Are you writing promise checks you cannot cash?

It is easy to say "yes" when we know we ought to say "no." It is easy to promise delivery on promises with unrealistic deadlines. These are "promise checks" that we are unable to cash. 

Why would we say yes when we should not, or promise to reach deadlines that are unrealistic? Let me suggest that there are often three reasons. First, we want to be liked and a "yes" to a request is an unconscious response that we hope will bring affirmation. Second, if we are conflict adverse, a "yes" when we should say "no" is clearly easier. Third, some of us are just wired to help others out so it seems to be the right thing to do. However, these can quickly backfire on us when we are unable to deliver on our promises. In not delivering we produce frustration in others and guilt in ourselves and finally, with time as our most precious possession, we eat up our own time with activities that we should not be engaged in.

It is easy to say "yes" in the moment and to regret that "yes" in the longer term. Every promise has a price tag attached that will require our time and attention. When we say yes to the wrong things we will create issues for ourselves and others. Most of us have done it and most of us have later regretted it. There are also people around us who may use our propensity to say "yes" to offload responsibilities they have.

How can we avoid this trap, especially when we feel we need to answer in the heat of the moment? My first suggestion is to develop a standard answer that gives you time to evaluate the request. Saying, "Let me think about that and I will get back to you," gives you necessary time to think through the request before you make a promise.

Then there are some questions we need to ask ourselves:

• If I agree to the request, do I have the time to fulfill it in the time frame requested?
• Is this request something that I am truly responsible for or is it really someone else's responsibility? 
• Am I trying to feel good, make others feel good toward me or am I simply avoiding the conflict that might come if I say "no." In other words what are my motivations to agree or disagree to the request?
• Will my "yes" create negative a impact for me with my time or energy, those around me like my family when I need to spend extra time working or will my "yes" take me away from more important work that I am responsible for?
• Is the request consistent with my priorities or will it detract from things that are more important in my life and work?

Asking these questions will often bring us to conclude that we should either decline the request - or modify the timetable. Of course that raises the question for the conflict adverse as to how they will communicate that back to the one asking for your time and attention.

One does not need to give all the reasons that you decline a request. The more you share, the more insecure you will come across and some people will take advantage of that. A simple answer like, "I appreciate the request but as I have thought about it I realize that I am full up at the moment and need to decline" will suffice. In most cases you don't need to justify your answer. Just be straightforward with your answer.

As hard as it is for some of us to say those words, it is deeply liberating when you realize that you did not add time and energy to your already busy life and you did not write a promise check that you cannot cash.

5 marks of a good consultant

It is normal for a business, non-profit or ministry to need a consultant from time to time. However, there is often a built in bias against "another" consultant based on prior (less than satisfying) experiences. In addition, there may be staff who resist bringing in an outsider due to their own insecurities and fear of change. Often they will say, "We have our own staff who can figure this out." The truth is that their staff might be able to help another organization figure it out but we are often blind to issues within our own organization. 

Finally, the right consultant can say things that if articulated by staff could create conflict within the organization. However, as a neutral outsider who has not have a "dog in the fight" the consultant can ask questions, press into issues and even suggest alternatives that would not be heard from someone on the inside. In addition, a consultant can comment on staff members who may no longer fit the role that they are in.

The challenge of course is to find the "right" consultant who will help the organization address the gaps that may be keeping it from reaching its full potential. They have the ability to understand the moving parts (like the Rubik cube) and get the right pieces in place for  a solution. I believe that the marks of the best consultant are as follows:

1. They have a successful track record to helping organizations understand the issues they are facing and to articulate those issues with simplicity and clarity. The way to find that out of course is to talk to other organizations they have worked with. Good consultants don't complicate issues that may already be complicated but are able to synthesize and simplify issues that need to be addressed. Remember that the core issues may not be the ones that convinced you an outside consultant was necessary as presenting issues are not always the real issues but rather manifestations of something more fundamental.

2. They have the ability to be independent in their thinking. This is especially important as staff will frequently lobby consultants to take their position or their solution. The best consultants gather data from as many individuals as they can, examine the issues and while empathizing with those they talk to keep an open mind until they are able to identify the real issues and make recommendations to the organization.

In one situation where I was asked to deal with a difficult conflictual situation within a congregation, one of the elders asked a prior client if I could be objective. Then answer was, "Oh, he will be objective but you might not like his objectivity." The elder was willing to trust me based on prior work I had done and while I did not deliver the solution he would have wanted he told me some time later that he would have made the same recommendations if he were in my shoes.

A good consultant is willing to speak truth to those in leadership with diplomacy but full candor. This requires not only objectivity but courage as some may not like the candor.

3. They don't come in assuming that the presenting issues are the real or core issues that need to be addressed. Frequently, presenting issues merely mask deeper and more important issues with staff, leaders, organizational structures or strategy. The best consultants don't assume that what is presented on the front end will be the core issues they address but wait to understand how the interconnected parts fit together.

4. They will walk with the organization to solve the problems they identify. It is one thing to say "Here are your problems." It is another to say "Here are your problems and these are my suggestions for resolving them." The best consultants say, "Here are your problems from my perspective (with the data to back up their observations), these are the solutions I would recommend and I am here to help you implement those solutions." 

The ability to help an organization implement solutions is critical because often the "outside voice" of one who has no role in the organization is necessary to resolve the issues and help the organization move on. This is a coaching, truth telling and diplomatic role (especially when it is necessary to make some personnel changes) that give those in authority the data and insight they need in order to walk through the necessary change process. Even seasoned leaders often need coaching in the change process. 

5. They have healthy Emotional Intelligence. Why is this so important? It is because resolving issues always involves some kind of change and change impacts people and people must be persuaded that a certain course of action is in their best interest. This is often the toughest part for a consultant. I have always maintained that understanding the issues is about 10% of the challenge while the other 90% is helping to manage the change process because people are involved at every point. All of that takes good relational and emotional intelligence to understand others and help persuade them that making these changes will allow them be more successful as an organization. 

All of these marks can be ascertained by dialogue with a potential consultant as well as talking to those they have served in the past. This is a unique skill set that sets the best consultants apart from the rest. 

Investing in direct reports is a critical factor of a leader's success

Leaders have conversations all the time. It is what they do but not all conversations are equally important. Some conversations are far more important than others.

I am a firm believer that the most important conversations a leader has on an ongoing basis is with members of their team. These may be monthly meetings or as needed when issues arise. These are not random conversations but revolve around some carefully considered thoughts that are customized for each direct report.

The purpose of these conversations is to ensure alignment, think together regarding strategy, ensure results, and encourage the personal growth of senior team members. All four of these topics are critical for senior team members to pay attention to and the one who can ensure that is their supervisor/leader. This is also the way that a leader develops alignment through regular interaction with their key staff.

In order for these conversations to be meaningful a leader must become an exegete of their direct reports. What are their strengths? Where do they need to grow? What critical skill sets are they missing? What areas of their performance need to be reevaluated? And then, most importantly, how can I open a conversation about one or more of these issues to help my team member grow and develop? And, how can I convey my desire to help the team member grow in the areas where growth is needed?

This underscores the necessity of actively cultivating relationships with those we supervise. Relationship builds trust which in turn allows a supervisor to raise issues without being met with significant pushback or defensiveness. Over time such conversations become part of the fabric of the relationship and the leadership culture a supervisor brings to their team. The more we invest in our reports, the better our team will be.

Core issues every leader needs to pay attention to

Almost all leaders struggle with some core issues related to their leadership. Maturing in our leadership role requires us to resolve these core issues and manage them – if we cannot fully deal with them.

The first is the need to be loved and accepted. This is a universal need of course, but leaders who need to be loved and accepted by those they lead set themselves up to fail. Good leadership is about calling others to something higher than themselves. That will mean creating discontent in the status quo which will inevitably mean that leaders will not always be popular or loved. In addition, a need to be loved by those we lead makes it difficult to push into areas of needed growth by our subordinates. Fear of being unpopular will keep me from pushing into difficult subjects and difficult issues.

Remember, there are many ways to fulfill our need for love and acceptance: God, spouse, family, friends, and even our dog. But for a leader, while being loved by those we lead is a perk it is not always going to happen. Counterintuitively, respect comes to a leader when they have been willing to call the organization to a higher purpose, often against the grain of the status quo.

A second and critical issue all leaders must deal with is to train our minds and emotions to not take issues personally. We need to see issues as separate from us and allow free discussion regarding those issues without taking it personally. In fact, the warning signal that we are taking it personally is that we become defensive – which means that we have made the issue about us and thus feel a need to defend our position. Once we have made the issue about us, if we don’t get our way, we lose and none of us like to lose.

What usually loses when we make issues personal is the mission we are going after. If we can learn that the mission is not about us and to depersonalize differences of ideas and strategies, we will be able to invite the best of people’s thinking and remain free from defensiveness. Any time we are feeling defensive we have allowed the issue to be about us rather than the mission.

And then there is the issue of pride: thinking that my views are the best and my answers better than those of others. The problem with pride is that it becomes a filter through which we see life and leadership and the filter is faulty. It keeps us from hearing the truth when others share it, fools us into thinking that we are right when we are not and prevents our own growth and development.

Wise leaders, therefore cultivate trusted relationships where they can get honest feedback, cultivate an open atmosphere on their team where all ideas can be put on the table and cultivate introspection to ensure that they are developing humility over pride.

All three of these core issues for leaders need to be paid attention to all the time. Being able to manage them brings freedom, growth and allows us to lead from a healthier place.

The civility of a people is reflected in their discourse

If the civility of a people is reflected in their discourse we are in deep trouble. When a lack of civility becomes a way of life in the most public way possible through social media it is clear that there is no sense of shame anymore. From personal attacks to the foulest of language our public discourse has degenerated significantly in recent years.

As a reader of history it should be noted that there have been other periods when public discourse left a great deal to be desired. Ulysses S. Grant, for instance was dogged most of his career by outright lies regarding a supposed drinking problem he had. There has been fake news around for a long time as well as the denigration of others (to someone else's benefit) as a means of making us feel well by comparison. 

That being said, the level of discourse among a people is an indicator of the health or lack of health within a society. For instance, the crude language that was used by Nazi Germany to describe their enemies is a good example - or the hate group rhetoric of white supremacists in our own nation. In the past election, the name calling from the front was embarrassing along with the twitter wars that are increasingly crude and malicious - going not to the ideas that others espouse but to the personhood of men and women made in God's Image. 

This last point is an important one. Free societies have fought for the right to debate ideas, strategy and philosophy. That is what elections are to be about. However, when we move from a debate regarding ideas to the willful destruction of the character and/or personhood of another we cross a line that cannot bring positive results.

Politically, it moves discussion from philosophy to often non provable accusations regarding character. Morally, it moves into sketchy territory as it assumes motives that we cannot know. Theologically, it is often a trashing of others made in the Image of God. There is simply no good outcome to a descent into uncivil discourse! Lack of civility breeds attitudes that all too often move from hateful words into hateful actions - both of which seem to be trends in our world today.

All of us should be aware of our own discourse and its consequences. Words cannot be taken back and sometimes, they are not necessary to be said at all. But if said, civility is always a better choice than lack of it.

Three things to be aware of in leadership transitions

There are three things every leader who resigns or retires needs to be aware of. It is true in the for profit, nonprofit, political and ministry world. I have experienced all three and watched it play out in politics, business and ministry every day.  It is well to be aware of these issues because they are not going to feel fair, and often are not but they are reality in a world that needs scapegoats.

First, no matter how well you led, in most cases, the one who takes your place will blame you for all that they can as they chart their new course. I was amused when one of my successors took some cheap shots about my leadership style after I left (to my face). Amused because he had served on my senior leadership team for some time and had never expressed his concerns to me until I was finished and then I was fair game. Equally amused, because when he is gone, his successor is probably going to do the same to him and some who have subsequently left have already done so! Unfortunately, this is the human condition and it will happen when you leave to some extent or another. We lead and serve for a time and when we are gone, others will criticize us to attain their own ends. Witness the transition in Washington DC when a new President comes to office!

Second, many things will change from how you did things to how the new leader will do things. This is natural but not always comfortable. If we have done our job well, the general philosophy of the organization will be embedded and remain stable but the details as to how these are are carried out will change. A highly empowering leader can be followed by a highly controlling leader (or vice versa) which can be a challenge for those who make the transition. The reality is that we served our time and carried out our leadership responsibilities in the best way we knew how. What happens next is not our responsibility and our former colleagues will make their own judgements relative to the new leadership philosophy.

Third, former leaders are just that – former leaders and need to move on to their next assignment. All of us learn lessons, good and bad as leaders. Wise leaders take the time to reflect on those lessons as they transition to a new role. The best thing we can do as former leaders is to focus on our new assignment, whatever that is and leave the old (for us) behind. We will answer for the stewardship of our leadership and others will answer for theirs. For those who operate out of a faith perspective this means that we leave the results of our leadership to God and move on, confident in God’s evaluation rather than in our own or the judgement of others. This last point is very important. We will often feel as if the evaluation of our successor is not fair. But we can rest assured that God's evaluation of our stewardship is totally fair. 

Transitions are not easy but the come to each of us who lead. How we dealt with our leadership assignment is important, and how we deal with our leadership transition is equally important.

Pesident Trump's leadership style could be his undoing.

I have watched with some bemusement the internal leadership dynamics of the Trump presidency and White House. Not his politics - the country voted for that. But his leadership style. In fact, I suspect that it is his personal leadership style that will prove to be the most serious challenge in his presidency. 

As a reader of biographies including many of world leaders, I am well aware that their personal quirks, often combined with very smart minds make them the leaders that they are or were. Those who know me know that I read everything I can on Winston Churchill and Franklin Roosevelt, whose leadership style combined with their personal idiosyncrasies made them the leaders that they were. Or, equally, Abraham Lincoln whose team of rivals made his presidency what it was through a tumultuous time in our history. That being said, I have some observations to make about the leadership style of President Trump that I believe could be his undoing. These issues go to the heart of great leadership.

One: The best leaders are crystal clear on their message. 

Clarity is one of the fundamental secrets of good leadership. Clarity means that one has thought through their position and will articulate that position with simplicity. When Roosevelt insisted that the only way that World War Two would end was with unconditional surrender of the Axis powers he clarified the endgame and made all other options of negotiated surrender superfluous.

When President Trump contradicts himself in his messaging he confuses the people around him, makes them look like chumps (especially when he has send them out to defend a prior position) and opens himself up for unnecessary attack. And frankly, it looks amateurish and foolish. Further, it undermines his credibility with other leaders in the world who wonder which Trump they should believe. Continually surprising your own staff will alienate them and eventually erode their trust in their leader.

Two. The best leaders ensure that there is a common narrative that is true, defensible and clear so that the team is on the same page. This is the responsibility of a leader and of his communications team. They need to talk, they need to agree on the message and not be in a position where one or the other is going to contradict their messaging. Clearly this has not been happening in the White House and Sean Spicer and staff have been left out to dry numerous times by the president they are trying hard to serve.

While Saturday Night Live has pilloried Sean Spicer nicely, at the core of Sean's challenge is a leader who loves to sow confusion at the expense of his staff. Sean became ineffective, I would argue, because of the individual he was working for and his dysfunctional leadership style. If I were Sean I would be bitter at how my leader had treated me.

Three. The best leaders support their staff in public and air their issues in private. Whatever one thinks of Jeff Sessions, he is currently being undermined directly and publically by the one who appointed him to his leadership role. Good leaders do not undermine their own staff! This week President Trump called Sessions a "beleaguered A G." Of course if he is beleaguered it is the President who has created the situation for Sessions. This is not only highly unprofessional but it is also disrespectful, counter productive and demonstrated that the "boss does not have the staff's back." 

I suspect that Sessions will choose to leave his role and I also predict that some others will choose to leave early because of their growing conviction that if this could happen to one of their team members it could just as easily happen to them. Of course, the President has also undermined others with whom he disagrees, which leads me to the next issue. 

Four, the best leaders respect differences of opinion and actively solicit alternate points of view. The reason that Lincoln's Team of Rivals worked as well as it did was that he wanted differing points of view, respected them and insisted that his team worked together. This was also true of FDR whose team members did not always like one another but who chose to work together through the issues of the depression and the war. 

This is not President Trump's modus operandi. Consider his ill advised early morning tweets. Almost all of them blast people or institutions that differ from his point of view including his own staff when he chooses (including other world leaders like the President of China, the leadership of Germany or the Mayor of London). While I believe there is huge bias in the news media against the president and all things conservative, I have come to the conclusion that "fake news" includes not only bias but anything that the President disagrees with. His issue with Sessions that has become so public is not with "fake news" but his unwillingness to allow Sessions to make a decision to recuse himself from the Russia inquiry. Ironically, Sessions is actively carrying out the President's policies even as the President undermines his authority and position.

Five. The best leaders take the blame in failure and give away the credit in success. One is hard pressed to find many evidences of this from President Trump. Failure, as a rule, is pinned on others, including members of his own staff and party while success seems to always come back to him. 

I suspect that many great leaders are narcissists and it appears that the President fits that description pretty well. Yet at the core of great leadership is a leader who has gathered a first rate team around him or her and it is because of the team (working synergistically together toward common objectives under good leadership) that the best things happen. That is why the best leaders give the majority of the credit for success to their team. And, since the "buck stops at the President's desk" he/she shields the team from responsibility for failure - at least in public. 

Does any of this matter? It actually does! Consider:

• The best staff will not agree to serve and may not stay when these leadership dysfunctions continue to exist. Sure there will always be people who want positions in the government but the best people may well stay away given what they see.
• These leadership dysfunctions are real downers for the staff that is working overtime to please their boss. It is demoralizing and it is leadership by fear and intimidation. In the long run it is not a healthy leadership paradigm.
• At some point trust between the leader and staff begins to erode when this leadership style is present. I have to suspect that other good leaders on the President's team are watching the issues with Jeff Sessions with great unease. 
• Senior staff do not need the chaos created by a boss who changes his story or contradicts what they have said in good faith. How, for instance, does Mr. Tillerson lead the State Department when President Trump tweets messages contradictory to what Mr. Tillerson has said or creates situations that Mr. Tillerson must clean up with other world leaders. 
• Thinking people around the world including many world leaders are watching Mr. Trump's leadership style with consternation. What should they believe? And why does it seem that he is more critical of his friends around the world than America's enemies (Russia?). 
• If senior staff come to the conclusion that the President does not listen to them they may well ask "Why then am I here?" And leave. 
• Most important of all, there are real issues that face our nation that are largely being ignored because of (I would argue) the leadership style of the President. Yes the media goes after Mr. Trump relentlessly but his style and some of the people around him feed the media beast with reason to be suspicious (unreported meetings, inaccurate or incomplete information). Whatever the organization, when there is dysfunctional leadership at the top the staff of the organization and most importantly the agenda of the organization is sabotaged. 

If your board needs help, I can help

The quality of the work of a board whether a church board or other non-profit directly influences the ability of leaders to lead and the mission to be accomplished. If you want to gauge the health of your board's work, take the test below. If all board members take it and discuss the results it will be a good conversation.

With over thirty years of working with boards I am available to help your board be the best they can be. Whether remotely using technology or in person, together we can make substantial strides toward healthier and more missional board work.

As the author of High Impact Church Boards I have worked with thousands of board members to ensure that the right people end up on an organizations board, that the board is intentional in its work and that the culture of the leadership system is empowering rather than controlling. Cost is kept to a minimum by using technology like Go To Meeting, or I can join you in person for governance training or retreats.

Here are the links to all of my blogs on church boards.


To assess the relative health of your board, take the test here.

Work harder or work smarter. Eight tips

Almost everyone I know works hard. Most, very hard. If we put as much attention into working smarter, however, we could accomplish more and free up time for other activities. After all, there is nothing more precious for most of us than time. And as we get older we realize that time with family and friends and our own development is a higher priority than spending more time in our work.

The premise of working smarter is based on a simple truth: Not all work yields the same result. The secret is knowing what practices will give us the largest return on our effort. Those individuals who are most productive practice these disciplines.

One: They prioritize and focus their energies. They take the time each day and each week to determine what are the most important tasks to complete and resist the temptation to be sidetracked by other issues that pop up and distract from the most important. They keep the main thing the main thing, stay focused and don't confuse mere activity with results.

Two: They keep track of their main priorities. They have a written or electronic system for tracking their priorities, their obligations and their progress. It is not "all in their head" which usually means we are not paying close attention to what we need to be doing. On any given day or week we ought to be able to quickly articulate what we are working on because we are keeping track of our priorities. Some will say, "But I like to multitask." Multitasking is overrated! Often it is an excuse for not staying focused and research shows that multitasking is actually a detriment to focused work.

Three. They delegate to others those things that they don't absolutely have to do. Many of us find it hard to delegate tasks we have traditionally done. Those who work smart are quick to delegate anything they don't need to personally do to capable people so that they can concentrate on what they do best. This is part of what it means to focus and to understand the unique role that we play and then make time for that role.

Four. They use their calendar to prioritize their work. If you look at the calendar of those who work smarter you see that they have put into their calendar those activities that are the most important to accomplish. They keep those commitments and use their calendar to prioritize their work. They realize that not all activities are equal. They also recognize that they must calendar their most important activities first, before other activities crowd them out.

Five. They understand the value of time
Time is the one thing that we cannot get back. Money comes and it goes but time just goes. It is a precious commodity because it represents opportunities to invest in what is most important to us. Therefor working smarter means that we use time wisely, focusing on what is most important at work so that we have time outside of work to invest in other meaningful activities and relationships. They don't waste time.

Six. They understand the value of relationships and nurture them
Healthy relationships are the foundation of life and work. Those who work smarter actively nurture relationships around them because relationships nurture trust, cooperation and teamwork.

Seven. They evaluate their work regularly
Working smarter means that we evaluate our own work critically and often. Are we focused on the right things? Are we neglecting key areas or are we spending too much time on peripheral activities because they are easier? Where do we need to recalibrate or adjust? Asking the right questions helps us to evaluate our work and adjust where necessary.

Eight. They take regular time to think
Taking time to think deeply about what we do, why we do it and how we do it is a secret of those who work smarter rather than harder. All it takes is  the intentionally to set aside time to think! Again, how we spend our time makes a difference in how we work.

Chase the Career of Your Dreams in 2017

Guest Writer, Gloria Martinez

The year is 2017 and the time is now. You've always wanted to have the courage to go for what you want in life, but someone has always held you back. That someone is you. If you find yourself watching in envy as others move forward into the life of their dreams then this is for you. Nothing is keeping you from being the woman that you’ve always wanted to be —you just need to shake things up! Stop watching your life pass by from the sidelines and actually get in the game! Use this guide as a compass to direct you to becoming the girl of your own dreams.

Get clear on what you want
If you’re going to make any life changes, especially career related ones, then you need to take the time to figure out where exactly you want to go. Is there a dream career that you’ve been wanting to chase but you were too scared to let your family down? Do you want to leave your corporate gig and open your very own bakery? If you are having trouble narrowing down what you want ask yourself this question: What’s something you love doing so much, that you’d do it for free? Whatever you answer is your truth —your passion. When you chase your passion, you are no longer chasing a paycheck. However when you do what you love, the money will come to you anyway. So get clear on what you really want and set the intention to go after it, no matter what.

Make no excuses
When you decide to go after your dream occupation, there is no time for “what ifs” and “I cant’s”. This is where things get real and boil down to how bad you really want it. There may need to be sacrifices made on your end —maybe you’ll have spend late nights working on your craft and have to lose out on sleep. Your social life may take a nosedive for a while. Whatever it takes to get it done, by all means just do it and make no qualms about it. Sacrifices are a part of the process and excuses only keep you further away from the finish line. The true reward comes when you get to wake up and be the person you’ve dreamed about becoming for so long.

Speak it into existence
The job you want to create and the life you want to live are already there. They’re just waiting on you to acknowledge them. Visualize what it will be like everyday when you get to do what you love. What emotions does it bring about? Stay with those emotions and let them guide you toward the reality you are creating. When you picture yourself as already attaining your goals you are setting yourself up for success because it springs you into action. That feeling will give you the drive and motivation you need to make that leap toward your life of fulfillment, even on days where you feel less than motivated. Keep the vision of how your life will be vivid and current in your mind, and watch as your reality unfolds to meet your thoughts.

The year is young and your future is bright. If you see what you want clearly in your head, then it is on you to take hellbent action to make your dreams a reality. Shift into the career that feeds your passion, and the rest of your days will never feel like work. If you believe in your heart that you already have everything you need then you’re halfway there!

Ms. Martinez believes that while women have made many advancements toward “shattering the glass ceiling,” there is still much to be done. It is her aim to help increase the number of women-led businesses by educating others about the topic. See her website at WomenLed.org

Seven indicators that our ego may be getting in the way of our leadership

An overly inflated ego is a challenge for leaders who are often in their positions because they have seen success. The success that positions one for leadership can also be our subtle undoing when we allow it to feed our ego, which has a voracious and unrelenting appetite. 

Most of us like to think we are not conceited, yet that is the most fantastic conceit of all. However, we can be aware of signs that our ego (and conceit) are getting in the way of our own emotional health and leadership. Awareness can help us manage the appetite of our egos.

Being defensive or angry when we are challenged.
Defensiveness is nothing more than our ego screaming, "Don't challenge me because I am right," even when we are not. It keeps us from hearing the truth and perspective from others, leaving us with only our limited perspective. This is why the best leaders train themselves to be open to differing perspectives and cultivate a non-defensive attitude.

Being reluctant to delegate

An unwillingness to delegate is often our ego speaking: "No one can do this as well as I can." In most things, others can do things better than we can, but who wants to admit that! Healthy leaders do. In fact, they encourage others to find better ways of doing things to build better organizations. We may not realize it, but an unwillingness to delegate can indicate an unhealthy ego.

We need to always get our own way.
Why would we need to always get our own way if not because our own self-worth or conviction that we are always right reveals an overinflated and unhealthy ego? Healthy leaders desire to do the best thing to reach the desired outcome, which has nothing to do with whether it is their way or not. Unhealthy egos demand their way regardless of whether other ways might be better.

Being jealous of the success of others
Whenever we become jealous of the success of another, we should sit up and take note that we have an ego problem. Jealousy over the success of another is a sign that we believe their success somehow diminishes us! Only unhealthy and hungry egos react this way. These egos will resist hiring anyone who might outshine them in some area, and is a dangerous trait.

Taking credit for success and deflecting blame for failure.
This happens in ministry, business, politics, and everywhere there are people. We love to overinflate our abilities and underinflate our weaknesses. Accolades feed our hungry egos, and those same hungry egos don't want to admit failure, so they deflect it to others. Healthy egos share success with the team and are willing to take responsibility for failure. Healthy egos never need to be fed at the expense of others in success or failure.

A critical spirit
Critical spirits can come from a need to build ourselves up by putting others down or an attitude of superiority - both of which are connected to unhealthy egos. If we become critical, we must ask ourselves why we see a need to diminish rather than encourage others. An attitude of criticism is rarely a sign of a healthy leader, and it usually has to do more with them than with those they are critical of.

Slowing down on learning and developing
How is this related to ego? It is an assumption that we no longer need to learn new things or put it another way; we already know all that we need to know. That is a lie of our ego. The need to invest more time in learning is critical because our world is changing at an increasing rate. Humble individuals invest in learning, while proud people feel they don't need to.

Five difficult transitions leaders must make as their organization grows

Organizational growth is not without its challenges, particularly for a founding leader whose role needs to change if he/she is going to transition their organization from the entrepreneurial phase of leadership to a more mature and stable organizational environment. In fact, it is the ability and flexibility of the leader who determines whether this transition is successful or not. Below are five transitions that a leader must make but which are often difficult for them.

One: Moving from solo leadership to shared leadership.

Founders are in charge! But, as the organization grows, there must be a move to a shared leadership platform or a team at the top where the key senior leaders chart a course together. This does not mean that the senior leader does not keep some decision-making prerogatives, but it does mean that they begin to share key decisions with the key leaders whom they need to be on the same page. This is highly advantageous to the senior leader as several sharp minds are better than only one.  But it can be difficult for the senior leader who is simply used to getting their own way.

Two: Delegating responsibility and authority.

No one's span of control is indefinite, and part of leading a growing organization is the ability to delegate key responsibility and authority to trusted leaders. Delegating responsibility is usually not an issue, but being willing to delegate true authority often is. After all, the founder is the one who is used to keeping authority close to their vest, overruling others as they see fit, and making decisions on the fly when necessary. But you cannot delegate responsibility without authority in a healthy organization, and what comes with the territory when one does is that your subordinate may choose to get the job done in a different way than you would. After all, they are not you. Being willing to delegate both authority and responsibility can be a scary but necessary step a founder needs to take.

Three: Flying at a higher altitude

Since founders are used to doing many things themselves, they are comfortable being in the minutia of details as well as thinking through the larger picture. This works when an organization is small. It does not work as the organization becomes larger. Now, there are others who are responsible for many of those details, and a leader needs to get out of the way and allow others to do what they were hired to do. They, in turn, need to fly at a higher altitude and focus on those issues that they are best suited as the senior leader to focus on. 

Diving from ten thousand feet to intervene at 5,000 feet does not work in the long run as staff start to feel that they are not trusted and that their work is devalued or interfered with. But it can be very hard for founders to stay out of the way of others as they are used to being able to pop into any situation they choose to. As long as they do, however, the organization will not flourish.

Four: Meeting regularly with a senior team to drive the agenda of the organization.

In small, founder-led organizations, the founder often runs things by the seat of their pants with little organizational rhythm. After all, the goal is simply to survive and not become one of the statistics of the many who don't. As the organization grows, however, there needs to be a shift to a more mature leadership environment, and as other leaders are added, this includes a senior team that meets regularly and where the direction of the organization is determined. 

These meetings are not simply forums for the leader to tell others what they need to do (remember, there is now shared leadership). Nor is it simply a forum for each member to update the others on what they are doing (remember the words shared leadership). Rather, it is a place for the team to grapple together on short and long-term issues that will help the organization grow and be successful. Because founders are not used to these kinds of meetings, they can view them as an afterthought when, in fact, meeting regularly and having the right things on the agenda is crucial for success.

Five: Realizing that ego is the enemy

There is a book by that name, and it is well worth the read! It is easy for founders to believe that they have all wisdom - after all, it is they who got the organization to where it is today. If they believe that they are all wise, have the best ideas and wisdom, or must have the final word on all matters, they lack the personal humility to lead well, and it is likely that other good people will not stay with them. 

Ego is often the nemesis of founders. In fact, one of the functions of a senior team is to keep a leader from making foolish decisions! Humility gives a leader the ability to listen, take advice, hear things they don't want to hear, delegate authority, and keep themselves from messing it all up. The active practice of humility and recognizing the dangers of ego is perhaps the most crucial thing a leader must pay attention to - especially founders.

Growing an organization is exciting work if we are able to recognize the transitions that we must make in order for it to be successful.

Dealing with the parts of our lives and jobs that we put off because we hate doing it

For all of us, there are pieces of our lives that we don't enjoy doing. It can be in our personal lives or in our jobs. These are the things that we put off, procrastinate on, and allow to pile up, and the longer we ignore them, the more daunting it looks. Often, when we do tackle what we don't like to do, we are grossly inefficient at it. After all, we are not motivated to get it done. For those who are normally disciplined, it creates dissonance knowing that the pile of stuff accumulating in a corner of the office is unattended to.

Even when we are in our perfect job, there is a percentage of our time (20 to 40%) that requires us to attend to things that drain rather than fill us. For me, it is taking care of small details. At periods of my life, I have had administrative assistants who loved the details (a great blessing to me). At other times, I have had to do them myself. I just don't enjoy doing them, so it is easy to put them off. For some, it is phone calls; for others meetings where there might be conflict. Whatever it is, it is important to deal with it.

The key to this dilemma is to develop habits (actions done enough times so they become habitual) that help us overcome our aversion and allow us to stay on top of important details. I have several suggestions.

First, schedule regular time weekly, in a block, to deal with those things that you really don't want to do. One can get a lot done in a two to three-hour block of time. The key to this is to focus completely during that time so that one gets as much done as possible. When finished, you have the satisfaction of knowing that a great deal has been accomplished.

Second, schedule a short period of time each day for the things that need to be done immediately but which you would otherwise be tempted to put off.

Both of these should be in one's calendar, and the more often we practice it, the stronger the habit will become and the less aversion we will also have. In addition, the dissonance of undone work is no longer an issue, and our tendency to procrastinate will be lessened. It is, after all, now a habit in our weekly and daily work.

Of course, we can always put this off....

Three meaningful gifts every leader can give away to their staff

Leaders come bearing gifts to their staff. They set the culture of the organization in positive and sometimes negative ways. The best leaders create a culture of clarity, development and optimism that we can accomplish our mission. All three of these are positive gifts to the staff they lead.

The gift of clarity is helping everyone be crystal clear as to what we are about and what our focus needs to be. The more sharply we can articulate our direction and focus, the more our staff can in turn focus their work! Focused clarity within organizations is not as common as one might think because it requires an enormous effort  by leadership to clarify their mission and an equally enormous effort to keep the organization focused on that mission. However, that clarity is a great gift to staff as they know what the goal is and where their energies need to be focused.

The gift of staff development is an indication of whether leaders are generous in seeking to help staff grow and develop or selfish in simply using staff for their own purposes. Think about the various work roles you have had over the years and ask the question, "did I leave that role with greater skill and success because someone intentionally developed me or was I simply left to my own devices?" Leaders have a stewardship responsibility to help staff grow, flourish and to give them opportunity to use their gifts fully. This is a truly significant gift and staff never forget the gift.

The gift of optimism is an attitude that together we can get our job done and accomplish our mission. A leader's optimism with their staff is critical in today's uncertain and competitive marketplaces. Optimism creates momentum while pessimism creates discouragement. Optimism married to a culture of teamwork and cooperation allows organizations to see results that no one could accomplish on their own. Regardless of whether a leader feels optimistic on any certain day, they give a gift to their staff when they choose to convey a positive attitude.

Every leader can give these three gifts to their staff - if they value their staff enough to do it.

In serving our customers it is often the little things that count the most

Serving our customers is a goal that every organization would say they have. And many organizations do it very well. But we often don't realize how the small things we do or don't do directly impact customer service. In fact, some of those small things don't even seem to relate to customer service - but they do!

Let me give an example. In working with an organization that does excellent work there is a common complaint. Email's between colleagues often do not get returned in a timely manner. Some not ever. But that is an internal matter, right? Not really! What seems to be a strictly internal matter which we often think does not matter has a direct bearing on the customer because how we operate and communicate internally either allows us to serve our customer well or not.

In the case referred to above there is a customer service department that deals directly with those served to solve problems and ensure an outstanding customer experience. This often means communicating with others within the organization. When there is no response or delayed responses they end up operating in the dark as to whether issues have been addressed or not. In addition, in the absence of information it is not possible for those responsible for the customer experience to ensure that breakdowns in that experience get addressed. So what is seen by some as unimportant (answering an email in a timely fashion) is actually very important in fulfilling the mission of the organization.

In most cases, it is the small things rather than the big things that allow us to serve our customers well. What seems insignificant to us may in the end be most significant in delivering on our promises to the customer.

The absurd story of Christmas

No story is better known. No story better captures the heart of a child - small or grown - than the one we celebrate today. No matter how many times we hear the story it never grows old, it never disappoints, never ceases to evoke deep emotions of wonder, awe and comfort. An angel’s proclamation to illiterate shepherds, a teenage unwed mother, a loyal carpenter fiancee, the evil king Herod, a cold, clear, Bethlehem night without a place to stay. A messy birth in an animal’s stall, alongside a dirty alley in the dark of night. Confused cows watching unknowing as the Son of the universe stares back unknowing at the very animals He had created eons before. A mother, a child, a carpenter, a few agitated animals and the pungent smell of manure.

This is a story so absurd that it could only have been scripted by a Divine hand. No other writer would have attempted such a script. If they had they would not have claimed it to be true: fiction maybe, but not reality. This is not how the One whose voice had echoed off of a billion galaxies would make His entrance. Without CNN and Fox News, into a hovel known affectionately today as Bethlehem but then nothing more than a tiny village on the path to Jerusalem. 

His entrance was marked not by a proclamation to kings but to astonished herdsmen sleeping with sheep. The heavens opened with ten thousand voices – not over Jerusalem the ancient capital – but over a tiny grazing field for a handful of insignificant shepherds. They would be the only witnesses of the grand entrance of a King. No other writer would have written such a script. 

No other author would have taken such a chance. For behind this story there are echoes of another story - equally incredulous. Centuries before in the vastness of eternity past – when infinity kissed infinity, The Master of Infinity spoke into being the universe in which we live - 3,000 of whose stars are visible to the careful eye, 30 billion visible from a large telescope, - the other 90% of the universe still hidden from our eyes. Its splendor an eternal testimony to the Author of the story.

Immortal, invisible, God only wise,
In light inaccessible hid from our eyes,
Most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,
Almighty, victorious, Thy great name we praise.

Great Father of glory, pure Father of light,
Thine angels adore thee, all veiling their sight;
All praise we would render: O help us to see
Tis only the splendor of light hideth Thee.
(Walter Chalmers Smith)

The Author’s heart had love that could not be contained. A heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longed to give away infinite love. Again the Author spoke: A planet was expertly crafted. One among billions. A people wonderfully created – in the image of the Author. Free to love, free to experience the infinite goodness of the Author. Free to revel in His infinite Love. But above all free. Love cannot be forced and remain love.

We are not the sole owners of broken hearts. No heart suffered such sorrow as Infinite Love rejected. Image bearers rejected the Image Maker. The story’s characters fired the Author to write their own script. Unmatched, searing pain pierced the Author’s heart as the loved jilted the Lover. 

Chaos infiltrated beauty. A planet was hijacked and spun out of control. Poverty of spirit supplanted endless joy. Unfulfilled hearts realized the pain of lost love. Without the Author, individual story lines faltered – and failed. Sadness reigned. Darkness descended in seeming endless gloom.

Truth can be stranger than fiction. For in the pained heavens the grieving Author plotted love’s revenge. An awesome revenge that only Divinity could contrive – that only Divinity would contrive. Having lost His loved, the Lover would send His most loved to reclaim His heart’s desire. The rejected Creator would kiss the unfaithful created. Tender mercy in place of deserved destruction. An astonished heaven broke into unbelieving applause. Image bearers would be reclaimed by the Image Maker. Light would once again prevail over darkness. Brokenness would be made whole. Peace would triumph over chaos.

All was silent in the heavens on the chosen night. Angels held their corporate breath. For nine months the Son had been absent, resident in a young girls womb, coming to us not as a king but incognito, just one of thousands of children that would be born on a lonely planet that night – into the darkness that our word had become. Placenta covered the Son of the universe arriving to claim back His beloved: this time, one by one, heart by heart. Tender mercy arriving in disguise: one of us, one like us. On that night, the Author personally entered our story. 

Such humility our world has never known. A stunning reversal for a world gone astray. A Heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longing to give away infinite love, arriving under cover of night in order to “shine on those living in darkness…to guide our feet into the path of peace.” (Luke 1:27).

When an author writes, each character is unique; each has his or her own story-line. We, each have a story – unique, unrepeated, singular. Each story has its own joy, its own pain, its own pathos and unmatched quality. But each shares one singular, astonishing feature. We are made in the Author’s image, and He will not rest until we have invited Him to join in our story. 

More astonishing than the script He has authored, the story we celebrate today is that He also wants to enter into your story. This is the most ancient of stories but it is also the most contemporary of stories. The Christmas story is but one chapter in the Author’s divine script. The Author is still writing. And every person who invites Him into their story becomes a separate and unique chapter in His unfinished book. And into each story He brings His light and peace. 

“For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.” (John 3:16-17.)

Have you invited Him into your story?