Why leaders who lack personal discipline and intentionality run the risk of losing the ministry they have built

There are a significant number of leaders who are able to grow a church or ministry to a fairly large size - and then are asked to leave  the ministry they have built by their board. While there are many reasons one can be asked to leave, one that I have observed over the years revolves around the discipline of the leader to lead with intentionality and focus.

I would describe these leaders as people full of energy, a plethora of ideas, significant vision and often running in many different directions. The energy and ideas often get a church off the ground or a ministry started, and even to a significant size.

However, the larger the organization, the more stability it needs and the very thing that may have helped get them to where they are becomes a liability if the leader cannot modify his or her behaviors to provide stability for the ministry. Small ministries can deal with a fair amount of organizational chaos. The larger it grows the less able it is to do so  and the best staff will not put up with an undisciplined or rapidly changing directional environment.

The discipline and intentionality of leaders is a significant issue not only for their own leadership stewardship but because their intentionality or lack of it impacts others in either positive or negative ways. Disciplined leaders provide structure and stability to their organization and staff. 

Undisciplined leaders bring uncertainty, instability and even chaos as staff try to figure out where they are going and seek to respond to the changing directions of undisciplined leadership. Eventually leaders and staff get tired of the lack of directional stability which creates tension between the senior leader and the key leadership personnel of the ministry. Often, by this time, it is too late for the senior leader to regain the confidence of the staff and board.

As organizations need to grow and mature, so do the leaders who lead them. When they don't they run a high risk of losing what they have built. 

Can I disagree with you and still keep my relationship with you?

One of the signs of emotional maturity is the ability to disagree with someone and still remain connected relationally. All too often, Christian leaders are unable to do this because they are threatened by those who do not agree with them. I have seen numerous cases, for instance, where a leader or member of a church is marginalized by the senior pastor when that individual disagrees with them.


Leaders who are unable to maintain relationship with those who disagree with them usually divide people into two camps: those that are for me and those that are against me. To live in the first camp usually means to agree with their leader. One gets moved to the second camp when one disagrees with their leader. It is a black and white, for and against world view that damages relationships, hurts the leadership potential of the leader who chooses to marginalize others and divides organizations and congregations. 


Often, church boards are divided by this thinking as the pastor divides in his mind and therefore his relationships those that are for him and those that are against him. It is a toxic behavior.


Here is an interesting question: What lies behind this kind of marginalization of someone who disagrees? I would suggest two answers: insecurity and pride.


Insecurity compels many leaders to need to be right. Anything that challenges their rightness becomes a threat and thus their marginalization of those who disagree with them. The need to be right and its resulting behaviors often masks great insecurity.


Pride and at its worst, narcissism, can also be at the root of this behavior. By definition, a narcissist must be right and anyone who challenges their world view is disregarded, marginalized (ignored) or becomes the enemy. To put it in Facebook terms they are summarily defriended.


This is obviously a tricky issue to confront as the moment one does, one is likely to be marginalized. Boards, because of their authority, can, if they are willing, confront the behavior of a leader. If he or she responds, it will be the kindest thing they ever did. If the issue is narcissism, it is unlikely that there will be any change and the board then has a deeper problem to deal with.


All of us, however, should ask ourselves the question as to whether we exhibit this kind of behavior. It divides, assigns ill motives and hurts teams and organizations. Lets make sure that we are not guilty.

The dark side of leadership

Insightful article on the dark side of leadership which we ignore at our peril.

Self Knowledge and leadership

Few skills are as critical for a leader as that of accurate self-knowledge. I stress the word accurate because all of us have a view of ourselves but that view is not always accurate. When it is not accurate we often get in the way of ourselves.


What does self knowledge entail? First it means that we know what our strengths are. Each of us has two to three strengths where we shine and everything else is a weakness. If we can identify our strengths we have also by default identified our weaknesses (everything else). Humility is knowing how God designed us and giving him the credit. And, understanding how badly we need others to compensate for our weaknesses.


Second, self knowledge means that we understand the shadow side of our strengths. Every strength has a shadow side. Three of my five strengths identified by Strenghfinders are strategic, maximizer and achiever. They are a powerful combination. However, their shadow side can include a lack of patience and irritation when others don't move as quickly as I would want them to, or "get it" when the answer seems so simple.


Understanding our shadow side allows us to manage it. We cannot change how we are wired but we can manage our attitudes and behaviors so that our shadow side does not impede our leadership by negatively impacting those around us.


This goes to the third area of self knowledge - understanding how we are perceived by others and how our wiring impacts them. One of the ways that leaders get themselves into trouble is when they don't understand how others perceive them. They may think that they are decisive, for instance but others read them as arrogant. They may want a harmonious relationship with everyone but it is read as lacking clarity because different things are said to different people in order to please them.


The gap between our perception of ourselves and others perception of us is what we need to be aware of. Often we can learn something from testing where both the strengths and shadow side are identified which can give us clues to how others might see us. Feedback from others whom we trust is also a critical factor which means that we must be open and non-defensive about that feedback. The smaller the gap between our perception of ourselves and others perceptions of us, the better we can lead.


The fourth area of self knowledge is understanding our vulnerabilities to sin and when they are most likely to show up. We are vulnerable in different ways and different circumstances and a keen awareness of those ways and circumstances allows us to put in place safeguards to keep us from the "roaring lion that seeks to destroy us." 


Self knowledge requires introspection and a desire to understand ourselves fully. Some won't go there because it makes us uncomfortable. Henry Nouwen said that the reason many of us don't like silence is that it is in that place we see the scaffolding of our lives the most clearly - and there are parts of that scaffolding that we don't like. Yet, the path to health is understanding our dishealth as much as our strengths. 


For leaders, self knowledge is a high priority. It impacts themselves and those they lead.

Avoid the comparison trap. It is toxic to us.

Too often our view of ourselves deeply flawed. Rather than seeing ourselves for who we are we do so instead through a lens of comparison with others. That comparison creates a distorted view of ourselves: We see not who God made us to be but something different and someone different.


It is bad enough that we compare our own self worth against other people but we further complicate it by comparing our circumstances, positions, opportunities and wealth against those of others. These comparisons often create envy of others which directly leads to a lack of peace in our own lives.


Why are comparisons with others toxic for us? First because God uniquely made us as He wanted to, gave us the gifts He designed for us and a work to do that He created only for us (Ephesians 2:10). If we don't like who we are our argument is not with others around us but with God Himself. The problem is that God does not create anything but the best and it is only in embracing His purpose for our lives that we experience the greatest happiness and satisfaction.


Second, we tend to think that if we had the gifts, opportunities or wealth of others that we would be happy. Ironically, those we compare ourselves too are no less or more happy than we are. Their joy, like ours, depends on embracing the calling on their lives. And behind the good looking exteriors we all put up are issues struggled with, pain dealt with and their own set of challenges to work through.


Looking at our lives through the lens of the lives of others is like looking through a highly distorted window. No longer do we see who God made us to be with the gifting and purpose He designed for our lives but we distort our picture with what He intended for others. That distortion skews our thinking, robs our joy and more important sidetracks us from the role He uniquely designed for us to play. 


Our joy and satisfaction comes when we embrace who God made us to be, how He uniquely gifted us and how He wants to use us. Try to embrace someone else's gifting and calling and we lose our joy (and it cannot be done anyway). Stop comparing and start embracing and we experience the joy of a life God made for us. 


God has given us amazing, mind blowing gifts (Read Ephesians 1 and 2). One of those specific gifts is the making of the unique us (Ephesians 2:10) along with a specific mission in life. Embrace it, thank God for it and live it out and we will be the most joyful and satisfied of people. Distort all that by comparing ourselves with others and the joy and satisfaction is robbed.


Avoid the comparison trap. It will rob you of what God intended for your life.

Conflict avoidance creates greater conflict: four ironies regarding conflict

Here is an irony. In the name of peace we often avoid conflict - addressing issues that we know are real issues but that we don't want to have to work through. What results is usually even greater conflict because existing issues were not addressed and at some point in time those unresolved issues erupt and create a much greater mess than one would have had if they had addressed the issue earlier. 

In our effort to avoid conflict we actually create greater conflict down the road. In fact, the greater the blowup the longer the underlying conflict has usually been avoided. So those who choose avoidance as a strategy set the group up for a larger confrontation at a later date.

Here is another irony! We consider conflict to be a bad thing. In fact, it is usually a helpful thing because the fact that there is conflict is an indicator that there are issues that need to be resolved. Conflict is simply an indicator that there is an underlying issue that must be addressed. 

In itself, conflict is neither good or bad, simply an indicator, like a tachometer going into the red zone that you better shift into another gear or the engine is going to get too hot. Ignore your tachometer and you have engine trouble. Avoid conflict and you have relational trouble. 

A third irony. It is in the working through of conflict - usually competing agendas, philosophies or critical issues that the best solutions are found. Conflict avoidance solves nothing. Resolving the conflict by addressing the competing ideas or issues actually makes the organization a stronger one. The resolution may not satisfy everyone but getting everyone on the same page is far better than allowing competing agendas or ignoring issues.

We often avoid conflict out of fear that in naming the issue we will look like troublemakers. Ironically, our fear is usually unfounded. In most cases everyone is in the know that the conflict exists already. So in pretending that all is well when everyone knows it is not is pretty silly and solves nothing. How often do church boards or ministry teams ignore the elephants in the room that everyone knows exist.

In many cases, the other members of the group are glad that someone has simply named the elephant and at least opened the floor so that it can be discussed. Until someone names the issue that underlies the conflict nothing can be done. Once named it is an issue that can be discussed. 

As a leader I have had to work through conflictual issues with other leaders or staff on occasion. In every case, it has revealed either fault lines of misunderstanding, philosophy, direction or agendas. Without resolving those fault lines our ministry suffers from the divisions that fault lines bring. Resolution (which can take different forms) can bring unity and strength.

Whatever you do, don't ignore conflict which is an indication of fault lines you want to resolve.

Fear based leadership

There are ministry leaders whose primary leadership trait is that of fear. Before any decision is made, there are endless discussions of whether the decision is right, lots of second guessing, revisiting of the issue, dragging feet on pulling the trigger and anxiety about whether they should move forward or not. If some leaders are too impulsive, fear based leaders are so risk adverse and fearful of something going wrong that they become paralyzed by that fear.


This is crazy making for staff who want to get on with things and become frustrated when their decisions or recommendations get the same scrutiny, questions, and reservations as their boss's. Endless meetings are had, issues rehashed time and again, decisions made and then revisited. 


Why? Because the senior leader is so driven by not making a mistake, not communicating something improperly, not doing something that might fail. It is caution gone amok. It causes him or her not only to scrutinize their own decisions but those of others and leads to micromanaging the work of others out of the same fear. It is fear based leadership and is not true leadership at all.


Fearful leadership comes out of a lack of self confidence, deep anxiety about making a bad call and fear of what others will think if they make a poor decision. The fear paralysis of the leader becomes a paralysis for the organization as a whole. Because leading is about being in front of others, leading them into the future, fear based leadership is not leadership at all but is really just the opposite: keeping the organization from moving forward out of an abundance of caution. 


Fear based leaders need serious coaching or counseling to get at the root of the fear that haunts them. Unless they can understand those fears and face them they will not be able to lead or if they do will not attract and keep other good staff. 


If you suffer from decision making fear ask yourself, "What is the absolute worst thing that could happen if the decision went south?" How likely is that worst thing to happen? If it did would it be so bad? One soon realizes that the fear is not only unfounded but silly when you play out the scenario. 

The fear factor

Fears: we all have them. It is what keeps us up at night and lives in the pit of our stomach, rearing its ugly head over some trigger that sets them off. They may be real fears or imagined fears (what if that happened?) but in a world where bad things do happen and the nightly news is mostly bad (and exaggerated)  we cannot escape our fears.

But we can manage them with the help of God. It fascinates me that the most often repeated command in Scripture is to fear not. Do not be afraid! Often coupled with the statement "I am with you" (see Joshua 1). This is because faith is the currency of God's Kingdom while fear is the currency of our world. Fear kills faith (which is why the evil one loves it) while faith builds confidence in God's ability to handle any situation we could ever face. Fear holds us back while faith drives us forward. 


The great pantheon of heroes of faith in Hebrews 11 all had much to fear - and most of them paid for their faith dearly. But in each case they chose faith over fear, trusting even in what they could not yet see because they believed the promises of God. They countered fear with trust and faith.

One of the great advantages of memorizing scripture (yes even adults can do it) is that the truth of God's word is a powerful antidote to the many untruthful or fearful messages stored in our brain. The Holy Spirit is a master at pulling out of our minds the very truth that we need at the moment we need if - if we have been diligent in putting it there. 

King David, the head of state in Israel made constant reference to the words of God that he had hid in his heart. Those words were the realignment mechanism for him when he faced even the most difficult circumstances.

When I was in a Thailand ICU wondering if I would live or die, on a ventilator and unable to do anything about my circumstances and in excruciating pain, fear was very real! I battled that fear with the words of Jesus to Peter when Peter got out of the boat in the storm. "Fear not." "Why are you afraid?" "I am with you." Those few, simple words fought back the storm of fear, kept it at bay and allowed me to trust God in a very hard time. It was not without a colossal struggle but faith won over fear. And it can for you as well.

Fear is a normal human reaction but faith is the currency of God's Kingdom (Hebrews 11). Fear can only be fought back with the truth of God found in His word. Put it in your heart and the next time fear raises its ugly head, counter attack with God's word.  

Conflict, reconciliation, Jesus, the church and us

The church, in general, has a pretty bad reputation when it comes to one of the most fundamental calls of the Christian faith - reconciliation. As a church consultant I have seen the road kill and carnage of congregations that fight with one another, people who don't forgive one another, spirits of animosity that poison relationships, recrimination, power plays and church splits. 


Pastors are guilty, board members are guilty and paritioners are guilty. Sometimes, whole congregations are guilty. All of us at one time or another have been guilty. Think of the conflicts we experienced with friends early in life let alone as the years went on. 


Paul, himself, who I will quote below had severe conflict with his partner Barnabas, John Mark as well as with the Apostle Peter. None of us are exempt in a fallen world. Fortunately it seems there was reconciliation in later years. Time has a way of bringing perspective and healing.


While I understand the sinful nature we still deal with as Christ followers, I cannot help but believe that the heart of God is deeply grieved over the divisions within His family - especially the unwillingness of people to seek reconcile their differences (however that is able to be done) and at the least live at peace with one another and at the best understand each other. Our inability to do so is really a rejection of that which Christ did for us in His death on the cross. 


The story of God with a rebellious creation is that of reconciliation. The overarching story, of course is that through Jesus we can be reconciled to God - because of His substitutionary death on the cross for us. This reconciliation brings forgiveness of our sin and therefore peace, fellowship and friendship with God which is what our Creator meant for His created in the first place.


This reconciliation, however has further implications. In Jesus, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 3:28). The many things that have divided us, race, ethnicity, social status, education, political party or gender have all been broken down by the cross where we meet God and one another as equals. In God's family, the distinctions that divided us are erased by the Holy Spirit who has made us part of a new family.


Jesus anticipated this breaking down of barriers when He prayed His high priestly prayer in John 17:23: "May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me."


Likewise, Paul, wrote frequently of the unity of the body because of our adoption into God's family and the work of the Holy Spirit. Consider these words in Ephesians 4:1ff. "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit - just as you were called to one hope when you were called - one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."


Here is my question: If God was willing to send His very son to make reconciliation with us possible why, after receiving that gift, are we not willing to go the smaller distance to seek to reconcile ourselves with others in the family of God?


Is it any wonder that society as a whole is cynical of the work of God when His own people cannot live at peace with one another and fight the same personal and political battles as are fought in Washington between differing political parties? We can be just as nasty, just as vociferous and just as unforgiving and stubborn as the most unregenerate unbeliever. Yet we claim the name of Jesus!


We cannot control what others do or don't do but we can control what we do or don't do. Are we willing to be peacemakers rather than divisive? Are willing to forgive rather than to live in bitterness? Are we willing to overlook the failures of others since love covers a multitude of sins?


I also believe that we need to do a better job of helping our congregations understand the central place that reconciliation is to  play in the life of a congregation. The church should look different than the rest of society! We are, after all His people with His Spirit which is a Spirit of unity. This is an issue that needs to be addressed regularly in a world that is so deeply divisive. 


Living on this side of eternity conflict is inevitable - even among God's people. It is how we handle that conflict that is the important issue. Reconciliation is all about how we choose to handle conflict and broken relationships when they occur. 


What reconciliation does and does not mean:


It does not mean that the conflict was wrong or bad. Without disagreements important issues do not get clarified and addressed. Conflict itself is not bad. In fact it can be exceedingly healthy because it reveals the need to clarify some issue. What it does mean is that we choose to resolve the conflict in a way that is God honoring. As much as it is possible!


It does not mean that we must agree with the other party but it does mean that we can choose to disagree and not hurt one another any longer. Some issues will not be sorted out until eternity when we see fully and where our emotions are no longer in the way.


It does mean that there must be a cease of hostilities, slander, gossip and bad attitudes toward one another. The reputation of Jesus trumps my personal need to be right or vindicated. Carnal behavior in conflict is sin and must be resisted.


It does mean that we try to understand the other party's point of view even if we believe it to be wrong and misguided. The ability to listen, empathize and understand (even if we don't agree) goes a long ways to damper hostilities.


It does not mean that we need to change our minds on an issue if after discussion we remain convinced that we are being true to our beliefs and the facts as we understand them. 


It does not mean that we need to be close friends, or even friends. It does mean that we will not be enemies any longer. We can choose to bless one another without trying to be friends or to force relationships that have been broken. Sometimes keeping a distance is smarter than closeness when conflict has been severe and where it is clear that there cannot be a common solution.


It does not mean that we will always be able to sort through the issues. It takes reasonable, humble and teachable people to sort through issues and that is not always possible. Sometimes we must simply choose to put the issue behind us for the higher value of Christian unity. It does mean that if we have sinned in our attitudes during the conflict we ask forgiveness for our part. 


It does not mean that we forget the offense. That may or may not be possible. It does mean that we choose to forgive the offense because we are commanded to by Jesus who forgave our offences.


It does not mean that we pretend that the issues did not matter. Often they do and pretending that they did not or that all is now well when this is not true is a disservice to the concept of reconciliation. The hardest kind of reconciliation is when we cannot fix the issue but we choose to live at peace in spite of the issue.


Who do you need to reconcile with?


See these other blogs:
Incarnation and reconciliation
Reconciling irreconcilable differences
Unfinished business

Small shifts of truth - the Evil one's tactics

Have you ever thought about the lies that the evil one loves for us to believe? His strategy is to move the ground of truth ever so slightly but that tiny move makes all the difference in the world in reality. Think about these lies:

• God is good most of the time. 
• You need to earn God's favor.
• Some of the Bible's moral commands are irrelevant in today's sophisticated world.
• You are just an ordinary person and not equipped to do much in ministry.
• God will never be happy with you given what you have done.
• Since God is love He will not condemn anyone to eternal hell. In the end it will be OK for most people.
• God does not heal today. That was for New Testament times.
• If someone is sincere they will be accepted by God no matter what their religious path.
• Believing in demons is pretty silly.
• You cannot afford to be financially generous with God. In a few years you will be in a better position and you can do it then.
• Some people are not worthy of God - or for that matter of my attention.
• Grace is for the lost, not for us who already know God. 

The evil one is skilled at customizing lies to fit our circumstances and our particular vulnerabilities. Often they play like tapes in our heads and we are hardly aware of them.

How does one counter the lies of Satan? Daily time in God's word where we constantly evaluate our lives and our thinking against His eternal, unchanging, life giving truth. The Psalmist says, "I have hid thy word in my heart that I might not sin against thee." Put another way, I have saturated my mind with God's truth so I know the difference between the lies of the evil one and the truth of God. And I know that one is life taking (Satan) and one is life giving (God).

Remember: "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life,and have it to the full (John 10:10)." 

You can only counter the lies of Satan with the truth of God. Spend time with His truth regularly and you will recognize what is not truth. The reason so many Christ followers don't recognize the lies of Satan is that they have not spent enough time in the truth of God. Without knowing truth we cannot know the lies. Scripture matters to our daily lives in more ways than we realize.

Pedestals are dangerous places to be and to prop up

One of the risks of Christian leadership is that others often put them on  a pedestal, looking up to that leader as if they were from another species, seeing only the good stuff and none of the bad stuff. It really is a bad place to be for any number of reasons, least of which is that when the pedestal breaks it is painful for both the leaders and those who put them there. 

I also know leaders who love to be on the pedestal. They like the adulation, the otherness and the position it gives them. And, it insulates them from much of the scrutiny because the more removed they are the less others are able to challenge them. You don't say honest or hard things to unapproachable people - like leaders who foster a certain elevation from others. 

My advice to those who work for leaders who like the pedestal is that one does not treat them with deference, but like everyone else.  They may not like it but allowing them to be treated as special only feeds the unhealthy side of their leadership. I resolved long ago that I would always be respectful but never feed the egos of unhealthy leaders.

For the rest of us who may be put on pedestals by others, I have four suggestions. First, be candid about those things you can be candid about. We have the same struggles as everyone else. Being honest about those struggles helps others understand we are not different.

Second, be approachable. The more approachable we are the more human we will be while the more unapproachable we are the more "otherness" we foster. Let people get to know you as much as possible.

Third, be real. Pretense is dishonesty while just being real about who we are is honesty. The more transparent we are, the more human we are and the less others will elevate us.

Fourth, be humble. Humility is self effacing while pride elevates self. 

I have a good friend about whom people say, "He is without guile." I love that description. It is who I want to be. As such, I will not cooperate with anyone who wants to live on a pedestal or put me on one (God forbid).

Pride and Christian Leadership

Personal pride and Christian leadership are fundamentally incompatible with one another. 

Signs of pride are easy to spot:

• Loving the praise we get from others
• Name dropping - we are on the in with the big shots
• Letting others know how big and successful our ministries are
• Not listening to others - we have the answers
• Letting others know we are in charge
• Taking credit for success
• Blaming others for failure
• Ignoring our shadow side
• Narcissism (there is a lot of it in Christian leadership) 
• Elevating ourselves
• Defensiveness (pride central)
• Putting others down

Think about this: Pride elevates self but we are to elevate Jesus. Pride says "I accomplished this" when in reality anything of spiritual significance was accomplished by God's power. Pride says, "I made something of myself" when in fact God gave us our skills and wiring as a gift to be used for Him. Pride thinks that our success is a reflection of our greatness when in effect, it is simply a gift from God.

If anyone had a right to pride it was Jesus but where do you see it? He claimed to speak the words of the Father, do the will of the Father and gave all the glory to the Father. He lived for the Father's glory rather than His own. When His disciples vied for position and glory He rebuked them saying that they were living by the world's values not kingdom values. 

The life of Jesus was one of humble dependence and servant leadership. Paul had the same mindset committed to boasting about one thing only - the cross of Christ. He took no credit for his accomplishments, great as they were but gave all the credit to God. He knew that "when he was weak, then he was strong," because it was all about God's power, not his wisdom or power. 

Why is there so much pride, so many egos and may I say it, narcissism among Christian leaders? It does not square with the life of Jesus or the life of Paul or the teaching of Scripture. We are nothing without God. My ability to write blogs and books is simply a gift I have been given. The leadership skills I have were also a gift from God to be used in trust for Him. What do I have to boast about except that God was gracious to me? And if I do take the credit am I not stealing credit from the One who rightly deserves all of it?

It is no wonder that many Christian leaders have major blow ups in their lives and ministries. Pride elevates self and minimizes Jesus and the greater the elevation of ourselves and the minimization of Jesus the more dangerous territory we are in. Narcissism is the ultimate elevation of self and rejection of Him. Once it becomes about us we have lost all ability to lead on His behalf. It is not that God abandons us, we have abandoned Him for all practical purposes.

It was pride that caused Satan to rebel against God. It was pride that prompted Adam and Eve to eat of the tree. It is pride that causes us to elevate ourselves but to the extent we do we are minimizing God. And that is a dangerous path to walk. Our hearts are indeed deceitful above all things. Guarding our hearts against pride is job one of anyone in Christian leadership. 

When the true us shows up!

Who is the real me and the real you? Sometimes we are not who people think we are as there is a public persona of who we hope people see us as and the real us that is not always in alignment with that persona.

The real us does pop out from time to time and it comes in interesting ways: when we face a deep crisis, when we are unjustly accused, when we are confronted over an issue in our life or when we lose our jobs. All of these situations (and I am sure more) bring to the surface that which is most deeply hidden in our hearts. Here is where the true test of character lies - for better for worse.

Most of us pay too little attention to the words of Jesus that what comes out of a man is what is actually in a man. Most of us can manage our emotions and actions well enough in public forgetting that the most authentic version of us is being forged deep in our hearts in quiet times and hidden places that others do not see. This is where our deepest convictions are forged, our most authentic faith is developed and our character is hammered out. 

When crisis comes it is those convictions, that faith and that character that emerges in all of its depth or shallowness. Because it is in these times that we don't manage our emotions and responses well. Rather what is there is what emerges for all to see. Often it is not pretty. Sometimes is it amazingly Christ-like. The difference is what was forged in the deepest places of our lives. 

When faith, patience, trust in God's sovereignty and kindness toward others, even our accusers shows up in a crisis situation you know that it comes from a core of spiritual health. When bitterness, anger, accusations,  and self serving actions and attitudes show up in crisis you know that it comes from a core of spiritual dishealth.
For what is forged on the inside is what will surface in difficult times.

Who is the real you? The authentic you? Are you forging in deep places and quiet ways the faith, character and convictions that will show up unexpectedly when hard times come - as they inevitably do? The test of our true self is not how we act on a good day but how we handle ourselves on a truly bad and awful day.

Image management or heart management

All of us to one extent to another seek to manage our image. We want to look the best to others. In its most extreme forms, image management becomes narcissism and the inability to admit fault or to say "I was wrong." In its milder forms it manifests itself in not being fully transparent even when we are with safe people. We like to manage our image and we want people to see the managed version of us rather than the full and real us.


Think about this, however. Image management is simply about managing the outward appearance of our lives. It is no less "spin" than what we see Hollywood and government do every day. Image management is about making the outward facade of our lives look good. And it is totally the wrong focus.


What should concern us is heart management, not image management. If we manage our hearts well, we have no need to manage our image because what is inside will be what is manifested outside. Image management is only necessary when we have not managed our hearts and therefore need to make our outer self look clean knowing that there is an inner self that is not.


This is why Jesus called the Pharisees "whitewashed tombs" (nice on the outside and a corpse on the inside) and told us that what comes out of a man is simply a manifestation of what is in his heart. Manage our hearts, or as the Proverbs says, "guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life" and image management is no longer necessary. 


Here is the irony. Image management is a clue to us that we are neglecting something in our hearts. That neglect causes us to need to pretend all is well. If we find ourselves managing our image we ought to reflect on what it is that we are hiding from others and why. And rather than putting our energy into managing our image, we can put it to work managing our heart. 

The dangers of prolonged weariness

Our bodies and minds are made to run sprints and for a time marathons but we cannot be running continuously or for long seasons without hitting a danger zone. Weariness over a long period of time is debilitating to our bodies, our minds, and our souls. 


Weariness to our bodies may seem the most obvious and it can cause complications. After a number of health issues, when my body becomes weary I am more prone to illness so physical weariness is a sign to me that I need to back off. 


Mental weariness is not unlike driving when deeply tired. Responses are slower, reactions are often overreactions, and just as a tired driver becomes dangerous so do tired leaders. When tired, we do not think as sharply, our emotions are not as carefully regulated, and we are more prone to treat others without the care, diplomacy and concern for their well being that is normal. Tired leaders often use and abuse staff, often unintentionally. 


Tired leaders are far more prone to make errors of judgement including overestimating or underestimating responses to decisions that are made. Fatigue fogs judgement.


Of all the areas of fatigue, heart or soul fatigue is the most dangerous because it goes to the core of who we are and if we lose our true north at the heart and soul level, we lose our inner compass and here we are at the most risk. The evil one knows our default switches to deal with heart and soul weariness and we are at our most vulnerable in that place. 


Weariness and fatigue are a plea of our body for rest. We ignore it to our peril and put ourselves at risk if the weariness is prolonged. It is a bad place to be.

Five choices to avoid the dangerous false gods of ministry

Yesterday I wrote on the Dangerous and false ministry Gods of success, recognition, power and money. It generated unusual interest which did not surprise me given the propensity of leaders to allow these false gods to capture them. I hope leaders read it and I suspect that many staff and constituents read it since they are often the first to see their leaders moving down this destructive route.

In my experience, those who walk down this route have five common characteristics: They have neglected their inner life because of their busyness; they start to believe their own press; they stop listening to people they used to listen to and now listen only to those who tell them what they want to hear; they start to divide people into friends, those who agree with them and enemies, those who don't, and finally they have become significantly isolated from others.

In other words, leaders make choices about how they live which can lead them down paths that are exceedingly dangerous to their personal lives, families, relationship with god and ultimately ministry effectiveness. Or, they can embrace lifestyles that will keep them in safe waters. Either way these are leadership choices and not random events of fate.

1. I will modify my schedule so that there is time to think, reflect, spend time with God and time with key life friends. Our schedules are dangerous if not carefully regulated because they squeeze out margin necessary for time with God and for introspection, keep us from deep interactions with others, suck our spiritual lives dry and keep us on the edge of fatigue. 

This is clearly not how Jesus lived and it is clearly not how our physical or spiritual bodies were meant to function well. Only we can make the choice to slow down. With time, one can press deeply into God's word, evaluating our lives against what He wants of us and taking the time to compare our lives against that of Jesus.

2. I will not listen to or believe the press that others give me because while some of it may be true, I know the real me and the real me is much less impressive than the public me. Believing what others say about us is choosing to become delusional about who we really are. We are deeply flawed and broken sinners and the very fact we get caught up with false ministry gods is proof of our brokenness. 

The moment I allow others to put me on a pedestal and I start to believe their words as gospel, I am entering an "alternate reality field" which most of those around us know is not true but which we choose to buy into. Jesus was unimpressed by the accolades of others because He knew how fickle people can be.

3. I will continue to dialogue with those who have been truth tellers to me in the past. There is one caveat here. Those who have been faithful friends in the past will not always press into to a leader who is walking down a destructive path. This is because they intuitively understand that the individual does not really want to hear what they have to say. 

Thus it is incumbent on the leader to proactively ask these faithful friends what they see in their lives today and then to listen. Often they will not like to hear what they will hear but those are the wounds of faithful friends. Again, we make the choice.

4. I will not divide people into camps (friends - those who are loyal and agree with me) and (enemies - those who disagree with me and are therefore no longer loyal). Ironically those who disagree with us when we are walking down these paths are the most faithful friends we could ever have and those who agree with us are usually simply desiring to be on the in with fame and someone important like fans flock to rock stars. It is at this stage that wise leaders are deeply discerning about who their friends really are and who the "groupies" are.

5. I will not isolate myself from friendships, those I am accountable to, those who have spoken into my life faithfully in the past or from those around me.Isolation breeds a skewed view of reality because those who isolate themselves with a leader like this tell them what they want to hear, not what they need to hear. Isolation in any walk of life is dangerous. Isolation is particularly dangerous for those chasing false ministry gods.

Why is this so important? Because unchecked, these behaviors lead to what I call a Spiritual Narcissism whose outcomes are sad indeed. 

Dangerous and subtle false ministry gods

Ministry is a funny thing. By definition it is about serving Christ. But, just as the world has many false gods so do those in professional ministry. These gods often take the place of or get in the way of the God we are here to serve. They can creep up on us slowly but once entrenched they become agents of deceit that turn our eyes from the One we serve to ourselves because each of these false ministry gods are ultimately about us. They are not about Jesus.

The false god of success. We want ministry results but those very results when they become our obsession turn our eyes from Jesus to whatever definition of success we are measured by. The church becomes about numbers and programs and not about Jesus. We start to measure our dollars and budgets and not life transformation. Our buildings, facilities, programs, budgets, staff, technology, cutting edge strategies become our gods and lost in our drive for success is the one we serve, Jesus. 

The false god of recognition. Lets be honest. Most of us like recognition and some of us crave it. And ministry is a perfect platform for it because in addition to being somebody, we have the extra benefit of being able to say we do it for Jesus which is considered noble and self sacrificing. Actually, when recognition is our god, it is self aggrandizement and selfishness hiding behind the guise of ministry. The need for recognition from others rather than the smile of Jesus is a false god and one that is dangerously seductive. Whenever our ministry begins to feed our ego we are on dangerous ground.

The false god of power. This is a common false god of those in ministry leadership. It starts innocently enough perhaps - we need to lead. That leadership, however, brings with it power and the ability to control events and people. That power can become an instrument to fuel our false god of recognition and success and it is a great platform to exercise control over others. We can easily enough hide behind our mandate to lead and all the while feed a desire to exercise power over others. Ironically, the one we lead on the behalf of, Jesus, served those He led rather than controlling them. 

The false god of money. Ministry needs a certain amount of funding but that resource can easily become a god that drives us. When we start to pursue ministry funding more than we do Jesus, we substitute our resources for His power and provision. We become proud of our budgets and ability to raise funds and start to rely on our funding more than the One who is the ultimate source of all that we need. If only I had more funds we think, I could do more ministry when in reality if we had more of Jesus and His power we would see more true ministry fruit.

False gods are substitutes for Jesus whether we pursue them in the guise of ministry or in the secular arena. Those in ministry are no less susceptible to the lure of false gods than the rest of society. We simply have a different platform from which to pursue them. More importantly, however, since we do it under the guise of serving Jesus, they are perhaps even more devious and dangerous and harder for us to spot in our own lives. 

The issue of our deepest motivations is one that only we and Jesus can truly know but if we fool ourselves we are chasing something other than the Jesus we think we are serving. The only antidote is staying close to Jesus, constantly staying in tune with the motivations that drive us and surrounding ourselves with people who can speak truth into our lives. And, we need to be constantly aware that we are always in danger of pursuing false gods rather than Jesus. 

Five danger zones for leaders that contribute to leadership failure

I have spent a great deal of time lately mulling over the propensity of otherwise good leaders to crash and burn after years of effective leadership. we have examples in Scripture of leaders like King Saul and there are many contemporary examples. But what are the factors and symptoms that most often contribute to good leaders who get themselves into trouble?

One. We neglect our inner life for too long a period of time. This is usually not by design but the busyness of life (leaders are busy) and the demands that are either self imposed or other imposed (and not regulated) cause many leaders to run faster and faster until they are exhausted and the shallowness of a neglected inner life catches up. We can easily rationalize our busyness by thinking that what we are doing we are doing for God but He does not ask us to do anything at the expense of our inner spiritual lives.

Schedule, a fast pace of life fueled by the "importance" of what I am doing are deadly to healthy leaders. Because our outer life is simply a reflection of our inner lives, neglect of the former spells trouble for the latter. The antidote is actually to slow down and do less activity, more introspection and spend more time with God. He does not feed our ego as our activity and other people do but He feeds our tired and hungry hearts. 

Two. We start to believe our own press. People tell us we are good leaders and somewhere along the way we begin to believe that we are better people and leaders than we really are. Our humility erodes and our pride increases until we end up with a highly over inflated view of our leadership, self importance and value to the organization we lead. 

Belief in ourselves, our abilities, when they become over-inflated, cause us to make decisions without adequate input from others (we know the direction, we know the truth north) and even make over-calculations as to the impact of those decisions. After all we have a history of making good calls so this one must be a good one as well. 

The antidote is never to believe the press others give you but to cultivate a thorough and accurate self knowledge that is based on deeply understanding one's wiring, dark side, propensity to sin and the "real truth" about who we are. The more press we get, the more time we need to access who we truly are because the accolades from others are never a true picture of who we really are. It is only a public persona that others see. They see the good but we know the dark side. What we want to maintain is an accurate picture of who we are which is rarely the inflated picture others have of us as leaders. The loss of personal humility is deadly to any leader.

Three. We stop listening to the people who will tell us the truth and start listening to those who tell us what we want to hear. This is a very dangerous place to be. Those who tell us what we want to hear simply stroke our egos and opinions which only works to prove to ourselves what we want to think or hear. It is false knowledge that begins to skew our view of reality. When our view of reality becomes skewed, we see life through a faulty lens which blinds us to the dysfunction in our lives and causes us to make decisions that are based on skewed data. 

Once a leader gets to this stage, they are headed for trouble because they no longer listen to truth tellers, even those who have been truth tellers and counselors in the past. Because they trust their own judgments, they are able to discard those who don't agree with them and seek counsel from those who will agree with them. 

This is complicated by a fourth characteristic. Leaders at this stage often divide people into two camps, those who are for them and those who are against them. After all, with an inflated view of our own self importance and value, those who disagree with us must not understand how God is using us! And in getting in our way they are also getting in God's way. Often those who share opinions or counsel that the leader does not want to hear are marginalized and put into the enemy camp effectively preventing them from ever speaking into their lives again. I have had this happen to me on a number of occasions. 

This becomes a self fulling prophecy of leadership implosion unless it can be halted. The antidote is to surround ourselves with wise, Godly people who have permission to speak into our lives and whose counsel we will never disregard even when it is hard to hear.   The best counselors are those who have had a history of giving us wise counsel in the past, before we were in the place we are today. When leaders crash and burn and others look back they almost always see an individual who has isolated herself or himself, stopped listening to those they used to listen to and increasingly narrowed their list of friends or counselors. 

Fifth, leaders who crash and burn have usually isolated themselves from others. Often this is because they no longer feel they need to be accountable, or are running too fast to stay in relationship, or are unwilling to be transparent in their relationships out of a desire to control their image. This isolation also involves keeping others at arms length so that it is not easy to "reach" them. Often, the knowledge that my opinion may cause them to marginalize me will keep me from speaking up, and the strong personality of an isolated leader can keep me from pressing in.

Image control naturally leads to isolation since transparency is a prerequisite of close relationship and transparency gets in the way of image control. The need to control image is a sign of one who has become isolated and that isolation will eventually hurt them. God designed us for relationship and community and that community keeps us from going in directions that are unhealthy. Isolation removes the protection of deep friendships and community and sets us up for trouble.

All of us need others in our lives who will speak truth, hold us accountable, help us in our journey of faith and give wise counsel. When we cross a line where we are too important or too busy to cultivate those relationships we will find ourselves in dangerous waters. If you are a leader, pay attention to these five characteristics. We are all susceptible to them. They are very dangerous, each of them. In combination they are deadly.

Ask yourself these questions on a regular basis:
1. Am I too busy for my inner life?
2. Am I starting to believe my own press?
3. Have I marginalized people I listened to in the past?
4. Am I dividing people into camps: for me and against me?
5. Am I becoming isolated?

Eleven things your younger leaders need to learn

Those of us who lead at any level are responsible for raising up the next generation of leaders behind us. Frequently we focus on leadership skills. Just as important, if not more, however is the development of the inner life of a leader from which their leadership will emerge.

I would like to suggest that there are eleven practices or disciplines that all leaders must have in order to be effective. If we can help the next generation leaders understand and live out these practices they will be well served. If they don't get these things they will not lead well.

1. The inner life of a leader will determine how good a leader they become. They can have all the skill in the world but if the inner life is not rock solid and continuously paid attention to they will not succeed as a spiritual leader. The hidden discipline of developing the inner life always comes before the public role of leadership.
2. Personal humility is a non-negotiable for good leadership. True humility is clear about what strengths we have as well as our weaknesses and therefore our need for others. Humility serves others while pride serves self. Because spiritual leadership is other focused and Jesus centered it must come from a place of personal humility.
3. Suffering and pain is a major way that God molds great leaders. It is when we are challenged that we grow and the test of a spiritual leader is whether they grow in their faith during hard times or move away from God in disillusionment. There is no way to effective leadership without the molding and forging of hard times. If you are going to lead, expect it and make the most of it.
4. Leaders actively embrace spiritual transformation. God can only use people to bring others closer to Him who are themselves allowing God to transform them. Transformation of their hearts to understand and live out grace. Transformation of their minds to think like Jesus thinks. Transformation of life priorities to align our lives with His and transformation of our relationships to see people as Jesus sees them and love people as Jesus loves them.
5. Our shadow side must be managed. All of us have a shadow side. It is the opposite of our strengths and it is those areas where we struggle with sin or negatively impact others. We cannot eliminate our shadow side but we can manage it by understanding it and modifying our behaviors so that they don't hurt others. Leaders who don't manage their shadow side will never lead well.
6. Emotional intelligence matters and needs to be developed. Healthy EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is one of the most important traits of a leader. It allows them to understand how they are perceived by others, to differ with others while staying relationally connected, hear feedback without defensiveness and negotiate conflict in a healthy manner. Poor EQ is the number one reason that leaders fail.
7. I can only lead from who God made me to be. God can use any personality style to lead and we will never be successful emulating someone else's leadership style. We can learn from others but we can only lead out of our own God given wiring. We must develop a leadership style that is consistent with our personality and wiring rather than emulate others.
8. Leaders live intentional lives. Accidental living does not make for a good leader because it is a life of reaction rather than a proactive life of considered intentionality. Leaders live intentionally so that they accomplish what God wants them to accomplish personally and with others. There is a discipline to a good leader's life that is based on the important things rather than the ancillary things.
9. Leaders are clear about what matters. There are many things that vie for our attention personally and organizationally. Leaders are able to identify what is truly important and not be distracted by the unimportant. They are clear themselves and help those they lead become clear. Clarity of life and mission are marks of a good leader.
10. Leaders live with transparency. The more transparent a leader is about both success and failure with others the more they are followed, respected and lead from authenticity. Authentic lives, where words match action, where we don't pretend to be something we are not and are open about our strengths and weaknesses, failures and accomplishments allows others to see the real us and to lead from a place of authenticity rather than from a place of pretense. 
11. Leaders guard their hearts. Everything in Christian leadership comes down to the heart. When leaders don't guard their hearts (King Saul) they lose their ability to lead. When they do (David) they lead from a place of health and strength. The Psalms say that David led from integrity of heart and skillful hands. Above all else, leaders guard their hearts on a moment by moment and daily basis.

Five mistakes to avoid in negotiating conflict

Conflict between individuals and organizations can either bring out the best or the worst in us. Too often it is the latter but that does not need to be the case. While conflict is a fact of living in a fallen world, there are ways to negotiate conflict in an honorable and God honoring way. We cannot control the behavior of the other party but we can determine ours. 


Avoid demonizing the opposing party. One of the reasons that conflict becomes so acrimonious so fast and continues to degenerate is that parties demonize the other. In doing so, they paint the other party as all bad. Once we believe that the other party is totally wrong or bad it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and rationale discussion is no longer possible. The other party may be displaying poor EQ, may be faulty in their thinking and may have poor motives but keep from making the conflict personal by demonizing them personally. 


Avoid sweeping statements. Facts matter in conflict. Stating provable and truthful facts is important. Sweeping statements that color the other party, their motives or their behaviors usually move beyond facts to our interpretation of those facts and it raises the level of conflict. If one cannot verify something, it is best not to raise the issue. Stick to what you know, can verify and avoid statements that are simply your assumptions, interpretations or exaggerations, or which go to the motives of the other party which you cannot know for certain.


Don't bring others into your conflict except to help resolve it. Involving others in conflict by rallying them to one's cause simply enlarges the conflict by enlarging the circle of individuals involved. It is like adding fuel to an existing fire and the likelihood is that additional people will be hurt. Keep the conflict between the principle parties and only bring others in to help resolve the issue.


Don't die on anthills. Choose carefully what issues really matter and must be resolved and what issues are trivial and in the end unimportant. Some people are obnoxious about needing to be right about everything. Don't be one of them. Some things just don't matter. 


Don't do it alone. Conflict, especially emotionally charged conflict, can significantly skew our own perspective. Emotions can get in the way of rationale thinking. Talk to someone you trust who can help you keep a proper perspective, counsel you on how to respond and help you avoid responses that will be unhelpful. This is not someone who will simply agree with you but someone who will give you wise counsel and who has no stake in the conflict.


Scripture talks a lot about wisdom, truth, discernment and peace. Conflict is inevitable in a fallen world. Seeking to deal with conflict in ways that honor Jesus and display the Fruit of the Spirit should be our goal.