Anxiety is wasted energy: Faith is the currency of the Kingdom

What is anxiety? It is nothing less than fear: fear of what might happen, could happen, is happening. Ultimately it is fear about what we fear will happen. The common word is clearly fear - an energy draining exercise which feeds on itself thought by thought until we are consumed by our anxious fears. In juxtaposition, Jesus says simply: "Do not be anxious about anything." Why? because He is able to supply everything that we need.

The most common repeated command is scripture is not a moral command. It is simply "Fear not." "Do not be afraid." "Do not let your minds be anxious." Rather, thank God in all circumstances because He is the One who can and does and will provide all that we need. If He is truly sovereign over the affairs of men and nations, He is also sovereign over the affairs of our daily lives.

In the Lord's prayer we are encouraged to pray daily that He would give us our "daily bread" that which we need today. It is instructive that he does not tell us to pray for our annual bread or retirement account but our daily bread: What is needed today. 

If "fear not" is the most often repeated biblical command, a close follow up is "give thanks" and "be thankful in all things." Thankfulness is one of the key antidotes to fear and anxiety. It is the constant reminder of the goodness of God, the promises of God, the provision of God and a thankful heart cannot be an anxious heart. Thanksgiving drives out fear and anxiety.

Our world is driven by fear but we live by faith. The whole economic system of our society is based on fear - all the things we need in order to have real security. Even our election was fear based! In the Kingdom, however, we live by faith. A daily faith. A simple faith in a sovereign God who loves us and cares for us and provides for us. 

Anxiety 

• cannot change anything and so is wasted energy.
• is fear based and therefore anti-Christian.
• is about me while faith is about Him.
• is disobedience in God's command to trust.
• is debilitating and tiring.
• is a ploy of the evil one to take our eyes off of Him.
• and trust are a daily choice

I love messy churches because they minister to messy people and bring restoration to messy lives

I love messy churches. Churches where there is transparency about where we actually are in life. Churches that welcome people who are screwed up, hurting, poor, criminal (imagine that), pregnant out of wedlock, people with prison records, who are marginalized, divorced, abused, addicted, and hopeless. Maybe people with tattoos, piercings, different color hair and grunge  clothing. Now that is the kind of church I want to be a part of.

I strongly suspect that Jesus would be in that kind of church judging from the company he kept back in His day. Actually, I think it was by intention. He knew where the receptive people were - generally not the well off, educated and professional (and I fit that profile), but the desperate and screwed up (all of us fit that profile in one way or another).

Where are those kinds of people welcome? The truth is that they are often not welcome. How can they be in congregations that are so concerned about outward appearances of "having it all together" that the utter lack of transparency about the struggles they have send a strong signal that "we are not like you."

Funny thing is that they actually are, they just don't want to admit it. Behind our masks of respectability are people whose marriages are struggling, kids who are struggling, hidden addictions that are destroying lives and families, unresolved anger, broken relationships, financial problems and all kinds of messy stuff. So why don't we just admit it and no longer pretend?

I know churches like that. Here is what I notice about them. First they are filled with people who are messed up and who get cleaned up. Second, because they are willing to be transparent about the mess that God cleaned up, others who are messed up know they are welcome. Third, there is a lot of grace for one another because we are not pretending that we have been or perhaps still are not messed up and in need of God's grace and the love of others.

Some churches pretend to live in the "Leave it to Beaver" world of respectability, apple pie, perfect families and "together people." What I believe is that it is a facade, not reality. What I know is that even if it were true, those who don't fit that profile won't be welcome. And they would be those most desperate for help and love and answers and spiritual renovation. Jesus said, I did not come for the healthy but for the sick.

I am always amused by parents who are concerned that their kids perfect youth group will be destroyed by the attitudes, language or behavior of kids from the local school. Excuse me? I thought the good news of the gospel is for the hurting and messed up? I know of adult small groups where a pagan who does not know any better actually tells the truth about their lives and they are met with a pregnant silence (what do we do with someone like that in our church). Excuse me? I thought the good news of the gospel was for people like that.

The very fascination with excellence and perfection in many churches today - from the building to the stage to the programming to the kinds of people we hold up are all at odds with the messiness, pain, dysfunction and bad stuff in the very people we want to reach out to - if we actually do. I suspect that there are churches who have no desire to reach out to people like that. They would not say it but they do say it - loudly with their culture and lack of transparency.

I vote with Jesus. Give me the messy church any day. I am not fascinated with perfection, I am wanting to live with the messy (I am one of those) and I want to help messed up people find help. Leave it to Beaver was a TV show. I want to live in the real world among real people who together want to be transformed into His image.

Tod Agnew, the musician got it right I think. Consider his words.Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Then why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?

Who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!

Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I want to be like you Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!

When we take up the offense of others

Some of the most difficult situations I have to deal with as an organizational leader are those who call my office angry and unhappy and irrational over an issue that they have no first hand knowledge of. They have taken up someone else's issue and have gone on a crusade.

The reason these are such difficult situations is this. First, because they don't have first hand knowledge one cannot have a rational conversation about what really happened. All they know is what they "heard" happened and in the context of anger, hurt and raw emotions. Thus this is not a conversation about facts but perceived facts and emotional reactions. Conversations that cannot be focused around objective facts are usually conversations that cannot be resolved. 

Second, the conversations are crazy making because those who take up other's offences usually do not reveal that fact. It is clear from the conversation that there is an issue behind the issue (some one else's offence) but it is never stated so one has a hard time getting at it. If I sense there is an underlying issue I will often probe as to what it is and try to get to the heart of the matter. Dealing with side issues does not help one resolve the real - underlying issues. Unless that is put on the table there is no resolution.

Third, because these conversations are not about facts since first hand knowledge is no present, it ends up being about perceptions and anger. Perceptions of others are usually wrong and anger cannot be resolved without dealing with facts. And facts cannot be established without those with first hand knowledge present. 

Finally these are no win conversations because those who take up the offense of others have no way to move on because they cannot resolve "facts." So while the person whose offense they picked up moves on eventually those who picked up the offense did not and cannot.

When there is conflict, the goal must always be to achieve reconciliation. The goal is to come to understanding and achieve a level of peace. When I take up someone else's offence, however, I am doing just the opposite, enlarging the conflict rather than minimizing it: I cannot solve it for others; my own anger spills over to others; I have no objectivity in the situation and because it is not my issue, I cannot find resolution. It is a no win situation and does nothing to bring reconciliation or peace.

Picking up someone else's offense is foolish, bad EQ, unbliblical and causes relational havoc beyond what was necessary. It is one thing to seek to help resolve an issue in a healthy and productive manner. But once you take up another's offense there is no good way out.  

The baton has passed: My father's death

My father went to heaven today at age 86. In some ways I lost him a number of years ago when dementia set in but today it was final - for this world. He left ten children, many grand and great grandchildren and many spiritual children.

My life changed today. I am not sure all the ways but I know it did. I will know it next week as well as we lower a casket into a grave.

There is no longer a generation of men ahead of me to die. I am now on the front lines. Mortality took a step closer. I cannot pretend. The grave is ample proof. My father said as much to me years ago when his father died. It was a rare instance of transparency into his heart. He was a private man but less so as the years went by.

Legacy now passes to me. I am part of my father's legacy and it is now mine to pass one on to my children: Jon, Chip and grandson Gavrel. Like my father's it will be flawed by living in a fallen world but still I have choices and those choices and example and relationships and life become the legacy I will one day leave. There is much that I can treasure about the legacy I was handed. There is much I can do about the legacy I hand off. 

Life is precious but it is also limited which is why heaven becomes even more precious. For it is unlimited in its time (there is none), its person (Jesus), and it's wonder. As C.S. Lewis wrote, it is the home we were truly made for. It is the home father was made for and he has now looked into the loving eyes of the One he served and loved. Like Paul, he fought the good fight. Like Paul, not perfectly, but like Paul not timidly either.

There is no unfinished business between us. Fortunately we took care of that years ago. It won't be long until we are reunited as he today is with parents, family and other friends who went before. I am sure there is a party taking place somewhere even as we grieve but grieve well for a life well lived. 

Finishing well is the challenge all of us have. Dad finished well. I desire to finish well. It makes the leaving ever so much more easy for the one who leaves and the ones who are left. For believers there are no final good by's, just temporary ones. 

See also, Legacy. Thoughts on my dad

Controlling conversations

Whenever a conversation starts to feel uncomfortable and one that seems to be deliberately putting you in a corner rather than allowing for freedom of dialogue, pay attention! Conversations that don't feel good or safe probably are not. 

This is not about conversations where two parties might disagree with one another. That is normal. This is about conversations that feel designed to control you, force you to a specific conclusion or force you to agree to something that you don't feel comfortable agreeing to.

Feeling uncomfortable in a conversation is often a sign that you are in an unhealthy conversation that will not end well if it continues. More about that in a moment.

Some people are masters at manipulating others. Most of us are not but the warning signal to us is a feeling of discomfort. That manipulation can come in the form of vigorous debate designed to get you to agree. It may come in the form of veiled or not so veiled threats if they are in a position of authority. It can come in the form of anger which one wants to dissuade, often by agreement. It may come in the form of "facts" that are not facts at all but broad generalizations that sound true but leave a question in your mind. I recently spoke with an individual regarding some issues of disagreement and he kept saying, "T.J. you know...." He was using gratuitous language to flatter me into agreeing with him.

Manipulation is just that. And its sign is discomfort or a feeling that this is not a two sided conversation but a one sided conversation. Manipulation is trying to force other to agree with us. It reflects dis-health in the one using it and we should be aware when it happens.

How can I respond if I am feeling manipulated or controlled in a conversation. Here are some suggestions:

• "It feels to me that you want me to agree with you and frankly I don't."
• "I think it would be helpful to have a third party in on this conversation because I am feeling pushed to agree with you."
• "Is this a two way dialogue or must I agree with your point of view?"
• "While I respect your opinion, you need to know that I don't agree with you but it feels that I must if we are going to keep a relationship."
• "I am feeling uncomfortable with where this conversation is going and I would like to put it off for another time."

With any of these comments you are gently but honestly calling the other party on their behavior and your discomfort. They are not used to people confronting them and will usually back off. Whatever you do, don't be manipulated by manipulators.

Criticism is easy. Real solutions are not!

Wise leaders observe things closely but do not criticize things quickly. As critical thinkers they are always aware of gaps between where we are and where we desire to be but they are also aware that closing those gaps is not as easy a proposition as it may seem. 

In my experience, criticism is often directed primarily against other people while the real problems are often systems and processes more than they are people. Thus the criticism of people rather than thinking critically about the process or system is often unfair and misguided. It also then becomes personal when the real solution is usually impersonal.

A few years ago I became impatient about our ability in ReachGlobal to deliver on our clarity at the team level. I pushed my senior staff rather hard to close the gap and I think they felt the pressure. When I finally hired a consultant to help us think through our processes the solution was actually pretty simple - some simple tools to bridge the gap between our vision and clarity and our execution and the problem was not inherently with people but with our process. I had been somewhat critical of leaders when the solution was a simple tool that we now use regularly. The problem was not people but process. 

That insight spawned a whole new set of simple tools for us that actually come out of lean industry and manufacturing but which we call ministry excellence. When something is not going right we have  a tool to examine and understand the process we use and almost always the solution is in the process or system, not in a negligent individual. Usually we not only solve the issue but find other efficiencies as well.

Today I am far slower to criticize people and quicker to ask about our systems to find out why something is not working the way it should. Sometimes it does come down to a person who is in the wrong place but more often than not it does not. I also want to resist the easy criticism that pervades so many organizations.

What leaders wish their staff understood about their role

There are many things leaders wish their staff understood about what they do. While there may be a  mystique about leadership, the realities are very different. So on behalf of many leaders, this is what I wish my staff understood (and many do) about what my life looks like as a leader. I am sure many other leaders have similar thoughts - if they could share them.

• On most days I love what I do. It is how God wired me.

• My greatest discouragements are not from the outside but from what people do or say within the organization.

• Criticism is easy. Real solutions are not! I don't have the luxury of criticizing. I must find solutions.

• I respond poorly to cynicism toward leaders and leadership. My calling is a calling just as yours is.

• My work never goes away, not even on vacation. Not Ever! Ask my children and my wife!

• Part of my job is to clean up messes that others make - quietly. 

• I don't mind criticism but I do have a heart (really) and how it is conveyed is important.

• It can be a lonely job as I cannot share everything that I am dealing with.

• Even leaders need encouragement when it is sincere.

• If you wonder what I do with my time it is all on my calendar and you may see it. I share my daily schedule with those who pray for me on a monthly basis.

• I desire the same respect from my staff as I give to them.

• I need your prayer daily. I pray daily for wisdom, favor and empowerment. I know how frail I and needy I am.

• If I sometimes seem distracted, please don't take it personally. I have a lot on my mind seeking to integrate all that our ministry does rather than simply one facet of the ministry.

• When I travel I take all my work with me including the hundred fifty plus emails I get daily. While others can disconnect, leaders cannot. Mornings start early and evenings end late. Sleeping in hotel beds 150+ nights a year is not a perk but a challenge!

• I have the joy and responsibility of sharing the blessings of success with our staff (who make great things happen) and taking responsibility for failures (no matter who made it happen) when they occur. 

• When I make a mistake it is more visible than when you do. I may require a lot more grace as well because of it. Some notice when you blow it. Everyone notices when I do.

• While I wish I could, I cannot meet all the expectations that people have for me and must focus on those things that God clearly wired and gifted me for. It is hard but necessary to say a gracious no. By the way, like you, I am only good at a few things and those are the ones I need to focus on.

• Because of my leadership visibility I will be misunderstood for things I do and say no matter what. I wish for the same grace and benefit of the doubt that I give to others. 

• When I do create questions I would prefer you ask me what I meant rather than talk to others. They don't know my heart, I do. I am always willing to talk.

• As a leader I can be a friend to staff (and want a highly collegial ethos) but there are boundaries because of my leadership role. Not all understand this.

• I am not the leader who came before me and not the one who will come after me. I am me! 

• Like you, I am accountable. All of us are including me. Like you, I answer for my decisions and work. If anything, my accountability is higher because my responsibility is higher.

• There are many things I don't have answers for and will not pretend that I do. I do a lot of thinking and pondering and dialogue and learning. I have learned that answers to complexity does not come easily. 

• I am deeply appreciative of the staff I work with. Whatever we accomplish is a team effort. I thank God daily for every one of them.

• As I said, on most days (including today - so far)  I love my job!