Manipulative "God talk"

It is amazing how individuals can use spiritual language to manipulate others in the church with the implication that to disregard or defy their demands is to defy God himself. 

Phrases like "I've prayed about this and God is clearly telling us to do such and such." "If we continue to pursue such and such, the curses of .... will fall on us. We need to repent and move toward a new way."

As my friend Quintin Steiff remarks, "These prayer bullies assume extraordinary authority and view themselves as virtual pipelines of the direct revelation of God. Their pride is staggering, they are deadly serious and they are usually unteachable. They are not speaking about the divinity of Christ or the substitutionary atonement of which the Scriptures speak clearly. Rather, it's about some secondary matter or personal preference like a ministry program or policy decision or building program or style of worship. And they are promoting or rejecting some viewpoint."

This is not about being sensitivity to God's leading but rather about outright manipulation. Often such individuals see themselves as prophets whose job is to correct the wrong ways of a congregation or organization but essentially what they want is their own way. They fight for it unfairly with God talk which automatically shuts down dialogue. After all, how do you argue with God?

If someone's God talk sounds manipulative it probably is. Don't allow it. I have run up against a few of these who were essentially narcissists cloaked in spirituality - a deadly combination.

Organizational pride and its impact on ministry

The problem of pride does not just impact individuals. It infects churches and Christian organizations as well. And it's impact is just as insidious.

The root of organizational pride is usually found in a period of "success" sometime in the ministry's history - the glory days if you will. For churches this is usually when they had the largest attendance and they were a big deal in the community. Years later, even with new circumstances and different numbers, those years are remembered and in the corporate memory they are still "a big deal." Even when in decline, years later, many churches believe they are still back in the glory days.

Like individual pride, organizational pride has its consequences. Pride keeps us from seeing our current reality. Pride keeps us from getting help. Pride keeps us from understanding that times have changed and so must we. Pride keeps us from learning from others - after all we are the experts. At all levels, organizational pride is a cancer that erodes our effectiveness and holds us back.

It is also a foolish posture because no organization stays at the top of the list forever. Ironically many ministries have the greatest pride long after the big time is over. And it keeps them from moving into a new future of productive ministry. 

Humility is not only the posture of a mature ministry but it is the key to moving from one period of ministry to another. A humble ministry does not get stuck in a past period of productivity since it has nothing to prove in the present. Humble ministries learn, grow, re-invent and focus on the present and future while prideful ministries focus on that period of success in their past: a crucial difference. 

I have worked with ministries who were immensely successful in a period of their ministry. That success made them resistant to the very changes that were needed to move to a new level of ministry effectiveness. They didn't want to hear that what got you to here will not get you to there. Their pride got in the way of seeing what they needed to see to move forward.

A period of success can fuel pride and in an ironic twist, that pride keeps us from moving forward in the present. Resist it if you are a leader. Humble ministries are far more nimble and change friendly than prideful ministries. Humble ministries have nothing to prove and nothing to lose. 

The churches frightful kodak moment

A very insightful article for those who are involved in ministry or are disillusioned with much of what happens in the American church.

What is your personal gospel initiative?

Everyone should have one: A personal gospel initiative - an intentional strategy for meeting and relating to unbelievers for the sake of relationship and opportunities to share the gospel. 

For many of us this will include neighbors where relationships are a natural. One of my gospel initiatives is a restaurant where I often work and meet for business lunches or breakfasts. Because I am there often (I have my own table - number 40) I also know all the staff and have developed good relationships with them. They know my name and I know theirs. We talk, I have shared some of my books with them and we are friends. Friendships lead to conversations which lead to opportunities to share the gospel.

What would happen if every member of our congregations had a personal gospel initiative? People they are praying for and intentionally relating to with the goal of loving them and sharing Jesus with them? It would vastly outdo all of our programmatic evangelistic efforts (good as they may be). It might even become a lifestyle which is always the goal. 

Either we disciple our kids or society will do it for us

Our investment in discipling our kids is one of the most important things that parents do. The sobering truth is that if we don't make the investment, society will disciple them for us - and that is a scary thought.

What does it mean to disciple our kids? First it means that we model for them what a sold out lifestyle for Jesus looks like: living in grace and extending it to others, thinking like Jesus thinks, aligning our priorities with His and seeing people as He sees them and loving them as He loves them. No son or daughter will miss the point when they see their parents living out a Jesus life.

I also believe that the daily interaction with kids is critical, especially when we are able to relate every day issues to a Jesus lifestyle. This is not about rules or legalism. It is about helping our kids understand that there is no part of life where our commitment to Jesus does not touch. For us, these conversations took place regularly at our dinner table where all kinds of issues were freely discussed and whether serious or humorous matters of faith and life were integrated.

As our kids get older, what about asking them if they would like to be involved in a more intentional discipleship process with their parents. Allow them to pick the materials and then meet, discuss, study and pray. Keep it separate from parenting. This is life on life seeking to understand how God relates to us and how we relate to Him. Many kids will jump at the opportunity.

However you do it, remember that if we don't disciple our kids, society will do it for us. That particular outsourcing is the cause of generations of kids leaving their faith and it is very sad. We want to leave an intentional spiritual legacy with our kids.  

Passive boards and controlling boards in the church: Both are dangerous

Church boards operate in one of three categories: As passive leaders, controlling leaders and engaged leaders. The first two kinds of board leadership are dangerous for a church and for its pastoral staff while the third is healthy.

Passive boards are those who ignore real issues in the church or with its senior pastoral leadership. These are boards that in the name of avoiding conflict allow their congregation to drift and even go into decline because they are unwilling to address real issues. Many congregations are allowed to plateau and go into decline without the board asking the hard questions as to why it is happening. People leave, giving declines, conversion growth plummets and conflict becomes normative and the leaders of the church don't act, ask hard questions or address the issues.

Often, congregants with passive boards simply move on to churches that are missional. They recognize the problem even as their leaders either don't recognize them or are too fearful to address them. It is a fatal error because leadership passivity will eventually make it very difficult to turn the ship and move back to health. The lack of attention to known problems is often driven by fear, lack of courage and an unwillingness to deal with issues that may cause conflict. In the end it is a failure of leadership and a failure to protect the congregation and the mission of the church. 

Then there are controlling boards who want to micromanage and second guess the decisions and work of a senior pastor and staff. This is equally destructive as good leaders will not say in a culture of control, nor should they. Boards are not meant to do the work that staff are tasked with doing. Controlling boards will eventually cause the church to plateau and pastoral leaders to leave. Decisions that belong with staff are co-opted by church leaders who want to do things their way. Decisions that should be made once now need to be made a second time - with the board. 

Controlling boards do not understand the role of boards which is to guard the health and direction of the church and govern from a high altitude rather then manage the affairs of the church which is the job of church staff. Controlling boards disempower those who serve on church staff and undermine the leadership of the senior pastor. Essentially they don't trust the senior leader to make the correct decisions.

Healthy boards are engaged boards. They engage in the big rocks of ensuring that the spiritual temperature of the church remains high, that the congregation is led, cared for, taught, protected and that people are developed, empowered and released in meaningful ministry. They team with the senior pastoral leader to ensure a healthy ministry and a vibrant spiritual culture. They guard the values of the church and monitor the spiritual results of the ministry. They are always aware of what is happening, ask the hard questions when necessary and ensure that the mission of the church is being fulfilled. They are intentional in their leadership.

As you think about the board in your congregation, which of the three kinds of boards does it represent?

Convictions or cookies: Which drives you?

Cookies are nice! They are the comments or affirmations we get in ministry because of what we do - preaching a good sermon, visiting someone in the hospital, helping those in need. In fact, it is easy to become driven by the cookies because they satisfy our ego and make us feel good about ourselves. I must be doing something important for Jesus is people give me all those cookies!

But: cookies can be dangerous as well. Cookies can motivate us to please others so that we get more cookies. And a drive to please others for our ego needs can cause us to play to people rather than to be driven to please God and to push into places that God wants us to push but people don't.

Hence my question: Are we driven more by cookies than by conviction?  Christian leaders must lead out of a deep place of inner conviction irregardless of whether we get cookies for our leadership. I remember rolling out some new paradigms in the mission I lead ten years ago to the consternation of many who saw it as the flavor of the month and me as out to lunch. If I were looking for cookies they were few and hard to find. And that lasted for quite a while. But what I did have was a deep abiding conviction that where we were going was where God wanted us to go and I said often, "Do not question my resolve!"

Sometimes cookies come and sometimes they don't. We are not called to chase cookies but to move in directions that God wants us to move with conviction and resolve. If I am chasing cookies I will not press into areas that are uncomfortable with either an individual or a congregation. If I am chasing cookies I will become a servant of men rather than of God. I may even compromise my convictions in the process.

I like cookies. But I recognize that cookies don't always serve me well. Convictions serve me much better. Especially those that come from God and are shared by my key colleagues as the direction God wants us to travel. Our best cookies will come from the words of our Lord one day. "Well done my good and faithful servant."