You heard what? Communicating well

I am often amazed at what people "hear" compared to what I thought we "said." It is a challenge in any organization (the church being one of the most complex) to communicate in a way that people actually understand what we are trying to communicate. It is not that people don't listen. It is that there are many messages competing for people's attention and the more complex the organization the more attention there needs to be to what and how we communicate.

Organizational trust is very much tied into good communication. When people understand where their leaders are taking them and what is important to the organization trust grows. When they do not, trust diminishes.

The first and most important job of any leader is to clarify for the organization who it is, where it is going and how they are going to get there. Indeed, one of the greatest frustrations of congregations and ministry organizations is the absence of clarity on these critical issues. Congregations and ministries become restless and unhappy in the absence of clarity. They are less concerned about what the direction is than they are about knowing the direction.

Good leaders ask several questions regarding communication on a regular basis.

One: They ask, "What do people need to know?"

People need to know with clarity the mission of the organization, the non-negotiable guiding principles, the culture you desire to create and the central ministry focus (what you do day in and day out to accomplish your mission). They also need to know any key directional changes that you are making (surprises are not welcome). And they need to know where you as a leader want to take the ministry.

Two: They ask "How do I communicate simply and clearly?"

Here is the rule: The more simply and clearly I can communicate what I communicate the better it will be heard. Leaders think carefully before they communicate so that their message is most likely to be heard and understood. Simple and clear communication wins every time. Complex messages will not be understood or are often misunderstood.

That is why I lead from a sandbox where the four sides of the sandbox represent the four most important things those in our organization need to know and live out (The book, Leading From the Sandbox explains the paradigm). Everyone can remember the four sides of our sandbox and if they do, they remember the four most important things for our organization.

This raises a second issue. When leaders do not communicate simply and clearly and when they do not communicate the same thing over and over, clarity is lost to confusion. Good leaders communicate the same key messages over and over and over with the same vocabulary so that the very vocabulary used becomes the vocabulary or short hand of the organization. Ambiguity fosters confusion. Simple clarity fosters understanding.

The greatest leaders are those who can communicate complexity with simplicity! It is a skill that can be learned but it takes the discipline of figuring out how to communicate the complexity of your ministry with simplicity. And then stick to it.

Three: they ask: "How can I know if they understood what we said?"

This is a very important question. Good leaders never simply assume that everyone understood what was communicated. Often people hear the message but make their own assumptions about what it means in the framework of how they view the organization. Especially, when leaders are bringing change they need to ensure that people really understand.

There is a simple way to ascertain the level of understanding. Good leaders find forums to dialogue with various staff teams on a regular basis where they again communicate with simple clarity those things the organization needs to know. Then they engage in dialogue, asking questions, answering questions, talking through the implications of what has been communicated.

Through dialogue leaders are able to understand where they are not being understood and therefore hone their message for greater clarity. They are able to clarify what is not clear and they pick up on areas where their people are having a difficult time grasping concepts or ideas.

Through extensive dialogue like this all over the world, I have a fairly good grasp on which issues in our sandbox are well understood and which are fuzzy. That gives me valuable information on where I need to continue to clarify and help simplify complexity.

Leaders communicate well when they are clear, when they simplify complexity, when they consistently communicate the same simple messages and when they dialogue with their people to ascertain what the level of understanding is. And, they never take communication for granted. It will either help them or hurt them in what they are seeking to do.

The faith of a child

It was about 25 years ago and Yellowstone National Forest had been burning for months leaving vast tracts of land barren and charred. My son and I were driving in Northern Minnesota and he was agonizing over that fire. Suddenly he folded his little hands squeezed shut his eyes and prayed, "Jesus would you stop the fire?" That night it snowed in Yellowstone and the fire was extinguished.

Coincidence? I won't attempt to answer that question but Jon knew in his heart that God could do anything He chose to do and in his innocence and faith he simply asked God to stop this enormous fire and God did.

Jesus loved the faith of children because it is so simple compared to the sophisticated faith of adults - so sophisticated that we often do not believe that God could or would do those things that we might ask for. Our innocence and simple faith has been lost, replaced by our complex ideas of who God is and how He acts. And as a result our prayers are often prayers of greater unbelief (He won't answer this) than they are prayer of simple faith and belief.

When at about four I invited Jesus to come into my heart and forgive my sin, I had no doubts that He had done just that. When I prayed for his help I knew that He would help. In my innocence I simply believed promises I knew to be true and that He was who He said He was. It was a wonderful, simple, profound, faith unclouded by doubts and all my rationalist thinking.

Jesus said, "Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 18:3). He desires that our faith be simple and profound, simply believing His promises and His forgiveness and His presence.

As a theologian, I know many nuances of theology. As a follower of Jesus I desire to have the innocent, simple, profound, believing faith of a child. These are not antithetical to one another. In fact, they are the trust of a child to a father.

Agreeing and disagreeing agreeably

Healthy relationships, healthy leadership and healthy teams are built on a culture of high trust and a culture of high trust requires the ability to engage in honest dialogue about important ministry and missional issues.

Honest dialogue, however, requires the ability to agree and disagree with those we work with without our agreement or disagreement affecting our relationship. In fact, in a healthy organization or team, honest dialogue is always of high value and encouraged because it is in the give and take of ideas, options and alternatives that a team will come to the best solutions.

In a healthy organization, opinions and ideas are seen as neutral, designed to get the team or organization to the best solution.

As neutral, they are not good or bad, they are simply puzzle pieces on the table that may or may not fit the final picture but which need to be considered. Because they are neutral entities, it is not necessary to see disagreement as bad or a challenge to us because we are simply trying to fit the puzzle pieces together in the best configuration. Thus it is not about me or you but about which solution is best for the team and its mission.

Where this breaks down is where a team member so holds their solution or idea as the right one that it is no longer a neutral option but becomes to them to only right option. Someone who must get their own way displays unhealthy emotional intelligence (EQ) and they infuse what should be a neutral option for the group to consider into a more charged issue of what is right (my way) or wrong (the other way). Once this dynamic occurs, trust is damaged for the give and take of options is no longer possible without a fight over right and wrong, rather than over different options.

This often happens on church boards where individuals with strong convictions insist that their way is the right way and what should be an agreeable discussion of options becomes instead a conflictual discussion of options where their is no way to resolve the issue without conflict because someone has drawn hard and fast lines that must either be followed or the conflict will continue.

In these cases, whether on a team or a board, what should be a discussion of neutral ideas and issues designed to get you to the best solution has instead been hijacked by an individual (well meaning or not) who has a personal agenda. Personal agendas hurt group process and decision making because there is no longer the ability to dispassionately discuss ideas and issues. They have now been infused with what is "right" or "wrong."

Those who believe that honest dialogue toward shared solutions means that they can fight for their personal agenda (the way it should be) misunderstand what healthy dialogue looks like. In fact, unless they can grow in their understanding of the give and take of ideas and issues toward a common solution, they do not belong on a team or a board because their agendas will sabotage the process, and damage trust because there is no longer a way to agree and disagree agreeably.

Remember, in a healthy organization, options and ideas are seen as neutral, designed to get the team or organization to the best solution. They are pieces of a puzzle that may or may not end up in the final picture and should be seen as valid options without being infused by personal agendas. Where a team member cannot do that, they don't belong on the team!

When one is hemmed up by their job

It is a common problem in the workplace: leaders who micromanage and control, leaving good people feeling disempowered, hemmed in and not trusted. Consider these true scenarios:

• A supervisor tells their staff that every email they send must be copied to them so they know "everything" that goes on
• Staff members know that most of their planning will be revised by their leader
• Nothing can happen without the approval of the supervisor
• Last minute changes to ministry plans by a leader continually complicate the life of a staff member
• Leaders change their minds from week to week on strategy leaving staff members unsure of where they need to go
• Staff members are publicly criticized for decisions they have made
• There is an unspoken rule that staff cannot speak their minds on issues they feel strongly about if their opinion is not in sync with their leader
• Staff are given responsibility but not the authority to do what they need to do

Actions like the above violate good people who are not released to use their full potential. They also convey an attitude of mistrust (why else would one need to control or micromanage). Lack of trust translates into major dysfunction on teams and within ministries.

There are many leaders who believe that to lead means to tell people what to do and how to do it. What they don't understand is that people may do what they ask but out of fear rather than out of trust. Those who respond out of fear rarely have great respect for their supervisor.

If you are in the spot of being hemmed in what do you do? The first suggestion is the hardest but it is to be candid with your supervisor by telling them that when they exhibit certain behaviors it makes you feel like.... and describe the feeling. In the best case scenario, you are talking to someone who is reasonable and does not understand how their actions affect you. Help them understand how you feel when they hem you in and what you would prefer their response to be

It often takes one courageous individual to carefully but honestly put an issue on the table so that the "elephant in the room" is named and therefore cannot live in the dark anymore.

It is often helpful to read as a team, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni. It can stimulate honest dialogue around issues that confront the team and hopefully bring some necessary change.

There are some leaders who will not listen, do not understand and whose narcissistic tendencies (yes even in ministry) simply continue to cause pain. Those who disagree are marginalized and find themselves without any influence whatsoever. It is a painful place to be.

My advice in that case? Leave when you can for the sake of your own emotional and ministry health. Find a leader who is empowering and healthy and you will feel like the walls that hemmed you in are gone. I spent time with one who did just that this week and it has made all the difference in the world for them. Life is too short to work for unempowering leaders who control, micromanage or marginalize good people.

The glue that holds good teams together

It is a fun game: how many cards can we stack on top of another until the house of cards comes down.

In real life, it is more serious - for leaders and team leaders. The measure of our leadership is not what happens when we are leading but what happens when we leave. Does what we built hang together and continue to flourish or does it come apart like a house of cards?

Some leaders build their team or organization on the force of their personality but once they are gone the glue is gone - the cards fall. Other, wiser leaders build their team or organization on values and principles and good people. When they are gone, the values, principles and good people remain and the organization or team continues strong. These leaders have not built a house of cards but a team of strength.

If you are a leader here is a question you should ask. If I disappeared today, what would happen? Would the direction and effectiveness continue in spite of my absence or would it flounder and come apart? In too many cases the reality is the latter rather than the former.

True team and organizational strength is built on a commonly held mission, set of guiding principles, central ministry focus and a carefully built culture that is held, believed in and practiced by everyone. It is in their bones, not just in their leader because their leader has brought alignment around beliefs and practices not around their personality or authority. One builds true long term stability while the other builds temporary but weak alignment.

The mission clarifies what you are about. The guiding principles clarify how you go about doing what you are about. The central ministry focus clarifies what you must do day in and day out to succeed and the culture clarifies the ethos that you are committed to creating. These are the four most important questions every leader answers for their team or organization and they are the glue that holds people together for maximum alignment and ministry passion.

Missional glue is far more powerful than the glue of one's personality - especially if one wants to build something that has influence beyond their time in leadership. It is also a sign of a humble leader when they build around a set of principles and values and a clear mission, rather than themselves. After all it is not about us but the mission God has entrusted to us. 

If you want help in building a ministry based on those principles that will last, read Leading From the Sandbox. It contains the secrets of clarifying those things that are most important for your team or organization. It will take you from a house of cards to a house intentionally built to last.

The leadership discipline of paying attention

It was a few years ago that an American submarine off of Hawaii managed to blow to the surface and smash into a Japanese fishing boat. Note to self: before surfacing, put up the periscope and look around! Carefully!

Healthy leaders pay close attention to what is going on around them. They regularly look around, ask questions, look in the closets and drawers as it were to understand the climate, mood, realities and issues that their team or organization faces.

Not to do so is to invite unhappy surprises! A pastor realizes one day that his staff have gone south on him and he has a coup on his hands (it happens). An organizational leader finds out that members of their board are unhappy. A team leader realizes that a staff member is undermining him or her in an unhealthy way. Or, something is going on that has the potential to create a crisis - like the submarine taking out the hull of the fishing vessel.

Organizational or team culture requires vigilance and care. Leaders who ignore threats to the culture are likely to pay a price for their lack of attention. The submarine captain lost his job!

I have watched leaders ignore significant staff discontent or lack of alignment because they didn't want to face an unpleasant reality. In the end they lost leadership capital because it was obvious to staff that their leader was not dealing with real issues in the organization that needed attention.

Some leaders are so self absorbed that they are clueless to what is actually going on around them. Then they feel betrayed when they realize that a collision has occurred. If they had been looking around and paying attention, they would not have been surprised.

Wise leaders ask questions and look for honest feedback in order to understand where people are at. Leaders who are threatened by honest feedback don't and find out what is going on the hard way.

Organizational culture and health is one of the primary responsibilities of leaders. But you have to look around and know what is on the water! Keep your periscope up and avoid surprises.

The right questions are more powerful than the right answers

Those who supervise others are often tempted to give answers to issues that arise in their conversations. It is often a mistake as it does not help the staff member think through the issues themselves.

It is far better to ask the right questions than to give the right answers. The right questions cause all of us to think, to focus and to evaluate. Those who ask us the best questions are those who often have the most influence in our lives.

Our natural instinct is to tell not to ask. Next time you are tempted to give an answer ask a question instead. An answer puts a period on the conversation. A question opens up a conversation. And, it causes people to think.

Uncluttering our lives

I often reflect on the prodigious output of individuals like Calvin and Luther who wrote in a day when there were no typewriters, computers, electricity or study aids. How did they do what they did?

The truth is that their lives were much more uncluttered than ours. Uncluttered by ubiquitous email, by cell phones, by television and the Internet, easy travel or the unending options we have for how we spend out time at work or at play.

Often, our conveniences become our challenge. Clutter is how I think of all the emails, communication, media, travel obligations, paperwork and meetings. Not that some of these are not important but because they are not all equally important, but we often treat them that way, to our detriment and frustration.

A personal goal of mine is to unclutter my life so that I don't live in the frustration of too much to do or the lack of time to do what I really should be doing well.

Consider:

Email screams at us to respond. I set aside a specific time to go through the bulk of my email so that it does not distract me through the day. The delete button is wonderful. So are short replies. I respond personally to every email from my staff, but at a time that works for me. Just because others can talk to us any time does not mean that we need to respond at any time.

Paperwork is ubiquitous. I have a wonderful pile in my office that I call the six month pile. When I receive paperwork that is of questionable importance, it goes in that pile. Every six months or so I go through it and realize that 95% of it can just go in the trash. The rest I deal with. I love that pile.

Meetings waste tons of time. Lencioni's book, Death By Meeting, is a classic. I cannot control what others do but I have resolved not to waste other people's time with meetings that are unplanned, poorly run or waste precious time. Meetings are not social occasions but missional.

The cell phone is a blessing and a curse. My strategy is to answer those calls that are important (caller ID), to return other calls when it is not a distraction and to schedule phone appointments rather than to take calls at any time. I am available to those who I need to be available to but in a way that does not clutter my day.

Obligations clutter our lives. Many of those obligations are not obligations we feel but obligations others impose on us. Saying no to those things that are not necessary unclutters life and gives us breathing room for those things that are truly necessary.

Travel is time consuming. I have increasingly been turning to video meetings, even for consultations with church leaders or other organizations to save the wear and tear of travel and simplify my schedule. Sometimes being there in person is necessary. Often it is not. Video meetings can save major travel time.

Reading: Too many books, too little time. The key is to read more selectively - we will never keep up with the information out there but we need to keep up with the critical information out there.

Relationships: They are important. Uncluttering our lives gives us time for what counts more - people.

I suffer from the disease of not being able to work in a cluttered office or study. If things are not in order I feel that my life is not in order. But life itself can be cluttered as well. I am on a mission to unclutter my life. Order and the ability to concentrate on what is most important lightens the load, clears the brain and focuses my energy.

Back to Calvin and Luther: One of the greatest downsides of clutter is that it keeps us from deep thinking. And deep thinking is the key to successful living and ministry. When our clutter crowds out time to think deeply it has compromised our lives. Our business provides the illusion of importance and significance but it is only an illusion. Those who accomplish the most are those who think the most about what they do and how they do it.

How cluttered is your life and do you have a strategy to keep it simple?

EQ potholes to avoid

Potholes can do a real number on one's alignment! That is true with our vehicles and for our personal lives. In both cases, it is better to avoid them rather than pay the price for hitting them.

Consider these personal potholes:

• Getting sideways with someone and not doing all we can to make it right
• Keeping a grudge
• Assuming poor motives without clarifying those motives
• Not listening to feedback that we don't like
• Not asking for feedback from those around us
• Blaming others for our mistakes
• Taking credit for others work
• Insisting on our way
• Criticizing others to others rather than talking to those we disagree with
• Easily taking offence
• Defensiveness
• Making life about me rather than about the mission of the organization
• Taking on the offense of others and making it ours
• Refusing to forgive an offence
• Becoming enmeshed in the issues of others rather than insisting that they work out their own stuff
• Listening to the issues of others without insisting that they go and make things right with those they have an issue with
• Not being honest about our feelings and opinions
• Telling people what they want to hear rather than what we actually think
• Speaking truth without grace
• Giving grace without truth
• Not giving honest feedback when it is needed
• Marginalizing people who are honest with us

Emotionally healthy individuals avoid these potholes and if they hit them make them right quickly. They understand that all of these are relational issues and that healthy relationships are the key to almost all ministry effectiveness. They take responsibility to the best of their ability to keep relationships healthy and to avoid relational breakdowns.

Unhealthy relationships and relational breakdown are the cause of a great deal of pain on ministry teams and within ministry organizations. Most of it would be avoided if we avoided these potholes and filled them in when they occur.

Emotionally unhealthy individuals often don't even recognize these as issues which is a tougher thing to deal with. They find ways to justify their behavior and denigrate those whom they disagree with. Where people with poor EQ create issues that hurt or distract from ministry, someone needs to help them understand the impact of their unhealthy behavior. Often that will fall to supervisors. To ignore it is to leave other team members in a no win situation.

Each of these potholes are discussed explicitly or implicitly in Scripture. If we are guilty of any of them we need to rethink our behavior. It will please God and it will keep us out of all sorts of personal alignment issues. Try not to hit these potholes and if you do, make it right quickly.

Healthy leaders work hard to ensure that healthy relationships are maintained on their teams. When they see potholes developing they work to get them filled in and relationships back where God wants them to be. Where that cannot happen, they move those who constantly create potholes off of their teams.

Loyalty: To the leader or to the mission of the organization?

Recently I led a retreat for a senior group of executives who desire to go to the next level. Each of them is fiercely loyal to their founder/leader. Yet, among themselves there is a fair amount of dissonance with sometimes poor cooperation, siloed departments and lack of cooperation. Why is that when there is such strong loyalty to the leader?

The answer is relatively simply. If my primary loyalty is to my leader I will do everything I can to please him/her but that does not mean that I need to relate well to my peers. It may even be that I jockey with my peers for the "affection" of my leader at the expense of relating and cooperating with my peers as I need to.

Now think about this: If my primary loyalty is to the mission of the organization I will have a different perspective on cooperating with others on the team. After all, for the organization to be successful it must have an integrated, results oriented, synergistic team all pulling in the same direction. Pleasing the leader is replaced by the success of the organization and the fulfillment of its mission.

It is a small difference in focus that has huge consequences for how we act and think. In this case, the leader was frustrated by the lack of commitment to a common mission. We clarified that mission and did a reset of the team's loyalty around that compelling mission which will necessitate that they think and relate differently than they have. A small shift with significant consequences.

Spiritual poverty

The greatest poverty of all is not physical poverty (as profound as that is in our world) but spiritual poverty, poverty of spirit and of the soul.  It is the poverty of being out of fellowship with our creator!

Satan delights in spiritual poverty for he knows that it robs life of its true meaning as men and women made in God’s Image. Anything he can do to encourage a substitute for the true God He will do. It may be an alternate definition of truth, the pursuit of stuff and wealth, the distractions of life or for believers, encouraging us to keep God on the periphery of our lives rather than in the center. Anything that keeps the created from the creator is fair game for Satan. For he knows that it is the creator who brings meaning to the created.

As a mission leader I have the opportunity to travel to many places in our world and we see first-hand the poverty of spirit that pervades our fallen world. It is seen in many forms. In India with Hinduism it is wondering which of the 30 to 40 million Gods one should worship and appease, never really knowing if you chose the right on. In Buddhism it is the endless cycle of existence in some form or another until you get it right.

In Islam it is either a fatalistic fear of God or trying to perform well enough to please Mohamed. In much of the former communist block it is atheism with no God at all. In each case there is a spiritual poverty that keeps people in fear or substitutes some lesser thing for the fullness that only Jesus can offer.

Solomon, with all his possessions understood how empty life was when lived apart from a relationship with God. In fact, he said that it is only God Himself who gives us the ability to truly enjoy those things God has given to us.

“Then I realized that it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given him – for this is his lot. Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work – this is a gift of God. He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart (Ecclesiastes 5:18-20).”

Even those who profess faith in Christ can experience spiritual poverty when Jesus is not at the center of their lives. It is He who gives our lives meaning and purpose but unless we are living out His call on our lives we can experience significant emptiness. Life is more than the abundance of our possessions, the toys we can accumulate or the leisure we enjoy. All of those can be gifts of God, according to Solomon but only when God is at the center for it is He who gives us the ability to truly enjoy all of life.

How do we defeat Satan’s attempts to diminish our lives? We keep Jesus at the center of all that we are and all that we do. This includes nourishing our relationship with Jesus through His Word and prayer, being attentive to the voice of His spirit in our hearts, using the gifts He has given for His purposes and the advancement of His Kingdom and loving others as Jesus loved them. When Jesus is central to all that we do Satan is robbed of his ability to deprive us of God’s goodness, joy and purpose. Everything that takes away from our relationship with our Creator should be resisted and everything that keeps Jesus central in our lives should be embraced.

I will empower you but you need to keep me informed

I am a deep believer in the need for leaders to empower other good people rather than to micromanage, control or insist that things be done my way. It is only through giving opportunity away that we are able to sustain growth and see the organization realize its full potential. Leaders who don't empower others are doomed to plateau their ministry at some point. And to disempower other staff who could be doing a great deal more.

There is, however, a reciprocal responsibility to those leaders who empower and give responsibility: staff have an obligation to always keep their leader informed of things he/she need to know. In giving opportunity away, leaders take a risk: if things are not handled well it can come back to hurt the organization. Yet one cannot grow a scaleable ministry or business without empowering others. 

The responsibility of leaders is to build the right team and empower that team. The responsibility of that team is to keep the leader informed of things that the leader needs to know. No leader likes surprises, or to find out from others that something went south.  Sometimes things will go south, that is life but the first one to know should be the leader of the team or organization.

Wise leaders empower other good people. Wise staff keep their leader informed when there are issues. It is a relationship of mutual trust and support. 

Regrets in our lives

We all have them - no one goes through life unscathed by regrets. What do we do with them?

First, acknowledge them to yourself. They may be regrets of things we should have done or things we regret we did. Some may be sin, others simply choices we made that were not healthy. Acknowledging them is the first step in dealing with them.

Second, where forgiveness is needed, ask for it whether of God or others. It is amazing what happens when the grace of God washes over our regrets. When others forgive they exhibit God's grace in a personal way. Once dealt with, there is no point in re-sawing the sawdust. What God and others have forgiven is past and we can put it to rest. 

But, there is a third piece. That is reorganizing our lives so that we don't repeat the behaviors that caused us regret in the first place. It is choosing new decisions, paths and behaviors. If we do, we have learned from our failures and allowed them to move us into healthier places. It is the lessons not learned in regret that are most painful.

We have a gracious God who forgives willingly and quickly when we acknowledge our failures. Don't live with regret. Deal with it, learn from it and allow His forgiveness to wash over your heart.

Why I love working with my team

I am in an enviable position with a senior team that is amazing - 13 leaders. I love working with them, enjoy their company, and we are on a common mission to see 100 million people impacted with the gospel and to multiply transformational churches globally. Here is why I love working with them.

1. The team is deeply committed to our mission. The missional glue is strong and when a team lives and breathes an organization's purpose, there is energy, synergy and a common bond that is second to none.

2. The team has really good EQ! Problematic EQ can kill an other wise good team but this team has great EQ. We can engage in the most robust dialogue while staying in relationship and it is in our clash of ideas that we see the best decisions emerge. The high EQ factor makes for healthy relationships.

3. The team allows each leader to lead in their arena but supports one another heavily. There is no competition and no turf wars or silos on this team. We respect one another's expertise, support each other and work toward common goals. At the same time we can ask critical questions and challenge one another which keeps us sharp.

4. There are no elephants on the team - no issues that cannot be put on the table and discussed. And when they are there are no personal attacks or hidden agendas. Elephants are only issues in disguise that once named can be managed. We work together with a great deal of transparency and honesty.

5. The team is never satisfied with what is and is always pressing into what could be and greater missional effectiveness. I love the sense of urgency that the team has and while we celebrate the wins we are never content to stay where we are but are always asking how we can do better.

6. The team loves to pray together and for one another. They know that unless God is in it and unless we live in the power of the Holy Spirit that we're not going to get where we want to go. We enjoy our times of worship and prayer.

7. The team is always ready to think in new ways and try new things. There is no sense of status quo but one of entrepreneurial thinking that is refreshing and keeps me as the team leader on my toes. And they are not afraid to challenge me!

8. The team believes in ministry excellence. If we are going to do something we are going to do it well even if it means finding new and better ways of doing things. 

9. The team has longevity. While there is turnover as God leads individuals there are long term relationships on the team that have made for great trust and deep relationships. 

Every day I thank God for the amazing team He has provided me and ReachGlobal. Healthy teams are a joy to be a part of.

Deadly emails

Most of us have a love/hate relationship with email. On the one hand it is handy, on the other it can get out of control and start to control our lives. More significantly it is a terrible means of communication if there is any potential conflict involved. Email tends to escalate conflict and create misunderstandings. And we tend to be far more discourteous in emails than we would be in person.

Email communication is a bad idea in conflictual situations because it is easy to say things in a way we would not communicate in person and we cannot read the tone and body language of those we are talking to. Nor can we ask questions and seek clarification. Rather than solving a problem, email often creates greater problems. Don't use email as a substitute for a personal conversation by phone, Skype or in person when there is any possibility of misunderstanding.

I especially abhor the CC tab on emails that should go to the person we are dealing with rather than to the whole world. CC'ing others only broadens potential misunderstandings but is often a means of putting pressure on someone to respond the way we want them too since we have now raised the stakes by bringing others into the issue. 

The CC tab often violates the principle that we communicate with the individual with which we have a question or issue, rather than broadcasting it to a larger audience. My general rule is that if people are CC'd inappropriately I will only respond to the appropriate individual(s). 

Email's can be used to make assumptions about motives - which becomes a charge, rather than conversations where we are far more likely to ask questions of clarification. Because people often feel attacked in an inappropriate email they will often attack back which escalates rather than deescalates tension. 

Finally, don't hit the send button until you have read through one's email with this question: How will others likely read what I just wrote? Email's written in emotion usually express emotion that we don't really want to express - anger. Again, far better to ask some neutral questions for clarity than to fire off an angry email. You cannot take words back that have been released.

The book of James talks about the power of the tongue for good or for evil. It it was written today I suspect that the power of email communication would also be included. It can heal or wound. 

Insightful post by Eric Metaxas on same sex marriage and its impact on children

Wanting a Mom and a Dad

Children of Same-Sex Couples

Eric Metaxas http://contentz.mkt3980.com/mson/2013/06/03/cbC5o1Hs5wcc/index.html

As we earn more do we start to need more and actually give less?

There is an irony in the statistics of Christian giving. The more one has or makes, the smaller the percentage they often give. Those with lower incomes give a higher percentage of their wealth to Christ than those who have higher incomes.

It makes me wonder if the more we make the more we think we need and therefore protect our wealth. In other words, the thresh hold of need rises as our income rises along with a perceived need to protect that wealth. 

The result is that in general, those who have the most give a lesser percentage than those who have less. Is it possible that God's generosity to us often creates a greater dependency on material things because our attention becomes increasingly focused on wealth as security rather than on Jesus and a life of faith?

Becoming more conservative in our generosity to God as wealth increases is at odds with the Scriptural principle of being generous with God in proportion to how He has and does bless us. Consider 2 Corinthians 9:6-9. "Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."

The irony is that God's blessing - which He freely gives to us - can cause us to be less generous back to the One who gave us the blessing. It was the caution God gave the Israelites in Deuteronomy 7. The more we depend on our wealth for security the less we live by faith. 

I love Paul's words to Timothy in 1 Timothy 6:17-19. Command those who are rich in this present world...to do good, to be rich in good deeds and to be generous and willing to share."

 He does not say to give it all away. He simply encourages generosity and an open hand. God's generosity to us is a model of what our generosity to Him should be.

One last thing: Most of us don't consider ourselves as wealthy. We see wealth as relative to those who have more than us. But, if our combined family income is $100,000 or more annually we are in the top one half of one percent of wealthy globally. That helps put it in perspective for all of us. Fifty four percent of our world lives on $3.00 per day or less and 91% of our world lives on $10,000 per year or less. 

What in the world are you thinking?

That is a question many staff want to about their leaders. What is on their mind? What are they thinking? How are they evaluating the work of the organization? What is coming in the future? What ideas are percolating in their minds.

A large part of staff trust in their leaders (whether at the top or leaders of teams or divisions) has to do with knowing what their leader is thinking. It not only builds trust but it provides a great deal of stability on the staff because disclosure eliminates surprises and allows staff to move in the same direction as their leadership.

Leaders who don't practice appropriate disclosure can come off as aloof and unapproachable. Not a recipe for trust and collegial relationships. There is a deep desire for good staff to understand what is on the minds of their leaders and to be able to move forward with them toward the same goal.

If you are a leader, how disclosing are you with your staff? Obviously we are the most disclosing with our senior staff and appropriately disclosing with others. The members of the ReachGlobal cabinet - the senior team I lead know exactly what I am thinking at any point in time which has built significant trust and allows us to think corporately about the future.

The more private we keep what is in our minds the less powerful our leadership. The more disclosing we are, the more effective our leadership.

The dysfunction of control in ministry organizations

Control is the opposite of empowerment. Empowerment releases people within specified boundaries to use their gifts and abilities for maximum ministry impact with definable ministry outcomes. All too often, leaders or an organization's culture mitigate against empowerment and exercise stringent control over people and methodologies.

Control is not always overt but it has the same consequences as if it were. My own organization used to insist that there were only a few ways to do church planting around the world. People who were entrepreneurial and tried other methodologies were sometimes marginalized because they did not use the prescribed methods. The 'system' (beliefs and practices) was the controlling factor.

In local churches, many congregations have the sense that they must control their leaders, insisting that all decisions come back to them. Many leadership boards believe that they need to control the staff or they might do something unwise. Staff members often believe that they need to control volunteers to guard the quality of ministry and on it goes.

The worst form of control comes in the form of a church 'boss' who has the power to hold informal veto power over any key ministry decision, and/or an insecure leader who must micro-manage staff and activities out of his or her need to know everything, have a hand in everything and take the credit for everything.

Good leaders and good organizations and good teams empower people for ministry within appropriate boundaries and encourage them to play to their strengths in alignment with their gifts. Jesus empowered His disciples, and the leaders He left behind were told to empower and release others - the theme of Ephesians 4. Leaders determine whether their culture empowers its people or controls its people.

Healthy leaders and organizations empower while unhealthy leaders and organizations control. The first encourages people to use the best of their gifts and abilities while the second disempowers and discourages.

Do you have a cause worth giving your life to?

How passionate are you about the work God has called you to? Is it something that gets you up in the morning ready to tackle the day, knowing that it is worth giving your life to? That is one of the secrets of people of deep influence. They believe with all their heart that what they do matters, that it is of eternal consequence and that every day counts in the journey they are on.


I believe in the cause God has given our organization. “We are a gospel centered movement changing lives, communities and institutions worldwide in the power of God’s Spirit.” Even more significant for me, it aligns with God’s call on my life and my convictions so there is huge convergence between the organization I lead and His call on my life. Every day is a day to advance that cause!

The absence of a compelling cause in our personal and work lives is a debilitating condition that sucks away our energy, diminishes our joy and compromises our impact. And too many people suffer from the condition. It is sad in that God has created us specifically to accomplish something of great value for him and then gifted us for that specific influence (Ephesians 2:10). The route to deep influence is in understanding His calling and finding a cause congruent with that calling that gives us passion, conviction, joy and eternal impact.

These words may frustrate you because unlike me you do not lead the organization and those who do have not articulated a cause worth giving your life to. You are not alone but there is hope!

A cause worth giving our lives for starts with us. We are not dependent on others to determine God’s call on our lives. That is our responsibility! Once we know what that call is and how He has wired us, we live out that calling no matter where we are. This is particularly important for those who don’t yet have convergence between the strengths and passions God has implanted in them and their day to day work. We can live out His call vocationally or avocationally – the importance is that we are living it out. If it is truly His call and our passion we will find ways to answer that call no matter what we are doing vocationally!

Many people of deep influence live their lives in the secular workplace where they live out God’s call on their lives. They know that full time ministry is not the only way to impact our world and in fact, those who are in vocational ministry will often never touch the people and institutions they can touch. They are the Nehemiahs and Daniels and Esthers who have amazing influence because of their character and commitment to bring the ethics of the kingdom to the marketplace.

The fact is that entire organizations can be influenced and transformed when God’s people live out their cause in the marketplace. People are treated better, ethics are higher, excellence grows, and communities are made better because people of deep influence quietly live out their cause and God’s call on their lives.

If you are a part of a Christian organization, never underestimate your influence on the organization you are a part of in helping them come to clarity on their cause. Most leaders who don’t have a clearly defined cause would love to have one but need help getting there. Leadership can come from the bottom, the middle or the top if done wisely but persistently.

For years at the EFCA national office, I did not have a senior position but through my writing, relationships and the team I led I was able to have influence on the direction of our movement. In fact, position is not the key factor – influence is. Figure out how you can have influence and encourage missional clarity and a cause worth giving oneself to from whatever place you are in the organization.

There are times when it is worth looking for a different ministry organization to serve if you are convinced that they cannot come to clarity around a passionate cause, or that you will not find convergence between your strengths, wiring and call in the place you currently work. There are organizations that simply lack the will to live out a clear and passionate cause because it is far more comfortable to settle for what is rather than to press into what could and should be. I would not last very long in a comfortable organization and most people of deep influence will not.

The very fact that you are willing to look elsewhere may be a wake up call to your organization that not all is well. If it is not, it is confirmation that you made the right choice! The world has far too many sleepy and non missional congregations and ministries. Deep influence is rarely found there.

I am so passionate about the cause I am a part of that I have told my family that if anything ever happens to me in the pursuit of that cause that they should know that I left this earth a happy and fulfilled man. The cause of the gospel is worth that to me and the multiplication of Gospel centered churches that bring hope to the hopeless and transformation to communities is worth every bit of energy I expend and even my life. It is a cause that is God sized, eternity driven and worth the “prize” that Paul speaks of for all of us.

People of deep influence are driven by a cause greater than themselves and one that has eternal consequences. They are driven by the same passion that drove Jesus to take the hard road to Gethsemane. They never settle for a life of comfort over a life of influence and impact and if it comes to it, they are willing to pay the price for that which they are passionate about – whatever it may be. Do you have such a cause?

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Marginalization of the elders among us

One of the things that bothers me in the contemporary church is a tendency I see in some quarters to marginalize the generations that are older than us. 

America is a youth culture - it celebrates youth and many congregations have bought into that youth culture at the expense of our older generations who paved the way for us and who often pay the bills for us still today. Besides, what ever happened to all people matter to God? Since when do we not need the white hair generation to pass on some wisdom and experience to the youth of today? 

Now you may be thinking that I am just one of those cranky older folks since I am eligible for AARP (but not a member) at 57. I don't feel marginalized - yet, but I know many who do and I often wonder how those who do it (some pastors) will feel when they reach retirement. What I do know is that I no longer fit the targeted market of many churches. I am just glad Jesus does not have a target market as I might not fit it. Churches often seem to though.

All of God's people have a legacy to fill for as long as they are alive. The moment we marginalize them, pigeon hole them or treat them with a lack of respect and dignity we have lost our way. It is what the Pharisees did with various segments of the population. It is not what Jesus did. 

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Leadership and power

As a student of people, a leader, a leadership coach and an avid reader of biographies (including those in Scripture) I often think about the relationship of power and leading. I am convinced that power leaves no individual unscathed unless it is deliberately and continually managed and tempered because leadership includes the exercise of influence and power by its very nature.

We have all heard the adage that power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Most leaders would not want to think that the adage pertains to them. Certainly leaders I know are generally not corrupt. But, the ability of power to change us can be subtle and insidious. And dangerous.

Consider: because leaders are in a position of power over others it is possible for them to live with greater autonomy and lesser accountability than others. After all, it is a difficult thing to challenge someone who has your livelihood in their hands. The very nature of the relationship makes it so. I know many staff who wish they could say some things to their leader but do not feel the freedom to do so. Perhaps it is true for some of my own staff. Those who have authority over others have much more freedom to speak into the lives of those they lead than the other way around.

That sense of power and freedom can lead unhealthy places: no longer listening to others as we should; carelessness in how we treat others; skirting ethical edges knowing that we will not be called on it; hubris; believing our own press (usually not very objective); thinking ourselves better than we really are (most leaders do); isolation; lack of transparency and even honesty and the list could go on. Any student of leadership, leaders and history knows the story. And it is not pretty.

I am convinced that the greater our leadership platform the greater our need for deep introspection of our lives, an understanding of our fallenness, temptations, and predilections and the depth of relationships with others that can help keep us honest: really honest. Because power all too often leads to dishonesty - the ability we have to fool ourselves regarding our motivations and our actions.

Deeply introspective leaders are more aware and conscious of who they are, what drives them, what their shadow side is and how they need to manage that shadow side than leaders who hide behind the addiction of activity. Driven leaders are often running from themselves, while introspective leaders are driven to understand themselves and live in a place of health! Much of that introspection needs to be around how we manage living with influence and power while living in personal health and wholeness.

Here are some introspective questions leaders can ask of themselves:

• Are there any areas of my leadership life where I am skirting the ethical edge because I can?
• Have I lost the ability to be honest with myself about what drives and motivates me?
• Do I hold others to a standard that is different than the standard  I hold myself to?
• Do I give my staff complete freedom to approach me on any issue regarding my leadership? Do I foster an open and candid atmosphere where staff feel free to challenge me and to ask hard questions? Am I willing to give my staff the ability to give me feedback on my leadership?
• Is there any area where I am using my power or influence for personal gain rather than for missional effectiveness?
• Do my ends ever justify my means when it comes to accomplishing the mission?
• Have I allowed leadership to develop a "pride of place" in my life that has crowded out personal humility?
• Do I have a set of core leadership values or guiding principles that I can articulate for myself and hold myself accountable to?
• What safeguards have I built into my life to keep power from changing me?

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Focused Leadership

One of the great sins of leadership today - across the board - is a lack of focus on what is most important with the resulting diffusion of energy, resources and results.

There is a natural human tendency away from focused living which requires more work, greater discipline and better thinking. As Jim Collins says, good is the enemy of great. Great requires focus. Good requires less.

My observation is that team members take their cues regarding focus from their leader. The less focused the leader, the less focused others in the organization. The more focused the leader, the more disciplined and focused those who work on their team. This puts even more responsibility on ministry leaders to model intentional, disciplined and focused lives.

The central practice of focused life and work is one we we often do not like: Discipline. Focus requires discipline and discipline implies bringing our priorities, time, energy and choices into line with what we have been tasked to do.

Lack of focus is really about laziness - the opposite of discipline. We don't like that word either but it describes the root cause of a lack of focus. One can do good work and be relatively lazy. One cannot do great work without discipline.

There are two areas where those who lead need to be constantly vigilant about their focus.

The first is missional focus. It is very easy to forget that our ministry must always be about fulfilling our mission. Mission drift is where we unconsciously drift away from the mission of the organization and it happens all the time.

Focused leaders think about mission every single day and they constantly remind their team that everything they do is both about their mission and must contribute to the mission. The less a leader thinks and talks mission, the less their team will live it.

It is very easy for leaders to move from missional to organizational. To focus on organizational issues instead of missional issues. Why? It is easier. It requires less work and less thinking. Focused leaders do not allow their missional focus to slip into organizational focus.

The second discipline is that of focused choices. The most precious commodity we have is our time - we can never get it back. The choices we make with how we spend our time reveal the level of discipline of our lives.

Truly focused leaders make choices about their activities based on whether that activity is critical in achieving their mission and they often say no to the nice in order to spend time on the critical.

The choices and activities of many leaders are not consistent with a missional focus. They do a lot of stuff, but it is often not the stuff that is most critical to lead them or their team to missional effectiveness. Again it is easy to default to organizational activity rather than the activity that will lead to mission fulfillment.

Focused leaders are always evaluating their choices and activities against the mission of the organization and exercise great personal discipline to focus on what is truly important in the fulfillment of mission.

How focused are you on the mission?

How disciplined are you in your choices and activity?

Are these two in alignment?

Barriers to good and timely decision making

It is the same in ministry or business. There are a a predictable number of barriers that staff can face in making even routine decisions that disempower them, and make it difficult to make timely and good decisions. Wise leaders do all that they can to remove these barriers for the sake of their staff and the organization as a whole.

1. Not having the organizational clarity needed to know on what basis I can make a decision. Because organizational clarity defines who we are, where we are going and the non-negotiables, it gives me a framework with which to make good decisions. In its absence I can only guess.

2. Not having clear boundaries from my leader as to what I can decide and what needs upward clearance. This is a leadership issue but when there is not clarity on "decision making authority" staff must by definition either ask permission or forgiveness.

3. A culture of blame when something goes wrong. In such cultures, staff members are reluctant to make decisions for fear that if it goes wrong, they will take the heat. So the ubiquitous CYA attitude that pervades many organizations to their detriment.

4. A culture of control that insists that all decisions are cleared by the senior leader or his/her designate. Control comes from a lack of trust in those who work for you to make their own good decisions. It becomes a huge bottleneck to forward progress and disempowers good staff. This will always plateau an organization because it is not a scaleable process.

5. Bureaucracy that requires decisions to be made multiple times at multiple levels. It is the difference between General Motors and Toyota in terms of how they operated over the years. Bureaucracy is a means of trying to control in the absence of clarity by getting multiple parties and levels involved even in routine decision making.

This is all about what it means to empower others. They will often do things differently than we would but if it gets us to the same destination, what is the difference. The greater clarity your organization has the easier it is for good staff to make decisions based on that common clarity. And to avoid decisions that would violate the culture and ethos of the organization. 

Removing barriers to good and timely decisions is a critical factor in a growing organization. If you want to know that barriers there actually are, just ask your staff. We might learn something.

Paying greater attention to gifting when it comes to those we put into church leadership

We ought to pay closer attention to the difference between leadership and caring gifts. For instance, many congregations have a group tasked primarily with leadership issues (usually the senior board or council of a church). Another board, committee or group meets individual needs of members in times of illness, difficulty or crisis.

The primary gifts needed to fulfill the leadership function are fundamentally different from those needed to fulfill a caring function. People in crisis need caregivers who are high on mercy, understanding and patience. What they don't need (or want) are type A leaders who want to give them the five steps out of their crisis in the next 48 hours, if they would only get their act together!

Those with strong leadership gifts are often not great at "feeling your pain." When enmeshed in caring ministries, many leadership-gifted individuals want to get on with the stuff of vision, strategy and decision-making.

At the same time, many decisions that leaders make are going to cause someone or some group in the church to be unhappy. High mercy individuals often find conflict difficult, and leadership has its share of conflict (good and bad kinds). I have encountered high mercy types in senior leadership roles who feel totally out of their comfort zone. They serve because they were asked, but it is a painful and frustrating experience for them.

Perhaps one of the reasons so many churches in the United States are at a plateau or in decline is that we have not asked enough leaders to lead and have paid little attention to where we deploy individuals in relation to their God-given gift set. My experience is that nominating committees (or whoever are the gatekeepers for those asked to serve) receive little or no training in the whole process of giftedness. Yet they are the recruiters of people into key ministry roles.

In the marketplace, huge energy and money is expended to get the right people into the right spot based on abilities and wiring. In the church, far too little attention is paid to this, even though the New Testament clearly articulates the principle.

Strong leadership boards are made up of individuals who have leadership or administrative gifts within their gift set, are comfortable in their leadership role, are people of proven influence, and are willing to carry out all the New Testament-given functions of senior church leaders.

Thanking those who mentored and influenced you

None of us became who we without the influence of some significant individuals in our lives. All of us stand on the shoulders of others whether parents, mentors, influencers, spouses and friends. Each of them was a gift to us and should be considered precious to us because God used them in our lives to make us better than we would have been without them.

Have you ever thanked those who helped mold you? Each of them gave us a great gift. I can look to parents, close friends, colleagues, a key seminary professor, Christian leaders who engaged with me when I was young, even those I know from afar through their writing but who had a profound influence. None of us are "self made." We bear the lessons, influence and maturity of others whose  faith and life have rubbed off on us. We are all better because of it.

In our fast paced and self centered world, don't forget to thank those who helped shape you. It is easy to take them for granted but also sad. They were faithful in some way that made us who we are. Lets thank God for them and lets thank them. When we get to heaven we will realize how much others helped shape us. All of us stand on the shoulders of others. A grateful heart recognizes their influence and takes the time to thank them. I for one am very thankful for those who invested in me.

The high wire of faith

Contributing Writer

Mary Ann Addington

When our son Steven was in 5th grade I was asked to be a parent volunteer on a 3 day class trip to Wolfridge Environmental Learning Center in northeast Minnesota. One of the activities was a high ropes course. Starting from a walk across a balance beam sort of structure, the course builds up to a thirty foot high Burma Bridge and ends in a zip line back to the ground.

The Burma Bridge was the most intimidating because one walks across on a single cable. Even being hooked into a cable above your head and cables at your side, you still have to step out onto the single line. After I coaxed and encouraged about ten 5th graders to go over the Burma Bridge, one youngster turned to me and said, “Mrs. Addington! Now it is your turn!”

This was not what I had signed up for, but I could hardly chicken out after telling all the kids that they could do it. As I was on the platform trying to figure out if there was any way out of stepping onto the cable, my fan club stood below. “Mrs. Addington, we know you can do it!” “Come on, Mrs. Addington, you helped us do it!”

With trepidation I take my first step out the cable holds and the line above is still hooked in. About half way across I even breathed enough to notice that above the trees I could see Lake Superior off in the distance. And to the delight of my fan club below I actually made it across the cable and back to terra firma.

Living by faith when life comes undone is much like walking the Bermuda Bridge. The cable is hard to walk, it is a long way down, and every step forward requires balance and the faith that the cable will hold and that the safety ropes can be trusted.

The first steps are the hardest but there comes a place where we actually start to breathe again. While we would never willingly sign up for it, we learn that we can take the step of faith, put our weight on the line and that the cable will hold the safety ropes hold.

Living on the wire of faith means sticking to the confidence that God is in control and can be trusted even when all evidence is to the contrary. During T.J.’s initial illness, I would be irritated with people who would say over and over how hard this must have been on his dad because he was a doctor and understood how sick Tim was.

I would think, “This is true, but give me some credit!” I am an RN with ER and ICU experience and had done of lot of research on MRSA and ARDS. I knew that this was really, really bad. There were numbers on his monitor that were worse than I had ever seen- except on someone who was dying. I could tell by the body language of the nursing and medical staff that they thought I was in lala land when I spoke of discharge planning.

Every night I would go to sleep at night listening to Lincoln Brewster’s “Another Hallelujah” and had to tell God that this would be my response to whatever happened the next day. Every day was like taking another step of faith on the high ropes, choosing to trust God.

I had to train myself to move from fear to trust countless times during the long ICU ordeal. “Fear not” is the most repeated command in all of Scripture because it is so easy to live in fear rather than in faith. It is a choice we make and it is really about whether we focus on our undoneness or on God.

My worst day in T.J.’s first ordeal in the ICU was when I received a call from his sister telling me to get to his room right away because his stats were terrible. I rushed back to the hospital from a nearby restaurant to find T.J.’s heart beating at 240 beats per minute. This was on top of his massive pneumonia, ARDS, septic shock and a failed mitral valve in his heart. His heart was desperately trying to compensate for the mitral valve failure and get oxygen to his organs.

The nurses hustled me out of the room so they could try and shock his heart back into rhythm. I went to a nearby room where I could see what was happening overwhelmed with fear. This was the worst it could be. Humanly speaking, T.J.’s heart would just give up. They could not do surgery to mend the mitral valve because he would not survive the surgery. It was God’s intervention or death. And that intervention had to be quick.

Sitting in that alcove watching the medical personnel around T.J.’s bed I wrestled with fear and faith in a way I had never done before. God had told me that it would be close but he would make it. Could I really believe that in the face of what I was watching? Was that rational? Could God really be trusted? Had I heard him right? This was one of the cases when the medical personnel would not even make eye contact with me because they knew the inevitable outcome. Indescribably fear gripped my whole body. I felt like I was about to go into a free fall from the high wire and there were no safety lines attached.

I chose faith over fear as hard as that was watching what I was watching. The staff were not able to shock T.J.’s heart back into rhythm and we knew that unless the mitral valve was healed there was no way he would survive. We put an urgent call for a day of prayer and fasting specifically asking for a miracle to heal the mitral valve. Across the globe those watching the blog (over 10,000 individual users) stormed the gates of heaven boldly asking for an outright miracle. Within that twenty four hour period it started to slowly heal! He was not out of the woods by any means but God was true to the words He had given me.

To this day, when T.J. visits his cardiologist he shakes his head and says, “How did you dodge that bullet?” They were certain that he would need surgery to repair the valve when he was well enough to have it – if he survived. On his most recent visit, the cardiologist told T.J. he did not need to come back.

One of the hard things is that God does not always do what we wish He would do. His ways are sovereign and we will not always understand His plans or purposes for our lives. But we always have the choice of focusing on Him or focusing on our circumstances. Our circumstances are unpredictable but His is always faithful. It is the choice we make between fear and faith when life comes undone.

God loves it when we choose to trust him! And it is as much as a choice as when we put our full weight on the cable and begin that hard walk. Trusting does not mean that we know how everything will turn out, but that we live in the confidence that God loves us like we love our kids and that He is in control. Trusting God brings peace, even when that does not seem logical.

Isaiah 26:3 has been up on my bathroom mirror since December of 2007:
You will keep in perfect peace

him whose mind is steadfast,

because he trusts in you.

It is not about me! It is about keeping my mind and emotions focused on who God is. It is not about whether I have done all the right things, or even that I am trusting the right way. It is about keeping our minds steadfast on who God said He is and what He has promised to do which includes peace when all evidence says that cannot happen. Life on the high ropes is not about us- it is all about God, His grace, and our simple trust in Him. It’s putting our weight on the wire one step at a time.