The High Cost of Poor Emotional Intelligence

Consider these common scenarios:

A staff member resigns because of a poor fit with his/her organization or team and then on the way out plays the victim and seeks to damage the reputation of their supervisor or leader. The leader is left spending inordinate amounts of time putting out fires, clarifying “reality” and trying to undo the damage of the renegade staff member.

One of your staff has a tendency to get angry when things don’t go their way and in their anger make accusations, threats and ultimatums requiring you to constantly be in dialogue with them about their attitudes and responses which spill out over others and cause others pain. Everything seems to revolve around them, their issues, their pain, the injustices they feel and it takes a lot of your time cleaning up after them.

A member of your team seems to have a constant “edge” in their attitudes and interactions. You always have the sense that they are not really on your team. They display an arrogance that they could always do things better and while they are usually fairly gracious to you in person, you know that they are not as gracious with others when you are not there. You are left always wondering whether the team member is really on your team and you have a vague but real “gut feeling” that they are not to be trusted. You spend hours in dialogue and discussion when the “edge” becomes inappropriate but your staff member never seems to “get it” or take ownership for their attitudes.

You are a senior leader with a leader under you who “bonds” with his/her team through inappropriate emotional enmeshment. While they demand and receive loyalty from their team through their enmeshment, their loyalty to their team is far higher than their loyalty to your leadership, even though they serve under you. Together they develop an “us against the world” mentality and over time you realize that their team is not on your team. The team has effectively been high jacked by its leader – who should be in alignment with you. Ironically, while they demand that their team follows them, they cannot follow themselves.

What I am describing are high maintenance individuals who take an inordinate amount of time, cause one to be diverted from productive work while cleaning up their messes and negatively impact others in the organization. The bottom line is that they have poor emotional intelligence (EQ) and regardless of how competent they are, their poor EQ hurts the organization and is a drain on those who supervise them.

In my book, Leading From the Sandbox, I write that “Emotional Intelligence, often labeled EQ, is the ability to understand ourselves, know what drives us, accurately see how others perceive us, and understand how we relate to others. EQ also measures whether we have the relational skill to work with others while being “self-defining” and allowing others to speak into our lives. Good EQ includes openness to others’ opinions, lack of defensiveness, sensitivity to others, the ability to release others rather than control them, freedom for constructive and robust dialogue, and the willingness to abide by common decisions.”

“Signs of poor EQ include the inability to listen to others, defensiveness, unawareness of how we come across, lack of sensitivity to others’ feelings, an inability to deal constructively with conflict, a drive to control others, narcissism, and the need to have our own way.”

How do you handle folks who exhibit poor EQ and eat up your time and energy? This is the frustrating part because it is their poor EQ which prevents them from understanding their own issues or understanding your concerns. In fact, it can take some intense discussion around behaviors which are unacceptable and accountability for better behavior. It often means that a supervisor or leader must become more and more defining if behaviors don’t change.

There are people who never “get it” and in those cases one has to recognize that they probably will never “get it” and make a decision as to whether their behavior is acceptable in your organization. If it is not, don’t ignore it because their poor EQ impacts everyone around them, may well undermine you (depending on their behaviors) but certainly hurt the culture of your organization. You may need to “marginalize” them in a role that limits the damage they can make. Or, you may simply need to let them go for the sake of the health of your organization. What one should not do is ignore the issue. The cost of maintaining, dealing with and supervising people with poor EQ is high. I often wonder how much ministry is left on the table because of problematic individuals on our team. Remember that if they are impacting you, they are also impacting others. 

Above all, be aware of the EQ issues when hiring. No matter how competent an individual, if they have poor EQ they will hurt you, your team and your organization. Compromising on this issue is one of the most common mistakes in hiring. Leading From the Sandbox can help you think through these issues if you are dealing with them on your team.

Generous Living, Generous Hearts, Generous God

One of the key indicators of our followership of Christ and spiritual maturity is the generosity of our lives. A desire to generously step into other peoples situations and help them, a joyful heart in sharing with others what God has given us, the love of meeting others needs and generously giving back to God and His work what He has so lavishly given to us.

This way of life and generous heart is at complete odds with our consumer oriented culture which is about meeting my needs, my happiness, and my resources. Ironically, it is in giving away that we fully enjoy what God has given to us. It is also how we join Him in following His example of giving up everything for us (Philippians 2:5-11).  The most joyful and satisfied among us are those who choose the rare path of living generously rather than living selfishly.

I love Paul’s words to Timothy on a life of generosity. “Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life (1 Timothy 6:17-19).”

This is not simply about money. Rather it is about generous hearts that love to “do good,” that are “rich in good deeds” and that are “generous and willing to share.” Generous hearts love to help others. They make generous time in their lives to be Jesus to those who need an encouraging word, a warm meal, a personal visit or a hand of help. That lifestyle and heart spills over to our possessions and resources – loving to share what we have and being generous in our giving. Not because we have to – we don’t – but because we want to mirror the generous heart of God and in doing so find freedom from selfish living. Generous living brings freedom while selfish living brings all manner of concerns because our focus is on ourselves and our stuff.

Read carefully these word on generosity from Paul to the Corinthians – who did not understand the concept very well. “Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God (2 Corinthians 9:10-11).”

Generosity on our part results a generous response from God which gives us the ability to be even more generous with others – financially and otherwise. “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work (2 Corinthians 9:8).”

Many television preachers would want us to give so that we become rich. God invites us to lives of generosity because it reflects His heart.  In fact, if wealth is the goal, one does not understand the gospel which places its confidence in God rather than in stuff. And, which is magnificently generous and trusts God to meet our needs. The result of Christ’s life was not wealth – in fact it was the opposite. It was a life of generosity to those who did not deserve it that transforms our lives until we become like Him with generous hearts and lives.

I want His heart. It will only come with following His example of a generous heart and life.The more generous I live, the more my heart becomes like His. It is a lifelong pursuit of learning to live like Him and overcoming the selfishness with which my lower nature pulls me. But it is a journey toward freedom and His character in me.

Western vs. Indigenous Missionaries

There is a quiet but very important debate taking place regarding the place of western missionaries in today’s expensive world. There are some who argue that the day of long term missionaries from the west is over and that we should simply support indigenous missionaries across the globe at a much lesser cost. The implications of how we answer that question are significant.

Let me say up front that I lead ReachGlobal, an international missions organization of the EFCA. Let me also say that I believe that the vision for reaching the world does not lie with organizations but with the local church. The best missions, in my view, are those who exist to serve the missions vision of the local church and provide structure, long term strategic help and best practices.

Let’s talk about money for a moment. It costs around $100,000 per mission family to be on the field in our and similar organizations. That sounds like a lot – but it is not that much different than the cost of pastoral staff for a local church – if you add in the hidden costs above salary such as health insurance, retirement, staff administrative help and perhaps the most expensive cost of all – the expensive church facilities that staff work in. The difference between missionaries and local church staff is very small when you consider the hidden costs that churches must cover in order to staff their ministry.

It is true that missionaries who are not productive do not belong on the field. It is equally true that this applies to church staff in the United States as well. The fact that some ministries don't deal with unproductive staff in both arenas does not negate the need for staff. It makes the case for the right staff who are engaged in the right work.

The question of value for that money is an important one. If missionaries are simply doing what local believers could do one may have an argument for funding locals rather than western missionaries. However, that misses a massive shift that is taking place within the mission world today where missionaries are increasingly not the hands on doers but the mentors, equippers and releasers of indigenous workers. In fact, in ReachGlobal (RG), the central job of our staff is to develop, empower and release. This is something that local believers are not as capable of doing: they need and ask for help in raising up equipped workers for the harvest and increasingly that is the role of personnel from the west.

In addition, simply sending money rather than personnel raises another very important question: dependencies on western money that fosters dependence rather than independence and control (through our dollars) rather than the development of equal ministry partners. A book every church in the west should read is “When Helping Hurts: Alleviating Poverty Without Hurting the Poor...and Yourself.” Indiscriminate financial help is often a terrible gift with unintended consequences that the west does not understand. One of my colleagues at the Lausanne Conference in South Africa is a leader from Liberia. His observation is that money has done more to ruin ministry in countries like his than almost anything else.

In years past the west often had a paternalistic attitude toward missions. We had the money, we had the education and we were the experts. Too often we carried that attitude with us rather than developing, empowering and releasing indigenous personnel. Now, some would compound that error with an equal error. Western missionaries are not needed so we will just fund local ministries globally. Neither of these answers is Biblical and it is not an either or dichotomy but a both and. The missions mandate Christ left the church will only be met when all believers, those from the majority world and those from the minority world join hands to share the gospel with over five billion people who don’t know Christ.

From the inception of the church, it has been a mission sending church. Paul and Barnabas were simply the first in the hundreds of thousands of missionaries who have gone from one culture to another with the good news of Jesus. My parental family was in that line of faithful missionaries. The day we stop sending people and simply send our dollars is the day that we have abandoned the call of the church to “go and make disciples of all nations” and the inevitable result will be a quick decline even in giving for missions. What we tell our partners internationally applies to us: No church group is mature until they are intentionally reaching across ethnic, economic, political and culture lines to share the gospel.

The question of whether western missionaries are needed is really the wrong question because the New Testament does not give us the option of sending missionaries. The real question is what should long term missionaries in today’s world be doing? One thing we know they should be doing is raising up workers for the harvest in all parts of the world, doing formal and informal theological training, training church planters and pastors and doing everything we can to see multiplication take place where the gospel is not well known. In many places this means the hard work of evangelism and the making of disciples because there are none present. There are still vast tracts of our globe where the church is small, struggling or non-existent.

Ironically, just as some in the west believe that long term workers are no longer needed, believers in other parts of the world are increasingly sending their own missionaries. Missions has become all people reaching all people and many of our own teams are made up of personnel from different parts of the world. The question will be whether the western church loses out on the blessing of being a player in the world wide missions efforts in the years to come.

Missions does not win when missionaries do not partner with indigenous believers. Missions does not win when western missionaries are left on the sidelines. Missions wins when there is a synergistic relationship between missionaries from wherever they come and local believers wherever they are.

Mature Congregations

Local congregations go through predictable stages of development from birth, adolescence, and maturity. In the birth phase they are often doing those things necessary for survival. In adolescence, they are finding their way, dealing with internal issues and clarifying their identity. All of us hope that our congregation will get to the place of maturity but what are the marks that we have reached maturity? I would suggest that there are at least five. As you read these, think about your congregation as it relates to these five areas.

First: We understand that it is not about programs but about life change – true spiritual transformation.  While programs can serve the purposes of spiritual transformation, the emphasis is on what gets us to our goal, rather than running great programming for the kids and family. Mature congregations have thought through the reasons for their programming and evaluate whether that programming is actually contributing to life change and the mission of the church. Where it does not they retool or kill the program.  Mature congregations are after transformation of hearts (where grace is understood and lived out), transformation of our thinking so that it aligns with God’s, our priorities so they reflect a new way of thinking and finally relationships that reflect the grace and truth of Christ.

Second, mature ministries understand that it is not about our brand but about His Brand. They see themselves as part of a larger whole in their community and region – of Christ centered churches that have different names and different denominational affiliations but which are all part of the Bride and they value those relationships, pray for those other ministries, and promote an attitude of togetherness rather than independence. Immature ministries are still focused on themselves while mature ministries are focused on building the Church of Christ in their community and region.

Third, mature ministries are committed to working alongside other believers in the area to reach their area with the gospel. They are willing to set aside their petty differences, theological distinctive that are important to them but not to the gospel itself in order to see transformation come to a whole region. This is what happened in Acts 19 where the Church in Ephesus had such an outward vision that it saw a whole region come to knowledge of the gospel with amazing results in the lives of people who experienced genuine spiritual transformation. This could not have happened without the church in Ephesus both spawning other fellowships of believers but then working with those other fellowships for the proclamation of the Gospel. It was an outward looking church that was committed to His brand rather than its brand.

Here is a visual. When we are concerned only with our own ministries, we are like a dot on a map so in a large metro area with many churches we may be one of 100 dots. When we start to work with other congregations for the cause of the gospel we move from being a dot on the map to a concentric circle that intersects with several other circles. Would you rather have one hundred dots on the map or be one of 100 concentric circles intersecting one another so that there are synergies between churches rather than independent dots sitting in their own neighborhood?

Fourth, mature ministries give themselves away to others. They are involved in community transformation, helping meet needs around them. They are willing to mentor, train and give away ministry expertise to others who are not as far along as they are. They willingly share their facilities with others who can use them. They see beyond helping churches in their denomination and willingly serve those in others. In other words, they are kingdom focused rather than self focused. They are “rich in good deeds” toward their community and other believers and churches. They go out of their way to serve others.

Fifth, mature ministries are generous ministries. They help those in need both within their body and outside. They live out the command of Paul in 1 Timothy 6:17- 19 to be rich in good deeds, to be generous and to be willing to share. This is the inevitable result of living with an outward focus and open hands. Where there is a need they are found there. When they need to get their hands dirty they do. They live out the model of Christ who cared for those in need, even the least of these, and those who don’t fit our natural demographic.

There are many churches who live in adolescence for much of their existence. Has your congregation moved from adolescence to maturity? Actually it is not a matter of time as much as it is a matter of heart and commitment to a vision and lifestyle modeled by Christ himself.

Undiscerning church boards: A case study

I never cease to be amazed at how naive and undiscerning church  boards can be. Here is a case study from several years ago. 

The church has gone through a period of turbulent waters for a number of reasons and the senior pastor resigns. In the interim a staff member who loves nothing else better than to lead steps into the breach, is regular in the pulpit, and leads the staff. In addition, he puts his name in to become the next senior pastor and it is clear he desires the job. It is no secret that he wants the senior position. I will call this individual Bill.


When the search committee makes its decision, Bill is not chosen. Instead, it is Steve from outside. But when Steve comes, Bill is not asked to leave so Steve is working with the individual who wanted his job and believed should have his job on his staff.

Over the next several years, it is quickly apparent that Bill believes he is a better leader than Steve, passively resists his leadership - sometimes actively, is critical of Steve when they meet and tensions are present. Their philosophies of ministry are worlds apart, their style very different and Bill is often critical of how Steve leads. 

Yet the leadership of the church does nothing about it. They like Bill and Bill feels "called to be at the church"  and has a history at the church. Thus the board has set Steve up for an inevitable clash, for leadership pain, inability to build his own staff and a major lack of alignment on the staff. When it comes to how they would do things, Bill and Steve live on different planets.


When I met with Bill and Steve at Bill's request, I asked him who the better leader was and Bill told me in front of Steve that he was by far the better leader. I asked why he stayed at the church when he could not lead from the "first chair" and he said that the church needed his "prophetic voice" and would never leave. In other words, the church would not succeed without him and it was his prophetic voice that the church needed. I strongly suggested as an outside consultant that this arrangement would not work and that it was in fact doomed to fail. Bill came off as overly impressed with his own importance and the need of the church for his presence.


Over a period of months, as Steve pressed into this impossible situation, Bill decided that he should resign - reluctantly. He sent a letter of resignation to the elders and to my astonishment, several of the elders recommended that they should not accept the letter of resignation and that Steve should figure out how to work with Bill.

Never mind the lack of alignment, insubordination and the fact that Bill really wanted Steve's job. For some, Steve himself was the bad guy here who could not humble himself to work with Bill. In the meeting, he took a number of amazing shots for not making it work.


I was frankly stunned, sitting as an outsider listening to this conversation. Here was a group that had chosen Steve as their pastor over Bill and had then allowed Bill to stay so you had two competing leaders! Then when the inevitable tensions arose, Steve was the bad guy and should just "get along." If even Paul and Barnabas could not figure that out, how do we expect others to figure that out? I suggested that if they were that committed to Bill, they should have made him pastor rather than calling Steve, that they had set Steve up for this by keeping Bill on staff and that I had told Steve he should leave if the board did not support him on this.


Then, even more astonishing to me, they made it clear that Bill could stay in the church and some think he should be allowed to lead a ministry there as a lay leader - in spite of the fact that Steve now has a volunteer leader who wanted his job, does not respect him as a leader and who I predict will undermine Steve in subtle or not so subtle ways. In my world, Bill would be thanked for his service and asked to find another church. But, no, preservation of the unity of the body means that he should stay and even be eligible to serve in a lay leadership role.


Jesus told us to be innocent as doves and wise as serpents. Too many church boards lack basic wisdom in the name of "grace," and frankly violate other Scriptures by letting the fox into the hen house in the name of unity and grace. If these leaders are not careful they will lose a staff member but it will not be Bill. It will be Steve who they called but chose not to support and whose decisions in matters like these actually made it difficult for him to lead! And if Steve does eventually leave, they will get what their leadership deserved. They were not wise, did not support their pastor, did not make good decisions early on and did not think through the consequences of their decisions.


Wisdom is lacking in far too many board rooms of churches. In this case the word "foolish" from the book of Proverbs is far more applicable than the word "wisdom." Time will tell whether this board gets its act together. I pray they do.

Intentionality - not resolutions

It is the beginning of the new year and many of us think about the things we ought to do differently this year than we did last year. Get out of debt, lose weight, exercise more, spend more quality time with our spouse. Actually the list can get pretty long pretty fast given the realities of life and they also get left behind pretty quickly. Not because we don't think them important but usually because we have too many and apart from good intentions, do not have a plan.

One of the lessons I have learned in organizational and personal leadership is that less is more. Understanding the most critical issues one should be focused on and then having a plan for how one can address those few and specific issues over the course of a year actually brings greater progress in our personal and professional lives compared to trying to tweak many issues.

As I face this coming year, I actually am focusing on two personal issues and two professional issues. In both cases the issues are game changers that will have significant positive repercussions personally and for the organization I lead. I have also had to clear blocks of time in my calendar to ensure that what I set out to do this year can be accomplished.

My question for you is this: What are the one or two things in your personal life that if you gave attention to would make you a healthier person, closer to God or to others and are there things you need to pay attention too because they are hindering your personal life in some way? Make your list and then choose one or two that you want to tackle this year. 

On the professional side, what are the one or two issues that really need your specific attention and which tackled would be game changers for you or our organization? You cannot tackle a bunch but you can tackle one or two.

Having identified the personal and professional issues, look at your calendar so you can connect the compass (the issues you want to pay attention to) with the clock (your calendar) in order to achieve success in these areas. Remember: less is more; and it always takes a plan. Without a plan you have a resolution but not the intentionality  that can make it happen. Finally take time once a month to review your progress in each of these areas and realign as needed.

Those individuals who are most successful don't try to do everything. Rather they ask God for wisdom on the few things they need to concentrate on and then they go after those game changers with intentionality and discipline.

Hearts full of Thanks

It is ironic that in our affluence in many parts of the world that the one thing we often forget to do is to reflect on the many gifts that God has granted us and the amazing faithfulness He has shown us. There is no better time to chronicle our reasons for thanks than at the end of the year and as we look forward to a new year.

Think about the gifts He has given us this past year: provision for our daily bread - and beyond. Friends without whom our lives would be so empty! Family that loves us and whom we can encourage and build into. Protection from the many hazards of life - who knows how many times His angels protected us this past year without our even knowing it. Direction and wisdom in decisions that we have made. Presence and peace in the hardships we walked through. A rising sun each morning and a setting sun each night to remind us of His ongoing presence in this universe. 

Many of us walked through hardships in the past year. Have we thanked God for those moments which drew us closer to Him, caused our faith to grow and gave Him a chance to demonstrate His goodness in the midst of pain?

Some of us are living with severe illness and the uncertainty it brings. Have we thanked Him for the gift of life as we wake up each day knowing that it is a day of undeserved grace - indeed for each one of us?

Some of us face uncertainty as we look toward a new year. Have we thanked Him that we do not walk into this new chapter alone? That the Lord of the Universe walks with us, before us and knows the end from the beginning?

Thanksgiving is the very foundation of life in Christ who has ransomed us, redeemed us, given us His Spirit, infused us with His presence, provided us with His hope, stamped us for an eternal destiny and given us purpose every day of our lives. In a life of thanksgiving we truly live with appreciation for who our Lord and Savior is which feeds and grows our faith. A life devoid of regular thanksgiving is a diminished life of selfishness, want and sadness.

Many of us will watch the celebrations tonight as the new year is rung in around the world. As we celebrate, lets not forget the true reason for celebration - an amazing, generous, magnanimous Savior who showers all of His blessings on us and loves us with a pure, unrelenting love. Don't end this year without chronicling His goodness to you and thanking Him for that goodness.

A Story Stranger than Fiction

No story is better known. No story better captures the heart of a child - small or grown - than the one we celebrate today. No matter how many times we hear the story it never grows old, it never disappoints, never ceases to evoke deep emotions of wonder, awe and comfort. An angel’s proclamation to illiterate shepherds, a teenage unwed mother, a loyal carpenter fiancee, the evil king Herod, a cold, clear, Bethlehem night without a place to stay. A messy birth in an animal’s stall, alongside a dirty alley in the dark of night. Confused cows watching unknowing as the Son of the universe stares back unknowing at the very animals He had created eons before. A mother, a child, a carpenter, a few agitated animals and the pungent smell of manure.



This is a story so absurd that it could only have been scripted by a Divine hand. No other writer would have attempted such a script. If they had they would not have claimed it to be true: fiction maybe, but not reality. This is not how the One whose voice had echoed off of a billion galaxies would make His entrance. Without CNN and Fox News, into a hovel known affectionately today as Bethlehem but then nothing more than a tiny village on the path to Jerusalem.

His entrance was marked not by a proclamation to kings but to astonished herdsmen sleeping with sheep. The heavens opened with ten thousand voices – not over Jerusalem the ancient capital – but over a tiny grazing field for a handful of insignificant shepherds. They would be the only witnesses of the grand entrance of a King. No other writer would have written such a script.

No other author would have taken such a chance. For behind this story there are echoes of another story - equally incredulous. Centuries before in the vastness of eternity past – when infinity kissed infinity, The Master of Infinity spoke into being the universe in which we live - 3,000 of whose stars are visible to the careful eye, 30 billion visible from a large telescope, - the other 90% of the universe still hidden from our eyes. Its splendor an eternal testimony to the Author of the story.

Immortal, invisible, God only wise,
In light inaccessible hid from our eyes,
Most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,
Almighty, victorious, Thy great name we praise.


Great Father of glory, pure Father of light,
Thine angels adore thee, all veiling their sight;
All praise we would render: O help us to see
Tis only the splendor of light hideth Thee.
(Walter Chalmers Smith)


The Author’s heart was restless still, lonely in His perfection. A heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longed to give away infinite love. Again the Author spoke: A planet was expertly crafted. One among billions. A people wonderfully created – in the image of the Author. Free to love, free to experience the infinite goodness of the Author. Free to revel in His infinite Love. But above all free. Love cannot be forced and remain love.


We are not the sole owners of broken hearts. No heart suffered such sorrow as Infinite Love rejected. Image bearers rejected the Image Maker. The story’s characters fired the Author to write their own script. Unmatched, searing pain pierced the Author’s heart as the loved jilted the Lover.


Chaos infiltrated beauty. A planet was hijacked and spun out of control. Poverty of spirit supplanted endless joy. Unfulfilled hearts realized the pain of lost love. Without the Author, individual story lines faltered – and failed. Sadness reigned. Darkness descended in seeming endless gloom.

Truth can be stranger than fiction. For in the pained heavens the grieving Author plotted love’s revenge. An awesome revenge that only Divinity could contrive – that only Divinity would contrive. Having lost His loved, the Lover would send His most loved to reclaim His heart’s desire. The rejected Creator would kiss the unfaithful created. Tender mercy in place of deserved destruction. An astonished heaven broke into unbelieving applause. Image bearers would be reclaimed by the Image Maker. Light would once again prevail over darkness. Brokenness would be made whole. Peace would triumph over chaos.

All was silent in the heavens on the chosen night. Angels held their corporate breath. For nine months the Son had been absent, resident in a young girls womb, coming to us not as a king but incognito, just one of thousands of children that would be born on a lonely planet that night – into the darkness that our word had become. Placenta covered the Son of the universe arriving to claim back His beloved: this time, one by one, heart by heart. Tender mercy arriving in disguise: one of us, one like us. On that night, the Author personally entered our story.

Such humility our world has never known. A stunning reversal for a world gone astray. A Heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longing to give away infinite love, arriving under cover of night in order to “shine on those living in darkness…to guide our feet into the path of peace.” (Luke 1:27).

When an author writes, each character is unique; each has his or her own storyline. We, each have a story – unique, unrepeated, singular. Each story has its own joy, its own pain, its own pathos and unmatched quality. But each shares one singular, astonishing feature. We are made in the Author’s image, and He will not rest until we have invited Him to join in our story.

More astonishing than the script He has authored, the story we celebrate today is that He also wants to enter into your story. This is the most ancient of stories but it is also the most contemporary of stories. The Christmas story is but one chapter in the Author’s divine script. The Author is still writing. And every person who invites Him into their story becomes a separate and unique chapter in His unfinished book. And into each story He brings His light and peace.

“For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.” (John 3:16-17.)


Have you invited Him into your story?

Difficult but Necessary Decisions

Perhaps the most difficult decisions that leaders make are those of personnel, both hiring and letting staff go. While some leaders are way too quick to pull the plug on situations that are not working, most of us wait way too long to take action when we need too, prolonging our pain, the pain of others and compromising the mission of the organization.

Our reasons for not addressing situations where the fit is not right, where there is not missional and philosophical alignment or where the job has outgrown the staff member are many. It can be conflict avoidance, hoping against hope that things will "work out," grace, or just fear of facing the pain of letting someone go. Usually, however, our "gut" has already told us that it will not work and since prior performance is the best predictor of future behavior, we have the knowledge we need - just not the resolve to solve the problem. I have been there like many of you.

There are three issues that we must consider when we face this kind of situation. First, if the fit is not right with the rest of the team, that lack of fit or alignment is like an anchor around the whole team, pulling it down and keeping it from moving forward. In other words, lack of fit hurts the team or organization as a whole and compromises its ability to move forward in health and vitality.

Second, where the issue is competence, the lack of competence of an individual to play at the level they need to play at hurts the reputation and perception of the organization. In one ministry that I consulted with, a program was started that had promise and made promises. Unfortunately, the individual running that program could never deliver on the promise and nearly everyone who used the program came away disillusioned. The program is still running in spite of the fact that every disillusioned customer hurts the reputation of the ministry as a whole. They would have been better off to cut their losses either by moving the staff member on, or shutting down a program which over promised and under delivered for more than a decade. I have made this mistake at times as well.

Thirdly, and this may be the hardest for us to accept is that when there is a lack of fit or the needs of the job have outgrown the competence of someone to fulfill it, we actually do a disservice to those who are involved by keeping them in that slot. Even when they do not understand that they are in the wrong spot (many who are don't), whenever someone is not in the right "lane" they will not be fulfilled and fruitful - two things we should want for every staff member.

How should we handle such situations? The one thing we should not do is to ignore the obvious or what we know in our "gut." Facing reality that the fit is not right or the competency is not present is one of the jobs of leaders - not a pleasant one but an important one. Not dealing with what they know to be true has a negative impact on the mission and organization they lead.

We all know that letting someone go must be done wisely, at the right time and in a defensible way. When a staff member does not have much of a constituency it is far easier. When they do, even though the fit is not right or competency not present it is more complicated and plan that takes into account unintended consequences becomes critical. What we cannot do as leaders is to do nothing because in that scenario we have neglected one of our key duties as a leader which is to ensure that the organization stays healthy and that barriers to our mission fulfillment are removed. At that point the issue is not if but how!

Building Cultures of Expectation

Good leaders are people of hope and optimism: they are evangelists of hope to those they lead. In addition, they are always intentional in helping develop cultures of expectation within their team or organization for what God desires to do in and through them. 


Many in ministry have little expectation for what God is going to do in and through them. All you need to do is to listen to them pray: small prayers for small things - without passion and without belief that God will actually show up. Contrast that with those who pray for big things, expect big things and plan for big things.


Jesus himself told us to expect big things: "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples (John 15:7-8). Even more stunning is the statement to His disciples, "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name and I will do it" (John 14:12-14).


Not once in any of his Epistles was Paul pessimistic about what God was up to. His words are those of amazing expectation of what God was up to. "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen (Ephesians 3:20-21)." I cannot read that without shivers going down my spine!


Because we live in a world full of problems and challenges, most people focus not on what God is up to but all the issues they face. Leaders are those who lift the eyes of others to our powerful Lord and remind them that God is always at work in amazing ways and that He wants to work through us.


Leaders encourage their people to be in the Scriptures regularly because focusing on Him and His word helps us to think like Him and to start claiming His amazing promises. Leaders encourage times of individual and corporate prayer focusing on the goodness, greatness and plans of God for our world. Prayer is time exposure to Jesus and we don't leave unchanged. Leaders also encourage their people to develop prayer teams who are together claiming God's promises for our work. I am privileged to have hundreds of people praying for me at any given time.


Finally, leaders lift up the purpose, power, passion and resolve of our Lord to reach this planet for Him on a constant business. God is always up to something wonderful. He is always providing fruit to those who seek his help. He is always working in improbable ways through improbable situations and improbable people. He is, after all the One whose glory will cover the earth as the waters cover the sea and the one before whom every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.


Leaders of ministries are the purveyors of the very hope that God lays out for us in Scripture and that Jesus demonstrated in the Gospels. They lift up the big and loving and powerful and "at work" God and call their people to join him in His amazing work. They build cultures of expectation that God is going to use our efforts in significant ways for His kingdom purposes. How are you doing as a purveyor of hope and one who is building a culture of expectation?

A tiny town, welcome homes

It was not a famous or important town in Jesus' day. In fact, it was a tiny hovel two miles from Jerusalem. Unlike Jerusalem it was a town that welcomed Jesus. Unlike Galilee it was a place that believed in Jesus. In this town, Jesus found welcome and needed rest. In this town, He was worshipped as the One who was worth a whole years wages of pure nard from India broken and poured over His head by a woman who was shunned by the rest of society.

It was in this town that a resurrection took place - before the resurrection in Christ himself - the friend of Jesus, Lazarus. In this town he invited Mary to sit at His feet where only men were supposed to be. In this town, Jesus dined at the home of Simon the Leper, something others would never have done. And while born in Nazareth and crucified in Jerusalem, it was in this town that Jesus ascended up into heaven after his resurrection.

A tiny, insignificant town. It was poor, it housed those who lived from paycheck to paycheck and more than a few disreputable types. But it had one thing that has preserved its name for all eternity - it was a town that welcomed Jesus. There were homes where He could come and spend the night and where he felt at home. There were homes where friends ministered to Him rather than He ministering to them. Here he was loved, here he could rest, here he could be ministered to, here he could be away from the crowds who only wanted something from Him. Here people like Mary just wanted to be with Him in His presence.

In Ascending from this town He paid it a great honor. He came to a family who loved him. He ascended from a town that loved Him.

Bethany: a place where Jesus was always welcome and at home. I want my home to be like the home of Mary and Martha. And I want my town to be a place where He is welcome because He has many friends in the neighborhood: who love Him, want to be with Him and honor Him with all that they are and have.

Calebs and Joshuas: The Key to Healthy Ministries

Our world is filled with naysayers: those who have little vision, small faith, high fear and frankly don't believe that God is capable of doing great things. This is true in the church, in missions, and any number of Christian organizations. The book written years ago "Your God is Too Small" applies today.

Small vision, little faith, and high fear factors to try something significant for God are responsible for much of the lack of fruit in many ministries. Board members who say "we've never done that before," pastors who are comfortable with the status quo, missionaries who don't really believe that God can break in and do something because of the "hard soil" all contribute to ministry initiatives that lack vision and faith or entrepreneurial spirit. It is life in the comfort zone of diminished and empty faith rather than life lived on faith that God can do what we cannot do!

The difference between those of small faith and those of big faith is this. The first group defines faith as that which we can accomplish by ourselves. The second group defines faith as that which only God can accomplish. The first is all about human effort and the second is all about divine power.

This was the divide between those who were sent by Moses into Canaan to explore it on behalf of the Israelites (Numbers 13-15). Ten of those who reported back reported what were probably true facts as they had seen them. Their conclusion was that the Israelites would never be successful in taking the land. They saw through human eyes and from that standpoint were probably quite accurate.

Caleb and Joshua, however, saw through divine eyes and they simply said, "We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it" (Numbers 13:30).

Their confidence was in the power of God rather than the strength of their army. "The land we passed through and explored is exceedingly good. If the Lord is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey and will give it to us. Only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will swallow them up. Their protection is gone, but the Lord is with us. Do not be afraid of them" (Numbers 14:7-9).

The negative ten focused on fear and human efforts. Caleb and Joshua focused on faith and God's provision. And it made all the difference in their perspective.

The church in the affluent west often bases their faith on what they can accomplish (or not) with their gifts, resources and plans. The missing factor is faith in Christ's ability and power to do far more than we could ever humanly do. After all, "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not (and cannot see)" Hebrews 12:1. If our plans and strategies and expectations of fruit only goes to what we ourselves can do we have shortchanged ourselves and underestimated God. God is not interested in what we can do by ourselves. He wants us to reach for things that only He can make possible so that He is the One who gets the glory - not us.

The church today is full of people like the ten who said, we cannot take the land. The church desperately needs the two - Caleb and Joshua who declare that we can - but only because it is God who goes before us. The mission world has many like the ten who really don't believe that God will actually break through in amazing ways. It too needs Calebs and Joshuas who live in the realm of deep abiding faith in the power and purpose of God to do far beyond what we could ask or imagine - in his strength, not ours.

Are you a Caleb or Joshua or more like the other ten? God calls us to "abundant and copious fruit (John 15) for the Kingdom based on his presence and power and Kingdom authority (Matthew 28:18-20). That takes vision, faith, belief and reliance on a power far greater than our own. Small faith leads to wandering in the wilderness like the Israelites. Courageous faith leads to the taking of the land. Which world do you live in today?

Three Kinds of Work for Leaders

Because leaders are by nature "busy" and always have a boatload of things that need to get done it is easy to fall into the trap of activity that does not actually drive the ministry or team forward. One of the ways to avoid this common tendency is to think of leadership work in three categories - and to pay attention to how much time we spend in each of these categories.

The first and easiest category is "routine work." Routine work includes those things that we pay attention to all the time. The hundred plus emails I receive every day requires my attention - it is routine. This applies to many of the meetings we have, reports we may fill out, and those activities that are a part of one's normal work.

The second and more challenging category is "management work." This is the work required to manage staff and processes including check in meetings, walking around and actually seeing what is happening, paying attention to metrics and finances. It is work that keeps current people and processes moving in the right direction.

The third and most difficult work leaders do is "directional work." It is the thinking, brain storming and evaluation of where we are and where we ought to be going as well as developing ideas as to how to get there. Directional work is actually the most important work a leader does although all three categories of work are necessary.

Here is the challenge for every leader. It is very easy to default toward routine work because it is ever present, blinks at us on our screen in the form of email and is natural for us to do. We all tend to default toward the easy and the immediate. While more challenging, management is a given for us and requires our attention. Management ensures that the status quo is healthy. What often gets lost, however, because our schedules are full with the routine and management is charting a course for the future which requires uninterrupted time, thinking, study, evaluation and prayer. We know it is important but the immediate often takes us from thinking about the future.

An helpful exercise is to color code one's calendar for a month or two according to the kind of work each obligation represents - routine, management and directional. Often one finds that the routine and day to day management leaves little time for the directional. Yet it is the directional that helps the organization move forward. While the routine, management and directional are all important, what is most important is not to neglect any of the three and not to default toward the easy (routine) at the expense of the hard (directional). Ask yourself on a monthly basis whether these three kinds of work are in balance in your schedule.

A way to prevent this from happening is to block schedule time for the directional before each month starts for thinking, planning, evaluating and praying about the future. That way the most important is not driven out by the urgent!

Building High Trust Organizations

The issue of trust in organizations is a complex one. It cannot be demanded but it can be cultivated. It may not be your current culture but it can become your future culture. Cultures of trust do not happen by accident: rather, they are built over time with a series of intentional practices that if lived out by the senior staff (and others who are willing) can impact the whole organization in very positive ways. Because trust is one of the key requirements for healthy interactions, collaboration and common mission, this is one aspect of culture that cannot be ignored.

One of the givens in building cultures of trust is that mistrust is often the bias that people have toward leaders. Our very political system was deliberately created to prevent leaders from having too much power with a system of checks and balances. Unless one reflects on the difference in ethics and commitments of Kingdom living (in the church) from what we experience in the world we forget that relationships that have been transformed by the Holy Spirit and which exhibit the fruit of the Spirit (however imperfectly) are fundamentally different than relationships where the Spirit is not present. We need to remind people that the qualities of love and unity are the very qualities that set us apart as God's people and that means a high regard for one another and a bias toward trust and love rather than mistrust and distrust.

When I am called into troubled churches to help them identify areas of dishealth, address them and chart a plan to move toward greater health there are often significant areas of mistrust that have their genesis in bad decisions, poor communication, fractured relationships and poor behavior. All of these will breed mistrust like a virus and must be identified, repented of, talked about, and new behaviors agreed to. This must always start with leaders owning up to ways in which they have contributed to the current mistrust, asking forgiveness where necessary and committing to new behaviors that will build trust. The rest of the congregation will rarely rise above the practices of its leaders so they set the stage for what will be.

One of the fundamental lessons I have learned over many years of leadership is that the fostering of an open, candid, atmosphere where any issue can be put on the table (as long as it is not a personal attack or with a hidden agenda) goes a long ways toward fostering trust. Mistrust grows where issues cannot be discussed because everyone knows they are off limits. On the teams I lead we have a "no elephants" policy. An elephant is something that cannot be discussed but everyone knows the issue is there. Once the issue is put on the table it is no longer an elephant, simply an issue to be negotiated through. The more elephants you have the less trust you will have. The fewer, the more trust you will have.

And that goes for me as a leader. I recently had a senior leadership meeting where some of my team felt free to criticize how I handled part of the meeting. Whether I agree with them or not is immaterial - the fact that they felt free to share their views is. I had to remind myself that I have nothing to prove and nothing to lose so as long as we can dialogue without defensiveness (on my part) we come to a better understanding. If I were to go defensive, the discussion would most likely start to shut down which would be a trust buster rather than a trust builder.

The degree that a team or group can express itself candidly (without personal attacks or hidden agendas) is a barometer of the trust level within the group. Robust discussion requires a high level of trust which is why many groups never get to that level of team. Leaders set the stage for this because directly or indirectly they either encourage and allow such robust discussion or shut it down. Thus the senior leader of an organization or team has a huge impact on the level of trust that is developed in an organization. Threatened leaders will never be able to build high trust organizations.

It is a helpful exercise for leaders and groups to discuss together what practices are trust builders and what are trust busters - agree that you will work toward eliminating trust busters and toward making trust builders a part of your organization.

For instance, trust busters include:

• Not keeping one's word
• Not being honest and open
• Refusing to admit mistakes when wrong
• Taking credit for the work of others

Trust builders include:

• Keeping our promises
• Being open, honest and candid (and diplomatic)
• Keeping short accounts in relationships
• Giving credit where credit is due

It is an instructive exercise to white board "trust busters" and "trust builders" and identify areas where your team could minimize the busters and maximize the builders. It gives you a common vocabulary for developing a culture of trust and eliminating practices that do the opposite. It may feel a bit scary but a nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude is at the heart of a culture of trust.

Trust is build one promise, one conversation, one dialogue, one relationship at a time. No matter where you are today, your church or organization can become a high trust organization with intentional attention and some changes in behavior.

Compliance driven organizations

One can tell much about corporate and ministry culture by simply reading their policies. Up front, I want to be clear that policies  are a positive and necessary set of parameters for any healthy organization as they spell out what is acceptable or unacceptable behavior. Well written policies are boundaries that are not to be violated. Organizations without clear policies on HR, finance, relationships with vendors, conflict of interest for example, leave themselves open to behaviors and practices that can harm and bring disrepute.

Beyond the basic, clear policies, organizations either have a culture of trust or mistrust. Compliance driven organizations - those who often are mistrustful seek to write a policy for any possible infraction - or as the result of an infraction. Thus everyone gets punished for the sins of a few. Someone misuses their time card so additional layers of policy and compliance are put in place to ensure that no one does that again. The end result is often the opposite of what is desired - cynicism because everyone knows that instead of dealing with the offender, another policy has been put in place to keep everyone in place - not a place most people want to be.

Healthy organizations develop policies that specify the expected behavior of its employees, keep them to a minimum rather than trying to anticipate all possible issues, hire good people, trust them and if the boundaries are broken, deal with that individual.

The same is true in terms of church bylaws which are often written to prevent past sins (in someones mind) from occurring again. Never mind that in doing so, the congregation is communicating mistrust toward some group (by the way they hem them in) or person (senior pastors or chairperson) that hamper the organization in the present. Far better to deal with the problem person(s) than to write unnecessary boundaries into bylaws that are hard to change in the present or the future.

Writing a policy to keep behavior within bounds rather than dealing with the behavior is usually the easy way out whether expressed in personnel or bylaws. It can also be the cowards way out since it avoids dealing with the behavior of an offending individual(s) and instead tries to solve the issue through a policy - which seldom solves the underlying problem which is personal behavior.

Compliance driven organizations - who believe that there needs to be a policy or procedure for everyone and everything are operating from a culture of mistrust rather than trust, foster a legalistic rather than grace filled culture and mistakenly believe that compliance to their rigid procedures will keep them healthy. Actually, healthy people working in a culture of trust and grace will make for a healthy organization - not the other way around.

Write policies where you must. Keep them to a minimum - same with bylaws, and deal with problematic people where that is necessary. Before you write a new policy to solve a problem, ask yourself if it is necessary and how it will be perceived by those who were not a part of the problem. Compliance driven organizations may solve some perceived problems but they also can create cultures of mistrust and cynicism.

Resolution or Revelation?

Think about the issues you face in your life that you wish were resolved. For some it is health, others, financial or family, relationships or jobs. We regularly walk through seasons where we wish for, pray for, and long for resolution of painful issues.

What we want is resolution. But what if the answer is not resolution – primarily – but revelation? In resolution the problem goes away, but in revelation we learn something about ourselves or about God that is far more important than the issue we face.

The Apostle Paul learned this: “To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassing great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness…For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Corinthians 12:7-10).”

Think of the power of Paul’s revelation. “For my power is made perfect in weakness…for when I am weak, then I am strong.” Had he simply been given his prayer for resolution, neither he nor us would have that lesson or learned that truth.

This does not mean that we don’t pray for resolution in the middle of hard times. It does mean that we also seek to understand if and what God might want to impress on us in a revelation from him that we would only learn in and through the process of difficulty and pain. At one and the same time, we pray for resolution and pray for revelation – in the sense that God may have something far more important for us than resolution. He might have a lesson or truth about Him and our lives that we would receive no other way.