Conversations - why they matter

I recently was asked to sign a document that I could not in good conscience sign. Thus I asked for a conversation with the individual who was requesting it. What I received instead was an email that stated a position based on incorrect assumptions and fears. Not only did it shut down any dialogue but it was decidedly not a conversation.

When there is an issue to be resolved, email missives rarely resolve them. Often they escalate rather than deescalate conflict. They are one way communications that state positions which is not a conversation. When dealing with conflictual situations they are by nature impersonal and decidedly one sided. 

Conversations, on the other hand, are an exchange of ideas, positions or concerns that have the potential to clarity and get to issues that underlie one's concerns. It allows for questions and clarifications between two mature individuals. Often, even if there is not full resolution there is much better understanding from such dialogue.

If the individual above had been willing to converse I believe that many of his concerns would have been alleviated. Instead, by shutting down conversation (stating a position in an email with underlying wrong assumptions) he lives with his unfounded fears.

Where there is an issue, don't negotiate it by email. Try a conversation. It is more productive and certainly the more mature route to take. Any of us can state positions by impersonal email. Being willing to engage in a conversation demonstrates both greater humility and EQ and it has the potential to resolve thorny issues.

Reflect, focus and refocus

New Years is an important time for all of us. It is a time of endings (the past year is behind us) and beginnings (a new year is ahead of us). It should therefore be a time of reflection, focusing and refocusing.

Reflection on the past year is important. How have we experienced God's goodness in our lives? What lessons have we learned. How has the Holy Spirit shaped us? Even for those who don't normally journal, jotting these things down will remind us of our growth in Him, His faithfulness to us and it becomes a milestone in our journey. 

Focusing on what we need to pay attention to this coming year is also important. Often that becomes clearer to us as we consider the year past. For me this involves the three to five truly critical things that I know I need to focus my life on.

The refocus is thinking through how I ensure that those big rocks I need to focus on get into my calendar for 2014. What will it take for me to accomplish what God has put in front of me? It is connecting the compass (my priorities) with the clock (my calendar).

I am thankful for seasons because they bring new beginnings, new possibilities and closure to situations that I would rather leave behind. Some have recently commented to me that they want to leave 2013 in the rear-view mirror. Now it is. The question is what we will do with 2014. It is in the headlights before us. Together with God, let's make the most of it. With each year the milestone numbers go up and the number left go down.

Why I am leaving the "ministry"

A fascinating post about professional ministry in America

Why I am leaving the "Ministry"

When leaders struggle with disillusionment

Ministry is not for the faint of heart or the easily discouraged. Disappointments can be many and even the best of leaders struggle with disillusionment from time to time.

Usually when we do so it is because we have lost perspective on the part we play in God's redemptive history and the part He plays. They two are not the same! We are players in a much larger drama that is being directed by God, not us. 

When discouragement and disillusionment come we as leaders need to be reminded of what we tell others...

One: God is good all the time even though we live in a fallen world. His goodness can always be counted on and must be trusted in for if He is not good the very character of God proclaimed in Scripture cannot be trusted.

Two: God’s goodness does not preclude us from suffering. Indeed, we share in the fellowship of His sufferings and our scars become divine scars if we trust Him in the mist of our pain.

Three: God’s ways are indeed inscrutable to human eyes: majestic, eternal, sovereign and divinely good in ways that we cannot understand this side of eternity. We exist as part of a divine drama on a stage so large and complex that we often can only comprehend a small portion of the unfolding story.

Four: There is an eternal purpose in all things that transcends our limited understanding.  But that purpose is good and will be fulfilled in the glory of God being known across our globe. Often, failure and pain are the antecedents to amazing glory and eternal success.

Five: We play a humble part in God’s eternal purposes and cannot personalize His ways as our responsibility.  We live with the joy and pain and difficulties of this life. When we carry burdens He was meant to carry rather than us we become weary, disillusioned and often angry. They are His purposes, His burdens, and a part of His inscrutable plan. We must leave them to Him.

When we become disillusioned it is usually because we have taken on responsibility we should not take on. And, have usually lost our perspective on the part God plays and the part we play in His purposes.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Habits that set the best leaders apart from other leaders

The best leaders have developed habits that allow them to become what they are. Some of the habits that set them apart from other leaders are:

·       They are more reflective

·       They take the time to think more deeply

·       They spend more time understanding themselves and those       they lead

·       They are more deeply committed to understanding God           and his Word and discerning his direction

·       They ask more and better questions

·       They take more time to evaluate success and effectiveness
         in their own lives and in the ministry the lead

·       They do less so that they can accomplish more

·       They spend more time thinking about what they should do

·       They think long term rather than short term

·       They are more concerned about the quality of their inner         life than the success of their outer life

·       They are deeply sensitive to the voice of God in their               lives and leadership

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The most important decision of the year

Each of us has made innumerable decisions in the past year. The most important decision we will make, however, may still be in front of us. 

It is this: What are the three to five truly important things that I need to focus on in the coming year?

Those who make the greatest impact do so not because they necessarily work harder than others. Rather, they are more focused than others. They live intentional rather than accidental lives and they answer the important questions like the one above.

Understanding what our focus for the next year needs to be is like having a personal compass that keeps us pointed in the right direction. Likewise our calendars are like a clock. When we connect the compass (our priorities) to the clock (our calendar) we have a roadmap for the coming 12 months.

Don't go into the new year without knowing where you need to go and having a plan to get there. These are not New Year resolutions but rather intentional decisions that help us maximize the time God has given us.

My 29 year old son has an app on his phone that counts down the days, hours and minutes until he reaches 70. It is a constant reminder that we don't have unlimited time and that we need to use it wisely. In light of that, the most important decision you make this year may still be ahead of you.

The diminishing practice of taking responsibility for our actions, lives and situations

We have an epidemic in our society of not taking responsibility for issues in our lives and leadership. From the highest office in government where no one seems to be responsible for major failures, to Christian leaders who blame others for their failures or refuse to make them right to everyday situations in our lives where we find it easy to blame, ignore or spin so that we don't  have to take personal responsibility.  At its base the problem is dishonesty, our own sinfulness, pride and a failure to face what we need to face and make it right or take personal action.

Ironically, not only is taking responsibility for our actions the right thing to do but it actually builds confidence and trust in others because they see that we are committed to doing the right thing. Even when we may have created a mess!

What does taking responsibility entail? It starts with admitting to ourselves the truth about our actions when we have failed in some way - whether large or small. That self honesty should lead to honesty with those we have affected. It means we need to be willing to say such things as "I was wrong and I need your forgiveness," "I really screwed this up and want to make it right," or similar words. Until we are willing to truthfully admit out loud to those we have hurt or impacted we have not take responsibility. It should be done if possible in person and with total truth, not blaming others or circumstances.

That admission must lead to the steps necessary to make things right in whatever way we can. This is a humbling process and requires the humility of admission, asking forgiveness where necessary and being willing to submit to others when necessary.

While I am distressed by the lack of transparency and truthfulness in government I am even more distressed by Christian leaders who do not take responsibility for their actions, admit their culpability and make things right. Leaders who spiritualize the poor decisions they make as if God is somehow responsible for the outcome.

A life of responsibility starts with the small things. No one compromises on large issues without first compromising on small issues. It is the small compromises which lead to the large compromises. It is also the taking responsibility in the small things that gives one the ability to do it in large things. Both taking responsibility and not taking responsibility are habits of our lives. The first leads to a life of integrity while the second to a life of compromise. We have everything to gain by taking appropriate responsibility and everything to lose by not doing so. 

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.