The most important items on a board's agendas are the ones that no one wants to talk about

 Here is an ironic truth: The most important things that most boards need to discuss are the very things that no one desires to put on the table because it is too controversial, will open a can of worms or be pushed aside because it is a political or personal hot topic. 

Here is a principle: If a board doesn't want to talk about a certain subject, that is the very subject that they ought to be talking about. First and foremost.

Why? Because those unspoken discussions are the real issues that are impacting your ministry. Everyone knows it but no one has the courage to put it on the table. It is an elephant in the room. But here is the thing about elephants:

Principle: Elephants are only elephants when they remain unspoken issues. Once you name an elephant, it is no longer an elephant. Rather, it is an issue and issues can be discussed.

But since these are often awkward conversations which is why no one wants to raise them, how does one raise those issues in a sensitive manner? The answer is simple: Ask permission.

Principle: When you have a sensitive subject on a board to raise, ask for permission to raise it! It is unlikely to be turned down and it gives people a chance to understand that something sensitive is coming.

For instance, "Folks, I have something I would like to put on the table that I think we all know is there but it is awkward for us to discuss so we leave it alone. Yet it has significant implications for our congregation. Do I have your permission to candidly share my concern?" The answer is almost always "yes, of course, please share." With that permission you have the opportunity to name the elephant which then becomes and issue that can be discussed. Do it gently and honestly and you will have a hearing.

Principle: When there are elephants in the room, most board members want a way to put it on the table but they don't know how. If one courageous and kind board member will put it on the table, others will almost always start to interact and relief takes place that we can at least start a conversation on an important subject.

If there are elephants in your boardroom, be the courageous one who asks permission to put it on the table and starts a conversation. Remember, the elephants that you don't want to discuss are in fact the most important things for you to discuss.

Truths for life from Psalm 23: This weeks devotionals

Who is your Shepherd?

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall lack nothing.” We read this in times of need: Psalm 23. We read it at funerals when our hearts need hope. To those who are sick and need encouragement. When we are walking through the toughest of times it becomes our prayer. It is easily the most recognized Psalm in Scripture. In this week’s Devos we will look at this amazing Psalm, which starts with a remarkable statement if you stop and think about it. Another translation has it this way: "The Lord is my shepherd; I have everything I need.”

Think for a moment on that first statement, “The Lord is my shepherd.” The God of the universe is my shepherd. I don’t know if you have ever been around a shepherd with his or her sheep. The thing about shepherds is that they would live with their sheep. You can still find shepherds caring for their sheep in many parts of the world. 

And what do these shepherds do? They protect their sheep, find the lost ones when they wander away, set bones when they break, bring them to places where the food is good and the water is fresh. They literally look after all the needs that the sheep have because by themselves, sheep very quickly wander off and get themselves lost and in trouble. To be honest that sounds a lot like me left to my own devices. Maybe you.

Sheep come to the shepherd because they recognize the shepherd's voice and know that with the shepherd they have security. They trust the shepherd to take them to the right places and when lost, they look for the shepherd. There is a deep relationship between a shepherd and their sheep. In historic times, the shepherd will sleep with the sheep to protect them even at night.  Thus the shepherd knows the sheep and the sheep know their shepherd. 

Against that backdrop, think of the implications of David’s statement that the Lord is my Shepherd. The God of the universe, the creator of all things, the high and lifted up and holy and all powerful, all knowing and all present God is my personal shepherd. He is the one who walks with me through life and even through the valley of death - those very tough times when hope is scarce and life is hard. He and no other is my shepherd who provides, protects, and gives me all that I need. The Lord is my shepherd, and yours, if you have made Him the Lord of your life.

That is why David can confidently say, “I shall lack nothing.” If my creator and the God of the universe is my personal shepherd, what can I lack? Or what can I be afraid of? So why do we worry like we do? Why do we live with fear and doubt and anxiety when the Lord is our Shepherd. There is no power or love greater than His. And we are His sheep. His!

Father, help me meditate on this simple and powerful truth today. “The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall lack nothing.” Thank you Jesus. Thank you! Amen.

The Ultimate Soulcare

My observation is that many of us have weary souls today. The pace of life, the stresses of our lives, the burdens we carry and the innumerable things we worry about. Add to that the 24 hour news cycles that would have us believe that the world is on the brink, every day and we are reminded over and over and over. Our souls easily become weary with the pace and stress of our lives. 

Into that reality steps another reality. “The Lord is our Shepherd, I shall lack nothing. In fact, “He, our Shepherd, makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.” Think of the contrast between what David writes about the Shepherd of our lives and how we experience our lives. Why the disconnect? The closest we seem to get to green pastures or quiet, still waters are in pictures on Pinterest. It looks like some place I would love to visit but I live in the real world.

The writer of Psalm 23, David, was a shepherd and he knew that God does for us what he did for his sheep: Mainly to lead them to green pastures where they could rest in peace and beside still waters that were refreshing to drink. In fact, God offers that kind of peace and rest for us every single day if we would simply stop long enough to spend some time in His presence and experience His peace.

You see, it is not that Jesus cannot lead us to places of peace and rest. He can, even in the middle of our frenetic lives. The issue is not Him but us. Because He Himself is the source of that peace we long for. He is the source of the rest our souls need. But we have to find time to stop, take moments in His presence in prayer, meditation, worship or Scripture and allow Him to fill up our empty hearts and bring peace to our stressed minds. 

But remember, He Himself is the source of that peace so unless we go to the source and spend time there we will not experience it. Ironically we look for all kinds of ways to find rest and peace in our daily lives when all we need to do is go to the source and spend time with Him. God says elsewhere through the prophets, “Be still and know that I am God.” Be still and experience the green pastures and quiet waters that God desires to lead us to. And it is there that we find restoration for our souls. 

If your soul needs restoring today, take some time away from the noise and distractions around you and spend time with Jesus. He is your shepherd. He will lead you to green pastures and quiet waters and you will find rest for your soul. Try doing that every day and your life will look different and it will be more peaceful and your soul will no longer be tired.

Father, forgive me for not coming to you when I so desperately need what only you can offer. Help me find time today to experience the peace and restoration that my mind, heart and soul so desperately needs. And thank you that you offer it to me each and every day. Amen.

God will never give you bad advice

One of the challenges of the information age is that there is too much information out there. Take financial planning for instance. How do you plow through the plethora of advice, information, experts, would-be experts, financial strategists that all claim to have the best strategy for your retirement account. Many of us have learned the hard way that the advice was not always what it was advertised to be.

In Psalm 23:3 we read this promise from the Lord who is our Shepherd. “He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.” Or as Eugene Peterson puts it in The Message, “you send me in the right direction.” In our complicated world with competing worldviews what we need to know is the “right direction.” And David says God will never let us down in that regard.

What is interesting about God’s direction is that it is often the opposite of what we are told we should do. For instance, God says that by being generous with Him and others we gain true wealth. He says that to become great we must become small. To experience real life we must die to ourselves. To get ahead in His kingdom we must act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with our God. All of these are counter intuitive and counter to the practices and advice of our day.

In all the mumbo jumbo of our day, there is only one guide who will not steer us wrong and it is our shepherd. In fact, his says are paths of righteousness which are the paths that He himself has laid out for us. Just as a good shepherd would never steer his sheep along unsafe paths that would lead the flock in the wrong or dangerous direction, our shepherd will never do that. 

The key, though, is that sheep need to trust their shepherd. Sheep wander. So do we. The classic definition of sin is found in Isaiah 53:6,  “We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way.” That is the ultimate problem we have. We like to go our own way, do our own thing and make our own rules but ultimately it comes back to hurt us.

As we pay attention to our shepherd and His teaching, we will learn to walk in paths of righteousness which will never hurt us and always protect us - even from ourselves. That is a great promise. He will only lead us in paths of righteousness that benefit us and keep us off the wrong paths. It is also why he says that he brings peace to our souls. That peace is found not in our own wisdom but in God’s wisdom. By ourselves we bring chaos to our souls. He brings peace.

Father. Thank you that I can trust you to lead me in paths that are best for me because they are your paths of righteousness. Remind me each day to look for your paths and not my own. Amen.

When life is hard and hope is scarce

If Psalm 23 is the most famous Psalm, verse 4 of that Psalm is perhaps quoted more than any other verse. “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

I have walked through some very hard times in my life. One of the hardest was a hospital stay of 45 days, 30 of which were in the Intensive Care Unit and on a ventilator. The list of complications was long including MRSA pneumonia, multiple system failure, a failed mitral valve in my heart, heart rates of 200 plus beats per minute, Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome where you literally start to drown in your own fluids and I could go on. Hard, tough times are part of our lot in life. In fact, in the aftermath of that event which took me more than a year to recover from, I wrote a book called, When Life Comes Undone, walking by faith when life is hard and hope is scarce.

Think of those times in your life when life came undone, when life was hard and hope was scarce. I call these tsunami shifts in our lives when we realize life will never be the same. These are real and they test our faith. Notice that David acknowledges that we will face these times. He says, Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. It will happen, he says, but it does not need to be a place where we surrender to fear. Because you are with me. We never walk through tough times alone as Christians. The Good Shepherd is always there as our unseen but present guest. We are never alone. Ever.

One year after I was discharged from the hospital I was admitted to another. This time in Thailand with virtually the same issues. But this time I was awake on a ventilator knowing my odds were small of surviving. The one thing I could ask of God was that He would be with me and as I meditated and prayed for his presence He gave me a deep peace even if I did not survive. It would be fourteen days where every hour seemed like 24 hours but He was there with me the whole time.

David goes on to say, “your rod and your staff, they comfort me ” in these times of trouble. The rod and staff are one and the same. On one end, the walking stick end, the shepherd can defend the sheep from wild animals as well as prod the sheep in a certain direction. The other end of the rod has a staff which is a rounded portion that extends the reach of the shepherd to rescue a sheep that is in trouble. He can even lift it out of a crevice by its neck in the staff. In other words, the watchcare of the shepherd in the moments when life is hard and hope is scarce gives us confidence and hope that He will be and is with us. Our Shepherd is not a passive onlooker but there to help and protect and care for us. We are never alone. That, says David, comforts me. And it should us.

Father, thank you that we are never alone. No matter how dire our circumstances may seem, you are there with us and will protect and comfort us. Even today with the issues I face, I ask for your protection, presence and peace. Amen.

The goodness and love of God that chases after us relentlessly

If you ever want to understand the posture of God toward His children, it is found in the last two verses of Psalm 23, verses five and six. It is a truly extraordinary statement. “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

Those who follow God will have detractors. Yes, even enemies. Those who choose to live in the light, who choose to follow the paths of righteousness, verse 3 are a threat to those who choose to live in darkness and follow their own paths. Those who stand up for justice for instance become a threat to those who prefer to ignore those issues. Those who won’t fudge the ethical boundaries at work can be a threat to those who do so regularly. Those who speak up for the underdog, or speak out against racial injustice incur the wrath of those for whom these are not priorities.

How does God respond to those who follow the paths of righteousness. He spreads a banquet table and anoints our heads with oil, a sign of respect and honor. The allusion to the banquet table is quite colorful because in the ancient world when a party was thrown those who were not invited would gather to watch those who were invited eat and drink and party. That is why in the Gospels the Pharisees criticized Jesus for hanging around with sinners. They were there watching the festivities. So here, what David is saying is that those who follow God, who have God as their shepherd will be honored by God in front of their detractors. It is who God is. He honors His people.

But the coup de gras is found in the statement, “Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” The Hebrew here is colorful. First, the word love is the Hebrew word, “Hesed.” It is virtually untranslatable into English. Contained in that word Hesed are the concepts of love, mercy, grace, compassion, and goodness. It is a powerful word of God’s great and amazing grace toward us.

But notice that we read that goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life. A literal translation is that God’s Hesed will chase after us like bees to honey all the days of our lives. It is who He is and how much He loves us. Even today, God is chasing after you with His amazing grace and love and goodness. And that lasts not only in this life but for eternity. 

This is our God. A shepherd, one who gives peace and rest for our souls, one who walks through the hard times with us, one who leads us in righteousness. One who honors us in front of our detractors and enemies and one who chases after us all the days our lives with his goodness, love and mercy. That is our shepherd!

Father, all I can say is thank you for being this kind of shepherd to me. Thank you. Amen.

 

Taliban are carrying out mass executions, says Christian missionary helping Afghans

From The Christian Post

Practicing "normalizing conversations" when there is conflict

 

There are many things that can introduce conflict or awkwardness into relationships: disagreements; words spoken; actions or even second hand conversations that come back to us. It can cause us to back away from a relationship, suspect that others don't have our best interests in mind and create an invisible wall between two individuals. It happens in families, among friends and in the workplace - anywhere we have key relationships.

It is also very easy to allow that conflict, misunderstanding or break in the relationship to linger, leaving a break in the relationship. The truth is, however, that in most cases, this break in relationship can be resolved. And we should always try.

This is where normalizing conversations come in. Rather than live with our perceptions or assumptions about where the other individual is coming from, or the awkwardness that has been introduced into the relationship, normalizing conversations can clarify and remove relational walls that have been created. It is a courageous decision we make to seek peace, clarity and understanding by candidly talking to another about the events that have transpired.

Unaddressed issues between individuals create walls and distance while discussing those issues can remove those walls and bring parties closer together.

A normalizing conversation is very simple. It is taking the step to initiate a conversation in order to understand one another and remove the invisible wall that has been created by words, actions or assumptions. Choosing to initiate a conversation with another to clarify issues and create understanding  is a courageous and peacemaking practice. And too rare.

A normalizing conversation is not a confrontation but a conversation. It may or may not result in agreement but it can result in understanding. Because you have invited the other individual to be candid with you as you are with them, it removes future awkwardness in the relationship even if you did not come to agreement. It is simply a conversation to "normalize" what has become problematic.

The major barrier to such conversations is our own fear. In my experience, our fear is usually unfounded and we find the other party relieved to be able to lower the walls and understand each other. Even if the conversation is hard, it opens up the ability to communicate and creates greater understanding and that by definition almost always lowers the relational walls. It is about calming the relational waters.

I will often start such a conversation with something like this. "I know that there has been some awkwardness over (whatever the issue it is) and that it has impacted our relationship. Can we have a candid conversation about this issue and simply try to understand one another? I don't like where we are and really want to see if we can better understand one another." In almost every circumstance this leads to a productive conversation and usually the lowering of walls.

The words of a leader

The two boys God gave me were highly sensitive growing up to the words and reactions of their parents. I remember one time giving one of them my "look" and he responded "Don't yell at me!" Actually I had not said anything but I had communicated with my body language and he had felt the message! 

Leaders are not parents to those they lead but like parents, their words have extra weight than the words of others.

Leaders often do not appreciate how their words can hurt, wound, lift up or encourage those in their organization. Because they are leaders their words have extra weight which means that what they say and how they say it impacts people deeply, positively or negatively in significant ways. Their words carry more weight because people don't want to let them down and staff feel it deeply when words spoken carelessly come their way.

This means that leaders have a higher responsibility than others to filter and control their words (yes emails) and reactions so that they do not negatively impact others or send messages they don't want to send. While everyone has a responsibility to watch their words, this is absolutely true for leaders who set culture by their words. Their words have the power to uplift, help or wound and bring down,

Leaders should remember:

• Words of affirmation are huge.
• Careless passing words that construe disappointment or cynical can hurt.
• You can say a lot with body language. Be aware and careful.
• Measure your responses to control your emotions so that your emotions don't get in the way of the message.
• Think before one speaks: both about the message and the way it is delivered.
• If you are going to say hard things because you must, think carefully about how you do it and focus on behaviors rather than on motives. Your words carry extra weight so use them carefully!

Unspoken Discussions on church boards and work teams

Church boards and work teams are notorious for their unspoken discussions! Those unspoken discussions are the issues that are present, that people know they are present, but that either individual board members or the board itself do not dare to discuss as a board. These are elephants in the room - often critical issues for the church that require being named and dealt with, but the board's culture mitigates against it.

Many individuals do not like conflict; their definition of conflict is anything that might cause individual or group discomfort. So, there is subtle pressure put on board or team members to be friendly and not rock the boat by naming issues that are out there and need discussion. (The same dynamics can be had on almost any team.) You know that you have breached a topic that makes people uncomfortable when you put an issue on the table, and there is either silence or someone jumps in to quickly deflect the problem from the discussion.

I recently read an article about Patrick Lencioni suggesting that major financial institutions have been in trouble lately because of the prevailing culture on company governance boards to not deal with issues that would make others uncomfortable. So, the culture of nice sabotages a culture of truth and effectiveness.

Pastors, leaders, board members, or team members who choose not to speak in the face of real unspoken issues do a disservice to their organization. The irony is that everyone generally knows there are unspoken issues - they just don't want the discomfort of naming them. The hope is that they will just go away!

How we speak to the issues is essential. If I approach an unspoken issue and put it on the table, it will be best received if there is not a personal vendetta and my words are not meant to hurt. I don't have a hidden personal agenda; I want the best for the organization; I communicate in a way that invites rather than disinvites dialogue; I say it in love; and I acknowledge that the issue may make others uncomfortable.

The funny thing about "elephants" is that once they are named, they are no longer elephants. I once worked with a group around a whiteboard and asked them to name every elephant they felt existed in their organization. We filled the whiteboard (a bad thing), but once up there, we could talk about all of them (a good thing). Once named, an elephant is simply another issue that we are allowed to talk about. Unnamed, it is one of the unspoken discussions we know we need to have but need more courage to discuss.

Every board, team, and organization is better off with a high level of candor and trust, which mitigates the candor turning into anger or cynicism.

If you are brave, I would suggest that you ask your team or your board in a relaxed atmosphere to brainstorm on any unspoken board discussions you need to have, on any elephants that need to be named, whiteboard them, and then develop a plan to talk through them one by one.

Unspoken discussions are not discussions, just frustrations, and they often hide real issues that unresolved will hurt the organization.

Avoiding the Activity Trap

One of the most strategic things we can do - and insist from our staff is not to fall into the activity trap. Simply put, the activity trap is the mistake of believing that activity is synonymous with results. Nothing could be further from the truth!

Think for a moment about people you know. Some of them are always busy, but the results from their work are, well, meager. Others may or may not seem busy, but the results of their work are significant.

I have watched senior leaders and even CEOs fall into the activity trap, endlessly busy with "important things" but truly meager in terms of the results of their work. If it were not for some good folks around them, they would be seen as the "emperor without clothes." Sometimes, they can fool outsiders who see the activity, but insiders have difficulty figuring out what they produce.

What differentiates those who see meager results and those who see significant results?

The difference is that those who see the best results understand that activity does not equal results. Activity is simply being busy. But if that activity is not carefully focused on specific outcomes, one is left merely with activity.

General or unfocused activity yields broad and unfocused results. Specific and focused activities will deliver pre-determined outcomes that help the organization realize its objectives. In the first case, the activity is focused on activity, while in the second, the activity is focused on outcomes. It is a critical difference.

I am not indicating that those with unfocused activity are not doing good things. The question is whether the activity is focused on the good things that will yield the results they are after.

A problem with typical job descriptions is that they are a list of activities rather than a description of necessary results. That is why it is far better to have job descriptions with Key Result Areas, which are the outcomes wanted for the position, than to have a list of activities. With Key Result Areas, any activity in the job is focused toward a few definable results that spell success for the job.

One of the ironies is that those who do less often accomplish more because they are more focused than those running at a heavy pace.

To avoid the activity trap, we should be able to answer these questions:

What specific results do I want from my work? For instance, I have five Key Result Areas that spell success for my work. Can you define what spells success for you?

Is my daily, weekly, and monthly activity focused on achieving the specific results I have identified?

Do I have a strategy for making sure I stay focused? After all, it is very easy to drift, and a strategy for staying focused is essential.

If you are a supervisor, can your reports answer these questions?

The Six Way Fracturing of Evangelicalism by Michael Graham

 

The Six Way Fracturing of Evangelicalism by Michael Graham

This article explains a lot about the conflicts and divides within American Evangelicalism today

On Racial Justice, Individual Guilt, and Institutional Responsibility - David French

 

On Racial Justice, Individual Guilt, and Institutional Responsibility

The Incredible Shrinking Church - Ralph Moore

 See this insightful short article and video

Overcoming tribalism and politics in the church: The challenge of our day

Politics today has become tribal and frankly ugly. People demonize those who don’t think like them on Social Media with nasty, unkind comments. Christians, likewise, are not immune. I have been called offensive names when I have posted comments regarding racial injustice, for instance, that had no political intent at all. Our tribalism is invading the church, dividing congregations, killing friendships, and creating divisions that sadden the heart of God.

This is not a new problem. Even the early church dealt with differing perspectives, world views, and opinions. Paul addresses this in Ephesians 4:1-6 where he writes this: “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”

Evidently, there were squabbles, attitudes, and opinions that threatened to get in the way of the unity of the church in Ephesus. Ironically, he names four qualities that are in short supply today when political opinions are being discussed: Humility, gentleness; patience, and love. In their place, we often have criticism, sharp words, name-calling, impatience, harshness, and division. What a contrast between the two approaches.

Paul grounds this plea for unity in a far higher value than our political opinions. He reminds us of what binds us as believers together. “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.” Do you catch the common word in this sentence. It is the word “one.”  We are bound together with a common savior, a common faith, a common baptism, and a common savior. That oneness is far more important than our differences. 

This is why Paul tells the Galatian church, “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, and I would add, neither republican nor democrat, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” As Christ's followers, we are one tribe. His tribe. And He is greater and higher and more important than all of our ethnic or political differences.

I am convinced that many believers have a more nation-centric view of life than they do a Christian worldview. In a Christian worldview, we understand that we have dual citizenship with our primary identification with Jesus and His Kingdom. Subordinate to that are our political views and national identity. I would suggest that today, this order is often reversed. Our politics come first - justified by how we read Scripture - and our Kingdom citizenship second, which is why we see so much tribalism in the church. If you doubt that, listen to what people say about politics and what they say about their followership of Christ. There is a lot of conviction on the first and too little conviction on the second.

Both Jesus and Paul had precious little to say about the politics of their day, and there was plenty of that. They were far more concerned about what it meant to follow Christ and preserve the unity of His people.

The next time you are tempted to allow political opinions to get in the way of your relationships, remember Paul’s admonition to do all that we can to keep the bond of peace and to major in humility, gentleness; patience, and love with one another. We have one savior, and He is greater and higher and more important than all of our differences. We have our differences to be sure, but the Spirit of God has made us one indivisible family with one Lord at its head. Let’s work to live as one rather than allow tribalism to divide us. This needs to be a major teaching point in the church. We are not about politics and parties. We are about Jesus and the Kingdom.

When Your Staff Doesn't Recommend Your Team - The Unstuck Church Podcast

 

When Your Staff Doesn’t Recommend Your Team – Episode 206 | The Unstuck Church Podcast

3 Signs That Your Team Is Stuck

Four keys to productive conversations

 

It is amazing how quickly something said in a conversation can take the conversation south, or leave one or both parties thinking that they had not had a worthwhile dialogue. This is even more true today in the politically charged and divisive day in which we live. Productive conversations are a key to relational and business success, so how do we increase the possibility of healthy conversations?

I believe that there are four keys to productive conversations.

One: Rather than leading with pronouncements, lead with questions. Questions elicit dialogue and conversation while pronouncements often lead to misunderstanding and can easily shut down conversations. In the worst case, they create unnecessary conflict. 

I might have disappointment with a staff member and need to have a conversation around the issue that disappointed me. If I lead with a pronouncement of my disappointment I will probably be met with defensiveness. However, if I start by asking a few questions, I will not only understand better why something happened (or didn't) but will open up an opportunity to talk candidly about it. The best conversations are driven by questions and inquisitiveness rather than pronouncements or conclusions. I might even discover that what I thought happened had reasons that I had no idea of.

Two: Listen!!!! We talk too much and listen too little. Understanding comes when we actively listen to others. The more we listen to others the more clues we have to what they are actually thinking or saying. When I have practiced the discipline of listening I have been thankful that I did because my perception of what was real and what was actually real had been flawed. Understanding and empathy only take place when we listen and ask good questions. It changes the nature of the conversation completely. 

Three: Choose a posture of humility rather than one of expertise or "I know the answers." Even if you do know the answers, a posture of humility will allow your input to be heard. If we come across as the expert who has the answers, the conversation stops. There is nowhere to go. And, the best answers are usually found in dialogue rather than in our own heads. I am an expert in almost nothing but in the company of others I can help find answers to problems and situations. Narcissistic people make pronouncements, don't listen and let people know they have the answers. All these behaviors shut down conversation rather than facilitate it.

Four: Pay great attention to the tone, body language, reactions and emotional feedback from the individual you are talking to. Self awareness is a key to good Emotional Intelligence and we get ourselves in trouble when we are unaware of the reaction of the one we are talking with. Being aware of their reactions can help us have a more effective conversation. If what we are saying is being met with resistance, we want to be aware and potentially modify our approach.

Without these four practices, it is easy to approach conversations with only our assumptions. Those assumptions are often deeply flawed but they need not be hinderance to the dialogue if we will pay attention to these practices. They give dignity to those we are talking to and understanding to us.

Never underestimate your influence

 

My wife, Cleo, grew up in a remote province of the Philippines. For many years the Philippines was a possession of Spain and her town was one of those deeply influenced by the Spanish. In fact, the town is built like a Spanish town with a Catholic Church from the 1800’s in the town Square. From an early age Cleo was taken to church by her grandmother. She remembers her grandma’s large Spanish-style skirts, the sweets that she would bring in her deep pockets and her grandma’s love for Jesus. 

Her grandma would tell her that she prayed for her daily. Her grandma, her church, and early faith were all part of the same picture. She gave to Cleo a great love for Jesus and an abiding love for the church. Her grandmother was a humble woman of humble means who passed on to Cleo a love for Jesus that Cleo has, in subsequent years, passed on and continues to pass on to others. 

In Paul’s second letter to Timothy he tells Timothy how he remembers him in his prayers. And then he writes, “I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also” (2 Timothy 1:5). Later in the same letter he reminds Timothy of how, from infancy, he has known the Holy Scriptures, because of his grandmother and mother. Nothing else is known of Lois and Eunice but we do know that they passed their faith and love for Jesus down to Timothy who passed it on to others. 

We should never underestimate the influence that we can have with family, friends and acquaintances as we simply live lives of faith, love Jesus, and share that faith and love with others. This is evangelism 101. It does not take special training and it isn’t a program. It is simply influencing others through our lives and especially our prayers.

Cleo’s grandmother probably never travelled more than 100 miles beyond her village. She would be amazed if she knew that this little girl that she prayed for and took with her to church, has lived in Manilla, Saudi Arabia, the UAE and now the United States. And in each of these places, Cleo has pointed people to Jesus through her infectious personality, deep faith, loving compassion, and prayer for those around her. This is her grandmother’s legacy. Her grandmother’s simple faith and prayer has, at this point, touched the world long after her death. Her life mattered and her faith has now touched many.

Every day we have the opportunity to influence others for Jesus. Never underestimate your influence with those around you. The legacy of our faith, our prayer, and our love for Jesus can have ripples long after we are gone. Let your life ripple for Him in the lives of those around you. 

One thing that God is rich in

 

Few chapters of the Bible are more explicit about the amazing blessings we have in Jesus than Ephesians one and two. If you have not read them recently, you should. While there are many crazy amazing statements in these two chapters, one stands out and it has huge implications for you and I. It is Ephesians 2:4 where we read, “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved.”

Now there are many things that God is rich in but this is the only time in Scripture where he tells us what one of those things is. He says that He is rich, enormously rich in mercy. He is a billionaire when it comes to mercy and he loves to give it away. In fact, notice that this mercy is not given to us because we deserve it but is a result of His great love for us. As Micah 7:18 says, God delights in showing mercy. Mercy is His specialty. 

As I write this, the powerball total is 241 million dollars. How many people would love to win that lotto. In this case one or a handful of people might win all or a piece of it. With Jesus, the prize is infinitely greater and anyone who desires that prize can claim it because He delights in showing mercy. It is His specialty and he is rich in it. 

And we need it. Paul writes in the passage above that we were dead in transgressions. Dead! We had a sin problem that we could not fix. We were not sick, we didn’t lack something, and we didn’t have flaws. We were Dead! And Jesus came to bring dead people to life - because of His mercy. We didn’t deserve it, could not earn it and had no way to deal with it. Dead people cannot do surgery on themselves. 

And why would Jesus come to bring dead people like us to life? Because of His great love for us. His infinite, unfathomable, unexplainable love. I have often had people say to me about someone they were totally irritated or angry with, “I’m done with them.” “I’m done!” 

Now consider God. He created us in His image, created a perfect world for us to live in, and not only did we rebel and go our own way but when God became a creature in the incarnation many rejected Him as well and crucified Him. Yet God, unlike us, never said “I’m done.” Rather he actually came to die for our sin, yank our dead bodies to life and pour out His mercy on us. He is never done with us. He loves us with an infinite and unexplainable love and He is rich, exceedingly rich in mercy.

We never cease to need God’s mercy. Everyday we need mercy for sins of comission and sins of omission. But as Duane Ortlund writes, “If God sent his own Son to walk through the valley of condemnation, rejection and hell, you can trust him as you walk through your own valleys on your way to heaven.” Between His love and His mercy we have become recipients of His amazing grace.

And those who have become recipients of and understand His mercy freely give it away to others. We cannot give what we have not experienced in a real way.

God's thinking and ours: Be glad they are not the same

 

 

How often when things don’t go our way, or when our prayers are not answered as we would wish we think of Isaiah 55:8 where it says ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.” In other words, we conclude that we cannot understand God or His ways and the reason He does not respond as we would is that, in the words of Isaiah, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

The conclusion is that we just cannot understand God. But what if this conclusion is not what God is saying here? What if He is not talking about the fact that we cannot understand Him but that He doesn’t act as we would expect Him to. Or to put it another way, He doesn’t act like we act in an important way.

Like all of Scripture, these verses need to be read in context. In verses 6-8, God says to us, “Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon.”

In other words, if you have made a mess of your life, if you are in trouble, if you need God’s mercy and love and forgiveness, turn to me and I will have mercy on you. In fact, I will freely pardon you.” And then He says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,  neither are your ways my ways”, declares the Lord. 

Why would He say this? Because He isn’t like us. If someone has offended us or hurt us or messed up their lives we have long memories. We expect them to get their act together, make up for their offense, pull up their bootstraps. We can be unforgiving, lack compassion and mercy, hold on to grudges and offenses and withhold our love, forgiveness or kindness.

God is saying, I am not like you. I don’t think like you think. My ways are higher than your ways. My heart is bigger than your heart. In fact, no matter how badly you have messed up, how often you have messed up or no matter what the mess you have created, come to me and I will have mercy on you and will freely pardon. While we would think He would withhold His love and mercy, because that is our way, He says, no I give it freely, every time. Come to me.

In fact, in verse 12, we read this: “You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.”

Dane Ortlund writes: “He isn’t like you. Even the most intense of human love is but the faintest echo of heaven’s cascading abundance. His heartfelt thoughts for you outstrip what you can conceive. He intends to restore you into the radiant resplendence for which you were created. And that is dependent not on you keeping yourself clean but on you taking your mess to him. He doesn’t limit himself to working with the unspoiled parts of us that remain after a lifetime of sinning. His power runs so deep that he is able to redeem the very worst parts of our past into the most radiant parts of our future. But we need to take those dark miseries to him.” (Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers, pp 160-161).

How lucky we are that His ways are not our ways. His heart of compassion and mercy is unlike that of any of us. 

The Treasure Slipping Silently Away - A fabulous article on time by Greg Morse

The Treasure Slipping Silently Away

Article by 

Greg Morse

Staff writer, desiringGod.org

A calm, peaceful and untroubled heart

 

I am one of those individuals who overthinks things. When I think about the past I ask the “what if” questions. What if I had done this or not done that? When thinking about the future I want to have it all worked out as if I can actually control what happens tomorrow. And on any given day I have loads of questions about my life and what is going on around me. And if I watch the news or read social media I am aware that our world is messed up and that messes with my mind and heart. 

What I desire most of all is to live each day with a peaceful, calm and untroubled heart. I’m guessing that you want the same. We also know that for many of us this seems to be an elusive goal but God says it is possible. 

In First Peter 5:7, the Apostle says this: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” We don’t need to carry around our anxiety! Jesus says, give it to me because I care about you and because I am the only one that is equipped to deal with it. 

The key here is that we need to actively choose to give our cares and anxieties to God. The reason that we don’t live with peaceful, calm and untroubled hearts is that we don’t give our anxieties and worries to the Father on a daily basis. 

The great women and men of the faith often had what were called the morning and evening office or prayers. It was a set time each morning where they came into God’s presence and gave their concerns to Him along with a time of confession and worship. It was an intentional discipline to acknowledge their failings, their need for Jesus that day, to give to Him their concerns and worries and receive from Him the strength and guidance they needed for that day. The evening office is a time of thanksgiving for His presence and protection for the day.

Drawing on the example of these men and women of God, I start each day by writing out a prayer to God. Much of it is the same prayer each day - written again each day because my need is new each day. It grounds me in my need for Him, my brokenness and need for His forgiveness and transferring my anxieties and worries to Him. 

These are the opening words I pen each and every day. “Father, Grant me the serenity to accept that which I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Grant me today a calm, peaceful and untroubled heart. Bless me and keep me, shine your face upon me and be gracious to me, turn your heart toward me and give me peace.”

The latter portion is the prayer that the priests of the Old Testament prayed over the people when they came to worship. It is beautiful because it represents God’s heart for us. He wants to give us peace and He offers to us His peace. Each and every day!

If you want to live each day with a peaceful, calm and untroubled heart, it starts with a practice of asking God for that very thing. It is what He offers us and it is what He wants to give us. That today He would give to us a peaceful, calm and untroubled heart and that He would bless us and keep us, shine His face upon us and be gracious to us and that He would turn His face toward us and give us peace. His peace.