A story stranger than fiction

No story is better known. No story better captures the heart of a child - small or grown - than the one we celebrate today. No matter how many times we hear the story it never grows old, it never disappoints, never ceases to evoke deep emotions of wonder, awe and comfort. An angel’s proclamation to illiterate shepherds, a teenage unwed mother, a loyal carpenter fiancee, the evil king Herod, a cold, clear, Bethlehem night without a place to stay. A messy birth in an animal’s stall, alongside a dirty alley in the dark of night. Confused cows watching unknowing as the Son of the universe stares back unknowing at the very animals He had created eons before. A mother, a child, a carpenter, a few agitated animals and the pungent smell of manure.

This is a story so absurd that it could only have been scripted by a Divine hand. No other writer would have attempted such a script. If they had they would not have claimed it to be true: fiction maybe, but not reality. This is not how the One whose voice had echoed off of a billion galaxies would make His entrance. Without CNN and Fox News, into a hovel known affectionately today as Bethlehem but then nothing more than a tiny village on the path to Jerusalem. 

His entrance was marked not by a proclamation to kings but to astonished herdsmen sleeping with sheep. The heavens opened with ten thousand voices – not over Jerusalem the ancient capital – but over a tiny grazing field for a handful of insignificant shepherds. They would be the only witnesses of the grand entrance of a King. No other writer would have written such a script. 

No other author would have taken such a chance. For behind this story there are echoes of another story - equally incredulous. Centuries before in the vastness of eternity past – when infinity kissed infinity, The Master of Infinity spoke into being the universe in which we live - 3,000 of whose stars are visible to the careful eye, 30 billion visible from a large telescope, - the other 90% of the universe still hidden from our eyes. Its splendor an eternal testimony to the Author of the story.

Immortal, invisible, God only wise,
In light inaccessible hid from our eyes,
Most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,
Almighty, victorious, Thy great name we praise.

Great Father of glory, pure Father of light,
Thine angels adore thee, all veiling their sight;
All praise we would render: O help us to see
Tis only the splendor of light hideth Thee.
(Walter Chalmers Smith)

The Author’s heart was restless still, lonely in His perfection. A heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longed to give away infinite love. Again the Author spoke: A planet was expertly crafted. One among billions. A people wonderfully created – in the image of the Author. Free to love, free to experience the infinite goodness of the Author. Free to revel in His infinite Love. But above all free. Love cannot be forced and remain love.

We are not the sole owners of broken hearts. No heart suffered such sorrow as Infinite Love rejected. Image bearers rejected the Image Maker. The story’s characters fired the Author to write their own script. Unmatched, searing pain pierced the Author’s heart as the loved jilted the Lover. 

Chaos infiltrated beauty. A planet was hijacked and spun out of control. Poverty of spirit supplanted endless joy. Unfulfilled hearts realized the pain of lost love. Without the Author, individual story lines faltered – and failed. Sadness reigned. Darkness descended in seeming endless gloom.

Truth can be stranger than fiction. For in the pained heavens the grieving Author plotted love’s revenge. An awesome revenge that only Divinity could contrive – that only Divinity would contrive. Having lost His loved, the Lover would send His most loved to reclaim His heart’s desire. The rejected Creator would kiss the unfaithful created. Tender mercy in place of deserved destruction. An astonished heaven broke into unbelieving applause. Image bearers would be reclaimed by the Image Maker. Light would once again prevail over darkness. Brokenness would be made whole. Peace would triumph over chaos.

All was silent in the heavens on the chosen night. Angels held their corporate breath. For nine months the Son had been absent, resident in a young girls womb, coming to us not as a king but incognito, just one of thousands of children that would be born on a lonely planet that night – into the darkness that our word had become. Placenta covered the Son of the universe arriving to claim back His beloved: this time, one by one, heart by heart. Tender mercy arriving in disguise: one of us, one like us. On that night, the Author personally entered our story. 

Such humility our world has never known. A stunning reversal for a world gone astray. A Heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longing to give away infinite love, arriving under cover of night in order to “shine on those living in darkness…to guide our feet into the path of peace.” (Luke 1:27).

When an author writes, each character is unique; each has his or her own story-line. We, each have a story – unique, unrepeated, singular. Each story has its own joy, its own pain, its own pathos and unmatched quality. But each shares one singular, astonishing feature. We are made in the Author’s image, and He will not rest until we have invited Him to join in our story. 

More astonishing than the script He has authored, the story we celebrate today is that He also wants to enter into your story. This is the most ancient of stories but it is also the most contemporary of stories. The Christmas story is but one chapter in the Author’s divine script. The Author is still writing. And every person who invites Him into their story becomes a separate and unique chapter in His unfinished book. And into each story He brings His light and peace. 

“For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.” (John 3:16-17.)

Have you invited Him into your story?

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

What are the things a leader needs to communicate to his people to ensure that he is getting the truth

Without truth from others, a leader is left only with his/her assumptions or perceptions and that is a dangerous place to be. So how does a leader ensure that their staff and friends tell them the truth? It is an important question that has huge ramifications. What we don't know will hurt us. What we do know can help us - if we pay attention!

Leaders either encourage or discourage their staff from sharing truth with them. On the negative side, they discourage the truth by sending messages that "You should not go there," or, it is not safe to talk about these things because if you do your leader becomes defensive. Truth is an important commodity that can either be mined or easily ignored.

How do we encourage truth? First, we encourage "robust dialogue" where we tell our team that any issue can be put on the table with the exception of personal attacks or hidden agendas. Second, when people share openly, we as leaders respond with a non-defensive attitude that conveys "I have nothing to prove and nothing to lose." It is the attitude and reaction of leaders that either encourages or discourages honest and candid dialogue among a team.

Leaders can also ask critical questions such as "Is there anything I do that you wish I would do differently," or, "If there was one thing that you wish I did differently, what would it be?" designed to help mine for truth. Ironically, many leaders are afraid of truth when truth is their largest gift. I may or may not agree with what is shared but I would certainly desire to know what people think than not. 

Leaders set the standard for how candid their staff can be with them. I have worked for leaders who did not want honesty and those who did and I will not work for those who don't ever again. As a leader I want to know what people are thinking, what suggestions they have and what their perceptions are. Without that I cannot lead well. I don't have to like what I hear to appreciate it deeply. My expectation is that my staff will tell me the truth whether it hurts or not. Those who don't are the poorer for it.

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Bringing a word of hope this Christmas to those who need it

I love Christmas. But there are many whose circumstances do not make this season a happy one. I think of the parents of children who are suffering from cancer and trying to get through each day. I think of those who lost a loved one this year and face Christmas for the first time without them. A friend who has cancer and is on her deathbed. Others who are lonely and wishing that the hope of Christmas was theirs when it is not.

One of the greatest gifts we can give this Christmas season is a word or touch of hope to those who need it. A well chosen word that fits their situation and is sensitive to their needs. After all, Christmas is ultimately about giving hope as Emmanuel did to us and continues to do. Whatever our circumstance, let's not forget those who are struggling this week, who are not as happy as we may be. Give a gift - of love and hope.

Hijacked churches

I believe that leaders are called to lead at specific times in the history of a church. And, that their unique abilities and vision is critical to the next chapter of a congregations success. However, I have also watched with concern a phenomenon of new leaders coming into a church and essentially hijacking it for their own purposes. What are the signs of a church hijack?

One. There is a criticism of the past as if nothing good came out of it. The new leader/pastor talks about the future and implicitly or explicitly denigrates the past. This forgets that those who gave their energy, money and talent in the past made the church what it is today and provided the platform for a new leader to build on the past. Every leader stands on the shoulders of those who led in in the past unless they start something new. And the people who are there when they come are God's flock.

Two. The new leader does not ask and take into account the vision and dreams of the leadership or congregation but rather inserts their dreams as the vision for the future. When we come into a new church as a new leader we do not come into a vacuum. We come into a congregation with a history and a vision, whether vague or focused. It is critical that we take that vision into account and not simply impose our own vision as if the past does not exist.

Three. Being willing to see many people leave so that a new leader can achieve their dreams. I have watched new pastors see hundreds of people leave the church because they have imposed their agenda on it without being at all concerned about the views and concerns of those who leave. It is as if they are willing to sacrifice the past to achieve their vision of the future. As a change agent I fully understand that some people leave when a new leader or vision comes but when significant people leave it is more about the agenda of the new leader than a shared vision for the church.

Four. Marginalizing current staff. Again, there is no question that a new leader needs to build their own team. However, when it comes at the expense of qualified and good staff who have served well it probably indicates that the new leader is anxious to get rid of the past and put their own stamp on the future. It is often a sign of their insecurity rather than security.

Five. Imposing a new vision that is unnecessarily a break from the past. Good leaders don't move faster than their constituency can follow and they honor and give value to those who are there. Sometimes it takes time to get to where we want to go. Jesus never marginalized people in the pursuit of His mission other than the Pharisees. 

Six. Not listening to the concerns of the current constituency. This is one of the key indicators of a leader who is hijacking a ministry for their own purposes. When there is not a concern for the vision, concerns, ideas and issues raised by those who have come before there is an arrogant rather than humble attitude of leadership. And, it usually results in divided, wounded and conflicted congregations because of the agenda of a new leader who does not choose to take into account what has come before them.

When leaders hijack a church, they leave a trail of wounded bodies and hearts behind them. Because it is God's church, many leave or suffer quietly but it does not excuse those who deliver that pain or lack of sensitivity. It is very sad when it happens and often results in deeply wounded congregations. I have a very hard time reconciling this behavior with the values of Jesus and how he treated people - His flock. It also seems to violate the advice Peter gave to under-shepherds in 1 Peter 5.  The question is whether it is ultimately more about them then about Jesus and His flock. Ministry platforms can and are used for personal agendas all the time. Unfortunately!

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

The Painful lessons of Mars Hill from Leadership Journal

The Painful Lessons of Mars Hill

What can we learn from the collapse of Mark Driscoll's church?

The gift of clarity and the confusion when clarity is absent

"I don't know where we are going" is a common theme in churches and organizations that I work with. Often leaders don't even know the frustration is there because they have an idea in their own mind where the organization is going. Unfortunately in many cases, they have not found a way to communicate that message clearly to those they lead and it is deeply frustrating to their constituency.

Ambiguity around direction and clarity creates uncertainty in organizations and that uncertainty leads to anxiety which often spills out in dysfunctional ways. People simply don't want uncertainty and staff and volunteers want to know how their contribution contributes to a direction and a cause.

Equally frustrating are leaders who give conflicting signals as to where they are going. This leaves staff and constituents confused. Often this happens when leaders really don't know their direction and cast around looking for the "right thing." 

The best leaders give their staff and constituency a great gift: Clarity. This is where we are going and this is how we are going to get there and this is the consistent message every day, every month and every year. It is like having a GPS with the end goal in site even though we are on a journey and cannot see the destination now. 

If you lead an organization or team, how clear are you on where you are going and how clear are your staff? Do not assume that they are clear because you think you are. They may or may not be. I know because I talk to many staff who say to me, "I don't know where we are going."

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount per book on orders of ten or more.

Interview with Leary Gates regarding my new book Deep Influence

Check out this podcast with Leary Gates regarding my new book Deep Influence. Take some time to think deeply!

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount per book on orders of ten or more.

Four keys to restoring trust when it has been broken by leaders

All leaders make mistakes and sometimes those errors in judgement significantly erode their leadership capital - as well as the leadership capital of those around them. I often work with churches where leaders (pastoral or boards) have either neglected issues they should have paid attention to, allowed staff toxicity to exist, made decisions that were widely unpopular, let a staff member go without due process and the list could go on. No leader is exempt from actions, decisions or words that causes a break in trust with those they lead. The question is, how does one restore trust when it has been broken?

The answer is fairly simple but not easy. Not easy because it requires us as leaders to humble ourselves, admit we missed the mark and are willing to make it right. That is a tough thing for a leader to do. We want to be seen as strong and right. And this requires us to admit that we are often weak and wrong. It is a humbling process but without that process trust will not be rebuilt. Nor will we grow. Here are the four keys.

One. We must admit our error - personally. If we screwed up, it is not a secret among those we lead.   No matter what we do in the aftermath of broken trust, unless and until we personally say we were wrong and want to make it right we will not even begin to rebuild trust. I have seen leaders change course in the midst of pressure but until they admit they were wrong (a hard thing to do) they continue to lose points with those they lead. A heartfelt apology, however, goes a long way.

Two. We need to listen to hard feedback. I remember a situation in my own leadership where I had to take responsibility for something that became a mess. Not only did I need to take responsibility but I then had to listen to some hard things from people who were upset by decisions that had been made. These were not easy conversations and I had to listen with a humble heart. What it did, however, was to begin to rebuild trust with people who were extremely unhappy and it made a huge difference. Leaders are not exempt from hearing hard things and until we are willing to do that it is very difficult to rebuild trust.

Three. We need to tell the truth. It can be exceptionally hard for leaders to simply say, "I was wrong," "this is what I was thinking," "this is why I did what I did," and simply explain why they did what they did. All too often in Christian circles we try to spin the story so that we look OK or better than we are. Here is the truth, our people know that we were wrong and they don't buy the spin. In fact, spinning the truth in any way causes us to lose additional points rather than to rebuild trust. Spin may help us to feel better but it erodes rather than rebuilds trust. 

Let's be honest here. Spin is an attempt to protect our reputations but it is both dishonest and untruthful. God is a God of truth, not lies and the sad thing is that when we try to spin we are not only lying to others but to ourselves. We deplore it when it happens in Washington DC and we ought to deplore it when it happens in Christian ministries. The way forward is to be truthful and candid and honest even when it is a humbling experience to us.

Four. When we have messed up we need to take a posture of humility. It is what we teach and preach to others and it applies to us as leaders as well. People respond well to humility and they spot pride a mile away. All three of the previous keys to restoring trust require true humility. There is no other way to restore broken trust. It is a "nothing to prove and nothing to lose" attitude that models what we want other to live. When we are wrong, we need to live that humility ourselves.

Trust can be rebuilt when it is broken but it will not be without these four practices.

Ten lessons from the Life of Moses on the heart of leadership

Moses is one of the greatest Old Testament leaders but too little attention is paid to how he got to the point where God could use him to do great things. If one looks at his life from age 40 to 80 there are ten instructive lessons that ought to inform our own lives as we think about leadership.

1. God is always on time but is never in a hurry. Think about this. When Moses was 40 he thought that he was something and God could not use him. When he was eighty he thought he was not much and God was ready to use him. It took forty years to perfect what God needed to do in Moses heart before he took on his God assignment. God is always on time but He is never in a hurry. He wants us to be ready above all things.

2. In God's work the heart always comes before leadership. At forty, Moses' heart was not ready for his God assignment. At eighty it was. What do you suppose God did in Moses heart for the forty years he was a shepherd for his father in law? He had forty years to spend time with his father, to live in his presence and the proof of this is the humility that Moses exhibited at eighty that was absent at forty. It took that time for Moses to have the heart material that God could use.

3. Hardship is inherent in the process. Our growth as leadership material does not come easily. It comes hard. It came in Moses' life by needing to run from his adopted father, give up a life of privilege and take up the humble life of a shepherd - as an alien in a foreign land for forty years. It is the humbling process that strips us of the dross that will keep us from being successful for God. It is not easy but it is necessary.

4. God's callings are holy callings. When God appeared to Moses at the burning bush the first thing He said was that Moses should take off his shoes for he was standing on holy ground. Holy because God was present and Holy because the assignment God was giving was a Holy assignment. All God assignments are Holy assignments wherever He places us. That is why we should take our calling and our vocation seriously, whatever it is.

5. God does not call us to do things we can do without Him. We should never be so cavalier as to think that we can do what God calls us to do on our own. Why would He call us to do anything we can do by ourselves? His assignments require His presence and His power and His wisdom. Moses got this which is why he repeatedly said "I am not qualified for the job." Of course he was not qualified and neither are we. God calls us to do those things that require His divine power and wisdom.

6. God reveals Himself to us as we answer His call. The first thing Moses had to do was to accept the fact that God was calling him and to say "yes" to that call. It was as he took a step of obedience that God continued to reveal himself and give Moses the resources he needed to lead the people out of Egypt. It was a "one step of obedience at a time leadership" which is what ours is as well. God did not show Moses the whole plan but He did prove Himself faithful as Moses chose to say yes.

7. False starts are often not failures. Moses had a massive false start. Was it a failure? I choose to think not. I believe it was simply one of the learning Moments that would prepare Moses for his big assignment. We should not be afraid of false starts in our leadership roles. God may simply be teaching us what we need to learn for the ultimate leadership role He wants us to play. Moses probably thought his false start was a failure. God probably saw it much differently.

8. God infuses what is in our hands for His divine purposes. It is a comical conversation that Moses had with God - especially because it mirrors our own inner conversations with God all too often. Moses says to God, how will the people know that I am from you when I go before Pharaoh? God says, "What is in your hand?" Moses says a staff, the most ordinary of instruments. God says throw it down and it became a snake and Moses ran from it....and the story goes on. God takes the most ordinary stuff that is in our hand or skill set and uses it for His divine purposes. We worry about what we have to carry out God's assignments. He does not. He simply takes what is in our hand and uses it for His purposes.

9. He does not call us to do it alone! Moses did not have all the skills that were necessary to carry out God's call and he knew it. Thus God provided Aaron to join his team and his father in law along the way to give him leadership advice. When God calls us he usually calls us to do things with others who have the skills we do not possess.

10.  We never arrive so our hearts need constant attention. Moses learned this in the journey of leading the people out of bondage and ultimately to the promised land. His own heart was tested time and again by those he led and the circumstances he found himself in. But he continued to nurture his heart and cry out to God for his presence and His power. It is all too easy to become complacent and careless, thinking we have arrived. That does not happen until we see Jesus face to face.

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Three keys to humility

Romans 12:3-8 gives us one of the best keys to understanding humility in our lives. This is especially critical for leaders whose leadership role can move them toward pride easily.

Humble Service in the Body of Christ

3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your[a] faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,[b] do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

The first key is knowing who I am: "Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you." Sober judgment is an important phrase as we are often tempted to think more of ourselves than we should. When I was young I thought I was good at a lot of things. Today I know I am good at about three things and the rest of my portfolio are weaknesses.

The second key is knowing who I am not. This is actually as important as understanding who I am and what I am good at. Jesus chose to give each of us specific gifts and the fact that we have a few and not many should actually engender significant humility. I am always amazed at the things others can do that I cannot. It is a reminder that each of us play a limited role in the grand scheme of things. While I love the gifts God gave to me I also recognize how much I need others when I think of the gifting I do not have.

The third key is understanding who gave us our gifts and why. It is hard to be proud of myself when I realize that the abilities I have were given by God to be used for His purposes. If I take credit for gifts He gave I steal credit from Him. Rather than being proud, we can be deeply grateful that He gifted and wired us the way He did and that we can use all of that gifting for His purposes in the world.

We never need to trivialize the gifts God gave us which is false humility. I know that I am very good at three things. At the same time we cannot take credit for what He gave us. All of this ought to engender a deep sense of humility in our lives. 

Critical spirits and the Christian community

If there is one thing that I wish we could erase from the Christian community it is the spirit of criticism. I am not talking about raising legitimate concerns about issues or circumstances but about individuals who consistently stir the pot and whose default is to criticism rather than to encourage. Criticism is not a spiritual gift! In fact it is just the opposite - it emanates from a spirit of mistrust, pride and superiority.

A spirit of criticism is life taking rather than life giving and as such is not from the Father (John 10:10). It emanates from the lower nature. There are congregations that specialize in criticism and it holds them back from being all that they can be. There are individuals whose specialty is criticism and I for one don't want to have such on my staff or for that matter in my circle of friends. I prefer to rub shoulders with life giving individuals rather than life taking. The world is cruel enough and adding critical spirits to it is anything but edifying.

The book of Ephesians talks a lot about the kinds of attitudes and words that should characterize believers and none of them include a spirit of criticism. In fact, we are told that nothing should come out of our mouths that does not uplift those who we speak to. Something to consider.

Before we criticize we ought to ask ourselves these questions:

• Is this simply a preference for how I would do things?
• Will my comments encourage or discourage?
• What is it in me that creates a critical spirit?
• How would I feel if I had made this decision and was criticized for it? 
• How would Jesus approach this issue? Would he approach this issue?
• Do I really want to weigh in on this issue? The more critical we are the less we are heard. Does this raise to the level where it is really necessary for me to be critical?

Leaders are especially magnets for criticism. They make decisions and many love to second guess what those decisions should be. Board members or staff who have a spirit of criticism are the cause of much discouragement for leaders. For those who have such a gift of criticism I wish they could walk for a week in the shoes of a leader. It is easy to criticize. It is much more difficult to come up with real solutions.

Think of the fruit of the spirit. None of the characteristics include a spirit of criticism. We ought to be quick to encourage and slow to discourage. Criticism is the ultimate trigger for discouragement. Even when Jesus confronted sin he did so with great grace (the pharisees excepted). A spirit of criticism is not a spirit that comes from our Savior.

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Want to grow your staff or elder/leadership board?

Deep Influence, which will release on Jan 1, 2015 is an excellent resource for your staff and elder/leadership board. If you are a ministry leader these are twelve issues that you wish your staff and board understood. This book with its accompanying questions will help you grow yourself and those who work with you. The chapter titles are as follows :

Forged on the Inside

Choosing a Posture of Humility

Embracing Spiritual Transformation

Suffering and Leadership

Managing the Shadow Side

Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Leading from Who God Made Me to Be

Choosing Intentionality

Thinking Like a Contrarian

Living with the Freedom of Clarity 

Powerful Transparency

Guarding our Hearts

To order at the lowest price and with $2.00 per book discounts for ten or more you can order from the author's bookstore.

Some of the book's Endorsements

“We get formed from the outside in, but we lead from the
inside out. T. J. Addington explains this process with clarity and
conviction. In an age of superficiality, he will guide you to the
deeper places of influence and change.”
John C. Ortberg
Author, speaker, and senior pastor of Menlo Park Presbyterian
Church in Menlo Park, CA

“I’ve been a fan of T. J. Addington for a long time. I’m a wiser
and better leader because of his writings. But Deep Influence is
his most important contribution yet. Every young leader will
gain decades of leadership wisdom forged in the painful trenches
of reality. Veteran leaders will be inspired to finish strong.”
Gene Appel
Senior pastor of Eastside Christian Church in Anaheim, CA

“Any leader willing to offer his story authentically and invite
others to do the same is an author worth paying attention to.
T. J. is a man who has cultivated his inner life around the person
of Christ and allowed God to shape and reshape his heart, mind,
relationships, and priorities. He has led from a spiritual depth
and now is sharing his biblical and transformational insights
in Deep Influence. I’m delighted to encourage Christian leaders
to consider each chapter herein with prayerful seriousness and
godly attentiveness.”
Stephen A. Macchia
Founder and president of Leadership Transformations, director
of the Pierce Center at Gordon-Conwell Seminary, and author
of Becoming A Healthy Church and Crafting A Rule of Life


“My friend T. J. Addington is a wise leadership guru, and
Deep Influence is his most profound book on the subject! A
seasoned, reflective practitioner, T. J. masterfully tackles the most
challenging terrain of leadership—the inner life of the leader—
along with the empowering practices each leader must cultivate.
Few books effectively deal with leadership from the inside out.
This is one of the best!”
Edmund Chan
Leadership mentor at Covenant EFC and founder of
Global Alliance of Intentional Disciplemaking Churches

“As a wife, mother, and educator, I’ve been challenged and
reminded through this book of what it truly means to live an
authentic life in Christ. It begins with humility and honesty—
seeking the heart of God and living out all that He calls us to be.
It is through this personal relationship with Christ that we are
then able to be molded and crafted to become effective in our
leadership roles and to influence others. If your desire is to live
out your calling with great effectiveness as you reflect Christ to a
seeking world, Deep Influence is just the navigation you need!”
Melissa Larson
Adjunct professor of Biblical and Theological Studies at
University of Northwestern

“If you are not yet convinced that the most difficult challenge
you will face as a leader is in ‘self-leadership,’ then read Deep
Influence. My dear friend T. J. Addington sharpened his ministry
leadership out of the depths of life experience even as God
granted and grew him into a major leadership role for the global
church. Deepened by a vital spiritual relationship with God,
he enriches fellow leaders with practical wisdom toward deep influence for God’s purposes.”
Ramesh Richard, ThD, PhD
President of RREACH, professor at Dallas Seminary, and
founder of Trainers of Pastors International Coalition (TOPIC)

“Deep Influence is an invitation to listen to a seasoned leader’s
voice dripping with the life-giving wisdom of Jesus. The
practices in this book will lead to an exegesis of the heart and
guide the reader into the lifelong journey of allowing God to
mold ‘who we are,’ which informs ‘what we do.’”
Tom Smith
Pastor, husband, co founder of Rhythm of Life, and author
of Raw Spirituality: The Rhythms of the Jesus Life

“Deep Influence cuts to the core of leadership and returns
character to the central place it occupies in God’s eyes. I have
shelves full of books on leadership, but this one leaves you
knowing you can be better and lead better. It is significant
without being tedious, direct but not discouraging. Buy it, read
it, mark it up, and read it again. Addington ought to be on top
of the pile.”
David W. Hegg, DMin
Pastor, adjunct professor, and author of The Obedience Option

“Deep Influence, every chapter, was a deep dive into my
motives, methods, mind, mission calling, leadership style, and
relationships that brought me to a place of unexpected and
unconventional light, revealing a clear, fresh, exciting perspective
to press forward. T. J. humbly said it well—‘Depth matters’—
as he carefully and biblically aimed at my life through the person
of Jesus Christ and hit my inner target: the sanctum of my heart.
This book is a transparent, transformational leadership mirror
that leads to intentional joy and freedom. Ephesians 2:10 came
alive in me, and it will in you.”
Doug Fagerstrom, DMin
Senior vice president of Converge and author of The Ministry
Staff Member and The Volunteer

“With skill and clarity, T. J. Addington argues that leadership
is not about technique—it is about character. What matters
most is not how we lead but from what source we choose to lead.
Whether you are a ministry leader or a leader in the marketplace,
this book describes the practices that will enable you to lead
from the inside out. If you want to grow as a leader, this book
is a great place to start.”
George Davis, PhD
Senior pastor of Hershey Free Church in Hershey, PA

“Deep Influence draws an effective map for exploring the inner
life so often neglected by today’s image-conscious leader. T. J.’s
emphasis on personal integrity, authenticity, and emotional
intelligence offers a healthy antidote to the toxic influence
of every leader’s shadow side. His practical, personal counsel
encourages, challenges, and inspires every leader to pursue the
slower, more intentional, inside-out path to deeper, lasting
impact in ministry.”
Russ Kinkade, PsyD
Psychologist and executive VP of Shepherds Ministries

A fascinating blog from Bill Gates

We live in a material world: How cement, iron
and other stuff makes modern life possible.

Worship leadership calls for worshipers, not spectators

An insightful article on worship

Do You Hear The People Sing?

Give the gift of Hope this Christmas to those who need it

Nothing describes the incarnation better than hope. Yet there are many who need the gift of hope this Christmas. This book was written for those who are walking through hard times - to give them the ultimate hope. If you know someone who needs the gift of hope this Christmas, this is a gift that will deliver much needed hope. To order, just click on the book cover.

From the forward:
Life has come undone. One day life is normal, and the next day our
lives are thrown into confusion and chaos. Like a drowning person, we find ourselves fighting to get back to the surface so we can take a breath.Pain, fear, and uncertainty have taken over. It is hard to even grasp this new reality as our minds and hearts shout, “This cannot be!”

If any of this describes you, a friend, or family member, this book is written for you. This is an authentic experience with life and pain and faith. Ultimately, this book offers hope for what can be after life has come undone, but before we get to what can be we must deal with what is. We must struggle through the emotional turmoil when life’s rules change cruelly without our permission.

No matter how strong our faith, such events often create a crisis of
faith. To not ask hard questions about God’s love and faithfulness in the trauma of life undone is abnormal, maybe irrational. Never is our understanding of God’s love, grace, and mercy more challenged and the answers more important than when life is hard and hope is scarce. We hang on to faith by the tips of our fingers as our minds work to encompass issues we have never had to understand except in a theoretical way.

To all of this there are no easy answers and often just more questions. The life undone forces us to question and reexamine the very core of what faith and life are about. I have asked these hard questions, and I am sure you have as well.

I invite you on a journey toward a life of hope, wholeness, and freedom. You can get there, regardless of how your life has come undone. This is not a journey of easy answers but one of honest realities, unlikely gifts, divine scars, God’s goodness, and ultimately a freedom that you have never experienced before.

There is nothing theoretical about When Life Comes Undone. It
comes out of real life, real pain, real struggle, and real faith. It explores the question, How do we walk by faith when life is hard and hope is scarce? Where is God in our pain? Why does God allow life to come undone when I have served Him and followed Him? There are no easy answers, but there are divine perspectives that can help us on that hard journey we all walk at one time or another.

I have walked this hard path. Walk with me toward freedom.
When life comes undone, having a community of support becomes
crucial. You may choose to use this book in a small group with others who are on this journey. Finding your freedom may involve receiving from others as well as giving your compassion and prayer to others. Use the discussion questions at the end of each chapter in your small group. Each chapter also includes a prayer, as an example of praying boldly. I invite you to prayerfully read through this book, allowing God to minister to your heart and heal your pain.

Listening to voices that make us feel uncomfortable

One of the most valuable lessons I have learned as a leader is to listen to voices and opinions that make me feel uncomfortable. It is not that I need to agree with them but I do need to listen to them and evaluate the perspective I am hearing. 

Think of the complexity of the world in which we live. We have perspectives of men and women (often different), first and second generation immigrants (often different), the outlook of various racial groups (witness Ferguson) and significant differences in the outlooks of differing age groups. It is in this environment that we are called to do ministry and advance the kingdom of Jesus - together.

I think it was no accident that Jesus brought together the most amazing group of disciples that would never have bonded apart from Him. He was making the point that in Him we can become one. In Him there is no Jew or Gentile, male or female, free or enslaved. In Him we  are one. The challenge of course is in living that truth out in the real life ministries we are a part of. Not easy indeed but possible if our vision is on the family God is intent in creating as His family. 

That means, however that we need to listen to the voices that make up the family we are a part of. All of us seen from our own perspective while Jesus desires us to see from His perspective. And His perspective takes in all of His people and their views and unique outlooks on life. Can it be uncomfortable? Yes! Can it help us grow and expand our views on life and ministry? Absolutely! It is our unity in our diversity that makes us the strongest as God's family. In that sense I love to be made uncomfortable because it helps me understand Him in a fuller way and the family of God in its fullness. 

The theology of the priesthood of all believers is a powerful reason to listen to fellow believers and seek to understand their perspective. They like us have the Holy Spirit dwelling in their hearts and it is us together that make up the wonderful and diverse family that is His family.

The kind of leader I aspire to be

There are no perfect leaders. The question is what kind of leader we aspire to be and what we are willing to do about it. I aspire to be a particular kind of leader that is counter cultural because that is what Jesus was. He sets the agenda for leaders who represent Him. I aspire to be a leader who is:

• Humble - knowing who I am, knowing who I am not and knowing Who gave me the gifts I have and why He gave them.
• Missional - possessing clarity on what God has called me to do and clarity on what He has not called me to do.
• Healthy - in my physical life, spiritual life, emotional life, relational life and skill set.
• Empowering - committed to developing, empowering and releasing others into their God given destiny.
• Christ centered - where it is all about Him and not about me.
• Intentional - living out the clarity that God has given me and not being distracted by less important things.
• Learning - we never arrive and I desire to keep becoming better at what God has called me to do. My goal is to create a culture of robust dialogue and learning so that we never become complacent and always keep growing.
• Gracious - treating people the way Jesus treated them and caring for them the way He cared for them.
• Candid - without spin or pretense, providing honest feedback and analysis.

Those I lead will be the first to tell you that I don't do any of this perfectly but I hope they would affirm that this is my heart, my intention and what I aspire to. What kind of leader do you aspire to be?

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

When convictions become theology

I have convictions based on my reading of God's word but my convictions are not theology - only what is explicitly taught in the Scriptures can be theology. But too often, our convictions become theology for us and we then believe other should abide by our theology.

Convictions are those issues where the Holy Spirit speaks to us about our lives as to how we apply Scripture in our context. For instance, I have a conviction regarding certain lifestyle issues that Scripture does not directly speak to. It is my understanding of what God want's for my life based on the application of His truth to my life. But that does not mean that I can insist that others live by those same convictions for they are mine and not Scripture's. My convictions do not equate to theology. Thus we cannot impose them on others.

One of the great freedom's about following Jesus is that He gives us freedom in those areas where Scripture does not speak to follow our own consciences. The good news is a Gospel of freedom rather than a system of legalism. We can choose to freely follow certain practices and we can choose to allow other to do the same - as Jesus gives all of us freedom to make those choices. I do make certain lifestyle choices were God gives freedom but I will not impose those choices on others because they are my choices and are not theology. I will also resist any attempts by others to impose on me their choices or convictions that are not theology.

Freedom is a wonderful thing. Lets use it carefully and joyfully and not allow convictions to become theology.

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Leaders who lose credibility by listening to their constituency

This is going to sound counter intuitive since we are all told to listen to those we lead. However, there are scenarios where listening actually hurts the credibility of a leader. Let me explain.

Most leaders know they have to listen to those they lead. So most do. However there are leaders who listen (because they have to) but have no intention of actually addressing the concerns of those they are listening to, even when it is a deafening roar. They can therefore say they listened but nothing was ever done to address legitimate concerns expressed leaving those who shared with even greater frustration than before they shared. It is a disingenuous listening because the leader has no intention of actually doing anything about what he/she heard but they can say, "I have heard all of you." The truth is that it was a disingenuous hearing.

Take a leader who introduces significant change without running process or building a consensus among those who will be impacted by the change. They can expect some push-back as change is not easy for people to deal with. But suppose they receive very significant push-back from people who are not known to be difficult or contentious. A wise leader would pay attention to that. 

When reasonable people - and many of them - are saying "this is not wise" good leaders listen. Dysfunctional leaders on the other hand will often say "talk to me," listen to the concerns and then ignore the concerns (after all they are not concerns to them) while saying "I have heard you." Now the offense is not only bad leadership in not running process and unwise change tactics but they have now minimized people who actually have valid concerns. The offence is now significantly greater than it was originally because those who shared their concerns to no avail now know that their leader frankly does not care. He/she plays the game but has an agenda they are intent on regardless of what others think.

Let's take this one step further. Because the leader has encouraged people to share their concerns with him/her (while not intending to do anything with them), they now know who is not supportive of their decisions. Often, those who share their concerns are seen by insecure leaders like this as "malcontents," "difficult," or "problem people." Never mind these same people have been long time supporters and participants in the ministry. It is in these cases that one starts to hear a great deal about church unity and in extreme cases, church discipline (the Mars Hill story). Dysfunctional leaders are unable to deal with those who disagree with them and get in the way of "their way."

If one is going to listen to their constituency (which they always should), leaders must be willing to hear them and respond to legitimate issues where they can or should. To listen and ignore good advice - especially when it comes from reputable people and a large group of people is usually indicative of an insecure or even narcissistic leader who must have his/her own way. It is sad but happens all too often in the Christian community.

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

What is our shadow side and how do we deal with it?

Shadow sides of our lives are terribly important to acknowledge, understand and manage. I would suggest that there are three kinds of shadow sides to be aware of.

First, there is the shadow side that is the flip side of our strengths. Every strength has a shadow side. The "harmony" strength is a wonderful example. Those with Harmony (Strengthfinders) like there to be understanding and peaceful relationships. A potential shadow side,  however would be that those with harmony might be tempted to avoid dealing with conflict. Just because I don't like to deal with conflict does not mean that that I should avoid it. Those with harmony often must "manage" their tendency to run from conflict management. Every strength has a shadow side and it is worth thinking through one's own strengths and the potential downside that needs to be managed.

Second, there is the shadow side of our families of origin or early experiences of life. Our early experiences and upbringing in life can be both positive and negative. If I received conditional love and acceptance as a child I may well do the same with others, or assume that God does the same with me (He does not). If I lived with a parent who said I would not amount to anything I might spend the rest of my life trying to prove them wrong even when they are long gone. Understanding and coming to grips with the shadow side of our families of origin allows us to respond to the dysfunctional pieces and manage them when they pop up their ugly heads on our thinking or relationships.

Third, there is the shadow side of our own sinful nature. Those besetting sins, or our personal vulnerabilities that we are aware of. Being aware of our sinful tendencies allows us to intentionally ask the Holy Spirit for help and victory over those areas. Sin cannot be managed but needs to be forgiven and we need to learn to live in grace. We can, however, develop strategies for dealing with our temptations and vulnerabilities starting with an awareness of when we are most vulnerable. Understanding our sinful tendencies, living in God's daily grace and forgiveness, asking the Holy Spirit to make us sensitive to our relationship with Jesus and being deeply aware of situations where we are most vulnerable can all help us grow in grace and lesson our sinful tendencies.

Shadow sides are a fact of our human existence. Growth in how we deal with them is one of the key issues in our own maturity.

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

You can now purchase T.J.'s books from him for the best price and significant discounts on bulk orders of ten or more

It is now possible to order books from T.J. Addington at the best price as well as a $2.00 discount per book for bulk discounts of ten or more. Simply click on the book covers on the left hand side of the blog to go to the author's store.

"Lent courage and borrowed faith"

It was exactly seven years ago that I ended up in the hospital for what would be a 42 day hospital stay that I never should have survived. Many who read this blog prayed for me during that time for which I am profoundly thankful. It was a horrific struggle for life where God's intervention was miraculous and gracious - I am a walking billboard of His grace.

My sons were deeply impacted during this event and another a year later - a repeat ICU stay in Thailand. As he has reflected on how he made it through these two events where his dad should have died, my son Chip has made a profound statement: "I made it through on lent courage and borrowed faith."

What he means by this is that it was the courage and faith of those around him that gave him the courage and faith to face these traumatic events. He is a person of deep faith himself, but in the middle of trying to deal with the very real possibility that his father would die, it was the support of those around him that gave him the strength to face it with courage and faith. "Lent courage and borrowed faith."

We should never underestimate the significance of coming alongside those who are going through personal struggles. It is often our faith and courage that lends them what they need to face situations that are life changing and difficult. When we are going through the dark night of the soul we often don't have the personal energy we need to be strong and courageous but we can lean on those around us who do. Their ministry to us is to give us the faith and courage we need in our time of difficulty when we need it most but are too weak to appropriate it ourselves.

Who is it that you can lend courage and faith to today?

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

12 signs of humility and arrogance in leaders

Indicators of Humility

• I have a proper view of who I am, who I am not and know the source of my strengths

• I am a secure individual and therefore unthreatened

• I know that I need others and treat them with honor and respect

• As a rule I am non-defensive

• I listen carefully to others and display flexibility

• I do not need to have my own way on most things

• I am willing to share authority and decision making with others

• I intentionally solicit feedback and am open to critique

• I pay great attention to my shadow side and manage it

• I give credit away in success and take responsibility in failure

• I surround myself with people who will tell me the truth

• I live under authority and accountability

• I realize that my leadership is not about me but about the mission

Indicators of Arrogance

• I am self involved and have an inflated view of my own importance

• I live with insecurity which impacts my actions

• I use others for my purposes and marginalize them if they disagree with me

• I display defensiveness and do not want to hear contrary opinions

• I do not listen carefully to others and am inflexible when others suggest modifications to my plans

• I am unwilling to share decision making with others

• I resist feedback or critique that is not in agreement with me

• I pay little attention to my shadow side and rarely if ever acknowledge it

• I take credit for success and blame others for failures

• I surround myself with “yes” people

• I resist accountability and chafe under authority

• The ministry is more about me than the mission

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Leaders who bring transformation to their team or organization

The best leaders are transformative leaders. Transformative leaders are not only committed to transformation in their own lives but also in bringing transformation to the teams or organizations they lead. Just as individuals need transformation, so do teams and organizations on an ongoing basis. Healthy teams and organizations are led by leaders who are committed to ongoing organizational transformation.

In order to bring needed transformation, leaders must have the ability to realistically "look beneath the hood" of their ministry in order to see what is really there. Especially in the Christian world, we are very good at seeing the good and glossing over the problematic. The best leaders are deeply realistic and are able to evaluate both.

Having evaluated what is really there there are four things good leaders never do.

First they don't criticize the past. This is a temptation for new leaders who can find it easy to criticize those who went before them. It is a very bad idea. We honor the past even as we build for the future. It was those who built the ministry to where it is that makes it possible for us to now move it forward. Honor the past rather than criticizing it.

Second, they don't blow up the organization to rebuild it. That is rarely a good option as it disenfranchises all those who are presently in it. We may need to make changes but staged change is far better than abrupt change.

Third, they don't overwhelm people with a lot of changes. Most people are change adverse. Staging change is hard enough for constituents. Overwhelming people with huge change all at once is threatening. Fixing everything at once is just a bad idea and sends a negative message.

Finally, good leaders don't ignore the issues. To do nothing is not a sign of a transformational leader.

Rather than the above, a wise leader prioritizes the issues that they see need to be addressed and start a dialogue with stakeholders in order to build support for the needed change. This is all about running good process and helping people anticipate what is coming and why. Hopefully a guiding coalition has been built of those who are ready to support the necessary changes.

In making changes, good leaders always honor the people involved. We honor them by engaging them, helping them understand, listening carefully, being flexible where we can be and doing everything to make people comfortable in the midst of change.

Transformational leaders have a certain profile. They are obviously realistic. They are also non-defensive when there is push back or when others around them push into issues that might irritate a leader. Defensive leaders shut down dialogue while non-defensive leaders invite it. This is a critical skill whenever change is necessary as well as a sign of good emotional intelligence. The focus in any change is the good of the organization as a whole while honoring people in in the process. And it is a process, rather than an event. Change events frustrate people while running proper process engages people.

If the forging of a leader is that of paying attention to the inner life of that leader, so the forging of healthy teams and organizations is that of paying attention to the inner dynamics that make for healthy, transformational organizational cultures.

All of T.J. Addington's books are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.