I love meeting gracious leaders. There is a quality that endears them to insiders and outsiders alike. Moreover, they possess essential characteristics that all leaders can emulate and learn from. Here are some of the most important.
I love meeting gracious leaders. There is a quality that endears them to insiders and outsiders alike. Moreover, they possess essential characteristics that all leaders can emulate and learn from. Here are some of the most important.
It is possible to have effective leadership skills and still undermine one's leadership. And this is not only a risk for young leaders for often for leaders that have seen significant success.
I spoke recently with a ministry leader who had resigned from his church staff position (a large church) because of the dysfunctional culture that he sensed. Having left the "system," he now realizes that it was a great deal more dysfunctional than he thought, and he is so glad to be out of it. When we are in a "closed" system that is dysfunctional or toxic, we may sense that not all is right, but it is when we get out that we realize how dysfunctional it was. This applies to staff systems as well as whole congregations where there is significant dishealth. Such dysfunction can be part of the historic DNA of the church, a dysfunctional board, a dysfunctional leader, or a "church boss" who wields unhealthy power and has a personal agenda.
These same dynamics play out on church boards!
What are some of the signs of a closed and dysfunctional ministry system?
Learning to lead well is learned the hard way over time. I took time recently to consider what I know today that I needed to understand better as a young leader. It is a long list that simply says how little I knew about good leadership as a young leader. The raw stuff was there, but there was and is much to learn. If you fit that young leader category, these may be things to consider.
One of the most difficult challenges many staff teams face is a leader who has new ideas on a frequent basis. Those new ideas can set off a chain of changes that reverberate through the staff and organization as there is a scramble to implement the newest version of the leader's vision or strategy.
Any change that comes from the top impacts the organization. And changes are absolutely necessary from time to time.
The challenge comes when a leader frequently tries new ideas as they seek the holy grail of organizational success without understanding the disorienting nature of what they think are simple (and brilliant) ideas.
For the leader, the new solution seems obvious and simple. For staff, the new solution often creates frustration as their prior efforts to implement the last great idea are now supplanted by the need to scrap that work and work on a new strategy. This can create cynicism among staff who scramble to keep up with the latest strategy. Sometimes those new ideas are called the "flavor of the month" as staff knows there will be a new idea soon.
Resisting this temptation is part of the maturity growth of a leader.
This is not about resisting change. It is about being wise and managing change properly. How one does change management matters because many are impacted. Frequent changes indicate that the leader himself/herself is not clear as to where they are going. Lack of clarity in the mind of a leader is problematic!
A leader who frequently changes their mind or strategies often has not done the hard work of clarifying the organization's direction. Clarity of the organization's identity and what they are about must always precede strategies. When strategies come without organizational clarity, you simply get chaos as leaders throw ideas at the wall to see what may or may not stick.
Wise leaders are clear on who the organization is and where it is going. In addition, they vet any proposed changes with other leaders to ensure that they have considered the unintended consequences of their decisions. And, they talk candidly with those who will be affected by the new direction so that staff is not taken by surprise.
In my leadership history, I have waited up to a year to make a proposed change until I knew I had the support and understanding of the leadership team. I learned that I could not make unilateral changes but needed the wisdom and support of those around me to negotiate change successfully. That helped ensure I didn't act precipitously and create organizational whiplash. The counsel of others kept me from making changes too quickly, but I had to learn to work with my senior team rather than make unilateral decisions.
Clarity and care in the change process are part of a leader's maturity growth. Guided change based on clear objectives can keep leaders from creating whiplash with their staff.
Churches spend an inordinate amount of energy to attract those who need Jesus to their ministry. This includes high-energy worship, attractive spaces, first-impression ministries, branding, swag, food, and seeking to differentiate one's ministry from others in the area.
Nothing is wrong with these efforts except that they often miss the most important magnet any church could have.
Ask yourself this question: What attracted people to Jesus? Think about that for a moment. Why did people want to be around Jesus? Why did they flock to hear Him? Or want to spend time with Him?
The answer is very simple: It was the way he loved people, accepted them, and demonstrated grace to them. He was the safest, most loving, grace-filled, merciful, and kind individual people had ever met.
How many congregations have you experienced that have those qualities? When one finds that kind of community, it is a powerful magnet because it is a community that embraces a Jesus culture. No program, branding, swag, or first impressions ministry can compete with that kind of community.
Jesus is the brand. His culture is the brand. His love is the brand. All the ancillary stuff is nice, but what attracts people is the culture of Jesus.
Is it possible that in the absence of that kind of love, we try to find other ways to attract people to our ministry?
What would happen if we focused on helping people to look, live and love like Jesus? What if that was our strategy to attract people to our ministry?
Not a program. Not a slogan. Not an initiative. Rather, a sustained, unchanging emphasis on developing people to look, live and love like Jesus: To love God with all our heart, soul, and mind and to love others as Jesus has loved us.
I would come - and stay - and many others would as well.
Let's not confuse our strategies for the ONE THING Jesus demonstrated and taught. They will know me by your love. That is the best attractional strategy any congregation could ever have. Bring the best you have. Be as friendly and welcoming as possible, but major in training people to look, live and love like Jesus. That is the greatest magnet. The rest is extra. Love is central. Jesus is the brand!
Congregations are supposed to be friendly, warm, kind, and welcoming spaces. In fact, if your church is indicative, it probably has a "first impressions" ministry to ensure that new folks are welcomed and feel at home. This is as it should be because it can be daunting to walk into a new space and feel genuinely at home.
The problem is that, in many cases, church relationships are not genuine. They are a lie. They are faux relationships that exist as long as you fit into the faux community that pretends it is a genuine community. It is a Potemkin village where it looks beautiful, but the beauty is a facade.
Here are indicators that what you think is real is false and faux. If you leave a church for whatever reason, do people quit talking to you? Are the relationships over? It happens all the time because in leaving, you have violated the rules that we are together - a community. The truth is that in those situations, you were not a real community but a pseudo-community that exists as long as you are on the inside. Once on the outside, those relationships simply disappear.
If you ask hard questions and irritate leaders or staff and they stop talking to you, you know that the relationships you thought you had were not genuine. They were false and faux. You have been effectively shunned and sent outside the camp, and you realize that what you thought was community was only community when you conformed to the group.
The indicator of faux relationships is how quickly one can go from being on the inside to finding oneself on the outside. It is disorienting and crazymaking. How did you go from being a valued community member to a pariah in such a short time? And you ask yourself, was what I had real? And you conclude that it was not. All of a sudden, people don't talk to you, don't care for you, and you know that you have been put outside the "loving circle" of that congregation. In fact, you are no longer wanted!
Why does this matter? It matters because faux relationships are relationships of convenience - but they are not genuine relationships. They do not express the love that Jesus has for us and that we are to have for one another, which emanate deeply from the heart and persist in good and bad times, in times of agreement and disagreement. Real love is not easily destroyed or walked away from. Yet we do this in the church all the time. You are either on the inside or the outside!
I know people who have abandoned church altogether after experiencing faux relationships. The realization that they were loved and appreciated only when they toed the party line was a bitter pill to swallow. They realize that they were not loved at all.
There is a pragmatism that drives faux relationships. We won't find and retain new people if we are not a welcoming church. But we will not invest in those relationships because that takes time and effort. We want the community without the effort to actually build community. "Life Together," as Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes in his classic volume, is way too deep a commitment. So, in many churches, relationships look real but are not.
In an irony, Bonhoeffer says this about Christian community. "The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community." Here lies the reason there are so many faux relationships in the church. We have a dream of a community. We have slogans for that dream. We idolize that dream, but we don't actually choose to love those around us, and our dream destroys the very concept of a real community.
I have experienced this phenomenon at times in my own church experience. It is painful, sad and disorienting. The good news is that it convinced me that what I had was fake and that what I wanted was genuine. But it was deeply painful nonetheless. I invested that period of my life in a dream of community rather than in a real community. I, for one, want the real thing.
Don't settle for faux relationships in the church. They are fake, won't stand the test of time, and don't reflect the real love Jesus calls us to have for one another.
If you are a church leader, I don't care what your dream for community is. Remember the words of Bonhoeffer, "The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community."
Straight up, let me say that I believe in a plurality of leadership for the church. It is how God designed it, and when it functions well, it is a beautiful thing. However, having been a pastor, church leader, board member, and consultant to church boards for over 30 years, I know they can be deeply frustrating. Most of that frustration is self-imposed in that we don't pay attention to some fundamental principles that, if followed, would move the experience of many from deeply frustrating to deeply satisfying.
What are those fundamentals?
1. Guard the gate to who gets on the board! Get the wrong people, and you sabotage the board. The most powerful group in the church, bar none, are those who make leadership board selections. Healthy boards always insert themselves into that process to ensure the wrong people don't get on. Three to six years with the wrong individuals is deadly to boards. Be smart in how you choose leaders.
2. Understand your role. Boards are responsible for ensuring that the congregation is taught, protected, led, empowered and, released, cared for and that the spiritual temperature in the congregation is kept high. Many boards don't even have a job description, let alone focus on the right things. A focus on the wrong things hurts the board and the church. My book, High Impact Church Boards can be a help.
3. Spend quality time in prayer together. Most boards don't! They get so caught up in the minutia of details (that someone else could do) that they don't have time to pray, think, study the word together, and seek the counsel of the Lord of the church they serve as undershepherds. When business and administration crowd out prayer, it is a sign that the board is moving in a dangerous direction.
4. Use an agenda and allow the chair to prioritize what is important and what is not. Not all rocks are big rocks. Some are pebbles and sand that someone else should deal with. Leaders deal with big rocks and delegate everything that can and should be delegated. Many leaders serve their "time" and then retire from church boards precisely because they don't focus on what is important, and as leaders, they want to do that.
5. Always operate with a board covenant that spells out how members relate to one another, make decisions, and handle conflict and members' expectations - including how to handle recalcitrant board members. Boards operate without such a covenant at their own risk.
6. Lead boldly and help the congregation become the people God wants them to be. Timid leadership in the church in epidemic! And deeply sad. One of the reasons many congregations have so little spiritual influence beyond the edges of their parking lot goes right back to the timid leadership of their leaders. Remember, we lead on behalf of Jesus.
7. When there are elephants in the room, name them and deal with them honestly and sensitively. Too many church boards ignore the true issues of the church because we don't want to offend anyone. The irony is that we all know they exist and need to be dealt with, so we might as well name them because once named, they are no longer elephants but simply issues to be dealt with.
8. Evaluate how you are doing as a board. Here are 15 simple questions that will tell you a great deal about the health of your board. Have your board spend ten minutes answering the questions, and you will have some fodder for discussion that can help you improve your board, its leadership, and your experience.
Guerrilla warfare is unconventional and hard to anticipate and contain as it operates in the shadows but pops into the light from time to time. The same is true of passive-aggressive behavior within organizations. It is a way of quietly subverting something or someone in the shadows and behind the scenes while portraying an attitude of cooperation. This is why I have elsewhere called the behavior a form of dishonesty. It portrays one thing and actually does another.
Our world is filled with naysayers: those with little vision, small faith, high fear, and frankly, don't believe God can do great things. This is true in the church, missions, and various Christian organizations. The book written years ago, "Your God is Too Small," applies today.
Small vision, little faith, and high fear factors to try something significant for God are responsible for much of the lack of fruit in many ministries. Board members who say, "we've never done that before," pastors who are comfortable with the status quo, and missionaries who don't really believe that God can break in and do something because of the "hard soil" all contribute to ministry initiatives that lack vision and faith or entrepreneurial spirit. It is life in the comfort zone of diminished and empty faith rather than a life lived on faith that God can do what we cannot do!In my many years of working with churches, I have encountered many situations where the culture of the staff is unhealthy. In many cases, these are good churches with vibrant ministries, and congregants would not necessarily know there are internal challenges. Although, inevitably, dishealth at the staff level does spill out into the congregation. It is usually only a matter of time.
Who is responsible for creating a healthy staff culture? That always falls to the senior leader who sets the tone. While they don't do this alone, they are the gatekeepers for ensuring it happens. While there are many facets to a healthy culture, I would argue that the following are critical:
Identity is a tricky thing. Who am I, really? What gives me ultimate worth? Where do I find acceptance and a sense of purpose?
I meet many individuals in ministry who are in a hurry! A hurry to make their mark. A hurry to have influence. A hurry to prove something to someone that they are somebody and something. In their hurry, they often get out in front of God, circumvent what He wants to build in their lives, and end up being less of what they could be had they been patient and waited for God to do His work. I know because I have been there as well.
While we are often in a hurry, God is not. He is more concerned with what He wants to build in our lives than what we can build for Him. We are focused on what we can build for Him, while He is focused on what He wants to make in us. Those are two very different concerns.
Consider the characters we read of in Scripture. Jacob, for instance, was impressed enough with his abilities and dreams that he angered his brothers, who sold him into slavery. Once in Egypt, he ignored the advances of his master's wife and ended up in jail - for a long time. He, who would become second only to the Pharaoh of Egypt, lived in obscurity for many years as God built him into who He wanted him to be. He was in a hurry when he was young, but God was not. And what God made in his heart during those years was amazing.
Moses was a guy in a hurry when he was young, and his encounter with an Egyptian slave master whom he killed caused him to run for his life at forty. For the next forty years, he tended his father-in-law's herds till, at 80, he was ready for his most significant assignment. By then, Moses was not in a hurry, but God knew he was ready and drafted him over his many objections.
This week, I heard of a pastor who, years ago, took members of the church he pastored to start another church. He was not patient enough to work hard to bring all his people along, so he split. Today, he says this. "I was in a hurry when I should have been patient. These past years have not gone well; it is all my fault. Things would have worked out in the original church had I waited, but I had something to prove, and it didn't work out well." He had tried to get ahead of God and, in a moment of humility, admitted that he should have waited and allowed God to work. His new church never worked out well, and they will probably not survive much longer.
Don't try to outpace God. Even Paul, after his conversion, had some years of obscurity as he was coached and prepped by God for his major assignment of spreading the Gospel among the Gentiles.
When we are in a hurry, we miss out on what God wants to do. Depth takes time. It cannot be hurried! Many leaders mistake short-term success for long-term effectiveness. This is often true of highly gifted ministry leaders who are so driven to prove they can succeed that they do not take the time to develop a deep core. They settle for surface wins.
We may be in a hurry, but God isn't, and His timetable is the one that will allow us to have the most significant impact.