In an ironic twist from the humble and servant leadership of Christ there are many in Christian leadership in the church and elsewhere (lay and professional) who are driven more by ego and personal success than by a desire to see the Gospel advanced. The Gospel becomes the means by which personal success is achieved rather than the Gospel being the primary objective of their leadership. As a psychologist lamented to me recently, "Why are there so many ego driven and narcissistic leaders in Christian ministry?"
What are the signs of ego driven ministry?
First, it is obvious to those around ego driven leaders that it is about "them" and that the relentless drive for better and bigger is about their leader's success rather than the accomplishment of the mission or serving their team.
Second, ego driven leaders often drive their staff rather than serving and growing their staff as they are the means to their success. When staff feel used, it is a sign that this is about the leader rather than about the mission.
Third, ego driven leaders take credit for success and blame others for failure. They may not do this overtly (that would not look good) but they find ways to inflate their own effectiveness and deflect responsibility for failures.
Fourth, ego driven leaders often exaggerate the actual results of their ministries. Any time the stated results don't match the actual results there is eqo inflation going on. This is ubiquitous in missions!
Fifth, ego driven leaders don't empower their staff but rather control them. After all, it is about them and they want to ensure that it stays about them. Empowerment means giving responsibility, authority and therefore credit for results away.
Sixth, ego driven leaders don't often cooperate with other ministries. If it is not their idea it is not worthy of pursuing. They guard the ability to say "we did this," or "this was our idea."
Seventh, ego driven leaders are highly territorial. There is competition with other ministries as if there were a limited amount of gospel results to be had. Further, they actually believe that they have a corner on the market of how they do what they do.
Eighth, the actions and attitudes of ego driven leaders often do not match their spiritual language. Outsiders may not know the gap but insiders are well aware and the gap breeds cynicism.
Ninth, ego driven leaders give little attention to the contributions of other people to the cause of the kingdom. Their attention, focus and energy is all focused on themselves and their ministry. When talking about other ministries they often find subtle ways to denigrate the strategy and results of others. The putting down of others allows them to inflate themselves.
Tenth, ego driven leaders are not open to criticism, dialogue or feedback regarding their own behavior or leadership. Because it is about them they are not open to the feedback of others if is deemed critical. There is a high defensive mechanism. This means that strong leaders around them do not last long because their input is not welcome. Those who will cater to their egos, however, are always welcome.
My advice for those who work for ego driven leaders? Consider finding another leader to work for whose true focus is the advancement of the kingdom rather than the advancement of themselves and their ego's. Why? because using the gospel as the advancement mechanism for ourselves is anathema to everything Jesus taught about leadership in His kingdom. It is never about us. It is always about Him. Something for every leader to think about.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Truth and Lies
"When does a lie begin?
A lie, Rabbi Fajner would say, has no beginning. A lie runs downwards like a rootlet, branching an infinite number of times. But if you trace the rootlets down, you never find a moment of inspiration and vision, only overwhelming desperation and despair.
A lie always begins with denial.
Something has happened - yet you do not want to admit that it has.
That is how a lie begins."
From The Emperor of lies: A Novel
How true! and as we all know, how destructive. There is something pure and liberating and freeing in the truth while lies begin in desperation and despair and lead to great pain. No wonder truthfulness is part of God's character (and fullness of life) while lies are part of Satan's character and the diminishing of life (John 10:10). As Rabbi Fajner said, "If you trace the rootlets down, you never find a moment of inspiration and vision, only overwhelming desperation and despair.
Lies are sinful remnants of our lower nature that can be traced back to the "father of lies." They are destructive because they not only start us on a trial of lies (one lie births another and another and another by necessity) but in their telling we lose something precious in us (integrity which is based in truth) and when exposed something precious with others (trust which is based in truth). Our own inner cohesiveness, health and personal integrity are based on truth which is why those who live with lies live with inner turmoil and fractured hearts. Why do lies make us feel soiled? Because they are so antithetical to the character of God and they violate the dim reflection we still have of being made in his image.
A reading of Proverbs highlights how central truth is to the character of God. The more truth we speak to ourselves about who we are, what motives drive us, where our sinful tendencies lie and where our lives need reformation, the more like God we become. Speaking truth to ourselves is the precursor to speaking truth to others and those who lie to others have first lied to themselves. Where do lies start? They start in the heart by lying to ourselves.
Lies never start well because they start in the heart and they never end well because when our heart is revealed our integrity is gone. Even hidden they cause inner destruction because lying to ourselves and others erodes our inner lives. We know we have violated truth and nurturing that violation eats away at our soul. Truth wins in every way. Truth telling to ourselves and others brings us closer to God the father of truth. Telling lies to ourselves or others separates us from the father of truth and mirrors the father of lies.
A lie, Rabbi Fajner would say, has no beginning. A lie runs downwards like a rootlet, branching an infinite number of times. But if you trace the rootlets down, you never find a moment of inspiration and vision, only overwhelming desperation and despair.
A lie always begins with denial.
Something has happened - yet you do not want to admit that it has.
That is how a lie begins."
From The Emperor of lies: A Novel
How true! and as we all know, how destructive. There is something pure and liberating and freeing in the truth while lies begin in desperation and despair and lead to great pain. No wonder truthfulness is part of God's character (and fullness of life) while lies are part of Satan's character and the diminishing of life (John 10:10). As Rabbi Fajner said, "If you trace the rootlets down, you never find a moment of inspiration and vision, only overwhelming desperation and despair.
Lies are sinful remnants of our lower nature that can be traced back to the "father of lies." They are destructive because they not only start us on a trial of lies (one lie births another and another and another by necessity) but in their telling we lose something precious in us (integrity which is based in truth) and when exposed something precious with others (trust which is based in truth). Our own inner cohesiveness, health and personal integrity are based on truth which is why those who live with lies live with inner turmoil and fractured hearts. Why do lies make us feel soiled? Because they are so antithetical to the character of God and they violate the dim reflection we still have of being made in his image.
A reading of Proverbs highlights how central truth is to the character of God. The more truth we speak to ourselves about who we are, what motives drive us, where our sinful tendencies lie and where our lives need reformation, the more like God we become. Speaking truth to ourselves is the precursor to speaking truth to others and those who lie to others have first lied to themselves. Where do lies start? They start in the heart by lying to ourselves.
Lies never start well because they start in the heart and they never end well because when our heart is revealed our integrity is gone. Even hidden they cause inner destruction because lying to ourselves and others erodes our inner lives. We know we have violated truth and nurturing that violation eats away at our soul. Truth wins in every way. Truth telling to ourselves and others brings us closer to God the father of truth. Telling lies to ourselves or others separates us from the father of truth and mirrors the father of lies.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The Lens through which we view life
It is fascinating to watch the lenses through which individuals see life. Some see the cup half full, others half empty. Some are by nature pessimists and some optimists. There are those who approach relationships with trust while others mistrust. When colleagues do something unhelpful, there are those who instantly assume ill motives and those who don't. These reactions are a reflection of our personality, our family of origin and experiences of life. All of us have a set of lenses that filter our view of life, people and situations and none of us has perfect vision but some have better vision than others. And, all of us can grow toward clearer and healthier lenses.
Part of our Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is understanding the default reactions we have to people and situations and to work on modifying or managing that default when we know it is not helpful or accurate. It is not unusual, for instance, when someone does something that irritates us to assume they had an ill motives in their actions. That default reaction is often incorrect and learning to withhold judgement until we understand why they did what they did is healthier EQ than drawing conclusions without the full information.
Think of how often married couples make assumptions about words or actions of their spouse that are not accurate but which cause friction or conflict because of assumptions we make. I plead guilty! Often our default reactions are faulty.
Our default reactions are particularly evident when we are under stress which brings out either the best or worst in us. How often we wish we could modify some of those reactions! Understanding what our default reactions are and what pushes our buttons toward those reactions that are unhelpful allows us to be aware and modify those reactions in the future.
Healthy individuals learn to be self aware of their default assumptions and reactions and to modify the unhealthy words, emotions and behaviors that those default reactions trigger. It is high self awareness coupled with the self discipline to respond more slowly, thoughtfully and wisely in those situations where we know we are at risk of responding poorly. I have learned for instance that keeping my emotions in check when someone pushes my buttons also keeps my responses in check but it has had to be learned and practiced.
Becoming aware of the lenses which we wear and the default reactions we have to people and situations gives us the opportunity to modify our attitudes and behaviors that are problematic. It is all about EQ - and personal growth.
Part of our Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is understanding the default reactions we have to people and situations and to work on modifying or managing that default when we know it is not helpful or accurate. It is not unusual, for instance, when someone does something that irritates us to assume they had an ill motives in their actions. That default reaction is often incorrect and learning to withhold judgement until we understand why they did what they did is healthier EQ than drawing conclusions without the full information.
Think of how often married couples make assumptions about words or actions of their spouse that are not accurate but which cause friction or conflict because of assumptions we make. I plead guilty! Often our default reactions are faulty.
Our default reactions are particularly evident when we are under stress which brings out either the best or worst in us. How often we wish we could modify some of those reactions! Understanding what our default reactions are and what pushes our buttons toward those reactions that are unhelpful allows us to be aware and modify those reactions in the future.
Healthy individuals learn to be self aware of their default assumptions and reactions and to modify the unhealthy words, emotions and behaviors that those default reactions trigger. It is high self awareness coupled with the self discipline to respond more slowly, thoughtfully and wisely in those situations where we know we are at risk of responding poorly. I have learned for instance that keeping my emotions in check when someone pushes my buttons also keeps my responses in check but it has had to be learned and practiced.
Becoming aware of the lenses which we wear and the default reactions we have to people and situations gives us the opportunity to modify our attitudes and behaviors that are problematic. It is all about EQ - and personal growth.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Subversive Spirituality
There is a dark side to spirituality especially among Christian leaders. It is a form of spirituality that is actually subversive to our walk with God and is often the cause of the undoing of leaders. To those around us it can look impressive, sacrificial and spiritual but all the while it is robbing us of the very spiritual nurture that we need to feed our souls.
Recently I had lunch with a former leader whose life had come undone in a major way. He literally crashed and burned and in the process lost his job, his marriage and for a long time his way in life. Today he is deeply reflective about how he got to where he was and it revolves around a subversive spirituality that fooled him, others and was the cause of his undoing.
Like many evangelicals he had a performance based relationship with Christ which caused him to throw himself into his ministry leadership role in a subconscious effort to win God's approval - and probably the approval of others. Like many, he had a lot to prove by being successful. In the process he started to neglect his inner life, margin and he discovered too late, his marriage. In the name of ministry and serving Christ he kept running faster and faster, until life simply unravelled. He went from running a world wide ministry to bagging groceries at a local supermarket.
I asked him what he had learned through the process. He told me that he understands now that his identity cannot be found in his ministry but in Christ alone. He now has a rhythm of life where once a month he spends a day alone with God in a spiritual retreat. He has become deeply introspective regarding his life and walk with God and has surrounded himself with other men who challenge him and provide mutual accountability. Over the past several years he has focused on making his relationship with God central and ensuring that he has the margin to do so.
My observation is that subversive spirituality - a form of spirituality that looks good but is in fact detrimental and even toxic infects many Christian leaders and is a threat to us all. At its core is the pattern of working hard in ministry to the detriment of our inner life. Doing things for God at the cost of being with God. Overloading our schedules at the cost of time for thinking, introspection, and time with the Father. Believing subconsciously that God's favor is dependent on how well we serve Him when what He first and really wants is us. Allowing our identity to be in our ministry or position rather than in our sonship as a family member of His family. All of these are dangerous, toxic and subversive substitutes for the most important: a healthy relationship with God, with family and with others. Our "importance" and public ministry fool us into thinking that all is well and our schedules mask the emptiness of our personal walk with God.
How do we prevent a subversive spirituality from fooling us? I have several suggestions.
Recently I had lunch with a former leader whose life had come undone in a major way. He literally crashed and burned and in the process lost his job, his marriage and for a long time his way in life. Today he is deeply reflective about how he got to where he was and it revolves around a subversive spirituality that fooled him, others and was the cause of his undoing.
Like many evangelicals he had a performance based relationship with Christ which caused him to throw himself into his ministry leadership role in a subconscious effort to win God's approval - and probably the approval of others. Like many, he had a lot to prove by being successful. In the process he started to neglect his inner life, margin and he discovered too late, his marriage. In the name of ministry and serving Christ he kept running faster and faster, until life simply unravelled. He went from running a world wide ministry to bagging groceries at a local supermarket.
I asked him what he had learned through the process. He told me that he understands now that his identity cannot be found in his ministry but in Christ alone. He now has a rhythm of life where once a month he spends a day alone with God in a spiritual retreat. He has become deeply introspective regarding his life and walk with God and has surrounded himself with other men who challenge him and provide mutual accountability. Over the past several years he has focused on making his relationship with God central and ensuring that he has the margin to do so.
My observation is that subversive spirituality - a form of spirituality that looks good but is in fact detrimental and even toxic infects many Christian leaders and is a threat to us all. At its core is the pattern of working hard in ministry to the detriment of our inner life. Doing things for God at the cost of being with God. Overloading our schedules at the cost of time for thinking, introspection, and time with the Father. Believing subconsciously that God's favor is dependent on how well we serve Him when what He first and really wants is us. Allowing our identity to be in our ministry or position rather than in our sonship as a family member of His family. All of these are dangerous, toxic and subversive substitutes for the most important: a healthy relationship with God, with family and with others. Our "importance" and public ministry fool us into thinking that all is well and our schedules mask the emptiness of our personal walk with God.
How do we prevent a subversive spirituality from fooling us? I have several suggestions.
- Regardless of our job we should not be fooled into thinking that we are indispensable. We are not! We are far less important than we think we are.
- Constantly remind ourselves that our identity is not in our ministry position but in our relationship with Christ.
- Ensure that there is margin in our lives for family, friends and God.
- Surround ourselves with some healthy people who will tell us the truth and provide accountability through relationship.
- Don't fool ourselves that our insane schedules are somehow proof of our importance or spirituality. Sometimes they are just proof of our foolishness and inner need to prove something to ourselves or others. Running fast can be a way of coping with what we know is an inner deficit.
- Develop a deeply introspective nature that probes our own motivations, sin, shadow side and schedules to ensure that we don't believe the lies of a subversive spirituality.
- Slow down. It is in the silence that we face our true selves, hear the voice of God and realign our thinking.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
The amazing power of focus
What makes the difference between two equally gifted individuals, one of whom sees significant results from their work (and life in general) while the other does not? Often the answer is simple but profound: The productive individual has far greater focus to what they do in life while the less productive individuals energies are diffused by the lack of focus.
Focus is all about understanding what is important to us today, this week, this month or this year and then organizing our time and energies around what is important rather than being distracted by the less important. It is the discipline of prioritizing the most important things we need to accomplish from all the things we could give our attention to and then having the discipline to schedule those priorities first. That means we say yes to a few important things and no to many less important things.
My guess is that we would all agree with the above definition of focus. Why, then is focus so difficult - we all struggle with keeping focused. The answer I think is pretty simple. First because it takes more intentionality and discipline to be focused than it does to live with lack of focus. Second, there are always pressures from those around us who have agendas for our lives, and third, it is simply harder to focus than it is to allow ourselves to be distracted by the good at the expense of the best.
So why bother? Many don't! But those who do simply accomplish more than those who don't. They live with greater satisfaction knowing that they are doing what really counts and their focus spills over to family, ministry and all that is really important in life. This is not about working harder, it is about working smarter and in doing so we actually end up with more time for non work activities.
We have one life to live and we ought to live it well. God has given us specific gifts and we ought to steward those gifts. Jesus did not live accidentally but intentionally and so should we. Our greatest joy comes when we live out God's call on our lives but like all other things that takes focus and intentionality. The more focused we are the better we are in all areas of life: our work, our marriage, our ministry, and our personal walk. Focus is powerful.
Focus is all about understanding what is important to us today, this week, this month or this year and then organizing our time and energies around what is important rather than being distracted by the less important. It is the discipline of prioritizing the most important things we need to accomplish from all the things we could give our attention to and then having the discipline to schedule those priorities first. That means we say yes to a few important things and no to many less important things.
My guess is that we would all agree with the above definition of focus. Why, then is focus so difficult - we all struggle with keeping focused. The answer I think is pretty simple. First because it takes more intentionality and discipline to be focused than it does to live with lack of focus. Second, there are always pressures from those around us who have agendas for our lives, and third, it is simply harder to focus than it is to allow ourselves to be distracted by the good at the expense of the best.
So why bother? Many don't! But those who do simply accomplish more than those who don't. They live with greater satisfaction knowing that they are doing what really counts and their focus spills over to family, ministry and all that is really important in life. This is not about working harder, it is about working smarter and in doing so we actually end up with more time for non work activities.
We have one life to live and we ought to live it well. God has given us specific gifts and we ought to steward those gifts. Jesus did not live accidentally but intentionally and so should we. Our greatest joy comes when we live out God's call on our lives but like all other things that takes focus and intentionality. The more focused we are the better we are in all areas of life: our work, our marriage, our ministry, and our personal walk. Focus is powerful.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Steve Jobs and our personal legacies
The news of Steve Jobs death at a young age causes all of us to think about our own mortality and the legacy we will leave. His legacy is amazing! Few people have changed the way so many people do life. My music comes from I Tunes, my reading today is largely on the I Pad, and my I Phone goes wherever I go. Steve was a creative force second to none. And he handled his illness with great dignity.
One of my passions is that all of God's people would realize that they too can leave a great and lasting legacy, one more significant than Steve Jobs because unlike technology (which I love) that will not transcend this world, our legacy can last for all eternity. It is found in the lives we touch, those we introduce to Jesus, and the ripples of spiritual influence that will go on and on from us till the time when Jesus returns. Every time a life is changed by Jesus, an eternal legacy is born.
One of the reasons I am passionate about missions is that I know that through my investment in sharing the Gospel globally I will leave behind a lasting and eternal legacy that touches many nations. There will be little notice when I leave this life, unlike Steve Jobs but I will spend eternity with the joy that many are there because of my commitment to sharing God's Good News in this life. And every one of us can share in that legacy.
We underestimate the impact that our lives have when we simply ripple on those in our circle of influence for Jesus. We will be surprised when we meet Jesus and He says "Well done, good and faithful servant" and we realize that our seemingly normal and inconsequential lives (from a fame standpoint) had an amazing eternal impact. We will realize that acts of kindness and ministry and love that we live out as a normal part of our everyday lives had a cumulative effect for Jesus that we had never imagined.
Never underestimate the legacy you will leave. If our lives are lived faithfully with a focus on pleasing our Lord, it will be greater than you could ever imagine. And it will last for eternity. Because of Jesus, our legacies can transcend even that of amazing people like Steve Jobs.
One of my passions is that all of God's people would realize that they too can leave a great and lasting legacy, one more significant than Steve Jobs because unlike technology (which I love) that will not transcend this world, our legacy can last for all eternity. It is found in the lives we touch, those we introduce to Jesus, and the ripples of spiritual influence that will go on and on from us till the time when Jesus returns. Every time a life is changed by Jesus, an eternal legacy is born.
One of the reasons I am passionate about missions is that I know that through my investment in sharing the Gospel globally I will leave behind a lasting and eternal legacy that touches many nations. There will be little notice when I leave this life, unlike Steve Jobs but I will spend eternity with the joy that many are there because of my commitment to sharing God's Good News in this life. And every one of us can share in that legacy.
We underestimate the impact that our lives have when we simply ripple on those in our circle of influence for Jesus. We will be surprised when we meet Jesus and He says "Well done, good and faithful servant" and we realize that our seemingly normal and inconsequential lives (from a fame standpoint) had an amazing eternal impact. We will realize that acts of kindness and ministry and love that we live out as a normal part of our everyday lives had a cumulative effect for Jesus that we had never imagined.
Never underestimate the legacy you will leave. If our lives are lived faithfully with a focus on pleasing our Lord, it will be greater than you could ever imagine. And it will last for eternity. Because of Jesus, our legacies can transcend even that of amazing people like Steve Jobs.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
One intentional act of kindness in Jesus name
What would happen if we challenged our congregations to engage in one act of kindness in Jesus' name every week? Just one intentional act toward a friend, neighbor, co-worker or even stranger they come across? One act of kindness where we go out of our way to extend grace, help, give a kind word, pray with them, write a note of encouragement, walk across the street to engage a neighbor in conversation, provide a needed meal or meet a need. One intentional act of kindness in Jesus' name.
It sounds inconsequential but we can wrap our heads around one intentional act of kindness a week - where we go out of our way to meet a need. And, we start looking for that opportunity and who knows, maybe a mindset would set in that we could even do this more often. Multiply that one intentional act by 52 weeeks and the number of folks in our congregation and all of a sudden one has critical mass.
Our lives are busy and our weeks are often packed with more activities than we can stuff into them. Committing to just one intentional act of kindness toward others in the course of our week starts to raise our awareness of the needs of others and the opportunities we have to minister to them. It may also change our mindset over time and if a whole congregation did it together and shared their experiences it would be powerful.
Think about it for your life, or your church. One intentional act of kindness each week in Jesus' name. Just one. Soon you won't settle for only one!
It sounds inconsequential but we can wrap our heads around one intentional act of kindness a week - where we go out of our way to meet a need. And, we start looking for that opportunity and who knows, maybe a mindset would set in that we could even do this more often. Multiply that one intentional act by 52 weeeks and the number of folks in our congregation and all of a sudden one has critical mass.
Our lives are busy and our weeks are often packed with more activities than we can stuff into them. Committing to just one intentional act of kindness toward others in the course of our week starts to raise our awareness of the needs of others and the opportunities we have to minister to them. It may also change our mindset over time and if a whole congregation did it together and shared their experiences it would be powerful.
Think about it for your life, or your church. One intentional act of kindness each week in Jesus' name. Just one. Soon you won't settle for only one!
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