One of the risks of Christian leadership is that others often put them on a pedestal, looking up to that leader as if they were from another species, seeing only the good stuff and none of the bad stuff. It really is a bad place to be for any number of reasons, least of which is that when the pedestal breaks it is painful for both the leaders and those who put them there.
I also know leaders who love to be on the pedestal. They like the adulation, the otherness and the position it gives them. And, it insulates them from much of the scrutiny because the more removed they are the less others are able to challenge them. You don't say honest or hard things to unapproachable people - like leaders who foster a certain elevation from others.
My advice to those who work for leaders who like the pedestal is that one does not treat them with deference, but like everyone else. They may not like it but allowing them to be treated as special only feeds the unhealthy side of their leadership. I resolved long ago that I would always be respectful but never feed the egos of unhealthy leaders.
For the rest of us who may be put on pedestals by others, I have four suggestions. First, be candid about those things you can be candid about. We have the same struggles as everyone else. Being honest about those struggles helps others understand we are not different.
Second, be approachable. The more approachable we are the more human we will be while the more unapproachable we are the more "otherness" we foster. Let people get to know you as much as possible.
Third, be real. Pretense is dishonesty while just being real about who we are is honesty. The more transparent we are, the more human we are and the less others will elevate us.
Fourth, be humble. Humility is self effacing while pride elevates self.
I have a good friend about whom people say, "He is without guile." I love that description. It is who I want to be. As such, I will not cooperate with anyone who wants to live on a pedestal or put me on one (God forbid).
Showing posts with label personal growth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal growth. Show all posts
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Pride and Christian Leadership
Personal pride and Christian leadership are fundamentally incompatible with one another.
Signs of pride are easy to spot:
Think about this: Pride elevates self but we are to elevate Jesus. Pride says "I accomplished this" when in reality anything of spiritual significance was accomplished by God's power. Pride says, "I made something of myself" when in fact God gave us our skills and wiring as a gift to be used for Him. Pride thinks that our success is a reflection of our greatness when in effect, it is simply a gift from God.
If anyone had a right to pride it was Jesus but where do you see it? He claimed to speak the words of the Father, do the will of the Father and gave all the glory to the Father. He lived for the Father's glory rather than His own. When His disciples vied for position and glory He rebuked them saying that they were living by the world's values not kingdom values.
The life of Jesus was one of humble dependence and servant leadership. Paul had the same mindset committed to boasting about one thing only - the cross of Christ. He took no credit for his accomplishments, great as they were but gave all the credit to God. He knew that "when he was weak, then he was strong," because it was all about God's power, not his wisdom or power.
Why is there so much pride, so many egos and may I say it, narcissism among Christian leaders? It does not square with the life of Jesus or the life of Paul or the teaching of Scripture. We are nothing without God. My ability to write blogs and books is simply a gift I have been given. The leadership skills I have were also a gift from God to be used in trust for Him. What do I have to boast about except that God was gracious to me? And if I do take the credit am I not stealing credit from the One who rightly deserves all of it?
It is no wonder that many Christian leaders have major blow ups in their lives and ministries. Pride elevates self and minimizes Jesus and the greater the elevation of ourselves and the minimization of Jesus the more dangerous territory we are in. Narcissism is the ultimate elevation of self and rejection of Him. Once it becomes about us we have lost all ability to lead on His behalf. It is not that God abandons us, we have abandoned Him for all practical purposes.
It was pride that caused Satan to rebel against God. It was pride that prompted Adam and Eve to eat of the tree. It is pride that causes us to elevate ourselves but to the extent we do we are minimizing God. And that is a dangerous path to walk. Our hearts are indeed deceitful above all things. Guarding our hearts against pride is job one of anyone in Christian leadership.
Signs of pride are easy to spot:
- Loving the praise we get from others
- Name dropping - we are on the in with the big shots
- Letting others know how big and successful our ministries are
- Not listening to others - we have the answers
- Letting others know we are in charge
- Taking credit for success
- Blaming others for failure
- Ignoring our shadow side
- Narcissism (there is a lot of it in Christian leadership)
- Elevating ourselves
- Defensiveness (pride central)
- Putting others down
Think about this: Pride elevates self but we are to elevate Jesus. Pride says "I accomplished this" when in reality anything of spiritual significance was accomplished by God's power. Pride says, "I made something of myself" when in fact God gave us our skills and wiring as a gift to be used for Him. Pride thinks that our success is a reflection of our greatness when in effect, it is simply a gift from God.
If anyone had a right to pride it was Jesus but where do you see it? He claimed to speak the words of the Father, do the will of the Father and gave all the glory to the Father. He lived for the Father's glory rather than His own. When His disciples vied for position and glory He rebuked them saying that they were living by the world's values not kingdom values.
The life of Jesus was one of humble dependence and servant leadership. Paul had the same mindset committed to boasting about one thing only - the cross of Christ. He took no credit for his accomplishments, great as they were but gave all the credit to God. He knew that "when he was weak, then he was strong," because it was all about God's power, not his wisdom or power.
Why is there so much pride, so many egos and may I say it, narcissism among Christian leaders? It does not square with the life of Jesus or the life of Paul or the teaching of Scripture. We are nothing without God. My ability to write blogs and books is simply a gift I have been given. The leadership skills I have were also a gift from God to be used in trust for Him. What do I have to boast about except that God was gracious to me? And if I do take the credit am I not stealing credit from the One who rightly deserves all of it?
It is no wonder that many Christian leaders have major blow ups in their lives and ministries. Pride elevates self and minimizes Jesus and the greater the elevation of ourselves and the minimization of Jesus the more dangerous territory we are in. Narcissism is the ultimate elevation of self and rejection of Him. Once it becomes about us we have lost all ability to lead on His behalf. It is not that God abandons us, we have abandoned Him for all practical purposes.
It was pride that caused Satan to rebel against God. It was pride that prompted Adam and Eve to eat of the tree. It is pride that causes us to elevate ourselves but to the extent we do we are minimizing God. And that is a dangerous path to walk. Our hearts are indeed deceitful above all things. Guarding our hearts against pride is job one of anyone in Christian leadership.
Friday, April 27, 2012
When the true us shows up!
Who is the real me and the real you? Sometimes we are not who people think we are as there is a public persona of who we hope people see us as and the real us that is not always in alignment with that persona.
The real us does pop out from time to time and it comes in interesting ways: when we face a deep crisis, when we are unjustly accused, when we are confronted over an issue in our life or when we lose our jobs. All of these situations (and I am sure more) bring to the surface that which is most deeply hidden in our hearts. Here is where the true test of character lies - for better for worse.
Most of us pay too little attention to the words of Jesus that what comes out of a man is what is actually in a man. Most of us can manage our emotions and actions well enough in public forgetting that the most authentic version of us is being forged deep in our hearts in quiet times and hidden places that others do not see. This is where our deepest convictions are forged, our most authentic faith is developed and our character is hammered out.
When crisis comes it is those convictions, that faith and that character that emerges in all of its depth or shallowness. Because it is in these times that we don't manage our emotions and responses well. Rather what is there is what emerges for all to see. Often it is not pretty. Sometimes is it amazingly Christ-like. The difference is what was forged in the deepest places of our lives.
When faith, patience, trust in God's sovereignty and kindness toward others, even our accusers shows up in a crisis situation you know that it comes from a core of spiritual health. When bitterness, anger, accusations, and self serving actions and attitudes show up in crisis you know that it comes from a core of spiritual dishealth.
For what is forged on the inside is what will surface in difficult times.
Who is the real you? The authentic you? Are you forging in deep places and quiet ways the faith, character and convictions that will show up unexpectedly when hard times come - as they inevitably do? The test of our true self is not how we act on a good day but how we handle ourselves on a truly bad and awful day.
The real us does pop out from time to time and it comes in interesting ways: when we face a deep crisis, when we are unjustly accused, when we are confronted over an issue in our life or when we lose our jobs. All of these situations (and I am sure more) bring to the surface that which is most deeply hidden in our hearts. Here is where the true test of character lies - for better for worse.
Most of us pay too little attention to the words of Jesus that what comes out of a man is what is actually in a man. Most of us can manage our emotions and actions well enough in public forgetting that the most authentic version of us is being forged deep in our hearts in quiet times and hidden places that others do not see. This is where our deepest convictions are forged, our most authentic faith is developed and our character is hammered out.
When crisis comes it is those convictions, that faith and that character that emerges in all of its depth or shallowness. Because it is in these times that we don't manage our emotions and responses well. Rather what is there is what emerges for all to see. Often it is not pretty. Sometimes is it amazingly Christ-like. The difference is what was forged in the deepest places of our lives.
When faith, patience, trust in God's sovereignty and kindness toward others, even our accusers shows up in a crisis situation you know that it comes from a core of spiritual health. When bitterness, anger, accusations, and self serving actions and attitudes show up in crisis you know that it comes from a core of spiritual dishealth.
For what is forged on the inside is what will surface in difficult times.
Who is the real you? The authentic you? Are you forging in deep places and quiet ways the faith, character and convictions that will show up unexpectedly when hard times come - as they inevitably do? The test of our true self is not how we act on a good day but how we handle ourselves on a truly bad and awful day.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
The dangers of prolonged weariness
Our bodies and minds are made to run sprints and for a time marathons but we cannot be running continuously or for long seasons without hitting a danger zone. Weariness over a long period of time is debilitating to our bodies, our minds, and our souls.
Weariness to our bodies may seem the most obvious and it can cause complications. After a number of health issues, when my body becomes weary I am more prone to illness so physical weariness is a sign to me that I need to back off.
Mental weariness is not unlike driving when deeply tired. Responses are slower, reactions are often overreactions, and just as a tired driver becomes dangerous so do tired leaders. When tired, we do not think as sharply, our emotions are not as carefully regulated, and we are more prone to treat others without the care, diplomacy and concern for their well being that is normal. Tired leaders often use and abuse staff, often unintentionally.
Tired leaders are far more prone to make errors of judgement including overestimating or underestimating responses to decisions that are made. Fatigue fogs judgement.
Of all the areas of fatigue, heart or soul fatigue is the most dangerous because it goes to the core of who we are and if we lose our true north at the heart and soul level, we lose our inner compass and here we are at the most risk. The evil one knows our default switches to deal with heart and soul weariness and we are at our most vulnerable in that place.
Weariness and fatigue are a plea of our body for rest. We ignore it to our peril and put ourselves at risk if the weariness is prolonged. It is a bad place to be.
Weariness to our bodies may seem the most obvious and it can cause complications. After a number of health issues, when my body becomes weary I am more prone to illness so physical weariness is a sign to me that I need to back off.
Mental weariness is not unlike driving when deeply tired. Responses are slower, reactions are often overreactions, and just as a tired driver becomes dangerous so do tired leaders. When tired, we do not think as sharply, our emotions are not as carefully regulated, and we are more prone to treat others without the care, diplomacy and concern for their well being that is normal. Tired leaders often use and abuse staff, often unintentionally.
Tired leaders are far more prone to make errors of judgement including overestimating or underestimating responses to decisions that are made. Fatigue fogs judgement.
Of all the areas of fatigue, heart or soul fatigue is the most dangerous because it goes to the core of who we are and if we lose our true north at the heart and soul level, we lose our inner compass and here we are at the most risk. The evil one knows our default switches to deal with heart and soul weariness and we are at our most vulnerable in that place.
Weariness and fatigue are a plea of our body for rest. We ignore it to our peril and put ourselves at risk if the weariness is prolonged. It is a bad place to be.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Five choices to avoid the dangerous false gods of ministry
Yesterday I wrote on the Dangerous and false ministry Gods of success, recognition, power and money. It generated unusual interest which did not surprise me given the propensity of leaders to allow these false gods to capture them. I hope leaders read it and I suspect that many staff and constituents read it since they are often the first to see their leaders moving down this destructive route.
In my experience, those who walk down this route have five common characteristics: They have neglected their inner life because of their busyness; they start to believe their own press; they stop listening to people they used to listen to and now listen only to those who tell them what they want to hear; they start to divide people into friends, those who agree with them and enemies, those who don't, and finally they have become significantly isolated from others.
In other words, leaders make choices about how they live which can lead them down paths that are exceedingly dangerous to their personal lives, families, relationship with god and ultimately ministry effectiveness. Or, they can embrace lifestyles that will keep them in safe waters. Either way these are leadership choices and not random events of fate.
1. I will modify my schedule so that there is time to think, reflect, spend time with God and time with key life friends. Our schedules are dangerous if not carefully regulated because they squeeze out margin necessary for time with God and for introspection, keep us from deep interactions with others, suck our spiritual lives dry and keep us on the edge of fatigue.
This is clearly not how Jesus lived and it is clearly not how our physical or spiritual bodies were meant to function well. Only we can make the choice to slow down. With time, one can press deeply into God's word, evaluating our lives against what He wants of us and taking the time to compare our lives against that of Jesus.
2. I will not listen to or believe the press that others give me because while some of it may be true, I know the real me and the real me is much less impressive than the public me. Believing what others say about us is choosing to become delusional about who we really are. We are deeply flawed and broken sinners and the very fact we get caught up with false ministry gods is proof of our brokenness.
The moment I allow others to put me on a pedestal and I start to believe their words as gospel, I am entering an "alternate reality field" which most of those around us know is not true but which we choose to buy into. Jesus was unimpressed by the accolades of others because He knew how fickle people can be.
3. I will continue to dialogue with those who have been truth tellers to me in the past. There is one caveat here. Those who have been faithful friends in the past will not always press into to a leader who is walking down a destructive path. This is because they intuitively understand that the individual does not really want to hear what they have to say.
Thus it is incumbent on the leader to proactively ask these faithful friends what they see in their lives today and then to listen. Often they will not like to hear what they will hear but those are the wounds of faithful friends. Again, we make the choice.
4. I will not divide people into camps (friends - those who are loyal and agree with me) and (enemies - those who disagree with me and are therefore no longer loyal). Ironically those who disagree with us when we are walking down these paths are the most faithful friends we could ever have and those who agree with us are usually simply desiring to be on the in with fame and someone important like fans flock to rock stars. It is at this stage that wise leaders are deeply discerning about who their friends really are and who the "groupies" are.
5. I will not isolate myself from friendships, those I am accountable to, those who have spoken into my life faithfully in the past or from those around me.Isolation breeds a skewed view of reality because those who isolate themselves with a leader like this tell them what they want to hear, not what they need to hear. Isolation in any walk of life is dangerous. Isolation is particularly dangerous for those chasing false ministry gods.
Why is this so important? Because unchecked, these behaviors lead to what I call a Spiritual Narcissism whose outcomes are sad indeed.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Dangerous and subtle false ministry gods
Ministry is a funny thing. By definition it is about serving Christ. But, just as the world has many false gods so do those in professional ministry. These gods often take the place of or get in the way of the God we are here to serve. They can creep up on us slowly but once entrenched they become agents of deceit that turn our eyes from the One we serve to ourselves because each of these false ministry gods are ultimately about us. They are not about Jesus.
The false god of success. We want ministry results but those very results when they become our obsession turn our eyes from Jesus to whatever definition of success we are measured by. The church becomes about numbers and programs and not about Jesus. We start to measure our dollars and budgets and not life transformation. Our buildings, facilities, programs, budgets, staff, technology, cutting edge strategies become our gods and lost in our drive for success is the one we serve, Jesus.
The false god of recognition. Lets be honest. Most of us like recognition and some of us crave it. And ministry is a perfect platform for it because in addition to being somebody, we have the extra benefit of being able to say we do it for Jesus which is considered noble and self sacrificing. Actually, when recognition is our god, it is self aggrandizement and selfishness hiding behind the guise of ministry. The need for recognition from others rather than the smile of Jesus is a false god and one that is dangerously seductive. Whenever our ministry begins to feed our ego we are on dangerous ground.
The false god of power. This is a common false god of those in ministry leadership. It starts innocently enough perhaps - we need to lead. That leadership, however, brings with it power and the ability to control events and people. That power can become an instrument to fuel our false god of recognition and success and it is a great platform to exercise control over others. We can easily enough hide behind our mandate to lead and all the while feed a desire to exercise power over others. Ironically, the one we lead on the behalf of, Jesus, served those He led rather than controlling them.
The false god of money. Ministry needs a certain amount of funding but that resource can easily become a god that drives us. When we start to pursue ministry funding more than we do Jesus, we substitute our resources for His power and provision. We become proud of our budgets and ability to raise funds and start to rely on our funding more than the One who is the ultimate source of all that we need. If only I had more funds we think, I could do more ministry when in reality if we had more of Jesus and His power we would see more true ministry fruit.
False gods are substitutes for Jesus whether we pursue them in the guise of ministry or in the secular arena. Those in ministry are no less susceptible to the lure of false gods than the rest of society. We simply have a different platform from which to pursue them. More importantly, however, since we do it under the guise of serving Jesus, they are perhaps even more devious and dangerous and harder for us to spot in our own lives.
The issue of our deepest motivations is one that only we and Jesus can truly know but if we fool ourselves we are chasing something other than the Jesus we think we are serving. The only antidote is staying close to Jesus, constantly staying in tune with the motivations that drive us and surrounding ourselves with people who can speak truth into our lives. And, we need to be constantly aware that we are always in danger of pursuing false gods rather than Jesus.
The false god of success. We want ministry results but those very results when they become our obsession turn our eyes from Jesus to whatever definition of success we are measured by. The church becomes about numbers and programs and not about Jesus. We start to measure our dollars and budgets and not life transformation. Our buildings, facilities, programs, budgets, staff, technology, cutting edge strategies become our gods and lost in our drive for success is the one we serve, Jesus.
The false god of recognition. Lets be honest. Most of us like recognition and some of us crave it. And ministry is a perfect platform for it because in addition to being somebody, we have the extra benefit of being able to say we do it for Jesus which is considered noble and self sacrificing. Actually, when recognition is our god, it is self aggrandizement and selfishness hiding behind the guise of ministry. The need for recognition from others rather than the smile of Jesus is a false god and one that is dangerously seductive. Whenever our ministry begins to feed our ego we are on dangerous ground.
The false god of power. This is a common false god of those in ministry leadership. It starts innocently enough perhaps - we need to lead. That leadership, however, brings with it power and the ability to control events and people. That power can become an instrument to fuel our false god of recognition and success and it is a great platform to exercise control over others. We can easily enough hide behind our mandate to lead and all the while feed a desire to exercise power over others. Ironically, the one we lead on the behalf of, Jesus, served those He led rather than controlling them.
The false god of money. Ministry needs a certain amount of funding but that resource can easily become a god that drives us. When we start to pursue ministry funding more than we do Jesus, we substitute our resources for His power and provision. We become proud of our budgets and ability to raise funds and start to rely on our funding more than the One who is the ultimate source of all that we need. If only I had more funds we think, I could do more ministry when in reality if we had more of Jesus and His power we would see more true ministry fruit.
False gods are substitutes for Jesus whether we pursue them in the guise of ministry or in the secular arena. Those in ministry are no less susceptible to the lure of false gods than the rest of society. We simply have a different platform from which to pursue them. More importantly, however, since we do it under the guise of serving Jesus, they are perhaps even more devious and dangerous and harder for us to spot in our own lives.
The issue of our deepest motivations is one that only we and Jesus can truly know but if we fool ourselves we are chasing something other than the Jesus we think we are serving. The only antidote is staying close to Jesus, constantly staying in tune with the motivations that drive us and surrounding ourselves with people who can speak truth into our lives. And, we need to be constantly aware that we are always in danger of pursuing false gods rather than Jesus.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Insecure Leaders and their impact on others
One of the greatest gifts staff can receive is a secure leader. Unfortunately, in the ministry world there are a great number of insecure leaders. This results in behaviors that can seriously impact those who work for them.
Here are some of the signs of an insecure leader:
-Defensiveness when someone disagrees with them
-A need to be right
-A need to assert their "authority"
-Inability to empower others
-A need to control others
-A need to manage their reputation
-Inability to engage in candid dialogue
-Lack of personal transparency
-An unhealthy need to be liked
-A tendency to marginalize those who they perceive to be threats to them
-Often threatened by those around them who are more competent than they are
-An inability to chart a consistent course
All of these descriptors have a negative impact on those who work for insecure leaders. Ironically, insecurity is often hidden by an exaggerated sense of authority and leadership - a facade that hides an insecurity in both areas.
Personal security starts with being OK with who God made me to be - both my strengths and weaknesses. It results in an attitude that says, "I have nothing to prove and nothing to lose." If that is true, I don't have to pretend I am something I am not, I don't need to be right and I value the contributions of others as much as I do mine. It also means that I don't need to compete with others and don't compare myself with others.
Security is rooted in an understanding that God fashioned me as He chose, is happy with how He made me. Insecurity is rooted in trying to prove to God and others that we have value. Thus insecurity is a theological issue in our lives. It comes out of an incomplete understanding of God and His view of us. Until we resolve this incomplete understanding we will suffer from the pain of insecurity and the need to prove ourselves to God and others.
For those leaders who struggle from insecurity, and there are many, it is critical that they embark on a journey of personal growth. Most can overcome this deficit and lead from a healthier place. For those who do not, the implications for their leadership are many, and negative. Their behaviors create disempowerment and dishealth for their staff and those around them. If you work for an insecure leader you know exactly what I mean.
Here are some of the signs of an insecure leader:
-Defensiveness when someone disagrees with them
-A need to be right
-A need to assert their "authority"
-Inability to empower others
-A need to control others
-A need to manage their reputation
-Inability to engage in candid dialogue
-Lack of personal transparency
-An unhealthy need to be liked
-A tendency to marginalize those who they perceive to be threats to them
-Often threatened by those around them who are more competent than they are
-An inability to chart a consistent course
All of these descriptors have a negative impact on those who work for insecure leaders. Ironically, insecurity is often hidden by an exaggerated sense of authority and leadership - a facade that hides an insecurity in both areas.
Personal security starts with being OK with who God made me to be - both my strengths and weaknesses. It results in an attitude that says, "I have nothing to prove and nothing to lose." If that is true, I don't have to pretend I am something I am not, I don't need to be right and I value the contributions of others as much as I do mine. It also means that I don't need to compete with others and don't compare myself with others.
Security is rooted in an understanding that God fashioned me as He chose, is happy with how He made me. Insecurity is rooted in trying to prove to God and others that we have value. Thus insecurity is a theological issue in our lives. It comes out of an incomplete understanding of God and His view of us. Until we resolve this incomplete understanding we will suffer from the pain of insecurity and the need to prove ourselves to God and others.
For those leaders who struggle from insecurity, and there are many, it is critical that they embark on a journey of personal growth. Most can overcome this deficit and lead from a healthier place. For those who do not, the implications for their leadership are many, and negative. Their behaviors create disempowerment and dishealth for their staff and those around them. If you work for an insecure leader you know exactly what I mean.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Does your life have focus? Three simple questions.
Every one of us has a call from God on our lives. And no matter what stage of life we are in He wants us to live our lives with purpose, passion and intentionality. Life is precious and it moves quickly.
Think about this question: What does God want me to accomplish in the next five years? Try to answer that question with three or less descriptors. Focus matters. What does He want you to focus on? Coming to clarity on that one question can make all the difference in our lives.
A second question: How well am I doing in ensuring that my calendar and activity reflect those God given priorities? It is very easy for the urgent to push out the important. Or, for distractions to keep us from focusing on our God given assignment.
A third question: What do I need to jettison if I am going to accomplish what is truly important. All of us accumulate activities and obligations that over time weigh us down and keep us from focusing on the truly important. It is not a bad thing to let some of it go for a higher calling.
All of us want to leave a legacy. Remember, however that legacies are rarely accidental. They come because we understand God's priorities for our lives and lived them out with intentionality. With that intentionality comes a significant level of joy and satisfaction knowing that we are fulfilling God's calling on our lives.
Think about this question: What does God want me to accomplish in the next five years? Try to answer that question with three or less descriptors. Focus matters. What does He want you to focus on? Coming to clarity on that one question can make all the difference in our lives.
A second question: How well am I doing in ensuring that my calendar and activity reflect those God given priorities? It is very easy for the urgent to push out the important. Or, for distractions to keep us from focusing on our God given assignment.
A third question: What do I need to jettison if I am going to accomplish what is truly important. All of us accumulate activities and obligations that over time weigh us down and keep us from focusing on the truly important. It is not a bad thing to let some of it go for a higher calling.
All of us want to leave a legacy. Remember, however that legacies are rarely accidental. They come because we understand God's priorities for our lives and lived them out with intentionality. With that intentionality comes a significant level of joy and satisfaction knowing that we are fulfilling God's calling on our lives.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Eleven things your younger leaders need to learn
Those of us who lead at any level are responsible for raising up the next generation of leaders behind us. Frequently we focus on leadership skills. Just as important, if not more, however is the development of the inner life of a leader from which their leadership will emerge.
I would like to suggest that there are eleven practices or disciplines that all leaders must have in order to be effective. If we can help the next generation leaders understand and live out these practices they will be well served. If they don't get these things they will not lead well.
I would like to suggest that there are eleven practices or disciplines that all leaders must have in order to be effective. If we can help the next generation leaders understand and live out these practices they will be well served. If they don't get these things they will not lead well.
- The inner life of a leader will determine how good a leader they become. They can have all the skill in the world but if the inner life is not rock solid and continuously paid attention to they will not succeed as a spiritual leader. The hidden discipline of developing the inner life always comes before the public role of leadership.
- Personal humility is a non-negotiable for good leadership. True humility is clear about what strengths we have as well as our weaknesses and therefore our need for others. Humility serves others while pride serves self. Because spiritual leadership is other focused and Jesus centered it must come from a place of personal humility.
- Suffering and pain is a major way that God molds great leaders. It is when we are challenged that we grow and the test of a spiritual leader is whether they grow in their faith during hard times or move away from God in disillusionment. There is no way to effective leadership without the molding and forging of hard times. If you are going to lead, expect it and make the most of it.
- Leaders actively embrace spiritual transformation. God can only use people to bring others closer to Him who are themselves allowing God to transform them. Transformation of their hearts to understand and live out grace. Transformation of their minds to think like Jesus thinks. Transformation of life priorities to align our lives with His and transformation of our relationships to see people as Jesus sees them and love people as Jesus loves them.
- Our shadow side must be managed. All of us have a shadow side. It is the opposite of our strengths and it is those areas where we struggle with sin or negatively impact others. We cannot eliminate our shadow side but we can manage it by understanding it and modifying our behaviors so that they don't hurt others. Leaders who don't manage their shadow side will never lead well.
- Emotional intelligence matters and needs to be developed. Healthy EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is one of the most important traits of a leader. It allows them to understand how they are perceived by others, to differ with others while staying relationally connected, hear feedback without defensiveness and negotiate conflict in a healthy manner. Poor EQ is the number one reason that leaders fail.
- I can only lead from who God made me to be. God can use any personality style to lead and we will never be successful emulating someone else's leadership style. We can learn from others but we can only lead out of our own God given wiring. We must develop a leadership style that is consistent with our personality and wiring rather than emulate others.
- Leaders live intentional lives. Accidental living does not make for a good leader because it is a life of reaction rather than a proactive life of considered intentionality. Leaders live intentionally so that they accomplish what God wants them to accomplish personally and with others. There is a discipline to a good leader's life that is based on the important things rather than the ancillary things.
- Leaders are clear about what matters. There are many things that vie for our attention personally and organizationally. Leaders are able to identify what is truly important and not be distracted by the unimportant. They are clear themselves and help those they lead become clear. Clarity of life and mission are marks of a good leader.
- Leaders live with transparency. The more transparent a leader is about both success and failure with others the more they are followed, respected and lead from authenticity. Authentic lives, where words match action, where we don't pretend to be something we are not and are open about our strengths and weaknesses, failures and accomplishments allows others to see the real us and to lead from a place of authenticity rather than from a place of pretense.
- Leaders guard their hearts. Everything in Christian leadership comes down to the heart. When leaders don't guard their hearts (King Saul) they lose their ability to lead. When they do (David) they lead from a place of health and strength. The Psalms say that David led from integrity of heart and skillful hands. Above all else, leaders guard their hearts on a moment by moment and daily basis.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Where have all the demons gone?
I think demons have abandoned America. After all we are too sophisticated for demons. As proof, how often do you hear them talked about? Or your pastor talk about them? Maybe CS Lewis tricked us with his Screwtape letter stuff. Seriously, where are they? I see them in the majority world but this is with largely uneducated people. We are too educated for such thinking. So either they have abandoned us as irrelevant, or we have banished them as vestiges of a less sophisticated world.
And that is precisely what Satan and his minions desire us to think. They are the foolishness of a past and less sophisticated world, relegated to the silly pictures of the Middle Ages, red skinned martian like figures with pointed ears and tails.
Except, Scripture would have us believe differently. "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12). And since Satan and his forces masquerade as agents of light, they are not about to reveal their true identity.
Satan loves to convince people that he is irrelevant and even non existent in the west. In the rest of the world he loves to make himself evident and a source of fear because his audiences there understand, believe in and live in fear of the spirit world. Satan will use whatever strategy He needs to in order to destroy people and lives, even if that means staying in the background and letting people think he is not there or even not real.
While we live in a sophisticated society, what that means is that sin has become more sophisticated as well. The wonders of the internet bring us amazing gifts along with secret addictions of pornography. The basis of our society has as many believers wrapped up in materialism as it does non believers - perhaps the ultimate addiction and lie - that happiness is to be found in the abundance of our possessions. Our lone ranger American mentality makes it hard for us to live in community with other believers and our "bootstrap" success definition makes us blind to the injustices around us.
Who do we think is behind the sad fact that Christ followers are so ungenerous with what God has given them? Does it not lie in our own greed, and lack of faith that God will provide if we are as generous with him a he is with us? What wants to keep us in a place of bondage to our pocketbook or credit cards or inflated dreams? My guess is that we keep a lot of demons busy in areas like this.
Unfortunately for us, Satan is alive and well and we are in a daily spiritual battle that we cannot see but which is no less real. All unbiblical thinking, behavior and attitudes are fodder for Satan to take advantage of. He is there and he is real. But the Lord of the Universe is more powerful which is why Paul tells us to "be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power (Ephesians 6:10)."
Don't be fooled about the realities of the spiritual dynamics around us. They are real but if we live in fellowship of the Spirit we will both recognize them for what they are and be successful in overcoming them.
And that is precisely what Satan and his minions desire us to think. They are the foolishness of a past and less sophisticated world, relegated to the silly pictures of the Middle Ages, red skinned martian like figures with pointed ears and tails.
Except, Scripture would have us believe differently. "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12). And since Satan and his forces masquerade as agents of light, they are not about to reveal their true identity.
Satan loves to convince people that he is irrelevant and even non existent in the west. In the rest of the world he loves to make himself evident and a source of fear because his audiences there understand, believe in and live in fear of the spirit world. Satan will use whatever strategy He needs to in order to destroy people and lives, even if that means staying in the background and letting people think he is not there or even not real.
While we live in a sophisticated society, what that means is that sin has become more sophisticated as well. The wonders of the internet bring us amazing gifts along with secret addictions of pornography. The basis of our society has as many believers wrapped up in materialism as it does non believers - perhaps the ultimate addiction and lie - that happiness is to be found in the abundance of our possessions. Our lone ranger American mentality makes it hard for us to live in community with other believers and our "bootstrap" success definition makes us blind to the injustices around us.
Who do we think is behind the sad fact that Christ followers are so ungenerous with what God has given them? Does it not lie in our own greed, and lack of faith that God will provide if we are as generous with him a he is with us? What wants to keep us in a place of bondage to our pocketbook or credit cards or inflated dreams? My guess is that we keep a lot of demons busy in areas like this.
Unfortunately for us, Satan is alive and well and we are in a daily spiritual battle that we cannot see but which is no less real. All unbiblical thinking, behavior and attitudes are fodder for Satan to take advantage of. He is there and he is real. But the Lord of the Universe is more powerful which is why Paul tells us to "be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power (Ephesians 6:10)."
Don't be fooled about the realities of the spiritual dynamics around us. They are real but if we live in fellowship of the Spirit we will both recognize them for what they are and be successful in overcoming them.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Growing your ministry by developing new relationships
It is counter intuitive but a key way to grow your ministry is to focus on relationships outside of your ministry and normal relational circle. Relationships are the door openers to all kinds of opportunities, help, counsel and ideas. The wider our circle of relationships the richer our lives and leadership.
The reason it is sometimes counter intuitive is that we often feel like we don't have time to develop a wide set of relationships given the busyness of our lives and the demands of leading our own ministry. However, relationships are leverage for growth in our own lives and consequently growth in our own ministries.
As a ministry leader, I intentionally take the time to develop relationships with other leaders. In doing so I am blessed by:
- Learning new things from new people
- Meeting a new circle of leaders who other leaders know
- Finding synergies where we can work together
- Gaining advocates or counsel when I need them
- Finding solutions for common issues
- Meeting people I can serve in various ways
- Enjoying the fellowship of individuals who have similar values and goals
Every new relationship widens my own world and the world of others. I am enriched and hopefully I enrich others. In fact, who I am today is directly connected to the number of people who have enriched my life and leadership. I owe many people many thanks and I would not be where I am today without those relationships.
Over the years I have grown a considerable library. Those books are my friends and I love to commune with them. But more significant is the group of friends that I have grown who in various ways contribute to my life and ministry and to whom I can contribute. It is a world wide group and each one is important to me.
Never underestimate the value of taking the time to develop relationships outside of your normal circle and from other ministries. You never know how those connections will enrich you, allow you to enrich them, open doors, provide counsel and or simply allow you or them to be connectors with others in ways that build God's kingdom. For those who say, "I don't have time," my response is that it is some of the best time you will invest.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
A common leadership trap: Adding without subtracting
As leaders grow they take on new responsibilities. Often however, they fall into a common leadership trap by not jettisoning other activities to make space for the new. You cannot add without also subtracting! If you do, margin disappears and the quality of what you do is not what it should be.
Regardless of our abilities we all have a finite amount of time and energy. We choose what we place in that available time and energy. But once full it is full. To put something new in requires that we take something old out. For something new to grow, something old must die, or be passed on to others.
Why do we hold on when we should let go? We know how to do something and may be very good at it. We may not like to disappoint people who want our time or attention. We may not be good at saying no. Or we enjoy doing it. Whatever the reason, to put something new in requires that we take something old out.
This is actually the price of personal growth. Without taking on something new we don't grow. So the price of growth is to let go of other things that we have already mastered. As we grow in new areas our effectiveness also grows. The cost is giving something else up. You cannot effectively add without also subtracting.
What do you need to subtract?
Regardless of our abilities we all have a finite amount of time and energy. We choose what we place in that available time and energy. But once full it is full. To put something new in requires that we take something old out. For something new to grow, something old must die, or be passed on to others.
Why do we hold on when we should let go? We know how to do something and may be very good at it. We may not like to disappoint people who want our time or attention. We may not be good at saying no. Or we enjoy doing it. Whatever the reason, to put something new in requires that we take something old out.
This is actually the price of personal growth. Without taking on something new we don't grow. So the price of growth is to let go of other things that we have already mastered. As we grow in new areas our effectiveness also grows. The cost is giving something else up. You cannot effectively add without also subtracting.
What do you need to subtract?
Saturday, February 25, 2012
When I need to grow my EQ
Healthy emotional intelligence is one of the most critical factors in healthy relationships, leadership and marriages. There is a simple way that we can regularly increase our health in this area. It is watching for when we get into trouble with our emotions, reactions, actions or words (all EQ issues) and taking the time to analyze what got us into trouble and what we will do next time to avoid the reactions that troubled us.
Recently I suggested something to my spouse that did not go over very well (not the first time). Obviously my approach was not helpful even if I thought the subject was relevant. But, knowing that I did not successfully communicate, and having thought through the conversation, I will work on a different tact next time. There is no use paying the same dumb tax twice.
All of us have people, situations or topics that trigger emotions in us and often reactions that we wish afterwards had been different. The good news is that those triggers are signals to us that we need to pay attention to whatever it was that triggered the reaction, ask why we responded the way we did and then come up with a game plan to handle the situation next time.
This is all about managing our shadow side. Managing our emotions and reactions so that they work for us and not against us.
Emotional triggers are normal. Mature individuals, however, learn to pay attention to them and work to modify those reactions so they do not embarrass themselves, cause additional relational disconnect or respond with the same lack of EQ that the other individual probably used in triggering their emotions.
Each time we experience a reaction on our part that we don't like, it is an opportunity to grow in our ability to handle that situation next time. Usually the more nonreactive we become, learning to manage our outward emotions, the less likely we are to either escalate the situation or say or do something we will later regret.
For leaders, this is especially important because unregulated emotion and reactions can cause serious loss of trust to a leader. The more we pay attention to needed areas of EQ growth the better off we are.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Failures and disappointments are often God's redirection
Our ability to see the full scope of our lives and God's plan is amazingly limited. As Paul says, we see through a glass darkly but will one day see Him face to face. Because of our limited view, we often do not see that the failures and disappointments we face are nothing other than God's redirection of our lives to those places where He can use us the most.
Consider Moses who failed at being an Egyptian prince so God could use him to lead the people out of bondage. Or, Joseph who failed at being a brother so that he could save his whole family from famine. My greatest perceived failure brought me to where I am today, and right where I believe God wants me to be. As the book of Proverbs says, "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps (Proverbs 16:9)." How often God has redirected my steps in ways that I did not understand at the time but in retrospect have more clarity.
This ought to cause us to ask in failure and disappointment, "Is God up to something?" "Does He have something in mind that is greater than our disappointment?" Since He establishes our steps and has our best interests in mind, chances are He does.
This allows us to change our prayer from "why?" to "What?" Obviously God has something different for us than we expected, the question is "what is it?" Asking why keeps us focused on our disappointment while asking what focuses on God's intentions and what He has for us next. Two very different perspectives that lead to two very different attitudes.
Here is something we know for sure: God is always up to something, even in our failures and disappointments. We are never abandoned or left alone so even in the worst place we can look with anticipation at what He has for us. This truth gives us the courage to move forward even in dark days. We know He is up to something, we just don't know what - yet!
This ought to cause us to ask in failure and disappointment, "Is God up to something?" "Does He have something in mind that is greater than our disappointment?" Since He establishes our steps and has our best interests in mind, chances are He does.
This allows us to change our prayer from "why?" to "What?" Obviously God has something different for us than we expected, the question is "what is it?" Asking why keeps us focused on our disappointment while asking what focuses on God's intentions and what He has for us next. Two very different perspectives that lead to two very different attitudes.
Here is something we know for sure: God is always up to something, even in our failures and disappointments. We are never abandoned or left alone so even in the worst place we can look with anticipation at what He has for us. This truth gives us the courage to move forward even in dark days. We know He is up to something, we just don't know what - yet!
Friday, January 13, 2012
Growing better self awareness
How well do you know yourself? Self awareness is a critical factor in the success of our relationships, friendships and work staff. Unaware people often hurt others and their relationships because they are not cognizant of how their words, attitudes or behaviors impact others. This is especially true with unaware leaders whose lack of awareness causes staff to think that they are uncaring, harsh, lack empathy or simply narcissistic.
Self awareness means that I understand how I am wired, how I am likely to react to others and situations, what my blind spots and shadow side are, what pushes my emotional buttons and how I am perceived by those around me. While those perceptions may not be the "real us" from our point of view, they are the "real us" to those around us.
For instance, I can be viewed as distant and private by those who know me from a distance. To mitigate against that I work on spending quality time with those I work with and being as self-disclosing as possible so that they understand the real me. However, if I was not aware of that perception, I would not be able to take steps to counter it.
What is important to understand is that we have a view of who we are but others around us also have a view of who we are and the two views may be very different. In fact, the more self aware we are the less discrepancy there will be between our view of us and others view of us and the less self aware we are the greater the discrepancy will be. That is because a large part of self awareness is understanding how others perceive us.
Self aware people are able to take steps to mitigate against the parts of their wiring that can be troublesome in interactions and relationships. We cannot fundamentally change our wiring (although the Holy Spirit can) but we can manage our shadow side in ways that facilitate healthier interactions and relationships.
How do we grow our self awareness? I would suggest doing some reading on EQ or Emotional Intelligence as a start. That will at least give one a framework to understand oneself better. To drill down deeper, we need to have some conversations with those around us as to how they perceive us and what they think our blind spots are. Because we are blind to our blind spots, only feedback from others will help us understand what they are.
Find a trusted friend or colleague and ask some questions: What do you see as my greatest strengths? What do you see as my greatest weaknesses? Describe your perception of who I am to me. What things do you think I am blind to in my interactions, attitudes or actions? Are there things I do that unintentionally hurt others or damage relationships? If you could be completely candid with me about something you see that I should be aware of, what would it be?
I am blessed to have a wife who is honest with me and trusted colleagues who I can have those kinds of conversations with. I am more self aware because of it and better able to manage those parts of me that can hurt others or be perceived as insensitive. I have come a long way but am certain I have a long way to go given the complexities of how I am wired. However, my self discovery has been a major part of my growth as an individual, husband, father and leader.
It should be obvious that this kind of self discovery takes a great deal of humility and a lack of defensiveness. It is defensive people, and those who need to project a certain image who are the least self aware because they lack the ability to hear feedback from others. In fact, if you are unable to ask these kinds of questions and hear candid feedback it should be a warning to you that you are not only self unaware but likely to stay that way because of the fear of understanding the real you. Growing our self awareness is part of the journey to becoming healthier individuals.
Self awareness means that I understand how I am wired, how I am likely to react to others and situations, what my blind spots and shadow side are, what pushes my emotional buttons and how I am perceived by those around me. While those perceptions may not be the "real us" from our point of view, they are the "real us" to those around us.
For instance, I can be viewed as distant and private by those who know me from a distance. To mitigate against that I work on spending quality time with those I work with and being as self-disclosing as possible so that they understand the real me. However, if I was not aware of that perception, I would not be able to take steps to counter it.
What is important to understand is that we have a view of who we are but others around us also have a view of who we are and the two views may be very different. In fact, the more self aware we are the less discrepancy there will be between our view of us and others view of us and the less self aware we are the greater the discrepancy will be. That is because a large part of self awareness is understanding how others perceive us.
Self aware people are able to take steps to mitigate against the parts of their wiring that can be troublesome in interactions and relationships. We cannot fundamentally change our wiring (although the Holy Spirit can) but we can manage our shadow side in ways that facilitate healthier interactions and relationships.
How do we grow our self awareness? I would suggest doing some reading on EQ or Emotional Intelligence as a start. That will at least give one a framework to understand oneself better. To drill down deeper, we need to have some conversations with those around us as to how they perceive us and what they think our blind spots are. Because we are blind to our blind spots, only feedback from others will help us understand what they are.
Find a trusted friend or colleague and ask some questions: What do you see as my greatest strengths? What do you see as my greatest weaknesses? Describe your perception of who I am to me. What things do you think I am blind to in my interactions, attitudes or actions? Are there things I do that unintentionally hurt others or damage relationships? If you could be completely candid with me about something you see that I should be aware of, what would it be?
I am blessed to have a wife who is honest with me and trusted colleagues who I can have those kinds of conversations with. I am more self aware because of it and better able to manage those parts of me that can hurt others or be perceived as insensitive. I have come a long way but am certain I have a long way to go given the complexities of how I am wired. However, my self discovery has been a major part of my growth as an individual, husband, father and leader.
It should be obvious that this kind of self discovery takes a great deal of humility and a lack of defensiveness. It is defensive people, and those who need to project a certain image who are the least self aware because they lack the ability to hear feedback from others. In fact, if you are unable to ask these kinds of questions and hear candid feedback it should be a warning to you that you are not only self unaware but likely to stay that way because of the fear of understanding the real you. Growing our self awareness is part of the journey to becoming healthier individuals.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Don't gunnysack stuff
Gunnysacking happens when we take irritations, slights or offenses from others and toss them in our gunnysack rather than either dealing with them by a candid conversation or forgiving them. One cannot carry around a heavy gunnysack forever without the weight of it affecting us. When the gunnysack gets full enough of unresolved issues it is likely to explode with an eruption of emotion that we regret afterwards.
It is not always offenses that cause us to erupt. It can also be irritations to us from the quirks of others. All of us have quirks of personality which can irritate others. When we allow those quirks to fester as irritations to us they also can cause us to erupt in unhealthy ways of we have gunnysacked them. Often this happens with extended family when someones attitudes, biases, actions or words irritate us to the core but there is nothing we can do about it.
How do we prevent gunnysack eruptions? First, always be aware of the danger of gunnysacking when we are with people that irritate or who have slighted us. Remember that tossing those irritations, slights and offenses into our gunnysack is going to hurt us in the long run.
Second, keep short accounts. Most issues that we take as slights or offenses do not come from ill motives and judging motives is the worst thing we can do as we are usually wrong in our judgement. If needed, have a conversation where you can clarify the issue: "This is how it felt to me when you said or did such and such and I am sure you did not intend for me to feel that way, so can you help me understand?" Much better to get the issue on the table than to toss it in your gunnysack.
The harder thing to deal with are irritations. Sometimes it is good to tell people that when they do such and such it is irritating to you. Other times it is best to simply give them space and even to limit your exposure to them if having a conversation about the behaviors will be counter productive. There are people in my life that push buttons in me and the best way to deal with it is self awareness and limiting my exposure to them.
However we deal with issues that irritate or cause offenses, the one thing we don't want to do is throw them in our gunnysack and carry them around. The weight is unhealthy for us and eventually may cause an unhealthy response on our part.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Our primary mission in life - and its not about us!
I confess that I do a lot of thinking about me, my situation, my needs, my wants and my desires. Can you relate? I don't like to admit it but I am selfish to the core. It is the human condition and only Jesus can tear open our hearts for unselfish living - bit by bit as we come to grips with the fact that as Christ followers life is not ultimately about us!
Jesus made a profound statement as he contemplated his own death. He confessed, "Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour?' No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!" (John 12:27-28).
How often do we ask God to save us from some dilemma, to remove some suffering, to heal some illness - all legitimate requests. But how often do we say, "Father, glorify your name through my situation?" Ultimately, it is His glory that is paramount, not our desires. Sometimes His glory is in answering our prayers. Sometimes His glory is found in our faith in the middle of crushing difficulty.
Just before Jesus asked the Father to glorify His name, He reminded His disciples that "unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me (John 12:24-26)."
It is in our dying to self in order to live for God that we see our lives honor and glorify Him. It is in putting His interests first - choosing to live our lives with His priorities in mind that we glorify the Father. It is in following Him wherever He is and wherever He desires to take us that we glorify Him. It is in remaining faithful in the hard times, choosing faith and hope over despair and hopelessness that I lift His name up!
We have many requests for God. We depend on Him for our daily bread in so many ways. But ultimately He desires that we care about His glory. His glory in our lives is the greatest gift that we can give Him.
"Father, what needs to die in me today so that my life produces many seeds? Would you glorify your name through me today no matter what my circumstances?"
Jesus made a profound statement as he contemplated his own death. He confessed, "Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour?' No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!" (John 12:27-28).
How often do we ask God to save us from some dilemma, to remove some suffering, to heal some illness - all legitimate requests. But how often do we say, "Father, glorify your name through my situation?" Ultimately, it is His glory that is paramount, not our desires. Sometimes His glory is in answering our prayers. Sometimes His glory is found in our faith in the middle of crushing difficulty.
Just before Jesus asked the Father to glorify His name, He reminded His disciples that "unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me (John 12:24-26)."
It is in our dying to self in order to live for God that we see our lives honor and glorify Him. It is in putting His interests first - choosing to live our lives with His priorities in mind that we glorify the Father. It is in following Him wherever He is and wherever He desires to take us that we glorify Him. It is in remaining faithful in the hard times, choosing faith and hope over despair and hopelessness that I lift His name up!
We have many requests for God. We depend on Him for our daily bread in so many ways. But ultimately He desires that we care about His glory. His glory in our lives is the greatest gift that we can give Him.
"Father, what needs to die in me today so that my life produces many seeds? Would you glorify your name through me today no matter what my circumstances?"
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Our habits and a long view of life
Living in the "instant" world of the west where we love immediate results, quick fixes and instant gratification, we often forget that the Christian life is a marathon rather than a sprint and that long term results are the product of long term rather than short term thinking. The Apostle Paul talks about "running the race with our eyes fixed on the prize." He also often speaks of endurance and perseverance. Eugene Peterson rightly called it a "long obedience in the same direction."
The key to a long view of life is the development of habits that will sustain us over the long haul. Habits are long term disciplines or practices rather than short term "resolutions." They form a personal frame or infrastructure that the rest of life connects to. Just as the hidden steel frame of a large building holds all the component parts together, so the habits we develop are the invisible underpinnings of our lives which everything else is connected to and influenced by.
There is good news and bad news in this. The bad news is that unhealthy habits have long term ramifications for our lives if not corrected since our life infrastructure touches everything else. That is why it is so important to deal with sinful habits rather than to ignore or nurture them. But the good news is that the development of healthy habits has long term healthy ramifications and gives us the means of going the distance well and living out that "long obedience in the same direction:" in the power of the Holy Spirit. And, it is never too late to develop new and healthy habits.
Practices become habits when they are practiced long enough that they become second nature. For instance, many people have a habit of spending money they don't really have thanks to the ease of using a credit card. That habit over the long term leads to a life of debt and dependence on others. Others never spend what they don't have. They have practiced a healthy discipline long enough that it is second nature to them. Over the long term it leads to financial health.
Habits we form in our marriages determine the quality of our relationship with our spouse. Habits in our devotional lives form the quality of our relationship with God. Habits in our professional life form the quality of our work. Habits in our hidden life form the quality of our moral architecture. Habits in our relation to our health form the foundation for good or poor health. In every instance, habits contribute either to long term health or to long term dysfunction.
Studies have shown that our long term practices or habits actually cause changes to our brain. The reason new habits are hard to develop is that our brain is trained to respond in an alternative way (like the urge to purchase on credit). Every time we engage in a certain practice, our brain chemistry strengthens the chemical connections that encourage that particular behavior. The good news is that we can retrain our brain with the practice of new habits which in the long term sustains us in that practice.
As we think about our lives we ought to be aware of the habits that underlie our actions. Which are healthy and helpful? Which are problematic and hurtful? Which are pleasing to God and which are not? In relation to the former, working hard on making these central to our lives becomes our goal and as to the latter, they become those things that the New Testament says we need to "take off" and discard.
When Paul talks about old things to take off and new things to put on (see Ephesians 4-5 for instance) he is talking about practices which are habits. The old are destructive and the new reflect the character of Christ. When we cooperate with the Holy Spirit, He gives us the ability to discard the old and put on the new. Remember these habits are the invisible framework that make up our lives and contribute either to a long and healthy view of life or a dysfunctional view of life.
The key to a long view of life is the development of habits that will sustain us over the long haul. Habits are long term disciplines or practices rather than short term "resolutions." They form a personal frame or infrastructure that the rest of life connects to. Just as the hidden steel frame of a large building holds all the component parts together, so the habits we develop are the invisible underpinnings of our lives which everything else is connected to and influenced by.
There is good news and bad news in this. The bad news is that unhealthy habits have long term ramifications for our lives if not corrected since our life infrastructure touches everything else. That is why it is so important to deal with sinful habits rather than to ignore or nurture them. But the good news is that the development of healthy habits has long term healthy ramifications and gives us the means of going the distance well and living out that "long obedience in the same direction:" in the power of the Holy Spirit. And, it is never too late to develop new and healthy habits.
Practices become habits when they are practiced long enough that they become second nature. For instance, many people have a habit of spending money they don't really have thanks to the ease of using a credit card. That habit over the long term leads to a life of debt and dependence on others. Others never spend what they don't have. They have practiced a healthy discipline long enough that it is second nature to them. Over the long term it leads to financial health.
Habits we form in our marriages determine the quality of our relationship with our spouse. Habits in our devotional lives form the quality of our relationship with God. Habits in our professional life form the quality of our work. Habits in our hidden life form the quality of our moral architecture. Habits in our relation to our health form the foundation for good or poor health. In every instance, habits contribute either to long term health or to long term dysfunction.
Studies have shown that our long term practices or habits actually cause changes to our brain. The reason new habits are hard to develop is that our brain is trained to respond in an alternative way (like the urge to purchase on credit). Every time we engage in a certain practice, our brain chemistry strengthens the chemical connections that encourage that particular behavior. The good news is that we can retrain our brain with the practice of new habits which in the long term sustains us in that practice.
As we think about our lives we ought to be aware of the habits that underlie our actions. Which are healthy and helpful? Which are problematic and hurtful? Which are pleasing to God and which are not? In relation to the former, working hard on making these central to our lives becomes our goal and as to the latter, they become those things that the New Testament says we need to "take off" and discard.
When Paul talks about old things to take off and new things to put on (see Ephesians 4-5 for instance) he is talking about practices which are habits. The old are destructive and the new reflect the character of Christ. When we cooperate with the Holy Spirit, He gives us the ability to discard the old and put on the new. Remember these habits are the invisible framework that make up our lives and contribute either to a long and healthy view of life or a dysfunctional view of life.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
A better you, courtesy of the Holy Spirit
Most of us would like a better version of us. I grow tired of my impatience with others knowing how patient God is with me. I desire a deeper joy, knowing that God has given me so much. I wish to eradicate unkindness from my vocabulary and attitudes having experienced the kindness of Jesus on a daily basis. I want harshness in any form to give way to gentleness and my tendency to act in ways that hurt myself or others to give way to self control. And, for peace to reign in my heart regardless of my circumstances. Yes, I want a better version of me.
For Christ followers, that better us is not only possible and within reach, it is the direct gift and work of the Holy Spirit at work in our lives. "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23)." These qualities that make for a better us are a direct derivative of our relationship with Jesus. As we focus on our relationship with Him, this fruit is a natural result in our lives. When I say I want to be a gentler, kinder, version of me, what I am really longing for is more of the Holy Spirit in my life.
What is interesting about the Spirit's fruit is that it is the opposite of our natural self which is self centered and selfish. These qualities which come directly from God to us are other centric and directly mirror the graciousness that God has for us - undeserved as it is. In fact, the best way to understand what these qualities look like in real life is to read the Gospels and meditate on the life of Jesus. My greatest desire would be that people look at me and say, "He is like Jesus." That, by the way is the Holy Spirit's plan for our lives as well. Thus He shares His character with us.
We can be proactive in this process. Paul reminds us that "Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other (Galatians 5:24-26)." The more we walk with the Spirit, the more of His character becomes our character. The old swapped for the new!
The greatest gifts we could give one another this Christmas, and every day, are the fruit of the Spirit in our words, actions, interactions and attitudes. In doing so, we become Jesus to one another and give what all of us desperately need. In the process, we become a better version of us, courtesy of the Holy Spirit.
For Christ followers, that better us is not only possible and within reach, it is the direct gift and work of the Holy Spirit at work in our lives. "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23)." These qualities that make for a better us are a direct derivative of our relationship with Jesus. As we focus on our relationship with Him, this fruit is a natural result in our lives. When I say I want to be a gentler, kinder, version of me, what I am really longing for is more of the Holy Spirit in my life.
What is interesting about the Spirit's fruit is that it is the opposite of our natural self which is self centered and selfish. These qualities which come directly from God to us are other centric and directly mirror the graciousness that God has for us - undeserved as it is. In fact, the best way to understand what these qualities look like in real life is to read the Gospels and meditate on the life of Jesus. My greatest desire would be that people look at me and say, "He is like Jesus." That, by the way is the Holy Spirit's plan for our lives as well. Thus He shares His character with us.
We can be proactive in this process. Paul reminds us that "Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other (Galatians 5:24-26)." The more we walk with the Spirit, the more of His character becomes our character. The old swapped for the new!
The greatest gifts we could give one another this Christmas, and every day, are the fruit of the Spirit in our words, actions, interactions and attitudes. In doing so, we become Jesus to one another and give what all of us desperately need. In the process, we become a better version of us, courtesy of the Holy Spirit.
Friday, December 9, 2011
The up side of failure
We all fail, whether in large or small ways. No one is exempt. We mess up a relationship and it fails. We lose our business and it fails. We get a bad review and feel like a failure. We lead a team that fell apart - failure. A divorce, DWI conviction, being fired from our job...there are many definitions of failure. Sometimes it is true failure and sometimes we just feel like a failure. But what is failure?
At its root, failure is the opportunity for growth! It calls the question on whether or not we will learn from our circumstance whether self inflicted or other inflicted. It is an opportunity to start over and evaluate, re-calibrate, engage in God in a new way and see new life. Failure is not fatal but an opportunity. Moses found this out, as did the apostle Peter and King David or in our time, Chuck Colson.
When failure invades our lives it is time to call a time out! Depending on the source of the failure there is a sense of loss, maybe guilt, and certainly deep sadness. Nothing wounds the human spirit like failure. It is a wound, it hurts and like a wound takes time to heal. It is an opportunity and it will either take us to despair or hope.
There is no time when despair is more easy or hope more comforting than in failure. Do we give up or do we look forward in the knowledge that God's grace is greater than our failure and His sovereignty is not diminished by our circumstances. Understanding His goodness and His greatness is the genesis of hope, however small in the pain of failure. Press into Him and that tiny grain of hope will grow. Chuck Colson will tell you that his failure in politics and subsequent jail term was the very thing that forced him to open his heart to hope, in Jesus. Failure is an opportunity for growth! Out of his Colson's failure came a close walk with God, numerous books and the transformation ministry of Prison Fellowship.
Too often we move through life without much inspection of our path or introspection of our heart. Time outs, when we are forced to confront our own weakness and need is a precious gift. If, we take the route of hope and move closer to Jesus.
At its root, failure is the opportunity for growth! It calls the question on whether or not we will learn from our circumstance whether self inflicted or other inflicted. It is an opportunity to start over and evaluate, re-calibrate, engage in God in a new way and see new life. Failure is not fatal but an opportunity. Moses found this out, as did the apostle Peter and King David or in our time, Chuck Colson.
When failure invades our lives it is time to call a time out! Depending on the source of the failure there is a sense of loss, maybe guilt, and certainly deep sadness. Nothing wounds the human spirit like failure. It is a wound, it hurts and like a wound takes time to heal. It is an opportunity and it will either take us to despair or hope.
There is no time when despair is more easy or hope more comforting than in failure. Do we give up or do we look forward in the knowledge that God's grace is greater than our failure and His sovereignty is not diminished by our circumstances. Understanding His goodness and His greatness is the genesis of hope, however small in the pain of failure. Press into Him and that tiny grain of hope will grow. Chuck Colson will tell you that his failure in politics and subsequent jail term was the very thing that forced him to open his heart to hope, in Jesus. Failure is an opportunity for growth! Out of his Colson's failure came a close walk with God, numerous books and the transformation ministry of Prison Fellowship.
Too often we move through life without much inspection of our path or introspection of our heart. Time outs, when we are forced to confront our own weakness and need is a precious gift. If, we take the route of hope and move closer to Jesus.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)