Managing our strengths and liabilities

Because many individuals have not understood that their greatest assets (strengths) can also be their greatest liabilities, they simply don’t pay the kind of attention to the downside of their strengths that they need to if they are truly going to have significant influence. However, people of deep influence are acutely aware of both their strengths and the liabilities of those strengths. And they pay as much or more attention to the liabilities as they do to the strength.


Think about this: our strengths are just that – strengths. Over time, if we are living in our sweet spot they grow and develop without a whole lot of attention from us. God wired us with those strengths so they are natural. I have the ability and strength to think strategically. I can envision what can be in five or ten years without even thinking about it. What is hard or impossible for others is easy and second nature for me in thinking strategically.

The liabilities that comes with that particular gift, however are not as obvious to me: impatience with those who don’t see what I can see, the potential that others may see my confidence about what direction to take as arrogance.

I will never forget a meeting I had years ago with a bright young woman who reported to me. She came into my office to share an idea with me that she thought had great potential. About two minutes into our conversation her eyes flashed with anger and she said, “Don’t ever look that way at me again?” I said, “What do you mean? What way?” She said, “I can tell from your eyes that you have already dismissed my idea as one that won’t work!” She was right, my eyes had given it away and in the process my strategic strength (in this case I was sure it would not work) had become my liability by sending her a message of disempowerment. It was a learning moment that I had to apologize for and learn from.

Our strengths come naturally. The liabilities to our strengths are not obvious to us unless we spend significant time understanding the liabilities and the ways our strengths can hurt us and others if the liabilities are not managed.

Further, people of deep influence do not become that by focusing on the deficits of others but on their own deficits primarily. They are deeply aware of who they are, they think deeply about their own motivations and how they treat others. They have developed an inner early warning system that warns them when they are going to the shadow side and they discipline themselves to manage their liabilities. They understand the council of Christ that we are first responsible for taking the log out of our own eye before we try to take the splinter out of someone else’s eye.

Every one of us has areas in our lives where we are blind to how our actions impact others. A large part of managing our shadow side is understanding not only how we perceive ourselves but how other perceive us and why they perceive us the way they do. However, because we are dealing with “blind spots” the only way we can get to this awareness is by receiving feedback from others. And that requires self confidence, humility and a nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude. This is why many young leaders resist such feedback, it is threatening and uncomfortable. I know, I have been there!

One of the most valuable lessons I have learned over the years is to welcome and not resist feedback – particularly from those who I know love me and have my best interests in mind. My wife, Mary Ann is one of those who will always tell me the truth and I know she does it out of love and concern. I have a trusted group of colleagues and friends who have the same right to speak into my life and whose council I trust. I would rather know than not know where I have blind spots or am being misperceived because of actions or words than live like the emperor who had no clothes, oblivious to his nakedness. The key, of course, is knowing who one can trust to have one’s best interests in mind. Another one of those groups is my prayer team who regularly share with me feedback that they have as they have interceded on my behalf.

I have also learned to ask feedback from those I trust rather than just hope it will come. I know, for instance, that I can be perceived as distant by some. It is not how I feel but it can be how I am perceived. I would not know that unless I had received feedback that helped me see what I could not see. Knowing that such a perception is possible, I can work to find ways to connect with those who otherwise might see me as distant.

I have learned that the more candid I am about who I am and the struggles I face, the more approachable I become. This has led me to be far more self disclosing with those around me than I was as a young leader when I thought that such self disclosure could be seen as weakness. It also comes out of a nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude by which I seek to live today. While I may not be wired like some who are deeply relational, the connection that comes through authentic self disclosure is a powerful connection and invites relationship with others.

My point is that the more we learn about ourselves both from our own awareness and from those around us who care about us, the better we become at playing to our strengths and minimizing our liabilities. There are many things I wish I knew years ago but did not. I am simply thankful that I know them now. And, I want to continue in my quest for healthy self awareness for the sake of the influence that I can and want to have in the future.

Ministry teams that work, or don't

Ministry teams are great - when they work. Sometimes, however, they don't but they never seem to die once established. We are often far more careless in the ministry world on the building and leadership and mission of teams than we would be in the secular world. Just because someone has a great idea or wants to start or lead a team is not enough to let them do so. As you consider ministry teams in your context here are some issues to think through.

Do you have a good leader?
Whether we like it or not a team rises or falls on whether the one who leads it can actually lead. The definition of a leader is that when they look behind them someone is following! Good leaders can build team, inspire vision, implement strategy and ensure that the team is actually effective. Even with the best idea, until one has a good leader, don't start a ministry team.

Does the ministry team have a plan?
Good intentions are just that. What matters is that the intentions can be translated into a workable plan that meets real needs. Asking for an annual ministry plan from a team is just smart leadership. It forces them to think carefully about what they are going to do so that they accomplish their objectives. No plan, no team!

Is the ministry in sync with the overall ministry?
Churches, especially, are notorious for adding a hodgepodge of ministries without any real alignment. The ministry of the team ought to complement and be in sync with the overall ministry of the church or organization. All arrows need to be pointed in the same direction for a ministry to be most effective. Asking the question, how does your particular ministry complement the ministry of the organization is an important one.

What spells success for the ministry team?
If a team cannot define success they don't have a plan! Even in ministry we need to know what success looks like. I have seen many teams spin their wheels for long periods of time not really accomplishing anything. If there is a definition of success, they have a target to shoot for and you have a way to evaluate their effectiveness. That should be done at least annually.

What is your exit strategy?
Sunset clauses are great things. It is one thing to start a ministry team, quite another to close one down! It is helpful to have a written policy for how teams and ministries are evaluated and how you can disband them when their usefulness is no longer there, when energy lags, or when good leadership is not available. Having the liberty to shut down a ministry team is as important for leaders as the liberty to start them.

How do you celebrate success?
When teams work hard and accomplish something significant, how do you hold them up, thank them, celebrate their accomplishments and encourage them? We are often great at guilting people into serving and not so great at thanking them for their service. Faithful and effective team members need to be encouraged and thanked.

What is your plan for recruiting new team members?
There is a natural cycle of ministry, rest and ministry again. People often cannot serve forever. Yet it is often hard for them to take a break or move on to something new because there is a shortage of help. One of the functions of a team leader is to ensure that there are new people waiting in the wings or being recruited so that others can take a rest.

What do you do when a team leader hijacks the team?
This happens. You get a strong leader who has his or her own agenda and suddenly the team is doing its own thing but is not in sync or accountable to the leadership of the organization. Spelling out leader responsibilities ahead of time (there should be a document) gives you the opportunity to pull people back into alignment if they try to go on their own. Or to remove them if necessary from leadership.

Healthy ministry teams drive God's agenda in numerous way. Getting it right so they work make a huge difference.

Pay now or pay more later

I recently had an interesting conversation with a leader from a church of about 500. Their senior pastor had left and they wanted outside counsel to help determine whether a recent staff hire would be suitable to serve as the next senior leader. Their desire is to become a regional church of several thousand - which they may have the potential to be.

I agreed to help them and laid out a suggested process which included some testing to determine the wiring of the potential new senior leader. It was about $2,000. After board discussion they decided they didn't want to spend the money on testing - it was too expensive. In turn, I suggested that I was not the right person to help them.

This board is making a classic mistake. They are hoping for the right fit but are unwilling to make the small investment to determine that fit. In trying to save a few dollars they put their future at risk because if the fit is not right it is very painful to undo.

There is a principle at play here in hiring. You either pay now to determine whether an individual is the right one for the spot you are hiring for - or you pay more later - in pain, frustration or severance. Which is wiser? As one who has had to deal with poor fits on a number of occasions I know how painful it is to move someone out of a position where they didn't fit.

Getting the right fit is hard enough. Complicating it by not doing due diligence when one can is foolish - but frequently done. I hope my friends get it right! On becoming a regional church of several thousand? Unlikely with that kind of thinking.

Seven questions every ministry ought to ask themselves

Do we think too small?
Most ministries do. They are so used to what is that they don't ask what could be. In addition, they often ignore the fact that if they changed how they did what they did that they could see exponentially larger ministry results. Ministry results are not dependent on our size or budget but on strategies of multiplication rather than addition. Changing how we think can directly impact our results.

Do we underestimate the power of the Gospel?
Too many of us do. The simple Gospel message has the power to change hearts and lives and communities through the work of the Holy Spirit. It is so simple that we often think we need to make it more sophisticated. There is nothing sophisticated about the Gospel. It is the power of God to change lives and bring salvation (Romans 1:16).

Do we think too narrowly?
Paradigms can be limiting factors for all of us. For many years the organization I lead said it was a church planting mission - pretty much exclusively. When we opened ourselves up to a holistic ministry focus of Gospel transformation and holistic ministries we saw our impact dramatically increase. We had been thinking too narrowly. 

Is our vision molded by caution or faith?
Caution is plague among ministries. We are so careful that we don't mess things up that we often don't step out in faith and try bold things. I am not talking foolish things but bold things. ReachGlobal is praying that God would allow it to impact one hundred million people with the Gospel and see 100 Acts 19 situations arise where the gospel penetrates a city or region, not just a neighborhood. That is a faith goal that forces us to not only live by faith but to boldly try strategies that will get us there. 

Is our expectation molded by pessimism or optimism?
Paul says in Ephesians 4:20 that "God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Do we really believe that? I meet many people who have very modest expectations of what God can and will do. I choose optimism over pessimism every time because it is a out God and His power that actually works within us.

Do we underestimate God power in us?
Most believers do. We don't fully grasp His power working within us or believe that He can use ordinary people for extraordinary things. But God always works through ordinary people who understand His power and are ready to put their lives at His disposal and believe that He will infuse their efforts with His power.

Do we work too independently of others?
Most ministries do. Sometimes we are arrogant and think that we can do it alone, sometimes afraid to enter into strategic partnerships, sometimes our theological framework is too narrow to understand that the Gospel transcends our usually minor theological differences. Whatever the reason, until we value the Bride over our brand we will not see the ministry results that God envisions for our world.

Those we ride with

Mary Ann and I are deeply blessed with a set of "friends for life" with whom we share life! Some of these friendships date back some 20 years or longer and all of them are deeply significant to Mary Ann and me. No words can adequately express the love and appreciation we have for these friends who share our lives and we theirs.

These friends for life have molded us, prayed for us, shared their lives with us and who we are today is directly influenced by who they are. They have left an indelible mark on our lives and hearts and we are better for them.

The New Testament has much to say about "one another." There is nothing superficial about the relationships it describes. I think of those who shared the life of Paul through his travels, trials and difficulties. They were his encouragement through many dark days and their friendship held up one of the most remarkable ministries in Christian history. They share His reward in heaven.

Those who ride alone in life - with superficial relationships - are poorer for it. Not only can I not ride alone, I am deeply in need of my life long fellow pilgrims and will do what ever it takes to stay connected with them. They are are huge priority because they are deeply important in our lives.

Who are you riding with? Do you make your fellow riders a priority? Are you a good fellow traveller as you minister to them as they minister to you? Never take them for granted!

Passive aggressive behavior is a prime form of dishonesty

Passive aggressive behavior is something all of us should be conscious of and ensure that we don't engage in it. Unfortunately it is all too common and is in my view a prime form of dishonesty.

It is dishonesty because the one engaging in this behavior says one thing to your face - usually indicating assent and agreement or cordiality while in reality they don't mean it. And, to others they may express just the opposite or simply do exactly what they indicated to you they would not do. That is dishonesty. It is also cowardice because they are unwilling to simply tell yo that they don't agree - which could lead to a constructive dialogue and some level of understanding. Instead they essentially lie about what they actually feel and undermine you behind your back.

What is crazy making about passive aggressive behavior is that it is duplicity but a duplicity that is very hard to address because the problematic behaviors are engaged in with others or when you are not present. This is particularly sad among Christians in ministry whose yes should be yes and whose no should be no. It is no less dishonesty than stealing from one's employer or lying on one's tax return. It is dishonest - period.

It may take courage but stating one's position openly and honestly (hopefully with diplomacy) is critical to healthy relationships. The ability to state what one thinks even when it goes against the grain is a sign of healthy EQ. At least at that point there is the possibility of a discussion even if agreement cannot be reached. Not stating it and acting passive aggressively leaves no room for discussion but creates chaos in relationships which is what dishonesty by definition does. The irony is that after a season, the fact that one does not agree (even if one will not admit it) becomes evident in their behaviors.

As a leader I respect those who state their opinions diplomatically even when they disagree with mine. I have no respect for those who lie to me and then engage in passive aggressive behaviors. It is not honest and it is duplicitous. 

In the Image

I remember how proud and excited I was the day I brought my oldest son, Jon, home from the hospital. Everything had changed. I drove more carefully, I was protective of my baby and Mary Ann, a new sense of responsibility enveloped me.

As he began to grow and develop I started to recognize some of me in Him and it warmed my heart. Jon is a combination of Mary Ann and me, in many ways he is our image even though he is a unique individual in his own right

Any mother knows the awesome miracle of a child that has come from her womb. Here is “flesh from my flesh.” The bond between mother and child is a deep and profound one.

There is a mystery in creation that will remain a mystery until we see God face to face. When He chose to create men and women, why did He choose to create them after His own image? Here is God, the one who has no beginning and no end, who is three persons in one, living in perfect unity and fellowship (God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit), who is divine, holy (morally pure), transcendent (above all things), sovereign (has all power), and yet he chooses to make men and women in His image! None of the rest of creation was made in His image – just men and women.

In making us in His image, God gave to us a dignity, an importantance, a kinship with Him that is unique and unparalleled. Just as Jon has “me” in Him, God planted something of “Him” in us that made us unique, important, precious to Him.

We are not random creatures here by fate to be buffeted by the capricious winds of history. We are men and women, precious to God, known by God, and made in His very image.

What does it mean that we were made in His image?

First it meant that we could have intimate relationship and fellowship with the eternal God of the universe and more astonishingly He desired (and still does) that relationship. Just as the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit have fellowship with each other, we can have fellowship with one another and with Him.

Second, we were created with a moral dimension unlike the rest of creation. We were created with the ability to choose holy and moral actions over immoral and evil actions. That is why, even after the fall, we sense guilt and shame when we do something we know to be wrong. We have a built in moral compass, affected by the fall but whose residue remains.

Third, we have a desire to connect with God. You see that desire wherever you travel in the world whether it is Buddhists trying to achieve a higher level of consciousness, Hindu’s seeking to please or appease one of the forty million plus Gods of Hinduism, some capricious and some good, the world is Islam seeking to achieve paradise, animists trying to appease the spirits in the rocks, hills and trees or even new age varieties where some kind of connection with the divine and eternal is the goal.

That desire to connect is nothing other than the residue of a perfect creation, now marred by sin but where the dim perfection of the original creation still echoes down through humanity in a yearning for relationship with the transcendent.

All of this can be summed up by a certain majesty and glory that God created when he created men and women. Which is why the fall and the destruction brought by sin is so sad. The thief came to destroy all that God created and we are infected and affected by sin and the fall.

What we cannot lose sight of is the amazing dignity that God created in men and women in his original creation and his still undying love for his creation that would motivate him never to abandon even sinful creatures.

There is nothing God will not do to win his creatures back – those made in his image – including the death of His own son on the cross to pay our penalty and restore our relationship.

That is what we mean to Him. That is why there is no sin He will not willingly forgive, no guilt He will not willingly remove, no life he will not gladly redeem. He wants us back. We were meant for Him and He love you and me with an undying, amazing and eternal love.

If you are a parent you know something about that kind of love. What would you not do for your son or daughter, made in your image? Even when they go their own way, do their own thing, inflict pain on parents, we want them back, we love them dearly – they are ours.

We are God’s and he loves us with that same parental, undying love, even when we stray and cause His heart pain. Why does God love us? Why will God intervene on our behalf? Why does He welcome even prodigals back and welcome them warmly? He made us for fellowship with Himself. He made us in His image. He loves us with an undying love.