Timing and Change: They work together

Timing on key decisions can be the key to either success or failure. A decision or direction can be the right one but if the timing is wrong, the right decision can go south - making it all the harder to move in that direction at a later time. This is particularly true with major change in an organization.

Leaders are always thinking ahead and it is not unusual for them to figure out a new direction (which may be a great direction for the organization) but in their impatience to make it happen, try to move before the organization is ready - and find that there is greater resistance to the change than they anticipated. The resulting "failure" of the effort undermines the leader's credibility and paints the direction as wrong even though it may not be.

Timing and change strategy go hand in hand. If you are a leader who desires to bring change to your organization, here are some questions that should be asked before you pull the trigger. Knowing the answers to these questions will help you determine whether the timing is right (or premature).

Do you have your key leaders with you so that when resistance to the new direction kicks in you are confident they will be your advocates?

Organizations that need change often have the wrong leaders in place. A new leader at the top may be critical but it is not enough. Unless that new leader has the support of the key organizational leaders the change will be sabotaged by the very people whose support you need.

It is not unusual that before introducing major change you need to change out leaders who will not go with you or who cannot be evangelists for that change. Wise leaders do not pull the trigger until they know that their key people will go with them.

Has the need for a major change been adequately communicated to the whole organization?

People are naturally change resistant. Entrepreneurial leaders are not and often do not take that resistance into account. Some people will never view change positively. Most people will agree to change if a higher value than their resistance can be called on and if the reason for change is properly communicated. That takes time, strategy and patience.

Senior leaders bringing change will not know whether there is adequate understanding and buy in from enough people unless they have dialogued with people throughout the organization - in person. In essence, one needs to create a crisis that is in proportion to the scale of the change needed. Crisis gets people's attention, life as normal does not.

For many ministries, the issue is simple. Unless we change and adapt to a changing world, we will no longer be effective. Ministries are notoriously behind the rest of the world in adapting to necessary change. The bottom line is that no matter what an organizational leader thinks, unless a good percentage of those he/she leads, agree, the change will not happen.

Is there a guiding coalition of folks who will champion what you intend to do?

This is the hard behind the scenes work necessary before rolling out major change. The board or governing authority needs to be with you. The line leaders need to be with you. And you need key people of influence in the organization with you.

As a leader you cannot be everywhere, all the time. You need people who are as passionate about what you are proposing as you are and who can be convincers of others at crucial moments. Major change without an adequate guiding coalition is doomed to fail.

Are you as a leader clear as to what your proposed change looks like?

It is one thing to know that change needs to happen. It is another to be clear as to what it looks like. If you are not clear you can be sure others will not be clear. While you may not be clear on everything, it is critical to be clear on the big issues so that you can clarify rather than confuse.

Many people will accept clear direction even if it is not the direction they would have chosen. Lack of clarity, however, brings apprehension rather than support.

Can you define the outcomes that you want to see and allow your line leaders and people to figure out strategies to get you there?

Your leaders and people need to have a stake in the change process and frankly, they are more likely to figure out the strategies to get you to your preferred outcomes than you will.

When the organization I lead, ReachGlobal, went through major change, one of our objectives was to move from "addition" to "multiplication" in all of our strategies. I could define the outcome, and in certain situations could give suggestions or possibilities but it was our missionaries who had to figure out what multiplication looked like in their context. They were the experts in their area, not me.

If you can define desired outcomes, giving good people a stake in figuring out strategy will go a long way in creating organizational buy in and common goals. Declaring how it must be done is rarely a good strategy for leaders.

Do you have the personal credibility to drive major change?

If you are a new leader, your coinage may be low (perhaps you came in from the outside) or it may be high (people are excited about what you bring). If you are an existing leader, your bank may be full of good will or it may be low if you have had to deal with difficult situations.

In any event, having a good feel for whether you have the personal credibility with your people to drive major organizational or cultural change is important. If you do not have the credibility or coinage - don't move forward until you do - or leave it to another leader who does not have the baggage you have.

Lack of personal credibility, whether fair or unfair, will likely cause your effort to fail. It is not worth the fallout to you or to the organization if it does. If change needs to happen and you dont' have the credibility to pull it off, do the right thing for the organization and let someone else with greater credibility do it.

If you can answer these questions in the affirmative, your timing is probably favorable for a positive outcome. If you cannot, wait! Trying to drive change prematurely hurts the organization in the long term and will make it all the more difficult to try again. In change, timing is critical. And wisdom is necessary to be able to answer the questions to determine the timing.

A sobering assessment of Middle East events for the safety of missionaries globally

The following statement from Assist News Service is an important one for all missionaries and agencies in light of the events of the past week around the world and particularly in the Middle East. I am quoting it in its entirety (with permission). These events should be a cause for increased prayer for missionaries and for our Christian brothers and sisters who are today at greater risk given the animosity between the Christian and Muslim world and the Muslim world and the West.

ASSIST News Service (ANS) - PO Box 609, Lake Forest, CA 92609-0609 USA
Visit our web site at: www.assistnews.net -- E-mail: assistnews@aol.com

Saturday, September 15, 2012

‘The World Changed Today for Christians,’ says Mary Marr, Founder and President of the Christian Emergency Network
She gives vital recommendations of how Christians and missionary groups can protect themselves and their staff during this time of unparalleled violence

By Dan Wooding
Founder of ASSIST Ministries

PHOENIX, AZ (ANS) -- In an unprecedented and well-organized attack on over 21 U.S. and German embassies this week, the loss of security and sovereignty represented by each embassy is a “world changing” event for Christians, churches, and missionaries around the globe.


This is the view of Mary Marr, Founder and President of The Christian Emergency Network (CEN), who spoke to the ASSIST News Service (www.assistnews.net) today (Saturday, September 15, 2012) in an exclusive interview.

She began by saying, “These events beg the questions: If the U.S. cannot or will not defend embassies, what will be defended? If the embassy staff, in Libya or elsewhere, is not defended, what will the aid be to any U.S. citizen traveling in a country who may be at risk? Apart from domestic security in the U.S. what does this mean for Christians, churches and missionaries around the globe?

“Missionaries have long lived with an eternal perspective in that each day their lives may be at risk in many countries where they minister. And, those with U.S. citizenship may have long relied upon the belief the U.S. embassies were not only symbolic, but bastions of security, while traveling or residing in another country.

“However, the events of this week are putting that assumption into question. As responsible caring believers, we must not refuse to examine the consequences for Christians (or any U.S. citizen) living or traveling abroad after this week nor to ignore the consequences domestically.

“It is not a matter of simply making ‘a statement’ with our wallets by curtailing tourist travel as some in the media have called for, or demonstrating anger over a foreign sovereign country not securing our embassies called for under international law. It is a matter of realistically assessing the security of our citizens. And, that includes Christians and missionaries residing around the world.”


Marr went on to say, “This cauldron has been simmering for a very long time. Anyone can readily see this level and highly organized outrage was not simply because of one movie as anything may have triggered the outrage in countries angered with the U.S. for one reason or another. These are highly orchestrated protests with historic and current security consequences for all Christians and missionaries, as well as citizens of the U.S. and other countries who consistently defend their citizens when traveling around the world.

“Historically in times of battle when a fort is taken a victorious flag rises as a symbol of defeat, such as we have seen with the U.S. flag in many countries being replaced by a black Islamist flag in recent days.

“When Francis Scott Key was awaiting word on a British or U.S. victory, he began writing what was to become the American National Anthem with the words, ‘And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air, Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there….’ This was a symbol of victory and an inspiration for a fledgling new nation standing for the freedom, including a nation built upon religious freedom for all faiths.”

Marr, who founded CEN after Sept 11, 2001 to “help the Body of Christ respond more biblically, intentionally and collaboratively to national emergencies,” went on to tell ANS, “During WWII, when fellow soldiers raised the flag over Iwo Jima the infamous photograph was formed into a memorial, which still stands as a remainder and symbolic declaration of strategic victory inspiring the war was at an end. Just as words have meaning, flags have meaning.

“And, just as the Christian flag has meaning for followers of Christ, so the Islamic flag has meaning for many Muslims around the globe. Erecting the Islamist flag over our embassies has meaning in that it makes the statement the Islamist flag has replaced the sovereignty of the country and it is no longer recognized as a place of security and defense for that country or the citizens who reside in those countries.

“The boldness of taking down one flag of an embassy of a sovereign nation and replacing it with a religious flag should not be minimized as bold consequences may follow as result. Just this week the U.S. Department of Homeland Security issued a rare security bulletin putting faith-based organizations on alert as the situation escalates in the Middle East and beyond.

“Rather than retreating in denial or avoidance, as those without the 'Hope of Christ' as we have been prone to do, the situation before us means a vital question must be decidedly answered.”

When asked what Christians, churches, Christian ministries and missionary organizations specifically should do right away regarding to their own global security from a Biblical perspective, she replied, “First, they should not minimize the consequences of the security risks of their Christians missionaries in countries around the globe. Prayerful and intentional decisions need to be made by the missionary organizations, apart from their traditional decision-making processes, since these are unprecedented times.”

Marr said that the U.S. government "may be distracted, unable or unwilling to be efficient in aiding missionaries, so it is incumbent upon the missionary organization itself to ask tough questions.”

She then listed them as:
1. Is the current environment in a given country secure for Christians and missionaries? What does security mean to your organization?

2. Are the missionaries “in country relationships” reliable, silent, less valuable, or becoming less constrained related to matters of security?

3. Do we stay the course as a missionary organization regardless of the security risk and cost or pull our missionaries out for another day when they may minister more effectively? 

Two Scriptures, which may apply in making this decision, are: “Beat your plowshares into swords and your pruning hooks into spears. Let the weakling say, ‘I am strong!’” (Joel 3:10 NIV) or, “He will judge between the nations and will settle disputes for many peoples. They will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not take up sword against nation, nor will they train for war anymore.” (Isaiah 2:4 NIV).

Marr continued by saying, “When Rome was encountering the plague, many Christians stayed to assist those in need, for the cause of the Gospel. There is a place biblically for the first responder, as we know full well, and the soldier who sacrifices his life for the lives of many. Yet, the ultimate sacrifice should not be given without cause. Self-sacrifice is not always called for as there is also the biblical perspective to survive another day and fulfill the mission by going on.

This perspective is in fact the first recommendation! However, God is the only one who is able to guide us in which biblical principle applies in every situation.

“However, regardless of which Scripture and biblical perspective applies to any situation the primary responsibility for securing Christians within the church facility while in worship is the church itself for example. And, the primary responsibility for securing missionaries is the mission organization itself, not the missionary in the field. Regardless of risk and cost, whether it is Church leadership, ministry or missionary organizations Christian leaders need to make prayerful, intentional, and deliberate decisions based upon the reality of the situation, as no decision is a decision, and the most dangerous decision of all!

“We cannot stand idly by and wait for government to address the security of our churches, ministries or families whether domestically or abroad. The responsibility primarily resided with us. What should churches, missionaries, and Christians do right now whether they are clearly in an 'at risk' situation abroad are this week or domestically in the future?"

Marr added, “To assist you, your family, church and local Christian community to assess your level of biblical readiness, develop emergency operations plans, build spiritual, emotional, mental and physical resiliency to biblically respond in crisis of all kinds, CEN (www.christianemergencynetwork.org) provides three helpful training programs - ReadyChristian, ReadyChurch, and ReadyCity.”

She then suggested the following immediate steps for churches, ministry and missionary organizations:

* Train staff to be aware of unusual activities such as loitering or taking photos of facilities

* Sign up for CEN Alerts ongoing for timely updates on unfolding crisis

* Develop emergency operation plans

* Establish safe rooms, shelter in place actions, and communication plans

* Post sentries during events and worship services who rotate and rove

* Establish relationships with local law enforcement and report suspicious any activity immediately 

* Limit vehicle access to the perimeters of facilities

* Lock windows and doors, use fencing and gate locks

* Review your faith-organization’s website for any information that may be sensitive

* Identify entry exits clearly to emergency evacuations and conduct an evacuation drill

Mary Marr’s expertise is in providing a unique Christian worldview to emergency preparedness and response, working with Department of Homeland Security and FEMA faith-based initiatives, developing the Biblical Readiness Standard, and offering a biblical perspective on any crisis situation provides a unique and valued service to the Christian community worldwide. In addition to being a seasoned radio broadcaster, educator, speaker, and author of Lighting the Way, Mary is also the author of CEN's three core ready training programs: ReadyChristian, ReadyChurch and ReadyCity.

She concluded by saying, “Every Christian should be ready to respond biblically to emergencies large or small. Christian Emergency Network unites Christian volunteers, community leaders and emergency professionals in equipping the Church to be aware and ready to respond in emergencies large and small. 

To learn more about how you or your Christian organization can be prepared to respond to emergencies go to www.christianemergencynetwork.org.”

Note to the media: If you would like to schedule an interview with Mary Marr, please contact her at: mary.marr@christianemergencynetwork.org. Also you can contact: Misti McHatton, CEN's Public Information Officer (misti.mchatton@christianemergencynetwork.org) or by phone at either (800) 260-5637 or 480-326-9132.

Those who get their way though intimidation in the church

Intimidation is a great way to get your way in church settings, mainly because most people are conflict adverse and don't want to go head to head with people who are bullies in their tactics. Bullies are no different in the church than in other arenas of life - their tactic is simple: intimidation.

Online Your Dictionary defines it this way: "To frighten into submission, compliance or acquiescence." It is the use of force of personality to get one's way because one is too intimidated to go up against them. By they way, those who do this know exactly what they are doing They know they are trying to force others to agree with them or to a decision or direction they want. Bullies have learned over time that they can bully others into submission.

In church settings, this intimidation may well have a spiritual veneer wrapped around it. Often, the bully will underhandedly bring a few other key voices into his/her circle in order to strengthen their case. Sometimes those they bring in are more vociferous in their tactics than the one who influenced them in their direction which is why one often needs to ask the question, who is the voice behind the voices when common issues are being voiced by several.

Whenever you have one board member who can effectively veto decisions of the board as a whole you have a bully. Whenever there is someone in the church who can veto decisions of the board, you have a bully. In case you feel the word "bully" is not gracious, Paul calls them "wolves" in Acts 21. This kind of behavior ought to be illegal in the church.

Here is something to know about bullies. They play unfair because they have learned that it is how they can get their way which is what bullying is all about - getting their way. What is also true is that when they are confronted on their behavior they get very nervous because at their root they are often insecure people which is why they use dysfunctional means to get their way and bully others. When confronted they will often back off quickly. 

At the board level, one prevents this behavior by a board covenant which does not allow unhealthy behaviors to prevail and when they do it gives them permission to remove the offender from the board.

At the congregational level, the loud, intimidating voices must be met by reasoned response from others who are willing to take them on. Congregations often assume that the loud voices represent a large faction of the congregation when in fact, they usually represent a very small faction (often just themselves) and when another person with courage challenges their position the congregation understands that there are others like themselves out there who have a reasoned position. To let people make loud, intimidating and obnoxious statements without a measured response is irresponsible.

Where it is clear that one has a divisive individual in the congregation it is up to the leaders to confront the individual's behavior and make it clear that it is unacceptable. Most bullies last as long as they do because no one has the courage to confront them. This is wrong.

Paul mentions three kinds of wolves the hurt the flock in the New Testament: The wolf of heresy, the wolf of ongoing unrepentant sin and the wolf of division. We do pretty good on the first two but the most common wolf in the evangelical world - division - is one that we usually don't deal with well. And it does our congregations a great deal of harm. 

In one church I am very familiar with, the board, congregation, district leaders and denominational leaders were unwilling to deal with a wolf of division which led to two decades of division within a congregation. Think of the pain because of a failure of courage. 

Bullies and intimidators don't like accountability. Putting into place measures that bring accountability and then following through is the best remedy for dealing with them. Give them their way and they will disempower and destroy a congregation.

Don't forget God's people in the middle of the Middle East conflict

On February 21, 2011, I wrote the following blog on upheaval in the Middle East. It appears to be prescient regarding what has transpired and it reminds us again to pray for Christ followers in this part of the world who could easily become targets by radical Muslim groups. We know that such uncertainty gives the gospel opportunity to spread. We also know it is a time of significant danger for believers in many places within the Middle East.

There is no doubt that we are watching history in the making in the Middle East and North Africa. If there was ever a time to pray that God would protect his people there and build his church it is now. This is both a time of opportunity and peril for the church in this part of the world.

There are many unknowns as to how political change will impact the church. In many cases the regimes that have been in power have kept more radical elements of Islam at bay. With regime change, these groups, such as the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt will seek to assert themselves. Radical Islam has no place for Christianity or freedom of religion which could mean huge pressure for Christ followers. In some cases, "democracy" could mean radical Islam!

The winner in this upheaval could prove to be Iran as it spreads its version of Islam and anti west, anti Christianity and hatred of Israel throughout the region. They believe that these events could herald the return of their great prophet who will usher in a pure world wide Islamic rule. And, there are elements in Iran who will do anything to help make this happen.

If the new order in the Middle East proves to be a more radical Islamic order, this will increase tensions with Israel. Today, two of its immediate neighbors, Egypt and Jordan have peaceful relations with Israel but that could change with regime changes. In that case, the Middle East will become more of a tinderbox than it currently is.


Hidden from view in all of these events is the fact that there are many Christ followers in each of these countries that are today under pressure - including Iran. There are believers in Mecca and Medina in Saudi Arabia. God has quietly been building His church even in the most radical areas of the Middle East and will continue to do so. And, God uses the events of history to spread the good news (Acts 17:26-27). We need to stand with these believers in prayer as they walk through very uncertain times. 


As you watch the news of the Middle East, let it be a constant reminder to pray for God's people there, for their protection, for opportunities to share the good news and that God would continue to build his church. Pray also, that God would protect the many church planters and missionaries who work in this part of the world. Their work is hard in times of peace. It is harder in these current circumstances. Now is the time to pray.

When God gives us a full cup to hold

Full cups of anything are hard to hold, my steaming cup of coffee in the morning for instance, without spilling. Many of us hold full cups of something which are trusts from God. It may be a full cup of success, or of responsibility, or of money, it could be a full cup of suffering, or of significant gifting, or maybe wisdom or even vision. Whatever it is, we know the cup is full and others know the cup is full and we must decide how we are going to handle that full cup.

Full cups are made to be held with a steady hand. 

A steady hand comes from a quiet settled confidence that what we hold is from the hand of God and we hold it on His behalf. It is not for us to be proud as it did not come from us. It is not ours to be used indiscriminately as we hold it in trust. 

Steady hands understand the source of what they hold in their cup and the one they hold it for. 

What do you hold in your cup and how well are you holding it?

What does it mean to be ready for death?

No this is not a macabre subject, at least for those who are Christ followers. Nor is this a blog for senior citizens. The truth is that our time on earth is but a speck of the time we will have in eternity. 

The other truth is that there is a paper thin line between life and eternity and although we all expect and hope to live to a ripe old age, we know that is not always reality either. I know this from experience having been on the precipice of death at ages 51 and 52. The line came so close for me on several occasions that the paddles were out, the crash cart there and I hung by a thread between time and eternity - for days.

I have two dear friends right now who will slip through the veil in the next days or weeks. And I have a list of people now at 56 with whom I will be reunited on that day when I too slip through the veil.

Which leads me to a question. What does it mean for us to be ready for death? It is, after all a part of life and it is the close of one chapter and the opening of another chapter so amazing that there are not adequate words in the New Testament to describe it - only glimpses. But if Jesus is everything and if we will spend eternity with He who is everything, I guess that sums up what we need to know. 

The problem is that we don't know the day or the hour when we will close this chapter and open the next so living in light of eternity means that we are ready for those two chapters to collide and for us to go from one to the other. 

So what does it mean for us to be ready for death, for eternity, for that moment when life and eternity intersect just long enough for us to move from one to the other?

Readiness means that we don't fear death. We may not like the process but for believers death holds a promise of something far greater than we have ever experienced or could ever imagine. Fear of death is really the result of an inadequate understanding of God and His Word. Those of us who fear death need to study the promises of God on death and eternal life. 

Readiness means that we don't leave unfinished business. I am not talking about the unfinished building project or things that can be picked up by others. I do mean relationships that we wished we had fixed, priorities we should have pursued, family we should have spent time with, obedience we should have paid better attention to. We don't want loose ends that we wish we had tied up when we are moments from eternity.

Readiness means that we don't so overvalue life and undervalue eternity that we and our family cannot make the adjustment to our going. Death is hard for those we leave behind, not for those who enter Christ's presence. But just as we must not fear death, so they must not fear it either and in their sorrow for loss, rejoice in the gain of those who are now in the presence of Jesus. I grieve for families that live in depression and diminished life for years after a loved one has died. If they only had a glimpse of the other side of the veil they would be rejoicing even in their loss.

Readiness means that I want to leave an example of a life well lived and a death well died that comes out of a deep followership of Christ and faith in all of His promises. Eternity is about legacy that we leave behind for our families, friends, and colleagues. It is about an example that we can follow. Every day I think of friends who have gone before me and the example they left in how they lived and how they died. Those examples are like channel markers for me to do the same. I want it to be said that I ran the race well and that in the end with eternity in front of me, I finished the race well.

Death comes to all of us. We all face that journey. How we face it makes a great difference to us and to others.

Forgiveness and legacy

Our ability to either forgive or not forgive those who have wronged us has a direct impact on our legacy. True legacy is not about the success we have accomplished as it is about lives we have impacted.

When we refuse to forgive someone who has wronged us we rob ourselves of the ability to influence or impact them. And we live in the prison of our own unforgiveness because what we cannot forgive we cannot let go of.

The greatest pain I ever encountered was pain inflicted by an individual who over a period of years caused huge emotional turmoil, caused me to leave my job and spread lies and untruths that were deeply hurtful. It was a situation that left me clinically depressed, deeply discouraged, emotionally wounded and my life dreams shattered.

From a human perspective, if anyone did not deserve my forgiveness it was this individual who had violated me so greatly in many ways. He did not deserve to be forgiven, nor did he ever attempt to make things right. But I was left with a dilemma. As long as I held on to the hurt and offense that had been committed, I could not move beyond the pain he had caused.

If, on the other hand, I was willing to offer what he did not deserve, my forgiveness, I could move beyond the prison of the pain, allow that chapter of my life to become a part of my history rather than my present and allow that history to contribute to my personal growth, future difficult people I encountered and mold my character. It is a dilemma all of us face when others have hurt us.

Forgiving this individual in my own heart was one of the hardest things I ever did. The pain he had caused was so severe. But, once I took that step, I was on a journey toward freedom from that pain, even though it took years to finish. Had I not taken that step I would still be imprisoned by bitterness and the memories. Today neither have a hold on my life and the experience has molded me in numerous ways.

When we choose to forgive we not only do what Jesus told us to do but we release the hold that those who have wronged us have on our lives. And, in releasing the bitterness and pain we give God the opportunity to redeem the pain by turning it into ways that God can use it in our lives and in the lives of others.

When we choose not to forgive, we continue to allow those who wronged us to affect our lives negatively (effectively they continue to have power over us) and we prevent God from redeeming the pain and turning it into legacy.

Ministry gives plenty of opportunities to forgive "each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Every time we do that we live as Jesus lived and a bit of grace falls on those we forgive. And, we free ourselves from the possibility of bitterness which will lead us into bondage. Life is not fair - and God often uses the unfairness of life to build our own character and legacy. The issue is not whether we have been treated fairly, it is how will we respond when it happens.

Take a moment and write down the names those who you have not forgiven. Are you willing to forgive them today so that you can live in freedom and allow God to turn their offense into a part of your life’s legacy?

The one thing that can change everything in ministry impact

We are always looking for ways to change the equation in local church ministry. While there are many things we can do to increase our impact there are a handful of things that the New Testament tells us are essential to do. 

One of them can change everything: helping God's people reclaim their God given call and potential in ministry: To develop, empower and release people to use their skills and gifts to advance His kingdom in their circles of influence.

The heart of our call as church leaders is to see all of God's people join Him in meaningful ministry. "So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up (Ephesians 4:11-12)." It is my conviction and I believe the New Testament teaching and example that our congregations will have impact for the Gospel to the extent that God's people are using their gifts and skills on His behalf.

Here are several ways to help make this a reality in the local church.

First, we need to create an expectation in line with Ephesians 2:10 that we were created by God for specific works and He wants us to join Him in His work to "destroy the devils work" (1 John 3:8) on our planet and bring the hope and restoration of the Gospel (Romans 1:16-17) that changes lives in God's power. None of God's people are exempt from that expectation and call.

Second, we need to reclaim the priesthood of all believers as the theology behind the expectation. One of the dysfunctions of the church is professional ministry where we hire staff to do the work of ministry and ask for people to assist. How would life look different if we understood that we are all called, all given specific gifts by the Holy Spirit and all of us God's staff! Practice follows a proper understanding of theology and this is a theology that needs to be understood by God's people.

Third, it is powerful to tell stories of how God is using regular people in significant but ordinary ways to share the Good News, be agents of compassion and help, infuse their workplaces and neighborhoods with His love and live out the good works Jesus created us for. Stories make the theology practical and doable. They encourage others that God can use them in significant ways by simply living out God's call on their lives.

Fourth, we need to make it practical in our teaching and preaching. God changes the world by ordinary people doing ordinary things in the power of God's Spirit in their circles of influence. We need to communicate this theology that God can and does use ordinary people to accomplish His work: "Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong (1 Corinthians 1:26-27)."

Fifth we must redefine ministry. Ministry is not simply what happens in the church but it is living out God's call in each of our unique places and circles of influence. For some, most of their ministry will be outside of the church. Keeping it inside the church is the reason we have so little impact in our communities.

Finally we need to tell God's meta story of a world undone which God intents to make whole again through His death and resurrection and his return with a new heavens and new earth. In the meantime we are His agents of heaven to bring the hope and truth and love of Jesus to all places where we intersect. It is the fulfillment of the Lord's prayer, "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:9-10)." We are His agents to bring bits of heaven to earth as we live out our followership faithfully.

Our passion ought to be to see all of God's people find fulfillment in their lives and work as they become His ambassadors in ordinary places, in ordinary ways with results that are extraordinary because the Holy Spirit has infused our efforts with His power.

Life is a pursuit: we are all chasing something

Life is a pursuit. We have dreams, goals, desires, inner drives, and our own dysfunctions and pride that all contribute to whatever it is that we are pursuing. Understanding what we are chasing is a complex undertaking. But we are all chasing something!

In his advice to his protegee, Timothy, the Apostle Paul gives him some clear and salient counsel about those things he should chase. "But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith...(1 Timothy 6:11:-12)."

What he was to flee from is exactly what the world chases after - the love of money, discontentment, the "foolish and harmful desires" that drive so many. What he was to chase after were the spiritual qualities that define a person who looks like Jesus. We are all chasing something. Paul says be clear about what you are chasing and make sure that it is worthy of the chase.

We are defined by what we pursue in life. Chase the wrong things and we are like those Paul talks about who have "pierced themselves with many griefs (1 Timothy 6:10). 

In the end it is a person who defines our pursuit: God! Paul trips over his words to try to define the only one worthy of our pursuit. "God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen (1 Timothy 6:15-16).

What or whom are you chasing today? If you lead others, your chase will impact everyone you lead. 

Leaders must lead from the front in these areas

For all the talk about leadership today, staff members don’t listen as much as they watch – and consciously or unconsciously follow the example of their leader. The rhetoric of leaders only matters when the words and the practices of leaders are in alignment. If not in alignment, it will be the practices that are most often followed.

There are some areas, therefore, where leaders must lead from the front. Leading from the front is not about what we say but what we practice in some key areas of our lives. It is these practices which give our leadership moral integrity with our staff. And without this moral integrity, we will not have the influence we need to lead in ministry, no matter how gifted we are.

Here are some questions that healthy leaders ask themselves on a regular basis. And where they catch themselves slipping they deal with it – their leadership depends on it.

Am I living with personal integrity?

Personal integrity is present when my beliefs match my practice – when my theology matches my lifestyle. As Paul told Timothy, “watch your life and your doctrine closely.” This matters in both our private and public lives because lack of alignment will eventually show itself in our character – even if we have tried to keep it hidden.

Personal emotional health is directly connected to the alignment of our stated beliefs and our personal practices. We are only whole as leaders when our beliefs match our practices. It matters.

Do I keep my word?

Words matter. They are powerful indicators of our character because they either point toward character or away from character depending on our propensity to keep our word or not. Promises not kept are deadly for moral integrity. As Jesus said, “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” It is better to say nothing than to promise something one does not intend to follow through on.

A key component in keeping our word is that of being clear about what we believe and what we intend to do. When a leader, in the desire to be popular is not honest about her or his intentions, they are not being honest and will inevitably be seen as not having kept their word.

Do I model healthy relationships?

Few things get in the way of healthy ministry more than unhealthy relationships: ongoing unresolved conflict; treating people with disrespect; lack of fairness; using people for our purposes or lack of empathy.

Staff members are acutely aware of whether their leader treats people well or not – regardless of whether they are above them, at their level or below them in the organizational chart. Few things will erode moral authority more than poor treatment of people and conversely few things will develop loyalty and respect as healthy relationships.

Do I keep organizational commitments and live the mission?

Every organization has a set of commitments, values or practices that it expects its staff to keep along with a mission that it is living out. One of the reasons that values, guiding principles or expected practices are not lived out is when staff do not see their leaders living them out.

For instance, a pastor might be adamant that his staff be loyal to him and support him but they know that he is not loyal to his board or support them. The lack of alignment between expectations and practice on the part of the leader undermine his moral authority with his staff. Staff will only take organizational expectations seriously when they see that their leader never compromises them themselves.

Am I open?

Leaders who are approachable and open, even when staff may disagree with them model an undefensive spirit that is a key component to a healthy organization. All too often, however, leaders feel that disagreement equals disloyalty (in fact, staff members who are willing to tell you the truth as they see it are actually the most loyal – if they have the best interests of you and the organization in mind). Lack of openness creates a climate of intimidation and fear within an organization where staff members know they cannot be honest.

Healthy leaders display an attitude of “nothing to prove, nothing to lose,” and are open to different ideas, constructive criticism and robust dialogue.

These five questions, asked of ourselves regularly, can ensure that we lead with the moral authority needed for long term success in a healthy environment. What we model as leaders is more important than what we espouse because when there is a conflict between the two, what we model is what our staff will believe.

Understanding what truly motivates us in ministry

For those of us who lead others in ministry, understanding what motivates us and drives us is a complicated but important question. There are many possible answers to even ministry motivation. They can include joining God in His work, our own ego, recognition, the applause of others, fulfilling someone else's motivations, personal ambition, or just wanting to be successful. On any given day or period in our lives, the answer could be different. 

Every leader is building something. That is the nature of leadership. Who we are building for is a far trickier question. Here is the issue that should give us pause. The pull of our lower nature is strong and when we are not highly sensitive both to the call of God on our lives and are not intentionally staying in close fellowship with Him, our inner motivations gravitate toward us and our own fulfillment rather than keeping Him and His call preeminent in our leadership. In other words, it is very easy for us to be meeting our own needs in our Spiritual leadership rather than leading on His behalf. It is a subtle but massive shift in motivation.

Why does it matter? Because we lead people toward the individual we lead for. If we are truly motivated by God's call and mission we will lead people on behalf of and toward Him! If we are actually motivated by our own ambition and a personal mission we will lead people on behalf of and toward us. Thus the motivations of our hearts have very real consequences for those who we lead. It is a subtle but it is real!

How do we know what really motivates us? It takes a great deal of introspection, thought, personal evaluation and being aware of our own drives and needs as they intersect with God's call on our lives. Ultimately the closer we stay to Jesus, the more sensitive we will be to Him. When we become distracted from Jesus (even by ministry) we become less sensitive to His call and are easily diverted by our own "shadow mission." It is possible to start our leadership with high sensitivity to leading on His behalf but over time to allow it to become about us rather than Him. 

Never take your motivations for granted. We are all building something and motivated by something. Knowing who we are actually building for and whose motivations we are fulfilling is vitally important. We don't want to get to the end and realize we were chasing the wrong thing. Our hearts are deceitful and we are easily deceived unless we are constantly being transformed by Jesus.

The real test of the depth of our faith

Here is an interesting question to ponder. What is the real test of the depth of our faith? One could answer the number of years we have walked with Christ. Or, the depth of our theology. Perhaps the ministries we have been involved in. Our work for Jesus.

I don't think it is any of those and I don't think it is dependent on how long we have been Christ followers.

The real test of the depth of our faith is when we face a situation or adversity where all of our own resources have been exhausted and we choose to trust God for the outcome no matter what it is. That is the point at which our true depth is tested and revealed. Not in the good times but in the very tough times.

It is in those times when we must grapple with the question of whether God is sovereign over our lives and if yes, if He is also good, no matter what the outcome. It is in those times when we must choose His hope over our despair and trust over disillusionment or bitterness. I have watched young believers respond with amazing faith and old believers with bitterness toward God. When adversity comes, the true depth of our faith is revealed - without exception.

In an ancient day, when calamity was about to come on the people of Judah, God's man Habakkuk said this:

"Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food, 
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls, 
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to tread on the heights"
Habakkuk 3:17-19

Habakkuk passed the test. Will we and do we? Life is very complicated and inevitably we come to those junctures and seasons where we have exhausted our own resources. Then life becomes amazingly simple: do we trust Him with the simple Child like faith that Jesus spoke of - and in the end - that is the deepest faith.

Heart or head leadership

I encounter three kinds of leaders. Those who lead from their heart, those who lead from their head and those who lead from both. Let me explain.

Heart leaders have very tender hearts and because of it everyone loves them. They are like chaplains to their staff and they don't want anyone to be unhappy. When someone is, they want to solve it. 

There is, however, a significant downside to those who lead only from their heart. First, their "chaplaincy" role can get in the way of their leadership and supervisory role. Second, in their desire to make everyone happy they easily agree to things that are not in the best interests of the organization as a whole and may in fact be unfair to others in the organization (when preference is given). Third, they find it hard to make tough choices that impact people because their strongest bent is not to cause anyone unhappiness. And fourth, they often ignore issues that require confrontation since they are deeply conflict adverse. 

The irony is that over time, a leader who leads primarily from their heart creates a dysfunctional organization rather than the healthy one they think they are creating because of their sensitive heart. 

Then there is the leader who leads only from his/her head. They are all facts, policies, figures, and bottom line. Often they will make decisions that may be right but in ways that hurt people. There is no margin for compassion or flexibility on issues that they could be flexible on. The downside is evident. There is not a spirit of empathy or compassion, individual needs are not addressed even when they could be and process is not a high priority so that even good decisions are carried out in a way that disempower people. This style of leadership can be as dysfunctional as the first style, just for opposite reasons.

There is a third option that is far healthier than these two and that is to lead from both our hearts and our head. Here we are committed to always doing the right thing (not meaning the easy thing) but in a way that honors people and takes their concerns into account. In this leadership style we take people's issues into account but at the same time do not do for one what we would be unwilling to do for another and do not show favoritism! Nor do we ignore personnel or work issues because we don't want to make others feel bad. That is simply leadership default and while it may feel fair it is really unfair to everyone else in the organization.

Heart/Head leadership makes these commitments:

• I will always take into account the legitimate concerns of my staff
• I will be flexible to meet their needs without showing favoritism or extending to one what I would not extend to another all things being equal
• I will make decisions that are best for the organization as a whole but be deeply sensitive to how those decisions impact people and are carried out
• I will foster a caring, collegial workplace where people genuinely matter and where we are committed to accomplishing the mission God has given us
• I will do all I can to honor staff in the accomplishment of our mission, even when changes need to be made

Since all of us are wired toward either heart or head leadership, having people around us who can balance out our bent is helpful and important. Both matter!

Choosing the right leaders in your church: You get what you choose!

This is the time of the year that many congregations choose leaders for their congregation. Whether it is called the Leadership Board, Church Council, Deacons or by some other name the quality of those you choose will in large part determine the health of your church and ministry in the years to come. 

This is not an area to take lightly or to compromise. Churches get what they deserve when it comes to choosing leaders - for better or for worse. In fact it takes only one bad choice to poison a whole board - or to keep the board tied up in trying to deal with the individual rather than on missional issues.

I believe that he New Testament spells out six core responsibilities of leaders for the church and these responsibilities have a significant bearing on who we choose to lead. If they are not qualified to do these things you need to think again. 

The six responsibilities of church leaders are:

1. To keep the spiritual temperature high
2. To ensure the congregation is well taught
3. To ensure that the congregation is protected from heresy, division and ongoing serious and unrepentant sin
4. To ensure the congregation is cared for
5. To ensure that people are developed, empowered and released in meaningful ministry (inside and outside of the church)
6. To ensure that the congregation is led well in missional ministry

If those are the six key responsibilities of church leaders what are the personal profile of a good church leader. If we look at the New Testament for its explicit and implicit statements on the matter we see 13 non-negotiable characteristics of a good church leader.

1. They exhibit a Godly Character and lifestyle
2. They have a deep passion for Jesus
3. They exhibit personal humility
4. They love people
5. They are life long learners
6. They agree with God's leadership assignment for church leaders
7. They are able or willing to grapple with the future
8. They are team focused
9. They are a willing leader
10. They have positive influence on others
11. They are purveyors of hope
12. They have a action bias
13. They have good Emotional Intelligence

In case you wonder where #13 comes from in the New Testament - it is implied as you cannot fulfill many of the other characteristics without good Emotional Intelligence.

Remember, it takes only one bad apple on a board to destroy a board's effectiveness. Every board should have a job description including qualifications and a board covenant that spells out how the board operates. The health of the board will be directly reflected in the health of the church. Be clear about what you want in board members and focus a great deal of attention on building a healthy board team.

See these articles as well:

Operate without a board covenant at your risk

Signs of a dysfunctional church board

Rethinking leadership selection for the church

Cutting through the fog of what good leadership looks like!

For those of us who lead, there are constant voices telling us how to do it, what good leaders look like, the secrets to leadership success and the din can be loud. Even disheartening! We know that we will never be as good a leader as (fill in the blank) or achieve what (fill in the blank) has done or have the influence as (fill in the blank).

So let me be perfectly frank: Much of what we hear and think about leadership is - well - crock! Ezra was not Nehemiah, who was not Esther, who was not Deborah, who was not Paul who was not David who was not Barnabas who was not you who is not me.

Here is what we do know about leaders. We are all made differently and all lead from the wiring and gifting that God uniquely gave to us. We should not expect others to lead like we do  and we should not expect to lead like others. Period!

In addition, because I lead a larger or smaller team than someone else is not a measure of my leadership skill. It is where God has placed me and my job is to lead as well as possible.

Finally, there are some universal characteristics of good leaders. They clarify the future and where the group needs to go. They develop, empower and release people into meaningful ministry and responsibility. They model the character and practices that they expect of others. They develop those they lead. They keep the team focused on the main thing and measure results. They give away credit for success and take responsibility for failure. They build teams of competent people.

How they do these things will be a matter of how they are gifted and wired. That they do these things indicates that they can lead well. Oh, one other thing, when they look behind them they see people who are willingly following.

If you lead, don't get caught in the comparison trap or try to lead like others. If God wanted you to be them He would have made you them. Instead He made you you for a specific reason. Learn from others but lead from the way in which God made you.

The dignity and gift of productive work

It is not unusual to hear people complain about their work. Just listen to the conversation around you on a plane or even the overheard phone conversations from the individual sitting next to you in the airline club. Bosses we don't like, crazy staff situations, suppliers who didn't come through policies that irritate.

But how often do we see work as a gift from God? A gift that gives us the dignity of making a living, providing for our families and using our creative skills in a meaningful way. The very fact that God "worked" six days in creation and rested on the seventh day was an example to us that He created us for work. For all the difficulties of the workplace, just talk to someone who has lost their job and is desperate to find one and we begin to realize the dignity and gift of work.

Work also puts us into contact with a group of individuals that Jesus wants us to influence and touch with His love. If your workplace is dysfunctional - you have the opportunity to bring the gift of sanity and care. Everyone we work with struggles with the same common life issues allowing us to be Jesus to them in hard times. Unfortunately work is the one thing we don't hear about in messages today and yet it is integral to most of our lives. In ignoring it we have ignored a gift from God.

I heard the story of a grizzled vendor in a poor country who sat every day in the same place, selling his beads, talking to those who came by and interacting with his fellow vendors. One day a tourist came and asked if he could buy all his beads. The vendor said no. The puzzled tourist asked why he wouldn't want to sell his whole stock. The old man looked at him and said, "Look around here. See all my friends? If I sold you all my stock I would have nothing to do here. This is my life. I need some to sell later, and tomorrow and next week." He understood that work gave his life meaning and value and dignity was was not willing to give it up. For him, work was not a commodity but something that gave meaning to life.

We were created for work. At creation God told Adam and Eve to rule over creation and work the Garden he created for them. Work was never a curse but a blessing. It can be hard, challenging and people can be irritating. It also gives our lives rhythm and meaning, allowing us to use our God given gifts and skills. 

If you have work, consider thanking God for the gift today. For those of your friends who do not have the gift, pray that they will find meaninful work.

The EQ factor in the leadership equation

Good leaders have good EQ! They understand its implications, know themselves and tendencies for good and bad, manage their shadow side, are open to input, are non defensive, empathetic and always growing their Emotional Intelligence. 

I am convinced that poor EQ is responsible for more poor leadership behaviors more than any other single factor. One can understand leadership principles, have vision and be able to deliver on it but if one has poor EQ, that one factor will significantly get in the way of their leadership because it negatively impacts those around them.

One must have a desire to grow their EQ but it is not without cost. It means that we are willing to confront, accept and deal with our shadow side. I spoke with leader recently who said, for years people would say he was intimidating and he always figured it was their problem until one day he accepted the fact that it was indeed how he was often perceived and started to manage the behaviors that caused the negative reaction to his communication style.

Here is the reason that many don't grow their EQ. It means that we have to listen to others and hear things about ourselves that we don't want to hear. It means that we must be willing to own the truth of those parts of our behaviors that hurt others and finally it means that we need to manage our behaviors so that they don't negatively impact others. Of course, we become better people, better leaders and are a lot easier to work with when we do.

At its root, good EQ is all about humility. The humility to hear, to learn to modify our behaviors and to not need to be right or to guard our pride and reputation. At its root, bad EQ is often about pride - the defenses we put up so that we don't have to confront the real us. That is why the best leaders are always humble leaders. Humility is the necessary ingredient to face truth in our lives and to commit ourselves to personal growth.

The irony in not owning up to our dark side is that it is not a secret to others. We are the only ones who don't get it. Those around us get it well as they must live with its consequences on their lives. Thus we lose nothing by acknowledging our deficits and working to manage them. In fact, our openness to our weaknesses brings the respect of others. Transparency is a valued asset in leadership.

Five questions every good manager periodically asks their staff

The reality of leadership is that generally staff will often not tell us key things unless we ask. When we ask, however, we are likely to get a straight answer. Wise leaders ask these five questions periodically of their staff.

1. Is there anything that I do which causes problems for you or disempowers you? 

2. Is there anything that you wish I would do differently?

3. Do you need anything from me?

4. Are you fulfilled in your role and do you believe your gifts are being used to their fullest?

5. What is your happiness factor (1-10)? What would make it higher?

Five simple questions that can create healthy dialogue and significantly enhance your working relationship with staff.

12 ways leaders disempower those they lead

Here are twelve common ways that leaders can disempower those they lead. If you lead others, think about whether any of these apply to you. When leaders engage in these behaviors they lose the trust and confidence of those they lead. 

Don't delegate authority with responsibility
This is particularly disempowering when one is asked to do something but they do not have the authority to get it done. It is a no win situation for everyone involved and displays a lack of trust on the part of a supervisor.

Redoing what staff have done
Yes there are times when it is necessary to tweak what staff have done but a propensity to redo their work on a regular basis disempowers otherwise good staff. This includes situations where one is tasked to solve a problem and then the solution proposed is rejected.

Surprises that create consternation
None of us like surprises and when those surprises create extra work for staff it can be very discouraging. Especially if they could have been given a heads up earlier.

Dismissing ideas out of hand
Good leaders encourage innovation and new ideas. When they are dismissed out of hand, however, they send a strong signal that they are not wanted.

Declare rather than dialogue
None of us like to simply be told what to do. We desire a voice in a decision if it impacts us. In general, declarations disempower while dialogue empowers.

Take credit rather than giving it away
This is one of the most toxic things a leader can do when the credit really belongs to others on the team. It is a sign of narcissism and devalues those who made something happen.

Talk rather than listen
Anytime a leader speaks more than they listen one has a disempowering leader. They are not interested in what others have to say but what they have to tell. 

Don't give equal regard to men and women
Unfortunately this remains an issue in the Christian world. Unequal treatment of men and women is wrong and it disempowers women.

Lack of equal treatment and fairness
When leaders give preferential treatment to someone others take note of the disparity. It is a lack of fairness which disempowers others on the team.

Using the God card
Christian leaders who use the God card - "God told me to do this" - leave others with nowhere to go in dialogue, especially if they have questions of the wisdom of the decision. How do you argue with God?

Double standards
This especially applies to leaders who live and work one way but expect their team to live an work another way. Leaders cannot ask their staff to go where they are not willing to go.

Don't keep them challenged
I commonly find staff who are under challenged and under utilized but their leader has never even asked so they don't know. Not being challenged in one's role carries with it serious disempowerment.

The art of managing up and valuing those who do

I have an amazing staff and one of the things I appreciate about them the most is that they manage up well. In other words, they are skilled at managing me as their leader and it makes me a far better leader.

Every leader needs those who are willing to manage up. We need those who will help us think through different perspectives, consider different options, rethink old paradigms, and help influence direction. Leaders who are resistant to that are poor leaders. Those who welcome it are better leaders because of those who manage them from the side or from below.

I know that not all leaders are willing to listen to messages from below that they don't want to hear. One of the decisions I made long ago was that I would not work for someone who was not willing to listen to what I had to say - they did not need to agree with me but they did need to be willing to listen. 

I realize that we earn the right to speak and there are appropriate ways of speaking and a right time to speak, but all things being equal, those who will not listen to those who work for them are leaders I choose not to work for.

Why do I value those who manage up? First because they have perspectives that I don't have and see things I may not see. All of us suffer from a limited perspective! Second, because they care about the mission of the organization. If they didn't they would not make the effort. Third, because they generally have my best interests in mind - if they didn't they would not bother. 

The last point is one that leaders ought to consider carefully. Generally staff want their leaders to succeed because if they do, so does the team or organization. When leaders are missing something that they need to know (what staff are thinking for instance) it is a great favor to them to clue them in. 

One of the ways I have approached potentially unpopular feedback to those I have worked for is to say something like this: "I want to share some things I have been mulling on. I don't need you to answer me and how you deal with the information is up to you but I want you to know...." This way I have not put someone in a corner, have not told them what they ought to do about it (and that is not my responsibility) but have shared what I think or know for their benefit and consideration. 

I have always appreciated people who have done this with me. I want the information or feedback they have but I am not always able to share what I  know about a situation with them. Giving me the information without needing a response allows me to process and file it away and become a part of whatever course I take. 

It is when people have an agenda that they are pressing on me that such feedback becomes problematic. Managing up with an agenda that a leader do what they want them to do is going to backfire and is a fast route to diminished rather than greater influence.

Leaders who resist feedback from below or the side often get what they deserve as other staff leave them to their own devices knowing that their lack of knowledge will hurt them but also knowing that they don't want to hear. It generally does not work well for either the organization or the leader.

Marriage ministries in the local church

Yesterday I celebrated my 36th wedding anniversary and it got me thinking about marriage, the church and society at large. Those who have been married for a long time know several things. First, that marriage is not easy; second, that it is stronger after weathering the life and marriage storms through the years; three, that we are better people for having to learn how to live with and serve another and four, that stable marriages (even though imperfect) are the best place to raise stable children. 

Which caused me to ask the question: why don't local churches put more emphasis on healthy, strong marriages with a robust marriage ministry? I know some do and I applaud them but the vast majority do not and yet it is one of the most important foundation stones of healthy couples, children and society at large.

Think at what is at stake with healthy marriages. People are far happier married than divorced so it impacts the happiness and therefore the health of individuals. Children raised in stable (not perfect) homes are happier and healthier than those who see their family ripped apart with divorce. The lessons learned by going through the hard times (and we all have them) are invaluable and change us in positive ways if we allow them to. And stable families are the cornerstone of stable communities, and healthy churches.

I am not ignoring the fact that there are circumstances where separation or divorce is the best route for those who are abused or abandoned. That is a reality in a sinful world and I feel deeply for those who have experienced marriage dissolution. The church is far too condemning and exhibits far too little grace for those who have experienced divorce. God is in the business of healing brokenness and so should we be.

But if healthy and intact marriages are so critical to our communities, our churches and God's design for families it would seem that local churches would do everything they could to help couples grow in their marriage relationships. And, to help them weather the inevitable storms that life and relationships bring weather from outside or inside forces.

Marriage can be hard - sometimes very hard, sometimes needing the supernatural grace and forgiveness only available through God's power. But those who go through hard times and stick it out emerge with a greater love and commitment than those who don't. And they can help others do the same.

We focus on many thing in our church ministries. A focus on healthy marriages (and helping the unhealthy ones) is one of the most important things we could do.