Learning to understand those we work with

There are few skills more important than that of learning how to understand those who we work with. It was Barnabas who watched and understood Paul after his conversion when others were deeply fearful of him. It was also Barnabas who understood John Mark when Paul wrote him off as a a failure: He got it right when Paul got it wrong.

Paul grew in this area and was a good read of Timothy and Titus, two men who he took under his wing to mentor. First and Second Timothy are full of insight into Timothy's wiring, propensities, strengths and weaknesses with specific wisdom and insight brought to bear by Paul. Paul had learned to do what Barnabas did instinctively, exegete people.

Everyone has fears, insecurities, strengths, unique wiring and blind spots that impact who they are, how they relate and how they are perceived. Good leaders learn how to exegete and understand those they lead and work with because it allows them to speak into their lives in a way that would otherwise be impossible.

This is a skill that can be learned. Often young leaders, like Paul, are too busy with their missional agenda to understand those around them. Hopefully, like Paul, they also learn the importance of exegeting people and opportunities along with the text.

Several simple suggestions for those who want to grow in their ability to exegete colleagues and staff. First, spend time in dialogue with them. It is in dialogue and probing that one best understands where another individual is coming from, what drives them and their framework of thinking and understanding. This is what Barnabas did with Paul in the early days. When others were afraid of him and therefore shunned him, Barnabas took him aside and talked with him - encouraged him and discipled him.

Second, watch, listen and observe words and actions. It is amazing what one can learn by simply being a good observer of words and actions. This is important in understanding those who report to you, those who are your colleagues or those above you. They more you understand how people think, how they react and how they make decisions the better you can influence their thinking and work productively with them.

Third, take time to mull and think about why a staff member reacts or acts the way they do. Just as insight into texts come to those who preach and teach as they mull the text so insight into people comes if we will take the time to mull them. People are complex and the better we understand their complexity the better we will understand who they are and what informs their actions.

Those who become exegetes of those around them find themselves with much better relationships than those who don't. In fact, those who don't build this skill often end up with shallow relationships because they never took the time to understand their colleagues. In the end it can short circuit one's leadership effectiveness.

See this important prayer update from Open Doors. Christian leaders in North Korea are asking for prayer amid war preparations

OPEN DOORS USA

Jerry Dykstra

Media Relations Director

Phone: 616-915-4117

Email: jerryd@odusa.org

Website: www.OpenDoorsUSA.org

North Korean Church Leaders Ask for Prayer

Amid War Preparations

Underground Christians Report Ratcheting Up of Combat Readiness

SANTA ANA, Calif. (April 4, 2013) – North Korean church leaders are asking Christians worldwide to pray for their country amid increased war threats and combat preparation by North Korean military officials.

Prayer for beleaguered believers in North Korea is more important than ever, says Open Doors, an organization that supports persecuted Christians in 60 countries.

According to underground Christians, there is a war-like atmosphere in the country:

“We are to meet the decisive battle with a gun in one hand and a hammer in the other,” summarized a Christian leader about the message the North Korean people recently received from the “high command.”

“The military army, navy, air force troops, strategic rocket troops, the red guards and the red youth guards are already in combat mode. Urgent meetings are being held everywhere, regardless if it is day or night. At those meetings, officials make decisions on what needs to happen in case war breaks out and everyone, including women, needs to be combat ready.”

According to Open Doors sources, many cars on the roads are covered with camouflage nets. Also, soldiers are wearing hats with camouflage dried branches and carry guns. North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un released a statement to his people, saying that “If war breaks out because of the actions of the U.S. and puppet South Korean’s unpardonable behavior, they will end up with a disgraceful downfall, and our people will greet a brilliant new day of reunification. The day has come to show off the power of ‘Military First’ and our great nation to the whole world.”

However, Christians and other citizens fear war and its consequences.

“Many people are in a hurry to purchase emergency food supplies and daily goods just in case. The prices of goods, including food, are skyrocketing,” tells one believer in North Korea.

North Korean Christians are grateful for their fellow believers in the West and request their urgent prayers.

“I would like to thank the many brothers and sisters around the world for their continuous love and support,” says the Christian believer. “We know that our journey will not be an easy one, but we are sure that our faith, desperate hope and passionate desire will some day bear many fruit. No matter how difficult life is for us, we never blame or complain about our circumstances. God has promised us in the Bible that if we seek His Kingdom first, all other things will be given to us as well. Please pray for us.”

Jerry Dykstra, a spokesman for Open Doors USA, adds: “Beneath the surface of the all the rhetoric of war and the possible launch of nuclear missiles are the suffering and persecution of the estimated 200,000 to 400,000 Christians in North Korea. Also, an estimated 60,000 to 80,000 Christians are in harsh political prison camps. The government has been the No. 1 persecutor of Christians for 11 years in a row, according to the Open Doors 2013 World Watch List (www.worldwatchlist.us).

“We must respond now to the Christian leaders’ request to pray for them. Pray for Kim Jong-Un; that God will work in his heart and he will pursue peace and not war. Pray for wisdom for leaders in the United States, South Korea and China. Pray for Christians who are put in even more danger due to war preparations. Pray families will find food to feed their families. Finally, pray that no matter what happens Christians will remain strong in their faith.”

For almost 60 years Open Doors has worked in the world's most oppressive and restrictive countries, strengthening Christians to stand strong in the face of persecution and equipping them to shine Christ's light in these places. Open Doors empowers persecuted Christians by supplying Bibles and Christian literature, training Christian leaders, facilitating social/economic projects and uniting believers in the West in prayer for Christians, who are the most persecuted religious group in the world and are oppressed in at least 60 countries. To partner with Open Doors USA, call toll free at 888-5-BIBLE-5 (888-524-2535) or go to our website at www.OpenDoorsUSA.org.

(For more information or to set up an interview, contact Open Doors USA Media Relations Director Jerry Dykstra at 616-915-4117 or email JerryD@odusa.org.)

Photo: North Korean soldiers guard the border between North and South Korea.

Supervising people with low EQ

Healthy EQ is one of the most important factors in healthy staff, teams and interactions with others in a ministry setting (or otherwise). What does one do when a staff member has poor EQ which inevitably makes supervision more difficult and other relationships problematic?

First, admit the issue exists and needs to be resolved. This may seem  like common sense but the reality is that in the name of Christian "nice" and "grace" we often overlook real issues that have real consequences to people around those whose EQ is problematic. Don't ignore it! It does them no favors, nor those who are impacted by the EQ issues.

Second, have the courage to sit down with offenders and be absolutely honest with them as to how their behaviors are negatively impacting others. This requires a supervisor to be completely candid and honest (nuances are not a specialty of those with EQ issues) and  be clear about how they are impacting others. To be sure they are hearing you, ask them to reflect back to you what they are hearing. Don't sugar coat the issues: they are real and they are impacting others around them.

Third, be clear as to what is acceptable in your organization and what is not. Some behaviors are not acceptable, allowed, or OK because of their negative impact. They need to know this. Provide coaching to them on alternative ways of dealing with situations where they are likely to get themselves into trouble. What they need to hear is your resolve that the issues need to be addressed.

Fourth, if necessary, get a low EQ staff member professional help - coaching or psychological help. In my experience, about half of those who have serious issues can be helped and the other half cannot be because of their own emotional defenses. If necessary, place them on a documented improvement plan to force the issue. 

Fifth, if you cannot help them and if their behaviors are negatively impacting others, either find a role where their presence is not as problematic because they are isolated or be willing to help transition them out of the organization. Remember that it is not just you as a supervisor that pays the price of their issues but those around them who are impacted. The leader and the organization actually lose points with staff when they don't deal with those staff members who negatively impact others.

The bottom line is that you cannot ignore EQ issues. 

Minding the gap between truth we believe and how we live

Paul speaks often of "authentic" or "sincere" faith. Why does he use these adjectives in describing our faith? He does so because there is often a significant gap between what we say we believe and how we actually live.

Those who have traveled much have met a British woman who seems to have something of a monopoly in speaking to us on public subways. Perhaps the most often heard reminder from this woman as train doors open is "Please mind the gap." The gap is the space between the train floor and the station floor.

Paul is encouraging us to mind the gap between what we profess to believe and how we actually live in speaking of authentic faith. I believe that closing that gap is one of the ongoing disciplines and challenges of following Jesus. The smaller the gap, the more authentic our faith is. The larger the gap, the less authentic our faith.

Paul's advice to his protege, Timothy, was to "Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely" (1 Timothy 4:15-16). Our life and our doctrine are integrally connected. Fine doctrine means nothing when it is not connected to a life that lives that doctrine out.

Large segments of evangelicalism have substituted knowledge of God for life with God where our life practices mirror our theological understanding. To the extent that what we know or believe to be true does not match our daily lives there is a gap and it is this gap that must be minded. It is then that our lives actually mirror Jesus and lives that mirror Jesus draw people to Him. 

This is not about legalism. It is about authentic living where we live with Jesus and bring our practices and thinking into conformity with His practices and thinking. The practical question that deserves thoughtful consideration is "where is there a gap between the life and practices of Jesus and what we are taught in Scripture with my own life?" And what am I actively doing through the power of the Holy Spirit to mind the gap?

Perseverance when times are hard

Discouragement is one of the prices of ministry leadership. Coupled with fatigue it is even deadlier. It is Jonah sitting under a tree wanting to die, Elijah the same having escaped from Ahab or David hiding out in a cave from Saul. It is Timothy taking shots because he was young. It is the grind of ministry with the demands of people situations, arrows that come, conflicts to be mediated that place us in seasons of tiredness. This is equally true for vocational or lay ministry leaders.

There are times in life when our primary assignment from God is simply to persevere - to gut it out in the face of discouragement, adversity, illness, or issues of life that leave us tired, used up and emotionally and physically drained. The very act of perseverance can be a huge act of obedience in those tough times. Sometimes perseverance in the face of adversity is the one thing we must concentrate on above all others.

When we choose to throw in the towel – many do, the evil one wins. If we get angry – it is easy – the evil one wins. If we ignore it, we do so at our own peril. If we go into self pity, we surrender to others or our situation.

One thing I have learned is that one should never walk through times of adversity and discouragement alone. Our perspective and judgment is impaired by the circumstances and fatigue we face. This is when we need our most trusted friends and confidants who will speak truth to us and provide us with perspective we don’t have at the moment.

The second thing I have learned is the absolute necessity of rest – whether we think we have the time for it or not. Lack of rest leaves us dangerously low on reserves that we desperately need. Fatigue over a long period is dangerous.

Finally, this is the time to really press into God. Not necessarily looking for justice or resolution but looking for His presence to minister to us personally. To be with us. To experience His love and grace and mercy in the midst of our pain. Too often our pressing in is for resolution and justice when what we really need at the moment most is Him: to be still and know that He is God.

Discouragement and fatigue are seasons of ministry. All of us face those seasons, not all make it through. To make it through one needs a strategy: key people, rest and seeking the person of God for no other reason than we need Him. Remember there always comes a new dawn with new promise. As Jeremiah reminds us as he stood in the rubble of Jerusalem, His mercies are new every morning. Great is his faithfulness. That is true in hard times and good!

Holy Discontent in the church

As I travel and talk to folks in congregations across the United States (and other countries) I am sensing a growing holy discontent with business as usual in the church. The discontent is not coming primarily from pastors and staff but from congregants. There are several themes that I am hearing.

"My pastor is not unpacking the Word of God and often substitutes self help preaching to God's word and its impact on my life." We who are in ministry don't like to hear this but it is a significant issue among those we minister to. I can read any number of thousands of self help books on the market today but our souls long for the living word of the living God that has "the power to penetrate even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart" (Hebrews 4:12).

There are many parched hearts and souls among our people who long for a better understanding of what God has and wants for them. If those of us in ministry doubt that all we need to do is to ask.

"I am relegated to the B team of ministry because I don't have formal theological education." Those of us in ministry have severely underestimated the pain among many of our leaders, women, and gifted folks in the church who are not empowered for real ministry. This is a direct violation of the responsibilities of church leaders to unleash their people in meaningful ministry (Ephesians 4:12). 

I am constantly amazed and saddened when qualified leaders are marginalized, not listened to or even sidelined because of the agendas of paid staff. There are churches who release exceedingly well but there are equally many who do not. Too many pastors are threatened by strong lay leaders.

We will never impact our communities until we help all of our people understand that they are on God's A team (He has only one team) and that they are the called ones in their community, neighborhood, workplace and circle of influence. In the early church it was the new converts who were God's workers and staff. In the majority world it is the same today. They cannot afford to hire staff to do it for them or staff that have formal degrees. We need to train, equip and deploy (Ephesians 4:12) so that all are engaged in the good works (Ephesians 2:10) that God created them for.

We have so professionalized ministry and equated ministry qualifications with education and degrees that we have lost the concept of raising up ministry leaders from within our own churches. Perhaps those of us who have the degrees are guilty of guarding our status in ministry but not allowing others in easily. After all, we are qualified, we have the education and we have the degree.

"I am tired of ministry without the power of the Holy Spirit. I long for the day when His spirit is alive and well in our midst and not just a theoretical entity." I hear this theme over and over. Truth without power is not alive. In the New Testament Paul often ties the word and power together, it is not one or the other or one without the other. While many people cannot put their finger on it, they know something is missing that they need for living out the Christian life in their own lives. I am watching groups of ordinary people start prayer ministries in their congregations and among people from other congregations who are also looking for greater power and presence of the Holy Spirit.

I would not just call this discontent but a holy discontent. It is discontent that God's spirit is raising up to create a healthier church and a more biblical church. Those of us in ministry need to hear, listen and consider the holy discontent that is emerging in the church today.

An interesting article on seminaries in America and the professionalization of ministry

In light of a recent blog, "What I didn't learn in Seminary and why it matters," and other blogs on the professionalization of ministry where we hire people to do ministry rather than release the congregation into ministry I found this article (Are Seminaries Putting Their Blue Days Behind Them) to be very interesting.

To be clear, I believe in the necessity of good theological training. Theologically, I received one of the best. However, unless American seminaries can find cheaper and more user friendly alternatives to the traditional three to four year model of full time residential training at the cost of much debt and outside of the day to day ministry environment, I believe that they will continue to face the issue of relevancy and that students (and the church) will find alternative methods of training pastors. They must also pay attention to a ministry environment in the church that has changed drastically in the past 50 years!

The current and future economy will also force another issue. Can we afford to hire professionals do do ministry for us or do we need to relearn the theological truth that those in full time ministry are tasked with equipping the congregation to do real ministry? I fear that the mandate of Ephesians 4:11-12 has largely been lost in the American church today. How many of our full time staff spend the majority of their time doing ministry for others rather than equipping people to do ministry and releasing them into meaningful ministry?

Unfortunately, one of the consequences of both specialized training for ministry along with the professionalization of ministry has created an A and B team mentality that raises the profile of those with the education and lowers the mentality of those who do not. I believe there is widespread belief in the pew that "I am not qualified to do real ministry." We often reinforce that view when we don't fully utilize the very gifts God gave each one to join Him in His work - Ephesians 2:10.

In addition, we often redefine ministry as what happens inside the church - supporting all of our programming rather than thinking outside the church where most of us spend the majority of our lives, impacting our circles and relationships. This is one reason that many churches have influence that extends to the limits of their parking lot rather than beyond. One large evangelical church staff member told me recently that in their congregation of 1,000+, he could only count 13 local conversions in the past year.

A lesson we could learn on all of these counts is from the majority world where formal theological education and the hiring of staff is not an option. Why cannot we deliver informal (or formal) theological education in more creative, less expensive ways as we must do there? And in terms of staffing, it is largely volunteer since they cannot afford to hire full time staff. Are there alternate models that we need to look at? Not an either or but a both and?

Time outs in life are far more strategic than we think!

All of us get them from time to time: Life Time Outs where because of some circumstance, usually not of our making we feel like our lives have been interrupted and that we are even side-lined for a time. I have had a number of them in my 57 years from life threatening illnesses to career interruptions, family circumstances and the like. None of them have been fun or requested but all of them have been deeply valuable.

One of the significant barriers to personal growth is that we get into comfortable habits and routines that we become stale in our personal, spiritual and professional lives without even knowing it - Like the proverbial frog in the kettle.

It is the interruptions in our lives that force us to take stock, rethink and evaluate where we are and where we are going. It is one of those hidden gifts of life that we don't ask for, don't appreciate in the moment but which in retrospect we thank God for. 

I have had interruptions that brought with them career changes that were from God, personal growth that would not have come any other way, and in fact every significant growth spot in my life can be traced back to an interruption. They are strategic to our growth and development so when they happen, take advantage of them and ask God what He has in mind through them. He always does!

Are you good enough?

How many of us live with a deep sense of unworthiness afraid that if people knew the real us we would not be loved? I have been there. How many of us have spent our lives trying to please God so that we are worthy of Him? I have been there too. How many of us have felt deep down inside, I am not good enough? I have lived there as well. 

If there is any message in the Easter story it is that God, through the death and resurrection of Jesus has taken unworthy, broken, sinful, undone people and made us worthy and good in His sight by being broken for us. 

Because of His death I no longer need to live with a sense of unworthiness. In fact He paid the ultimate sacrifice for me! When I was unworthy He died for me so that I could be made worthy.

Because of His death I no longer need to try to earn God's favor. Rather He gave me His favor as a free gift (Ephesians 2:8). Since I already have it, it is futile to try to earn it. How can one earn what they already have?

Because of His death, I don't need to be good enough! He took all my not good enough and nailed it to the cross and made me His family and His possession, and gave me a piece of Himself - the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1). My not good enough has been replaced by His making me perfect in His sight - through His blood.

Easter is a reminder that because of His sacrifice, and if we have invited Him into our lives that we are worthy, that we can give up trying to earn His favor and that He has made us holy and family and clean. 

Because of Easter I no longer need to live with shame, fear or pretense. My brokenness, shame, fear, unworthiness have been replaced by wholeness and worthiness - through Him. Now if I could only remember that every day!

When life hangs between despair and hope

What do you think it was like the day after the crucifixion of Christ? Did Pilot wake up with a guilty conscience and wonder if he had done the right thing? Did the guards who had mocked Jesus and then seen Him on the cross, wonder if an innocent man had died? Did the crowds who had called for His life keep an embarrassed silence in a quiet Jerusalem? Someone was nervous for they asked the Roman garrison to post guards at His tomb. On the day after, Jesus' friends mourned, the Romans were nervous and some who had watched the execution were sure He was the Son of God.

It had to be like a day like no other in Jerusalem. It had to be a day of quiet and consideration. It had to be a day of sober doubt after a day of impetuous action. I'll bet there were many disturbed consciences that day. The day between death and resurrection. A day of uncertainty and guilt. A day of hopelessness and sadness. 

We have days like that! I have experienced whole periods of life that hang between hope and despair. Uncertainty reigns. Sadness is prevalent, maybe dominant. It is the time in between life as it was and life as it will be - but not yet knowing what will be. It is the dark night of the soul with all the questions, uncertainties and unknowns.

It is the day between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. It is real and it hurts and all of us experience it just as the disciples did, only in different ways. But there is another day coming...we know and we look forward to that day of hope. Always remember in the day of despair. The morning comes, and it comes with hope and resurrection power and salvation. In the in-between times, we need the words of Habakkuk, "Be still and know that I am God." Easter comes and so does Hope. 

A lesson of Good Friday

One of the lessons of Good Friday is that what appears to be true is not always true. On this day the cosmic battle between Satan and God culminated in what Satan thought was his greatest victory. That battle had been waged from the time of the fall (Genesis 3:15) where God made it clear that one day Satan would be defeated. But on this day, Satan knew he had won. The Son of God is on the cross, alone, abandoned even by His Father who didn't seem able to rescue Him. Thirty pieces of silver was all it had taken, the best deal ever in the history of evil.

The disciples knew it was over. Jesus' friends knew it was over. The Jewish authorities knew it was over - their problem solved, a rival gone. Not only that but for those who cared, evil had won over good and righteousness. For the followers of Christ, this was the ultimate sadness. They had expected righteousness to triumph and instead, evil had prevailed. The one who had called Himself the Son of God, dead on a bitter cross. 

Little did they know that what appeared to be the final chapter was only the beginning of a new chapter because out of the jaws of apparent defeat, Christ would not only be resurrected but in that resurrection he sealed the fate of Satan and evil and unrighteousness for all time and made it possible for the created to have a relationship with the creator.Apparent defeat was only the prelude to total victory! 

Not for one moment had the events of Good Friday been out of the control of the heavenly Father even though it looked like the Father had lost all control. He is sovereign and nothing under His control can ever be out of control. The world learned that on Easter Sunday.

Think about your own life for a moment. Where are the areas that seem to be out of control? Where does it feel like evil has won? Where are the apparent areas where you feel defeat, discouragement, sadness or pain? It is easy to see the Good Friday moments in our lives when it is clear that God has not acted and we need His help. It is harder to wait for the resurrection moments when God shows up as He always does and redeems what we thought was unredeemable - often in surprising and unique ways.

Whatever your circumstance you can be sure that Easter is coming and that things are not always what they appear to be. In the end, nothing that is in His control can ever be out of control and God alwaysprevails. Our job is to walk by faith in the Good Friday moments of life when life is hard and hope is scarce, waiting for our Easter to arrive when He shows up and redeems our situation. The fun thing about Easter was that it was such a surprise. Invite Jesus to surprise you in your situation today.

Joining God in His work

I remember the day my then four year old son was waxing eloquently to me about how important his mother's work was because she was a nurse who saved people's lives. So after listening I asked, "Jon, what do I do?" "Oh" he said, you are just and ordinary worker!"

It was a funny moment. But it reminded me that many people feel that about themselves. That they are just ordinary workers and that their contribution to God's work does not really matter. They don't have seminary training, serve behind the scenes, are not up front and really don't have much to contribute of substance.

It is not true! It is false! It is a lie of the evil one who wants us and those in our churches to believe it! Unfortunately many do and the rest of us are not doing enough to communicate a different truth.

Here is the different truth! "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10)."

The word workmanship means a one of a kind work of art. Every one of God's children is a one of a kind creation, uniquely created for a unique work (good works) prepared by God in advance for them.

I like the terminology of "good works." God is not asking us do something spectacular. He is asking us to use the wiring and gifting that he gave us in "good works" among those we have influence and in the corners of the world that we live, work, and play.

He wants us to know that he gave us the ability to do good works for Him wherever we find ourselves and we do that as we simply use the gifting and wiring he gave us (each one unique) with the people and situations we find ourselves with. It is not complicated but it is very, very powerful.

Think of the power if everyone who called your church their church home believed that God had given them the opportunity to do good works on His behalf in their workplace, neighborhood or among those with whom they have influence. Acts of kindness done in Jesus' name. Decisions of righteousness done in Jesus' name. People befriended in Jesus' name. The sick visited in Jesus' name. The gift of encouragement in Jesus' name. An offer of prayer in Jesus' name.

To often we send the message that "ministry" is what happens at church. No, God wants each of us to live out our faith in ways that only we uniquely can do in places that only we can uniquely influence. It is as simple as good works done in Jesus' name in line with how God uniquely wired me and the places in which He gives me influence and presence.

Good works - in Jesus' name. So simple and so powerful because when we live out our calling in our places the Holy Spirit penetrates those places and peoples lives are changed.

Learning to have probing conversations

Learning how to have probing conversations with others is a great skill for those who desire to have influence. This not an intrusive conversation but one that helps people come to clarity about something in their lives. Nor is it a prescriptive conversation but one that helps another come to understand themselves and their situation with greater clarity so that they can move in appropriate ways.

This is a skill that can be learned - I had to learn it. I am by nature inquisitive and a learner but in years past I did that analysis largely in my own brain: Quietly and systematically. That worked well when it was something I needed to figure out in my life but it didn't do as well in solving organizational problems where the intellectual capital of others is so valuable, nor in helping others come to clarity on issues they are facing.

A probing conversation is one of questions, reflecting back what you are hearing for clarity and unpeeling a situation like one would an onion, one thin layer at a time. It is not done in a hurry but in a relaxed setting designed for reflection.

It's questions are many:
"Tell me more about that."
"Why did you take that course of action?"
"What did you learn through that situation?"
"What drives you?"
"What does a good day look like for you?" "A bad day?"
"What in life gives you the greatest sense of purpose and satisfaction?"
"Why?"
"Tell me about your strengths and their shadow side."
"Tell me about your family of origin and how it has shaped you."

Probing conversations are full of thoughtful questions, careful listening, clarifying what one has heard, the silence of thinking and drilling down in order to help someone else understand themselves better. It is a key tool for leaders, supervisors or just friends who want to help another think deeply about their lives.

Perhaps the most important question we could ask ourselves and others is why? Why do I say yes to so many things? Why don't I delegate more? Why does so and so push all my buttons? Why am I defensive about certain things? The why question is so powerful first because it helps us understand our motives behind our actions and second, often reveals weaknesses in our practices or habits. It is powerful precisely because it makes us question the status quo and prevents us from thinking better and differently and more freshly.

Thus we can have equally probing conversations with ourselves and the wise among us do it all the time. It is in self-examination that we  better understand ourselves, especially as we allow the Holy Spirit to illuminate the recesses of our hearts, minds, emotions and motives. 

Our world is filled with surface conversation and too little deep conversation that helps us and others live with greater self-awareness. Every one of us can work to change that by asking the right questions at the right time, of ourselves and others.

The Death of believers

In recent months I have seen a number of loved ones die as well as watched other friends struggle with what could be terminal illnesses. Even when death comes at an old age it is a sad thing. There will be no more conversations, shared memories or friendship, for spouses left behind loneliness becomes an enemy: a friend is gone and there is no denying the grief.

This is perhaps doubly so because we know that physical death only entered the world because of sin, along with illness, decay, and all the other suffering and sorrows experienced in this life. Every funeral is a reminder of Adam's sin and our own and its consequences. 

Yet every funeral for a believer who has gone home to be with Jesus is a reminder of something else: We were made by Him, in His Image, to enjoy unending and unfractured relationship with Him and that is what lies on the other side of the thin veil that separates this world and the next. There is no greater joy that what we will experience when we look into the eyes of infinite love and grace when we see Jesus.

But not just for us. In Psalm 116:1 the Psalmist makes an amazing statement: "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants." Why? because they have run the race and kept the faith, to quote Paul. And, because they will be complete in their fellowship with God for all eternity. The Image has been restored and along with it everything God made us to be - in His presence.

Every longing of our hearts on that day will be fulfilled in a way that we cannot even fathom. We will realize that for all our love of life, that this world is but a shadow of the one to come and we will emerge like through a deep cloud into complete beauty and clarity. We will finally be home: really, truly, completely home in every possible way. And we will have no end of time to mar the perfection we will experience in Him, in one another and in our own souls!

We know that Jesus shares in our grief when a loved one dies. He did with Mary and Martha at the death of Lazarus and He shares all sorrows and comforts us in all pain. But we also know that even as He comforts us He is blessed every time one of His is finally and completely home. It is precious to Him because we are precious to Him and we were fully made for Him. In fact, He awaits each of our arrival in a heavenly kingdom  that will never pass away and where we will realize how dark was the glass we saw through on this side of eternity.

Why boards must always speak with one voice

One of the key principles of healthy board governance is that boards always speak with ONE (corporate) voice! In other words, while robust dialogue and candid discussion takes place within the board room, once a decision is make it has only ONE voice and that ONE voice is the will of the majority, thus the will and decision of the board.

Why is this so important? First, it is the nature of boards themselves. They are by definition a corporate group that must make corporate decisions. While a board is made up of multiple individuals, it is a single (corporate) entity and as such cannot have multiple points of view when it speaks. The whole premise of a board and that of governance is that it is a single entity. When board decisions are disagreed with publicly by a board member it is no longer a single entity but several!

That is why when a board does not speak with one voice it often creates division within a church body. After all, if board members are not united by the decision they made, why should the congregation be united when they make a decision. We expect that the congregation, having voted on something (when that happens) will support the decision. When they don't see that happening at the board level, the board itself is training the congregation that they don't need to either and that it is OK not to support a corporate congregational decision. That of course undermines the health and unity of the church.

It also creates confusion. When a board as a whole makes a recommendation and individual board members dissent from that decision in public, what is the congregation to think? As a congregational member I would assume that the board itself does not really know what the direction should be and therefore the recommendation of the board carries little or no weight. Further, the board member who dissents is actually dissenting with himself/herself (how confusing is that?) because he/she is a member of the corporate group that made a corporate decision which he/she is now disagreeing with.

One of the highest qualifications for a board member is that of humility because all board members must submit their preferences to the preferences of the group. It is also why I say that "boards operate without a board covenant at their own risk." The covenant spells out how the board operates and the commitments that board members make to each other. One of the foundational commitments is that board members always support a board decision once it is made. They agree to speak with ONE voice.

Ununified boards outside the board room kill good governance, model poor behavior, create division and confusion in the congregation and are a violation of healthy governance practices. They hurt the very entity they are charged with leading and protecting.

A book for those who follow global politics

 

While the title may be a bit stiff: The Revenge of Geography: What the map tells us about coming conflicts and the battle against fate, this is a fascinating book on both world history and current events. I would recommend it to those involved in missions or those who simply want to understand global realities at a deeper level.

There are few contemporary authors who understand current events better than Robert Kaplan. Taking our world a section at a time - looking at how geography shaped their history and current situation, he also gives a glimpse at where our world is headed - or possible scenarios. 

The implications for missions are significant and thus I recommend this to those who are missionaries or those simply interested in global politics. 

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Good leaders are flexible leaders

Leaders with good EQ are both self defined and flexible. Their self definition becomes a compass directionally but within that direction they are highly flexible. For some, leadership is telling others what they will do and getting their way. For healthy leaders, direction setting includes other key stakeholders and then they are flexible on the strategies needed to go in that direction.

Most issues where leaders are inflexible and need to be right or get their own way are not worth the inflexibility. The very reason that church leadership was designed as a team, for instance, goes to the value of the counsel of multiple wise leaders. Most of the hills leaders choose to die on cause blood to be shed – rarely their own – for causes not worth dying for.

This is where being self defined but able to invite dialogue and stay in relationship becomes so important. Without this it is our way or the highway. With this it is possible to come to a corporate strategy to move in the direction that has been set.

Many of the conflicts that leaders find themselves in are a direct result of either poor self definition or inflexibility to negotiate a common course of action. Good leaders are highly flexible and are masters at helping other good people come to a common strategy on ministry that allows the ministry to move in the preferred direction. Black and while individuals, on the other hand tend to polarize rather than bring people together.

I recently watched a senior pastor lose a number of staff, key leaders and volunteers from his church because of inflexibility over issues that could easily have been avoided and which were hills not worth dying on. Rather than bring a group together to help find a common consensus, he found it necessary to personally define what would happen and in the end lost key supporters in the church. His lack of flexibility and black and white thinking caused polarity rather than inclusiveness which ended in great and unnecessary pain.

There are issues that are non-negotiables for leaders in order to achieve missional effectiveness. Most are not. The flexibility we have is a sign of good EQ - or lack of it.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Spiritual depth and Christian leadership

King Saul, in the Old Testament is a great example of a leader who started well but neglected the practices of a deeply influential leader leading to a terrible finish. In his early years, he looked and acted like a king. He was described as “an impressive young man without equal among the Israelites – a head taller than any of the others” (1 Samuel 9:2). In the early years of his reign he pulled off some impressive victories but early on there were signs that all was not well.

Saul started to believe that his leadership was about him rather than about a stewardship given him by God to us on His behalf. He ignored the prophet Samuel's instructions, and over time his leadership deteriorated, his heart showed the shallowness that it really was (even trying to kill David), until he himself lost his life on the battle field.

While Saul started impressively, it was the lack of depth in his spiritual life, the lack of wisdom in decision making that resulted in his long term decline in leadership effectiveness. He made poor decisions, took on bad advisers, displayed terrible emotional intelligence and undermined his own leadership as a result. Saul operated from a shallow rather than a deep place.

In an interesting comparison between the description on Saul an “an impressive young man,” when the prophet Samuel was instructed by God to go to Bethlehem to anoint one of the sons of Jesse (1 Samuel 16), he arrived and immediately assumed that Eliab must be the one (he looked like kingly material). “But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart’”(1 Samuel 16: 7). Instead of Eliab and the others, God had chosen the youngest, David, who was out tending sheep at the time which indicated his lowly position as the youngest.

God has an intriguing way of choosing leaders that would not be natural from the world’s point of view. Whether a Deborah during the time of the Judges, Paul, a former persecutor of the church, the disciples, many of whom would not be chosen to change the world, Joseph, a former convict, Moses, a “has been” who came into leadership with a felon record and from leading sheep for forty years, and the list could go on.

What God is looking for is depth of heart, faith, and wisdom that comes from the deep places in the inner self. The difference between Saul and David is startling and central to that difference is the deep inner well of spiritual depth that characterized David. This depth was evident even at an early age when it was he who took on Goliath (age 16 or so) but was deepened during the years between his anointing as King and the death of Saul when he became the leader of Judah and then Israel.

The books of 1 and 2nd Samuel are deeply instructive for those who want to lead well. Clearly David was a highly gifted leader. He engendered great loyalty from those he led, he was strategic in his leadership moves, undaunted by adversity and tenacious in reaching his goals. We know, however, from the Psalms that there was a rare inner depth which came from his relationship and dependence on God. One wonders where David found the time to go this deep spiritually when he was also the CEO of Israel but clearly he did. And the long term effectiveness of David when compared to Saul tells the story of why this matters.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

What leaders need to know

Have you ever sat down with a friend or colleague or leader to gently try to tell them something that they really needed to hear but the moment they realized you were addressing something they perceived as critical, the defenses went up, the body language told you that the conversation was not going to be easy and instead of a dialogue there was only a defensive response?

This is all too common, especially among ministry types (I am one) who seem to be more defensive than the general population because their ministry (what they do) is so wrapped up with themselves (who they are) that it is hard for them to take a step back, listen to counsel, advice or honest feedback without feeling that they and their ministry are being attacked.

The result for ministry leaders is that they often do not hear what people are really thinking because they have trained them that they are not responsive to honest feedback that they might construe as criticism.

I was once tasked to solve a difficult financial issue and when I presented my findings and solutions to my ministry leader he became angry, defensive and called me arrogant. Why? Because he did not want to hear "bad news" that challenged his paradigm of how things should be. With a response like that, he was training his people not to give him honest feedback because we knew that he didn't want to hear it and that it would not be a pleasant conversation.

This raises two questions for leaders. The first is, "Can I overcome my fear of hearing something that I may not want to hear and do so in a way that invites honest feedback rather than pushing it away?"

The reason we would resist honest feedback is that we are fearful that it reflects poorly on us. That is the source of our defensiveness. It is also an indication of poor emotional intelligence (EQ) because people with healthy EQ are open, non-defensive, and exhibit a "nothing to prove, nothing to lose" attitude. Indeed they not only invite feedback but when they get it they engage in non-defensive conversation to draw out the issues and seek to understand what the individual is saying.

In Proverbs, it is the classic "fool" who resists counsel and feedback, while the "wise" invites it and listens to it.

This raises a second important question: "Why would I risk the danger of not knowing what people really think by resisting honest feedback?" The end result of defensiveness in the face of feedback is that people often stop telling us what they really think and only what they think we want to hear.

There are two predictable outcomes of this scenario. One is that we don't know what is going on within our own team or organization and the second is that our defensiveness creates cynicism by people who do not feel like they can be honest. Both are dangerous for a leader.

I once suggested to a Christian leader whom I consulted with that he did not know what his people really thought about him because of his defensive attitude. He just looked at me with a blank face that said, "I don't care." He is in for a rude awakening when his leadership comes apart and he discovers that he has alienated many of his staff. His fear of knowing their true feelings was greater than the danger of not knowing but he will discover that in the end the danger of not knowing is higher than the fear of knowing.

Healthy leaders want honest feedback for the sake of their ability to lead well and for the health of the organization. Their healthy EQ invites honest conversation and they keep their anxiety and fear under control so that they are open to suggestions, critique and feedback. They listen carefully and then evaluate the information for its truth or relevancy. They do not need to agree with the feedback but they want to know what people are thinking. 

Violations of good board behavior that kill good goverenance

Good boards practice good governance which means that they go out of their way to not violate healthy board practices. The fact is that unhealthy practices on boards create all kinds of chaos and conflict within ministries. Healthy boards contribute to healthy ministry while unhealthy boards contribute to unhealthy ministry. Having worked with ministry boards for 25 years I would suggest that the following violations of good governance are responsible for a great deal of harm among ministries.

Not keeping confidences of the board room.
The board room is a place for honest, robust dialogue where any issue can be discussed with the exception of personal attacks and hidden agendas. However, that is only possible in an environment of trust which means that board members need to be assured that their deliberations will always be kept confidential. Once that trust is breached it is hard to regain it.

Allowing staff to go around their supervisor directly to board members on issues that concern them.
This is a huge "no no" for several reasons. First, it violates the principle that every individual has only one supervisor. Second, the board member now has one side of an issue and has information other board members don't have skewing his or her perception. Third, it is not fair to the organizational leader who may not know what is happening and certainly doe not know what is being communicated and it undermines their authority. Board members always respect the chain of authority in an organization and have in place a grievance policy for those times when it warrants it. 

Not supporting decisions of the board once they are made.
This is a hard one especially when a board makes a poor decision. And, there are times when decisions are so poor that it may make sense to step off the board knowing that one cannot support its decisions. If one is going to serve on a board, however, it must speak with one voice through its decision making process. Robust dialogue should take place in the board room but once the decision has been made it is the boards voice that is heard, not individual voices.

Allowing factions to grow on the board bringing division to its deliberations.
Divided boards create divided congregations. Further, board factions make it impossible for the board to make decisions together since faction by definition divide. It is critical that board members exercise the discipline of maturity in this and don't allow factions to divide them. That is a choice we all make and it is a clear sign of either maturity or immaturity.

Allowing any individual to control the outcome of decisions.
No individual, be it the pastor, a founding member or influential individual should have the power to veto or determine board decisions. Healthy boards have a collective voice determined by prayer, and collective deliberations. 

Protecting a piece of the pie rather than the health of the whole.
Board members do not represent a constituency or a piece of the ministry but are there to ensure the health of the entire ministry. Even when board members serve as quasi staff in a new or small church, once they enter the board room they put their board hat on and represent the whole, not a part.

Focusing on administration to the exclusion of a vibrant prayer and study rhythm.
Boards must pay attention to administrative issues within a church but most church boards err on the side of administration to the exclusion of prayer and relevant Scripture study together. Some boards never pray together and yet they represent a Christian cause. Prayer and the Word are the work of a board that is serving as under servants of God.

Operating without a board covenant.
Board problems almost always trace back to poor behavior or practices of one or more board members. A well written board covenant spells out the expectations of board members to speak well of one another, keep confidences, resolve personal conflict quickly, abide by board decisions and so on. Board members not only sign that covenant but they agree to be held accountable for living up to it. It goes a long ways toward ensuring a healthy board.

Ignoring known issues.
It never ceases to amaze me that boards have an uncanny ability to live with issues that everyone knows exist but that no one is willing to state or put on the table for discussion. It is pure conflict avoidance - the elephant in the room - that we are afraid to discuss openly. Here is the bottom line: It is cowardly not to be able to discuss known issues. Elephants are not elephants once they are named. Rather, they are issues to be discussed and prayed over. Board members need to put on their grown up pants once in a while and deal with hard stuff. 

Focusing on the small rocks and pebbles rather than the big rocks.
This is a major sin of many boards. They allow the trivial to keep them from discussing the truly important. Why? For one it is easier. Second, it seems urgent at the time. Urgency is not the same as important, however and many things can be delegated to others. The way to control this is to empower the chair of the board to allocate the bulk of the board tine for those things that are most important and let the pebbles and sand go to the bottom or to someone else.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

When there are alignment issues

Few things are more frustrating to good leaders, staff members or board members than to have an individual on the team who is significantly out of alignment with the rest of the board or staff. It takes just one individual who is not committed to the same direction to stall out what would otherwise be healthy governance or staff dynamics.

The most important work of a staff or board is to ensure that they are clear regarding their direction - and that there is equally clear support for that direction. That clarity is hard work but without it you have people moving in multiple directions and essentially negating the opportunity you have.
Once direction is clarified, what happens if there is a staff member - or board member who simply will not buy into the ministry direction?

At the staff level, the alternative is pretty clear. The staff member needs to find a place of ministry where he or she can minister with a happy heart and a clear conscience. I am constantly amazed at the poor EQ of some individuals who think it is OK to simply go their own direction even if it is at odds with their leader or the team. It is not OK - and leaders need to bite the bullet and transition the individual out of their ministry - or get on board.

Congregations that experience a lot of conflict or lack of directional agreement are usually taking their cues from either a board that is not unified or a staff that is not unified. If boards or staff are not in alignment, the congregation won't be either.

At the board level, it is a harder issue. However, a board can, (if it has the courage), have honest dialogue together and ask an individual to step off the board if they will not cooperate or cannot agree on a common direction.
This is not to stifle robust dialogue at the board level. But if there is not fundamental philosophical agreement after the hard work of determining clarity of direction, then there is a miss-match between the recalcitrant member and the rest of the board. For him or her to stay in leadership in those circumstances is counter productive for both parties.

This can also involve specific issues a board faces. I was once on a church board during significant conflict in the church. One board member was unable to deal with the conflict and come to a decision. I asked him to step off the board for a period of time so that the board could act rather than allow him to keep the board in constant dialogue and put off necessary action.

Wise boards do not allow anyone to join the board who is not in philosophical agreement with the direction of the key leadership (staff and board) or without signing a board covenant that spells out how the board interacts with each other.

There is no possibility of maximizing ministry without alignment in staff and boards. If you have an arrow going in the wrong direction, do what you need to do to resolve the issue.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Congregations of compassion

When Jesus died for us he met our greatest need that we had no way to meet ourselves. In the Sermon on the Mount he promised that our Heavenly Father knows our needs and will meet each one.

Being the people who show Jesus to the rest of the world requires having a mindset to meet the needs of those around us because is reflects what God did for us.

Every day we greet people with, “How are you?” We need to learn to ask the next logical question, “How can I meet this need?” when we become aware of issues they are facing.

This has been an expectation of God’s people from the beginning. As the prophet Isaiah said,

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

to loose the chains of injustice

and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?

Is it not to share your food with the hungry

and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—

when you see the naked,

to clothe him,

and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Then your light will break forth like the dawn,

and your healing will quickly appear;

then your righteousness will go before you,

and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.”

Historically and currently, active and selfless compassion directed toward our fellow man without the expectation of anything in return is what differentiates Christianity from other faiths. This was certainly the case in the early church.

How can local churches make this commitment to meeting the needs around them a part of their culture?

First, we can create a culture of personal compassion. Compassion commitment needs to come at the ground level and not be relegated to “professional” or committee ministry.

We need to develop a congregational ethos of individual accountability of meeting needs of the people around us. This will flow out of each person’s love and concern for people around them fueled by God’s love for each of us. Before we organize any programs to meet compassion needs, we need to figure out how to mobilize the individuals in the congregation to recognize and then meet the needs of people around them.

The initial “target” for compassion ministry can to be the people in our neighborhoods, workplaces, and schools and not focused on special populations that do not touch our daily lives. The development of this commitment starts from the pulpit.

We need to identify members of our body who have special gifts in mercy, compassion, and servant hood to mentor the rest of the congregation. Who can we have tell stories about on Sunday mornings to illustrate the joy of being Jesus’ hands to people around them? Who are the individuals involved in groups in our body that could help others in that group develop a commitment for meeting needs around them?

Second, we need to have a mechanism to make people and material resources available to the individuals who are meeting needs in their community.

A congregational survey of skills and availability may be a way to start a resource list. For example, if a person is aware of a neighbor with a roof leak who is not able to repair it and they are ready to jump in to meet the need, it would be enormously helpful to know who they can call for partnering in meeting that need.

Third, as a congregation develops the skills of identifying and meeting needs of people around them, individuals will rise to the surface that have a special passion for specific needs. Capitalize on their interest and expertise to build a ministry team that focuses on coordinating and deploying like minded folks to meet needs that arise.

One church I know has a “rapid response team” ready to go to work and their main complaint is that they don’t have enough to do!The point is that the key to developing a culture of compassion in our congregations is to start with our people meeting one another’s needs and meeting the needs of those who are in their circles of relationships.

If this becomes an expectation, you will see people from all walks of life releasing the love of Christ to those around them in tangible ways.

A few years ago Mary Ann and I were the recipients of this kind of love as a group from several churches painted and resided our home - something that desperately needed done but which we not do because of health limitations. We didn't ask, they simply said, "we are going to to this." We were humbled by their care and by God's love to us through them.

What if whole congregations could be mobilized to develop that culture, ethos and servant-hood! It would change lives, and our congregations.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.