When Life Comes Undone

Many who read this blog prayed for me over the last fifteen months as I was hospitalized with life threatening illnesses. Recently I shared the story of God's faithfulness in my life at my home church in a message entitled, When Life Comes Undone.

I would like to share that story with those of you who are interested. God is good - all the time.

When Life Comes Undone - The testimony of God's grace in my recent illnesses
http://stream.efca.org/reachglobal/when-life-comes-undone-tj-addington.mp3

To those of you who prayed....thank you!

It only takes one!

I have recently written on the issues of alignment and healthy teams and boards. What are the implications of having a member of your team who is not in alignment? This can happen when a team member:

• Is not in agreement with the direction of the team or organization
• Does not pull their own weight in terms of productivity and results
• Have attitudes that are counterproductive to healthy team: cynicism, sarcasm, untrusting, etc.
• Does their own thing and are not committed to working as a productive team member
• Has Emotional Intelligence (EQ) issues that disrupt the health of the team
• Are not teachable or coachable

Here is the reality: it takes only one member of the team to pull down the rest of the team, and to take a huge emotional toll on the other team members and the team leader. And, to hurt the overall missional effectiveness of the organization.

Because ministries are about "grace" we often do not handle these situations, hoping they will resolve themselves or go away. They rarely do without intentional and direct intervention. Where we do not resolve we unfairly punish the rest of the team who must live with the unhealth of one member, and we hurt the missional effectiveness of the organization.

Here are some suggestions for dealing with this kind of situation:

1. Provide very direct feedback in person and followed up in writing indicating the problems and the necessary changes that are necessary if they are to continue to play a role on the team and in the ministry. Be direct, be honest and be defining.
2. Establish time parameters in which the issues must be resolved or they will be placed on a probationary status. If they need additional coaching during this time, provide it and always give honest direct feedback verbally and in writing.
3. If there is not adequate progress, place the individual on a probationary status (in writing - always document) with the understanding that if there is not appropriate resolution that they will not be able to continue on the team or with the organization.
4. Be willing to let them go and transition them out of the organization if they do not meet the requirements of the probationary period.

Your willingness as a leader to take appropriate steps in cases like this sends a powerful message to the rest of your team that you care about their health and the health of the organization. When one does not take these steps the opposite message is sent - and clearly read that we are an organization that does not take health seriously.

The emotional and energy toll that is paid for an unhealthy team member is higher than we realize until the issue has been resolved and we realize the price we paid. Ministry is tough enough. We make it easier when we deal with those individuals who pull the rest of the team down.

Ministry and Team Alignment

How aligned or in sync is the team you lead or the team you are a part of? Many ministry teams look like the picture above with everyone doing their own thing or going in their own direction. Or, various teams going in different directions. While it may be convenient that way - one can do their own thing - it is not a prescription for maximum ministry impact.

Many ministry leaders believe that they are aligned if people have collegial relationships. It is alignment around relationship. One ministry leader I worked with believed that if only people prayed together, their hearts would come into alignment and therefor all would be well. It was alignment around spirituality. Many church staffs believe that alignment is about communication - making sure everyone else knows what each ministry is doing. Now collegial relationships, spiritual fellowship and communication are are great for a team but they are not the true basis of alignment.

In fact, the first two alignment strategies above, an emphasis on close relationship and fellowship, actually complicate true alignment because it takes the emphasis off of missional success and puts it on everyone feeling good about each other. Frank, honest, robust dialogue around missional issues rarely happens where the highest priority is that we are "best friends."

Real alignment means that the directional, value, and missional arrows are all pointed in one direction. That is, we operate by the same values or guiding principles, we are passionate about the same mission, we understand the central ministry focus of our organization and we are committed to the same outcomes. Very few ministry organizations can claim that kind of alignment but it is the key to maximizing our ministry's potential.

In order to get that kind of alignment it is first necessary to clarify the core principles by which one is going to operate, the mission one has and the outcomes one desires. Without clarity on those issues alignment is not really possible.

It is precisely because most ministries have not defined these that they end up trying to align around relationship, fellowship or communication. But these will not get the arrows all pointed in the right direction. It may give an illusion of alignment but it is not true alignment.

Once one has clarified what we call the "sides of our ministry sandbox" one can then ask every individual and each team to align themselves around those core commitments or in our terminology, play inside the same sandbox. The larger a ministry is the more critical it is that everyone is working off the same play sheet. The phrase in the book of Judges that "everyone did what was right in their own eyes," was not a commendation but a criticism.

If you were to ask the team you lead or the team you are a part of, "What really aligns us and keeps us in sync what would they say? You might want to ask the question. At best, lack of alignment causes leaks in ministry impact. At worst, it causes misunderstanding, lack of clarity and lack of objective ways to measure success.

If you need help in getting to alignment, the book, Leading from the Sandbox can help. It is all about how to build and maintain an aligned team or organization.

What does God have for me today?

Dumb things Church Boards do!

Fail to clarify what is critical for the congregation

Good leaders clarify and communicate mission, guiding principles, central ministry focus and what spiritual vitality looks like. Without clarity, there is not direction and without direction there is no focus. It is accidental rather than intentional ministry.

Focus on the small stuff

The small details of church life do not move the ministry forward. It is certainly not the task of church boards to deal with the small rocks. It is easy to be deceived that the small day to day details are important. They are for someone - but not for the board which is responsible for clarifying and driving the large important issues of mission.

Don't resolve conflict

Unresolved conflict either on the board or within the congregation kills missional effectiveness and hijacks needed energy for ministry. Wise boards never allow unresolved conflict to fester - they deal with it.

Don't police themselves

Many boards allow behavior that is sinful, counterproductive or simply poor leadership. Wise boards ensure that their behavior is a model for the congregation and that their time is wisely spent on the important issues - including coming to decisions in a timely fashion. Wise boards have leadership covenants that each member signs that spells out how they work together.

Are intimidated by the few loud voices

Too many boards acquiesce to loud voices in the congregation and surrender to those voices even when they know that God is calling them to action. Wise leaders are not intimidated by loud voices who usually represent far less influence than they think they have.

Allow someone in the church to have informal veto power over church decisions

No one person has the authority to decide what the congregation does or does not do. In fact, no leader by themselves have that authority but only the board together and the congregation as it follows. Wise leaders do not allow any individual to control the direction of the church. And when necessary, they face them down.

Don't guard the gate

Who gets into leadership matters. Not guarding the leadership gate is one of the most foolish things boards and congregations do. Poor leaders will give you poor leadership and one bad apple can ruin the whole bunch. Whoever chooses leaders actually has the most power for good or ill in the church. Ensure you have a way to ensure the right leaders are chosen. In this matter, churches get what they deserve.

Allow elephants in the room

Elephants are those issues that everyone knows are there but no one is willing to name or deal with. Unfortunately those elephants are usually the very issues that MUST be resolved if the congregation is to move forward. Ignoring the elephants is not only dumb but deeply harmful.

Don't use an agenda and stay on task

Agendas may seem pedestrian but they are not. Agendas force boards to prioritize their work and stay on task - dealing with the big rocks rather than the pebbles and sand. Board meetings without agendas are a sign of accidental and non-prioritized leadership.

Don't empower staff

Boards that do not empower their staff to design and manage day to day ministry are doing management by committee. It has never worked and never will work but church boards try to do it all the time. Staff designs, board refines! Boards determine policy and direction, staff manage day to day ministry and ensure that the policy and direction are carried out. Boards do governance and staff ensures day to day ministry happens.

The Game of Chess and Decision Making

The game of chess can provide us with some lessons for decision making. Chess is all about understanding and predicting how your move will be met by your opponent. Great chess players run through an analysis of the potential ramifications of their move and what the consequences might be.

Good decision making does the same thing. Every decision has ramifications for others and, if we are not careful, unintended consequences. Wisdom is to try to understand and predict how our decision will be met by others and the potential ramifications of that decision. Decisions impact people so wise leaders try to understand that impact before they announce their decision.

Some of the questions to consider when one is making a decision are:

• Who will be impacted?
• What are the potential downsides?
• Why might it be resisted and by whom?
• What is your strategy for dealing with that resistance?
• What kind of preparation or explanation will alleviate resistance and even garner support?
• If someone made this decision for you what would you want to know?
• Have you run the decision by trusted colleagues who can give you a read on potential "unintended consequences?"
• Do you need to prepare people by letting them know what you are thinking and allow for input?

The goal is to be aware of both consequences and response so that you can be strategic in rolling out a decision that has impact on others and minimize the downsides. The larger the decision the more critical it is to take the time to think through how it will be received.

Where it is possible a best practice is to tell staff or your board what you are thinking of doing and why so that they can give you any feedback before you pull the trigger. Giving them the opportunity to dialogue with you beforehand helps them process what is coming and may give you valuable information that might either cause you to tweak the decision or know how to sell the decision.

Another best practice is to talk with a colleague outside your organization who has not skin in the game and let them ask you the questions you may not have thought of.

The key is not to be surprised - in chess and in decision making.

Reframing the Question

It is our natural default when something bad happens to us: Why? Why me? A few months ago while lying in an ICU in Bangkok on a ventilator with massive pneumonia and Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS) - my second severe bout with both I asked that question. But then I was forced to ask a second question: Why not me?

The television for the two weeks of my stay was glued on CNN and their coverage of the war in Gaza. I watched the men, women and children being ferried into inadequate hospitals with inadequate medical help and was reminded how fragile our world is and life in this broken world. So why should I be exempt from that brokenness?

Job asked the "why" question and God was gracious to him but He did not answer the question. What he did say was, I am God, I am great, I have my reasons and I am with you.

In the past month I have lost three friends and the son of another friend is paralyzed from the chest down due to a skiing accident - at 17. Why? In the past year and a half I have booked 65 days in the hospital. Why?

Job discovered that God is so great that His ways are inscrutable. What does not make sense to us makes perfect sense to Him. And we are not exempt from brokenness of our broken world. So, what is the question to ask? I believe it is "what" and "how" not "why."

The first question is "how." How will I choose to respond when life is not fair and the cards dealt me are not the ones I would choose? That is not easy when the cards are tough or unfair cards. I faced that in the ICU because the odds were that I might well not survive.

In my pain and limited ability to focus I chose to hang on to the words of Jesus to the disciples: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid" (Matthew 14:27). Those words were my lifeline during some very long, hard painful days.

Pain and suffering are interesting friends or foes. As a friend they can drive us closer to God if we will allow them to. As a foe they can drive us from God to a life of bitterness and diminished dreams if we let them. We choose whether we see them as a friend or a foe and our choice determines the path we take after that. Those who choose the path of bitterness do so because they keep asking the "why" question. Those who choose the path of following God more closely do so because they focus on two other questions.

There is a second question worth asking: "What does God want me to learn through this?" That does not mean we deserve it, or that God is punishing us or that He wanted us to suffer. We live in a broken world and we "share in the fellowship of His sufferings" while here. But, it is also true that it is in the hardest times that we learn the greatest lessons about God, life and us. As C.S. Lewis said, "pain is God's megaphone."

I have filled a journal of lessons I learned through my 65 days in the hospital over three stints. They include his love, his grace, his sovereignty, his ability to do the miraculous in our day and many other lessons. I realize in a new way the gift that each day is and I empathize with those who suffer in a whole different way. In the end my pain was a gift that taught me lessons I would not have learned any other way.

I also know that the "why" questions will become plane on the other side of eternity. This side the question is how will I respond and what does God want to teach me. If we get that right, the "why" will all make sense in a little while!

Climbing out of a Hole

It has happened to each of us. We have dug a hole for ourselves by treating someone with lack of dignity, marginalizing them, holding bitterness or maligning them to others and our attitude and actions have hurt them and hurt ministry and possibly hurt the team with which we work. Bottom line we are in a deep hole that we need to extricate ourselves from.

Often, our first thought is "how do I get out without too much embarrassment:" Our concern is for ourselves rather than for the harm we have caused or the sin we have committed. It goes to the fallen nature of our hearts.

What we should be asking before we do anything is "How did I get here? Why did I do what I did? Was it my pride, my arrogance, my desire to get my own way? Did I not listen to others? Did I have an agenda that I was driving that got in the way of relationships, team process or the feelings of others? What sinful attitudes on my part contributed to what I did? Am I harboring bitterness, ill will or wrongly attributed motives toward others?"

Before we try to make the wrong right, we need to understand our own hearts and take a hard, surgical, painful look at how we got to where we got. Most people, even when they need to make things right, sidestep this hard look - it is too painful. But without acknowledging the true and full nature of our fallenness, our sin and how we got into the hole we are in, our efforts to get out of the hole will be less than perfect. Glossing over the issues will actually hinder our efforts to make things right.

Once we have taken the hard look, we need to come completely, fully, transparently clean with those we have hurt - whether it is one person, a team, or a group. It is not enough to apologize to those we have hurt if we have also maligned them with others. That is an insincere apology. It is an apology that makes us feel better but that does not acknowledge the full extent of our wrong and to others and until we are willing to make the full wrong right, we remain guilty for the sin we have committed against others that has not been dealt with.

Real repentance is all about humility. Humility takes place when we recognize and name the full extent of our sin and resolve that sin to the full extent of our ability. When we choose not to fully come clean our pride is still ruling our hearts because our true strategy is to apologize to the extent we need to but to continue to preserve our dignity. It is a disingenuous repentance that remains committed to protecting ourselves rather than fully acknowledging what we have done to others. It is a self-focused apology.

Finally, to the extent of our ability we need to make our wrong right with those we have gossiped with, maligned others with, or divided by our sinful attitudes or actions. This is the hardest step but until this step is taken we have not made right our offense. To not do so is to make ourselves feel good (we asked for forgiveness) but to leave the results of our sin (what we have said to others about another) simmering with its painful ramifications. For now there are barriers between those we spoke to about another that remain until we make right what we made wrong.

Wise men and women make right what they have made wrong. Foolish men and women do not. One is a way of humility. The other is a way of pride. One is a way of righteousness. The other is a way of the fallen sinful nature.

Climbing out of a hole we have created is hard, but it is possible, if we will humble ourselves and do what we need to do - all of what we need to do to make it right. The hole is dark. The sunshine of freedom at the top is wonderful. There is pain in making the climb out but the freedom at the top is wonderful. And we won't want to have to make that kind of climb again

Leadership Capital: Deposits and Withdrawals

At any one time leaders have a finite amount of leadership capital in their wallet. Deposits are a whole lot better than withdrawals because when the wallet is empty it does not matter what position one has, no one is following anymore.

Deposits are made intentionally and withdrawals are usually made inadvertently.

On a personal level, leaders receive deposits when they are open and approachable, care about their staff, are consistent in their behavior, keep their promises, take ownership for their mistakes, are seen as accountable and want the very best for those who work under them.

Withdrawals come when leaders are unapproachable or defensive, do not encourage open dialogue, are not perceived to care about staff, don't keep their promises, blame others for failure, are inconsistent with their behavior or are seen as unaccountable.

Leaders who experience many withdrawals often do not even know it because they are not open enough to receive the feedback that would tip them off to those withdrawals. It often takes great courage for someone to speak the truth to them about behaviors that are causing them to lose leadership capital.
On an organizational level, leaders gain capital when they clarify ministry direction, empower staff to play to their strengths and use their gifting, resolve organizational or staff issues rather than ignore them, give others credit for success and take responsibility for failure, encourage and hold people accountable for ministry results.

They lose capital when they control rather than empower, don't deal with issues, are fuzzy about ministry direction and don't pay attention to results.
Because we often are blind to areas where we may tend to lose capital it is essential to have people who will give one feedback and who have permission to tell us when withdrawals are being made. I have people that I trust who are always free to tip me off when inadvertent withdrawals are taking place that I would not have recognized myself.

It is an interesting exercise to ask trusted colleagues what actions cause withdrawals and what actions cause deposits. You might be surprised by what you learn.

As noted in the previous blog, paying attention to what is going on around us is important to understanding where one stands with deposits and withdrawals.

There are times when a leader makes a conscious decision to address an issue that he or she knows will involve a withdrawal because it is not popular. Popularity is not the goal, respect is. But, in order to make a withdrawal one has to have capital in the bank. Too many withdrawals and not enough deposits will eventually erode the ability of a leader to lead.

Key decisions that require withdrawals need to be considered carefully. If there is not enough capital - and one knows that the decision will therefore be problematic, wise leaders wait until the capital is present. Timing is as important as the decision itself. Poor timing without enough capital will make it more difficult to move forward later.

Leaders who are intentional in building their leadership capital have the greatest opportunity to maneuver because there is a bank account of good will and trust. What is in your bank account?

Parched: When God Seems Absent

I spoke recently with a friend who was suffering from a long dry spell in his relationship with God. Used to a high degree of intimacy and relationship with Christ, it now seemed that God had gone silent. Silence from heaven can be deeply discouraging. We ask, why? Is it me? Is it God? Why the silence.

When I lay for two week in the intensive care in Thailand this past January I felt much the same thing. There was no wonderful warm feeling of God's presence and I was lying awake on a vent, feeding tube, multiple lines into various parts of my body thinking I might not make it through.

And I had a lot of time to think since I could not sleep and was not put into a coma. I hung onto the words of Jesus in Matthew 14 to the disciples in the account where Jesus walked on water.

"Take courage! It is I, Don't be afraid." - Jesus

"Lord, save me!" - Peter

"You of little faith," he said, "Why did you doubt?" - Jesus

I remembered that "Fear not" is the most repeated command in Scripture. I remembered how often Jesus said, "I am with you." A command and a statement that I knew to be true, even though emotionally I did not feel it to be true.

And I thought through the connection between faith and doubt. Faith is not based on emotion or some warm feeling on intimacy - nice as that is. As the writer of Hebrews writes, "Now faith is being certain of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (or feel?). This is what the ancients were commended for." Hebrews 11:1-2.

I concluded laying in that bed, being kept alive by a machine that could breath for me, enduring the pain of the regular cleaning of the vent where they vacuumed deep into my bronchial cavity, that my job was to believe all that I knew to be true and banish the doubt that crept in.

Faith is developed when we have to exercise it and we exercise it the most in times of drought, when all is not well, when God seems silent, when we are hurting, or scared, or at the end of our wits.

Interestingly, the one time that I felt the Lord's presence strongly was when others came to pray for me. At those moments I knew that God was there, even though he was largely silent to me. In times of drought, find others who will pray with you and for you.

Being at the end of ourselves is a wonderful place to be because all that is left is God - and in the end God is all that we really need.

There is a Psalm that says it well. "Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage." Pilgrimage is not easy. It takes us through deserts and to the oasis. The oasis is easy and the desert is hard. But it is in the desert that we choose to exercise our faith and it is there that our faith is proved and grows.

God is never absent. We may think him absent. In reality he is doing us a favor but helping us build our faith. And Jesus says in those times "Take courage it is I, Don't be afraid."

Ministry and Spiritual Warfare

Our world is a battle zone between the forces of God and the forces of the evil one who is committed to disrupting and destroying everything that God wants to do to repair a broken world and bring His good news to lost men and women. The problem is that the battle is unseen. We see its effects and feel its reality but we are easily lulled into thinking that if we simply do the right thing that people will respond to the gospel.

There is no more seminal passage on this than that of Paul’s in Ephesians 6.

”Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.”

Paul truly believed that a battle is being fought in the heavenly realms and that the truth of the word, the transformation of salvation and the practice of prayer are both the defensive and offensive weapons of the believer. He constantly asked for prayer for his own ministry as he does in verse 19, knowing that prayer was the key to engaging the help of God’s Spirit.

If there is a front line to God’s work it is the ministry of missions where there is a concerted effort to reclaim territory from the enemy. As in any battle, the more aggressive the effort, the more aggressive the response. The enemy holds billions of our world’s population captive to false religions, materialism and personal satisfaction. And the enemy has no intention of giving up any substantial ground to Christ.

There is a reason that Islam so militantly hates Christianity and will do anything in its power to stop it: It is enemy territory and its people are held captive by Satan. There is a reason that radical Hinduism will go as far as to kill believers: it is enemy territory that the evil one believes belongs to him. There is a reason that so many in our world are held captive in animism and fear of the spirits. It is the enemy’s way of keeping billions from looking to Christ.

There is a reason that Western Europe is so hard to the gospel. The enemy has used materialism and humanism as false but alternative routes to truth. There is a reason that many Buddhists are resistant to the gospel: the enemy has convinced them that there are many possible routes to truth and God. As Paul said, “Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light" (2 Corinthians 11:14). The account of Paul’s missionary journeys in the book of Acts were a constant battle between the truth of the gospel and the resistance of Satan.

We will never know until eternity the full extent of the unseen all out war that is taking place around us but blind to us apart from seeing the effects. The prophets Daniel and Ezekiel, however give us glimpses of that spiritual war and the New Testament proclaims it’s reality.

Paul, the greatest New Testament figure in the spread of the Gospel and the first major missionary constantly spoke of the need for prayer in his ministry and the proclamation of the gospel. He knew that he was treading on enemy soil and that offensive and defensive weapons were needed to see success.

It is highly significant that the inauguration of Christ’s ministry was marked by two distinct events. The first event was the baptism of Jesus by John the Baptist. As soon as Jesus was baptized “heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, ‘This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased (Matthew 3:16-17).’”

That testimony from heaven itself was the enemy’s deepest fear and the realization that this, finally, was the One who would crush him (Genesis 3:15), who would bless the nations through Him (Genesis 12:1-3), who would suffer and rise again (Isaiah 53), who would overcome the evil one and reign triumphant (Daniel 9-12), the one whom he had tried to eliminate through Herod’s killing of the children at Christ’s birth.

His adversary from the days of the garden had finally arrived in person on his soil and the battle lines were drawn. For He came with a proclamation of an eternal and holy Kingdom that would encroach on the enemy’s territory.

And the enemy knew it - for the second event of the inauguration of Christ’s ministry was a direct attempt by Satan to subvert his calling in the temptation of Jesus in the wilderness. Here was an amazing scene: the God of the universe in personal confrontation with the devil himself. Finally, the devil had the opportunity to personally confront and tempt the One who he had feared since the fall, and with the rebuke of Christ, would continue to fight a losing but bruising battle until the final battle when heaven rules supreme.

The temptation of Christ serves as a lesson to us. If the devil had the audacity to challenge the God of the universe, what will keep him from challenging and confronting us as we seek to take back what rightfully belongs to God and to turn the hearts of people from captivity and bondage and sin to freedom and grace and righteousness! At every level he will challenge the gospel and the greater the threat, the greater the pushback.

That is why the spread of the gospel is often accompanied by the blood of the saints. In 1 Corinthians 16:9 Paul connects the great open door he has in Ephesus with many who oppose him. Great opportunity usually comes with great opposition.

It is foolish and naïve for us to think that we can engage in this front line battle without the greatest spiritual protection that we can possibly gather. The most important thing we can do is to ensure that we have the offensive and defensive weapons that Paul speaks of in Ephesians 6, recognizing the reality of the battle and our deep need for spiritual resources to fight what is a spiritual war.

My family experienced that first hand in my hospitalization between December 4, 2007 and January 14, 2008. For thirty five days I lay in the ICU hovering between life and death. When my son put up a blog to keep people informed and call them to prayer, some 10,000 unique users accessed that blog from 50 states and 75 countries – earnestly interceding on my behalf.

The common understanding among them was that this was an intense spiritual battle. I lay helpless, in a coma, with at least five medical conditions that should have killed me, yet with the intercession of many, none of them did and the mitral valve in my heart was healed miraculously when doctors said only surgery could repair it but surgery would have been fatal. For some reason this spiritual battle was intense and it took thousands of prayer warriors over the course of a month to overcome the arrows of the evil one.

Spiritual warfare is real. To engage in missions without significant attention to the need for spiritual protection and the offensive work of the Spirit is like walking into the battle of the Bulge without a weapon or a helmet or a platoon: dangerous, foolish and in the end fruitless.

Emotional Intelligence in Missions

It is my conviction that one of the most neglected areas in the choosing, training and acceptance of missionaries is that of their emotional intelligence (EQ). Many of the problems that mission teams face revolve around individuals who have poor EQ - causing significant health issues for the team.

Think of these traits and their impact on healthy teams:
-Inability to forgive
-Holding onto hurt
-Assuming poor motives of others without trying to clarity with them what their motives actually are
-Consistent cynicism
-A propensity toward negative attitudes
-Difficulty in accepting those whose views differ from theirs
-A need to have their own way
-Difficulty in maintaining positive relationships with others
-Paternalism in dealing with nationals

These are examples of poor emotional, relational or spiritual emotional intelligence (EQ) and any of these traits compromise the health of teams who often need to work together in the pressured environment of cross cultural ministry. If you are a missionary and have ever encountered these issues you know how toxic these attitudes can be and how much emotional energy is expended in dealing with them.

In their drive to increase their mission force, many missions gloss over these issues and accept candidates with poor EQ. The same can be said for many field leaders who are not perceptive in who they recruit or deploy, assuming that the positive will outweigh the negative.

This is a major mistake that many agencies and teams are realizing as they deal with the fallout of unhealthy individuals.

The result is a significant lack of health on many mission teams globally and great pain caused to other team members who are healthy.
EQ is the ability to understand ourselves, know what drives us, accurately see how we are perceived by others, and know how we relate to others. EQ also measures whether we have the relational skill to work synergistically with others while being 'self defining' and allowing others to speak into our lives or work without defensiveness.
Signs of poor EQ include the inability to listen to others, personal defensiveness, unawareness of how we come across to others, lack of sensitivity to the feelings of others, inability to constructively deal with conflict, a need to control others, narcissism, and the need to have our own way.
Good EQ includes openness to the opinions of others, lack of defensiveness, awareness of who we are and how others perceive us, sensitivity to others, the ability to release others rather than control them, allow for constructive and robust dialogue, and the ability to abide by common decisions.
It is my conviction that mission agencies and mission teams are better off with fewer but healthier missionaries than to compromise on issues of emotional, relational or spiritual health. And, there are ways to measure these.
Where health is problematic those issues ought to be addressed before candidates are accepted. Where they exist on the field, the need to be addressed for the health of the individual, the team and the organization.
Not addressing these issues is unfair to the many healthy and productive personnel that you have in your agency. When an organization does not make health of their personnel a priority, it is the healthy personnel who suffer and its toll on teams is huge.
The number of our personnel should not be our measure of organizational success. The health of our personnel should be. And making health a priority in recruitment, care, and intervention when necessary is critical for healthy ministry and its success.

Hearing God's Voice

Something we pay far to little attention to in my view is that of intentionally listening for the voice of God in our lives. My guess is that anyone who has followed Christ for any period of time can think of instances where God clearly spoke to them about a life issue.

God speaks through his word, through circumstances, and through others. But God often speaks to us personally as well - if we will listen, and understand ourselves well enough to know how he usually communicates with us.

When I was in the hospital a year and a half ago, hovering between life and death for long weeks, God clearly told my wife, "It will be close but T.J. will live." That promise was one she clung onto for the 35 days I was in the Intensive Care Unit moving from one crisis to another. This past January when I was in a similar situation in Thailand, God again spoke to her.

For most of us, those kinds of instances are rare. The question is, how does God speak to us and how can we sensitize our lives to his voice?

God normally speaks to me when I am quiet and thinking, or writing. Not with words like he did with Mary Ann but clear impressions or ideas that he drops in my mind. For Mary Ann it is normally when she is quiet with God doing her Scripture study. For a friend of mine who works with AIDS kids and women in Thailand God often speaks to her through the interactions she has with those she cares for.

I have another friend who sees pictures when he prays for people in "prophetic prayer" and God uses those pictures to encourage those he is praying for. For others it is a God given impression or prompting to do something that does not go away.

God speaks to each of us in unique ways just as he created us as unique individuals. The challenge is to recognize how he usually communicates with us and then ensure that we are tuned in to his voice. Since God normally speaks to me in times of thinking and solitude, I know that when I am over busy and tired that I may not hear him. My challenge is to orient my life so that I can hear if he wants to communicate.

I do believe that we underestimate the desire that God has to communicate to us regarding issues in our lives. Because of our busyness and the general media clutter that incessantly assaults our minds it takes intentionality to hear him. I for one want to hear his voice when he chooses to speak.

Understanding Sharia Law

To understand Islam and the threat that Islam poses to the world one must understand Sharia (the body of Islamic law) which deals with every aspect of a Muslim's life: marriage; business; sexuality; politics; how one raises their children; the rights of women; punishment for crimes and multitudes of other issues. Unlike the west, in Islam, there is no distinction between civil law and religious law: there is simply Sharia.

Many do not understand that the goal of Islam is to become the religion of the world and under Islam, there is no freedom of religion. Take Egypt for instance. It is legal and easy to convert from Christianity to Islam but it is illegal to convert from Islam to Christianity and such a move can be punishable by jail or death.

Under Sharia, all non Muslims are second rate citizens. There is one set of rules for Muslims and another set of rules for non-Muslims. Under Sharia, women are denied even the most basic rights. Under Sharia it is forbidden to question any part of the Koran so there is little discussion about controversial issues.

Sharia is extrapolated from the Koran which is exceedingly unfriendly to non-Muslims. Consider these statistics from the book Cruel and Usual Punishment:

"There are 35,213 Qur'an verses, hadiths, Sharia laws, and various Muslim scriptures commanding and encouraging killing, violence, war, annihilation, corporal punishment, hatred, boycott, humiliation and subjugation aimed mainly against non-Muslims. The majority population of non-Muslims in democratic nations must be concerned about such scriptures, and they must be protected from those who will act upon such commandments."

As Muslim populations grow in our own country, it pays to understand the system that comes with it if we are going to minister to and share the freedom of the gospel with them. Unlike other populations who come to our shores, there is little integration into an American way of life or thinking. Islam is insular and seeks to keep its populations insular as well.

For an insightful and disturbing overview of Islam I highly recommend the book Cruel and Usual Punishment by Nonie Darwish who grew up as a Muslim in Egypt and now lives in the United States. The book reveals much that Islam wishes we did not know and it will help you understand the dynamics that Islam brings with it as it seeks to expand across the globe - including our own country.

If you or your church is interested in learning how to reach out to Muslims in your area, check out The Crescent Project which has training and materials that both explain Islam and help believers understand how to share the gospel with Muslims. It's Bridges curriculum is second to none.

Also check out http://www.morethandreams.org/ for stories of what God is doing to reveal himself to Muslims across the world.

I am Troubled

I am troubled by the number of pastors today who are not preaching the Word but instead using outlines from books on various subjects, whether the family or psychology or other felt need publications. I am also troubled by those who don't do their own work with the text but simply use the messages they find on the web.

As an author it would be gratifying for someone to take my material and preach it - certainly it would stroke my ego. But, my material is not scripture. It is not God breathed. And neither is that of other authors. The authors that can claim that are those who wrote the sixty six books of the Bible.

I have to conclude that there are many pastors today who don't believe that actually preaching a text, or through a book of scripture believe that the scriptures won't do the job. It is not relevant enough. It will not draw the crowds. It cannot speak to real needs of real people. Why else would so many pastors abandon the text for other texts?

I conclude that they do not really believe the words of the apostle Paul who wrote, "All Scripture is God-breathed, and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work" (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

Or the numerous times Paul told Timothy to "Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage with great patience and careful instruction" (2 Timothy 4:2).

Is it any wonder that so few believers today understand what it means to follow Christ? Or the basic doctrines of Scripture? Is it any wonder that there is little to no spiritual transformation among those who claim to be Christ followers? If you wonder about that check out the Reveal study!

It is the Word that contains the words of God. It is the Word that exposes God's truth and speaks to our spirits. It is the Word that helps us understand what God desires for our lives.

Why have we abandoned the Word in so many cases and substituted cheap second rate sources for the Truth. God's Word is relevant and it can and will change lives. In fact, it is THE source of life change as the Holy Spirit speaks to our spirits.

But we have to believe that it actually has that power. Perhaps we have concluded that the Word is no longer relevant and it needs our help to make it so. Perhaps we are embarrassed by what it says. Perhaps we think it will not be a popular message.

The balance of Scripture is the balance of Christ. Grace and truth. We need grace desperately and we need truth equally desperately. The perfect balance is found in the very words of God.

It is the source of life. Let's preach it once again!

Hearth and Home

Years ago my son Jon hosted a "theological discussion" in our home during his high school years with a number of his friends. Today, they have all graduated from college and are on with their lives but they stay connected to us. Jon recently said, "You don't know how much you guys mean to them."

The comment was a surprise because all we had done was open our home. But what we missed was the fact that our home was a haven, a place of peace, fun, grace, acceptance and a sanctuary for some whose own homes were not.

Ironically, our home was smaller than their homes, had the oldest television, and the fewest toys. None of that mattered. It was a place of peace and refuge.

I was reminded of how important it is to ensure that in the chaos of our lives and world that our homes are places of peace, refuge, relationship and grace.

I love the world "hearth." It was the place around the fire where families would traditionally gather. They would enjoy the warmth, the fellowship and good food. Much of life revolved around the hearth.

With the insane schedules in today's world along with the distractions of Internet and television it is even more important to cultivate the warmth of the hearth whether we are empty nester's or a larger family. Like the warm glow from the window of the cottage above, the hearth is a place of safety, security and peace - if we will cultivate it.

It is not by mistake that hospitality is referenced so often in the New Testament. Inviting others into our homes is to invite them to our hearth, to the warmth of our hearts and the peace of our home. For some, like the students who came to our home in their high school years, it is a special place of refuge. For all it should be a place of fellowship and grace.

Recently we had a dinner with Jon and his friend Chris as Jon was leaving the Twin Cities for Knoxville and his life after college. His friend, Chris, hugged us and said, "let's not be strangers just because Jon is leaving." He still wants to join us at our hearth! It was a good reminder.

Incarnational Ministry - Going Viral

All of us who are involved in ministry - the local church - missions - or parachurch - want to make the largest difference we can for the cause of Christ and see the largest number of people changed by the gospel message.

That passion leads us to develop programs, ministries and events that will reach and impact the lives of those who participate. All good.

But, we often miss the most powerful, organic, and viral ministry strategy designed and modeled by the God of the universe - incarnational ministry.

Incarnational ministry is a lifestyle where we intentionally identify with those around us (our neighborhoods, workplaces, friends and circles of influence) in authentic relationship - sharing our lives, love, faith, time and resources just as God chose to identify with us in his incarnation.

It is not a program, it is a lifestyle. And it is viral. It requires no budget, no staff, no facilities - just the willingness of God's people to be His people to those around them. As God's love rubs off on others, it spreads to corners of our community that our churches would never touch through programs or events.

Jesus did not come with a program, he came with a life that he wanted to share with others. His challenge to his disciples was to become "fishers of men" like him. His method was to meet people where they were in relationship, love, grace, acceptance, truth, and practical help. It was life on life impact - the essence of incarnational ministry.

Helping incarnational ministry become the DNA of those in our congregations is far more powerful than all the programs we can develop - good as those are. And through incarnational ministry, a church of any size, fifty or five thousand can have an influence far beyond its size. It is powerful, organic, and viral.

And it is all too seldom an emphasis in congregations today. The Reveal study done by WillowCreek Church is a wake up call that our programmatic emphasis in the church today is not working. It is not producing disciples. It is not developing incarnational lifestyles. For all of our buildings, budgets, staffing and programming we are producing few fully devoted followers.

I believe we need to re-focus from the programmatic to the incarnational model.

What would happen this week if everyone in our congregations did one or more of the following things?

Encourage somone who needed encouragement

Prayed specifically for someone in need

Found quality time to spend with a friend, neighbor or co-worker

Shared something of their life story with authenticity

Helped fill a need in a tangible way

Life on life - viral and organic. Programs and events are great, incarnational ministry is essential and viral and powerful. Which are you putting the greatest emphasis on in your church? In your life?

Choosing and preparing new board members

One of the great challenges for healthy boards is the rotation of board members that is required in many churches. Every time a new board member is introduced to the board, the culture of the board changes. Boards are are intentional in moving in a certain direction may also find that the new member is not in sync and causes frustration for those who were already on the board.

I have suggested that the New Testament lays out a clear job description for board members as well as specific characteristics for the board members themselves. I also believe that boards should operate with a board covenant that spells out how they relate to one another, how they make decisions and the "game rules" for how the board operates.

Who you choose to serve on your board will have a direct impact on the missional effectiveness of your congregation. Yet congregations continue to pay far too little attention to the selection process, effectively sabotaging their future ministry when the wrong people are placed in leadership roles.

What should a selection committee look at when selecting potential board members? First they need to ask whether the individual meets the criteria laid out in the New Testament for church leadership. This includes asking the question as to whether they are really leaders. Non leaders do not belong in a leadership role. Non leaders on boards simply impede the work that a leadership board is meant to have.

Second, does the potential board member understand the ministry philosophy and direction of the church and can they support it? To put someone in leadership who is out of sync with the rest of the board or the staff is literally to throw a wrench in the gears. It is foolish. This means of course that the board actually has a philosophy and direction - essential elements to a healthy board.

Third, can the individual live by the board covenant and are they willing to sign the covenant? If not, they should not be placed on the board.

Fourth, do they understand the biblical role of the senior leadership board of the church - to keep the spiritual temperature high, ensure that people are cared for, release people into ministry, provide directional leadership, ensure biblical teaching and protect the flock?

Church leadership boards often have only the foggiest idea as to what they are actually responsible for and muddle around in minutia when what is needed is attention to the most critical spiritual and directional issues of the congregation.

All of this assumes that those who run the selection process understand these four issues as well. If they do not they will not be able to vet well or communicate up front what is expected. It is often said that the most powerful group in the church is actually the nominating committee since they "guard the gate" or in most cases don't.

If your board needs clarity on any of the issues above, "High Impact Church Boards" is a great place to start. Don't fly blind when choosing and preparing new board members.

Unspoken Board Discussions

Church boards are notorious for their unspoken discussions! Those are the issues that are present, that people know are present, but that either individual board members or the board itself does not have the courage to discuss as a board. The elephant in the room - often key issues for the church that require being named and dealt with but the culture of the board mitigates against it.

Many individuals do not like conflict and their definition of conflict is anything that might cause individual or group discomfort. So there is subtle pressure put on board members to be nice and not rock the boat by naming issues that are out there and need discussion. (The same dynamics can be had on almost any team.)

I recently read an article about Patrick Lencioni suggesting that one of the reasons that major financial institutions have found themselves in so much trouble recently is the prevailing culture on company governance boards to not deal with issues that would make others uncomfortable. So the culture of nice sabotages a culture of truth and effectiveness.

Pastors, leaders, board members or team members who choose not to speak in the face of real unspoken issues do a disservice to the organization they serve. The irony is that everyone generally knows that there are unspoken issues - they just don't want the discomfort of naming them.

Now how we speak to the issues is important. If I approach an unspoken issue and put it on the table it will be best received if: There is not a personal vendetta; my words are not meant to hurt; I don't have a hidden personal agenda; I want the best for the organization; I communicate in a way that invites rather than dis invites dialogue; I say it in love; and I acknowledge that the issue may make others uncomfortable.

The funny thing about "elephants" is that once they are named they are no longer elephants. I once worked with a group around a whiteboard and asked them to name every elephant they felt existed in their organization. We willed the white board (a bad thing) but once up there we could talk about all of them (a good thing). Once named an elephant is simply another issue that we are allowed to talk about. Unnamed it is one of the unspoken discussions that we know we need to have but don't have the courage to discuss.

Every board, team and organization is better off with a high level of candor coupled with a high level of trust which mitigates against the candor turning into anger or cynicism.

If you are brave, I would suggest that you ask your team or your board in a relaxed atmosphere to brainstorm on any unspoken board discussions you need to have, on any elephants that need to be named, white board them and then develop a plan to talk through them one by one.

Unspoken discussions are not discussions, just frustrations and they often hide real issues that unresolved will hurt the organization.

Lessons learned from ministry burn-out

Recently I addressed the issue of ministry burnout which is not uncommon among successful pastors or missionaries in their fifties. One of my cohorts who has experienced this is a founding pastor of a church that now runs around 2,000 people per Sunday.

As he has tried to make sense out of the growing lack of satisfaction in his role as senior leader and has thought through his sweet spot – the things he is good at and those things he is not good at, he offered the following seven observations that are worth considering.

1. We are an amalgamation of body, emotion, and spirit. These parts borrow from one another like good neighbors. But when all are depleted, bankruptcy follows. I kept borrowing and nearly lost the farm. Weariness is God's wake-up call that I am in debt in my life and need to pay down that debt before investing again.

2. I have learned that a good leader first cares for his own life. Sounds selfish, but it isn't if it is motivated properly from a devotion to stewarding God's resource, and a determination to lead long-term. I am advance blocking unstructured hours into my week to assure that I will retain time to do what I determine is most important. My schedule used to determine what was most important.

3. I have been learning what energizes and sustains me and what exhausts and drains me. I need to delegate the exhausting long-term job-related aspects of my life. I used to feel that was what I was paid for. Now I am pushing more down to others without losing sleep.

4. Growth brings good things, but also grief. There is a lot of loss that travels with growth: Loss of connection, Loss of control, Loss of old roles... and the list goes on.

5. Founders have full underwear drawers. We keep ill-fitting stretched out stuff that needs to gets tossed as our 'body' changes. Finding the courage to throw away old expectations and roles that don't any longer fit is essential of life is going to be good.

6. You will disappoint people no matter what. Choose the right people. Your own sense of calling, God and your family, and your closest colleagues are not the right people. I am being very intentional in choosing my priorities wisely, building structures and accountability to avoid disappointing the right people, but I am steeling myself to endure the judgment of those I do disappoint. I have learned that I am not good at 'no', so I am creating structures that can say 'no' for me... and an assistant who understands my priorities and steers appointments to others as needed.

7. Fun is holy. Without it planned into my life, I lose the ability to be renewed and carry joy and hope to others.

My friend also listed symptoms to pay attention to that may well be indications that not all is well and that a rethinking of roles, responsibilities and priorities is needed: I am sure many of us could add to this list.

Symptoms to pay attention to:

1. When you are so immersed in your job that you don’t plan anything fun anymore.
2. When a day off is a zombie-like shuffle through sadness that seems to have no clear source, not a day embraced with enthusiasm.
3. When work seems like it is all that is happening in your life.
4. When resentment over-takes satisfaction.
5. When a day off does not refresh you, and you resent having to go back to work.
6. When you are preaching about contentment, but you are discontented with your sermon. (Not proud of that one.)
7. When you resent people calling you or wanting to meet with you and you wish everyone would just leave you alone.
8. When people talk about the future and you feel numb.
9. When you have stopped laughing, and emotions seem to be just under the surface.
10. When you feel alone even though you are surrounded with people.
11. When you feel used and taken for granted.
12. When you have trouble sleeping at night, and trouble getting up in the morning.
13. When you are mostly irritable instead of mostly affable.
14. When you feel like everyone wants something from you, and you cannot possible meet all of their expectations… but you try anyway.
15. When people tell you. ‘You don’t look so good, you look tired, get some rest’ and you are stunned that they have no idea how tired and worn out you really are… and you wish you knew how to stop your schedule and just figure out your life.

Things that intrigue me

Doors: what is behind them?

Winding roads: where do they lead?

Lighted windows at night: who is home and what are they doing?

Planes taking off: where are they going?

People: what are they thinking?

Good spy stories: how will it end?

The new year: what will it bring?

I love the start of a new year. It is an adventure all over again, for me now 52 times. There is no way to know what will happen, what I will learn, what paths I will walk, what opportunities I will have, what challenges I will face. It is like opening a present little by little over the next twelve months, one piece at a time for 365 days!

Last year most of what I had planned was diverted by God with a long hospital stay. Where was the gift? In seeing God intervene, in being the object of his mercy, in being able to publish a book and finish another one, in more time with my wife than I have had in 20 years. What gifts did you unwrap last year?

One of my greatest gifts was watching it snow and enjoying Christmas with my family - celebrating the gift of life. It is funny how we lose sight of what is really important. God saved my life. That is important. I didn't need any other gifts this Christmas.

In a few days the gift of 2008 is history with all of its ups and downs. And the unfolding of 2009 starts. I see it as an adventure. Life may be good, or hard, certainly unpredictable, but as a Christ follower, just following Him wherever life leads is adventure enough. Every day a new door opens, or we see through a different window or turn another bend in the road. I relish the ride!