Dealing With Our Shadow Side

All of us have a shadow side. We often don't like to admit it and don't like to think about it but unless we manage our shadow side, it hurts us, those we lead and can even destroy our ministries.

A sign of good Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is understanding our strengths, weaknesses, temptations, places where we are at risk to sin, and the unhealthy parts of our lives that we hide from others. Unless we pay close attention to our areas of weakness and darkness those areas come back to bit us.

Shadow sides are different for different people but here are some examples:

- Deep insecurities that cause us to need constant affirmation and are responsible for defensive attitudes toward those who disagree with us.

- A need to have our way which hurts team

- Areas of hidden sin that we have not adequately dealt with

- Isolation from others where deep friendships are not fostered, leaving us without people who can speak truth into our lives

- Anger that lies close to the surface

- Arrogance that comes from a measure of success

Essentially our shadow side are those parts of us that are not healthy whether spiritually, emotionally or relationally. No one is exempt - it is part of living in a fallen world.

Shadow sides need to be understood and managed if we are going to be healthy individuals and leaders. It starts with asking some hard questions like, "where am I vulnerable to sin" and "what aspects of my responses and inner life do I not like?" It is also helpful to ask those who know us best, our spouse, a close friend and colleague to identify potential areas of dishealth that they see in us. It is also one of the things we should consult God on - asking Him to reveal to us truth about our hearts that we need to know.

The next step is to regularly evaluate those areas we have identified and to develop strategies for ensuring that our shadow side does not hurt us or those around us. That may mean counseling to better understand ourselves. It may mean candid discussion with a close and trusted friend for a deeper level of accountability. It may be as simple as an awareness of our areas of vulnerability so when we come close to those areas we can deal with them.

Someone has said that we need to spend as much time dealing with our shadow side as we do our strength side. I tend to agree with this because left unacknowledged and unchecked it is the shadow side with comes back to hurt us and can deep six our lives, families, and ministries.

Understanding ourselves and dealing with our shadow side requires the time to think deeply and reflect on who we are, how God made us and where we struggle. Scripture is a great mirror for this reflection as we encounter life as God intends it, hearts as He desires them to be, motives (good and bad) and compare our lives to the holy and healthy life we encounter there. That is why the best leaders are deeply reflective leaders. They have taken the time to understand themselves because who we are as leaders spills out in our lives and leadership. Managing the inner life is the key to managing our outer life.

Trends in Missions Today

There are a number of common trends among mission agencies today that are very encouraging in terms of their missional effectiveness.

The introduction of Key Result Areas and Annual Ministry Plans. This is all about a new level of accountability and intentionality in the mission world. Among major agencies it is no longer acceptable to work without a plan and clarity on the results desired. As one of my colleagues observed, the only place to hide today in missions (from intentionality and accountability) is in some of the mom and pop missions. Interestingly, some major agencies have lost significant numbers of people who objected to the introduction of a new level of accountability and intentionality.

A second major trend is that of deploying personnel in teams who work synergistically together. It has been proven over and over that healthy teams are more effective than personnel deployed alone. Teams take into account a variety of gifts, encourage greater creativity and provide a greater level of care for personnel.

The move toward teams and the introduction of KRAs and AMPs has lead to another major development - the elimination of levels of management and supervision that were deemed necessary in the past. Missions are embracing the flat world and the idea of empowering teams on the ground to determine their plans and strategies and are therefore eliminating the management structure that was necessary in the absence of plans and teams. In our own mission, we have only three levels of leadership - the senior team, the international area team and the local team.

These changes have inevitably led to a fourth - the development of a set of metrics by which to measure effectiveness and success. Almost every major mission is grappling with the metrics issue and desiring to ensure that they have a way to measure their effectiveness. In many ways this is driven by donors who want to know that their major investments in missions are paying off. The Mission Exchange just did a major conference on this issue.

All of these changes have come amidst a movement by agencies to deal with unproductive or unhealthy personnel. This is the major issue being faced by new mission leaders today. In the past, many missions have defined their success by how many missionaries they had and paid little attention to the health and effectiveness of those leaders. This has led to many problems because unproductive or unhealthy personnel have a huge impact on those around them. While in the past it was unknown for a mission to let a missionary go, that is not the case today. There is much retooling taking place in missions and the transition of unhealthy personnel out of the organizations.

These trends have forced missions to raise up a generation of better leaders. Intentionality, health, metrics, plans and teams all require leadership and many agencies are scrambling to find those leaders since they did not focus on the leadership issue in the past. In many cases, agencies are looking outside their own mission to leaders from the church and business sector who have a leadership track record.

The new interest in results and healthy personnel has led to the development of greater ongoing learning and skill development. In the past one could have a lifetime of mission service with little ongoing education. Not anymore. The requirements of team, plans, metrics, health and leadership require ongoing skill development. Many agencies actually have a division that focuses on this ongoing learning.

Finally there is a major shift away from missionaries simply doing the hands on work to missionaries as equippers of others in line with Ephesians 4:12. Increasingly there is an emphasis on the development of partnerships with indigenous movements and the equipping of those movements for greatest missional effectiveness. It is a shift from a focus on "my" ministry to a focus on "our" ministry and the developing, empowering and equipping of healthy indigenous leaders.

All of these are encouraging developments toward mission work that can meet the needs of our globalized world where the opportunities and challenges are both significant.

When everyone is in charge, no one is in charge

I recently visited a congregation that has a lot of health in many ways - except in its leadership paradigm. It is a congregation of about 320 with a 50 member general board - although I doubt they ever get that many there. It is a labyrinth of boards and committees.

The pastor and several elders made the comment that no one is really in charge! It is in many ways leaderless apart from the fact that the pastor and elders seek to lead.

Unfortunately there are still tens of thousands of evangelical churches in this country - and elsewhere that operate like General Motors. Committees and boards galore, suffocating any ability of a group of truly qualified leaders to lead.

The result is ministry paralysis that prevents the church from making timely decisions or clarify ministry direction. This congregation has been plateaued at its current size for many years. It is unlikely to break through its barriers without rethinking and redoing its governance structure.

Often leaders don't tackle this issue because of a few loud voices who argue that to move away from a structure of multiple boards and committees is to rob the congregation of its involvement. They are right about one thing - God wants everyone's involvement. But they are wrong on the kind of involvement God wants of everyone. He wants everyone involved in meaningful ministry, not meaningless meetings!

The New Testament has a paradigm for leadership that looks nothing like the paradigm this church has. Actually this church's paradigm is that of the New England town hall, not Biblical leadership.

That is also why so many churches plateau and don't live missionally. Their structures keep them institutional rather than missional. How is your church doing?

Innocent as Doves, Wise as Serpents

I am constantly amazed how naive we choose to be as believers regarding "wolves" in the church who have personal agendas that they hide behind a spiritual facade. This was the case in a call I received recently from a pastor and his board chair. A former leader in the church who has a poor track record of working with others has been quietly working those who will listen in the congregation regarding the senior pastor - subtly undermining him - even though the church board is fully supportive of his ministry.

I asked them if this gentleman's stated "concerns" are his real agenda and they said no. I asked if the board had faced the fact that they had a wolf in their midst that they needed to confront and they said no. I asked if they believed that he had a hidden agenda and they said yes.

Why are we so naive? So unwilling to name agendas for what they are, so unwilling to confront behavior that is blatantly sinful? Think about Jesus when he interacted with people. He saw right through them. He made statements or asked questions that revealed motives and behaviors for what they were.

Jesus told us to be innocent as doves but wise as serpents. Wise people understand, are willing to name and to confront behaviors that hurt the church. They don't allow people to to undermine the church while hiding behind spiritual talk or facades. Like Paul in his letters to Timothy and Titus they see sinful behavior for what it is and are willing to name it and wisely confront it.

I believe we use the excuse of "grace" to not confront wolves in our midst because we fear them and don't want to go head to head with them. In the meantime, the wolves rip through the congregation doing quiet but real and often longtime damage.

Innocent of doves means that we have pure motives. Wise as serpents means that we see issues for what they are and deal with them as leaders. How is your board doing?

Leadership and Relational Enmeshment

A common issue related to poor Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is relational enmeshment. This is when we allow ourselves to become enmeshed in someone else’s issues and take on their issue or their offence. This happens in families all the time where two members of the family will triangulate against a third rather than dealing with issues directly. So Tom who has an issue with Mary will talk to Bill about Mary. Bill take up the offence and there is therefore pressure on Mary by both Bill and Tom to conform. What Tom has done is enmesh Bill in his issue.

This happens in churches and workplaces all the time. It is bluntly a violation of Matthew 18 and the coward’s way out of dealing with conflict. Rather than dealing with the person we have an issue with we bring someone else into the equation and enmesh them in the problem.

Healthy individuals do not allow themselves to be drawn into other people’s issues. They may well seek to help that individual solve the problem in a healthy manner but they do not triangulate, nor do they take on the offenses of others. Often in cases like Tom, Mary and Bill, the two with the issue solve the problem but the one who became enmeshed, Bill, continues to carry it in his heart – unresolved - which is not surprising since it was not his to resolve in the first place.

How do unhealthy leaders triangulate or enmesh others in their issues? Often they do so by playing the victim role. They communicate their hurt to those who they feel are sympathetic and draw those folks into their circle of hurt against those who they feel have hurt them. It is dangerous and hurtful when pastors (or others) do this because those they triangulate with have no way of solving the issue since they are not a part of the dispute. So, even when the pastor resolves his issue, those who he has enmeshed often continue to carry ill will toward the individual that the pastor had an issue with.

I have watched pastors actually divide boards by choosing to triangulate with sympathetic board members against other board members. Long after the issue is resolved the board remains divided.

Very simply, enmeshment or triangulation is unbiblical, unhealthy and the wrong way to resolve issues that we have. For leaders, especially it has consequences that are far reaching.

Secular or Sacred Worship?

My wife recently attended a worship service where the message was shaped around a popular country western song (rather than the text used) and then the secular song was the last set by the worship band. She left deeply disheartened.

The service raised an interesting question. Does the sacred influence the secular or does the secular influence the sacred? Now without a doubt there was some truth in the song. But why use a secular source to try to communicate eternal truth when it is the word of God that is the source of all truth? Maybe to illustrate but not as the source. There are many good illustrative stories from the secular world, but the source of all truth about God is found in His word.

In addition, how can a secular song as a worship set raise our hearts to the throne of God? Again, does the sacred influence the secular or does the secular lead us to the sacred?

What was more interesting was that many loved the song. Actually I like the song. But I question the discernment of those who believe that the secular can lead us to the sacred as an act of worship. In our effort to be relevant we often forget that the Word itself is the source of all relevance and that word, empowered by the Holy Spirit has amazing power to change lives.

Perhaps our drive for relevance is an indication that we don't always think the truth of the Word is enough. Paul did. "For I am not ashamed of the gospel because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: 'The righteous will live by faith' " (Romans 1:16-17).

Reveal Study and Preaching in America

I just finished listening to the Reveal report on line of an evangelical church that I know very well. It was a fairly devastating report. I give the leaders and pastor high credit for their candid report to the congregation and some of the things that they really need to address.

Across the board, the Reveal results have been problematic in terms of the American church's effectiveness in bringing spiritual transformation to the lives of those in their congregations. I don't lay all the fault at the feet of the church as we live in a society of huge distractions and a secularism that threatens to rob us of our historic biblical and evangelical commitments.

However, there is one area where I do lay much responsibility on pastors and that is in the area of preaching and teaching. My observation is that we have dumbed down the gospel in our effort to be "relevant" and to bring new people into our churches to the the extent that we are not proclaiming the whole truth about God, ourselves, His call on our lives and what a non-negotiated followership of Christ is all about.

When we cannot connect the message to the biblical text, when there is not a call to radical followership, when hard issues are avoided and real life application not made, why are we surprised that the spiritual temperature of our people is so low. We have made numbers and programming and flashy services our criteria of success and in direct response, the spiritual temperature of our congregations has declined.

We have neglected the words of Paul to Timothy that "All Scripture is God-breathed, and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work" (2 Timothy 3:16-17). We have come dangerously close or frankly guilty of of Paul's prediction that "the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear" (2 Timothy 4:3).

Saddest of all, it is the very ones who preach the word who all too often are blind to the dumbing down they are perpetuating while those looking for substance quietly move out of their congregations looking for greater depth from God's word. The irony is that even basic but biblical preaching will do more for people than the "relevance" many try to produce which leaves out the truth of the word.

And we wonder why followership is so shallow and biblical knowledge so non-existent today. Most people in our churches could not even articulate the great doctrines of the faith that make our faith what it is. We have sacrificed truth for our definition of relevance.

Not all have sacrificed truth at the altar of popularity and the Reveal study is a wake up call to the church that people long for substance and truth and the life changing Word of the Living God.

I was interested to hear that the church referenced above has plateaued and seen a decline in attendance over the past several years. Is it possible that those who have left are looking to drink from deeper wells of God's truth? I applaud those pastors who diligently preach the Word and not a version that has been diluted for the sake of some definition of relevance. The only real relevance we have is God's truth. That is relevance that can change hearts and lives and satisfy the deepest desires of our hearts

The writer of Hebrews said it well, "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account" (Hebrews 4:12-13).

Board Evaluation

One thing pastors notice is that boards are far more likely to evaluate them than they are to evaluate themselves. Yet, the quality of board work has as much impact on most churches as the quality of the senior pastor's work. Annual evaluation of the senior pastor should be combined with a self evaluation of the board including the input of the senior pastor.

If you are a board member, evaluate the work of the board you are on (church or otherwise) with the following evaluation. As you think about the past year evaluate the following and give a numerical score from one to five for each item with one being weak and five being strong.

Our board is deeply intentional in driving a clear ministry agenda:

Our board has healthy relationships and keeps short accounts:

We are able to engage in honest constructive dialogue on all issues:

We engage in regular corporate prayer:

The majority of our time is spent on future issues rather than day to day management:

We are clear on our church's mission, guiding principles, central ministry focus and preferred culture:

We guard the gate to church leadership ensuring that only qualified individuals get on a ballot to serve:

We have a clear board job description that mirrors what the New Testament says about church leadership

We have a permission granting rather than a permission withholding culture in our church

We ask that our senior pastor work with Key Result Areas and an Annual Ministry Plan and use those objective results as the basis of our annual review of him.

We delegate issues to others that do not need to be dealt with by the board:

Our meetings are well planned and well run:

We evaluate the major ministries of our congregation honestly at least once a year and make corrrections as needed:

We focus on developing, empowering and releasing our people in meaningful ministry in line with their gifting:

What is the average score you gave the board you are on? Each of these are critical issues for a healthy board.

Worship Music: For Christ Followers or Seekers?

As my own church has tried but failed to articulate a philosophy of music and worship for the past ten years - they are still trying - I have reflected on the purpose of worship in the church.

Fundamentally worship is for those who follow Jesus. That may seem obvious but I believe that it is not clear in many congregations that are trying to attract seekers. I believe that much worship direction is focused more on those who the congregation is trying to attract than it is on those who actually know Christ.

If so, that is an amazing shift from what I believe Scripture would say about worship. Only those who know that God of the universe can truly worship the God of the Universe and whether in the Old Testament or New the purpose of worship is to honor, praise and connect with the One whom we love and serve.

This leads me to a second observation. Different believers connect with God and worship him through different types of worship. Thus when we do not honor those different styles and offer different styles we are essentially excluding those whose style is not represented.

It seems to me that we are so concerned about "attracting" new people to our congregations that in many cases that focus overshadows the central focus of worship which is to help Christ followers within the church worship the God of the universe in ways that work for them. When that happens we have shifted the true focus of worship to an improper focus of worship and it is the worship of God's people that gets lost in the refocus.

The reveal study has made it abundantly clear that our lack of focus on the needs of God's people to grow and mature is the cause of many leaving the church today. Is it possible that our obsession with bringing new people into our church actually forces Christ followers to leave the church?

This is complicated when church leaders focus on one demographic to the exclusion of other demographics. In many churches the focus on reaching seekers through their style of worship has a detrimental affect on existing believers in the church who don't connect with that particular style.

I believe that that seekers are attracted to the genuine love, unity and heart worship of those they see around them. The more genuine and real the worship of God's people, the more that seekers will be attracted. But, this is the distinction, the focus is not on seekers but on believers - they are the only ones who can truly worship God.

We have complicated what should be simple. Worship is for believers and believers need options today in worship styles. Seekers will be attracted to Christ not because they hear their style of music but because they encounter God in the people, love, unity of God's people and the truth they hear from His word.

Leadership by consensus or unanimity

I am often asked what I think about leadership by unanimity - where all leaders must agree to a course of action before they move forward. My answer is "not much." While it may sound spiritual and well meaning, leadership by unanimity presents two very real problems.

First, it puts tremendous pressure on those who might choose a different route to change their minds under the pressure of needing a unified vote. To be the person who is holding out because they disagree becomes a tough place to be - for those who value teams working together. It is simply unfair to members who might disagree.

Second, it allows one person to determine the direction of the organization because just one vote can keep the organization from moving forward. In the best case scenario this individual simply does not agree and prefers another way. In the worst case scenario, a recalcitrant member holds the rest of the board hostage. Either way it is a net loss for leadership momentum

Far better is leadership by consensus where there is general agreement on the board and those few who are in the minority graciously agree to the direction determined. General agreement is more than a bare majority. Where a board has only a bare majority on an important issue, there needs to be more work and discussion because you run the risk of a divided board. In fact, bare majority decisions if they are frequent indicate a lack of unity and alignment on the board and signal deeper trouble

Boards that are healthy and shoot for consensus do well.

Intimacy before Impact

One of the ministries I have a long term relationship with, Life International, has one of the most unique but important guiding principles of any ministry I know: Intimacy before Impact!

Life International is a global "life" ministry dealing with issues of "life" wherever abortion exists around the world. It is a holistic ministry helping pastors train their congregations in abstinence outside of marriage, in healthy relationships between men and women and ministering to those with unwanted pregnancies.

But they know that their best strategies are worthless unless they have the power of the Holy Spirit ever present in their lives. They believe what Jesus said in John 15 about the importance of "abiding in me." So, built into their DNA and into their ministry lives and day is a culture of worship of God and paying close attention to their spiritual connection.

There is one phrase of Jesus in John 15 that always causes me pause: "Without me you can do nothing." All of us need to pay attention to those six words. We expend great energy in the cause of our ministries but in the end - without the empowerment of His Spirit and the connection of "remaining" we cannot accomplish anything of eternal value. But, "Ask anything of me and I will give it for it is to my father's glory that you bear much fruit."

A guiding principle to live by today and every day.

Boards that are not united and don't face reality

I have recently been watching a church board that is not united and not facing realities within its congregation. Members have been marginalized, issues have been ignored and there has been a slow but steady exodus of key long time members from the church. Notwithstanding the evidence of problems that board has not been willing to deal with substantive issues the church faces. Instead it has presented an "all is well" message to the congregation.

Here is an interesting fact about congregations. They are not stupid. They may not know all the facts but they can sense when something is wrong. But, being gracious and not wanting to hurt the church most will not fight, make a fuss, or try to force change. Nor are they in a position to do so. They are not in leadership and in the end it is the leaders who either choose to deal with problems or not. And their choices have consequences for the church.

What do they do? As they become disillusioned, they simply leave, quietly. And board members and staff whitewash their leaving. There is always a good reason. And who leaves? Usually the very people who have the insight to understand the issues that are not being addressed are the ones who leave. And in many cases they have been ignored when they tried to appropriately address those issues with leaders.

So, the very people that the church needs to move forward are the ones who quietly migrate out of the congregation. I have watched this many times and it is disastrous for the church in the long run.

I wish at every annual meeting, someone would ask the church chair or board chair how united, aligned and healthy the board is - and get a candid answer. Here is something I know from long experience. Divided boards end up dividing a congregation - one way or another. It may be a visible division or as I have mentioned, an invisible one, as insightful people simply migrate out.

No church can be healthy with an unhealthy board! Few congregations will rise above the spiritual health of their leaders. People who sense not all is well and don't see that changing, or who sense powerplays in the church will often simply leave. Unhealthy leaders whitewash issues rather than deal with them. They hope that those issues will not get "out" and they do all they can to keep them "in." But, the wisest among us are not fooled. Nor will they stay indefinitely if they believe that leaders are not dealing with real issues.

What happens is a quiet but real leadership drain from the church. Leaders who do not lead well end up losing the leadership pool in the church. Something to think about.

Signs of healthy and unhealthy boards

How healthy is your board? Do not underestimate the importance of this question if you serve on a board.

The question matters because the health of your board (church or otherwise) will reflect and determine the health of your ministry. Too many boards live with a lack of health and their ministries suffer because of it. If you are a board member, your contribution to health or dishealth of the board you serve on either contributes to overall health or dishealth. Because we are talking about ministry boards, we ultimately answer to the Lord of the Church for our board involvement and stewardship. Board health matters.

Healthy Boards have certain characteristics. They have clarified what is important for the ministry and can clearly articulate its direction. They spend the majority of their time thinking about the future rather than dealing with present day to day management. They learn together, read together and pray together.

On healthy boards, all board members represent the whole of the ministry and engage in honest, respectful, robust dialogue. On a healthy board there are NO ELEPHANTS that cannot be discussed. To the extent that there are issues that one cannot address directly the board is not healthy. Nor do healthy boards ignore real issues in the ministry whether they involve a board member, a ministry program, or the ministry leader. To the extent that there are real issues that cannot or are not discussed, the board is unhealthy.

Healthy boards are unified. That does not mean they always agree but they can work together agreeably and are "in the game" together. They want the best for the church or ministry and will pull together to get there. In this regard, they also care about ministry results. Because they are clear on ministry direction, they are able to measure ministry results. They give staff freedom within clear parameters but they also hold them accountable for measurable results.

Unhealthy boards have a predictable set of practices. They are often unified, focus on management rather than the future, micromanage, allow elephants to exist, do not engage in honest dialogue, allow factions to develop on the board, don't clarify ministry or the future and don't hold staff accountable for ministry results. One of the results of conflict on an unhealthy board is often conflict within the congregation.

The first step toward health is knowing how healthy your board is. The following board self analysis will give you a clue. It is from the book High Impact Church Boards. Remember, the health of your board matters.

1. Are you ever frustrated by the pace of decision-making?
Yes No

2. Is it necessary to get the approval of more than one group
in order to get something done?
Yes No

3. Do you find your board revisiting issues that you thought
you had settled already?
Yes No

4. Is there confusion or conflict over what place the congregation,
staff team or board plays in leadership or decision-making?
Yes No

5. Does your board have a clear job description and understand
its responsibilities?
Yes No

6. Do you find that you spend more time “managing” day-today
activities than thinking and planning for the future?
Yes No

7. Could you identify the clear “preferred future” for your
congregation, and is this a shared dream of the board?
Yes No

8. Do your board and staff members have clear annual ministry
goals and plans?
Yes No

9. Are you frustrated with the number of decisions that need
to go to the congregation for approval?
Yes No

10. Is there a high level of unity and relational health among
board members?
Yes No

11. Do your church structure and bylaws hinder rather than
help leaders make timely decisions?
Yes No

12. Does your board have ample time for prayer and study of
Scripture, and to dream and plan for the future?
Yes No

13. Does your board have a covenant that spells out its procedural
and relational practices?
Yes No

14. Has the lack of such a covenant ever caused problems for
the board?
Yes No

15. Do you have a process designed to find the very best leaders
for your senior board?
Yes No

16. Do you have a process to mentor and train potential leaders
before they become leaders?
Yes No

17. Do you believe that your church is maximizing its ministry
impact?
Yes No

18. Does your congregation have more than one elected board?
Yes No

19. Is there tension or confusion between the staff and board
over who is responsible for what?
Yes No

20. Are you able to attract and retain the best leaders in your
church to serve on your senior leadership board?
Yes No

How many yes answers do you have? _____. A perfect score
would be a yes for questions 5, 7, 8, 10, 12, 13, 15, 16, 17, 20

How many no answers do you have? _____. A perfect score
would be a no for questions 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 9, 11, 14, 18, 19

Take a moment and find out how each member of your board
answered these questions, and discuss the results together. The
resulting conversation will help you identify issues in your
church leadership paradigm that need to be changed—if you
are going to maximize your congregation’s ministry impact.

Bold and Bolder Faith

In Luke 11, Jesus taught his disciples how to pray with the Lord’s prayer. If you read that prayer it is a bold prayer with bold requests. But then Jesus goes on to expand his teaching on prayer:

“Then he said to them, Suppose one of you has a friend, and he goes to him at midnight and says, Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, because a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to set before him.

Then the one inside answers, Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children are with me in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything. I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is his friend, yet because of the man’s boldness he will get up and give him as much as he needs.

So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11:5-13)

Jesus is inviting us to be bold in our requests! He is inviting us to make BIG asks. He is affirming that when we pray God hears and doors open. He is making the point that just as we would not be stingy with responding to the requests of our own children that he would never be stingy with us His children.

Here is why I think so many people were profoundly impacted by the story of my illness. We often pray, not believing that God would actually do something BIG, or that we could make truly bold requests. That God can and does the miraculous in our day. But He did, and they saw it and it changed their understanding of prayer, faith, and God’s ability to do BIG things.

Because Mary Ann had heard from God early on that “it will be close but He will make it,” she would not let anyone into my ICU room to pray for me who would not pray for an absolute miracle and total healing. That was a bold move because there was no medical indication that I would pull through. Or, realistic hope.

If Jesus invites bold faith, if He invites BIG asks, we ought to take Him up on His offer. What is it that you need today? Be bold, pray BIG and wait for a loving father to answer!

It can be hard to be bold in our prayer or to do BIG asks if we are not used to doing this. There is another hard part of prayer. We are to pray bold and pray BIG but we are also to pray for God’s will to be done (Matthew 6:10). That is hard because while God always answers the prayer of faith (Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you – Luke 11:9-10) His perfect answer is not always our perfect answer!

God chose to heal me – twice - in His sovereignty. He does not always do that. That does not mitigate bold and BIG prayer. It requires that we understand that God’s perfect will is sometimes unseen by us. Even Jesus, on the eve of His arrest and death, prayed “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done. An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground” (Luke 22:42-44).

Let that sink in. Jesus was in agony over what was before Him. He pled with his Father to remove the cup of suffering from Him but even as He prayed boldly and with a BIG ask, in the same breath he said “yet not my will but yours be done.” Did God show up? Yes, an angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened Him. Did God remove the path of suffering from Him. No!

A pastor friend of mine was exhilarated when God chose to heal me. He and his congregation had prayed hard, earnestly, boldly and BIG. He was devastated a few months later when God did not heal a young boy in his church who experienced a devastating accident at a youth retreat. This is a man of great faith and has been a model of prayer for me through the years. He was as devastated by God’s seeming lack of action as he was in God’s miraculous action in my life.

Reflecting on that event recently he said, “It is amazing how powerful prayer is when we pray in line with God’s will.” Ultimately, life is not about us but about God. Ultimately, God’s purposes are far greater than we can ever comprehend this side of heaven. If Jesus was bound by His Father’s will and willing to submit to that will, why would we, his followers and children, be exempt?

In this regard, one of the most misused verses in Scripture is Romans 8:28. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purposes.”

Many assume that means that only good things happen to God’s people. Yet just a few verses later Paul asks “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered. No in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us” (Romans 8:35-37).

Far from denying the reality of bad things, Paul says expect them. But know that even in the worst, nothing can separate us from God’s love. In that context we have to take Romans 8:28 that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him” from God’s perspective not ours. It is not a promise that life will not include pain. It is rather a promise that when it does, God has a purpose and a plan that is still good and perfect and that he can use even our pain for His greater purposes.

God does not always remove suffering from our lives – and He did not for Jesus but He does redeem that suffering for greater divine purposes. Bold prayer, prayer that storms the gates of heaven is unapologetic in its requests and BIG in its scope. But it is not bold without praying for God’s ultimate will to be done. That is the boldest prayer because that prayer invites God to do what is ultimately best from His perspective, not ours. It is like the prayer of Jesus in the garden a prayer of deep submission to His perfect will and an invitation to Him to use our lives for His deepest and greatest purposes. That is BOLD prayer. And BOLD faith.

Are you willing to pray boldly for His will to be done? Do you trust His goodness enough to pray that way? I want to invite you to take that step of ultimate faith and trust right now. Tell Him your need, pray BIG, pray boldly, and boldly invite Him to do His will in your life and situation.

Mentoring Revisited

Yesterday I had an interesting email from the editor of our denominational magazine, EFCA Today of which I am the Executive Editor. She has been trying to elicit responses from churches regarding mentoring. Many women have responded. Few men have responded and one said, "I don't think pastors see it as their job to mentor."

That sentence caught my attention. I am thinking WOW! How can any leader not think it is their job to mentor? To be a leader and not be mentoring other leaders is an oxymoron. It is no wonder that the leadership quotient in so many churches is so low.

His other comment was that pastors did not think they had time to mentor. I don't buy that. We all have time for what is truly important to us. At any one time I am mentoring ten individuals on a regular basis.

Mentoring is one of the most strategic uses of our time - and - it is one of the most unselfish things we can do. It is giving away what God has given us in the spirit of 2 Timothy 2:2. Every church is one generation away from decline. Raising up the next generation of leaders is the only way we avoid that. And that is not simply preaching. It is influencing key people one on one.

There is another factor for anyone who wants to leave a significant legacy. I am convinced that the most powerful legacy we will ever leave are those individuals who we have raised up and equipped who in effect keep the ripples of our lives moving out on the pond of life. Real leaders give away what they have received.

I give kudos to the women of our churches who get this and do this. I am concerned if the comments above reflect reality for our pastoral leaders.

Who are you pouring your life into on a regular basis helping them become all they can be in line with how God made them?

Building your leadership bench

It is a common refrain: We don't have enough leaders for the ministries we have - or for the leadership board. Most churches do have the leaders they need but they have not been equipped or envisioned to lead.

The default for most churches is that we try to train leaders "on the job" rather than preparing them ahead of time. This default mode is dangerous in that one is putting untrained leaders in critical spots. It does not work well with boards in particular.

A simple solution is to develop a group of potential leaders that you meet with monthly. During those monthly meetings you can read and discuss leadership books, talk about the ministry philosophy of the church, train in church leadership, challenge them to be growing in their spiritual life and envisioning them for leadership or ministry in the local church.

You will quickly discern who your best potential leaders are and you will be growing them before they get into key roles. It is a simple but very strategic move.

Suffering and Humility

Suffering helps to free us from the pride that enslaves us and grows a humility like nothing else can.

Pride is both a mask of pretence and a spirit of the heart. As a mask, it is pretending that we are something we are not, know more than we do, are more competent than we are.

As a spirit of the heart it is believing that we are self sufficient in ourselves and are better than we are. Both the mask and the heart posture are sinful. And they hold us hostage because we must keep up a pretence and don’t allow us to see ourselves for who we really are.

Suffering has a wonderful way of stripping away pride. When life comes undone we can’t pretend we are sufficient anymore. We are forced to acknowledge our need for God and for others. Our weakness becomes our strength.

The Apostle Paul also had to learn humility the hard way.

“To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassing great revelations, there was given to me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10).

We are strong when we humbly rely on God for his grace and power. We are weak when we rely on ourselves. Suffering frees us from self reliance and makes us strong through Christ. No longer do we need to pretend we are sufficient. No longer do we have to pretend we are something we are not. We can just be who we are in our strengths and weaknesses, humbly relying on God.

Having had two long bouts in the ICU I can say with candor that if you were not humble on the way in, one certainly is on the way out! There is no dignity in being sick, in having tubes sticking into your body, in having no control over bodily functions, or the dubious gowns that one tries to keep oneself covered with and in being totally out of control and at the mercy of others. Illness reveals the fragility of our bodies – as does old age, when our bodies slowly betray us and the “clay pots” the Apostle Paul calls our earthly bodies cracks and crumbles.

It was humbling to go to Physical Therapy after my first long hospital stay and to learn how to walk and balance again after 36 days in bed. Or Occupational Therapy where they wanted me to count money and take timed tests of motor function – I failed miserably. Or Speech Therapy where they tested my cognitive skills and memory (flunked there as well). I still have days of “brain fog” where the neurons don’t seem to connect very well.

I have a saying that means much to me: Nothing to prove, nothing to lose. That is how I want to live life. God made me who I am, he wired me the way He did, He has given me a special work to do for Him. I don’t have to prove that I am anything other than who He made me to be and if I have nothing to prove, I have nothing to lose when I fail or don’t live up to someone’s expectations.

That is freedom! Ironically, when I started to wake up from my coma at United Hospital, I kept saying “Nothing to prove, nothing to lose.” It was if I knew that if there was ever a time to practice that mantra it was then, when I was at my weakest.

This is the route to personal authenticity – a commodity in short supply in today’s world, even among Christ-followers. Pretence is a lie. It is also hard to keep up. Authenticity is honesty about who we are and what we struggle with and the challenges we face. Others are drawn to authenticity because it is real and many people are not very real. Authenticity also leads to a new way of thinking about who we need to please.

I have hit a wall! Help

Your ministry has grown and you are tired. You are no longer feeling the joy and enthusiasm you once did. You are peddling faster but still cannot keep up. The way you have done leadership does not seem to be working anymore.

If these apply to you and your situation and you feel like you have hit a wall understand that this is normal! It is not about you, it is about experiencing growth that has made the way you have done leadership as an organization outmoded. It is a symptom of a need for change that will allow you to breath again and help take your ministry to the next level.

At predictable levels of growth, walls are hit and one will keep hitting one's head against that wall until modifications are made to leadership. Hitting a wall simply means that you need to make some transitions.

Typically this will mean that as a leader you will need to refocus your work around a smaller number of focused areas. To put it another way, if you have been flying at ten thousand feet, you need to go to 20,000 feet and let someone else take over what you did at 10,000 feet. There will be a sense of loss but refocusing your work is critical to breaking through the wall.

This will mean helping your staff refocus their efforts as well so that some of what you used to do is done by others. They in turn will need to give some things away so that they can refocus their efforts as well.

Often decision making structures will need to be refined. Boards will often need to give staff the authority for day to day decisions so that they can focus on the overall ministry and looking toward the future. Staff configurations will often need to change with a smaller lead team at the top.

If you have hit a wall I have two suggestions. First talk to a leader who has worked through the transition you need to make and find a coach to help you rethink how you are leading and what your priorities are. Second, consider reading Leading From the Sandbox which deals with these kinds of transitions.

Whatever you do, don't assume that your situation is unique. It is not. Everyone in leadership faces these transitions if your ministry is growing. Be encouraged, you can get beyond the wall.

Evaluating your leader: Nine simple questions

How is your leader doing as a leader? If you are a team member, here is a way of figuring that out. If you are a leader, here is a reminder of what is really important.

Does your leader bring great clarity to what the organization or team is about and how it will get there? That is job one of a leader. Clarity gives direction while ambiguity brings confusion.

Does your leader empower you to accomplish what you are tasked with through your gifts and wiring and without micromanagement? Empowerment values people while disempowerment devalues people.

Does your leader meet with you monthly as a mentor coach in order to remove barriers, help you move the ball forward and understand what you are doing? In doing so, does he/she provide you with honest and helpful feedback?

Does your leader keep his or her commitments and promises on a consistent basis? Good leaders don't ask their team to do what they do not do themselves.

Does your leader lead through their team or treat their team as ancillary to their "real" work? Do you feel that their number one job is to help the team be successful or that they are more concerned about their own work? Good leaders lead through their team.

Does your leader keep the team focused on results rather than activity? Are measurable results a focus of your leader? Do they help you strategize for achieving those results or is evaluation a secondary issue?

Does your leader foster a collegial atmosphere where team members work in concert with one another or are your team members isolated and siloed?

Is your leader open to honest feedback and suggestions or do you find them to be closed or defensive? Are there issues that are off limits for the team to discuss with their leader knowing that those issues are too sensitive to discuss?

If you had a choice today, would you sign up to work for the leader you work for? If yes why? If no why?

The Dangers of Isolation

I recently received news that a longtime ministry acquaintance, now retired had left his wife and filed for divorce. The few individuals who had the opportunity to talk to him about their concerns received no hearing. He was resolute and expressed no remorse.

This is a man who has a career of evangelical ministry behind him and in the twilight of his life has abandoned his wife. What he does not know is that this act of willful disobedience will hurt a lifetime of ministry influence.

Reflecting back on what I know about this friend there are a number of things that stand out. There is a long history of personal isolation and lack of accountability. Over the years, close friends were few. While he lived with people around him - he really lived in isolation because he did not share himself with others.

Isolation is more dangerous than we think it is. When we don't share our lives candidly with others - especially a group of trusted friends who can encourage us, speak truth to us, rub off on us, we end up living a hidden, guarded, isolated life. We neither open ourselves up honestly or are open to the influence of those around us. Isolated hearts become hard hearts because hidden parts of our life calcify rather than soften. In the end there was no one who this individual listened to - no one who could speak into his life.

A symptom of isolation is unaccountability. As I have reflected on my friend, there is a long history of his simply doing his own thing, regardless of what others said, thought or even supervisors requested. I guess this should not be a surprise: isolated hearts and lives breed unaccountability and a level of personal independence that is unhealthy - and dangerous.

While none of us know hearts my suspicion is that isolation toward others is also a symptom of isolation toward God and unaccountability toward others leads to unaccountability toward God. That is the ultimate danger in living in isolation and a lack of accountability.

I am sad, but take it as a cautionary tale for my own life.

Identifying and Removing Hidden Barriers to Growth

They are often hidden and not obvious but all ministries face barriers to growth that if not identified and removed will cause the ministry to plateau in its effectiveness.

One of those barriers is the leadership style, activities and priorities of the senior leader who is operating the same way they did when the organization was smaller. Since I blogged on this issue last week, two leaders have raised their hand and said, that is me - help me figure out how to lead differently so that I am not the barrier to growth.

Leaders and how they lead are responsible for much plateaued leadership. This is why it is very rare for a church to get much larger than 1,000 if it gets that far. As leaders continue to lead as they did when the church was 500, they effectively plateau the church unless changes are made.

Another barrier can be staff who were effective when the church was smaller but do not have the capacity to lead in their area as the Church grows. For instance, the larger the Church the more critical it is for staff to multiply themselves by training others and working through them. Some staff do that wonderfully. Some staff are always individual producers and cannot multiply themselves. Thus they become a barrier to growth in their area and when one area of ministry plateaus it causes other ministries to do so as well.

Ministry complexity can become a barrier to growth. Here is a counter intuitive observation. The larger the organization the more simple it must become if it is going to continue to grow. Growing ministries often go the other direction toward greater complexity. But complexity is difficult for leaders and members to get their hands around and the very complexity causes confusion, makes it hard to manage and diffuses ministry energy.

Another hidden barrier is either a lack of missional focus and clarity or confusing missional focus and lack of clarity. Again, the larger the organization the more critical it is for staff and volunteers to be clear on who they are, where they are going, how they are going to get there and what the end result of their ministry should be. Without this focus and clarity, ministries silo into their own orbit, people do what is right in their own eyes and ministry focus is hugely diffused.

Church governance that does not reflect its size if a common barrier to growth. Multiple boards, unempowered leaders, too many decisions that must go to the congregation are all barriers to growth because it simply takes too much time and energy to get anything done and the lack of permission granting leadership structures frustrates and takes precious time away from other leadership priorities.

A final hidden barrier to growth is the quality of congregational leadership on their senior board. I spoke recently to a pastor of a church of 1,200 whose leadership board is endlessly wrangling over petty issues, has no focus, wants to manage the staff and ministry, does not empower the senior pastor, cannot provide adequate direction and is not candid with the congregation. Here is a church that will never grow until the group is traded out for a group of leaders who know how to lead and are willing to do so.

Game Changers in Missions

Ministries in search of growth and more effective results often find themselves tweaking themselves endlessly. Tweaks are often needed to fine tune a ministry. But tweaks do not bring ministry breakthroughs. For that one needs to find the game changers.

Game changers are new ways of thinking or new ways of doing that significantly change the results that a ministry achieves - usually by significantly changing the way it goes about ministry in key ways.

The world of missions desperately needs game changers if it is going to meet the astonishing opportunities of reaching some 6 billion people with the gospel. Unfortunately many mission agencies are tweaking old paradigms rather than rethinking their strategies for how they do what they do. Here are some of the game changers that are making a major difference in missions today.

Partnering with others rather than doing missions in isolation. It is amazing how little cooperation there has historically been between mission agencies. Essentially instead of building the church each agency felt that it had to build its version of church - duplicating all the denominations from the United States to the global world. Jesus died for the church and not just our version of the church so any time we can partner with like minded ministries we leverage ourselves for greater ministry results.

Building the church, not simply our version of church. Here is a game changer for our mission - ReachGlobal. While we are the mission of the EFCA we are not intent on planting EFC churches globally. Yes we must have orthodox theology and we believe in the ethos of the EFCA. But, we are far more concerned that the churches we work with or initiate are healthy, interdependent, reproducing, self supporting and indigenous. What we are not concerned about is the name above the door. This means that we can come alongside multiple movements in a country, not just the ones that have the same name as us. This dramatically increases our spiritual influence. It has been a game changer.

Another game changer in missions is related to the previous one. Rather than simply assuming that one needs to start something new in an area of the world in which one is working, the first thing strategic missions do is to look around and see what God is already doing there and where possible, come alongside existing movements to help them multiply healthy churches. Where there are no local believers, evangelism and apostolic church planting is the work of the missionary. But where there are existing believers with a level of health, the first thing strategic missions do is to see if they can come alongside of them. Of course, this requires that the mission is not simply committed to building their brand of the church denominationally. Those that are limit themselves significantly.

Coming alongside existing believers to expand the church leads to another kind of game changer. Rather than simply focusing on what mission staff can do, the focus is now on developing, empowering and releasing indigenous workers for the harvest and therefore moving from addition (what I can do) to multiplication (what we can do). In this scenario, missionaries see themselves more as coaches of others as they work alongside and serve those they are partnering with.

This leads to a mindset game changer. If we are not simply building "our brand" and if we are empowering others and lifting them up we no longer own anything, control anything or count anything as ours. That is a massive mind set change for western missions and it represents a humility and service mindset rather than the "expert" and "in charge" mindset. It significantly changes how we are seen by those we partner with.

One of the ultimate game changers takes place when empowered and encouraged indigenous partners take on their own responsibility for sending missionaries. This has happened with our African movement partners who two years ago formed Reach Africa for the sending of their own missionaries and they are already training dozens of pastors and church planters in areas where the church is not yet present. ReachGlobal partners with Reach Africa as equals in the mission endeavor - a powerful combination.

One final game changer comes when Western mission agencies start to bring on their staff leaders from the parts of the world where they work in significant leadership positions. They bring with them a wealth of cultural understanding, strong understanding of the issues faced in their part of the world along with the very relationships the agency needs to increase their influence. In recent years we have grafted into our leadership Indonesian, Egyptian, Lebanese, and Kenyan leaders. They, and others to come are changing ReachGlobal in a wonderful way and are helping us be far more effective as a mission.

It is time for mission agencies to embrace a new paradigm and a new relationship with indigenous partners. It has never been easier to reach more people with the gospel than it is today. Whether we respond to that challenge is up to us. I don't want to settle for anything less. You?

Signs that your board needs renovation

You are frustrated by the pace of decision making.

It is necessary to get the approval of more than one group in order to get something done.

You find your board revisiting issues you thought you had already settled.

You discuss issues that have nothing to do with leadership and should be decided at another level.

Your are bored on the board.

Board members find it hard to make key directional decisions because of fear that some in the congregation will resist and complain.

Your board meetings are poorly planned and led.

There is confusion or conflict over what place the congregation, staff team or board plays in leadership or decision making.


Your board does not have a clear job description and understand its responsibilities.


You find that you spend more time 'managing' day to day activities than thinking and planning for the future.

There are elephants in the boardroom that are off limits for discussion.


You cannot identify the clear 'preferred future' for your congregation and there is not a shared dream of the board.

Your board and staff do not have clear annual ministry goals and plans.


You are frustrated with the number of decisions that need to go to the congregation for approval.


You have nice people on the board but not enough leaders.

There is not a high level of unity and relational health among board members.

Your church structure and bylaws hinder rather than help leaders make timely decisions.

Your board does not have ample time for prayer and study of Scripture, and to dream and plan for the future.


Your board does not have a covenant that spells out its procedural and relational practices.

Robust, honest, dialogue is not practiced.

You do not have an intentional process designed to find the very best leaders for your board.


You do not believe that your church is maximizing its ministry impact.


Your church has more than one elected board.

There is tension or confusion between staff and board over who is responsible for what.

You are not able to attract and retain the best leaders in your church to serve on your senior leadership board.


If a number of these statements are true for your board, consider reading High Impact Church Boards as a group. It will help you move toward greater board and leadership health.