The rare magnet of grace

We live in a harsh world. It is not just our differences and the polarization of our society but it is the attitudes that accompany our differences. Attitudes of derision, anger, ill will, verbal assaults and relational separation. Such a context makes it all the more remarkable to meet people who practice the grace of Jesus toward others.

Extending grace to those we think don't deserve it is the most counter intuitive act we could perform. The only reason we can do this is that we recognize God did the same for us and we of all people did not deserve His grace. Not then and not now. But He extends it regardless because that is who He is.

Grace is wonderful when extended to us by God and others. It can be inconvenient when we are called to extend it to those around us. Especially those who irritate and anger us. Those who have hurt or failed us. Those who have committed some sin that we can condemn them for because it is worse than our own sin (in our eyes). But the thing about grace is that it is by definition unmerited favor. It is reserved only for those who don't deserve it. And none of us do! 

I had an uncle by the name of Warren. I always loved to be in his presence because he was a person of grace. Never condemning, always loving and accepting. There was no hint of condemnation in him. In this he was like Jesus. And very different from many Christ followers I know. 

Personally I don't believe the church has much of a greater understanding of grace than the rest of our world. We can be just as condemning, exhibit the same animosity toward those whose views do not match ours and perhaps even more judgmental of others since we can use the cudgel of Scripture to put others down. And we do. Just listen to the conversation of many. 

Of course we have a Scriptural excuse. We need to be people of grace and truth like Jesus was. We are very good at the truth part, which is where our attitudes of judgement come from. But we are very weak at grace, extending unmerited favor. 

And we forget that even when sharing truth, Jesus was normally very gentle: the woman at the well; the woman caught in adultery; the rich young ruler. Our truth can be hard and cutting. His was soft and gentle which made it all the more remarkable and caught his audience off guard. Even His truth was filled with grace. Truth if not communicated with the fruit of the Spirit is not God's truth.

I no longer assume Christ followers will be people of grace which makes it all the more beautiful when they are. While I too fail at it many times, I want to learn to be more like Jesus in this - and my uncle Warren. And to live out the admonition of Paul in Ephesians 4:32-5:2. "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

That is grace! Who can you show some grace to today?

Powerful relationships

We all have relationships. For most of us, however, they are relatively shallow and we long for something deeper: someone with whom we can reveal our true selves and the struggles we wrestle with. Friends who knows us fully and yet accepts us totally. That is a powerful relationship.

I am blessed with a few powerful relationships. Other men who know me, love me, accept me, challenge me and want the best for me. I have a handful of these but they are enough. I am thankful for each of them and tell them of my appreciation regularly. 

Why are these relationships so powerful? Because in each case there is a mutual commitment to honesty and wanting the best for one another. There is grace and love extended both ways. There is a desire by each to be there for the other and encouragement is a regular part of the relationship. We may or may not talk often but when we do it is a life giving conversation that leaves both of us uplifted, hopeful and accepted. Even if the rest of the world were to abandon me, I know that these will not, no I them.

The key to powerful relationships is that grace and understanding is always present - even when we are challenged or are challenging another. Judgmental attitudes kill openness while attitudes of grace invite it and make it a safe place to open our hearts and lives. I suspect that it is the absence of grace among so many that makes these relationships so rare - and special.  

Powerful relationships are safe places, one of the most sacred gifts that we can give and receive. They are sacred because it is like Christ who loves us unconditionally. They are sacred because it is rare. They are sacred because these are people who will never abandon or betray us.

Who are you a safe place for? What are the powerful relationships that define your life and allow you to give others a like gift? Never take them for granted. Nurture these friendships. Allow a few powerful relationships to enrich your life and you enrich the lives of others.

Trump, Clinton, truth, Jesus and grace

One cannot read any social media these days without being inundated by information on the upcoming election, the demonization of one candidate or the other, charges, counter charges and some pretty hot feelings about what a Christian should do in the upcoming election.

There are Christ followers who believe they cannot vote for either candidate. There are others who insist that you cannot be an evangelical and vote for Trump. And there are those who say you cannot be a true evangelical and vote for Clinton. Enter theologians with PhD's who have proven to us their case (on both sides). They in turn have been vilified for taking the wrong side in this interesting election, which ever side they have taken.

A few observations.

Neither side respects women. Trump may lack tact and may well be guilty of what he has been painted as (per his own words). On the other hand if the unborn are truly human (and I believe they are) Clinton is certainly not respecting the right of those "girls" or "boys" to live. Both sides have lied significantly and both deny the obvious. Politics today is dirty - and any reading of American history even back to our founding father's shows that this is nothing new. Further, much of our politics is driven by our own fears - whatever they are: immigration; supreme court choices; character of our elected leaders (they have rarely if ever been saints); the economy; and whatever else our fears are. All of this has polarized the nation and Christ followers as well - sadly. My final observation is that Jesus does not carry a card of the independent party, the Republicans or the Democrats. He is above our party squabbles and He has His own concerns that are not directly mirrored by any political party.

Paul made a significant statement when he wrote that we see through a glass darkly. I certainly do on many issues. I think each of you do as well. Our truth on issues not clearly delineated in Scriptures is always partial truth. It is why on even theology, God fearing individuals can have differing interpretations. Convictions are great and I respect them. But in the political arena there is a lot of grey given the observations above. I can share my convictions and the reasons for them with others but I cannot expect all to agree with me if we see through a glass darkly.

Members of my own extended family most of whom love and follow Jesus will vote on different sides of this election for valid reasons. It would be wrong for me to judge their choice if they are doing so out of their own conscience. It is equally wrong for us to allow politics to divide us in the church. There are valid reasons to vote for both candidates even from the perspective of a Christ follower. And there are reasons for those who choose not to vote for any candidate in this election. Civic duty notwithstanding.

This is not the first election - and will not be the last where people believe that the fate of the nation is at stake. We hear that every four years. And the gospel is not dependent on who gets in the supreme court. Besides, if you notice, those who do get in often don't vote the way the president who chose them thought they would. And last I heard, Jesus stands above nations and rulers and accomplishes His will since He is sovereign and is bringing history to His intended conclusion. Daniel in the Old Testament fully understood that as he represented one of the most pagan kings of the ancient world.

So my commitment is to pray for the nation, for the candidates (and God is quite capable of using either one for his purposes) and to give others grace in their convictions knowing that I see things through a glass darkly and will until the vision is fully cleared in the presence of the God of complete truth and righteousness. Jesus expects grace from His people toward one another and toward those who don't follow Him. When we lack grace we are not representing Him no matter which candidate we intend to vote for (or none at all). Grace matters!

Showing grace to ourselves

There are many of us, me included, who need to learn how to be more gentle on ourselves where we don't meet our own standards. Obsessing about a meeting or presentation that could have gone better, beating ourselves up for an idea that failed. Or for believers, being willing to forgive ourselves and let it be when God has forgiven us instead of continuing to resaw the sawdust in our own minds leaving us living in guilt instead of the freedom we have through forgiveness. Satan loves to keep us from experiencing the freedom we have in Christ. He came to redeem and forgive and give us freedom.

Reflect on how Jesus treats us. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)."

If Jesus is gentle with us why are we not gentle with ourselves? If he wants to give us rest for our weary and sinful souls why do we not live in that rest? If he wants to grant us freedom, why would we not live in that freedom? In essence when we do not forgive ourselves when He has we are not fully accepting his gift of forgiveness. And, living in guilt and shame leaves us open to the attack of the evil one in a special way.

All of us live with regrets and past failures. Jesus came to free us from that through His redemption and forgiveness. We are not perfect and will not be till we see Him. Part of followership of Jesus is accepting His grace in our lives and living in grace rather than in guilt and shame. Which are you living in today?

Marks of a gracious church

Church culture can be harsh as many of us have experienced. It can also be very loving and gracious, where it is intentionally fostered as what God desires for His family. Healthy churches reflect the character and graciousness of Jesus, while unhealthy churches reflect characteristics of our lower natures, such as legalism, infighting, unforgiveness, power plays and harsh judgments of others, and personal agendas. 

The character and spiritual commitments of the leaders of a church will largely determine whether the culture is healthy or unhealthy. Here are some of the marks of a gracious church that reflects the character of Jesus.

Grace abounds
Just like some individuals exude grace and acceptance, so do gracious churches. One feels accepted and loved no matter who you are or what your circumstance. There is no sense of judgment or criticism for those who come. It is a safe place to be who you are and to share your journey. There is no pretense, just grace. You feel at home!

Relationships are healthy
Gracious churches put a premium on healthy relationships. Space is given for differences, conflict is quickly resolved, words are healing rather than hurtful, disagreements are agreeable rather than conflictual, and forgiveness is fast and regular. There is not a culture of gossip but one of acceptance and love. In gracious churches, we seek to see people as Jesus sees them and love them as Jesus loves them.

Jesus is always lifted high
The secret of gracious churches is that their model is always Jesus. When we pursue our own agendas, we create conflict, but when we pursue the character and presence of Jesus, we get peace and grace. When Jesus is central, our own agendas are put aside, while when we are central, Jesus is put aside. Gracious churches keep Jesus central all the time.

The Gospel is central to everything
We often forget that the Gospel is Good News. Gracious churches major on the Gospel: forgiveness, redemption, healing, transformation, and regeneration. The Gospel is the hope that we have to see our lives become like Jesus, and gracious churches communicate that all the time. 

Hope is communicated all the time
What did Jesus bring, and what does the Gospel promise? Hope for the hurting; hope that we can change and become like Jesus; hope for our futures; hope for relational discord; hope for my own sin and dysfunctions. The Gospel is all about hope because it is about the transforming power of Jesus and the Holy Spirit's work in our lives. The world brings fear, while the Gospel brings hope.

Truth and grace are inseparable
It is amazing how harsh truth can be communicated compared to the way that Jesus shared the truth with amazing grace. The truth about our human condition is not always nice to hear, and there are sharp differences between the followership of Jesus and the pull of our lower nature but gracious churches, like Jesus, communicate truth with grace. The gospel calls us to a life with Jesus and radical life change, but it does so with love and grace. Think of how gracious Jesus is with our sins and issues. Gracious churches woo people toward God and allow the Holy Spirit to do its work as we encourage people in their spiritual pilgrimage.

Spiritual transformation is the goal
None of this is possible without the goal of helping people become more like Jesus, and that is what gracious churches do. They help people discover and live in grace, think like Jesus, align their life priorities with His and see people and love people as Jesus sees them and loves them. In fact, it is this emphasis on transformation that makes a church gracious because people start to look and act like Jesus. He is the magnet of a gracious church as His people reflect Him. And that makes it a wonderful family to be a part of.

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Do you attend a rigid, graceless or mean church?

They do exist, and the three descriptors of rigid, graceless, and mean go together pretty well. They play out in several key ways that all contribute to a dysfunctional (church) family system.  Here are some symptoms.

Legalism: There are a lot of rules about what is acceptable and unacceptable, which come not from Scripture (or a proper reading of it) but from tradition or someone's strong preference. Legalism stifles freedom, creates false guilt, and can be used to control people. 

Control: Usually, this comes from leaders who have a need to control the thinking and especially the opinions of people in the congregation. It usually shows up when an independent voice asks uncomfortable questions, and there is a direct effort made by leaders to cause them to back off. Words like "uncooperative," "causing dissent," or "disunity" may be used to seek to bring them into line. Groupthink is groupthink and not healthy. There should be plenty of room for differing opinions within a church body.

Lack of grace: This flows directly from legalism and control. This usually shows itself in gossip, caustic comments, and even prayer requests that are directed at the decisions or character of others. It is a judgmental attitude that tries to play the role of the Holy Spirit in the lives of others, but in a way, the Holy Spirit would never do it.

Meanness: This is often directed at independent voices when those individuals do not toe the party line. Again it can be gossip, it can be charges leveled against individuals, or even asking people to leave the church - not because they have sinned - but because they have challenged the system and someone does not like it. Those who are authoritarian leaders often use their position to impose their views on others through plain unkind words and conduct. It is wrong!

Why is this so toxic? Because it does not look like Jesus, and the church is all about Jesus. Toxic churches create toxic Christians who, in turn, create other toxic followers. It is antithetical to the kind of church culture described in the book of Ephesians. Whenever you feel controlled or made to feel guilty or are intentionally hurt by church leaders, be aware that you may be in an unhealthy system. Healthy churches do not act this way. Unhealthy churches do.

At Addington Consulting,

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Five ways that a proper understanding of grace impacts leadership

There are few issues more important to us personally or in our leadership than a proper understanding of grace. Our understanding or lack of it has significant implications for how we lead and how we respond and interact with others. It is one of those areas where theology and practice intersect in important ways.

First, leaders who understand and live in grace do not have a need to prove anything to God or to others. If I live in grace, I do not need to worry about being wrong nor do I need to live with defensiveness. Many leaders in the Christian arena are more about proving they can be successful than they are about serving Jesus. Grace frees us from the need to prove anything to God or others and therefore allows us to live in freedom.

Second, leaders who understand and live in grace don't need to seek perfection which is really all about proving something to others. They can rest in the fact that God is in control and while we do the best we can we can leave the results to God. We sow and water but only God can bring the harvest. Without grace, leaders feel they need to produce results. Living in grace allows us to rest in Him, do the right things and trust Him for transformational results.

Third, leaders who understand and live in grace are able to extend grace and understanding to their staff. This is not an excuse for allowing shoddy work. It is a posture of wanting the very best for others and extending the same grace that Jesus extends to us. Harsh leaders simply don't understand grace. Think of the Fruit of the Spirit and you get the picture of what grace looks like in relationships. 

Fourth, leaders who understand and live in grace create cultures in their teams and organizations of grace. The culture of an organization is often a direct reflection of the leader's own spiritual and emotional health. Legalistic or harsh cultures simply reflect the ethos of its leadership. Where a leader understands and lives in grace he/she creates that culture in their organization.

Fifth, leaders who understand and live in grace create cultures where there is no fear of candid dialogue and diverse opinions because grace allows us to live with a Nothing to Prove and Nothing to Lose attitude. Without defensiveness, we can invite honest dialogue, deal with elephants and create a culture of grace and truth. Where that is not the case, I would argue that the leader (and or staff) are not living in grace.

I would guess there are many other implications of a life of grace. What I do know is that leaders who understand and live in grace create healthy cultures and those who don't won't.

Posted from Oakdale, MN

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

How a life of grace makes humility possible and pride less likely

Pride is ubiquitous among leaders in the Christian world. The interesting thing about pride is that it is often rooted in insecurity. If I am insecure I don't want to be wrong and if I don't want to be wrong I will insist that I am right which leads directly away from humility and straight toward pride. 

But why do we live with needing to hide our insecurities and weaknesses and mask them with certainty and a need to be right? May I suggest that it is because we are trying to prove something about ourselves? That we are good enough? That we are not failures? That we are worthy people? That God will be happy with us? That we are successful? 

Is it possible that at the heart of our pride and fear of failure and therefore a need to be right and in charge is that we do not understand grace? What is grace about other than that God accepts us with all of our sin, weaknesses, dysfunctions, dark sides, and all the rest we can name. And if He accepts us and loves us and if we live in His grace, why do we need to pretend we are something we are not or fear our insecurities? After all, God knows everything about us fully and yet loves us fully. He loved us when we didn't know Him and even then extended grace. 

Understanding God's grace is necessary to give ourselves grace. And if I am living in grace I don't need to pretend, I don't need to be right, I don't need to prove myself to others and I can admit my insecurities, failures and other areas of struggle. And that is the key to a life of humility. Pride is all about a facade to protect ourselves. Understanding grace removes me from the necessity of the facade and allows me to be real - the real me - warts and all. And it allows me to be OK with the journey I am on toward greater likeness to Jesus but knowing it will remain imperfect until I see Him.

I suspect that humility and grace are deeply intertwined and that understanding, living in and extending to ourselves God's grace is a key to the ability to live humbly. Humility is a nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude where we don't need pretense. It is an honest life. Honest about who we are, the gifts God has given us, the brokenness we have and the journey we are on. I am not sure that true humility is possible without a good understanding of God's grace.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Seven grace killers among God's people

A culture of grace is often missing among God's people. And it is a big disconnect for those of us who represent the King of Grace - Jesus. I am talking about the ability and willingness to give one another the benefit of the doubt, accept that others are not perfect and are in need of grace and extending it even as we desire it to be extended to us.  

Here are seven common grace killers:

Critical spirits and sharp comments. When we allow ourselves to have critical spirits toward others we set ourselves above them in our attitude and demeanor. When we make sharp comments we compound our error and in essence demean others. Even when it is necessary to have a difficult conversation one can speak graciously with truth and ever conscious of our own issues. All of us live under God's grace which He extends daily. To follow Him is to extend that same grace to others. 

Playing the role of the Holy Spirit in the lives of others. Needing to fix other people's issues is far more about us than it is about them. It is the job of the Holy Spirit to convict each of us about areas in our lives that need renovation. Sure there are times when we need to talk to others about issues in their lives but we ought to do it with great care. I have found that praying for others is often a far better approach than trying to fix others. God is perfectly capable of getting anyone's attention but He does it with amazing mercy and love.

Expecting others to live by our own convictions. Believers have a wide variety of convictions and practices that fall into the grey zone between what God commands and what He leaves to our conscience. Each of us makes lifestyle choices in those areas where God has not spoken clearly. When we are critical of those who make different choices than we do we are imposing legalism on them and moving from grace to control. We are also again playing the role of the Holy Spirit in their lives. 

This extends to our theology. There are many points of theology - beyond the pillars of what it means to be evangelical that Christians differ on. When I insist that others slice and dice their theology they way I do I am arrogantly suggesting that I have a corner on truth and they do not. What is it in me that does not allow others to come to their own conclusions on issues that are not clear in Scripture? One day we will all stand before God and realize how little we actually knew of Him. Yet we are unable to be flexible with the convictions and practices of others.

Gossip and talking to others about issues rather than to the one we have an issue with. This is a huge grace killer and ubiquitous among God's people. Gossip is no different than writing a critical email and copying it to the world. Its ripples continue on and is a way to lift ourselves up by demeaning others. At its heart it is pure judgement and is from the Evil One rather than the One who gives life (John 10:10). Untold harm is caused to reputations and relationships when we engage in this grace killing behavior.

Assuming ill motives on the part of others. This is a grace killer because we are usually wrong (the motives were not poor) but our assumption about motives (as if we can know the heart of another) causes us to think poorly of them. Grace says that I will not assume the motivation of others because I cannot know it unless they tell me. Giving others the benefit of the doubt is about grace. Only God knows the heart.

Holding on to bitterness and choosing not to forgive. Lack of forgiveness and bitterness is at the root of a great deal of relational dysfunction and critical spirits. It not only kills grace in the relationship but in our own spirits that are poisoned by our refusal to forgive and let go. We become a prisoner of our own bitterness and the poison of that bitterness spreads to others around us. It is our choice to forgive or not to forgive but it is God's command that we do.

Lack of empathy and understanding. It is easy to become impatient and critical of others because we don't understand what they are dealing with in their own lives and we have not taken the time to find out. All of us live with either public or private pain from time to time and our lack of empathy for the issues others struggle with often cause us to be impatient and critical. The truth is that if we had to walk in their shoes we would probably  be struggling with some of the same things.

The Fruit of the Spirit is all about grace in our relationships. The fruit of our lower nature is not about grace but about us. In every relationship we have the choice of extending and living out the Grace God extends to us or conversely, choosing the selfish route of judgement and critical spirits. 

I would sum up the attributes of grace this way:

• I will be slow to judge and criticize
• I will be patient and forbearing with others
• In my words and attitudes I will seek to encourage and lift up rather than discourage and tear down
• I will not judge motives
• I will forgive easily
• I will allow the Holy Spirit to convict others rather than playing that role myself
• I will be empathetic and understanding
• I will seek to display the Fruit of the Spirit in all of my relationships and interactions
• I will choose to assume the best
• I will refrain from gossip

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Looking forward by looking backward

Why the celebration every New Year's Eve? Is it not that we are celebrating the possibilities that every new year brings? As we celebrate, we also should consider the many mercies, blessings and moments of grace that God showered on us this year. 

Mercy is unmerited favor - what we don't deserve. Think of God's mercy in our lives this year. How many times this year did we need his forgiveness, his empowerment, his help or his intervention? Every day of the past year has exhibited God's mercy in our lives. As Jeremiah said, His mercies are new every morning.

Grace is God's favor and good will. Every day of our lives is a day of grace. When Paul asked God to remove his "thorn in the flesh," God replied, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). Those who have walked through tough times this year understand grace for sometimes the greatest gift we have is the grace to make it through another day. Yet, God always gives it. We live in the grace of God every day.

Blessings are all the ways that God provides for us. We cannot count the ways that God has blessed us in any given year but it is worth considering and recording some of them so that we do not forget. I was blessed this year with a fabulous staff, a wonderful job, great friends, God's provision for our needs, healing, my family, the publication of a new book and I could go on. They are all blessings from a gracious and generous God.

We can look forward to a year of possibilities because we can look back on a year of God's faithfulness. That is why it is always worth considering His goodness. Living with faith and thanksgiving is a product of remembering His amazing goodness in our lives. The more often we take stock of His grace, mercy and blessings in our lives the more we recognize them and live with the optimism that comes from living in His presence.

This is a good time to take stock in God's goodness. By looking backward we are able to look forward.

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

A great article on what it does and does not mean to lead with compassion

HOW TO LEAD WITH COMPASSION BUT NOT BE A PUSHOVER

When theology divides rather than Christ uniting

In His high priestly prayer of John 17, Jesus prayed for the same kind of unity between believers that He and the Father experienced. In fact he is very explicit: "I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one - I in them and you in me - so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them as you have loved me" (John 17:22-23).

In Ephesians 4:1-6, Paul makes the same plea: "As a prisoner for the Lord, then I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called: one Lord, one Faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all."

With this kind of priority on the unity of the body, why do we so often allow theology to divide us in the church? I am not talking about liberal vs. evangelical for there are hallmarks of orthodoxy that have been accepted since the early church. What I am talking about are both pastors and parishioners who finely parse doctrine, insist that their theological grid is the right one and in attitude, words and spirit marginalize those who don't agree with them. 

Do we not think Jesus knew that there would be differences among His people when He explicitly prayed that they would be one? Do we not betray His will and prayer when we in the words of Paul are not humble and gentle and patient and bear with our differences in love?

And among Christian leaders as well! How is John MacArthur living this desire by Jesus when he publicly declares war on all things he considers "charismatic?" By his broad definition he has declared war on me as well. Or those who have branded Rick Warren as a heretic. Can we not disagree with one another on theological issues within the broad tent of orthodoxy and still live with humble unity? When I see evangelicals doing battle with other evangelicals in a way that divides I conclude that their version of truth is more important to them than the wishes of Jesus! 

I have watched this play out in local congregations as well. The word and various interpretations become weapons wielded against one another, dividing rather than uniting. Often in working with troubled churches the correspondence between members or leaders is full of Scriptural references as if every point can be proven and position defended with a verse. These salvos that go back and forth are not really about the Bible but about pride and often a misuse of spiritual authority to keep someone in their place. And how do you respond when you are now arguing with God?

Within the broad evangelical tent we will have our theological differences and convictions. Within a local church we will as well. But when those differences become divisive we need to examine our hearts carefully for we have now stepped over a line from disagreement to disunity. Furthermore, Paul's admonition of humility is one we need to take seriously. How do I know that my theological position is absolutely right? Might my perspective be flawed as well? When dealing with the depths of God and the nuances of His character and plan for our world, no theological system can do Him justice. On some things we see through a glass darkly.

Jesus unites us in a common gospel which is good news for our world through a common Holy Spirit. Don't allow our theology to divide what God has united through His Spirit.

Signs that we live in grace

How do we measure our grace quotient? Here are some signs to consider:

• I am at peace with Jesus knowing that He forgave my sin and does so daily. I have nothing to prove to Him.
• I readily extend that grace to other hurting and broken people without judgment even when I need to speak truth into their lives.
• I am more interested in the Holy Spirit working in the lives of others than I am in trying to do so myself although I will always loving help if needed.
• I do all that I can to live at peace with others rather than in conflict.
• I extend grace to those who treat me badly even if I need to confront the behavior.
• I intentionally go out of my way to give honor and dignity to those who need it no matter their situation.
• I go out of my way to extend help and honor to "the least of these."
• I have no one that I have not forgiven for offenses committed against me or others even when that forgiveness is hard and is done as an act of obedience.
• I am willing to tell people the truth in grace knowing that ignoring issues is not grace.
• I daily seek to live out the fruit of the Spirit in my relationships with the help of the Holy Spirit
• I seek to understand the situation of others when I am irritated with them.
• I seek to live generously rather than selfishly.
• I look to the gospels and the life of Jesus to understand what it means to live in grace and extend it to others.
• I daily ask Jesus for the grace to live in grace.

The church is often a place of lies rather than a place of truth

No, I am not talking theology, especially in the evangelical world. I am talking about how we pretend we are "all together," the struggles we hide and the huge lack of transparency about our lives because it is not safe to tell the truth: That we are broken, struggling, hurting people, deeply in need of grace and deeply in need of the support of other believers if we could only tell them our need.

But in most churches, telling others our need can be dangerous. People talk, people can subtly condemn and in truth, being transparent is a threat to the system as most churches are not transparent. After all, as believers we must have our lives together.

We forget what drew people to Jesus: His indescribable grace and acceptance and love. That is also what draws people to us (if they are drawn to us) and should be the biggest magnet in the church. But that means we must major on God's grace and that those who walk through our doors will feel that grace no matter what their background or their struggles.

And this is what we cannot forget. I can know Jesus for many years and still desperately need His grace and forgiveness. The fact that I have known him does not exempt me from my need of Him. If we all understood that in the church it would be a far more transparent and grace filled place. 

Ironically, our struggles are common struggles so pretending they are not there is silly. It is also a lie. And it keeps us from supporting one another, praying for one another and doing what God does so well, extending grace to one another. 

What would it be like if our churches were the safest place on the face of the earth to be transparent rather than the most unsafe? What would it be like if rather than lying to one another (by not admitting the truth of our need) we were truthful with one another? I suspect we would be healthier people because through the grace and support of others many would get whole. And I suspect many would be drawn to us because they see in us a transparent honesty, grace and the truth that brings healing.

And it is healing that we all need.  

Grace can be irritating and inconvenient

We all love grace when we need it, and we need a lot of it. At the same time, there are times when we are called to extend grace in difficult circumstances where we would rather wash our hands of a mess that someone has created and be done with it. Certainly society can be very unforgiving – and the workplace the same.

Christian organizations and the church dance to the tune of a grace filled Lord which means that there are times when we are called to clean up messed up lives and give people a way toward greater health when they have made a mess of them. It is often not our first choice, it is often thankless work and we do it for one reason only: God extended grace to us and we are to extend grace to another.

It is easy to abandon people who find themselves in trouble of their own making. After all they created the mess, why should we help them get out of it. That line of thinking works until we realize that Jesus stepped into our mess when we didn’t deserve it. He did the hard thing of joining us in our mess and dying to redeem us and our mess. Not one person would be in relationship with God without Him doing the inconvenient and paying the ultimate cost.

This does not mean that grace is easy. It is not easy for those who extend it. And for those who need to receive it there must also be truth (Jesus was full of grace and truth). Truth requires those in trouble to take ownership of their sin and situation, be honest with themselves and others and do what they need to do to see inner healing and restitution where necessary.

In fact, part of the burden of grace extenders is that they also must help individuals who often don’t want to face the full burden of their mess to see what is true and confront what is in their hearts. These are hard conversations and there are many who fight the process, want to circumvent the full truth and simply move on. Grace extenders must be truth tellers and willing to go back and back and back if necessary and insist on transparency.

Not everyone responds to the combination of grace and truth but grace without truth is hollow and truth without grace is harsh. Only the one who needs grace can decide whether they will take it. We cannot force it. They must decide to embrace it – along with the path toward wholeness and restoration. To run from grace is foolish but to face the truth one must humble themself – a bridge too far for those whose pride is larger than their willingness to face truth.

Extending grace can be irritating (why did they do what they did?), inconvenient (Now I must deal with someone else’s mess), difficult (I must confront and hold another accountable) and time consuming (there is never a good time for a mess). But in the end it is far less than what Jesus did and does for us and that is the reason we extend the unmerited, undeserved favor of grace.

God never wastes anything in our biography. That is grace

I love the stories of Biblical characters because in them we find God’s grace in action. They are real, often gritty, have issues, failures and questions but God uses them in amazing ways. One such story is that of Moses, one of the towering figures in the Old Testament and one of the most ordinary of human beings to ever live. That his ordinariness could be used in extraordinary ways is all grace! The kind of grace that God extends to every one of us.

You remember the setting well. Pharaoh is fearful that the Israelites are becoming too numerous so he subjugates them to a life of slavery. In addition, he tells the midwives to kill all the male babies that are born to keep the population down. Their response is to claim that the babies are born before they can get there and refuse to carry out his order. So Moses is born, put in a reed basket and just happens to be found by Pharaoh’s daughter and just happens to become an adopted member of their family. The child born to be a slave is instead raised in a Palace.

Now that may sound like a good deal to us but it caused all kinds of issues for Moses. He knew who he actually was. He knew he did not deserve the palace. He knew he was now living in a family that was keeping his own people in subjugation. He knew that he should do something but didn't know what or how until one day when he was forty he took matters into his own hands, killed an Egyptian who was beating a Hebrew and had to run for his life.

Think about Moses situation. He had identity issues. He had anger issues. He was a felon on the run from the law. His life should have been one of slavery but it was the palace instead. Now he has lost everything and is a homeless guy. He had a deep sense of righteousness and justice but it all went wrong. If there was Prozac back in the day, Moses would have been on it. If there was anger management class back in the day Moses would be in it. This was not how life was meant to turn out.

Have you ever felt that way? Life didn't turn out the way it was supposed to? Life isn't fair? Did you ever think when you were young that you would still be struggling with the stuff you struggle with today? I thought when I grew up, that stuff would be gone but like Moses, we still carry a lot of issues around. Like him, we are profoundly human and profoundly flawed by sin. Like him our desire for justice and righteousness is often disappointed.  We know we are on God’s side of many issues but we still end up with the short straw like Moses did. And like him we wonder why.

Moses had every right to wonder where God was in this equation, just as we do. What he could not see and what we often don’t see is that God is not limited by our failures, sin or situation. In fact, he is the only one who can take every failure, setback, and situation and redeem it for his purposes. That is grace. That is God.

Life is not the series of random events that it often seems to be. In each of our lives there is an unseen hand that is weaving a tapestry that on the back side which we see is jumbled and messy and hard to figure out but on the front side which we will see in eternity is beautiful and exquisitely woven, the colors perfect, the lines impeccable. We see the back side in all of its chaos but God sees the front in all of its beauty. That was what God was doing in Moses’s life and that is what he is doing in our lives.

Think about Moses biography: It was the very biography that would enable him to carry out his greatest assignment, the deliverance of his people from Egypt. His palace experience gave him insight into how to deal with the Pharaoh. His experience with injustice gave him empathy for his people. His failures made him rely on God rather than on himself.  In every way, his biography became the foundation for what God eventually called him to do.

What Moses did not realize was that God was going to take his whole biography, his birth that should have been death, his palace experience and training, his sense of injustice at the Egyptians and even his profound sense of inadequacy and use it for his purposes to bring the people out of Egypt.

Consider your journey and your biography. I am sure it did not go as you thought. I am sure that like me you have regrets. I am sure we have all experienced pain. But remember this. It is the grace of God that none of our biography is ever wasted. God takes it all and redeems it all for his purposes. That is grace. That is our God.

A homeless man, street walker, con guy and Mary Ann's former students

Thirty three years ago November was the first Thanksgiving that Mary Ann and I celebrated as a married couple. We had almost no furniture (although a bunch of books) and a little apartment that we paid $90 dollars a month rent for. We wanted to so something special so a few days before Thanksgiving we went down to Micky's Diner, a fixture in downtown St. Paul and told the waitress that we would be there at noon on Thanksgiving and would take anyone who showed up to our house for a Thanksgiving feast.

We will never forget that dinner. First, it was amazing how much these folks ate! Then there was the transparency about their lives. One of the woman was a streetwalker, another guy lived in a building basement downtown where he would warm his food on a radiator. One guy was obviously casing our house and the others warned us about him (there was nothing to take and I didn't think he would want our books). When we had a short devotional after dinner, the tears rolled down faces as they sang songs they remembered from church as kids.

And then there was the con-man. His mother was in critical condition in Duluth, Minnesota and he had no money to get there. So I offered to buy him a Greyhound ticket. Thinking I was pretty smart, I took him to the station, bought the ticket and decided to wait till he got on the bus (If I was getting conned, he was at least going to Duluth). But I made the mistake of giving him the ticket and when I turned around he was gone! Oh well.

We will never forget that dinner. Or the individuals who joined us. Or the stories they told us. Or the sad circumstances that led to their situations.

Fast forward. Until a few years ago my wife worked as a school nurse in a middle class suburb of St. Paul with a student population of over 2,000 students. Every day she would come home with another story of kids in pain. Unplanned pregnancies, kids who had not eaten in days because their parents were on meth and all the money had gone to feed the addiction, kids who were shuttled from parent to parent, relative to relative, no one wanting them. Kids who were abused. No soap opera can compete with the stories Mary Ann heard.

Once Mary Ann threw a birthday party for a sixteen year old girl. She didn't know what to do. She had never had a birthday party in her life!

The kids called her their second mom! She always had food in her office for kids that were hungry. She would always listen and always tell them the truth. She loved them unconditionally and they know she was in their corner. She took parents to court to resolve issues and negotiated numerous "special plans" to help kids graduate. They loved their second mom!

Here is my point. We do not need to go to Mickey's diner to find hurting people. They are in our neighborhoods, our schools and our communities. Pain has no boundaries except those we erect because we "wall ourselves off" from the realities of our world, feeling much more comfortable in our Christian ghetto - commonly called the church!

Now that I think about it, the homeless guy, streetwalker, con-man and Mary Ann's hurting students sound like the folks Jesus intentionally went out of his way to meet and love. If we open our eyes, they are all around us, hopeless, hurting, alone, sad, and not knowing that there is One who loves them. When we choose to love the hurting - and the unlovable - they experience Christ's love. Messy work that will never leave us unchanged. That is the cool part. When we share the love of Jesus in tangible ways we become changed, we become a little bit more like Jesus. How cool.

Remember it was the pharisees who didn't want to engage the "sinners" of the world. Jesus engaged them all the time. He was hard on the pharisees because they were hypocrites. He was never hard on sinners, wooing them with his love, acceptance, grace and mercy. How are we doing? How is our church doing?

This is how Isaiah put it:
"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter -
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard."

Don't resaw the sawdust

How many of us live with high levels of regret: issues from the past that continue to haunt our minds, our hearts and our conscience! Yet we know intellectually that God has taken care of all that has been forgiven and sin which we have forsaken. But our intellectual knowledge often does not match our heart acceptance.

The regrets of life are like sawdust and you cannot resaw sawdust. It is dust that has already been sawn and now is good for nothing but to be swept up and left in the sawdust bin.

God's grace covers all of our sin and all of us have plenty of sin to cover, and his grace is always greater than the amount or severity of our sin. He has made sawdust of that sin removing it from us as far as the east is from the west.

The evil one wants us to continue in our guilt and shame. Both which have been lifted and paid for. Don't let him.

The next time you think of those regrets, remind yourself, "You cannot resaw sawdust." God shredded it, leave it in the bin. It is a simple reminder that can free us from what God has already paid the price for.

Attitudes of grace

There are few more important themes in Scripture than that of grace. One of the hallmarks of Christ is that He was full of "grace and truth" (John 1:17). The gospel is all about the grace of God applied to our lives, His unmerited favor given freely to us not only in salvation but on a daily basis!

As one reads the gospels, one sees Christ interacting with graciousness with all, with the exception of the Pharisees who were hypocrites. There was always truth in His conversations but it was a gracious truth.

Organizational leaders set an example and monitor the culture of the organization or team that they lead. In the Christian world, one of the hallmarks of our ethos should be a graciousness in our interactions with one another.

There are many attitudes that do not exude grace: gossip, cynicism, mistrust, assuming the worst rather than the best, anger, and impatience. These are often encountered but they do not reflect the character and attitudes of grace. In fact, they are the opposite of grace: ungracious judgement of others.

This does not mean that we cannot address questions, issues or press into dialogue on difficult subjects. Just the opposite should be true and Jesus certainly did not dodge the difficult conversations or issues. What it does mean is that as we interact with one another, the grace that Jesus gave to us ought to be evident in our interactions with one another. His grace to us ought to be our grace to one another. To not show grace to one another is to deny God's grace to us.

Grace and truth is a powerful combination that creates a unique and God honoring ethos in any organization. Leaders model it and call others to it.

Brokenness transformed by grace

Failure has many benefits. Once I have failed I no longer need to worry about failing (been there done that). I no longer need to worry about my pride getting hurt – I've been there. I don’t need to keep up the pretense of success – I blew that record. And, I can identify with 99% of the world who has also experienced failure at one time or another.


Our world celebrates success and denigrates failure (unless you are a Hollywood celebrity and fail spectacularly in which case you are now a smashing success in some twist of logic). But the truth is that the most valuable lessons we learn are through failure, not success and our transparency about our failures and pain is perhaps far more important than people learning of our successes. In failure the best lessons are learned, the best faith is forged and the best transformation takes place. So, why would we hide our failures rather than share what God has done in us through them?

Our willingness to share our whole story where appropriate becomes a powerful encouragement to others who are often struggling with the same issues or believe that because they have “failed” God cannot use them. The fact is that many things we view as failures are not really failures at all but are so only in our own minds. Older leaders would do younger leaders a great favor if they would share their own stories more transparently. Often young leaders view their elders as having sailed through life with a minimum of pain and failure. Usually just the opposite is true.

My perspective on hard times is very different today than it was when I was a young leader. I understand success and failure differently, have the perspective of time to see how God used pain for my benefit, and have seen His faithfulness in what looked like impossible situations. Not only did I not know all of those things as a young leader going through hard times but the advice I received then was not very helpful: God will work it all out! God did, but not in the way well intentioned people meant their advice. One of the realities is that some things don’t get worked out this side of heaven – no matter how hard one prays or how hard one tries.

God does not always fix broken situations. But He is always faithful in the process when we choose to press into Him in those broken situations. Faith is not believing that God intervenes in all situations but that He is faithful to us in the middle of brokenness. I wish I had that understanding as a young leader. I willing share my experiences today to encourage the next generation of leaders who are walking through their own broken places.

Success is not living without pain or tough times. Nor is it necessarily seeing spectacular ministry results – often it will not from our point of view. Success is faithfully living at the intersection of God’s gifting and His calling on our lives wherever that should be. Deep influence is not dependent on achieving success or acclaim by our peer’s standards but by cultivating the hidden practices we have been studying which mold a strong, deep, core of spiritual strength and resolve that influence all that we do and everything that we are.

All of us have paid our share of “dumb tax” – things that we would not do again and lessons learned the hard way. Our willingness to share our dumb tax with others can save them the pain of learning it themselves. I often ask leaders that question for my own benefit and encourage leaders to regularly share dumb tax with one another.

I am always amazed at the response from young and old leaders alike when I speak on pain, suffering and brokenness from a Biblical and personal perspective. I have had more than my share of these times including debilitating physical illness. People thank me over and over for sharing transparently. They are hungry for a perspective on their own situations and struggles and are encouraged that they are not alone.

We underestimate the place of sharing our experiences candidly along with God’s grace in the process. Each of us who is faithful is simply one more in the line of the heroes named in Hebrews 11 who lived by faith even when the chips were down. There is power in stories of brokenness transformed by grace!