The Lens through which we view life

It is fascinating to watch the lenses through which individuals see life. Some see the cup half full, others half empty. Some are by nature pessimists and some optimists. There are those who approach relationships with trust while others mistrust. When colleagues do something unhelpful, there are those who instantly assume ill motives and those who don't. These reactions are a reflection of our personality, our family of origin and experiences of life. All of us have a set of lenses that filter our view of life, people and situations and none of us has perfect vision but some have better vision than others. And, all of us can grow toward clearer and healthier lenses.

Part of our Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is understanding the default reactions we have to people and situations and to work on modifying or managing that default when we know it is not helpful or accurate. It is not unusual, for instance, when someone does something that irritates us to assume they had an ill motives in their actions. That default reaction is often incorrect and learning to withhold judgement until we understand why they did what they did is healthier EQ than drawing conclusions without the full information.

Think of how often married couples make assumptions about words or actions of their spouse that are not accurate but which cause friction or conflict because of assumptions we make. I plead guilty! Often our default reactions are faulty.

Our default reactions are particularly evident when we are under stress which brings out either the best or worst in us. How often we wish we could modify some of those reactions! Understanding what our default reactions are and what pushes our buttons toward those reactions that are unhelpful allows us to be aware and modify those reactions in the future.

Healthy individuals learn to be self aware of their default assumptions and reactions and to modify the unhealthy words, emotions and behaviors that those default reactions trigger. It is high self awareness coupled with the self discipline to respond more slowly, thoughtfully and wisely in those situations where we know we are at risk of responding poorly. I have learned for instance that keeping my emotions in check when someone pushes my buttons also keeps my responses in check but it has had to be learned and practiced.

Becoming aware of the lenses which we wear and the default reactions we have to people and situations gives us the opportunity to modify our attitudes and behaviors that are problematic. It is all about EQ - and personal growth.

Subversive Spirituality

There is a dark side to spirituality especially among Christian leaders. It is a form of spirituality that is actually subversive to our walk with God and is often the cause of the undoing of leaders. To those around us it can look impressive, sacrificial and spiritual but all the while it is robbing us of the very spiritual nurture that we need to feed our souls.

Recently I had lunch with a former leader whose life had come undone in a major way. He literally crashed and burned and in the process lost his job, his marriage and for a long time his way in life. Today he is deeply reflective about how he got to where he was and it revolves around a subversive spirituality that fooled him, others and was the cause of his undoing.

Like many evangelicals he had a performance based relationship with Christ which caused him to throw himself into his ministry leadership role in a subconscious effort to win God's approval - and probably the approval of others. Like many, he had a lot to prove by being successful. In the process he started to neglect his inner life, margin and he discovered too late, his marriage. In the name of ministry and serving Christ he kept running faster and faster, until life simply unravelled. He went from running a world wide ministry to bagging groceries at a local supermarket.

I asked him what he had learned through the process. He told me that he understands now that his identity cannot be found in his ministry but in Christ alone. He now has a rhythm of life where once a month he spends a day alone with God in a spiritual retreat. He has become deeply introspective regarding his life and walk with God and has surrounded himself with other men who challenge him and provide mutual accountability. Over the past several years he has focused on making his relationship with God central and ensuring that he has the margin to do so.

My observation is that subversive spirituality - a form of spirituality that looks good but is in fact detrimental and even toxic infects many Christian leaders and is a threat to us all. At its core is the pattern of working hard in ministry to the detriment of our inner life. Doing things for God at the cost of being with God. Overloading our schedules at the cost of time for thinking, introspection, and time with the Father. Believing subconsciously that God's favor is dependent on how well we serve Him when what He first and really wants is us. Allowing our identity to be in our ministry or position rather than in our sonship as a family member of His family. All of these are dangerous, toxic and subversive substitutes for the most important: a healthy relationship with God, with family and with others. Our "importance" and public ministry fool us into thinking that all is well and our schedules mask the emptiness of our personal walk with God.

How do we prevent a subversive spirituality from fooling us? I have several suggestions.

• Regardless of our job we should not be fooled into thinking that we are indispensable. We are not! We are far less important than we think we are.
• Constantly remind ourselves that our identity is not in our ministry position but in our relationship with Christ.
• Ensure that there is margin in our lives for family, friends and God.
• Surround ourselves with some healthy people who will tell us the truth and provide accountability through relationship.
• Don't fool ourselves that our insane schedules are somehow proof of our importance or spirituality. Sometimes they are just proof of our foolishness and inner need to prove something to ourselves or others. Running fast can be a way of coping with what we know is an inner deficit.
• Develop a deeply introspective nature that probes our own motivations, sin, shadow side and schedules to ensure that we don't believe the lies of a subversive spirituality.
• Slow down. It is in the silence that we face our true selves, hear the voice of God and realign our thinking.

The amazing power of focus

What makes the difference between two equally gifted individuals, one of whom sees significant results from their work (and life in general) while the other does not? Often the answer is simple but profound: The productive individual has far greater focus to what they do in life while the less productive individuals energies are diffused by the lack of focus.

Focus is all about understanding what is important to us today, this week, this month or this year and then organizing our time and energies around what is important rather than being distracted by the less important. It is the discipline of prioritizing the most important things we need to accomplish from all the things we could give our attention to and then having the discipline to schedule those priorities first. That means we say yes to a few important things and no to many less important things. 

My guess is that we would all agree with the above definition of focus. Why, then is focus so difficult - we all struggle with keeping focused. The answer I think is pretty simple. First because it takes more intentionality and discipline to be focused than it does to live with lack of focus. Second, there are always pressures from those around us who have agendas for our lives, and third, it is simply harder to focus than it is to allow ourselves to be distracted by the good at the expense of the best. 

So why bother? Many don't! But those who do simply accomplish more than those who don't. They live with greater satisfaction knowing that they are doing what really counts and their focus spills over to family, ministry and all that is really important in life. This is not about working harder, it is about working smarter and in doing so we actually end up with more time for non work activities.

We have one life to live and we ought to live it well. God has given us specific gifts and we ought to steward those gifts. Jesus did not live accidentally but intentionally and so should we. Our greatest joy comes when we live out God's call on our lives but like all other things that takes focus and intentionality. The more focused we are the better we are in all areas of life: our work, our marriage, our ministry, and our personal walk. Focus is powerful.

Steve Jobs and our personal legacies

The news of Steve Jobs death at a young age causes all of us to think about our own mortality and the legacy we will leave. His legacy is amazing! Few people have changed the way so many people do life. My music comes from I Tunes, my reading today is largely on the I Pad, and my I Phone goes wherever I go. Steve was a creative force second to none. And he handled his illness with great dignity.

One of my passions is that all of God's people would realize that they too can leave a great and lasting legacy, one more significant than Steve Jobs because unlike technology (which I love) that will not transcend this world, our legacy can last for all eternity. It is found in the lives we touch, those we introduce to Jesus, and the ripples of spiritual influence that will go on and on from us till the time when Jesus returns. Every time a life is changed by Jesus, an eternal legacy is born.

One of the reasons I am passionate about missions is that I know that through my investment in sharing the Gospel globally I will leave behind a lasting and eternal legacy that touches many nations. There will be little notice when I leave this life, unlike Steve Jobs but I will spend eternity with the joy that many are there because of my commitment to sharing God's Good News in this life. And every one of us can share in that legacy.

We underestimate the impact that our lives have when we simply ripple on those in our circle of influence for Jesus. We will be surprised when we meet Jesus and He says "Well done, good and faithful servant" and we realize that our seemingly normal and inconsequential lives (from a fame standpoint) had an amazing eternal impact. We will realize that acts of kindness and ministry and love that we live out as a normal part of our everyday lives had a cumulative effect for Jesus that we had never imagined.

Never underestimate the legacy you will leave. If our lives are lived faithfully with a focus on pleasing our Lord, it will be greater than you could ever imagine. And it will last for eternity. Because of Jesus, our legacies can transcend even that of amazing people like Steve Jobs.

One intentional act of kindness in Jesus name

What would happen if we challenged our congregations to engage in one act of kindness in Jesus' name every week? Just one intentional act toward a friend, neighbor, co-worker or even stranger they come across? One act of kindness where we go out of our way to extend grace, help, give a kind word, pray with them, write a note of encouragement, walk across the street to engage a neighbor in conversation,  provide a needed meal or meet a need. One intentional act of kindness in Jesus' name.

It sounds inconsequential but we can wrap our heads around one intentional act of kindness a week - where we go out of our way to meet a need. And, we start looking for that opportunity and who knows, maybe a mindset would set in that we could even do this more often. Multiply that one intentional act by 52 weeeks and the number of folks in our congregation and all of a sudden one has critical mass.

Our lives are busy and our weeks are often packed with more activities than we can stuff into them. Committing to just one intentional act of kindness toward others in the course of our week starts to raise our awareness of the needs of others and the opportunities we have to minister to them. It may also change our mindset over time and if a whole congregation did it together and shared their experiences it would be powerful.

Think about it for your life, or your church. One intentional act of kindness each week in Jesus' name. Just one. Soon you won't settle for only one!

Endings in our lives are normal

We tend to do beginnings much better than we do endings! But just as beginnings are a normal part of life, so are endings. Something must end before something else can begin. It may be a relationship that has run it's course, a job that has been miserable for years or maybe a termination that is long overdue. It may be a personal obligation that we have had for years and it is time to move on.

I am challenged by a new book by Henry Cloud called "Necessary Endings" where he seeks to normalize the endings in our lives, help us to see them as necessary as beginnings and to do endings as well as we do beginnings. Something must end before something else can begin. Somehow, however, we find endings far more difficult than beginnings.

Too often we see endings as negative when they are just a part of our lives. Not only that but they are the precursor to better things in many instances. I once resigned a job feeling like a failure. That ending was the best thing that could ever have happened to me as the situation was destroying me from the inside out. It opened up opportunities that I never would have had if I had stayed. I need not have agonized about "failing." It was a necessary ending and truly a gift.

I currently know leaders who need to end a relationship with someone on their staff but they cannot pull the trigger in spite of the fact that the staff member is in the wrong place and causing a drag on the ministry. Somehow they feel that it "would be too painful" to do end the relationship. Yet, that necessary ending is normal - and needed - and would open up opportunities for the staff member in the wrong role and the ministry that needs a new beginning.

Endings are obviously more challenging because of the emotional investment we have made over a period of time. Endings mean that we have to let go, move on, turn our attention to a new thing and be OK with the letting go. That takes a certain amount of maturity, intentionality and discipline to do well. The past can be celebrated but our attention, focus and emotions must move toward a new beginning - leaving the old behind. Imagine how Abraham would have fared if he had continually longed to be back to Ur after God told him to go to Canaan, necessitating an ending (Ur) and a new beginning (Canaan). The leaving was a necessary ending to the blessing he would receive by doing so. I cannot imagine it was easy.

Things run their course in our lives. And in order for something new to begin there must be and ending. I love my job but one day there will be an ending and how well I handle it will determine how well I move to a new beginning.

If you are struggling with a necessary ending, pick up a copy of Henry Cloud's book. He helps us think through a transition that is hard for all of us - but necessary - and the prelude to a new beginning. Endings are not bad. They are necessary.

Delivering on the promise

This afternoon I will be speaking to individuals who are in the final process of application for service in ReachGlobal and missionaries. In the several hours I have as RG's senior leader to unpack who we are I am in essence unpacking a promise to them about the kind of organization we are, what we believe in, how we do what we do and the culture we have. I won't call it the promise but those who end up on our staff will come with an expectation that what they heard is what they will find.

All organizations make explicit and implicit promises to those who work for them. These include the kind of culture and ethos we claim to be, the way we relate to one another, our ethical code, our treatment of our constituents and the mission that drives us. However, we often underestimate the importance of delivering on that promise.

Ministries (and I am including local churches here) that are faithful to the promise made to their staff are great places to work. Where this is found it is always the result of a senior leader and leadership team that take seriously a healthy and consistent culture within the staff. This is rarely accidental and almost always deeply intentional. No ministry wins an award for being a wonderful place to work accidentally.

I am privileged to consult with various ministries. In one recent situation I found a deeply cynical staff. General cynicism among staff is almost always an indicator that there is a significant gap between the ministry's stated culture and promise and reality which breeds the jaded attitudes. Further, the cynicism is generally aimed at the senior leader who is seen as saying one thing and doing another.

In both ministry and the business world we are very good at talking the right verbiage: values, mission, vision, trust, team, cooperation, synergy, "right people, right seat" and all the rest. That verbiage is often simply words and not lived out by senior staff and therefore by the organization hence the cynicism.

Good leaders are as intentional in their actions as they are with their words. They define a culture and put systems and commitments into place to ensure that the culture matches their words. And while they require all staff to live up to their commitments it always starts with the consistent actions of senior leaders.

They are also continually looking for gaps between the promise and reality. Because many staff will not volunteer to senior leaders where those gaps exist they go looking for gaps and ask a lot of questions. There are many senior leaders who are the only ones in the whole organization who don't know there are gaps and that is a bad thing. Leaders never assume that all is well. They find ways to either verify that the promise is being delivered or they find the gaps and backfill them.

I know that there are gaps in the ministry I lead as we have set the bar high. But my senior team also knows that I am resolved that we deliver on the promise I will be unpacking this afternoon with new potential staff and that we are serious that our words match our reality. Staff will be patient and forgiving if they know that senior leaders are serious and fill the gaps where they find them. That breeds confidence and trust rather than cynicism.

Why is this so important? First it is a matter of simple integrity: do our words match our commitments. Second, we owe our staff a healthy place to work - especially in the Christian ministry setting where anything else is inexcusable. Third, those we serve will be directly affected by the attitudes and health of our staff. In other words our delivering on the promise impacts our ability to deliver on our mission.