Humans have an unlimited capacity to deceive themselves about themselves and others. Often that self deception is our personal spin control not only to make ourselves look better to others but even to ourselves. It can be conscious or unconscious.
Robert Trivers writes this in his new book, The Folly of Fools: The Logic of Deceit and Self-Deception in Human life. "We deny the truth to ourselves. We project onto others traits that are in fact true of ourselves - and then attack them. We repress painful memories, create completely false ones, rationalize immoral behavior, act repeatedly to boost positive self-opinion, and show a suite of ego-defensive mechanisms (p. 2)."
In other words, we have an amazing capacity to subvert truth to fit our preferred version of reality. It is directly tied to the sinful human condition and reflective of the truth Paul made in Romans 3:10ff where he says "There is no one righteous, not even one;" and goes on to describe the fallen human condition.
Consider instances where you are trying to get to the bottom of a conflict. Explanations of individuals on both sides make logical sense at first blush. Both sides blame the other and exonerate themselves. Of course, both cannot be true and upon further examination it becomes clear that both parties have constructed a view of reality - and of the other party - that makes them look innocent and the other look guilty. Clearly there is spin, reconstruction of reality and self deception going on. All of us are capable and all of us deceive ourselves in some areas of our lives.
We have all met people who were self deceived and particularly in conflict situations I have a healthy skepticism of what I hear until I have heard all sides. It is easy to listen to one party whose explanation makes all the sense in the world and come to conclusions that are erroneous because of their ability to spin their version of truth. In conflict situations, always keep an open mind until you have heard from all sides.
There are also people who literally live in an "alternative universe" and have such a skewed version of reality that they are disconnected from seeing how their own actions, attitudes and conclusions hurt other people. They may divide people into camps, those who are for them and those who are against them and fully believe that they are right in spite of any rational attempts to convince or show them otherwise.
This is pathological in nature but it is also an extreme version of self deception. Attempts to help them see an alternative reality are often fruitless because their personal defense mechanisms of self-deception are so strong. Often it is hiding deep insecurities and the self-deception is a way of coping with and covering those insecurities or unresolved issues. Unfortunately, that self-deception is projected onto others who are often hurt in the equation.
The most important questions we can ask, however, is about where we deceive ourselves. Where do we construct personal rationalisms for behaviors, habits or sin in order to allow us to continue those unhealthy practices and still feel good about ourselves? Where do we stretch the truth, accomplishments, or righteousness in order to try to look better to other people?
Why is this important? First, because truth matters and the more truth we understand about ourselves the healthier we are. Second, because self-deception unchecked leads to a life of untruth or lies which can become second nature if we allow it. Third, because our own self-deception is harmful to us and often harmful to others.
God is a God of truth and we are easily deceived. It is why David prayed, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24). It is God who helps us understand the inclinations and deceptions of our own hearts as we develop the discipline of introspection and evaluation on our part.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
The otherness of God
God is our Father, abba. He is our friend. He is the One who is with us at all times (Emmanuel). He is our comforter, our counselor, and provider. He is personal as we learned in Jesus, approachable, and our help in times of trouble. Nothing can separate us from His presence and love. No situation is beyond His ability to intervene.
God's character is amazingly complex and beyond our ability to even start to comprehend. And one of the most challenging aspects of who He is is His holiness, His absolute otherness, His incomprehensible righteousness and goodness. So holy and righteous that Moses could not gaze on His face and after Moses spent time with God, his face glowed!
We rightly focus on the personal nature of our relationship with God as He made Himself approachable and understandable in Jesus. But we would do well to reflect regularly on His Holiness, greatness and otherness because it puts in perspective our own desperate need for Him and the greatness of our God compared to us.
The book of Job is instructive. Job and his friends wax eloquent on God, his character and purposes - some of it true, some of it badly flawed - sure that they understood Him and could speak on His behalf. But all of that "wisdom" is put into its proper perspective when God chooses to speak. His first words put in perspective the difference between God and man: "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words of knowledge?" (Job 38:1-2) and proceeds to ask a series of questions that leave Job mute until the Lord is finished. All Job can say in return is "I know that you can do all things; no plans of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge? Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things to wonderful for me to know' (Job 42:2-3)."
What Job is humbly and abjectly acknowledging is that he knows so little compared to God. Our understanding and wisdom is so massively finite while His is so majestically infinite! As someone has rightly said, "There is a God and He is not us!"
The chapter I often visit to remind me of God's greatness is Isaiah 40. "To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal? says the Holy One. Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing (Isaiah 40:25-26)."
Why does the greatness of God matter? The better I understand His greatness and holiness the more profound my humble worship. The more I understand His sovereignty over the affairs of history the more I can trust Him in my journey. The greater my understanding of Him, the more I understand the smallness of me. The greater I understand the smallness of me, the more I understand my need for Him. The more I comprehend his holiness the more I understand my sinfulness and the amazing grace He has given me.
Understanding God's greatness changes everything! And that is when the fact that He has made us family becomes so amazingly profound.
The book of Job is instructive. Job and his friends wax eloquent on God, his character and purposes - some of it true, some of it badly flawed - sure that they understood Him and could speak on His behalf. But all of that "wisdom" is put into its proper perspective when God chooses to speak. His first words put in perspective the difference between God and man: "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words of knowledge?" (Job 38:1-2) and proceeds to ask a series of questions that leave Job mute until the Lord is finished. All Job can say in return is "I know that you can do all things; no plans of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge? Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things to wonderful for me to know' (Job 42:2-3)."
What Job is humbly and abjectly acknowledging is that he knows so little compared to God. Our understanding and wisdom is so massively finite while His is so majestically infinite! As someone has rightly said, "There is a God and He is not us!"
The chapter I often visit to remind me of God's greatness is Isaiah 40. "To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal? says the Holy One. Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing (Isaiah 40:25-26)."
Why does the greatness of God matter? The better I understand His greatness and holiness the more profound my humble worship. The more I understand His sovereignty over the affairs of history the more I can trust Him in my journey. The greater my understanding of Him, the more I understand the smallness of me. The greater I understand the smallness of me, the more I understand my need for Him. The more I comprehend his holiness the more I understand my sinfulness and the amazing grace He has given me.
Understanding God's greatness changes everything! And that is when the fact that He has made us family becomes so amazingly profound.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Missions and child protection
The Pen State scandal and the recent issues faced by New Tribes Mission remind us of the critical importance of ensuring that ministries do everything they can to protect the minor children under their care. Many churches in the United States have a way of vetting those who work with children but mission organizations may not always be aware of their liability with short term teams coming out, or with their own staff.
For example, orphanages or kids ministries in the majority world can be targets of opportunity for pedophiles as they know that there may be less scrutiny than in the west. In addition, in any given year, tens of thousands of kids and adults from churches in the US go abroad to work with children internationally. The question is whether mission agencies take appropriate measures with those who will have contact with children on those trips.
Suggestions:
One, require a background check such as a local church would do for those who will be working overseas with minors - either missionary kids or local children.
Two, before the event, train the adults and children involved in the procedures you have in place to prevent any abuse or opportunities for abuse. Most local churches have such procedures in place that you can borrow from. A best practice would be a mission wide procedure for training those working with minors.
Three, have a zero tolerance policy for mission staff or those working as volunteers. If an incident occurs, report it immediately to both the immediate supervisor and a senior leader. The reason you report it to both a senior leader and the immediate supervisor is to ensure that it is not covered up. If it involves a short term team member, that member should immediately be flown home. If an allegation is made against someone on staff, they must immediately be removed from all contact with minors and if proven they should be removed from the mission. Pedophiles are highly likely to re-offend and no ministry can take that chance. In addition, ensure that the intake process for full time missionaries includes testing for personality disorders and pathology. Tests like the MMPI can save you a lot of pain by keeping the wrong people from going to the field in the first place.
Four, never cover up an offence of pedophilia. The greatest tragedy of the New Tribes episode is that they chose to protect offenders, even leaving them in place or transferring them to other schools. Even those they called home were not held accountable. This allowed, like it appears at Penn State, for the abuse to continue. Protecting the abuser virtually guarantees further victims.
Five, take responsibility for helping a victim get help. The victim is not the individual who offended but the individual they violated. It is amazing to me that in both ministry and places like Penn State there was a greater protection of the violator than the victim. This is a huge violation of trust - as New Tribes discovered and Penn State will discover. Hold the accuser responsible, don't cover up and do all you can to get the victim help.
Minor children must be protected in every way we can from those who would abuse them and cause them a lifetime of emotional trauma. Does your mission have safeguards in place?
For example, orphanages or kids ministries in the majority world can be targets of opportunity for pedophiles as they know that there may be less scrutiny than in the west. In addition, in any given year, tens of thousands of kids and adults from churches in the US go abroad to work with children internationally. The question is whether mission agencies take appropriate measures with those who will have contact with children on those trips.
Suggestions:
One, require a background check such as a local church would do for those who will be working overseas with minors - either missionary kids or local children.
Two, before the event, train the adults and children involved in the procedures you have in place to prevent any abuse or opportunities for abuse. Most local churches have such procedures in place that you can borrow from. A best practice would be a mission wide procedure for training those working with minors.
Three, have a zero tolerance policy for mission staff or those working as volunteers. If an incident occurs, report it immediately to both the immediate supervisor and a senior leader. The reason you report it to both a senior leader and the immediate supervisor is to ensure that it is not covered up. If it involves a short term team member, that member should immediately be flown home. If an allegation is made against someone on staff, they must immediately be removed from all contact with minors and if proven they should be removed from the mission. Pedophiles are highly likely to re-offend and no ministry can take that chance. In addition, ensure that the intake process for full time missionaries includes testing for personality disorders and pathology. Tests like the MMPI can save you a lot of pain by keeping the wrong people from going to the field in the first place.
Four, never cover up an offence of pedophilia. The greatest tragedy of the New Tribes episode is that they chose to protect offenders, even leaving them in place or transferring them to other schools. Even those they called home were not held accountable. This allowed, like it appears at Penn State, for the abuse to continue. Protecting the abuser virtually guarantees further victims.
Five, take responsibility for helping a victim get help. The victim is not the individual who offended but the individual they violated. It is amazing to me that in both ministry and places like Penn State there was a greater protection of the violator than the victim. This is a huge violation of trust - as New Tribes discovered and Penn State will discover. Hold the accuser responsible, don't cover up and do all you can to get the victim help.
Minor children must be protected in every way we can from those who would abuse them and cause them a lifetime of emotional trauma. Does your mission have safeguards in place?
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Who is rich?
There is a lot of discussion among politicians about the rich today. Of course no one seems to know how to define who is rich and who is not. Usually those who have more than us are rich and we are not. And there is always someone who has more. As I suggested in yesterday's blog, in a consumer society we start to believe the messages we are constantly bombarded with that wealth is the secret to satisfaction and happiness. I actually agree that wealth is a secret to happiness - it is all in the definition of wealth.
As an aside, 91% of our world lives on $10,000 a year or less and 54% of our world lives on $3.00 a day or less. So that puts wealth in perspective for most of us. By that definition I am wealthy - and so are most of my readers.
Financial wealth is nice but it won't bring happiness. Dollars are not the true definition of wealth. If it were true, only wealthy individuals would be happy and the more they have the happier they would be. We all know that is not the case. For many there is an inverse correlation between financial wealth and happiness precisely because the expectations that financial wealth can deliver satisfaction is an empty promise.
Want to get truly wealthy? I do! The Apostle Paul actually tells us how. He tells us "to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to generous and willing to share (1 Timothy 6:18)." In other words, give yourselves away, give your time and energy away and generously share what He has given us with others.
The result? "In this way (we) lay up treasure for (ourselves) as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that (we) may take hold of the life that is truly life (1 Timothy 6:19)." Here is the irony, in giving ourselves away and in being generous we not only put deposits into our future life in heaven but we "take hold of life that is truly life" in this life.
Both Solomon and Paul tell us that God "richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment (1 Timothy 6:17)." But enjoying what God has given does not take place when we hold on to it but when we are generous with it. And generosity can happen if we make $10,000 a year or ten million a year. It is not how much we have but it is what we do with what we have.
In politics today it is popular to tell the millionaires and billionaires that they should be more generous. In the Kingdom, God asks all of us to be generous. And ironically, the more generous we are the more we actually enjoy the provision God gives us. Good deeds, generosity and a willingness to share is life giving to us, while holding on to it is life taking and draining. It also stores us treasures in heaven where we will spend eternity rather than 80 plus years. Which bank account makes more sense?
As an aside, 91% of our world lives on $10,000 a year or less and 54% of our world lives on $3.00 a day or less. So that puts wealth in perspective for most of us. By that definition I am wealthy - and so are most of my readers.
Financial wealth is nice but it won't bring happiness. Dollars are not the true definition of wealth. If it were true, only wealthy individuals would be happy and the more they have the happier they would be. We all know that is not the case. For many there is an inverse correlation between financial wealth and happiness precisely because the expectations that financial wealth can deliver satisfaction is an empty promise.
Want to get truly wealthy? I do! The Apostle Paul actually tells us how. He tells us "to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to generous and willing to share (1 Timothy 6:18)." In other words, give yourselves away, give your time and energy away and generously share what He has given us with others.
The result? "In this way (we) lay up treasure for (ourselves) as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that (we) may take hold of the life that is truly life (1 Timothy 6:19)." Here is the irony, in giving ourselves away and in being generous we not only put deposits into our future life in heaven but we "take hold of life that is truly life" in this life.
Both Solomon and Paul tell us that God "richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment (1 Timothy 6:17)." But enjoying what God has given does not take place when we hold on to it but when we are generous with it. And generosity can happen if we make $10,000 a year or ten million a year. It is not how much we have but it is what we do with what we have.
In politics today it is popular to tell the millionaires and billionaires that they should be more generous. In the Kingdom, God asks all of us to be generous. And ironically, the more generous we are the more we actually enjoy the provision God gives us. Good deeds, generosity and a willingness to share is life giving to us, while holding on to it is life taking and draining. It also stores us treasures in heaven where we will spend eternity rather than 80 plus years. Which bank account makes more sense?
A singular question
We live in an economic system that thrives by convincing us that we do not have enough, need better, need more, need new. With Thanksgiving upcoming we enter into the most intense (insane?) season where all the forces are designed to convince us that the glitter of those gifts will make us happier, more fulfilled and somehow more productive and effective (aah, my technology).
Here is the question! Am I content with what God has given to me today? Are you content with what God has given you today? Or, do we believe that his provision today is inadequate? In which case, we are suggesting that God does not give us our "daily bread."
Contrast our inner struggles (most of us have them) about whether we have enough with Paul's attitude. "For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:11-13)."
What was Paul's secret? Why could he be content in whatever situation he found himself in? Is it possible for you and I in a day when more and better screams at us everywhere we go. Where someone else always has more than us?
I think the secret is found earlier in this passage where Paul says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7)."
Paul's secret is not that he has all he may want. His secret is that he can present his requests to God who can and will meet his needs. And in sharing those needs with God, he could live with a peace that transcends anything our world could ever understand about contentedness and satisfaction because it is divinely given. Paul had needs as we have needs. He probably had desires as we have desires. But his attitude of thanksgiving for what God had given and the ability to share his needs with God gave him a peace that transcends all understanding. Thus his contentedness - in whatever circumstance he found himself.
There is no better time to grow our thanksgiving and peace and contentedness than in the Christmas season. Are you and I content today? It is a great gift to live with divine contentedness.
Here is the question! Am I content with what God has given to me today? Are you content with what God has given you today? Or, do we believe that his provision today is inadequate? In which case, we are suggesting that God does not give us our "daily bread."
Contrast our inner struggles (most of us have them) about whether we have enough with Paul's attitude. "For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:11-13)."
What was Paul's secret? Why could he be content in whatever situation he found himself in? Is it possible for you and I in a day when more and better screams at us everywhere we go. Where someone else always has more than us?
I think the secret is found earlier in this passage where Paul says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7)."
Paul's secret is not that he has all he may want. His secret is that he can present his requests to God who can and will meet his needs. And in sharing those needs with God, he could live with a peace that transcends anything our world could ever understand about contentedness and satisfaction because it is divinely given. Paul had needs as we have needs. He probably had desires as we have desires. But his attitude of thanksgiving for what God had given and the ability to share his needs with God gave him a peace that transcends all understanding. Thus his contentedness - in whatever circumstance he found himself.
There is no better time to grow our thanksgiving and peace and contentedness than in the Christmas season. Are you and I content today? It is a great gift to live with divine contentedness.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Living well and dying well
This morning I received news that a good friend of mine and a ministry leader in Chicago had passed into the arms of Jesus on Saturday night. His had been a hard battle with colon cancer over the past several years and he died in the loving arms of his wife, his hand being held by his daughter.
Glen lived well! He had given his life to the urban poor and racial reconciliation for decades, being on the forefront of that hard work before the church in the United States was engaged. He and his family walked the walk as they lived in the neighborhood in which they worked. As a white leader, he teamed with an African American leader to forge a new way of thinking about what it meant for whites and blacks to work and worship together for Jesus in the days after the race riots in Chicago, a ministry that continues to this day. In every way, Glen lived well.
It was not an easy walk, including the death of his adopted son in recent years and numerous challenges that come when one is pressing into Satan's territory. Through it all, Glen displayed a kind demeanor, a deep sense of calling and a tenacity that touched all around him. Glen had a theology of life and ministry which He lived out so very well. Glen never became angry with God even when treatments made life incredibly difficult and his energies depleted. He continued to do what he could and spent time with family and friends even welcoming them when he was at home in hospice.
But Glen also had an understanding of death. He fought his diagnosis with all that he had for the sake of his family and ministry but determined that if this was his time that he would die well - and he did. He understood that life is not all there is, and that in fact, the best was yet to come and once he went on hospice he turned his eyes toward his next chapter and died in peace and dignity.
I spoke to a group of Parish Nurses on Saturday who often minister to those who are dying and they reflected on the difference between the deaths of believers as against non-believers. How peaceful and even holy the moment is when believers take the step into eternal life compared to non-believers.
Having been on the brink of death on several occasions I know a bit of the inner struggle - but I am determined to live well and to also die well. We live by faith and we die by faith. We neither overestimate the value of this life or underestimate the value of life with Jesus. For those of us in the second half it is something to think about. I look at many who have gone before me and am determined that I too want to die well when the time comes, full of gratitude for the life God has given, full of faith in a loving Father and full of anticipation of finally looking into the eyes of the one who made my life what it was - Jesus.
Let's leave a faithful legacy in life, and in how we face death, as all of us do and where the ultimate test of our faith is tested.
Glen lived well! He had given his life to the urban poor and racial reconciliation for decades, being on the forefront of that hard work before the church in the United States was engaged. He and his family walked the walk as they lived in the neighborhood in which they worked. As a white leader, he teamed with an African American leader to forge a new way of thinking about what it meant for whites and blacks to work and worship together for Jesus in the days after the race riots in Chicago, a ministry that continues to this day. In every way, Glen lived well.
It was not an easy walk, including the death of his adopted son in recent years and numerous challenges that come when one is pressing into Satan's territory. Through it all, Glen displayed a kind demeanor, a deep sense of calling and a tenacity that touched all around him. Glen had a theology of life and ministry which He lived out so very well. Glen never became angry with God even when treatments made life incredibly difficult and his energies depleted. He continued to do what he could and spent time with family and friends even welcoming them when he was at home in hospice.
But Glen also had an understanding of death. He fought his diagnosis with all that he had for the sake of his family and ministry but determined that if this was his time that he would die well - and he did. He understood that life is not all there is, and that in fact, the best was yet to come and once he went on hospice he turned his eyes toward his next chapter and died in peace and dignity.
I spoke to a group of Parish Nurses on Saturday who often minister to those who are dying and they reflected on the difference between the deaths of believers as against non-believers. How peaceful and even holy the moment is when believers take the step into eternal life compared to non-believers.
Having been on the brink of death on several occasions I know a bit of the inner struggle - but I am determined to live well and to also die well. We live by faith and we die by faith. We neither overestimate the value of this life or underestimate the value of life with Jesus. For those of us in the second half it is something to think about. I look at many who have gone before me and am determined that I too want to die well when the time comes, full of gratitude for the life God has given, full of faith in a loving Father and full of anticipation of finally looking into the eyes of the one who made my life what it was - Jesus.
Let's leave a faithful legacy in life, and in how we face death, as all of us do and where the ultimate test of our faith is tested.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Driven leaders and their staff
One of the chief distinguishing marks of Jesus was his care, love, concern and compassion for people. His ministry was all about people. He always made time for the hurting and troubled and disenfranchised. He came to this planet to seek and to save....people.
It is possible for leaders to become so driven by their mission that they miss the people part! In fact, some leaders are users of people to accomplish their own ends and drive their mission forward at the expense of those who work for them. I know of a well known church, for example that sees massive turnover of its large staff regularly because of the lack of compassion and drivenness of the leader that negatively impacts the very people that support the ministry. His driven nature and success at all costs mentality leaves no room for anyone who does not live up to his standards.
The problem is that it is about the standards and vision and direction of the leader alone rather than a team that works together to accomplish the mission. Leaders who abuse in their drivenness have not developed a team mentality. They are the sheriff rather than the coach.
Driven leaders often hurt people because their focus is so much on success (whatever their definition) that they see those working for them as a means to that success rather than fellow colleagues on a journey of ministry together toward a common goal. It is really about their goal not a common goal. Any time we begin to use people toward our ends we have violated them and have moved away from the example of Christ.
Leaders must always lead and part of that leadership is encouraging their staff to be all that they can be and to maximize the gifting God has given them. Ironically, when leaders put people before mission, the mission is more effectively accomplished because staff are empowered, released and motivated. When the mission comes before the people who must accomplish it, people are often violated in the process.
Healthy leaders put people first. They create healthy teams of empowered individuals who together figure out how to tackle the mission and accomplish the goals of the ministry. It is about us, not me!
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