Grace Killers to Avoid

 A culture of grace is often missing among God's people. And it is a big disconnect for those of us who represent the King of Grace - Jesus. I am talking about the ability and willingness to give one another the benefit of the doubt, accept that others are not perfect and are in need of grace and extending it even as we desire it to be extended to us.  

Here are seven common grace killers:

Critical spirits and sharp comments. When we allow ourselves to have critical spirits toward others we set ourselves above them in our attitude and demeanor. When we make sharp comments we compound our error and in essence demean others. Even when it is necessary to have a difficult conversation one can speak graciously with truth and ever conscious of our own issues. All of us live under God's grace which He extends daily. To follow Him is to extend that same grace to others. 

Playing the role of the Holy Spirit in the lives of others. Needing to fix other people's issues is far more about us than it is about them. It is the job of the Holy Spirit to convict each of us about areas in our lives that need renovation. Sure there are times when we need to talk to others about issues in their lives but we ought to do it with great care. I have found that praying for others is often a far better approach than trying to fix others. God is perfectly capable of getting anyone's attention but He does it with amazing mercy and love.

Expecting others to live by our own convictions. Believers have a wide variety of convictions and practices that fall into the grey zone between what God commands and what He leaves to our conscience. Each of us makes lifestyle choices in those areas where God has not spoken clearly. When we are critical of those who make different choices than we do we are imposing legalism on them and moving from grace to control. We are also again playing the role of the Holy Spirit in their lives. 

This extends to our theology. There are many points of theology - beyond the pillars of what it means to be evangelical that Christians differ on. When I insist that others slice and dice their theology they way I do I am arrogantly suggesting that I have a corner on truth and they do not. What is it in me that does not allow others to come to their own conclusions on issues that are not clear in Scripture? One day we will all stand before God and realize how little we actually knew of Him. Yet we are unable to be flexible with the convictions and practices of others.

Gossip and talking to others about issues rather than to the one we have an issue with. This is a huge grace killer and ubiquitous among God's people. Gossip is no different than writing a critical email and copying it to the world. Its ripples continue on and is a way to lift ourselves up by demeaning others. At its heart it is pure judgement and is from the Evil One rather than the One who gives life (John 10:10). Untold harm is caused to reputations and relationships when we engage in this grace killing behavior.

Assuming ill motives on the part of others. This is a grace killer because we are usually wrong (the motives were not poor) but our assumption about motives (as if we can know the heart of another) causes us to think poorly of them. Grace says that I will not assume the motivation of others because I cannot know it unless they tell me. Giving others the benefit of the doubt is about grace. Only God knows the heart.

Holding on to bitterness and choosing not to forgive. Lack of forgiveness and bitterness is at the root of a great deal of relational dysfunction and critical spirits. It not only kills grace in the relationship but in our own spirits that are poisoned by our refusal to forgive and let go. We become a prisoner of our own bitterness and the poison of that bitterness spreads to others around us. It is our choice to forgive or not to forgive but it is God's command that we do.

Lack of empathy and understanding. It is easy to become impatient and critical of others because we don't understand what they are dealing with in their own lives and we have not taken the time to find out. All of us live with either public or private pain from time to time and our lack of empathy for the issues others struggle with often cause us to be impatient and critical. The truth is that if we had to walk in their shoes we would probably  be struggling with some of the same things.

The Fruit of the Spirit is all about grace in our relationships. The fruit of our lower nature is not about grace but about us. In every relationship we have the choice of extending and living out the Grace God extends to us or conversely, choosing the selfish route of judgement and critical spirits. 

I would sum up the attributes of grace this way:

I will be slow to judge and criticize

I will be patient and forbearing with others

In my words and attitudes I will seek to encourage and lift up rather than discourage and tear down

I will not judge motives

I will forgive easily

I will allow the Holy Spirit to convict others rather than playing that role myself

I will be empathetic and understanding

I will seek to display the Fruit of the Spirit in all of my relationships and interactions

I will choose to assume the best

I will refrain from gossip

How to kill the passion of your staff

 Why do some ministry staff have a high and contagious level of passion for what they do, and others have low and noncontagious levels of passion?

Indeed, some of it concerns how individuals are wired personally. But, much of it has to do with the ministry environment in which they work - for environments and culture will either fuel or kill passion in those who work in them.

Passion killers are those things that will diminish rather than fuel ministry passion.

There is the passion killer of ambiguous missional purpose. Organizations that do not have a compelling reason for existence that everyone understands and shares will diminish rather than fuel passion for ministry. General ministry purpose yields general ministry efforts with general ministry results. A lack of focus and clear definition of what we are all about will generate little passion. No wonder such a high percentage of churches exist without much excitement or energy around them.

There is the passion killer of control and micromanagement. Good people want to be developed, empowered, and released rather than controlled or micromanaged. Control diminishes passion by devaluing people and saying, "I can't trust you to do your job by yourself." It disempowers, discourages, and diminishes enthusiasm for one's work over time. Leaders who control or micromanage, by definition, kill passion.

There is the passion killer of poor leadership. Leaders set the pace for the missional focus, health, level of energy and commitment, and the synergistic working of a team. Passion begins to diminish when leaders don't provide that kind of directional leadership and cohesion. Poor leadership yields poor followership, and teams rarely rise above their leader's passion, commitment, and example. For passion to remain high, it must start with the team leader.

There is the passion killer of living with the status quo rather than being willing to take a risk for ministry leverage. Organizations that will not take a risk diminish the passion of those who long to do something different to get greater ministry results. When the answer is "no," we don't do that here; passion leads to discouragement! Trying new things always fuels passion, while living safely does not. Safety over innovation kills passion!

There is the passion killer of unresolved conflict and lack of team cohesion. Teams, congregations, and organizations often live with high levels of negative stuff that is not resolved. Everyone knows it is present, but no one dares to face and fix it. Over time, that diminishes the passion of good people whose desire to see something happen for Christ is discouraged by the dis health they are surrounded by.

Then there is the passion killer of leaders who are coasting toward the end of their ministry life, who don't really know where to go anymore but are determined to hang on till the end, leaving staff without direction or real purpose. This is a real problem among pastors who have lost their ability to lead but don't know what to do next and simply hang on. They may be great people, but they are no longer leading, and their lack of leadership diminishes passion among those they should be leading.

There is also the passion killer of leaders who are more about building their own success and legacy than working as a team. These leaders may have narcissistic tendencies, and it is all about them. Their narcissism diminishes passion in others quickly as team members realize they are simply being used rather than part of a cohesive, unified ministry team. It is about the leader and not about the mission. Some very large organizations and churches suffer from this passion killer.

There is the passion killer of politics and turf wars. Politics kills passion because the energy of turf wars takes away from team spirit and common direction and pits groups against one another. It also fuels cynicism as good people wonder why their leaders put up with such silliness. 

Organizational culture and its leadership will either fuel or diminish passion. I would love to hear from readers about passion killers they have observed in their ministries.

Three gifts every supervisor can give to their staff

 

Leaders come bearing gifts to their staff. They set the culture of the organization in positive and sometimes negative ways. The best leaders create a culture of clarity, development and optimism that we can accomplish our mission. All three of these are positive gifts to the staff they lead.

The gift of clarity is helping everyone be crystal clear as to what we are about and what our focus needs to be. The more sharply we can articulate our direction and focus, the more our staff can in turn focus their work! Focused clarity within organizations is not as common as one might think because it requires an enormous and ongoing effort  by leadership to clarify their mission and an equally enormous effort to keep the organization focused on that mission. However, that clarity is a great gift to staff as they know what the goal is and where their energies need to be focused.

The focus part of the equation is perhaps the hardest because staff and teams must figure out on a quarterly basis how they prioritize their work and what will constitute a "win" for that quarter. Not all activity is of equal value. The most important activity is what we ought to be focused on and that is the value of quarterly win cycles for everyone in the organization.

The gift of staff development is an indication of whether leaders are generous in seeking to help staff grow and develop or selfish in simply using staff for their own purposes. Think about the various work roles you have had over the years and ask the question, "did I leave that role with greater skill and success because someone intentionally developed me or was I simply left to my own devices?" Leaders have a stewardship responsibility to help staff grow, flourish and to give them opportunity to use their gifts fully. This is a truly significant gift and staff never forget the gift.

This gift is both selfish and unselfish. Selfish in the sense that the ongoing development of staff will come back to bless the organization and its work. It also creates a deep sense of loyalty to the organization because it signals a high commitment to staff. It takes time and effort to develop staff and they appreciate it. 

The unselfish part of the equation is that such development may mean that your actually develop someone out of the organization. Their capacity grows and there may not be a place for their additional capacity in your organization but they will flourish elsewhere. Regardless of whether they stay or move on to higher levels of responsibility, you have given them the gift of growth and development. It is an unusual organization or leader who makes this a priority.

The gift of optimism is an attitude that together we can get our job done and accomplish our mission. A leader's optimism with their staff is critical in today's uncertain and competitive marketplaces. Optimism creates momentum while pessimism creates discouragement. Optimism married to a culture of teamwork and cooperation allows organizations to see results that no one could accomplish on their own. Regardless of whether a leader feels optimistic on any certain day, they give a gift to their staff when they choose to convey a positive attitude.

This is especially critical in times of stress and uncertainty as we have been walking through in the past several years. The attitude of the leader cascades down through the team or organization. Leaders who exude hope and optimism in spite of the circumstances create a place of energy and encouragement. Never underestimate the power of this gift.

Every leader can give these three gifts to their staff - if they value their staff enough to do it. 

De-escalating conflict through normalizing conversations

 Many things can introduce conflict or awkwardness into relationships: disagreements; words spoken; actions or even second hand conversations that come back to us. It can cause us to back away from a relationship, suspect that others don't have our best interests in mind and create an invisible wall between two individuals. It happens in families, among friends and in the workplace - anywhere we have key relationships.

This is where normalizing conversations come in. Rather than live with our perceptions or assumptions about where the other individual is coming from, or the awkwardness that has been introduced into the relationship, normalizing conversations can clarify and remove relational walls that have been created. It is a courageous decision we make to seek peace, come to clarity and understanding by candidly talking to another about the events that have transpired.

Unaddressed issues between individuals create walls and distance while discussing those issues can remove those walls and bring parties closer together. These conversations can prevent years of suspicion and misunderstanding from robbing people of relationship.

A normalizing conversation is very simple. It is taking the step to initiate a conversation in order to understand one another and remove the invisible wall that has been created by words, actions or assumptions. Choosing to initiate a conversation with another to clarify issues and create understanding  is a courageous and peacemaking practice. And too rare.

A normalizing conversation is not a confrontation but a conversation. It may or may not result in agreement but it can result in understanding. Because you have invited the other individual to be candid with you as you are with them, it removes future awkwardness in the relationship even if you did not come to agreement. It is simply a conversation to "normalize" what has become problematic.

The major barrier to such conversations is our own fear. In my experience, our fear is usually unfounded and we find the other party relieved to be able to lower the walls and understand each other. Even if the conversation is hard, it opens up the ability to communicate and creates greater understanding and that by definition almost always lowers the relational walls. It is about calming the relational waters.

When we resist such conversations because we are convinced we are right and others are wrong (and I have done that), we rob ourselves and those around us of the synergy that can come from peace and cooperation rather than conflict and a broken relationship. In fact, it does not matter if we were right or wrong. What does matters is that we work to the best of our ability to resolve unresolved issues. Relational discord has no upside but relational peace always does.

What is needed is a spirit of humility by both parties to seek to understand and be understood. In the end, it is usually our pride that keeps us from pressing in and seeking to resolve these matters. If you have a conflict that has resulted in a broken relationship, take the risk of a normalizing conversation. 

Leadership lessons from the life of Moses

 

Moses is one of the greatest Old Testament leaders, but too little attention is paid to how he got to the point where God could use him to do great things. If one looks at his life from age 40 to 80, there are ten instructive lessons that ought to inform our own lives as we think about leadership.

1. God is always on time but is never in a hurry. Think about this. When Moses was 40, he thought that he was something and God could not use him. When he was eighty, he thought he was not much, and God was ready to use him. It took forty years to perfect what God needed to do in Moses's heart before he took on his God assignment. God is always on time, but He is never in a hurry. He wants us to be ready above all things.

2. In God's work, the heart always comes before leadership. At forty, Moses' heart was not ready for his God assignment. At eighty, it was. What do you suppose God did in Moses's heart for the forty years he was a shepherd for his father-in-law? He had forty years to spend time with his father, to live in his presence, and the proof of this is the humility that Moses exhibited at eighty that was absent at forty. It took that time for Moses to have the heart material that God could use.

3. Hardship is inherent in the process. Our growth as leadership material does not come easily. It comes hard. It came in Moses' life by needing to run from his adopted father, give up a life of privilege, and take up the humble life of a shepherd - as an alien in a foreign land for forty years. It is the humbling process that strips us of the dross that will keep us from being successful for God. It is not easy, but it is necessary.

4. God's callings are holy callings. When God appeared to Moses at the burning bush, the first thing He said was that Moses should take off his shoes, for he was standing on holy ground. Holy because God was present and Holy because the assignment God was giving was a Holy assignment. All God's assignments are Holy assignments wherever He places us. That is why we should take our calling and our vocation seriously, whatever it is.

5. God does not call us to do things we can do without Him. We should never be so cavalier as to think that we can do what God calls us to do on our own. Why would He call us to do anything we can do by ourselves? His assignments require His presence, His power, and His wisdom. Moses got this, which is why he repeatedly said, "I am not qualified for the job." Of course, he was not qualified, and neither were we. God calls us to do those things that require His divine power and wisdom.

6. God reveals Himself to us as we answer His call. The first thing Moses had to do was to accept the fact that God was calling him and to say "yes" to that call. It was as he took a step of obedience that God continued to reveal himself and give Moses the resources he needed to lead the people out of Egypt. It was a "one step of obedience at a time leadership," which is what ours is as well. God did not show Moses the whole plan, but He did prove Himself faithful as Moses chose to say yes.

7. False starts are often not failures. Moses had a massive false start. Was it a failure? I choose to think not. I believe it was simply one of the learning Moments that would prepare Moses for his big assignment. We should not be afraid of false starts in our leadership roles. God may simply be teaching us what we need to learn for the ultimate leadership role He wants us to play. Moses probably thought his false start was a failure. God probably saw it much differently.

8. God infuses what is in our hands for His divine purposes. It is a comical conversation that Moses had with God - especially because it mirrors our own inner conversations with God all too often. Moses says to God, how will the people know that I am from you when I go before Pharaoh? God says, "What is in your hand?" Moses says a staff, the most ordinary of instruments. God says throw it down, and it became a snake, and Moses ran from it....and the story goes on. God takes the most ordinary stuff that is in our hands or skill set and uses it for His divine purposes. We worry about what we have to carry out God's assignments. He does not. He simply takes what is in our hands and uses it for His purposes.

9. He does not call us to do it alone! Moses did not have all the skills that were necessary to carry out God's call, and he knew it. Thus, God provided Aaron to join his team and his father-in-law along the way to give him leadership advice. When God calls us, he usually calls us to do things with others who have the skills we do not possess.

10.  We never arrive, so our hearts need constant attention. Moses learned this in the journey of leading the people out of bondage and ultimately to the promised land. His own heart was tested time and again by those he led and the circumstances he found himself in. But he continued to nurture his heart and cry out to God for his presence and His power. It is all too easy to become complacent and careless, thinking we have arrived. That does not happen until we see Jesus face to face.

A Nation of Christians Is Not Necessarily a Christian Nation - David French

 

THE FRENCH PRESS

A Nation of Christians Is Not Necessarily a Christian Nation

We cannot equate Christian power with Christian justice.

If you lead others, evaluate yourself against these 12 traits of a good supervisor

 

The best supervisors practice behaviors that build healthy staff and healthy teams. Consider these twelve characteristics of a good supervisor and evaluate how you do in these areas.

I Provide clear expectations to those who report to me

I provide clear expectations to those I supervise so they are never surprised.

I am accessible

My most important priority is the success of those who are part of my team. They get the best of me rather than the leftovers of my time and energy.

I am proactive in coaching.

Coaching and mentoring are always on my mind. How can I help my staff become more successful and develop them as people personally and professionally?

I provide the resources to get the job done.

When I give an assignment, I ensure that staff have what they need to accomplish the work.

I give candid and helpful feedback.

I am honest, candid, and gracious in providing feedback to direct reports. My goal is to help them grow and be the best that they can be. I don't shy away from hard conversations but am kind in my feedback.

I model what I espouse.

I walk the walk and live the talk. What I expect from others I model in my own work and practice. I don't ask of others what I am unwilling to do.

I am collegial in my relationships.

My staff are colleagues and not simply my employees. We are a team, and we will only be successful with one another. I treat them as valued team members and am always respectful.

I do not micromanage.

People need the freedom to figure things out and use their skills and creativity to accomplish their goals. I do not try to micromanage their work.

I craft a healthy team.

Everyone's happiness factor is affected by the health or dishealth of our team. I do all I can to ensure the healthiest team possible and deal with individuals who create dissonance on a team through relational issues or incompetence.

I insist on healthy practices.

Believing that culture is what is created or allowed, I seek to intentionally create a healthy culture while being clear that unhealthy practices, attitudes, or words are not part of that culture.

I listen well.

Knowing that all good relationships are based on healthy communication, I listen more than I speak and engage my staff in dialogue rather than defaulting to simply telling them what to do.

I care about each individual as a person.

My concern for staff is more than that they get a job done. I care about them, their health, growth, and personal circumstances in a holistic way.

Eight reasons that supervisors don't lead as well as they could

 

I suspect that many staff would not give their boss or supervisor high marks for their supervisory skills or stewardship. It is true in ministry settings as well as secular settings. I expect that in smaller organizations there might not be as much expertise in this area but poor supervision is found in organizations of all sizes.

Before I share the reasons why I believe this is the case, let me remind you of how I describe the kind of teams that supervisors ought to aspire to. A good team is a group of missionally aligned and healthy individuals working synergistically together under good leadership with accountability for results. When you consider how rare these elements are on teams one has to conclude that there is a problem with the good leadership piece of the equation.

My own work with organizations around these issues has led me to conclude that there are eight principle reasons why leadership and supervision of others is lacking the quality it ought to have. 

First, we often put supervisors in their positions without giving them the training in how to build teams, empower people, lead others and resolve conflict to name just a few of the necessary skills. It is foolish to believe that anyone can take the leadership of others without some kind of training as it is a skill to lead. Moving from being an independent producer to an organizational leader is no easy step and without coaching and mentoring many never make the transition.

Second, there is rarely a specific set of expectations that are given supervisors other than the fact that others now report to them. In my book there are at least ten critical issues that leaders of others must pay attention to but how often is the case that no one has clearly laid out what it means to lead other people?

Third, supervisors often treat the supervisory role they have as a distraction from their own work without realizing that it is the focus of their new work. Leading others is never ancillary, it must be central. In fact, this is one of the expectations that is often never communicated. When supervisors or team leaders treat this as a necessary evil, their staff read it quickly and it does not encourage them.

Fourth, most supervisors or team leaders do not know how to create clarity for those they lead as to what they are going after, what the non-negotiables are and how they will interact with one another. Lack of clarity creates conflict, confusion, lack of common direction and lack of accountability. Yet many supervisors are not taught these important skills.

Fifth, many supervisors do not empower but tend to control. Empowerment within clear boundaries creates health while control without clarity creates disempowerment. Whether because of a lack of training or a controlling nature this deficit creates dysfunctional teams.

Sixth, when team is not central, supervisors do not develop their staff. After all, that takes time and energy and the team is not their highest priority anyway. Any leader who does not develop those they lead is neglecting the leadership stewardship they have. 

Seventh, many supervisors are not held accountable for the quality of their leadership of others. That means that many supervisors have no real incentive to pay attention to building the kinds of teams I mentioned above. Especially in the Christian arena (but not only) where senior leaders don't want to confront substandard work in the name of grace or niceness this situation continues to exist. 

Eight and perhaps at the crux of the whole matter, senior leaders are not themselves committed to leading others with health or taking the time to build the kinds of healthy teams we are talking about. When the example and direction does not come from the very top, it is not going to be a priority for the rest of the organization. Unless seniors leaders care about the issue, it will never become an important issue in the organization.

I know individuals with great talent and potential who are leaving their organizations for all of the reasons above. They have not been led well and they are disillusioned by it and want their lives and energy to count. The organization ultimately loses and I hold their leaders accountable for the loss. Don't let it happen in your ministry or organization. It is a net loss for all.

4 Bold and Courageous Prayers for 2022 - Dan Reiland

 

Way beyond leadership techniques and ministry strategies, the following bold and courageous prayers will impact your ministry 

results. From the blog of Dan Reiland, The Pastor's Coach.

Seven evaluative statements for your board

 

Church boards (and other boards) often forget what good governance looks like. Not because they don't care but because, in the press of ministry life, they forget. 

A simple way to evaluate your board work is to have everyone on the board assign a number from 1 to 10 for each of the statements below. Ten signifies we do this well and consistently, and one signifies we do it poorly or inconsistently. Average out the scores for each statement and have a board conversation around it.

1. We have an outward vision rather than internal preoccupation

Churches with an outward vision do so because their boards are more occupied with thinking about how to impact the community and world rather than spending the majority of their time discussing what happens inside the church.

2. We encourage a diversity of viewpoints

Healthy boards do not do "group think" but encourage each member to think for themselves, share their thoughts, and, through the diversity of viewpoints, come to better decisions.

3. We do strategic leadership more than administrative details

Boards are not designed to spend their time on administrative details that others can do. They are designed to provide strategic leadership to the organization and grapple with the BIG rocks.

4. We have a clear distinction between the board and lead pastor roles

A lack of clarity between the responsibilities of a church board and that of a lead pastor creates either confusion or conflict. Clear distinctions between the board and lead pastor roles foster healthy relationships between the two and smoother leadership.

5. We make collective rather than individual decisions

Healthy boards make collective rather than individual decisions. They also have an understanding that once the decision is made, each member will be supportive of the decision. No individual can force their will on the board or choose not to support its decisions.

6. We are more future-focused than we are present or past-focused

The best boards have a clear focus on the future rather than on the past or present. While they may need to deal with current crises or some administrative details, their primary focus is on the future and how they can help the organization meet the needs of the future.

7. We are committed to being proactive in our leadership rather than reactive

The vast majority of church boards live in a reactive world - dealing with crises or day-to-day issues. The best boards are proactive in their leadership by setting appropriate policies and thinking about the future rather than doing reactive leadership that is focused on the present and second guessing the decisions of others.

See also, 
Church board self assessment. 15 Questions

Resilience is a key to strong and long leadership

 

There is a quality that every leader who is going to lead over the long haul must have. That quality is resilience. Webster defines resilience this way: "The ability to become strong, healthy, or successful again after something bad happens." I would define leadership resilience as the ability to deal with hard situations and difficult people without becoming overly emotional, angry, or cynical. It is also the ability to live with a soft heart but very thick skin and not to be discouraged by the inevitable challenges and personal attacks that leadership brings.

Leaders who lack resilience:

• Become easily discouraged
• Feel threatened and deflated when attacked
• Become emotional when things don't go their way
• Can become subject to depression and moodiness
• Are often fearful
• Can easily overact to situations that seem out of their control
• Crack under pressure

I am an avid reader of biographies and would suggest that individuals like Winston Churchill, FDR, Ronald Reagan, or Margaret Thatcher were individuals who personified resilience. Each of these was able to overcome regular difficulties, keep their cool, and continue to lead. In the New Testament, Paul certainly has this trait.

The test of leadership is not what happens when all is well but when all is hell. That is when the mettle of our souls and resolve is tested and where our resilience or lack of it becomes critical. When I hear leaders complain and feel sorry for themselves and express significant emotions, anger, and frustration, I often wonder if they have the resilience to lead well. 

Resilient ministry leaders usually have the following characteristics:

• They have thick skin and have learned how to weather personal attacks
• They take the long view and know that the irritations of the moment will pass
• Their self-worth is not wrapped up in their leadership role, and they realize that leaders are often targets
• Their focus is on the mission of the organization rather than on themselves 
• They have learned to see the tough times as leadership challenges 
• They are generally optimists and communicate hope to their teammates
• They have a good team around them
• They have a high view of God's sovereignty and, therefore, are able to trust Him
• They have learned that anxiety is wasted energy and manage it well

Resilience can be learned and should grow over time as we recognize that the crises of the moment do pass, life does go on, the world does not fall apart, and the worst possible case does not usually come to be. It has much to do with our perspective on God, on life, and on ourselves. The more we focus on ourselves, the less resilient we will be. The more we focus on the mission and on God, the more resilience we will have.

Before you send that email, think about these five things

 I just saw an email that caused me to say, "Oh my!" and it reminded me of the dangers that emails present. I suspect that if it could be recalled, it would be, but that is not possible, and now it is being circulated to places and people the author probably does not desire.

Five things to remember about all emails we send:

First: Do not assume they will not be made public. The more controversial the conversation, the greater the chances there are that whatever you write will find its way into the hands of others. All it takes is one click. Do not write anything that you don't want others to see and that you cannot substantiate. Our tone, our words, our attitudes, and our assumptions matter in print, and they can easily be wrong or badly misunderstood.

Second: Do not question the motives of others. In the first place, you may well be wrong. In the main, we cannot know what those motives really are. Conversations may unearth them, but emails rarely will, and you run the risk that you have it wrong - but now in print.

Third: Do not make accusations you cannot prove, and even if you can, that will not be understood by others who might read the email. Emails are not the place to make accusations. I am reluctant to do so in person, let alone by email. And remember that even if you are right, those who are friends of the one you are writing to will rarely agree with you, and it probably will come back to bite you. Why pick fights that you don't need to pick?

Fourth: Do not use inflammatory language. The harsher the language, the tougher it is going to be to resolve whatever issue needs resolution. Inflammatory language raises the level of conflict, can be accusatory by its very nature, and is unnecessary in an email. Even if everything you say is true, third parties who may see the email will inevitably take exception to you and what you wrote - and you will lose coinage.

Five: Don't make a threat by email. There may be consequences to someone's actions, but rarely is it helpful to threaten them in a way that could go public or that will be misunderstood by third parties.

If one is tempted to send an email that violates any of these five principles, it is a smart practice to first wait 24 hours before sending it and second to have a colleague you trust read it. If it has implications for your organization or ministry, show it to your supervisor before sending it because if it comes back to haunt you, it will also haunt them. 

A Story Stranger than Fiction: The Christmas Story

 

No story is better known. No story better captures the heart of a child - small or grown - than the one we celebrate today. No matter how many times we hear the story, it never grows old, it never disappoints, never ceases to evoke deep emotions of wonder, awe and comfort. An angel’s proclamation to illiterate shepherds, a teenage unwed mother, a loyal carpenter fiance, the evil king Herod, a cold, clear, Bethlehem night without a place to stay. A messy birth in an animal’s stall, alongside a dirty alley in the dark of night. Confused cows watching unknowing as the Son of the universe stares back unknowing at the very animals He had created eons before. A mother, a child, a carpenter, a few agitated animals and the pungent smell of manure.

This is a story so absurd that it could only have been scripted by a Divine hand. No other writer would have attempted such a script. If they had they would not have claimed it to be true: fiction maybe, but not reality. This is not how the One whose voice had echoed off of a billion galaxies would make His entrance. Without CNN and Fox News, into a hovel known affectionately today as Bethlehem but then nothing more than a tiny village on the path to Jerusalem. 

His entrance was marked not by a proclamation to kings but to astonished herdsmen sleeping with sheep. The heavens opened with ten thousand voices – not over Jerusalem the ancient capital – but over a tiny grazing field for a handful of insignificant shepherds. They would be the only witnesses of the grand entrance of a King. No other writer would have written such a script. 

No other author would have taken such a chance. For behind this story there are echoes of another story - equally incredulous. Centuries before in the vastness of eternity past – when infinity kissed infinity, The Master of Infinity spoke into being the universe in which we live - 3,000 of whose stars are visible to the careful eye, 30 billion visible from a large telescope, - the other 90% of the universe still hidden from our eyes. Its splendor an eternal testimony to the Author of the story.

Immortal, invisible, God only wise,

In light inaccessible hid from our eyes,

Most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,

Almighty, victorious, Thy great name we praise.

Great Father of glory, pure Father of light,

Thine angels adore thee, all veiling their sight;

All praise we would render: O help us to see

Tis only the splendor of light hideth Thee.

(Walter Chalmers Smith)

The Author’s heart was restless still, lonely in His perfection. A heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longed to give away infinite love. Again the Author spoke: A planet was expertly crafted. One among billions. A people wonderfully created – in the image of the Author. Free to love, free to experience the infinite goodness of the Author. Free to revel in His infinite Love. But above all free. Love cannot be forced and remain love.

We are not the sole owners of broken hearts. No heart suffered such sorrow as Infinite Love rejected. Image bearers rejected the Image Maker. The story’s characters fired the Author to write their own script. Unmatched, searing pain pierced the Author’s heart as the loved jilted the Lover. 

Chaos infiltrated beauty. A planet was hijacked and spun out of control. Poverty of spirit supplanted endless joy. Unfulfilled hearts realized the pain of lost love. Without the Author, individual story lines faltered – and failed. Sadness reigned. Darkness descended in seeming endless gloom.

Truth can be stranger than fiction. For in the pained heavens the grieving Author plotted love’s revenge. An awesome revenge that only Divinity could contrive – that only Divinity would contrive. Having lost His loved, the Lover would send His most loved to reclaim His heart’s desire. The rejected Creator would kiss the unfaithful created. Tender mercy in place of deserved destruction. An astonished heaven broke into unbelieving applause. Image bearers would be reclaimed by the Image Maker. Light would once again prevail over darkness. Brokenness would be made whole. Peace would triumph over chaos.

All was silent in the heavens on the chosen night. Angels held their corporate breath. For nine months the Son had been absent, resident in a young girls womb, coming to us not as a king but incognito, just one of thousands of children that would be born on a lonely planet that night – into the darkness that our word had become. Placenta covered the Son of the universe arriving to claim back His beloved: this time, one by one, heart by heart. Tender mercy arriving in disguise: one of us, one like us. On that night, the Author personally entered our story. 

Such humility our world has never known. A stunning reversal for a world gone astray. A Heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longing to give away infinite love, arriving under cover of night in order to “shine on those living in darkness…to guide our feet into the path of peace.” (Luke 1:27).

When an author writes, each character is unique; each has his or her own storyline. We, each have a story – unique, unrepeated, singular. Each story has its own joy, its own pain, its own pathos and unmatched quality. But each shares one singular, astonishing feature. We are made in the Author’s image, and He will not rest until we have invited Him to join in our story. 

More astonishing than the script He has authored, the story we celebrate today is that He also wants to enter into your story. This is the most ancient of stories but it is also the most contemporary of stories. The Christmas story is but one chapter in the Author’s divine script. The Author is still writing. And every person who invites Him into their story becomes a separate and unique chapter in His unfinished book. And into each story He brings His light and peace.

 “For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.” (John 3:16-17.)

Have you invited Him into your story?

Five ways that living in grace impacts our leadership and relationships

 

There are few issues more important to us personally or in our leadership than a proper understanding of grace. Our understanding, or lack of it, has significant implications for how we lead and how we respond and interact with others. It is one of those areas where theology and practice intersect in important ways.

First, leaders who understand and live in grace do not have a need to prove anything to God or to others. If I live in grace, I do not need to worry about being wrong, nor do I need to live with defensiveness. Many leaders in the Christian arena are more about proving they can be successful than they are about serving Jesus. Grace frees us from the need to prove anything to God or others and, therefore, allows us to live in freedom.

Second, leaders who understand and live in grace don't need to seek perfection, which is really all about proving something to others. They can rest in the fact that God is in control, and while we do the best we can, we can leave the results to God. We sow and water, but only God can bring the harvest. Without grace, leaders feel they need to produce results. Living in grace allows us to rest in Him, do the right things, and trust Him for transformational results.

Third, leaders who understand and live in grace are able to extend grace and understanding to their staff. This is not an excuse for allowing shoddy work. It is a posture of wanting the very best for others and extending the same grace that Jesus extends to us. Harsh leaders simply don't understand grace. Think of the Fruit of the Spirit, and you get the picture of what grace looks like in relationships. 

Fourth, leaders who understand and live in grace create cultures in their teams and organizations of grace. The culture of an organization is often a direct reflection of the leader's own spiritual and emotional health. Legalistic or harsh cultures simply reflect the ethos of their leadership. Where a leader understands and lives in grace, he/she creates that culture in the organization.

Fifth, leaders who understand and live in grace create cultures where there is no fear of candid dialogue and diverse opinions because grace allows us to live with a Nothing to Prove and Nothing to Lose attitude. Without defensiveness, we can invite honest dialogue, deal with elephants, and create a culture of grace and truth. Where that is not the case, I would argue that the leader (and or staff) are not living in grace.

I would guess there are many other implications of a life of grace. What I do know is that leaders who understand and live in grace create healthy cultures, and those who don't won't.

How organizations can inadvertently compromise the quality of their service

 

Almost every organization I have worked with would  say that they are committed to quality work internally and quality services externally but often the reality does not live up to the goal. This is particularly true among non-profits but it is not only resident there. Often it is the result of several overlooked factors that inadvertently compromise the quality of their work.

One of the first things that comes to mind is that of poor hiring methods. When we hire without doing do diligence to the qualifications of the applicant or the skill fit we often end up paying a steep price later. There is an adage that says "hire slow and fire fast" and it has great merit to it. Many organizations don't realize the bottom line impact poor hires have on them. First, unqualified individuals do not make the organization look good. Second, it takes more unqualified individuals to get the job done than one highly qualified individual. Thus there is both a financial and service quality variable in our hiring practices.

In addition when we choose to compensate below the fair market value of a job we drastically reduce the number of qualified candidates who will consider working for us. Here is the irony.  We end up hiring more individuals to do a job than we need because we got what we were willing to pay for. So in an attempt to save money in salaries we actually spend more money than we needed to. This is particularly true with churches and Christian non-profits but it can be found in the for profit sector as well.

Another common mistake is to pay too little attention to the Emotional Intelligence (EQ) of those we hire. Even highly competent individuals can hurt the organization if they exhibit poor EQ. They can hurt others on the team internally and create issues with customers externally. Considerable attention ought to be given to the issue of an individual's EQ in the hiring process as well as in ongoing education in this area. For more on Emotional Intelligence see "Signs of good and bad EQ."

Finally, in the desire to save money, some organizations do not provide the necessary tools to staff to get their job done efficiently. This can be training, technology and software or the necessary ongoing mentoring. It is unfortunate that the investment already made in these staff is lost when they either choose to leave or cannot fulfill their job with excellence because of the neglect of their supervisor.

None of these actions are meant to hurt the quality of an organizations work but all do so inadvertently. My philosophy has always been to hire slow and well, pay competitively, give staff the tools they need and have as few staff as necessary. You can do that with the right staff.

Finding a place of serenity and peace in a crazy busy and pressured world

 Our world can be characterized by out-of-control schedules, lack of rest, frenetic activity, and little margin. Yet our hearts long for peace and serenity. We cannot change the frenetic pace of our world, but we can choose to live in peace and serenity ourselves. Here are eight practices that can lead to a life of greater serenity.

1. Places of refuge. These are places where our hearts feel at peace and where we can slow down. For me, it includes a study in my home that has no television, is filled with books, and a comfortable couch. Whenever I enter, I feel a special peace come over me because it is a place of peace. It may also be a stream where I can fly fish in solitude. For all of us, it will be different, but identifying those places of refuge that we can go to regularly will help us negotiate what is otherwise a busy existence.

2. Time with Jesus. Out-of-control schedules or even the typical challenges of our lives lead to anxiety and personal stress. The best place to leave our anxiety and stress is with Jesus, who told us that he can bring peace to our souls. Who does not long for peace? Psalm 23 says, "He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." It is a picture of rest, quietness, peace - in the presence of God. But none of that happens in frenetic activity. Only in quietness and time with Him.

3. Quiet reflection. The art of quiet reflection is time without distractions to think deeply about our lives, God, or situations we face. Reflection demands times of peace and quiet: Television off; radio silenced; cell phone muted - maybe soothing music on. I write this blog in the peace and quiet of an early morning, one of my favorite times to reflect and think.

4. Special friends. I am thinking here of friends who bring peace and joy to our lives and fill us emotionally. This is not your average friend. Many friends are needy and drain us. There is a time for those friends, but not when we are needing peace and serenity. These are friends who encourage us, accept us, love us, and allow us to be who we are in their presence without pretense or expectations. Too often, in our busyness, we do not nurture the most important friends who can bring peace to our lives.

5. Good books. Well-chosen books can help us relax, reflect and grow. It is why my personal place of refuge is lined with them. One need not be a prodigious reader for this to be the case. Even a few pages or a short chapter can stimulate our thinking and reflection. Books help us stretch our minds and offer perspectives of others that can change our own perspectives.

6. A journal. Journaling is a practice that can bring greater peace and serenity to our lives. It allows us to record insights we gain in our times of reflection. The simple act of writing those insights down dramatically increases our retention of them. It allows us to have a record of our personal growth. It allows us to be more reflective in our prayer lives as we write out our prayers from time to time. It forces us to think more clearly and reflect more deeply. It is worth the effort even if we are not naturally writers.

7. Interludes of prayer. These are times during the day when we intentionally reconnect with Jesus in prayer. For instance, my cell phone alerts me on the hour, every hour during the day. When it does, I silently engage Jesus about whatever I am working on or the meeting I am in. It reminds me to be present with Jesus, it reminds me to check in with Him, and it reminds me to bring the events of my day to Him. They are hourly check-ins with the only one that can ultimately bring me peace of heart and soul.

8. Learning to be present. How often do you find yourself mulling on a problem or anxiety when you should be concentrating on a conversation, a work project, or playing with your kids? Being present means that we are mindful of what we are doing at the moment and truly focused on that rather than focusing on other things that distract us from being present in the moment. Being present means that we are fully "there" in whatever we are doing. It also prevents us from being "elsewhere," which is usually a problem or challenge that we should have left with Christ rather than carrying it around with us. The hourly reminder from my cell phone not only reminds me to check in with God but to check in with myself to see if I am present in the moment.

A life of peace and serenity does not happen by itself but comes from healthy practices in our lives. It is a beautiful place to live and something that we can grow in regularly.

It is counterintuitive but Covid may be a blessing for the spread of the Gospel

 

I have a firm conviction that nothing happens in our world, good or bad, which does not first pass by the hands of God and which He does not use to build His church. History is full of examples of adversity that become accelerators to the advancement of the gospel. In fact, it is often in the face of difficult challenges that the church shows itself to be the most resilient.

The age of Covid has been difficult and presented many unwelcome challenges. But, there may be some hidden blessings for both the church and the spread of the gospel. Ironically, as infectious as Covid is, the gospel is even more infectious and both are impacting our world, one for sorrow and the other for joy.

First, Covid has disrupted almost all of ministry. In doing so it has also caused Christian leaders to rethink what is truly important and how they can adapt and focus on what God has called the church to do and to be. There is no disruption that does not create opportunity to rethink, recalibrate and refocus.

For too long we have focused on church size and programs more perhaps than on discipleship and the involvement of each one in ministry according to their God given gifting. We have assumed that church attendance equaled spiritual maturity. 

One thing we can be certain of. The church will never go back to where it was pre-Covid. It just won't. Many have decided they don't need church for their spiritual lives. Others will simply do church on-line. This creates an opportunity for us to rethink what we are doing and why. That is a gift although perhaps an unwelcome one.

Second, digital ministry has the potential to be one of the most potent forces for the gospel in the years to come. The church was forced into digital formats by Covid. Many churches have come to the conclusion that the digital format is not simply a way to reach their own people but to reach beyond their four walls and reach a world that does not know Jesus. Rather than fighting the change, many churches are embracing this change and see it as a significant opportunity to share the gospel with those who don't know.

In fact, when we talk about the gospel being preached to all people before the return of Christ, this is exactly what is happening. Recently I had opportunity to interact with the founder and leader of CCF (Christ's Commission Fellowship) in the Philippines a huge ministry of house churches and mall based congregations. They are now reaching people at an unprecedented level via digital content across the globe and incorporating many into digital fellowships for discipleship. They have embraced this opportunity with enthusiasm and it will be a part of their strategic vision ongoing.

One of the realities in our world is that fewer and fewer people are coming to church out of spiritual curiosity. But almost all are online so is it possible that in God's sovereign plan, the church was forced to go online in an unprecedented way allowing the Good News to multiply in exponential ways? I fully believe this to be the case. It is also the case that in many cases, those who experience an online service will find their way into a local congregation as is happening with the church I attend, Forest City Church in Rockford and Elgin, IL. Look up Tiny Church on You Tube. 

We didn't ask for or desire Covid. But  nothing happens in our world, good or bad, which does not first pass by the hands of God and which He does not use to build His church. He is doing that today - as He always has. 

The most amazingly Jesus like attitude I have seen in a very long time

 

We live in a deeply divided world where Jesus and the Gospel take second place to our attitudes, politics, friendships and life perspectives. It should be the other way around. Here from the heart of a young woman we see the Jesus perspective that our society and our church so often lacks. It is profound and it can be life changing. Watch this 90 second statement that says more than most of us have said in a lifetime.

https://twitter.com/i/status/1469120871004577797

Attitudes that suck organizational life from boards, teams and organizations

Attitudes are critical to the health or lack of health in any organization, board, team or workplace. I want to suggest that there are four attitudes or behaviors that will suck the life from any team and which should be illegal in the workplace. At least in any workplace that has a commitment to health. 

One: Cynicism instead of optimism

There are among us professional skeptics who see most of life (apart from what they do) from a cynical or skeptical lens. They distrust leaders, often scoff at new ideas, have doubts about most things they are told, live with suspicion of those in authority and generally come at things from a place of negativity.

Cynicism is often hidden in sarcasm, subtle digs at others, attempts to criticize others and their efforts and an attitude that nothing you do is good enough for them. None of these attitudes are designed to build others up but to tear them down. In other words, they are organizational wreckers rather than organizational builders.

I remember a time when I was taking an organization through major change. There were those who said my proposals were simply the flavor of the month and therefore were to be ignored. Others said, "You can do what you want to do TJ but don't expect me to do anything different." Then there were those who took shots from the sidelines and saw all proposed changes through a lens of cynicism, suspicion and negativity. 

In this process, I learned several things. First, such cynicism needed to be directly challenged. It is poison and destructive and kills the health of an organization or a team. The health of an organization is what you create or allow. Allowing these kinds of overt attitudes is to ignore their threat to the whole. Whenever I encountered it, I directly addressed it. Sometimes people got it and changed. Sometimes they didn't and needed to be sidelined so they didn't cause damage. Sometimes they had to be let go. Second, I learned that no leader in the organization could be a cynic and we had a number of those. They needed to be traded out because cynics are not leaders. They are destroyers. 

Great teams and organizations are built on by optimists. Not blind optimists but those who see and call people to a higher level of commitment, innovation, civility and results. They utterly reject cynical attitudes for the poison that they are. 

Two: Pessimism rather than optimism

Pessimism describes the state of mind of someone who always expects the worst. A pessimistic attitude isn't hopeful, shows little optimism, and can be a major downer for everyone else. To be pessimistic means that you believe evil outweighs the good and that bad things are more likely to happen. Someone has aptly said that pessimists find a problem for every solution.

Jesus was no pessimist. He believed that people could change, that heaven could be brought to earth (Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven), that the impossible could be accomplished through His power, that people could be healed and obstacles overcome by faith and the power of the Holy Spirit.

Never (ever) allow a pessimist to serve on your board or in leadership of your organization. They will kill the good that God wants to do because they fundamentally don't believe that it can be done at all. 

Three: Authoritarianism instead of listening and coming to shared decisions

Authoritarianism has its roots in pride rather than in humility. It has a fundamental lack of concern for the wishes, ideas or opinions of others and as such lacks empathy, respect, kindness and the willingness to listen carefully. It is not about team but about me. It is not about dialogue but about telling. 

If you have ever worked for an authoritarian leader, you know how frustrating it can be and how disrespectful it can feel. Authoritarian leaders don't build up or lead from a place of respect for others. In fact, they are quite sure they are right and that you need to comply with their wishes. In fact, leaders who are authoritarian invite cynicism. Their poor EQ solicits equally poor responses.

People who listen well and are willing to come to shared decisions earn great respect from their teams. Those who don't, don't! Relationship comes from dialogue, conversation and listening and relationship is the key to leadership success. 

Four: Judging motives instead of assuming the best

Here is a fascinating truth. You and I always assume that our motives are good and pure and yet we often assume that the motives of others are not. That in itself ought to be enough to indicate that we live with fallen natures. Why do we do this? Essentially we choose to think more highly of ourselves and our motives than we do of others and their motives. Yet, my own experience is that when I judge the motive of others I am almost always wrong. Almost always!

Why is this so destructive? First, because when we judge the motives of others we see them from a lesser perspective. We have already come to the conclusion that they don't deserve our full respect or trust. Second, the moment that this happens, we communicate those attitudes about that individual to others. It may be unconscious but it happens. Thus we hurt them in our eyes and then we hurt them in the eyes of others. If your own motives have ever been judged wrongly you know exactly what I am saying. Judging motives destroys trust and trust is the coinage of good relationships.

Instead of judging motives or assuming a negative intent, what about having a conversation. Most of the time you will walk away with a better understanding and glad that  you didn't simply make assumptions.

Be candid with your staff and board that these kinds of attitudes are off limits if you want to have a healthy staff, group or organization. Each of the toxic attitudes above has an alternative to it. If we move from the toxic to its healthy alternative we can move the dial in relationships and organizational health.