OK lets face it. It hurts when people leave the church we pastor. We take it personally and in most cases should not. We forget that individual circumstances and needs vary and we cannot meet them all no matter how hard we try. In fact, if we were in the pew, rather than in the pulpit, we might leave too - depending on our circumstances.
I am not advocating a culture of moving from church to church. And frankly it is not the movers that cause us angst but those who have been with us for a long season. It is their leaving that hurts. But think about this:
If they leave because they are unhappy with us as the pastor, why did we assume that we could please all those who come? If we have had an influence in their lives that is good and will pay off for the rest of their lives. If their needs change or their stage of life changes, how can we be unhappy that they need a change? Often the issue is more about us than it is about them.
If they leave because because of unresolved issues with us then we need to do all we can to resolve those issues. It may be painful but it can be redemptive and instructional for us. If our actions, attitudes or words have caused pain it is good for us to hear that and to learn from it. It is not about trying to convince them to come back but rather making peace and learning from it.
I think the most painful situations are when many people leave and it is then that we need to sit up and take notice. Why are they leaving and what have we missed, if anything that has caused their leaving? Sometimes it is because we and the leaders have made intentional changes that we are committed to and we will be sad but realistic with the leaving. Other times, it is because we have been unwise in our actions and it is a reaction to our decisions.
Understanding the reasons is the important thing. If we need to learn from them we should. If we and our leaders are committed to a course of action that is right in the long run we need to take the hit in the short run. This is all about understanding the reasons and being willing to incur the cost when renovation or change is necessary.
Sometimes it is necessary for disaffected people to leave a church so that the church can move forward with greater health and missionality. Sometimes we push people out for unhealthy reasons.
When people leave, understand the reasons!
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Friday, February 28, 2014
Leadership by stealth
The best leadership is transparent and out in the open. People know where the leader is taking them and why. The leadership agenda is clearly articulated and people are invited to join the leader in moving toward a specific vision and goal.
On occasion I encounter a very different kind of leadership - stealth leadership. This style infects some pastors who have an agenda for the church they serve which is not stated up front, is contrary to the direction the church has been going and is essentially a leadership hijack where the congregation, board and even most of the staff are unaware of the intentions of the leader. They have an agenda but they are not sharing that agenda. It is leadership by stealth and it is fundamentally dishonest.
The dishonesty is in the lack of honest disclosure as to what their intentions are, not the direction itself which may be good or unhelpful. Leadership by stealth creates confusion and uncertainty because the leader is moving in directions and making decisions that are not clearly stated so the agenda cannot be debated. Rather people are left with observing the actions of the leader and wondering what the agenda actually is.
In addition, the leader may bring a few key allies into their orbit and share their agenda with them which - if they are staff or board members - creates additional confusion and division since some key people know the intentions of the leader while others do not. And, when a discussion of the direction does come up, the allies defend the leaders actions and there is no dialogue with them either. In other words, leadership by stealth is not only dishonest (because it is not stated up front and transparent) but confusing and decisive.
When other individuals challenge the leader's direction they are in a tough spot because while they can see the problematic decisions the leader is making they cannot debate the overall agenda since it is not stated.
Healthy leaders do not lead by stealth. They are clear on where they desire to go and why and are open to discussing their direction with leadership, staff and congregations. If you are in a situation where you have a leader who is leading by stealth it is worth a conversation to clarify intentions, direction and get it on the table so that it can be discussed and debated. You cannot debate what you don't know.
On occasion I encounter a very different kind of leadership - stealth leadership. This style infects some pastors who have an agenda for the church they serve which is not stated up front, is contrary to the direction the church has been going and is essentially a leadership hijack where the congregation, board and even most of the staff are unaware of the intentions of the leader. They have an agenda but they are not sharing that agenda. It is leadership by stealth and it is fundamentally dishonest.
The dishonesty is in the lack of honest disclosure as to what their intentions are, not the direction itself which may be good or unhelpful. Leadership by stealth creates confusion and uncertainty because the leader is moving in directions and making decisions that are not clearly stated so the agenda cannot be debated. Rather people are left with observing the actions of the leader and wondering what the agenda actually is.
In addition, the leader may bring a few key allies into their orbit and share their agenda with them which - if they are staff or board members - creates additional confusion and division since some key people know the intentions of the leader while others do not. And, when a discussion of the direction does come up, the allies defend the leaders actions and there is no dialogue with them either. In other words, leadership by stealth is not only dishonest (because it is not stated up front and transparent) but confusing and decisive.
When other individuals challenge the leader's direction they are in a tough spot because while they can see the problematic decisions the leader is making they cannot debate the overall agenda since it is not stated.
Healthy leaders do not lead by stealth. They are clear on where they desire to go and why and are open to discussing their direction with leadership, staff and congregations. If you are in a situation where you have a leader who is leading by stealth it is worth a conversation to clarify intentions, direction and get it on the table so that it can be discussed and debated. You cannot debate what you don't know.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Relational laziness
I am sure we are all guilty at one time or another and it can be with our spouse, family, colleagues, staff or even significant friends - relational laziness. It is when we start taking others for granted or simply don't put the investment into what are for us important relationships. These are the most important investments we could ever make and when we become lazy and don't pay attention we hurt the relationship and ultimately ourselves.
Those of us who are married know that it takes care and effort to keep the relationship sharp and vibrant. It is not always convenient but it is always important. How many couples wake up one day to a stranger next to them in the bed and wonder how they got there. Somewhere along the line, relational laziness set in!
It is just as significant at work where our relational equity with colleagues and staff is absolutely critical to achieving what we need to accomplish and what we need to do together. Leaders who become lazy in this department lose their staff and their ability to lead well if at all. When we allow other key work relationships to go stale our needed coinage, trust and cooperation may also evaporate.
Consider making a written list of the important relationships in your life and periodically take a look at them and ask the question: "Am I doing what I need to do to nurture the relationship or have I dropped the ball?" Apart from our relationship with our heavenly father, our key relationships are everything! When we become too busy for them or lazy in nurturing them it is always to our detriment.
Maybe this is the day to affirm an important relationship in your life.
Those of us who are married know that it takes care and effort to keep the relationship sharp and vibrant. It is not always convenient but it is always important. How many couples wake up one day to a stranger next to them in the bed and wonder how they got there. Somewhere along the line, relational laziness set in!
It is just as significant at work where our relational equity with colleagues and staff is absolutely critical to achieving what we need to accomplish and what we need to do together. Leaders who become lazy in this department lose their staff and their ability to lead well if at all. When we allow other key work relationships to go stale our needed coinage, trust and cooperation may also evaporate.
Consider making a written list of the important relationships in your life and periodically take a look at them and ask the question: "Am I doing what I need to do to nurture the relationship or have I dropped the ball?" Apart from our relationship with our heavenly father, our key relationships are everything! When we become too busy for them or lazy in nurturing them it is always to our detriment.
Maybe this is the day to affirm an important relationship in your life.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
My view of the church: Irrational optimism and deep realism
As one who serves the global church and has worked with hundreds of churches, some healthy, some not I have seen almost everything. It would be easy to become cynical or discouraged by the range of issues, problems and challenges.
In spite of all of its flaws I have an irrational optimism for the church: Not because of how well we do but because the Holy Spirit is present and the church is His Bride that He intents to purify for the bridegroom on His return. And it is God's chosen instrument to reach the world and to make disciples. In spite of all of its flaws it is a divine institution with a divine mandate empowered by divine power. We may give up on the church but Jesus never will!
That does not mean that I am not deeply realistic! God's people have an unlimited capacity for getting in the way of what God wants to do in His church. We rely on ourselves instead of Him; we allow what is to be missional to become institutional; we often lead poorly; live in disunity rather than unity and hurt the very people that are part of our family.
Yet God remains patient, forgiving and continues to send His Holy Spirit to empower us whenever we ask! He cares deeply for His bride and will never abandon it. It's flaws do not reflect Him but rather us in every respect. And if we are the cause of its dysfunctions we ought to become the agents of its health and vitality.
In whatever capacity we serve, every one of us either contributes to a healthy or unhealthy church. While leadership matters - a lot - the truth is that each of us influences the health of the Bride. The church has many critics. It needs many advocates. Which role do you play? While I am sure the heart of Jesus is saddened by much of what we do and don't do in the church He does not abandon it. He gave His life for it (for us) and we in return ought to love what He loves and be an advocate for what He is committed to.
Thus my deep realism but also my irrational optimism! Realism about us, optimism about God. And ultimately, He is the head of the church!
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Choosing a healthy path even when others don't
Many people work in organizations that have significant issues, or attend churches with the same. Welcome to our world which made up of people is highly imperfect. While I wish we all were in healthy workplaces or churches we are not. That being said, we always have a choice: Do I contribute to dysfunction or to health?
The issue is not whether there will be dysfunction in my church or place of work - that is a fact of life. The issue is whether I will deliberately and consistently choose healthy attitudes and practices in spite of what others around me are doing. That is my choice!
Truly healthy individuals simply choose a healthy path even when others don't.
Think about the choices we have:
The issue is not whether there will be dysfunction in my church or place of work - that is a fact of life. The issue is whether I will deliberately and consistently choose healthy attitudes and practices in spite of what others around me are doing. That is my choice!
Truly healthy individuals simply choose a healthy path even when others don't.
Think about the choices we have:
- I choose whether I get pulled into other people's stuff or avoid triangulation.
- I choose whether I engage in gossip and the putting down of others or choose only to speak well of others.
- I choose whether I keep short accounts in relationships or allow bitterness and conflict to fester unresolved.
- I choose whether I am honest and transparent while still being diplomatic and kind or whether I am cynical and angry.
- I choose whether I live with personal integrity or skirt the edges.
The powerful common denominator in all this is that we always have a choice. No matter how dysfunctional our surroundings we always have a choice. That is empowering to us and powerful in its influence with others.
It is also very freeing. Getting wrapped up in bad attitudes, unhappiness, emotional triangles, unresolved conflict are all massive energy wasters and bondage makers. Choosing a healthy path is freeing. It is also a quiet but powerful influence for health when things are not healthy.
We have far more power over our circumstances and attitudes than we often think. And more influence than we know if we will choose a healthy path even when others don't!
Monday, February 24, 2014
That individual is really odd!
Most churches have them. Odd people. Socially awkward, little self awareness and once they latch on to you it may take another to rescue you from a conversation that has no end.
I meet them often because they like to speak to the one who delivered the message. They always have something to say even if it is not immediately evident as to what their point is.
It is easy to dismiss them. But remember! Jesus never did. They are made in His image no less than me or you. And the thing about the church is that at the foot of the cross we are all equal.
The test of our love is not how we love those that are easy to love or that are like us. It is how we love those who may be harder to love from a human standpoint.
Jesus attracts misfits and the needy! It is who He is because with Him everyone is important, everyone who desires it finds acceptance and grace. The question is whether we accept and love those he accepts and loves. He attracts those the world rejects - for whatever reason.
If the one place some folks find dignity and love and acceptance is the church - that is as it should be. Truth is, we are all odd in one way or another. Thankfully it does not matter to Christ.
I meet them often because they like to speak to the one who delivered the message. They always have something to say even if it is not immediately evident as to what their point is.
It is easy to dismiss them. But remember! Jesus never did. They are made in His image no less than me or you. And the thing about the church is that at the foot of the cross we are all equal.
The test of our love is not how we love those that are easy to love or that are like us. It is how we love those who may be harder to love from a human standpoint.
Jesus attracts misfits and the needy! It is who He is because with Him everyone is important, everyone who desires it finds acceptance and grace. The question is whether we accept and love those he accepts and loves. He attracts those the world rejects - for whatever reason.
If the one place some folks find dignity and love and acceptance is the church - that is as it should be. Truth is, we are all odd in one way or another. Thankfully it does not matter to Christ.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Before you make someone a supervisor, ask and answer these 7 questions
It is a common scenario: Someone does well in their job so we assume that they should be promoted to a place where they supervise others. This is not a good assumption. Some individuals who are wonderfully equipped in what they do are terribly equipped to supervise and in putting them in that role we both hurt them and those who end up reporting to them.
So, before you make someone a supervisor, ask these seven questions.
One: Are they wired to lead others?
Some people are wired as "individual producers" rather than as "organizational leaders." To illustrate, an individual producer is like the car salesman who has the skill to engage customers, help them find the best car and make the sale. It is an individual kind of job. Contrast that with the sales manager whose job it is to lead the team of salespeople. These are two different skill sets entirely.
Two: Do they have the skills to help staff succeed?
The primary job of a supervisor is to ensure that their staff are successful at what they do. There is a skill to helping others succeed rather than focusing primarily on our own success. If they do not possess this skill, do you have the training to ensure that they learn the skill?
Three: Do they have the ability to empower others and delegate both responsibility and appropriate authority?
Unfortunately, many leaders believe that leadership is about telling people what to do and how to do it rather than empowering others to figure out what needs to be done and how to do it. Empowering others means that we define clear boundaries and then delegate appropriate responsibility and authority. Those who are unable to do so should never be put in supervisory roles.
Four: Do they love to help develop others?
Leaders, managers and supervisors are successful when those they lead are successful. This means that the best have a high commitment to the development of people they lead. They want them to become all that they can be and be constantly sharpening their skills and abilities. Great leaders get great satisfaction out of developing their staff. And staff love to work for those who care deeply about them.
Five: Do they have a clear job description as to what their responsibilities as a supervisor are?
It amazes me how many organizations do not clarify with supervisors what is expected of them in this role. In our organization, for instance, we expect all leaders to have a personal development plan, to build a strong team, develop appropriate strategy, develop their people and mobilize necessary resources. In my view you cannot supervise well without doing these five things.
Six: Do they have a coach to ensure that their transition to a supervisory role goes well?
Moving from a concern about "my work" to a concern about "the teams" work is a significant jump. It requires a different set of competencies, skills and priorities. Having a coach along side of you in this transition can make the difference between success and failure.
Seven: Do they want to supervise?
Why ask the question? Because if someone is not motivated to do what has been described above, they will not make for good supervisors. Too often we push people to take a supervisory role to the detriment of those who end up reporting to them. If they don't want the role, never put them in the role.
So, before you make someone a supervisor, ask these seven questions.
One: Are they wired to lead others?
Some people are wired as "individual producers" rather than as "organizational leaders." To illustrate, an individual producer is like the car salesman who has the skill to engage customers, help them find the best car and make the sale. It is an individual kind of job. Contrast that with the sales manager whose job it is to lead the team of salespeople. These are two different skill sets entirely.
Two: Do they have the skills to help staff succeed?
The primary job of a supervisor is to ensure that their staff are successful at what they do. There is a skill to helping others succeed rather than focusing primarily on our own success. If they do not possess this skill, do you have the training to ensure that they learn the skill?
Three: Do they have the ability to empower others and delegate both responsibility and appropriate authority?
Unfortunately, many leaders believe that leadership is about telling people what to do and how to do it rather than empowering others to figure out what needs to be done and how to do it. Empowering others means that we define clear boundaries and then delegate appropriate responsibility and authority. Those who are unable to do so should never be put in supervisory roles.
Four: Do they love to help develop others?
Leaders, managers and supervisors are successful when those they lead are successful. This means that the best have a high commitment to the development of people they lead. They want them to become all that they can be and be constantly sharpening their skills and abilities. Great leaders get great satisfaction out of developing their staff. And staff love to work for those who care deeply about them.
Five: Do they have a clear job description as to what their responsibilities as a supervisor are?
It amazes me how many organizations do not clarify with supervisors what is expected of them in this role. In our organization, for instance, we expect all leaders to have a personal development plan, to build a strong team, develop appropriate strategy, develop their people and mobilize necessary resources. In my view you cannot supervise well without doing these five things.
Six: Do they have a coach to ensure that their transition to a supervisory role goes well?
Moving from a concern about "my work" to a concern about "the teams" work is a significant jump. It requires a different set of competencies, skills and priorities. Having a coach along side of you in this transition can make the difference between success and failure.
Seven: Do they want to supervise?
Why ask the question? Because if someone is not motivated to do what has been described above, they will not make for good supervisors. Too often we push people to take a supervisory role to the detriment of those who end up reporting to them. If they don't want the role, never put them in the role.
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