Seven reasons why passing along gossip is so deadly and sinful

Gossip is one of the most devastating problems within many congregations. Think about these seven reasons why passing gossip along is so deadly and then ask if you want to be a target of gossip. If not, don't make others a target either!

• It is usually unverified information and always denigrating to others. Gossip is "idle talk or rumor, especially about personal or private affairs of others" (Wikipedia). Gossip is different than sharing our opinion for it goes to the motivations or actions of others and is generally destructive in nature. Scriptures are clear that gossip is wrong. Gossip includes questioning the motives of others, passing along third party information as fact, and denigrating others. Disagreement or stating our views is not gossip, it is simply defining what we are thinking.

• It is nearly impossible to take back. Even when we recognize that we have done wrong in participating in gossip it has now been passed along to others whom we don't know about and thus it is nearly impossible to take back. Gossip quickly takes on a life of its own.

• It harms another's reputation and they can do nothing about it. The target of gossip hears the rumors of what is being said but they don't know where it is coming from or who has shared it and therefor they cannot do anything about the false information being shared. All those who have been targets of gossip (and I have) know how discouraging it is to have non-truths or half-truths being shared that are harmful to one's reputation without a way to counter that information.

• It is a coward's way of communication. Cowards share information that they do not know to be true from first-hand knowledge to people other than the one they should be talking to if at all. If I have an issue with an individual, or a question about their actions my responsibility is to talk to them, not others about them. With gossip, rather than doing just that we talk to those who we think will agree with us and who will take up our cause. It is cowardly, and slanderous.

• It harms the reputation of Jesus when it takes place within the Christian community which it does all the time. It hurts the reputation of Jesus first because it is bad behavior by those who bear his name. Second, since it is often malicious and untrue, but targeted at other believers it hurts their reputation unfairly and therefor that of Jesus whom they represent. I suspect that Jesus is not happy when His reputation is sullied by His people!

• It continues to spread regardless of its truth. Have you ever heard an urban myth? These are stories started years ago which continue to circulate on the internet like the FCC revoking all Christian radio stations generating thousands of letters to them a year over an issue that it patently false. No matter what they say the letters keep coming. This is the problem with gossip. It continues to spread regardless of its truth for years and even for decades and often becomes  known as "truth" since it has been circulating for so long. 

• When targeted at Christian leaders or ministries it often ends up on the internet which others then take as gospel! Media, whether the internet or email makes it possible for gossip or untruths to spread faster than ever before. Thus things we say or write to others can be spread far and wide making our culpability greater than we ever managed. 

Scripture has a lot to say about slander - something God hates according to Proverbs. Slander is designed to hurt the reputation of others and it is ubiquitous within many Christian circles. At the least it does not reflect the character of our God and at the worst we will one day answer for every word we have spoken, good or bad.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

An urgent appeal from the Supreme Council of the Evangelical Community in Syria and Lebanon

The following urgent appeal comes from the Supreme Council of the Evangelical Community in Syria and Lebanon. This council represents all evangelical movements in these two countries in governmental affairs. I am privileged to count its leader as a personal friend. The urgency of the situation of believers in the Middle East today cannot be overestimated. Please read this carefully and pray for our brothers and sisters whose lives are in danger. You may need to use your zoom feature to read this but please do so. This is a critical situation. I would also urge you to share this with others as they have asked.

Great article on eliminating church confiict

Check out this short article on how to eliminate church conflict. 

What matters most?

I know my leader is unhealthy when...

• They regularly respond with defensiveness or anger when challenged
• They discourage open and honest dialogue where people are free to share their minds in a safe atmosphere
• They threaten those whose opinions are different from theirs
• They tell one person one thing and another person a different thing
• They need to be popular and loved
• They are not fully candid but tend to spin the truth
• They intimidate or threaten staff in order to achieve compliance
• There are many items that are not safe to talk about in their presence
• They care more about themselves than the team they lead
• They take credit for what others do
• They don't work collaboratively
• They display excessive hubris
• They don't listen but rather talk
• They blame others when things don't go well
• There is no staff development
• They don't deal with unhealthy staff who get in the way of others
• They consistently don't remove barriers that need to be removed in order for me to do my job well
• They think they have all the answers
• They are not ethical

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Healthy staff cultures

In my work with churches and Christian organizations I see more unhealthy than healthy staff cultures. I would love to reverse that order. It is truly a gift to work in a healthy environment and can be a curse to work in an unhealthy one. Here are some of the components of a truly healthy staff culture.

1. A leader who is open, humble, non-defensive and collaborative.

2. An environment where robust dialogue is welcomed and encouraged along with unity once decisions have been made.

3. Having the right people in the right seats.

4. High EQ (Emotional Intelligence) among staff members and leaders.

5. Clarity of direction as to where the organization is headed.

6. Having clarity in one's role and the necessary tools to accomplish one's job.

7. A collegial open atmosphere from the leader on down.

8. The ability to speak into things that impact one's job.

9. Candid, honest dialogue and conversation in an atmosphere of respect.

10. High in both empowerment and accountability.

My new book, Deep Influence: Unseen Practices That Will Revolutionize Your Leadership, is now available for pre-order on Amazon.

Gag orders in the church. It is responsible for much toxic staff culture.

It is not unusual for me to hear about gag orders by senior leaders or their Executive pastors, effectively telling elders that they cannot talk to church staff and staff that they cannot talk to elders. Usually it is in the name of policy governance which states that the elders have one employee, and that is the senior leader who can manage his staff as he pleases. This is both a misreading of policy governance, an unwise thing to do and often reflects the personal insecurity of the leader.

First lets clear up the policy governance issue. Under this board management tool, what is clear is that elders cannot tell staff what to do. That is the prerogative of the senior leader. They cannot manage staff. And it is also true that staff should not go around their leader to the elders as an end run to get what they want. 

What it does not say is that elders and staff should not talk. In fact I think it foolish for a leadership board to not know the temperature of the staff. Consider this: if staff cannot talk to the board in any fashion, what do they do when they have problems that are not getting solved by their leader? 

My experience is that such gag orders are usually a sign of insecurity on the part of leaders more than anything else. This was part of the massive dysfunction Mark Driscoll created at Mars Hill Church where there were major dysfunctions on staff but staff were not permitted to talk to others about it. In a large church I did crisis management in a long string of staff had been mistreated. The board suspected but had not inquired because they were not supposed to talk to staff.

Healthy organizations are not afraid of conversation around whatever issues they face. Healthy leaders are not afraid of alternate opinions or push-back. We have intentionally created an open culture in ReachGlobal where all issues can be put on the table with the exception of hidden agendas or robust dialogue. We welcome the conversation even if it challenges our current thinking. 

I am always deeply wary of what is actually going on when gag orders appear rather than the invitation to open dialogue.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Generational Inclusiveness in the church

One of my great passions is to see all generations in the church valued and appreciated. Most of us would say we do this and some churches do indeed do it wonderfully. However, this only really happens with great intentionality because our natural tendency as pastors is to gear our ministry toward those we we know best - our own generation. And when we do that, we often miss those who went before us and those who will come after us.

It is interesting to me that we are told in the Scriptures to honor the elderly. Growing up in Hong Kong I saw how much the Asian culture does this and even now with my grey hair I receive honor when in Asia. Often, however, in our pragmatic culture we do just the opposite by marginalizing those older than us. Their time has been and we need the younger generation. The second statement is indeed true but the first is not. Our time has not been until we see Jesus.

Here are some ways the church dishonors the generations above us. First, when we don't see their opinions as equally valid as we do those of our generation. Actually there is a great deal of wisdom that comes with age and even though our perspectives may differ between generations, all perspectives are needed in the church. My experience in working with hundreds of churches is that pastors listen to their seniors but do not really hear them. And, many don't truly honor them except in their public persona. In other words, it is often disingenuous. 

Second, when we take away worship options that are meaningful to a prior generation. I think it is the height of insensitivity not to accommodate worship styles of those who have gone before us. This is not an argument about music but about how different people connect with God in worship, or don't. When we take something that is precious and could have found a way to accommodate, we have made a statement that we don't really care. This is especially true when our congregation has multiple services and can therefore offer options.

Before our mission candidates can go overseas they must take courses in cross cultural ministry. I often think that pastors ought to take a course in cross generational ministry because ministering to my generation is not the same as the generations before me or after me. It takes wisdom, sensitivity, humility and a very open mind to understand and minister to generations that are not my own. Why do I assume that my paradigm is the right one for other generations in the church?   

Often, when we disempower a generation by removing worship that they appreciate, we position this as a matter of what we must do to reach the next generation and label alternate opinions as sin or gossip or not getting it. What if the issues are in fact real? What if it truly does matter? We should not spiritualize decisions that we are making out of our own preferences especially when we can give people options. I wish pastors understood what it feels like to be disenfranchised and marginalized. One day they may and I hope will remember decisions they made in the past that did just that.

A third area is that of ministry. Personally I don't relish being put into some seniors group that meets for coffee and trips to Branson Missouri. I want to be active in ministry, mentoring the younger generations, caring for those with needs, and simply using my gifts as I have all along. But we must work hard to find meaningful ways to engage older generations as we do younger.

I think it comes down to a deep sensitivity that we need one another, that we cannot marginalize anyone and that means that we need to listen, dialogue with and work hard to be inclusive rather than exclusive. We need to seek to understand the values, concerns and perspectives of generations different from our own and do all that we can to honor them. My generation is no more special than those that come after me or go before me. It is simply the generation I understand the best. 

Think about these questions. What does it mean to honor generations different than mine? What does it mean to understand their concerns? What does it mean to care as much for them as I do for others? What would it mean for me to care for other generations as much as I do my own. If we get the answers to those questions right we will move toward true generational inclusiveness.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Just received the full cover design for Deep Influence

"In an age of superficiality T.J. will guide you to the deeper places of influence and change"

John Ortberg

Deep Influence: Unseen Practices That Will Revolutionize Your Leadership, is now available for pre-order on Amazon. Available January 1, 2015.

Great leadership advice from Rudyard Kipling's "If."

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son! 

Rudyard Kipling

My new book, Deep Influence: Unseen Practices That Will Revolutionize Your Leadership, is now available for pre-order on Amazon.

Real life in Liberia under Ebola: Please pray

Guest post from David Kiamu in Liberia

On Sunday morning, as I drove off to church, I stopped by the home of my pastor friend who had lost his wife to Ebola just in the last one week. My friend sat outside his house with his head in his hands as if he was praying. He was actually weeping instead. I knew then that things were not that good. 

Naturally, my habit had been, jump out of the car, come to my brother, and hold him for a time of prayer. This time, I stopped my car, opened the door, but never had the strength to get out of the car. My friend realized I could not come near to him for a touch, and prayer, but I said a prayer for him sitting in my car.

Up to this point, my friend had lost to Ebola, his mother in law, his sister in law, the husband of his sister in law, and in the last one week, his own dear wife. My friend knew I love him, for we have been a great partner in ministry for for a while, but at this point, holding him for prayer was not something I could do.

Everyone in our neighborhood was aware that Ebola was now living with this family.  I knew this was not a good time to hug my friend for some powerful Pentecostal prayer. I wanted to, but it was difficult. My friend began to feel abandoned, and he cried the more. He said to me " Dave, I know we cannot touch each other now, but just pray. I am a servant of God, I am now 52, and I have preached his word for most part of my life. Just pray, and call an ambulance to take me to an Ebola treatment center, I think, I am ill".  I called an ambulance, prayed a silent prayer, never got out to hug my friend, and I drove to church. I was scheduled to preach at our new church plant called Life Chapel. 

Throughout the sermon, I cried, and so did the congregation. We cried because we all had experiences of seeing loved ones dying without the power to do something about it. In a culture where shaking hands, hugging, and kissing are ways  to show love and care, not being able to do so is painful. 

This is life in Liberia. We watch love ones die with no power to show them we love them. Then when we think of the burials in mass graves of loved ones we would have loved to bury in a culturally acceptable way, the idea of burning the bodies before throwing them in a mass grave is even more disheartening. But this is life in Liberia now. Pray for Liberia.

Dave

To help in this crisis click here!

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

One of the largest mistakes pastors make when they come into a new church. It can be fatal

One of the largest mistakes pastors make when they come into a new church is to make too many changes too quickly and without adequate process. In doing so, the coinage they started out with due to high expectations of the congregation diminishes greatly and may even be fatal. It also reveals a deep lack of sensitivity to congregants who feel their church was hijacked by the vision of one at the expense of the vision of the whole.

In most cases, changes are needed when a congregation reinvisions itself with a new leader. That is not the issue. The issue is how it is done and at what expense and with what process.

Think of the message congregants hear when a new leader brings major change quickly. They hear that the past was of no value, that their efforts and energy over the years has been discounted and devalued and this is compounded when new pastors publicly say things like "I wouldn't want to come to church in a facility like this." Or "we need vision." All that and more might be true but the message it sends is that the past has not accounted for much of anything. 

Think of the feeling of congregants when services are suddenly changed, ABF's taken away or other major changes to staff and programming seemingly unilaterally made. Their church has been stolen! It is how it feels. And it is all the more painful when adequate discussion and process has not been run but it just happens. Note to new pastors: feelings and perceptions matter both because we are in the people business and because we will lose our followers and ability to lead if we unnecessarily disenfranchise our people.  Another note to new pastors: This is not your church, it is our church so can we have a conversation about this together?

Here are key principles that pastors should pay attention to when coming into a new ministry setting.

• If you envision the future at the expense of the past you have just devalued those who were responsible for making the church what it is today.
• It is not your church but our church so it is not just your vision that matters but a common vision that we can all buy into.
• Wait at least a year to make major changes. You might learn a few things along the way and earn some relational credits that will allow you to manage change better. Why the huge hurry? It is not about you but about the church as a whole.
• When you do make changes, ensure that you run process, process, process. This will include conversation, dialogue, and more conversation and dialogue. People in general are change adverse and need to be brought with you.
• Be gracious. Understand the feelings of people, empathize with the pain of change, shepherd them through the change.
• Just because something is not organized the way your would organize it does not mean it is not working. Find out what is working and how to make it better and pace the change so that people can keep up.
• The people who are in the church when you come matter. One needs to be as concerned for them as for the "target audience" that many new pastors have in mind. Another way to devalue those who are there is to talk about the target audience to the exclusion of those already in the congregation.

To many new pastors think it is their job to fix all the broken things in the congregation they come to. First we need to love people and see what needs fixing. If we fix and change at the expense of loving and shepherding we go the sequence wrong. And likely what it means to pastor a church.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Why do we tolerate bad behaviour in the church?

Here is an interesting question: Why do we tolerate what is just plain bad behavior in our churches? It can be abusive pastors, church leaders who misuse their authority, those with power in the congregation or Uncle Joe who is just obnoxious. In some cases the behaviors are so ingrained that it becomes the culture of the congregation.

It is interesting to me that we will label bad theology for what it is but not bad behavior and  yet bad behavior is just as toxic as bad theology. And in evangelical circles, far more prevalent.

One of the keys to fighting bad behavior and habits in the church is to build a culture that is intentionally healthy. One need not focus on the negative but on a culture that is God honoring. Henry Cloud is right in his observation that "leaders get what they create or allow" (Boundaries for Leaders). If we don't create an alternative culture we simply get the amalgamation of "what is" and "what is" is often not very healthy.

The second part of his statement is just as important. When we allow problematic behaviors we will get them. If we are clear about what is honoring to God and what we don't do in our congregation we will get far less of the problematic. When was the last time in your congregation someone was kindly told that their behaviors are not acceptable? 

In this regard, "Christian nice" is not helpful. It is like Minnesota nice were we skirt important issues rather than address them. The Apostle Paul was pretty clear on behaviors that are healthy and those that are not (see Ephesians and Colossians). In the book of Ephesians in particular he describes a preferred culture and is clear about what is not acceptable. 

Creating a healthy culture is very possible. My book, Leading From the Sandbox addresses how to do this. Remember, we get what we create or allow.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Passive aggressive behavior is organizational guerrilla warfare

Guerrilla warfare is unconventional warfare, hard to anticipate and contain as it operates in the shadows but pops into the the light from time to time. The same is true of passive aggressive behavior within organizations. It is a way of quietly subverting something or someone in the shadows and behind the scenes while portraying an attitude of cooperation. This is why I have elsewhere called the behavior a form of dishonesty. It portrays one thing and actually does another.

Passive aggressive behavior can take many forms. It can include delaying tactics on things that others need to be done, not communicating key pieces of information that others need, being supportive in person and unsupportive behind the scenes with others, ignoring standard processes, not keeping promises, and other behaviors that are meant to prick or hurt an individual or a group that they don't like or have a bone to pick with. But, it is done in the shadows where it is hard for others to hold them accountable.

I once was the target of such an individual who delayed their response, didn't tell me they needed additional information so they could fulfill their obligation and used less than gracious wording in their communications so that it sent a message but was not overtly over the line. The individual obviously meant to send me a message through their actions and I got it loud and clear. It was subtle but effective. I had no desire to further work with that individual and instead dealt with their supervisor and not them (they don't work for me).

Why does this matter? It matters for two reasons. First, passive aggressive individuals are telling you through their behavior that they are not truly with you. In other words you have someone who says they are on the team but in reality they are not. Their heart is not there or they have a bone to pick with leadership but either way they are not truly on your team. You have an obvious lack of alignment.

Second, if you consider the behaviors above, they hurt the work of whatever team they are on by being like sludge in the works. Their lack of active cooperation inevitably gets in the way of what the team or organization is trying to do. It hurts the team and the organization.

How do you deal with passive aggressive individuals? In my experience the first thing to do is to address the unacceptable behaviors when they occur. If there is a pattern of those behaviors, keep track of them and with a passive aggressive individual there will be a pattern. At some point the pattern of behavior can be addressed.

Because this is guerrilla warfare that operates from the shadows. in some cases you simply allow the individual enough rope to hang themselves since ongoing behaviors like this will eventually irritate enough people that you can act on them. You cannot go to motives but you can hold people accountable for their behaviors.

If you suspect you have passive aggressive behaviors going on in your organization, keep an eye on it as it could hurt you, your team or the organization itself. 

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Negotiating church conflict in a healthy manner

One of the observations I have made in working with churches who are experiencing conflict is that we generally don't do it very well. Conflict itself is not bad if it involves differing ideas as to how to accomplish our mission. The issue is always how we handle the conflict, or our differences. It is poor handling of differences that get us in trouble, not the differences themselves which are merely differing perspectives on what should be done. That being said, here are some principles that can help us negotiate conflict or differences in a healthy manner.

One: Disagreement and expressing that disagreement is not wrong. Some are afraid to share their opinions because they have been told that to do so is gossip. It is not. All of us have the right to share our views in the church with the caveat that we do it in a healthy manner. It is unhealthy to try to shut down discussion in the church. It is OK to talk. It OK to express our views. It is OK to differ with others.

Two: Gossip is sin. Gossip is "idle talk or rumor, especially about personal or private affairs of others" (Wikipedia). Gossip is different than sharing our opinion for it goes to the motivations or actions of others and is generally destructive in nature. Scriptures are clear that gossip is wrong. Gossip includes questioning the motives of others, passing along third party information as fact, and denigrating others. Disagreement or stating our views is not gossip, it is simply defining what we are thinking.

Three. Robust dialogue is healthy. Robust dialogue means that we can put any issue on the table with the exception of personal attacks or hidden agendas. There are differing views in congregations on any number of issues. It is good to talk about those things but to do so without personal attacks, hidden agendas or language that inflames rather than informs. Healthy leaders invite healthy dialogue and listen to those who speak.

Four: Unity in diversity is critical. Unity within the body of Christ is a high value in Scripture. Congregations are made up of different views, opinions, social and ethnic backgrounds but it is the Holy Spirit that binds us together as one. Each of us has the same Holy Spirit in his or her heart and that spirit is a spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,goodness, gentleness, and self control. If we live in His Spirit we can have differences and still remain united as one body. As Paul put it in Ephesians 4:3, "Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."

Five: Being able to disagree and stay in relationship is good Emotional Intelligence and demonstrates the work of the Holy Spirit. Each of us has preferences and opinions on many things in the church. What we want to be able to do is to state those positions but remain in fellowship and friendship with those who hold a differing position. This is not always easy but it is Biblical.

Six: By extension, marginalizing or demonizing those who disagree with us is bad Emotional Intelligence and does not reflect the Holy Spirit. It is one thing to disagree with someone. It is another to believe that they are bad people because they believe differently and to allow our differences to shatter our relationships, trust or to see them as evil. This does not reflect the will of the Holy Spirit.

Seven: Taking on the offense of others is foolish and wrong.My best friend has an issue with someone in the church so out of friendship I take up their offense and allow their issue to become my issue. This is foolish and wrong because I have allowed my friend to alienate me from others when I have no personal reason to do so. Nor can I resolve an issue that is not my issue. It happens in families and congregations and it contributes to greater conflict.

Eight: The church is the Bride of Christ and therefore we must display the attitude of Christ toward one another even when we differ from one another. The church is not like any other organization for it is the Bride of Jesus and His chosen instrument to reach the world. We of all people need to be His people in good times and in hard times. Paul writes in Philippians 2:4, "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." 

Nine: Forgiveness is often needed when we have conflict. We need not apologize for having differing views and perspectives but we do need to apologize when our words, attitudes or actions get the best of us and we say or do things that are not pleasing to God. I have often had to apologize in times of conflict. God is pleased when we keep short accounts and forgive those who need forgiveness and seek forgiveness when we need it.

Ten: Pray diligently! When we focus on ourselves we want to be right and win. When we focus on God we start to see those who differ with us in a different light and desire God to win. In prayer, our hearts are often softened and changed, our humility is increased and our desire for a Godly solution is heightened.

There will be conflict this side of heaven. Lets do all we can to handle it well.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Roger Goodell and why doing the right thing at the right time matters

A picture of Roger Goodell's press conference regarding Ray Rice

I have to admit that growing up in Hong Kong in the sixties did not translate into being a huge football fan. However, I have been watching this story with interest both from a leadership point of view on Roger Goodell's part and from a domestic violence point of view.

Roger Goodell is trying to keep his job after badly handling Ray Rice's abuse of his then fiancee. In July Goodell suspended running back Ray Rice for two games for knocking her out with a punch in an elevator. Then, when people responded in anger he announced a domestic violence policy punishment of six games and then banned Rice indefinitely. 

Unfortunately there have been many instances of domestic abuse in the NFL and the response from the league has been less than consistent. Goodell's handling of the Rice Affair, however, revealed both a failure of leadership and a terrible insensitivity toward one of society's largest problems, domestic abuse.

On the leadership side, one generally gets one chance to get it right in a crisis like Goodell faced. That is why wise leaders don't do what Goodell did and make a decision by themselves. They consult others. Further they think about who is impacted by their decision. It would seem that Goodell chose the economics of football over the hundreds of thousands of victims of domestic abuse who saw his two game suspension to be a farce. To make matters worse he compounded his leadership failure by a second and then third change of mind. He failed at a critical juncture of his leadership and probably should not keep his job.

On the subject of domestic abuse. What Goodell did reflects the deep insensitivity of many toward how men treat women in our world. Abuse is never, never OK and yet here it is treated as a trivial matter by a leader of one of the most well known sports leagues in America. How can that be in 2014? With a slap on the hand life (read football) was to go on as normal. Fortunately society said "no!" and forced him to change his mind. Even then he didn't get it and society said "no" again. No one gets a pass when they mistreat their spouse! People put pressure on sponsors who responded with pulling their promotions and finally forcing the league to take notice.

Goodell did not even get his press conference right, arriving fifteen minutes late and poorly trying to explain his actions. Leaders need to do the right thing at the right time and in cases like this you get one chance to get it right. 

My new book, Deep Influence: Unseen Practices That Will Revolutionize Your Leadership, is now available for pre-order on Amazon.

Praying for thieves….

17SE

Wise pastors always pay attention to these priorities

There are many things that can get a pastor into trouble but lets talk about some things that can help them stay out of trouble. Often when we do hit crisis points it is the lack of these investments that creates our largest problem.

Staying close to your board members. Healthy board relationships are all about spending enough time together (individually and corporately) that there is a reservoir of good will, understanding, empathy for one another and the ability to talk honestly with each other. All of that takes time. Wise leaders take the time to get to know their board members, listen carefully to them and develop a heart connection. This includes a pastoral component. A healthy senior leader is always a pastor to his board members. 

Staying connected to your staff and support staff. Influence comes from relationship. I am surprised at how many senior leaders do not invest time with their staff, sometimes even key staff - yet they want the loyalty of those same staff. Every investment in relationship is an investment in better understanding, the willingness of staff to go the second mile and a common mission. Senior leaders ignore their staff at their peril because when push comes to shove those who don't have relationship will often not have the support of those staff.

Staying close to Jesus. That may seem obvious but it is not. Many Christian leaders have a professional relationship with Jesus - they serve Him rather than an intimate relationship with Him where they stay with Him. Our spiritual lives are only as good as the last time we spent with our Savior so living in His presence  and living in His Scriptures are critical elements. The more time we spend with Him the more we start to look like Him. The less time we spend with Him the less we look like Him. 

Missional clarity. People need to know who we are and where we are going and how we are going to get there. Simple - yet often not articulated by senior leaders. In the absence of ministry clarity there are many definitions of clarity which leads to conflict and misunderstanding. People on separate pages cannot be on the same page and end up going different directions. Unless a senior leader facilitates a clear and common direction in collaboration with his board and staff multiple directions emerge which eventually comes back to hurt the senior leader.

Loving people. While senior leaders cannot be the single shepherd, it must be known to the board, staff and congregation that they truly love those they serve. People will forgive a lot if they are loved. If they don't feel loved and cared for they are less likely to overlook those things that irritate them. Oh yes! Loving people reflects the heart of Jesus. The priority is not programs but people and their transformation into His image. That love and concern needs to extend to every generation in the congregation, not just our own generation.

Spiritual transformation.
What spells success? It is really pretty simple: More believes and better believers. It is the spiritual transformation of individuals from being a seeker, to a believer and from a believer to a Christ centered life. Pastors who take their eyes off of this central mission of the church allow the peripheral to cloud out the central.

Emotional and relational health. Poor EQ gets in the way of pastors more than anything else. Wise pastors pay a great deal of attention to their own emotional and relational growth so that they become skilled at negotiating relationships, resolving conflict, working synergistically with staff and board and living with transparency and non-defensiveness.

Wise pastors pay close attention to each of these priorities.

My new book, Deep Influence: Unseen Practices That Will Revolutionize Your Leadership, is now available for pre-order on Amazon.

8 reasons in my experience that churches experience major conflict

1. Churches are like families and all families face tensions at one time or another. When my immediate family gets together for a reunion from my parents on down there are over 100 present. No family makes it through without disagreements, bad feelings from time to time or irritations. Churches are nothing more than an amalgamation of families and it is only the Holy Spirit that allows most congregants to do well with one another when you consider the different backgrounds, social levels, political views and ethnic groups that make up the average church. By definition then, all churches will have conflict.

2.  Bad Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is a significant factor in church conflict. The inability to control our emotions, anger and words all contribute to the heightening of conflict rather than the de-escalation of conflict. The lower the combined EQ of the congregation the more likely that conflict will escalate and that behaviors will get out of hand and inflame the situation. In congregations with good EQ, there is a recognition that our behaviors, words and attitudes must be kept in check so that rational conversations can take place, hopefully leading to greater understanding.

3. Personal agendas from people who have influence. Personal agendas in the church are problematic for two reasons. First, the agenda for any congregation is already set by Jesus, the Lord of the Church and understanding His agenda is the role of church leaders. Second, anytime an individual seeks to impose their agenda on the church they have violated the principle of leadership by a plurality of Godly leaders. No one gets their way in the church except Jesus. Trying to impose our will will inevitably lead to conflict with those who do not agree with our agenda.

4. Leaders who do not run good process in change management. Change without a good process that allows people to understand, buy in and be a part of the process will create conflict. In one church I attended, there was an executive decision to cancel all ABF groups which disenfranchised and angered many who found them to be helpful and important to their spiritual growth. Whether the decision was the right one is not the issue. The lack of process inflamed emotions and led to larger conflict within the church. When church leaders do not pay attention to bringing people with them (process) they will incur the wrath of those who feel that their church was stolen from them.

5. Senior pastors who are dysfunctional and lack wisdom, discernment and Emotional Intelligence. These may be brilliant preachers and teachers but the deficits noted above will eventually create significant conflict as they disempower people, marginalize those who do not agree with them, and treat people poorly. Eventually the pile of bodies behind them is significant enough that people start to pay attention and the dysfunction creates chaos which in turn fuels conflict. Lack of wisdom in change, in how we treat people, in running process all contributes to eventual conflict.

6. Lack of clarity. In the absence of clarity (who are we? where are we going? what is our preferred culture? What are our non-negotiables?), people create their own clarity and vision for the church. Soon you have multiple visions for the church and ultimately those visions will collide and create significant conflict over who we are and where we are going. Being everything to everyone will end up with conflict.

7. Poor leadership from leadership boards. In most church conflict I ultimately hold elected leaders responsible either for ignoring the symptoms above or for not handling the conflict well. Boards that allow senior leaders to mistreat staff or congregants, who don't help the church get to clarity, who ignore known issues that become larger issues that blow up, who don't insist on good change processes or who don't listen to the congregation all provide kindling for eventual conflict. Healthy boards pay attention, ask the hard questions, remain united and provide directional clarity for the church. The better your board the less likely that conflict will get out of hand.

8. Lack of leadership from the senior leader or his team. In the absence of leadership, someone will step into the leadership vacuum, sometimes multiple individuals will. Passive senior leaders (If I just preach everything will be OK) often lay the groundwork for conflict through their passivity. Under passive leaders, staff is without direction, dysfunctional leadership paradigms arise and and the congregation wanders like Moses and the Israelites in the desert. Both controlling leadership and passive leadership can easily lead to conflict.

You may not have conflict at present but if any of the eight issues above apply to your congregation you may want to pay attention as they can be antecedents to trouble down the line. If you suffer from several of these issues your chances of conflict go up significantly.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Theological arrogance, humility and gracious respect

It is often hard for us to understand that others in our congregations can have a theological grid that is different than ours. And we hold our theological convictions very closely so when others have significant differences it is difficult for many individuals to graciously respect those views.

I am not talking about views that are outside the definitions of orthodoxy as expressed by the historic creeds of the church. Evangelicals are generally bound by those orthodox beliefs and I am assuming that in these comments.

The truth is, however, that within the bounds of orthodoxy there is a great deal of latitude for differences in theology. This is seen in the reformed vs the non-reformed as an example. Or in covenant theology vs. dispensational theology. And within each camp are those who are more strident than others. So, within the reformed camp there are individuals whose theology is moderately reformed, very reformed and ultra reformed.

When these views are held with humility it does not bring division to God's people. After all, if even the great scholars of theology cannot agree on these matters why should we assume that our version is the truth and that others are untrue? The study of theology ought to engender great humility as it is not possible to plumb the depths of God - we will be doing that for all eternity. Humility understands that we see through a glass darkly this side of eternity and that while some matters are crystal clear many nuances of our theology are not and must be held with humility.

It is theological arrogance that creates division in the church. It is holding so hard to positions that are not central to the faith but are part of our theological grid which we believe and expect others to believe as well. Most people do not understand how their views on many theological issues are determined by their own theological grid that assumes certain matters. Is it possible that none of our grids are completely right as they are simply human attempts to systematize theology. Thus if my grid is rigidly dispensational I may not believe that all the gifts of the Holy Spirit are available today. If my grid is otherwise I won't understand why people don't see them as operative today. Very much is dependent on our presuppositions and the grids we were raised with or have adopted.

One of the great needs among believers is to spend more time studying the Scriptures than reading about the Scriptures. The more I am immersed in His Word, the less I am captive to a theological grid about the Word. We have our theological gurus who are a gift to the church but if their truth supersedes my own study of the Scriptures I have made a grave error. Equally when I take shots at those whose interpretation is different than mine on minor issues of theology I have made a grave error. Theological arrogance is a sad commentary for believers as none of will find that we understood perfectly when we see Jesus. 

All of us should be clear on the key issues of orthodoxy because the Scriptures are clear on them. The church has historically guarded these fences very well. On the non essentials of orthodoxy the Scriptures are less definitive which is why believers differ. Here our posture needs to be one of humility and gracious respect. And certainly these should not be divisive within local churches. 

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

When churches need to reconcile with staff and members who have been treated badly

Dysfunctional church leaders, elders or senior pastors hurt people and many of those folks quietly move on to deal with their pain in a healthier place. The wound inflicted, however, is the responsibility of church leadership who allowed people to be hurt and mistreated. In one church I worked with, it included almost every staff member who had resigned over a fifteen year period. In other churches it has been lay leaders who were marginalized and mistreated by senior pastors who were threatened by the leadership of others. In essence they moved out anyone who they perceived to be a threat.

Reconciliation means that we seek to make things right where we suspect that they are wrong. Sometimes leaders must apologize on behalf of those who went before them or for a senior leader who is no longer there. But to leave those relationships scarred is both sinful and the opposite of what Jesus would do. To the extend that we need to humble ourselves and apologize that is what we must do if we are in church leadership.

It saddens me that church leaders who are responsible for creating cultures of wholeness and health often inflict wounds on others or ignore those who do. Instead of a place of healing, many churches are places of hurt. The way out of that behavior is to take responsibility for past hurts that we know of and to seek meetings whether those individuals are still in the church or not. Often, we figure that if they no longer attend it no longer matters. To the contrary, they may well no longer attend because of wounds we have inflicted. 

I have interviewed scores of deeply wounded former staff who were let go and abused by dysfunctional pastors. It will take years for them to heal from a wound inflicted by a bad shepherd. I have also encountered and interviewed many former church leaders or members who were treated badly by church leadership and quietly left their church. Again with deep wounds. 

What is the responsibility of church leadership to address those wounds? I suspect that there will be readers of this blog who long to hear words of apology for wounds inflicted on them. Most will never hear them but I pray many do. If we as leaders will not seek reconciliation where we need to, how can we expect those in our congregations to heed our teaching on the matter?

One church I know made a list of 30 plus cases they knew of and systematically worked to get meetings of reconciliation. It was amazing how many old wounds still raw were healed in that process. I know of churches whose list would be even longer but that means the healing will be that much greater. 

As a church leader, you are responsible to seek healing for those who have been wounded by leadership in your congregation whether it happened on your watch or not. Our willingness to do so is a matter of our humility and whether we have hearts like Jesus.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Heresy hunters in the church

The rise of the internet has flattened the information age and made access to opinions, facts and fallacies equally easy. This has been a bonus for professional heresy hunters who are quick to judge the theology of individuals, churches and movements through their particular lens and set of theological grids (often exceedingly narrow).

Now there are individuals and groups with bad theology out there, or let's say terrible theology. It is theology that seems to bear no resemblance to what one reads in the Scriptures. But there are many others who are attacked not because their theology falls outside the bounds of the broad tent of evangelicalism (defined by the Gospel or the historic creeds of the church) but because their theology does not meet the narrow definitions of some self appointed critic. 

Those critics are numerous and their definitions are often exceedingly narrow. They sweep up well known Christian leaders and movements in their heresy hunting vacuum. Not only that but those who read, listen to or affiliate with the accused are equally suspect for they too must be heretical by association. My own denomination, a solid evangelical movement has been the target of a number of these hunters over the years (EFCA). 

There are also those who get caught up in the charges of these heresy hunters and are self appointed hunters in their own congregations to keep the body pure and to root out heresy. What usually occurs is that they create unnecessary division and confusion instead.

When I meet those who accuse others of heresy based on what they have read or heard on the internet my first question is this: Have they listened to or read the individual being accused or have they simply relied on the analysis of a third party who accusing?

My second question is this: If I disagree with something this individual said, does that make it heresy or does it mean that my own theological grid is different. Armenians, Calvinists, cessationists, non-cessationists, complimentarians and egalitarians, to name just a few major differences among evangelicals are all orthodox, but they also disagree with one another's theology. So there are many things we can disagree on within the definition of orthodoxy.

There are things great theologians of our own day say or write that I don't agree with but it does not mean they are not orthodox. And I will defend their right to their position within the broad definition of orthodoxy. I am sure that after writing several thousand blogs there are things my readers might not agree with but would not charge me with heresy. (Perhaps I should brace myself).

My third question is: Do I really want to create division over differences in theological positions in the name of Jesus? All of us have our theological preferences. But theology within the broad creeds of the church was never meant to divide but to unite us under the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I have a right to my preferences and others do to theirs but there are many admonitions in Scripture not to divide the flock (just read 1st and 2nd Timothy). 

When I label as wrong or heresy positions that simply don't agree with mine I am often a guilty party in creating unnecessary division within the church. Interestingly enough, obviously heretical theology, creating division and ongoing egregious sin are the three wolves that church leaders are tasked to guard the flock against. Sometimes the professional heresy hunters are the threat to the church rather than the supposed heresy they are hunting. 

In one final irony, much of the so called heresy hunters focus on the role that the Holy Spirit does or does not play in our lives and how He does or does not manifest Himself. The doctrine of the Holy Spirit and how He works is very much a matter of our theological grids and presuppositions. But, is it possible that we are actually setting ourselves up against God Himself if we are not careful on this one? It would be very sad to find out one day that we were guilty of quenching the Holy Spirit because we made assumptions that were not accurate - and called it heresy!

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Want to know how your staff is doing? Try asking these questions

I meet a lot of ministry staff who feel disempowered in their jobs. Often, those above them don't know what those issues are that bring down the happiness factor of their team because they don't ask the important questions that would uncover issues and make the workplace happier and more effective. Try asking these questions of your staff in a safe (maybe anonymous way). What you are looking for are themes. 

Is your assignment clear?

Are you empowered to do your job?

Do you have what you need to do your job well?

Does your supervisor coach and help you or micromanage and control you? Explain.

Does your supervisor give you helpful feedback on a regular basis?

If there was one thing that you wish were different and that would allow you to do your job better, what would it be?

What practices in your work environment disempower and discourage you?

Are you regularly encouraged to grow and learn? 

Do you have to ask permission to do things that you feel you should not need permission to do?

Is there anyone in your group who causes regular negative issues for others? If so, explain.

What do you think those above you need to know about your work environment?

If you were in charge what would you do differently?

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Seven things to understand about church conflict

Anyone who is in church leadership for very long, either as staff or board members will experience church conflict. Unfortunately the unity Jesus prayed for in John 17 and which Paul asked for in Ephesians 4 is often missing in the church. We live in a fallen world and fallen people have a hard time getting along. 

As a veteran of helping churches negotiate through and out of conflict there are seven things that one needs to keep in mind when it happens.

First, the presenting issues are very often not the real issues. This may be counter-intuitive but it is true. Often in trying to negotiate conflict staff and  boards take what is said by an opposing side as the truth. Often, the real issues are hidden behind the presenting issues and one should not assume that the presenting issues are the real issues. It can take a skilled individual to ferret out what the real issues are an until one can identify what the actual concerns are it is not possible to resolve the conflict.

Second, some involved have no first hand knowledge of what the real issues are but have taken up the offense of others.Often, friends and relatives of those who are unhappy will be caught up in conflict even though it is not their issue and sometimes without even knowing what the underlying issues are. This is one of the things that makes church conflict so confusing. Some people are just caught up on either side because they identify with other people but don't really have a stake in the issues.

Third, truth often becomes a victim of emotion. In the midst of church conflict a lot of words are written and spoken that are often not accurate but they are taken as truth. One person says something which gets repeated as truth when in truth it is not at all true. Emotions are stronger than rational thinking in many instances and those emotions often get in the way of truth. It is sad. When I was the target of disgruntled people many years ago, much of what they said was blatantly false. But in the heat of emotion, it was taken by their friends as truth.

Fourth, some individuals are unable to modify their positions even in the face of irrefutable evidence. This is the result of emotions taking precedence over truth. Once a position is taken in the heat of emotion many individuals are not able or willing to modify that position even when presented with evidence to the contrary. This is one of the reasons that conflict cannot always be resolved in a win/win scenario. When entrenched opinions and emotions do not allow individuals to respond to evidence to the contrary there is little hope of those individuals ever seeing the situation differently than they do.

Fifth, it is not always possible to satisfy everyone. This goes back to what I have already said. This side of heaven some conflicts will not get resolved either because two sides are so far apart, or because logic is lost in emotion or because individuals who have become entrenched in a position are unwilling to move. Sometimes in order to resolve conflict individuals need to say they are either sorry or were wrong. Some will never go there.

Sixth, the longer the conflict remains unresolved the more that truth gets lost. Conflict thrives on rumor, assumptions about motives, emotional triangles and the demonization of those who we disagree with. The longer the conflict remains unresolved, that these poisonous issues flourish and the messier it gets to clean up. Sometimes after a long period of conflict the two sides don't even know what started it all. All they know is that they no longer like each other or want to work with each other.

Seven, conflict flourishes in darkness but not in the light of day. One thing I have learned about conflict is that once brought into the light so that everyone in the congregation is informed of what is going on, things become resolved far faster than when the issues are kept in the back room. We are often fearful of just telling God's people what is going on and what the positions are. Yet, the sooner that is done the less harm comes to the body as a whole. If we believe that each individual has the Holy Spirit within them, we then need to trust that if the congregation knows what is going on they will make decisions that are best for the body as a whole. I always suggest transparency over secretiveness.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

If it doesn't stick it's not vision - the six descriptors of good vision

Vision is what we ask God for in faith as opposed to mission which answers the question of why we exist. There are six descriptors of good vision.

First, it is a God sized ask. If we can accomplish it by ourselves it is not vision. Vision requires God's direct involvement and requires faith.

Second, it engenders enthusiasm. It resonates with those in our ministry to pray for and work toward a goal that we can all get excited about.

Third, it is simple and clear. It does not require a lot of explanation and can be instantly understood. Complicated vision is not vision because it will not stick.

Fourth, it does not need to be fully quantifiable. Remember, it is a big, faith ask. One should be able to show examples of that vision being accomplished but it need not be about counting and keeping score.

Fifth, it mobilizes people in a common direction. That is what vision does. Good vision encourages people toward common God sized goals.

Sixth, it sticks. If you share "vision" and it does not stick it's not vision.

In ReachGlobal we are praying that God would raise up one million disciplemakers to allow us to impact 100 million people with the Gospel and see 100 Acts 19 locations where the Gospel penetrates whole cities or regions rather than just a neighborhood.

That is our vision. What is yours?

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Why it's so easy for leaders to fake it - from Francis Chan

Francis Chan: Why It's So 

Easy for Leaders to Fake It

If you are serious about authentic leadership, my book Deep Influence: Unseen Practices That Will Revolutionize Your Leadership is now available for pre-order on Amazon. It directly addresses the issues Francis Chan talks about.

When pastors fail at this they severely jeopardize their ministry

One of the most dangerous things a pastor can do is to ignore their staff, mistreat them or allow for a less than healthy culture to develop at the staff level. One may get away with this for a period of time but ultimately it will often destroy everything that one has worked hard to build.

On one end of the spectrum are those pastors who simply take their staff for granted and do not intentionally pastor their own pastors. Staff notice when their leader pays attention to others but not to them and it is disempowering and discouraging. Further, it is dangerous to the senior leader because when push comes to shove it is staff who are closely connected to their leader who will support that leader. The more distant the relationship is the less likely it is that staff will stand by their leader when he really needs them.

Then there are leaders (and I have met my share of them) who either mistreat staff or allow toxic cultures to develop at the staff level. I have worked with churches where the senior pastor verbally mistreated staff, allowed their anger to erupt regularly, regularly interfered with staff responsibilities, fired staff without due process or good cause, marginalized those who disagreed with them and even got rid of staff whose (orthodox) theology did not agree with their own theological proclivities. 

And in case one were to think that this only happens in small churches, it does not. One can have churches in the thousands and still this happens at the staff level.

Obviously the behaviors I identified above are dysfunctional but unfortunately they are not rare. What often intrigues me is how long this dysfunctionality can be hidden from the congregation, which it often is as staff are reluctant to share their issues with the congregation at large - generally a good thing. 

However, there usually comes a breaking point where the dysfunction on staff does spill over to the congregation and when it does it can be very ugly. Because I often get called in the aftermath of such spillage I can attest to the pain it causes staff members and congregants. Often, the senior leaders involved lose their ministry in that church but unfortunately often go on to repeat the behaviors in another church and with another staff.

I have several suggestions for church leaders and senior pastors. First, if you are a senior pastor the most important responsibility you have is to ensure that you have a healthy board and healthy staff because you cannot have a healthy church without health at these two levels. That means that these two groups become one of your highest priorities. Talk of transformation is cheap if there is not transformation at these two levels.

Second, church leaders should have a way to monitor the health of the staff team. Whenever I have had to help clean up messes left by senior leaders the board should have known the issues but either chose not to pay attention to them or simply took the word of their senior leader that all was well. Trust but verify!

Third, if there is significant dysfunction at the staff level, get help for your staff and your senior leader. For the senior leader it may be coaching or training in the building of healthy and aligned teams. For the staff it will mean that you listen and help them move toward health. If you cannot do so with your senior leader then that must be addressed because you cannot have a healthy church without a healthy staff.

There is no greater irony than to talk of transformation when the core leaders of the church, your staff live in toxicity. It is wrong and it will eventually jeopardize the health of the church and the ability of the senior pastor to lead. Don't allow it to happen and if it is, deal with it seriously. The current implosion at Mars Hill in Seattle is a significant lesson in ignoring an unhealthy staff culture. No one gets a free pass on this issue!

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.