What leaders need to know

Have you ever sat down with a friend or colleague or leader to gently try to tell them something that they really needed to hear but the moment they realized you were addressing something they perceived as critical, the defenses went up, the body language told you that the conversation was not going to be easy and instead of a dialogue there was only a defensive response?

This is all too common, especially among ministry types (I am one) who seem to be more defensive than the general population because their ministry (what they do) is so wrapped up with themselves (who they are) that it is hard for them to take a step back, listen to counsel, advice or honest feedback without feeling that they and their ministry are being attacked.

The result for ministry leaders is that they often do not hear what people are really thinking because they have trained them that they are not responsive to honest feedback that they might construe as criticism.

I was once tasked to solve a difficult financial issue and when I presented my findings and solutions to my ministry leader he became angry, defensive and called me arrogant. Why? Because he did not want to hear "bad news" that challenged his paradigm of how things should be. With a response like that, he was training his people not to give him honest feedback because we knew that he didn't want to hear it and that it would not be a pleasant conversation.

This raises two questions for leaders. The first is, "Can I overcome my fear of hearing something that I may not want to hear and do so in a way that invites honest feedback rather than pushing it away?"

The reason we would resist honest feedback is that we are fearful that it reflects poorly on us. That is the source of our defensiveness. It is also an indication of poor emotional intelligence (EQ) because people with healthy EQ are open, non-defensive, and exhibit a "nothing to prove, nothing to lose" attitude. Indeed they not only invite feedback but when they get it they engage in non-defensive conversation to draw out the issues and seek to understand what the individual is saying.

In Proverbs, it is the classic "fool" who resists counsel and feedback, while the "wise" invites it and listens to it.

This raises a second important question: "Why would I risk the danger of not knowing what people really think by resisting honest feedback?" The end result of defensiveness in the face of feedback is that people often stop telling us what they really think and only what they think we want to hear.

There are two predictable outcomes of this scenario. One is that we don't know what is going on within our own team or organization and the second is that our defensiveness creates cynicism by people who do not feel like they can be honest. Both are dangerous for a leader.

I once suggested to a Christian leader whom I consulted with that he did not know what his people really thought about him because of his defensive attitude. He just looked at me with a blank face that said, "I don't care." He is in for a rude awakening when his leadership comes apart and he discovers that he has alienated many of his staff. His fear of knowing their true feelings was greater than the danger of not knowing but he will discover that in the end the danger of not knowing is higher than the fear of knowing.

Healthy leaders want honest feedback for the sake of their ability to lead well and for the health of the organization. Their healthy EQ invites honest conversation and they keep their anxiety and fear under control so that they are open to suggestions, critique and feedback. They listen carefully and then evaluate the information for its truth or relevancy. They do not need to agree with the feedback but they want to know what people are thinking. 

Violations of good board behavior that kill good goverenance

Good boards practice good governance which means that they go out of their way to not violate healthy board practices. The fact is that unhealthy practices on boards create all kinds of chaos and conflict within ministries. Healthy boards contribute to healthy ministry while unhealthy boards contribute to unhealthy ministry. Having worked with ministry boards for 25 years I would suggest that the following violations of good governance are responsible for a great deal of harm among ministries.

Not keeping confidences of the board room.
The board room is a place for honest, robust dialogue where any issue can be discussed with the exception of personal attacks and hidden agendas. However, that is only possible in an environment of trust which means that board members need to be assured that their deliberations will always be kept confidential. Once that trust is breached it is hard to regain it.

Allowing staff to go around their supervisor directly to board members on issues that concern them.
This is a huge "no no" for several reasons. First, it violates the principle that every individual has only one supervisor. Second, the board member now has one side of an issue and has information other board members don't have skewing his or her perception. Third, it is not fair to the organizational leader who may not know what is happening and certainly doe not know what is being communicated and it undermines their authority. Board members always respect the chain of authority in an organization and have in place a grievance policy for those times when it warrants it. 

Not supporting decisions of the board once they are made.
This is a hard one especially when a board makes a poor decision. And, there are times when decisions are so poor that it may make sense to step off the board knowing that one cannot support its decisions. If one is going to serve on a board, however, it must speak with one voice through its decision making process. Robust dialogue should take place in the board room but once the decision has been made it is the boards voice that is heard, not individual voices.

Allowing factions to grow on the board bringing division to its deliberations.
Divided boards create divided congregations. Further, board factions make it impossible for the board to make decisions together since faction by definition divide. It is critical that board members exercise the discipline of maturity in this and don't allow factions to divide them. That is a choice we all make and it is a clear sign of either maturity or immaturity.

Allowing any individual to control the outcome of decisions.
No individual, be it the pastor, a founding member or influential individual should have the power to veto or determine board decisions. Healthy boards have a collective voice determined by prayer, and collective deliberations. 

Protecting a piece of the pie rather than the health of the whole.
Board members do not represent a constituency or a piece of the ministry but are there to ensure the health of the entire ministry. Even when board members serve as quasi staff in a new or small church, once they enter the board room they put their board hat on and represent the whole, not a part.

Focusing on administration to the exclusion of a vibrant prayer and study rhythm.
Boards must pay attention to administrative issues within a church but most church boards err on the side of administration to the exclusion of prayer and relevant Scripture study together. Some boards never pray together and yet they represent a Christian cause. Prayer and the Word are the work of a board that is serving as under servants of God.

Operating without a board covenant.
Board problems almost always trace back to poor behavior or practices of one or more board members. A well written board covenant spells out the expectations of board members to speak well of one another, keep confidences, resolve personal conflict quickly, abide by board decisions and so on. Board members not only sign that covenant but they agree to be held accountable for living up to it. It goes a long ways toward ensuring a healthy board.

Ignoring known issues.
It never ceases to amaze me that boards have an uncanny ability to live with issues that everyone knows exist but that no one is willing to state or put on the table for discussion. It is pure conflict avoidance - the elephant in the room - that we are afraid to discuss openly. Here is the bottom line: It is cowardly not to be able to discuss known issues. Elephants are not elephants once they are named. Rather, they are issues to be discussed and prayed over. Board members need to put on their grown up pants once in a while and deal with hard stuff. 

Focusing on the small rocks and pebbles rather than the big rocks.
This is a major sin of many boards. They allow the trivial to keep them from discussing the truly important. Why? For one it is easier. Second, it seems urgent at the time. Urgency is not the same as important, however and many things can be delegated to others. The way to control this is to empower the chair of the board to allocate the bulk of the board tine for those things that are most important and let the pebbles and sand go to the bottom or to someone else.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

When there are alignment issues

Few things are more frustrating to good leaders, staff members or board members than to have an individual on the team who is significantly out of alignment with the rest of the board or staff. It takes just one individual who is not committed to the same direction to stall out what would otherwise be healthy governance or staff dynamics.

The most important work of a staff or board is to ensure that they are clear regarding their direction - and that there is equally clear support for that direction. That clarity is hard work but without it you have people moving in multiple directions and essentially negating the opportunity you have.
Once direction is clarified, what happens if there is a staff member - or board member who simply will not buy into the ministry direction?

At the staff level, the alternative is pretty clear. The staff member needs to find a place of ministry where he or she can minister with a happy heart and a clear conscience. I am constantly amazed at the poor EQ of some individuals who think it is OK to simply go their own direction even if it is at odds with their leader or the team. It is not OK - and leaders need to bite the bullet and transition the individual out of their ministry - or get on board.

Congregations that experience a lot of conflict or lack of directional agreement are usually taking their cues from either a board that is not unified or a staff that is not unified. If boards or staff are not in alignment, the congregation won't be either.

At the board level, it is a harder issue. However, a board can, (if it has the courage), have honest dialogue together and ask an individual to step off the board if they will not cooperate or cannot agree on a common direction.
This is not to stifle robust dialogue at the board level. But if there is not fundamental philosophical agreement after the hard work of determining clarity of direction, then there is a miss-match between the recalcitrant member and the rest of the board. For him or her to stay in leadership in those circumstances is counter productive for both parties.

This can also involve specific issues a board faces. I was once on a church board during significant conflict in the church. One board member was unable to deal with the conflict and come to a decision. I asked him to step off the board for a period of time so that the board could act rather than allow him to keep the board in constant dialogue and put off necessary action.

Wise boards do not allow anyone to join the board who is not in philosophical agreement with the direction of the key leadership (staff and board) or without signing a board covenant that spells out how the board interacts with each other.

There is no possibility of maximizing ministry without alignment in staff and boards. If you have an arrow going in the wrong direction, do what you need to do to resolve the issue.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Congregations of compassion

When Jesus died for us he met our greatest need that we had no way to meet ourselves. In the Sermon on the Mount he promised that our Heavenly Father knows our needs and will meet each one.

Being the people who show Jesus to the rest of the world requires having a mindset to meet the needs of those around us because is reflects what God did for us.

Every day we greet people with, “How are you?” We need to learn to ask the next logical question, “How can I meet this need?” when we become aware of issues they are facing.

This has been an expectation of God’s people from the beginning. As the prophet Isaiah said,

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

to loose the chains of injustice

and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?

Is it not to share your food with the hungry

and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—

when you see the naked,

to clothe him,

and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Then your light will break forth like the dawn,

and your healing will quickly appear;

then your righteousness will go before you,

and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.”

Historically and currently, active and selfless compassion directed toward our fellow man without the expectation of anything in return is what differentiates Christianity from other faiths. This was certainly the case in the early church.

How can local churches make this commitment to meeting the needs around them a part of their culture?

First, we can create a culture of personal compassion. Compassion commitment needs to come at the ground level and not be relegated to “professional” or committee ministry.

We need to develop a congregational ethos of individual accountability of meeting needs of the people around us. This will flow out of each person’s love and concern for people around them fueled by God’s love for each of us. Before we organize any programs to meet compassion needs, we need to figure out how to mobilize the individuals in the congregation to recognize and then meet the needs of people around them.

The initial “target” for compassion ministry can to be the people in our neighborhoods, workplaces, and schools and not focused on special populations that do not touch our daily lives. The development of this commitment starts from the pulpit.

We need to identify members of our body who have special gifts in mercy, compassion, and servant hood to mentor the rest of the congregation. Who can we have tell stories about on Sunday mornings to illustrate the joy of being Jesus’ hands to people around them? Who are the individuals involved in groups in our body that could help others in that group develop a commitment for meeting needs around them?

Second, we need to have a mechanism to make people and material resources available to the individuals who are meeting needs in their community.

A congregational survey of skills and availability may be a way to start a resource list. For example, if a person is aware of a neighbor with a roof leak who is not able to repair it and they are ready to jump in to meet the need, it would be enormously helpful to know who they can call for partnering in meeting that need.

Third, as a congregation develops the skills of identifying and meeting needs of people around them, individuals will rise to the surface that have a special passion for specific needs. Capitalize on their interest and expertise to build a ministry team that focuses on coordinating and deploying like minded folks to meet needs that arise.

One church I know has a “rapid response team” ready to go to work and their main complaint is that they don’t have enough to do!The point is that the key to developing a culture of compassion in our congregations is to start with our people meeting one another’s needs and meeting the needs of those who are in their circles of relationships.

If this becomes an expectation, you will see people from all walks of life releasing the love of Christ to those around them in tangible ways.

A few years ago Mary Ann and I were the recipients of this kind of love as a group from several churches painted and resided our home - something that desperately needed done but which we not do because of health limitations. We didn't ask, they simply said, "we are going to to this." We were humbled by their care and by God's love to us through them.

What if whole congregations could be mobilized to develop that culture, ethos and servant-hood! It would change lives, and our congregations.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Creating a dynamic team

As a leader, one of my highest priorities is to create a happy, dynamic, results oriented team that is energized, creative, collegial and deeply committed to a common mission. Here are some of the key elements that I believe are non-negotiable if one wants that kind of team and working environment.

Hire the best

God has gifted me with a wonderful team of professionals because we have worked on finding the very best people - in fact people that are a whole lot better at what they do than I am. This requires a leader who is not threatened by strong personalities and huge degrees of competency.

Tailor the Jobs

Great team members want to play to their strengths. Spend the time you need to ensure that the job reflects the strengths of your team members. The rule is that 60 to 80% of our time should be spent in areas of strength, not weakness. If the targets are not met, the level of dissatisfaction goes up. As time goes on, continue to be flexible in tailoring jobs to keep your people engaged and fulfilled.

Monitor happiness factors
I ask my team members regularly, what is your happiness factor, and they ask their reports. We want to know on a scale of 1-10 where people are at. If the number is seven or below I will probe. Sometimes it is a life issue but often it is a work issue that I can seek to resolve.

Create a collegial atmosphere
Everyone on the team is a critical member of the team from the lowest paid to the senior executives. Everyone's opinion and voice is heard and counted. Our jobs may differ but the honor, respect and voice we give to everyone is absolutely critical.

Empower people
Once a job has been defined, empower people to make appropriate decisions and to accomplish their job their way in line with the values and ethos of the organization. There is nothing more liberating than to allow people to use their gifts and creativity to accomplish their job.

Keep mission central
We are here for a common misson and we want to ensure that everyone is pulling in the same direction. The more clear the mission is, the more committed people will be to that mission. In addition, clarity of mission and strategy give people the information they need to make good decisions in their area of work.

Practice a monthly coaching/mentoring meeting

Take time each month to sit down and find out how your team members are doing, where they are facing challenges and what you can do as their supervisor to facilitate their success. Your investment in a monthly meeting sends a message to team members that you value them, want to help them and are committed to their success.

Be available
Senior leaders who are available to everyone on their team engender high loyalty. Often leaders see this as a distraction. In reality it is one of the most important things a leader does because your team members are the most important key to the organization's success. Show interest in people's lives, work and families.

Ask lots of questions
The more you know about what people are doing, the challenges they face and their wiring, the better you will be able to support them and help them maximize their gifting. Good leaders ask questions designed to probe and gain information they would not otherwise have. Few things show people great regard than to care about them and inquire about their work and lives.

Encourage robust dialogue
Rule. No issue is off the table except personal attacks or comments with hidden agendas behind them. Foster an atmosphere where honest dialogue is encouraged, new ways of doing things can be explored and creative collaboration is the standard.

Be generous with your praise

You cannot thank people enough or publicly recognize their contribution. After all, it is their work that makes the team successful. Go out of your way to make sure staff knows how much you appreciate them.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

We either innovate or stagnate

Autopilot is wonderful for our car but dangerous for our ministries!

We are on autopilot in our ministries when we become comfortable with what is rather than constantly asking what could be. As a ministry leader I am amazed at how quickly we become comfortable with where we are and stop asking the important questions about our strategies, effectiveness and how well we are accomplishing our mission.

It is human nature to crave the stable and comfortable. However, the more comfortable we become, the less missional we become. The words comfortable and stagnation are synonymous words for good leaders, and not good words..

There is a poster that says, "If you always do what you always did you always get what you always got." Here is the danger: The longer you remain comfortable the harder it is to get out of the comfort zone and do something different.

One of the significant contributors to stagnation is the pace at which we live which robs us of time to think, to evaluate, to ask critical questions and to explore what others might be doing that is seeing success. The busier we are the more likely it is that we do not have the time or energy to think and evaluate  Ironically, our ministry pace may well rob us of ministry effectiveness!

Avoiding the comfortable and stagnation is one of the responsibilities of every leader - whether of a team, a division, a ministry or an organization. Even if you are not naturally an innovator!

Leaders who keep their organizations from the comfortable and stagnation have some common characteristics.

First, they take time to think, to read, to pray and to strategize. This is the "do less to accomplish more" principle. Wise leaders actually build time into their schedules when they are unavailable to others so they can think about the ministry they lead.

Second, they always ask the question: "Is there a way to do what we do differently that would increase our effectiveness?" As a mission leader, I am convinced that many mission agencies are doing the same thing today that they did fifty years ago, good work, but not very effective work given the way the world has changed.

The problem is that they have been comfortable for too long and neither leaders or ministry personnel are asking the effectiveness questions. The same is true for many churches that cruise along without much change year after year.

Three, they are never satisfied with the status quo. The status quo is a danger zone. Good leaders know that there are always better ways to leverage effectiveness  They keep gently pushing their team or organization to keep looking for ways to see better results for their time, energy and resources.

Four, they are always looking at what others are doing for better ways to do what they are doing. We don't need to be innovators to innovate. What we do need is both a radar and relationships that keep us informed as to what others are doing - and where appropriate - what we might be doing.

Fifth, they are deeply missional and keep the mission in front of their team or ministry all the time. Instilling a deeply missional mindset among everyone in our ministry will go a long way in helping them avoid the comfortable. People who are driven by mission are never satisfied with the status quo.

One of the ways to know how comfortable you are is to ask the question, how many significant changes have we made in the past five years? The smaller the number, the more likely it is that you are living in the comfort zone. This is not change for change sake. It is innovation for the sake of greater effectiveness.

We either innovate or we stagnate.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Mike Stickler and Raise Your Vision: An important message of disassociation

For personal reasons I am distancing myself from Mike Stickler, The Vision Group and their conference Raise Your Vision of which I am listed as a participant. I want to make it clear that I am not affiliated with, endorsing or participating with the conference even though I recorded a session with them prior to realizing that I do not want to be associated with Mike and the group. 

I asked them to remove my name and session from their video conference but they not only declined but have been using my name to promote their event. Some weeks ago I informed them that if they continued to use my name I reserved the right to make a public statement which I am doing today. 

It pains me to make this announcement but one's reputation is the most precious thing they have thus I feel constrained to do so.

The art of negotiation, timing, and strategy in ministry change

Ministry attracts people with strong belief systems and convictions. Another way of saying that is that it attracts people can be very black and white, impatient and convinced that one must act - now!

It is what also gets many young leaders in trouble. Their beliefs and convictions get in the way of thinking through the ramifications of their actions. For them, it is about right or wrong. For others it feels harsh and often unnecessary. 

Ministry has politics like any other organization. Politics is not good or bad - depending on how one approaches it. It is recognizing that there are different groups in a congregation who share common perspectives that may differ from other groups and unless one can navigate those differing perspectives, you cannot lead. I would suggest that there are three skills that young leaders need to develop in order to navigate the political waters of leadership in ministry.

The art of negotiation
I have worked with many churches on reforming their outdated and noneffective governance systems. Rarely does one get all that one wants in the process because their are sacred cows embedded in the bi laws. Some of the issues may be seen as Scriptural issues, others not but they are important to someone which is why they got there in the first place.

Leadership is knowing how far and fast one can go without losing those you are leading. It is learning to negotiate differing concerns, seek common solutions while realizing that these are not usually hills to die on. Good leadership settles for what it can get at a particular time to move the ball down the field knowing that there will be another day to address other issues that need to be addressed. 

The art of timing
Even when one knows what needs to be done, knowing when to pull the trigger is just as important as knowing that the trigger needs to be pulled. I have just finished reading Rise to Greatness: Abraham Lincoln and America's Most Perilous Year (a great book by the way). 

One of the most critical issues Lincoln faced was that of freeing the slaves in America (Emancipation Proclamation). It was not a matter of if but a matter of when and how since both the timing and the way it was done had huge political ramifications at a time when the union was deeply divided over many issues. Lincoln took heat from many sides for not acting sooner than he did but he recognized that the when and the how were critical factors in the success of the what.

A leader can only successfully lead change at a rate that he/she will be followed. Move too fast and you lose too people and coinage. Move too slow and you lose good people who want to see ministry move forward.  Trusted counselors and boards can be immensely helpful in knowing the right timing.

The art of the strategy
When we talk about change we talk "change management." Healthy change is managed through negotiation, timing and strategy. Let me give a very practical example: I am asked from time to time by church leaders to help them move a staff member out of the church because of a bad fit, budget issues, re-organization, poor performance or some other legitimate reason. 

Letting a staff member go in ministry has consequences. Everyone has a constituency so understanding the potential response is critical, as is negotiating a win/win (where possible) with the staff member being let go. How you do it, when you do it, what you say about it and how well you treat the departing staff member all become critical factors in limiting the fall out in the church. One can do the right thing in a poor way and injure the organization.

There are two common themes here. First, there is an art to any kind of change. The art is to understand the politics and people involved, to know when to make the change and to have a strategy that minimizes negative fall out. The second common theme is that all of this takes a great deal of careful thought, patience and the ability to go where one can go and hold back when one must. Impulsive behaviors in change work very poorly. 

Young leaders grow in these areas by both success and failure. When necessary get a coach and some wisdom to minimize the dumb tax paid in the process

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Embracing all of God's people

I had a wonderful experience recently. Before I spoke at a church conference the senior pastor came up to me and said, "I don't know if you are aware that we have a ministry to those with mental disabilities in our church. In the first service they usually sit in the front and in the second service in the back. If you hear some strange noises or see people walking around during the service, don't worry, we are all used to it." 

Sure enough there were a few in both services that I had the privilege to interact with after the message and between services. Contrast that with another church that removed an individual from the services because his disability might cause a "distraction."

One cannot imagine Jesus marginalizing anyone! When some protested that the little children were doing just that he pointedly turned His attention to them. The sick, the lame, the demon possessed, the prostitutes, tax collectors and the lepers all found in Him a friend. They are also made in His image and of equal importance to Him and therefor to His family.

I was proud of this congregation that was more concerned for all of God's people than that they had a "perfect" service or one in this case without interruption. I am always encouraged when I find churches who embrace all of God's people rather than the ones who fit our criteria. The irony is that we all have issues in our lives: some of us are just better at hiding them than others. 

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Herding cats and congregational alignment

Congregations are effective to the extent that their people are moving in the same general direction. When leaders have a direction and can mobilize their people in that direction, there is great power. When leaders don’t have a direction or people don’t know the direction, or there has not been significant effort to herd the cats in that direction, mission suffers.

It is not easy to herd cats and it is not easy to get a group of people pointed in the same direction. But it is possible and wise leaders work on making it happen. Here are some basic tips in how to make that happen in your church.

Clarify the basics. 
Leaders need to have clarity before they can communicate clarity. They need clarity around four key areas. One, what is our mission? Two, what are our guiding principles or the non-negotiables for how we do what we do and relate to one another? Three, what is the single most important thing we need to focus on (central ministry focus)? Four, what do we want the end result of our ministry to look like (spiritual vitality)?

Leaders, pastors and staff must have a common set of commitments and a common vocabulary around these four core issues so that they can communicate them consistently and clearly with the congregation.

Communicate constantly. You cannot over communicate the basics. While we may get tired of hearing ourselves saying them, it is in the constant communication of what is truly important that people start to assimilate those beliefs. People crave clarity and good leaders provide the clarity on a regular basis. If you can communicate those key issues in a simple, clear and consistent manner, people will start to remember them.

Be upfront with new members and attenders.
The reference point for what church is or should be for people who have had prior church experience is some church in their past. They often come into a new church thinking that your church will be like some past church. It won’t in all likelihood. Use new member classes or informal gatherings of new attenders to communicate who you are, what your commitments are and what your direction is. Clarify the four issues noted earlier.

This is important if you truly want your culture to reflect your mission, guiding principles, central ministry focus and end result. The fact is that you do not want people importing values that are inconsistent with who you are or want to be. Not all churches fit all people. Be clear as to who you are and what people can expect in their experience in your congregation.

Ensure that every ministry in the church is communicating the same thing. You will either lose alignment or gain alignment depending on whether every one of your ministry leaders and key volunteers is communicating the same message. For instance, all staff, volunteers and ministry leaders need to know those things that you are clear on regarding mission, guiding principles, central ministry focus and the end goal of your ministries - and have a plan for how they will communicate them in their particular ministry. If all ministry leaders communicate and live out the same message – it will get through.

Use small groups to focus the congregation on key ministries. 
Small groups can either align or miss-align a congregation depending on whether there is a strategy to ensure that leaders are paying attention to the key ministry commitments of the congregation. For instance, one should ensure that every small group is intentionally helping people move toward a common definition of spiritual maturity – depending on how your church as defined maturity. Or, if community involvement is key to your ministry, every small group should have a plan for how they will contribute to community ministry.

All small group leaders should have the same understanding, commitment to and concern for the mission, guiding principles, central ministry focus and the desired end result of ministry. If they do not have the same commitment as staff and leaders, the cats will not be moving in the same direction.

Develop your "way"
Executives from around the world pay big bucks to attend Disney seminars on the “Disney Way.” It is the way that the Disney Company does business, treats employees and the unique culture they espouse. Every church ought to have “a way” or a culture that defines it that is inculcated into every staff member, every board member, every volunteer or key ministry leader – and then into the congregation as a whole.

Your way includes the culture you want to create (guiding principles), the mission you exist for, the desired end result of your ministry (spiritual vitality) and the central ministry focus – the developing, empowering and releasing of people into active, meaningful ministry.

This also includes a common vocabulary that is spoken in your hallways, the living out of your preferred culture and a consistent message over time. Done well, you will develop your unique culture and the cats will move generally in the same direction.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Before you determine strategy

As an organizational leader and consultant I encounter many can do people with lots of creative ideas as to what the ministry they are a part of should be doing. Readers of this blog know that I love creative ideas. However, ideas and strategies can also be your undoing if you don't do some critical work first.

Before you go to strategy you need to go to another harder place - ministry clarity. Ministry clarity answers the four key questions every organization needs to answer: Why are we here? What are our non-negotiable guiding principles? What do we need to do day in and day out to maximize our impact? and What culture must we create in order to see our dreams realized. 

Without clarity which becomes the true north of your ministry strategies (whether good or bad) are merely floating ideas which may or may well not contribute to your end result. 

It is only when you know the specific direction you are to go that strategies come into play and the ones you choose should only be those that allow you to move toward the direction you have chosen. Many ideas will take you somewhere. The question is whether they will take you toward the God given vision you have articulated as to where your ministry needs to go. Many ideas and strategies will actually be counter productive to where you want to end up which is why clarity must come before strategy.

As a consultant I am often asked early in a relationship if the ministry should do thus and so. My answer is always "I have no idea." That surprises ministry leaders until I explain that until they have clarity on where they need to go there is no point in discussing specific ideas and strategies. It is truly the cart before the horse.

Many ministries do a lot of good things but never achieve the impact they could have. Usually that is because there is insufficient clarity to guide their decision making process. Clarity is always first, other issues come second. Chapters two, three and four in Leading From the Sandbox are all about getting to clarity. If you know this is a need for your ministry I would encourage you to take a look.

Reflections on Emotional Intelligence

Ministry organizations pay far too little attention to the issue of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). When we hire we look at competency and character and fit with our organization. But, we often gloss over the individual's EQ and if the EQ is not good we pay a price for neglecting this issue.

In most ministry settings the single greatest cause of conflict revolves around poor EQ causing relational issues, bad feelings, disempowerment and lack of health.

Emotional Intelligence, often labeled EQ, is the ability to understand ourselves, know what drives us, accurately see who how we are perceived by others, and know how we relate to others. EQ also measures whether we have the relational skill to work synergistically with others while being 'self defining' and allowing others to speak into our lives or work without defensiveness.

Signs of poor EQ include the inability to listen to others, personal defensiveness, unawareness of how we come across to others, lack of sensitivity to the feelings of others, inability to constructively deal with conflict, a need to control others, narcissism, and the need to have our own way.

Good EQ includes openness to the opinions of others, lack of defensiveness, awareness of who we are and how others perceive us, sensitivity to others, the ability to release others rather than control them, allow for constructive and robust dialogue, and the ability to abide by common decisions.

It is possible for someone to have great competence but to have low EQ and leave relational havoc in their wake. Don't put them on your team. In fact, if they cannot be helped to become healthy, they probably should not be an employee of your ministry because no matter how competent they are, the damage they cause relationally in and outside the organization is too high. The alternative is to put them in a spot where they will do the least damage to others.

One of the sins of ministry organizations is that under the guise of 'grace' or 'being nice' we are not honest with people who have EQ issues. We don't tell them when their style hurts others or causes relational chaos. Then having not been honest, we finally get fed up and let them go. That is not helpful nor fair.

The first step in helping people develop better EQ is to sit down with them and honestly share how the behaviors that are problematic cause problems and to suggest ways that they can modify their behavior to minimize the negative fallout. Many times in our organization we will ask people to see a psychologist when there are significant issues to try to bring change. Where change is not forthcoming we will take action to help them find another organization to work for. The alternative is to compromise the health of the team they are on and the missional effectiveness of the ministry.

Good EQ for leaders is especially important. Leaders with poor EQ often control others, micro-manage, are threatened by people who are more competent than themselves, do not foster robust dialogue and consequently are unable to develop healthy teams. The fallout on the team are issues that people don't dare discuss, mistrust, silo mentalities, frustration of team members and lack of cooperation.

Two excellent articles on Emotional Intelligence are Leadership that Gets Results, Daniel Goleman, Harvard Business Review, March-April 2000, reprint number R00204 and What Makes a Leader, Daniel Goleman, Harvard Business Review, January 2004, Reprint number R0401H

Watching the tide: Don't get caught unaware

Nothing lasts forever, not even our present jobs or ministries. The question is whether we are aware when the tide may be moving out - with the threat that we might be left high and dry. Wise individuals watch the tide so that they are not caught by surprise - and have the opportunity to take action on their own terms.

Tides are not always fair to the ships riding on them. Nor is life at times. Changing tides can be about a church or organization going through transition, leadership changes, personality conflicts with those we may work closely with, a lack of agreement with the mission or culture of the ministry we serve, or our own need for a change.

The issue is not whether the tide may be going out is due to us or other factors. The issue is whether we are aware of the direction of the water's flow or if we will be caught by surprise. Connected to an awareness of the tide is a discernment as to whether the place where we work continues to be healthy for us and whether it maximizes our gifts.

For senior leaders the first question is, how am I doing with my board to whom I am ultimately accountable?

Whether in the secular world or the world of ministry, knowing how your board views your work, effectiveness and ability to drive the mission at any stage of your leadership is paramount. My observation is that once one has lost the confidence of the board that the tide is unlikely to come back in.

If there are tensions with the board it is critical to know where the tensions are and then to determine whether it is possible to resolve the issues involved, or if it is going to be a losing battle. Again, the issue is not whether it is a "fair" situation, from our point of view. It is better to have honest, candid and robust discussion with a board than to find out one day that the tide has gone out on us and we are being asked to leave. Or are fired.

The same goes for those of us who report to a supervisor other than a board. One of the best things we can do is to solicit regular feedback on their view of our work so that there are no surprises. I realize that it can feel threatening to actually ask the important questions. The alternative, however, is even worse - not knowing that there are issues - or pretending that there are not when we know there are.

This does not mean that our supervisor always needs to be happy with us or that we cannot press back on issues. In fact, that is exactly what happens when there is a relationship of trust between a staff member and supervisor. Honesty and disagreement are expected in a healthy relationship. It does mean that we are aware if there are deeper issues that a supervisor may have with us - and whether those issues can be resolved or not.

We also ought to be aware of how we are doing with out colleagues, those who play at our level. This takes more personal awareness but it is an indicator of the tides. It is not necessary that we are best friends with our colleagues. It is necessary that they respect us and the effectiveness of our work. If they do not, it can erode our effectiveness since their perceptions can influence others and because our effectiveness is dependent on the willing cooperation of our peers.

An awareness of how those who report to us feel about our work, character, leadership and effectiveness is vastly undervalued. It is easy for leaders or supervisors to pay too little attention to this since they are "in charge." However, the truth is that those who report to us will either help us or hurt us in proportion to the respect that they have for us. If they lose confidence in our ability to lead, we are in serious trouble.

Let me be honest on this one. If we are unwilling to ask those who report to us how we are doing, either using a 360 review process or directly, we should not be leading. We may not like the feedback, we may need to learn from the feedback or we may like the feedback. The issue is whether we are willing to hear the feedback - for our own good and so that we are not surprised.

Healthy leaders have an attitude of "nothing to prove, nothing to lose." They want the feedback so that they can lead better and so that the mission is accomplished. At the least, it is wise to know where our people are. And they probably will not tell us unless we ask.

Finally we need to be aware of our own growth curve, level of challenge and whether we are at the top of our game or have moved into a plateaued or coasting mode. If we are not at the top of our game in the position we are in, we either need to figure out how to get back to the top, or admit that we may need a change. Others will see where we are in our growth curve, so it is wise for us to know as clearly as they do.

Wise individuals are aware individuals. They understand that life is not always fair, that jobs don't last forever, that God is sovereign and that self awareness is a key part of emotional health. They watch the tides, not in fear, but as ship captains do. So they are not caught like the tall ship in the picture.

Eleven things that discourage pastors and Christian leaders

Board members and congregants and staff seem to find it easy to criticize their pastor or leader. After all he works for them. As a former pastor and one who consults with pastors regularly I would suggest that there are a number of things that bring major discouragement to your pastor. 

1. Bringing a major issue up on Sunday after your pastor has preached. Most non-preachers don't understand how much energy goes into a Sunday message. Unless there is an emergency, Sunday is the wrong day to dump issues on your pastor. So is Monday when  he is recovering from Sunday. For most of us weekends are just regular days. Not so for your pastor.

2. Professional critics. Now I am a firm believer that we ought to be able to talk about any issue but I am most likely to listen carefully to who I know have my best interests in mind. There are people who believe that their spiritual gift is to criticize others, especially pastors. While your pastor may choose to respond graciously it does not mean that he is not hurt deeply by a constant barrage of criticism. 

3. Anonymous letters. I have a rule. If a letter is anonymous I will not read it. If someone does not have the guts to reveal who they are why should I listen to their counsel (actually it is rarely counsel but critical feedback).

4. Passive aggressive individuals. These are those who say one thing to one's face and then do the opposite behind one's back. As I have said previously, this is not only a form of dishonesty but it requires a lot of time and energy when that behavior causes conflict in relationships and in the church. 

5. Passing on information from anonymous sources and refusing to reveal where the information comes from. Comments like "Many people feel this way" without naming who feels that way leaves a pastor in an impossible position. I for one, will not have a conversation with anyone who comes with this kind of information if they are not willing to reveal the source. I cannot evaluate the information without knowing the source and some sources I will discount immediately because they are professional critics.

6. Power brokers. These are people who use power to get their way rather than through the normal channels of leadership. They try to win by intimidation or threats. As a leader I ask them to please  share their issues with my leadership group which immediately causes them to back off. They don't like accountability but want to force their way behind the scenes.

7. Legalists. These are professional pharisees who believe that everyone should see life and Christian practices (most of them are not Christian practices) their way. There is much in the Christian life that is grey and where we are to follow our conscience. Legalists want people to live in their bondage (see Galatians) rather than in the freedom of Jesus.

8. Sharing issues about you with others rather than with you personally. I invite any who have issues with me to talk to me. It is gossip, passive aggressive behavior, destructive and cowardly to talk to others about a leader when they have not talked to the leader themselves. It also is unbiblical (see Matthew 18).

9. Staff who go around them to complain to board members. This is not only bad governance but it hurts the ability of a leader to lead. Furthermore, the board member gets only one side of the story. If a staff member feels that there is a moral issue at stake he or she should ask for a meeting with the pastor and the church chair so there can be a real conversation without violating the chain of supervision.

10. Those who want their church to look like the church they left. Here is an irony. Many people leave a church unhappy but their version of church is the one they left. Every church is unique. Your present church will never be your former church, for better or for worse. Suggestions are great when make in the right spirit. Your pastor does not pastor your former church but your current church.

11. Church leaders who don't keep confidences. What is said in a board room belongs there and no where else. Those who violate board procedures and agreements kill trust for the rest of the board.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Simple but profound faith

Father, I thank you for the gift of grace that has forgiven my sin and started to remake my heart into one that looks like Yours.

Thank you for providing for my needs today. Help me not to worry about tomorrow.

You have invited me to join you in Your work. Empower me to be faithful in serving you today - as you have gifted and called me. Allow me to show Your love to at least one person today.

Whatever you bring to me today I accept as a gift from Your hand. Give me the grace needed to deal with each situation I face.

Grant me the empowerment of Your Spirit, favor with people and the wisdom needed to negotiate my day.

Amen


All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Unhealthy avoidance techniques

There is a common methodology for avoiding accountability for our shadow side and that is to become a professional critic of others. All of us have encountered these folks at one time or another – or done the same thing ourselves. They are quick to criticize and distrust, are always questioning motives of others (without doing their homework to validate their distrust), love to become enmeshed with others who are also critics (nothing like another critic to verify our version of reality), love to take on the offenses of others (even when they don’t have the facts and it does not pertain to them) and live in a circle of other unhealthy, distrustful, critical individuals. And yes, there are plenty of these in the church and Christian organizations. They will twist motives, conversations or actions to match their view of reality.


What is really going on behind this behavior is often the justification of their own behavior so that in the critical assessment of others they do not need to do critical assessment of their own shadow side. It is frankly a convenient way to ignore personal issues by focusing on the issues of others. Because everyone has a shadow side, it is not hard to pick it out in others and professional critics will quickly tell other their faults but are unaware or unwilling to deal with their own shadow side. Often the glue that holds their friendships together is not a common mission but a common enemy – someone out there that they can focus their unhappiness, anger or personal unresolved issues on – and it is often a leader because they are visible.

Not only are these unhealthy individuals but they form pockets of unhealthy individuals since they find others who will validate their view of reality and can deeply hurt organizations through their closed circle of opinions and criticisms.

All of us have strengths and all of us have liabilities that come with those strengths. There are many ways of coping with our own shadow side. One is to face it and seek to deal with it – and it is a life-long practice. The other is to do what many do and mask it, ignore it, spiritualize it or focus on the shadow side of others rather than their own. People of deep influence never mask or ignore. They realize that they are people who have a lower nature and that the process of spiritual transformation is that of exegeting ourselves so that we bring all of our lives under the Lordship of Christ, especially the shadow side which represents more than anything else the residual of that lower nature.

Often, we resist pressing into our shadow side because we are ashamed that we even struggle with one. This is a misunderstanding of God’s work in our lives. Every one of us is a work in progress, every one of us lives with the liabilities of being human and therefore imperfect and limited in our understanding of ourselves and those around us. Paul understood this when he said in Philippians 3:16, “Let us live up to what we have already attained.” God does not expect perfection, simply obedience to where he has brought us at this point in our lives.

Furthermore, humble individuals are transparent about their strengths and weakness, their areas of struggle and their liabilities. Those who pretend they have it all together fool themselves but not those around them. Our influence is not gained by pretending to be something we are not but by transparency in our walk with God and the issues we face in our lives. People of deep influence don’t hide who they are or the struggles they have. In fact, it is precisely because they are honest about their own struggles that we can identify with them and it is their commitment to live with authenticity that draws us to them.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The unique fingerprint of your church

God's creativity is amazing. With 7 billion people on our planet, no two fingerprints are alike. No two people are alike.

And, no two congregations are alike. But too often we try to make "our ministry" look like "another ministry," because we like the "success" of that ministry. The problem is that you cannot clone congregations. And when one tries, we lose the uniqueness that God built into that particular congregation. Leaders who try to emulate someone else's ministry not only are chasing an impossible dream but they are denying the uniqueness that God intentionally built into their church.

Plastic surgeons get patients all the time who want to change something so that they can look like some celebrity who is rated as the picture of what a beautiful person should look like. They are chasing a dream that is not real. And, usually not necessary.

Church leaders do it as well - by trying to become something they are not. Just as people chase a dream with plastic surgery - when they use it to emulate someone else - so church leaders can be caught in the same trap.

Success for every congregation is living out the Great Commandment and serving the Great Commission. It is not found in the particular program, music style or the number of people we can gather on a particular weekend.

The fingerprint of a congregation is a unique blend of its ministry philosophy, history, geography and neighborhood, the gifting of its people, its vision, and the gifting of its leaders. And, because of its unique fingerprint, God will use it in unique ways. In fact, it is in a diversity of ministries that the church will be most effective and reach the broadest swath of people.

If we can celebrate diversity of ethnicities and the uniqueness of each individual, why cannot we celebrate the diversity of congregations: large, small, in-between, house church, cell church, ethnic, traditional, non-traditional, seeker driven, seeker sensitive, inner city, suburban, rural, high church, low church, or just church!

We ought to be all that God made us to be and maximize our unique potential and commit to health, honoring Christ, becoming like Christ, living out the Great Commandment and committed to the Great Commission. And celebrate the unique opportunity that God has given us as a congregation.

God would be delighted if:

We could learn from one another but not try to be one another.

We would celebrate one another's ministry and not covet the unique mandate of another church.

In our success we would not assume that other ministries should look like us - leadership hubris.

We would gladly cooperate with one another and not be threatened by one another.

We humbly claimed our place in ministry and maximized our opportunity as a congregation.

He would be delighted because he has given every congregation a unique fingerprint. Celebrate it. Maximize its uniqueness. Don't try to be someone God did not make you to be.

I am privileged to work with many different kinds of churches. I am always amazed at the creativity and passion of healthy leaders and the unique ways they are making a difference for Christ. I learn something new with every church I consult with. It is in our uniqueness that we are effective, learn new ways of reaching people, innovate and reach those God has called us to reach.

Making Ripples

Changed lives is the coin of God’s Kingdom and influence with people is the key to seeing lives changed. It is the stuff that legacy is made of especially because influence creates ripples and ripples continue to create even more ripples – it is the nature of influence.

Drop a pebble in a pond and what happens? There is not just one splash but the splash creates ripples that reverberate across the surface in ever widening circles. Drop a bunch of pebbles in a pond and the various ripples hit one another and create small waves that start moving the whole surface. It is the nature of influence.

The most important work we do for Christ is that of rippling on others for Him. Christ rippled on his disciples, they rippled on the new believers in Jerusalem, who in turn rippled on the whole world as they were forced out of town by persecution and ended up on the highways and byways of the Roman Empire. It was one ripple at a time that changed the course of civilization forever.

If Barnabas had not come alongside Paul when the other Apostles were frightened of him, his ministry would not have gotten off to the start it did (Acts 9:26-31). It is not an accident that his name means “son of encouragement.”

The very reason God gave spiritual gifts to every Christ Follower is to allow them to ripple on others. Whether it is teaching, healing, faith/prayer, administration, leadership, care, giving or a whole host of other ways we have been gifted, these are gifts given so that we can influence others in the church and the world for him. One splash, many ripples!

My mother in law was a simple woman. Originally from Sweden, she came over by ship and got so sea-sick that she swore she would never go back. She met her future husband in English class in St. Paul. He was an immigrant from Ukraine, having lived through the Second World War, having served in the Russian, German and American armies (it is a long amazing story. Neither of them learned English too well and for the first five years I dated Mary Ann, I just said yes to every question they asked – not being able to understand very well.

Not only was Gunberg a simple woman, she was a quiet woman. She served as a nurses aid throughout the years at Miller and then United Hospital. She spent hundreds of hours with her four grandchildren, two of them ours.

What amazed many was how many came to her memorial service when she died from complications of a car accident. Never had she served on a committee in the church or had any visible ministry. But we heard story after story of people she had demonstrated small acts of kindness too, making meals, visiting, sewing clothes, giving money, helping neighbors and the list went on. The number of peoples this simple woman had rippled on was amazing, like Dorcas in the New Testament.

She was not a theologian, she had little wealth, she had a low level job, she was a first generation immigrant and she touched an amazing number of people – no doubt part of the reason that my wife and sons also have a heart for the underdog.

The heart of our ministry is people

It is people that God created for eternal purposes. It is people that He died on the cross for so that our sins could be forgiven. It is people that God loves with an indistinguishable love. While the world pursues things and bank accounts and properties and fame, God and His people pursue people. Stuff will not outlast our world but every human being has an eternal destiny – either with God or without him.

Most of you, like me, are just “ordinary workers” to quote my son. We are not people of great resources or wealth. We have average jobs and income. We are not famous or well known. But all of us have the one thing that we need to make ripples for Christ – we are surrounded by the very people He wants us to influence.

Two critical skills

Our world is desperate for love. In order to ripple like Jesus wants us to we need to develop two skills that Jesus had. The first skill is to see people as Jesus saw them. Hundreds of people would trail after Jesus and the disciples and in their exhaustion would often see those people as “irritants. Jesus on the other hand, saw them as “sheep without a shepherd, looking for love and answers.

When Mary Ann first came to the High School as the student nurse she would see kids like the disciples did, “bad kids,” “troubled kids,” with a bit of judgement. God changed her as she got to know the bad and troubled kids and now sees them as hurting kids with a lot of pain. That is the difference perspective we need to develop if we are going to ripple on those around us.

The second skill we need to learn is to love people like Jesus loved them. He met their needs, He expressed compassion, He came with an attitude of grace rather than judgment, He befriended the sinner, the prostitute, the leper, the outcast. His ministry was actually more on skid row than on easy street. The reason that bad or poor or marginalized people responded to him was that he offered love rather than judgment, grace rather than condemnation and hope rather than life as it was.

We were created to ripple on those around us. Our neighbors, the guys and gals at the homeless shelter, our colleagues at work, our friends and fellow sojourners at church. Think of the power of all God’s people rippling on those who they come across!

Ripple in your sphere of influence

Each of us has a unique sphere of influence. One of my friends, because of his profession runs in economic and political circles I will never be a part of. God has uniquely placed him there to ripple on people most of the rest of us cannot influence.

My sphere of influence is largely within the church community around the world. My responsibility is to have as much influence for Christ in those circles that I possibly can – using the gifts God has given me.

My wife, Mary Ann has had the opportunity in years past to ripple in a middle class school of 2,000+ where no soap opera or TV show could match what happens in real life. This is a group that the church by in large is not reaching and frankly would be shocked if they knew the challenges our next generation faces. She created huge ripples with her gifts of grace, mercy, honesty and loving care.

When you think about it, God has placed each of us in a sphere of influence that is unique to us and the opportunity we have is an opportunity others don’t have. It may be your neighborhood, place of employment, economic circle or any number of unique circumstances. When we all are intentional about rippling in our sphere of influence – that is when the church has influence.When all we do is ripple on fellow believers in the church, the church has little influence outside its own walls.

How leaders often shut down discussion, stifle dialogue and create stagnant cultures

Have you ever been in a staff meeting at some time in your career where you knew it was unsafe to say what you really felt? Or, where everyone knew that nothing would be said that would be considered contrary to what the leader thought? Where many positive things would be said about the ministry but no one would name the many elephants? 

Whenever I see a culture like this I know that there is a leader who has shut down discussion and stifled dialogue enough times that people will not say what really think, and everyone but the leader seems to know that.

How do leaders shut down discussion, stifle dialogue and create stagnant cultures? One of the easiest ways is simply to make  dismissive statements when suggestions are made: "that won't work," "I don't like it," "We don't do that kind of thing here, "We've never done that." Sometimes it is just body language that says something like "You have to be kidding."

Whether the idea or suggestion is a good one or not these kinds of statements from leaders send a strong message that one is better off just keeping their mouth shut. Not only are such statements pathetic in their lack of EQ but they are designed to end conversation that the leader does not want to have.

Often, leaders who display such behaviors are really saying that if the idea is not theirs it is not going to fly. In other words they are simply not willing to consider anything that does not fit their paradigms which staff quickly pick up on and choose to simply stay quiet. 

Those who continue to speak up and press into things that the senior leader does not want to hear or do quickly find that they are marginalized and sometimes even forced to move on. That sends a very powerful message the conformance and silence are the keys to survival.

Another way that leaders can do this is simply to ignore proposals that are made. In one such case I am aware of, the leader will tell subordinates that he will "think about it" or "study the proposal" and never bring it up again. It dies by deliberate neglect.

All of this creates a culture of stagnation because ideas, suggestions and different paradigms are not welcome at the leadership table. Staff must operate within a narrow band of what is acceptable and cannot be themselves in using their best thinking and creativity. It is a deeply frustrating place to be for anyone who is even a moderately healthy individual.

It also creates a culture of elephants - issues that everyone know are there but which cannot be safely addressed or even identified. What makes this so absurd and crazy is that the issues are not secret but they have to be treated as secrets, or as non-issues. As the number of issues grow that cannot be discussed, so does the dysfunction in the organization. When things do erupt out of frustration, the eruption is often unhealthy because healthy dialogue was shut down long ago. 

Unfortunately there are many examples of leaders who shut down discussion, stifle dialogue and create stagnant cultures. It is a sign of personal leadership dishealth, insecurity, dysfunction and it hurts the staff, organization and even the ability of the leader to lead well. I have vowed that I will never again work for such a leader.