Gains and losses in leadership

In leadership, no matter the level, most gains come with an unexpected cost - that of loss.

I spoke recently with a senior leader who is struggling with the sense of loss as he relinquishes responsibilities to others so that he can do what he is called to do - be the architect of the ministry. His dilemma is this: unless he relinquishes things he used to do he cannot take the ministry to the next level. But in that relinquishment there is a real sense of loss over things he loves to do and used to do.

There is another factor involved. The activity given up in order to fly at a higher altitude is also activity that gives a sense that one is contributing something significant to the organization. Often, one must give up activity in order to think, envision, coach others and work on taking the organization to the next level of productivity.

In doing less, many senior leaders wonder if they are really contributing something significant anymore. Often internal pressure toward activity causes them to spend time on things that need to be relinquished to others rather than doing it themselves.

One need not be a senior leader to struggle with a sense of loss. Anytime an individual producer takes on a staff member, they must relinquish what was once their activity. When they do not relinquish responsibility they disempower (see prior post). There is always loss with gain. Healthy individuals recognize the loss and are conscious of the internal pressure to keep what needs to be relinquished.

If there is loss in relinquishment, why relinquish what we know we can do and do it well? We do so in order to focus on issues that allow us to grow the ministry. Our desire for missional fulfillment is higher than our desire to keep what we used to do. We take the loss for ministry gain. That is why the senior leader above is struggling through a difficult transition. He is committed to taking his ministry to the next level and in order to do so he needs to relinquish many things he used to do and focus on those things that only he can do as the senior leader of the organization. Mission trumps his discomfort at the loss in the process.

Relational breakdowns

It happens way to often in the Christian world. There is relational breakdown between believers that is not addressed.

It may be an offence committed by one party that they are not even aware of but it is held against them by another. It may be disagreements over strategy or philosophy that causes one to marginalize the other. In many cases it actually has no root in reality but one party makes assumptions about the other party and never bothers to clarify whether those assumptions are indeed correct.

No matter the cause, such relational breakdown has an impact that goes beyond the two who don't understand each other. Because of one or both parties mistrust, others around them are infected by the mistrust because it is very hard to hide one's attitude toward another. That means that relational breakdown impacts the ministry that we are a part of. It is not a victimless sin.

The Apostle Paul encourages us to live at peace with one another as much as it is possible. In other words, when we become aware of relational breakdown it is our responsibility to try to address it whether we were the cause or not.

Our unwillingness to try to bring peace is harmful to the work of God and may in fact be sinful on our part. To hold grudges or live with relational breakdown and not have tried to bridge the gap is one of the common but unfortunate tendencies of our lower nature. We have all been guilty at one time or another. Part of spiritual maturity is learning to proactively try to bridge the gap when we become aware of one.

The most obvious step to bridging relational gaps is to start with a conversation. Many assumptions we make about others are wrong. A pastor may assume motives about a board member who challenges him or a team member about another team member.

My experience is that my assumptions about poor motives have almost always been wrong! Because I assumed poor motives I then caused a wall to go up in my own mind about the other. In such cases, it is our fault for the relational disconnect. The other party may in fact be clueless that there is even an issue.

Often, if we are willing to probe and try to understand the other's heart we find out that not only are there not poor motives but we actually want the same thing - but have been misunderstanding one another. Asking questions while not assuming motives or being judgemental can at least get the issues on the table. Unless they are on the table there is no means of dealing with them.
Where the issues are thorny it may be necessary to have a series of conversations or to bring a neutral party into the discussion to seek understanding.

Not all relational disconnects can be resolved because it takes two to want resolution. Most can, if one of the parties will press into the disconnect, acknowledge that it is there and seek to bridge the gap. Even if they know that they were not the cause, a mature individual will seek to resolve it and will not ignore it.

Taking the step of resolution is not always easy. But relational breakdowns are dangerous to a church or ministry organization. That danger ought to outweigh our fear of confronting it. Often we will find that the other party is relieved to solve it.

Overcoming defensive attitudes

Defensiveness among leaders can have a devastating impact on our ability to lead. Defensive leaders end up hurting themselves because their defensiveness prevents people from telling them the truth and if you don’t know the truth about what others think it is very difficult to lead. I would rather know facts I don’t like than not know them at all.

The root of defensiveness is personal insecurity. The logic goes something like this: “If I am wrong, then I am not a good leader so I cannot be wrong. If I cannot afford to be wrong I will push back on those who think another path is a better one.”

Ironically, in adopting a defensive posture, leaders actually lose credibility with others even though they feel they have preserved it by defending their position. Defensive leaders live with the allusion that they know what people think when in reality their defensiveness leaves them clueless and deeply vulnerable as a result.

When leaders are defensive those they lead talk about them to one another rather to them. It may not be healthy but they have trained their team not to address certain issues. Team members are smart enough to know what opinions they are allowed to share and where they need to keep silent.

The cost of defensiveness is not only that of not knowing what others think but a great loss of intellectual capital. It is in multiple counselors and robust dialogue that we come to the best strategy. In addition, it is in the process of that dialogue that we come to a shared ownership of the strategy. But this requires the ability to engage in honest and forthright dialogue. To the extent that a leader is insecure and defensive, that dialogue will not take place. As Lencioni points out in The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, dialogue builds trust while the lack of it generates mistrust.

Over the years I have adopted a principle that I seek to live by: Nothing to prove, nothing to lose. I only need to be right if I have something to prove. If I have nothing to prove I no longer need to be right. Further, I only have something to lose if I’m trying to prove something. If I have nothing to prove, then by definition I have nothing to lose. If leaders understood and lived this principle they would not live with the huge amount of anxiety they live with – anxiety caused by the need to be right – and therefore be a “great leader.”

With an attitude of nothing to prove, nothing to lose, I remind myself when others push back or even attack (it does happen to all leaders) that it is OK. I no longer need to be right, nor do I fear being proved wrong (all of us are at times). I can just be me with great openness to the opinions of others. I do not need to agree with others but I don’t need be defensive with others. In fact, it is through a non defensive attitude that I get the very best thoughts from those on my team and in the organization I lead. It is only through a non defensive attitude that we get the very best intellectual capital and best tackle the problems and opportunities we face.

How much can you bite off?

Visionary leaders love to get stuff done. A lot of it. And it you look at vision plans they often look way too big. It looks great but it is not realistic. It might be realistic over a period of years but not in any single year.

Here is a general rule of thumb. No individual or organization can pay attention to more than three to five truly strategic things at any one time. In fact, the fewer "big rocks" you tackle at a time the better off you are - in terms of doing those big rocks well.

Leaders, teams and organizations that choose a few initiatives at a time and do them well get far more done over time than those who in their optimism bite off a whole bunch of initiatives but are left with not being able to pull them off well - if at all. In the end, "less is more."

What matters the most is having clarity around mission, guiding principles, central ministry focus and the culture you are creating and then running a few key initiatives each year to move you closer to those goals. A consistent direction over time combined with a few well chosen ministry initiatives that move you closer to your end goal is a very powerful combination.

These are the kinds of organizations described by Jim Collins in his two books, Good to Great and Built to Last. Classics if you have not read them! And, in my book, Leading From the Sandbox.

Organization wide, our mission with 550 staff members does not drive more than two to three key initiatives each year. I would rather do one or two and drive them through the fabric of ReachGlobal than to try more than that and not have them as part of our DNA. Seen over a period of ten years, those carefully chosen initiatives will produce very powerful results.

That philosophy requires three things from leaders. One, being clear on where we are going long term. Two, choosing the right initiatives to focus on in any one year. And three, great patience (the hard part), knowing that the process will bring huge change and ministry results - intentionally - but over time.

If you eat too much food at a meal you get a stomach ache. If ministries bite off too much they are ineffective - exchanging long term health for unrealized short term gain.

So:
Are you clear on where your ministry is going long term?
Are you choosing with great care the initiatives you are running?
Can you be patient for strong long term results?

Leadership and risk

When was the last time your organization did something that was truly risky for the sake of seeing accelerated ministry results?

Here is a principle to consider: The greater the risk taken, the greater the potential ministry return. Because most ministries are risk adverse and would rather tweak endlessly they give up far greater returns that could have been had.

What keeps us from taking risks - making radical changes that can bring accelerated ministry results?

There is the comfort of the status quo! Most of us gravitate toward the comfortable rather than the unknown, risky or uncomfortable. However, that tendency is exactly why many congregations, for example see little or marginal ministry progress from year to year. The status quo is actually the enemy of progress.

There is the lack of ministry evaluation and the time to ask critical questions! Perceptive leaders never assume that the way we do things today is the best way to do them. Rather they ask questions like, "Are their alternative ways of doing what we do that would accelerate our results?" But that takes time to think, evaluate, dream and consider alternatives. I am convinced, for example, that much of our western missions paradigms are woefully inadequate because assumptions are not being questioned and new opportunities are not being exploited.

There is inadequate commitment to mission! Ministries that are truly passionate about the mission God has called them to will naturally take risks because their passion for God's call outweighs their comfort with the status quo. Frankly, I think many ministries exist with little or no real passion for the mission that they claim to have. And staff are comfortable with their roles more than driven by the mission. Too often we live with comfortable ministry rather than passionate ministry. Find a ministry that is truly passionate about what God has called them to do and you will find a ministry that regularly takes risks.

Often ministries are unclear about what they are really about except in general terms! Lack of clarity prevents organizations to take risk, try radical new approaches or be entrepreneurial because there there is no compelling reason to do so. It is very hard to be passionate about an unclear or uncompelling mission, or to take risks for a diffused vision. The greater the clarity of what the ministry is about, the greater the tendency to take risks to accomplish that clear, compelling vision.

If your church, mission, team or ministry is risk adverse take a look at the issues above and ask if they apply to you? If they do, are you comfortable living in your comfort? Or are their issues you need to address in order to take more territory for Christ?

Resisting diversions in our lives and ministries

Diversions. Distractions. Deviations. Detours. All of these are temptations to boards, leaders, teams and individuals. It is the temptation to divert our attention from the main thing to ancillary and less important things. It is easy to be distracted from what is most important. It takes great discipline to focus on the main things God has called us to and keep our focus there.

Take the local church. The Main Thing is introducing people to Christ and helping them grow into spiritual maturity - the front and back side of the great commission. It is more believers and better believers.

If you are on a church board or staff, make a mental guess as to how much time in your board meetings are focused on accomplishing the Main Thing and how much time on other things? Or in staff meetings? Or in your particular ministry. It is easy to stay wrapped up in budgets, staffing and programming, all important but to the detriment of the Main Thing? Which is why many congregations keep many people busy with very little spiritual results.

My experience in working with church boards is that unless there is significant resolve on the part of board leadership, the board will gravitate toward all kinds of time churning issues that have little or nothing to do with the Main Thing.

I think about my own life. God has given me four Main Things for me. It takes huge discipline to stay focused on the Main Things and minimize distractions from other nice but non Main Things - for me. Scattered attention is easy, focused living is hard.

In his letters to Timothy, Paul repeatedly encouraged Timothy not to be distracted or to waste his time on ancillary issues, fruitless debates or even people who were prone to spend their time in empty discussions. He urged Timothy to focus on the Main Thing for him - preaching and teaching the word and ensuring that his life was lived with faithfulness and integrity.

Every day, people, circumstances and the very organizations we serve can distract us from the Main Thing. Our challenge is to keep steering our lives, our teams, our boards and our organizations back toward the Main Thing so that the Main Thing is not distracted by ancillary things.

Can you define the Main Things for your life? Those key things God has called you to? Can you do the same for your church or your current ministry? If you can, how are you doing? If you cannot, are you willing to take the time to ask and answer the question?

The Main Thing is to keep the Main Thing the Main Thing. And that is the hardest thing!

Advice for young leaders

I love the energy, passion and creativity of young leaders. Helping young leaders grow and flourish is one of the most important things more mature believers can do. I want to leave a leadership bench behind me that is better than the one with me. That is success for current leaders.

As we work with young leaders there are some foundational leadership principles that we can help them understand. These go to their leadership EQ which is critical to their success.

Humility. Leaders are simply using gifts that God has given. They are given in trust to use on his behalf. Leaders are not more important than others, they simply have a different role than others and are called to be faithful to the role God has given. Leadership is not about us but about our faithfulness to the one who gave us the gifting to lead, the care of those entrusted to our leadership and the God given mission we have.

Self awareness. Understanding how we are wired, how we are perceived by others, what are strengths and weaknesses are is critical to good leadership. The more we can help young leaders become exegetes of themselves the better leaders they will be. This includes knowing where our sweet spot is and playing to our strengths as much as possible.

Dark sides. Every leader has a shadow side. Those who do not understand their shadow side and where they are vulnerable may easily become victims of their own sin or dysfunction. We ought to help young leaders understand their shadow side and encourage them to spend as much time dealing with the shadow side as they do their strengths. Those who don't deal with their vulnerabilities end up hurting themselves and others.

Honoring others. Great leaders honor other people and help them become all that they can be. Remember it is not about me but about us. My success is directly connected to the success that I help others achieve. Leaders are developers of others. They value healthy relationships, honest feedback and giving the praise to the team rather than taking the spotlight for themselves

Approachability. Young leaders need to learn how to separate their personal pride from their work. Feedback on their work is not an attack on their person, although many people see it that way. Developing a "nothing to prove, nothing to lose" is critical to healthy leadership. Unapproachable leaders cannot be healthy leaders. Remember, it is not about me, but about us and the mission God has given us.

Teachable. Leaders who are teachable grow and develop. Those who are not often run the risk of ending up as narcissists, concerned only about themselves and resistant to honest and needed feedback. This goes to humility and approachability. The most brilliant leaders who are not teachable or approachable will end up hurting others and the organization they lead.

Hearts toward God. In ministry, nothing matters more than having a heart that wants to please the One on whose behalf we exercise leadership. Maintaining hearts that are tender toward God, want to follow Him and hear from Him, please him and know Him is the most important leadership requirement of all.

If you are a young leader you may want to ask those around you how you are doing in these seven areas. If you are a mentor of young leaders, consider talking to those you mentor about the importance of these issues. They will make all the difference as to their future success.

And I need to remember as a mentor of others that these qualities are as much caught as they are taught. So, how I lead and live will impact how they lead and live.