and a correction is needed.

Drift takes place with organizations - churches - and ministries all the time. One thinks we got parked or anchored in the right place but over time, our location changes and it is so incremental that we often don't notice it until we are a long ways from where we thought we were.

It is mission drift. It is vision drift.

Mission and vision drift take place because it is far easier to pay attention to our activities and programs - which take on a life of their own than it is to stay focused on our reason for existence and the direction we have committed to. Over time we move from actively piloting to allowing auto pilot to do the work for us.

Recently two Northwest pilots put their plane on auto pilot and became distracted with their own laptops in the cockpit. They overshot the Twin Cities by 150 miles until finally Air Traffic Control got their attention and they turned around to come back for landing. Unfortunately this if often the case with ministries as well. But we wake up one day and wonder, how did we drift so far from our missional focus?

There are three key practices that can keep a ministry from moving to auto pilot and mission/vision drift. The first is to have absolute clarity on who they are, why they exist, where they are going and how they are going to get there. Most ministries don't have that clarity! It is clarity in the minds of leaders and it is the ability to communicate that clarity quickly, easily, continuously, all the time in ways that other leaders, volunteers and folks "get it." (If you do not have that kind of clarity I recommend reading Leading From The Sandbox).

The second key practice is that the job of senior leaders - all the time - is to keep that clarity of mission and vision in front of their teams. Unless leaders are evangelists for the mission and vision and keep finding new ways to communicate that message, drift absolutely will take place! It is far easier to drift into running programs and getting lost in activity than it is to stay focused on the prize and it will not happen unless leaders make the mission and vision and clarity job one!

The third key practice is to tie everyone's annual ministry plan and key result areas to the mission and vision in very tangible ways so that all activity, energy and focus is targeted on what is really important. Then, on a monthly basis in a mentoring/coaching meeting, supervisors dialogue with their direct reports on how they are doing in keeping their main things the main things.

Unlike the Northwest pilots there are no control towers keeping watch over most of our ministries - although that is one of the real jobs of boards. Take a few moments to think about the ministry or team you lead today. Are you and your people on auto pilot or are you focused like a lazer on the mission and vision you have been called to? If calibration is needed do what you need to do to bring your part of the organization back into alignment with vision and mission.

Organizational Gaps: Vision vs. Reality

Those who lead entrepreneurial ministries, or ministries going through change always face a challenge. It is the gap between the organizations vision for who they want to be and where they want to go and the reality of where they actually are.

A healthy organization's vision for itself is never full realized because as it becomes better at what it does the goal line continues to move. Thus the gap between vision and reality is always a reality for healthy organizations.

There are seven common responses to organizational change and to the gap between vision and reality. Understanding how people respond and why they respond the way they do can help leaders negotiate the whitewater of change and deal with the responses that follow from change and the space between current reality and desired future.

The continuum of responses runs from resistors to change to active evangelists of change.

Resisters. Resisters can come in two forms, active and passive. These are the people who don't like change, or are so vested in the past that they cannot envision the future - or don't want to. Active resisters are vocal about their opposition to the future being articulated. There are also passive resisters who pay lip service to the new future but do not bring their actions into alignment with it. They quietly rather than actively resist.

Cynics. Cynics choose to believe that there are ulterior motives behind the change being proposed. Typically, they are deeply cynical toward leadership and therefore transfer their cynicism toward the ideas that leaders propose. They will often see change as the flavor of the month and figure that given time the proposed changes will go away and the organization will go back to what it was. Cynics will often call attention to the gap between where a leader is calling the organization and where it is - using that gap as proof that the vision is either unattainable or foolish.

Loyal followers. These are individuals who like organizational clarity and who appreciate its articulation - whatever it is. They appreciate clear leadership and simply want to know what the direction is and they will follow that direction. While they will not necessarily promote change, they will gladly move in the direction that leaders propose, trusting those leaders in their direction.

Idealists. These are individuals who readily grab on to the vision of the future, embrace it, love it and expect that the organization will be there today. The up side is that they embrace the vision quickly. The down side is that they can easily become disillusioned and critical when change does not happen at the pace or in the way they desire. It is very difficult for idealists to be patient or accept gaps between vision and reality.

Realists. Realists understand both where the organization is trying to go and where it currently is. They understand the challenges of change, will not stand in the way of change and usually are not overly bothered by the gap.

Change agents. These individuals not only embrace the future, understand the past and present but they actively work all the time to close the gap between vision and reality. They take responsibility in their areas of influence and leadership to personally work on closing the gap. They are voices in the organization for the preferred future and work well with leaders who are the evangelists of change. In many ways, change agents are the guiding coalition for leaders seeking to bring change.

Evangelists for change. These are the leaders who are actively engaged in helping the organization move from reality to their preferred vision, and calling others to join them in the effort. They explain change, are architects of the new, and do all that they can to help move the organization from where it is to where it needs to go. They are deeply realistic about what is, deeply passionate about what must be and have the resolve to see the process through.

Two questions present themselves. First, where are you on this continuum in a change process and where are those around you? Understanding your position and that of others helps one understand the various responses to change and attitudes and actions related to change.

The Danger of Inconsistency

One of the traits that builds great trust between leaders and those they lead is personal and organizational consistency: the knowledge that what is said is meant and what is meant is lived out. Inconsistency breeds mistrust while consistency breeds trust.

A lack of consistent direction plagues many ministries. When a pastor suggests a direction to his staff that is different than what the board has decided, one has inconsistency. When leaders change their minds on directional issues on a regular basis there is inconsistency. When a stated direction or conviction is easily changed or violated, there is inconsistency. When people are allowed to violate stated commitments there is inconsistency.

Inconsistency confuses people - breeds cynicism and sends a message that what we say we are committed to is negotiable after all. If a leader can violate stated convictions, why cannot others - and they will. One of the reasons that values and guiding principles are viewed with some suspicion is that people have seen such values written and then ignored all too often. It is better not to write them than to do so and violate them. The same is true for other commitments that are made about who the organization is, what it is committed to and how it intends to move forward.

Many in our organization have heard me state, "Do not underestimate my resolve" around our mission, our values, our central ministry purpose and our preferred culture. Our stated commitments around these four areas which describe who we are are deep and carved in stone. We believe what we say and are committed to getting to what we believe. It is not always done perfectly but we want to do it consistently and send a strong message that these commitments are non-negotiable and will be lived out.

How strong is your resolve around your organizational commitments? Are your commitments and actions in alignment? Are you consistent with your message? Would those you lead be able to articulate what your commitments are? Do they know you are really serious about them? Is your board serious about what they say is important?

Consistency matters!

It's too dangerous

Recently, a church that had committed to working with ReachGlobal in a specific country pulled out because when they checked the State Department web site they discovered there was a travel advisory discouraging travel there. The comment was, "It's too dangerous."

I was fascinated by that response. Do we only go to places that are completely safe to do missions? If the answer is yes, we rule out most of the world! It is a good thing that Paul did not operate by that set of rules, or missionaries in the past 2,000 years.

Make a mental list of places where there is danger in our world and then ask, what would happen if we chose not to go because of a perceived danger?

In discussing this situation with a pastor recently he told me of a conversation he had with folks in his own church who were resisting a mission emphasis in a place that also had some danger.

He knew that these individuals supported the US intervention in Iraq. He asked if the danger and sacrifice of the war in Iraq was worth it. "Of course" they said, "it keeps America safe." "So," my friend said, "it is worth it to go to war in Iraq but it is not worth the risk to share the Gospel in (and he named the country)?"

What is the Gospel worth? What risk is acceptable or unacceptable in sharing the Gospel? And if the State Department Advisories - they are ubiquitous - determine where we do or don't go, what would Jesus or Paul have to say about that? They irony is that the country in question is actually a very safe place to work.

Missions today is about.....

Equipping others rather than doing it ourselves. With a world population of 6.5 billion it is critical that missionaries are equippers of others rather than simply doing it themselves. This is in line with Ephesians 4:12 where the emphasis is on equipping and giving ministry away. This is a change in how many missionaries see their role.

Partnering with others rather than doing it alone. Historically missions have not been very partnership friendly. They have gone it alone and have perpetuated all of the denominational distinctives from their homeland to the rest of the globe. Yet, Jesus did not die for our particular denominational brand but for the church. Working together both with other missions and with indigenous partners where they exist can help us reach greater numbers of people.

Raising up indigineous leaders rather than being the leader. Paul did just this in his church planting strategy. As quickly as possible he raised up, trained and appointed leaders for the church. If we are about equipping others rather than doing it ourselves we need to also give leadership away to those that we develop. That is the only way to start indigenous church movements and to guard against dependencies.

Involving all of God's people, not just some of God's people. Everyone has a stake on world evangelization. In today's world everyone can also play a vital role whatever our background or training. We can give, we can pray, we can participate long term or short term. Travel is cheap and opportunities are huge. Missions is no longer only the purview of those who have Bible School or Seminary training - and never should have been. God calls all of his people to be involved in the great commission and it has never been easier than today to carry that out in the international arena.

Going ourselves, not just sending others. There is no substitute for hands on experiences in missions. It so changes our hearts and perspectives that one church I know of will not allow new elders to come on their board who has not personally participated in their India ministry because they want to guard the missions DNA of their congregation. The more people who experience the world and missions first hand the more the congregation carries a great commission DNA.

Reclaiming the great commission as the call of the church and not the call of the para church. The responsibility and vision for world missions was given to the church, not the para church. Every congregation should be and can be personally involved. Para church mission agencies exist to serve the church in their global vision and not to work independently of the church on the sending or receiving side.

These six changes in how we see missions are really game changers for the global cause of Christ.

The Core Of Leadership

What is the core of good leadership? What makes one leader qualitatively different than another? Why do some leaders seem to lead from the hip while others seem to lead from somewhere deep inside? Why is it that some leaders lead effectively for a period of time while others have a leadership that stands the test of time?

For thirty plus years I have mulled on these and other leadership questions. From age 16 when I became the leader of my youth group at church, to leadership with InterVarsity in College, then leading a congregation as a pastor and for the past twenty two years in senior leadership within the Evangelical Free Church of America in various capacities. I have written on leadership (High Impact Church Boards and Leading From the Sandbox), I have read hundreds of books on the subject, have taught leadership principles and lead an organization (ReachGlobal) of six hundred individuals.

I have worked for good leaders and poor leaders. I have paid enough dumb tax in my own leadership to fill a book. I have consulted with ministry organizations and countless churches. I have written hundreds of blogs on leadership issues. I have learned much from countless people and have often read through Scripture with my leadership lens on since this is one of my life passions.

All that to say that I, like you, care a great deal about leadership and what makes for a good leader. As a leader, I want to lead well. At fifty three I am far more interested in long term leadership development and success than I am in the quick wins and fifteen minutes of fame. I realize that while I was wired to lead as evidenced by the leadership positions I had early on in life, that my understanding of leadership then was immature and undeveloped. It has taken 40 years of leadership in various capacities to understand that becoming a leader of Deep Influence is something that truly comes from great depth in our hearts and minds.

I believe that the answer to the questions above is that the best leaders, those who make the largest impact over the longest period of time. Who lead with the greatest wisdom and discernment for long term results and the building of the best teams lead from deep inside themselves and as a result have deep influence with the organization they lead. And the deeper that influence, the greater the leadership: influence to impact our world in significant ways for a cause greater than ourselves.

Both the Old and New Testaments make it clear that what is deepest in our hearts, souls and minds is that which informs our actions, thinking, priorities and leadership. Consider these examples:
Proverbs 4:24
“Above all else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.”
Proverbs 3:5-8
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes: fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.”
Matthew 15:18-20
“But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man unclean. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.”

Here is a truth about leadership that is often not acknowledged or paid much attention too. We lead from the core of our hearts and minds. The deeper that core is steeped in healthy and spiritual practices, the deeper the influence of our leadership. The shallower that core, the shallower our leadership.

The preponderance of books on leadership focus on what good leaders do, how they act, or the strategies they practice. Many of these books provide real insight into good leadership principles. But these are neither the most important issues in leadership nor are they were leadership starts. Great leadership starts deep inside us and the best leaders are different than other leaders. Their uniqueness lies not first in their ability to lead but in a set of intentional practices that they nurture - out of which comes a unique, powerful, and deeply influential leadership. Those practices, combined with good leadership ability make the difference between the average leader and a leader of deep influence.

Our world has many leaders but few leaders of deep influence. Much of what passes for leadership is not true leadership but simply a position of authority. True leadership is not about authority. Whenever you hear, “I am the leader and this is what we are going to do,” you rarely have leadership (there are exceptions where that kind of leadership is required, but seldom). You have someone in authority who thinks that leadership is about their telling others what they should do. They are not only wrong but do not understand the call of a leader.

Then there are many leaders who think that if they adopt the latest leadership theory or the style of leaders they admire that they too will lead well. This is often “flavor of the month” leadership which leads to cynicism among those they lead as the leadership practices and philosophy change with the winds. In this case, both the style and substance of the leader is coming from other people rather than from a place deep inside themselves.

Other leaders believe that the core of great leadership is action and they are always on the move, looking for the next strategy or initiative to pursue. Leaders are people of action. But the best action comes out of deep thinking, great understanding and the ability to connect the dots of opportunity, needs, organizational ability and strategy. The question is not whether leaders are people of action but whether their action comes from a depth of understanding that leads to an inner conviction rather than an addiction to action.

Sticky Factor

Many church leaders spend a great deal of time and energy in developing programs designed to bring new people into the church. That is a good thing. However, too few think about the structures needed to sustain the growth that comes. If there are not intentional structures the assimilate new people into the life of the church, what one is left with is a big front door and a big back door.

Larry Osborn of North Coast Church in Vista, CA calls this the sticky factor. He is the author of The Sticky Church. Interestingly, North Coast does not put huge attention on the programs to bring people in. They do put much emphasis on the sticky factor, or the structures that will keep people there once they come. As they have been intentional over the years, they have seen the congregation grow to over 7,000 in multiple venues.

A key structure for assimilating new members is a quality, well led, small group that is focused on relationship, prayer, care and learning together. People crave authentic relationships and personal significance. That is provided in the context of small groups that are well designed and well led. The larger the percentage of adults a congregation has in well designed and well led small groups, the higher the sticky factor for those who come. It is one of the key structures that will keep those who come coming back and integrate them into the life of the church.

Programming without the requisite structures to support growth - numerical and spiritual - are a waste of precious time, energy and resources. More important than the programming designed to bring people in is the sticky factor of your church to keep them if they come. The first without the second is not very productive. The second - even without much of the first - is highly productive.