Choosing a healthy path even when others don't

Many people work in organizations that have significant issues, or attend churches with the same. Welcome to our world which made up of people is highly imperfect. While I wish we all were in healthy workplaces or churches we are not. That being said, we always have a choice: Do I contribute to dysfunction or to health?

The issue is not whether there will be dysfunction in my church or place of work - that is a fact of life. The issue is whether I will deliberately and consistently choose healthy attitudes and practices in spite of what others around me are doing. That is my choice!

Truly healthy individuals simply choose a healthy path even when others don't.

Think about the choices we have:

• I choose whether I get pulled into other people's stuff or avoid triangulation.
• I choose whether I engage in gossip and the putting down of others or choose only to speak well of others.
• I choose whether I keep short accounts in relationships or allow bitterness and conflict to fester unresolved.
• I choose whether I am honest and transparent while still being diplomatic and kind or whether I am cynical and angry.
• I choose whether I live with personal integrity or skirt the edges.

The powerful common denominator in all this is that we always have a choice. No matter how dysfunctional our surroundings we always have a choice. That is empowering to us and powerful in its influence with others.

It is also very freeing. Getting wrapped up in bad attitudes, unhappiness, emotional triangles, unresolved conflict are all massive energy wasters and bondage makers. Choosing a healthy path is freeing. It is also a quiet but powerful influence for health when things are not healthy.

We have far more power over our circumstances and attitudes than we often think. And more influence than we know if we will choose a healthy path even when others don't!

That individual is really odd!

Most churches have them. Odd people. Socially awkward, little self awareness and once they latch on to you it may take another to rescue you from a conversation that has no end.

I meet them often because they like to speak to the one who delivered the message. They always have something to say even if it is not immediately evident as to what their point is.

It is easy to dismiss them. But remember! Jesus never did. They are made in His image no less than me or you. And the thing about the church is that at the foot of the cross we are all equal.

The test of our love is not how we love those that are easy to love or that are like us. It is how we love those who may be harder to love from a human standpoint. 

Jesus attracts misfits and the needy! It is who He is because with Him everyone is important, everyone who desires it finds acceptance and grace. The question is whether we accept and love those he accepts and loves. He attracts those the world rejects - for whatever reason. 

If the one place some folks find dignity and love and acceptance is the church - that is as it should be. Truth is, we are all odd in one way or another. Thankfully it does not matter to Christ.

Before you make someone a supervisor, ask and answer these 7 questions

It is a common scenario: Someone does well in their job so we assume that they should be promoted to a place where they supervise others. This is not a good assumption. Some individuals who are wonderfully equipped in what they do are terribly equipped to supervise and in putting them in that role we both hurt them and those who end up reporting to them.

So, before you make someone a supervisor, ask these seven questions.

One: Are they wired to lead others?
Some people are wired as "individual producers" rather than as "organizational leaders." To illustrate, an individual producer is like the car salesman who has the skill to engage customers, help them find the best car and make the sale. It is an individual kind of job. Contrast that with the sales manager whose job it is to lead the team of salespeople. These are two different skill sets entirely. 

Two: Do they have the skills to help staff succeed?
The primary job of a supervisor is to ensure that their staff are successful at what they do. There is a skill to helping others succeed rather than focusing primarily on our own success. If they do not possess this skill, do you have the training to ensure that they learn the skill?

Three: Do they have the ability to empower others and delegate both responsibility and appropriate authority?
Unfortunately, many leaders believe that leadership is about telling people what to do and how to do it rather than empowering others to figure out what needs to be done and how to do it. Empowering others means that we define clear boundaries and then delegate appropriate responsibility and authority. Those who are unable to do so should never be put in supervisory roles.

Four: Do they love to help develop others? 
Leaders, managers and supervisors are successful when those they lead are successful. This means that the best have a high commitment to the development of people they lead. They want them to become all that they can be and be constantly sharpening their skills and abilities. Great leaders get great satisfaction out of developing their staff. And staff love to work for those who care deeply about them.

Five: Do they have a clear job description as to what their responsibilities as a supervisor are?
It amazes me how many organizations do not clarify with supervisors what is expected of them in this role. In our organization, for instance, we expect all leaders to have a personal development plan, to build a strong team, develop appropriate strategy, develop their people and mobilize necessary resources. In my view you cannot supervise well without doing these five things.

Six: Do they have a coach to ensure that their transition to a supervisory role goes well?
Moving from a concern about "my work" to a concern about "the teams" work is a significant jump. It requires a different set of competencies, skills and priorities. Having a coach along side of you in this transition can make the difference between success and failure.

Seven: Do they want to supervise?
Why ask the question? Because if someone is not motivated to do what has been described above, they will not make for good supervisors. Too often we push people to take a supervisory role to the detriment of those who end up reporting to them. If they don't want the role, never put them in the role.

Humility is the key to long term success

There are many advantages to cultivating a heart of humility. Among them is the truth that it is a crucial key to long term success whether personally, in our ministry or business. Think about this:

Without humility we don't grow personally because we are not open to the feedback of others or even the necessary introspection of ourselves. If we don't want to hear what we need to hear we cannot grow, change and become a better version of us. Pride can even keep us from hearing what the Holy Spirit wants to tell us.

Without humility we are not open to seeing new ways of doing things (unless we come up with them ourselves). Pride says that we don't need the ideas of others while humility says that we know we don't know a lot and have much to learn.

Without humility we are unlikely to resolve conflict and live in relational health. After all, if I am fundamentally right, why would I need to ask forgiveness or admit that I was wrong? This is why proud individuals often leave relational wreckage in their wake. Their pride keeps them from resolving what needs to be resolved.

Without humility we are unlikely to see the spiritual transformation and renovation of our lives and hearts. After all, that very transformation depends on our understanding of our need for it and the turning from our own way to His way. To the extent that we allow pride to reign on our heart's throne we will resist admitting our need for change.

Without humility I am unlikely to treat others with the respect and consideration that they deserve. After all, if I am wrapped up in me - my needs, my desires, my issues, how can I be sensitive to those of others. Humility opens our hearts to others while pride closes our hearts to others.

Without humility I am unlikely to create a healthy staff and workplace ethos. After all, that is all about serving others and proud individuals think that others ought to serve them. Pride is a fundamental barrier to healthy workplace cultures while humility is a fundamental builder of healthy culture.

Humility is not just a nice biblical concept. It is fundamental to our personal growth and success. And, it mirrors the character of Jesus, Philippians 2. 

When you need to digest bad news

From time to time, organizational leaders need to face and digest bad news. There is always the temptation to become defensive, to want to minimize what we are hearing or to ignore it altogether. We may feel that we have failed or have not led well. This is precisely when we need some values to fall back on and I often fall back on four specific values that help me hear, digest and deal with bad news.

The first is that "I have nothing to prove and nothing to lose." If that is true, I don't need to prove that I am right, nor do I lose if I am wrong. It is a freeing way to live as I don't need to become defensive, don't need to defend or be right. It is a humble position that allows us to grow.

The second value is "autopsy without blame." I am less concerned with who is responsible for what has happened than I am in understanding what has happened and learning from the situation. In most cases, it is not about blame but about making key observations, understand why something has happened and then figure out a way forward.

The third value I live by when there is bad news can be understood by the phrase, "Do not underestimate my resolve." Once we know that there is something we need to resolve and move toward, we are committed to going there no matter what. It is the commitment to do the right thing even when feels inconvenient.

A fourth truth is that "What got us to here got us to here. It will not get us to there. Organizations must periodically reimagine the future and realize that many of our methodologies, paradigms and strategies need to change to get to the next level of ministry success. Thus in the face of bad news we need open minds as to what is best as we look to the future.

Bad news can actually be good news if we learn from it, grow from it and get better because of it. But, that all depends on our own ability to face it and deal with it in a healthy way.

When theology divides rather than Christ uniting

In His high priestly prayer of John 17, Jesus prayed for the same kind of unity between believers that He and the Father experienced. In fact he is very explicit: "I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one - I in them and you in me - so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them as you have loved me" (John 17:22-23).

In Ephesians 4:1-6, Paul makes the same plea: "As a prisoner for the Lord, then I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called: one Lord, one Faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all."

With this kind of priority on the unity of the body, why do we so often allow theology to divide us in the church? I am not talking about liberal vs. evangelical for there are hallmarks of orthodoxy that have been accepted since the early church. What I am talking about are both pastors and parishioners who finely parse doctrine, insist that their theological grid is the right one and in attitude, words and spirit marginalize those who don't agree with them. 

Do we not think Jesus knew that there would be differences among His people when He explicitly prayed that they would be one? Do we not betray His will and prayer when we in the words of Paul are not humble and gentle and patient and bear with our differences in love?

And among Christian leaders as well! How is John MacArthur living this desire by Jesus when he publicly declares war on all things he considers "charismatic?" By his broad definition he has declared war on me as well. Or those who have branded Rick Warren as a heretic. Can we not disagree with one another on theological issues within the broad tent of orthodoxy and still live with humble unity? When I see evangelicals doing battle with other evangelicals in a way that divides I conclude that their version of truth is more important to them than the wishes of Jesus! 

I have watched this play out in local congregations as well. The word and various interpretations become weapons wielded against one another, dividing rather than uniting. Often in working with troubled churches the correspondence between members or leaders is full of Scriptural references as if every point can be proven and position defended with a verse. These salvos that go back and forth are not really about the Bible but about pride and often a misuse of spiritual authority to keep someone in their place. And how do you respond when you are now arguing with God?

Within the broad evangelical tent we will have our theological differences and convictions. Within a local church we will as well. But when those differences become divisive we need to examine our hearts carefully for we have now stepped over a line from disagreement to disunity. Furthermore, Paul's admonition of humility is one we need to take seriously. How do I know that my theological position is absolutely right? Might my perspective be flawed as well? When dealing with the depths of God and the nuances of His character and plan for our world, no theological system can do Him justice. On some things we see through a glass darkly.

Jesus unites us in a common gospel which is good news for our world through a common Holy Spirit. Don't allow our theology to divide what God has united through His Spirit.

Sacred Moments

The longer I have been a Christ follower the more appreciative and cognizant I am of sacred moments in my life: Those instances where it is undeniably clear that God's hand was at work and His goodness was displayed. These are sacred moments precisely because the infinite God lovingly entered my finite life with a touch of His grace filled hand.

This is not to be taken lightly and should be pondered deeply. When the creator enters the life of one of 7 billion people with a gift of provision, protection, forgiveness, financial help, the salvation of someone we have been praying for, comfort for some sorrow, someone who comes in a time of need - whatever it is, it is a sacred moment from the hand of a loving God. 

Unfortunately our lives are often too busy and harried to even notice that the God of Gods and Lord of Lords just touched our life. And that is a tragedy for how might it have changed our perspective on life to know that our lives had just been touched by the creator? Would our perspective on our day and situation change? Would we see the next challenge we face in light of the help of God in the last?

There are many things that I don't have time for but I want to make time for God. I want to recognize His touch when it comes. I want to be thankful for His love and provision. I want to remember His goodness to me so that when in need I remember who is there. I want to remember each time God reaches down from eternity into time to touch my life. They are sacred moments and like Mary, after the birth of Jesus, I want to ponder them in my heart.