Teaching our children and grandchildren how to think

The art of thinking critically is being lost in the west at an amazing rate. The spirit of relativism, television, the loss of reading, popular culture all conspire to rob our kids and grand kids of the most important skill they could every acquire, the ability to think, to reason, to work through a problem logically and come to a logical conclusion. We cannot change the world in which our kids and grand kids live but we can give them the gift of helping them to think well.


With our two boys the forum for thinking was often our dinner table. Anything was fair game from politics, to church, to work issues to current events or the drama at school. In those conversations we would often ask questions to draw out their thinking. The boys would challenge us and one another and we them. It was a wonderful conversational free for all that put ideas on the table and didn't separate adult conversation from kids conversation. Often the conversation was alternatively serious and then very funny. 


Kids love to talk, play with ideas and express themselves. The simple act of dialogue where there is a back and fourth with lots of questions that help them clarify their thinking, reasoning and conclusions is a gift that will stick with them for a lifetime. In the process they learn critical thinking skills that help them separate current sophistry from truth.


In fact, helping kids understand that there is truth, that there are absolutes that we can count on is huge today because the relativism they grow up with in school is "you have your truth, I have my truth and both are true" (a non sequitur if there ever was one: But wait, that is logic!).  That kind of garbage thinking is raising a whole generation of kids to believe that anything and everything can be true simply because one believes it. As the British would say, that is pure, unadulterated rubbish! The shallowness of our political dialogue today is testimony to the fact that politicians count on the fact that people don't think. So much of what is said is pure rubbish but taken as fact.


All of this means taking time with our kids and grand kids. Their ability to think well impacts their faith, their personal lives and their vocations. It separates those who get their truth from Oprah and Chopra and those who understand real truth from Scripture. The ability to reason, to work through an issue logically and be able to defend it with real facts is a dying but necessary skill to successfully negotiate life and faith. Make that investment in the next generation and you will have given them a great gift.

Church bullies

Many of my most read blogs have to do with relationships within the church and behaviors that are problematic, toxic and which actually destroy the very ministry results that we long to see.  Recently, as a result of one of these blogs I received the following two questions from one of my readers who is on staff in a local church and close enough to the inner workings of the church to know what is happening. Here are his questions:

"What I do not understand is why pastors feel that they need to allow an individual to be repeatedly belligerent to them? Repeatedly derogatory, accusatory, disrespectful, etc.?  Repeatedly approach as a bully?

Unfortunately, I have also seen the belligerent person be the local ministry head who is "attacking" the other members of the staff on a consistent, random basis as to who is the scapegoat for the day.  In this situation it is not a pastor who is doing the attacking but a manager in a Christian ministry."

Let's take the first question first. Here a pastor is mistreated by  an individual in the church, someone whose actions are that of a "bully" but is not able to say "You cannot treat me this way." Why do pastors put up with behaviors which would never be acceptable in a healthy secular workplace?

Having been in those shoes I believe that one of the primary reason pastors don't put their foot down is that they don't believe that they will be backed up by their board if they do so. Pastors should be able to say to a bully, "Joe, you cannot treat me like this and if it happens again, we will have no further conversations without a board member present and I will share with the board what is happening in our conversations. While you are entitled to your opinions, you cannot pressure me with them nor can you treat me in a disrespectful manner. I don't treat you that way, I don't speak to you that way and it is unacceptable in God's church for you to do that with me. So we will never have another conversation like this without it going to the board and without a third person present." 

In order for a pastor to be that defining he needs to know that his board will back him up - completely. Unfortunately, weak boards are often cowards when dealing with bullies in the church. They are afraid of them and often will not confront them. That is why church bullies (often former leaders) get away with unconscionable behavior that is toxic to the church as a whole. And, why pastors are often helpless to deal with the behavior. If the board will not back them up, they will eventually give up or choose to leave. Usually the bully knows that the board will not choose to confront them and sometimes is on the board.

Here is the thing about church bullies. When confronted they usually run because they hate accountability. Boards need to agree that there are certain behaviors that are illegal in the church - they violate Scripture. Read Ephesians on relationships or 1 and 2 Timothy on dealing with contentious behaviors. One of the responsibilities of leaders is to protect the flock from divisive behavior and that is exactly what this is. Boards that allow such behavior and don't protect the pastor from bullies ought to resign and let someone who will lead. It is that simple. Often, because boards will not act, good pastors simply choose to leave and the scenario plays itself out over and over and over.  I know a church well that has played this scenario over for over 30 years now.

If I were a pastor today I would confront such behavior as suggested above and if my board chose not to support me in this I would resign. No pastor can be successful in a situation where toxic behavior is not addressed. Churches get what they deserve in terms of leadership. Good leadership brings good ministry. Poor leadership brings poor results. 

If the board is willing to support the pastor against toxic behavior but the pastor cannot confront a bully, the board needs to step in when they hear about it and deal with it for him. One of their roles is to protect the pastor. But in the end, it is the board that either allows bullies to operate or not. By the way, bullies are often perceived as "influential" in the church which is why boards will not deal with them. In the church, one does what is right whether the offender is influential or not. You deal with it biblically (Matthew 18) but leaders must deal with it and will answer to the Lord of the Church for how they do or do not handle it (2 Peter 5).

The second question suggests that the bully is a manager of a ministry. In my world, this individual would be dealt with very quickly and we would let him/her know in no uncertain terms that this behavior is unacceptable and incompatible with who we are as a ministry. Remember that behaviors we accept among staff, leaders or pastors are seen as normative in the church. In allowing toxic behavior to exist at that level, you are condoning toxic behavior at the congregational level. Again, I would suggest a failure of leadership for this behavior by a manager of a ministry to be tolerated by staff and board. 

Sometimes, by the way it is the senior pastor who is a bully, who has an agenda that is his and forces the board to accept that agenda. This is equally unhealthy and unacceptable as leadership in the church is a shared leadership of godly individuals. No one individual should have the power to force others to do their personal will. Healthy boards insist that the directional decisions of the church are corporate decisions, not just that of the senior pastor. Weak boards accede to pressure whether from a pastor or other bully in the church. In either case, it is toxic, unhealthy and wrong.

If you look at the "popular blog listing" on my blog site it lists the top ten blogs in the past thirty days. At any time, many of these have to do with dysfunctional relationships in the church. The problem is ubiquitous and boards have a lot to do with the problem. I predict this blog will end up on that list quickly because there are many bullies who are given free reign in many churches. It is time to call a halt to behaviors that diminish the name of Jesus in the very institution that is designed to lift His name high. If you have such a problem please, in the name of Jesus, deal with it. It is His reputation that is on the line.

For more help on this and related issues, pick up a copy of my book, High Impact Church Boards in paperback or on Kindle. It deals with the real life issues churches face.

When does one know their job is done?

Nothing lasts forever but often we treat our job as if it does. In the business world this often comes with a rude awakening when someone else tells us that our job is finished. In the ministry world that is less true but all of us need to be aware that we serve for a season in the role we are in and there comes a time when transition is healthy. The question is, how do we know when that is?

The board/supervisor check: This is where we start getting signals from our board or supervisor that we should perhaps think about transition. Take those signals seriously and engage your supervisor or board in dialogue around them. It is not unusual for boards or supervisors to try to communicate in a gentle way that it is time, but for people not to hear. Even if one disagrees with the sentiment, the issue has been raised and needs to be addressed so that it is not "the elephant in the room." The bottom line is that it is hard to serve without the support of one's supervisor or board so entering into conversation rather than ignoring it is critical.

The gut check: I have accomplished what I set out to do. Some of us came into our roles with a vision of what needed to be accomplished and there comes a day when it is. The question then becomes, has God given me a new vision for the next run or having accomplished what I came to accomplish is it time to look for a new role (whether in the same organization or not)? 

The boredom check: Boredom is a sign that we are not in the right role anymore and we either need to reinvent our role or look for another role that will utilize all whom God made us to be. I was once in that place. I did the job well and no one was complaining but I was bored which was a sign that I had outlasted my shelf life in that role. When our heart is no longer in what we are doing, no matter how good we can do it, it is time to move on.

The next level check: If one is a leader, as I am, there are periodic and predictable moments when the organization or team must be re-envisioned for the next run. When leaders cannot figure out what that looks like and what the organization needs to do in the next phases of ministry it is time to step aside and allow a new leader to take over. 

This is a tough reality for senior leaders. Once they have exhausted their ability to take the ministry to the next level one is left in maintenance mode which over time will send the ministry into a holding pattern which leads eventually to decline. Unfortunately this happens at a stage when the senior leader is often going to find it hard to find another similar job (the age thing) so the tendency is to stay too long at the expense of the ministry. This is often where boards step in because they realize that the lack of energy or ability to take the ministry to the next level threatens that health of the ministry and they may pull the trigger themselves. It is healthier for the senior leader to make that decision rather than to be removed by their board. Once I cannot clearly articulate the next run for the ministry my leadership is effectively over. It is not a failure, it is simply that my job is done. When a ministry outgrows us it is a good thing and reflects well on our stewardship in that growth. When we hang on too long and retard that growth it is a bad thing and reflects poorly on us.

One real option senior leaders have if they find themselves in this situation and desire to stay is to engage a competent executive coach to help them think through the relevant issues and figure out how they take the organization to the next level. This may mean that they have to work harder than they have ever worked because they are now moving into uncharged territory even for them. 


The Spirit check: Things may be going along well but the Spirit of God gives us this feeling that it is time to move on. This happened to one of my colleagues who had been with me 20 years. He could have been at our ministry till retirement but God was nudging him to move to something new. He took the risk and is doing amazing things globally. He listened to the Spirit and took a huge risk financially to follow. 


Nothing lasts forever when it comes to our job. Discernment as to when our time is finished and it is time for a transition is an important part of our stewardship both of our own lives and of the ministry we serve.

Difficult Conversations

None of us look forward to hard conversations. In fact, the very thought of them gives some people heartburn. Because of that, they are easy to put off or ignore altogether which often makes the conversation even more necessary. Here are some ways to successfully negotiate such conversations when they are necessary. The one thing you don't want to do is to go into a difficult conversation unprepared.

Before the conversation, clearly define for yourself the issues that you need to address. This includes being ready for push back, objections or questions like "when have I done that?" or "give me examples of ..." A grocery list of issues never works so be sure you can clearly articulate the two or three issues that you need the other party to hear and understand (if they are able to do either or both).

In addition, know what your bottom line is. Are you going to communicate a concern, give an ultimatum, ask them to consider alternatives, terminate their job, ask them to get help? Whatever your bottom line is, be sure you are able to articulate it clearly and not be moved off of it. 

Ask whether you need to have someone else in the room to hear what you are going to say. If the individual has a history of skewing what is said, is hostile, or does not handle hard conversations well, you want to have someone else present so that there is accountability for what is actually said.

When you meet, lay out your concerns and your bottom line in a clear and objective manner. Never impugn the motives of another (we don't know them) and keep to factual statements. If you need to use notes to stay on track, do so but don't make them available to the one you are talking to. Having communicated your concerns, clearly articulate your bottom line - what you are asking of them and then ask if they have any questions of clarification on what you have shared.

Here comes the tricky part. Unhealthy individuals will seek to shift the blame or issues to others or to you. They are experts at self justification and finding others who are at fault. If you are dealing with an unhealthy person, expect that they will try to shift the conversation to you or others and justify themselves. They may well express anger and play the victim role - they are the ones who have been abused. 

Don't bite by engaging in their attempt to shift the conversation. I remember back to my debating days when in cross examination we were supposed to answer the questions of the other side. Often we would ask them questions back, and if they bit, we could then control the conversation they were supposed to be controlling. Remember, this is your conversation, you called it and you control its agenda. No matter how often they try to shift the conversation keep bringing them back to the concerns and bottom line you shared. Other issues may be worthwhile talking about at another time but this is your conversation and you want to keep it on task.

There is no need to prolong the conversation once you know that the other party has heard your concerns and your bottom line. At this point it is important to have a follow up plan. When do you meet again and what do you want from them when you next meet. Be specific and then close the conversation. It may be awkward but you will have accomplished what you need to accomplish and the other party needs time to think and respond.

If you know you need to have such a conversation but fear is keeping you back, find a trusted colleague who can help you walk through the process.

All of life is sacred

The Ten Commandments can be summed up with one phrase: All of lie is sacred - or all of life is holy. There is no sacred/secular divide in life because we were made in God's image and God is not divisible between sacred and secular. In fact, before the fall there was no secular, only sacred. With the fall, men and women made the choice to pursue their own way (secular) and from the fall God has been calling men and women back to His way (the sacred).

It is in that light that the Ten Commandments, the moral law makes the most sense starting with "You shall have no other Gods before me." There can be no competing God's in our lives for either we worship Him wholly or we don't. While there are many competing Gods that call our attention, our sacred devotion is to one alone. In fact, if we got this one right, the following nine commands would not be necessary!

We should not misuse God's name because He is Holy and therefor our speech is holy and sacred as well. We remember the sabbath (in principle) because how we spend our time is sacred. We honor our father and mother because that is where we learn to live under authority and ultimately to honor God. We do not commit murder because life is sacred, we don't steal because our actions are sacred and God provides what we need. We don't commit adultery because marriage is sacred or give false testimony because truth is sacred. We don't covet because even our thinking is sacred.

Learning to look at all of life from a sacred perspective is part of the re-imaging each of us need. God created us in His image, an amazing truth that is hard for us to get our hands around. That image has been badly tarnished by sin but God has been re-imaging us from the time of the fall, culminating in the death and resurrection of Christ. To be re-imaged is to once again see life from a sacred perspective, to walk in the ancient ways of holiness and to learn to view all of life from God's perspective. As we do so the Holy Spirit re-images us piece by piece, thought by thought, action by action, commitment by commitment.

God's desire is that His people would once again claim the sacredness of life. It is who He created us to be. It was His intention from the day of creation. It is what He is recreating through salvation and the outworking of the Gospel and it is what He will bring to fruition when Heaven comes Down to Earth and the two become one - completely re-imaged and remade to the original intent of the creator. 

Relational Equity

The strongest currency we have with those around us is relational equity. The greater that equity the greater the trust and influence. The lower the equity the less the trust and influence. Relational equity is something that is carefully cultivated and preserved by those who desire to influence others. It is an intentional investment in relationships over time that causes others to trust, count on, value, and appreciate our relationship - whether it is a close one or from a distance.

Relational equity is not built quickly. One of the advantages of long term friendships in the personal arena and long term ministry in the ministry arena is the opportunity to build strong equity over many years. The longer we have a healthy relationship with others, the greater the trust that is developed and the more we can mutually count on one another, help one another and influence one another.

This relational equity is important if we want to speak into the lives of others or allow them to speak into our lives. We listen to those we trust and who we know has our best interests in mind. On the other hand where such equity does not exist we often resent or discount counsel from others who try to push into our lives: not surprising since we don't know their motivations or know whether we cant trust their intentions.

What are the factors in building this kind of relational equity? First it is built over time because time validates our intentions and builds trust. Second, it is clear to others that we have their best interests in mind - all the time by our actions and service to them. Third, we have not stepped over appropriate boundaries in the relationship or taken advantage of others. Fourth, our interactions are respectful, honoring and have the effect of building others up. Fifth, we can be counted on, are faithful friends and show up when needed. All of these qualities over time build significant equity in the relationship. When any of them are violated we lose equity.

There are no investments more worthwhile or important than relational ones. Those investments are the currency of influence and growth as we interact with people with whom we have mutual trust. They are to be guarded carefully because once violated, they can be hard to rebuild. Those with great relational equity are wealthy people in the best sense of the word.

Straight Talk about Results in Missions

Missionaries are under increasing pressure to prove that they are getting results in missions today. Impatient sending churches are sometimes quick to criticize and even pull support when their version of results are not realized. This is both a good thing and a bad thing...depending.

At the expense of irritating some local church leaders, I want to suggest that the pressure for quick results in missions is not only unbiblical but hypocritical. In the United States it takes on average 168 people one year to bring one person to Christ. A church that sees ten percent conversion growth in any given year is on the very high end of churches nationally (on average). So a church of 500 would see 50 conversions in the course of a year and that would be considered very healthy. Think about that. Five hundred people and 50 conversions. Now apply that same standard to missionaries (what a team of ten or so) working in hard soil (consider the Muslim context) and we complain that they are not seeing quick results! If we applied the standards to ourselves that we apply to missionaries we would often get a failing grade! Yes we have many large churches and the vast majority of those who make up the congregations have transferred in from other churches while the vast majority of mission conversions are first generation Christians.

The west loves fast results. Missions is rarely about fast results. It was not for Paul and it will not be for us. It took nearly 300 years for Paul's early efforts in missions to see Christianity flourish in the Roman empire - 300 years.

As the leader of a mission organization, ReachGlobal, one of our guiding principles is that "We measure results." We want to know whether or not we are being effective. In addition, we deploy in teams for maximum synergies and insist that all staff have annual ministry plans and Key Result Areas - including me. We are always looking for best practices and as another one of our guiding principles states, "We practice entrepreneurial thinking." In addition, our Central Ministry Focus is to develop, empower and release healthy national leaders. So we are all about multiplication over addition. All well and good - except - we cannot control when "harvest" comes. We can control our intentionality and best practices but we cannot control the harvest. In fact, there is no excuse for lack of intentionality in missions but the fact remains we do not control the harvest - only God does.

Here is what I know from Scripture: God intends to bring an amazing harvest in His time, in His way and through His power. We are asked to simply live in His power, see through His eyes and live in faith filled expectancy. Harvest will come but we do not control the timing.

But I know several other things from the New Testament and Paul's example in particular. First, the harvest is never easy. Read Paul's litany of tough experiences in 2 Corinthians 11. There were places where Paul saw significant harvest and there were places where he did not.

In the first 25 years of Robert Morrison's ministry as the first Protestant to China he baptized only ten people. Twenty five years and ten people baptized. Yet, Morrison is widely known as the reason that Christianity came to China in the 1800's leading to the largest church in the world today. What if Morrison had been told after ten years of almost no results to come home and find a place where the harvest was better? Read the history of missions in India and many other places and the lesson is the same.

This goes to Paul's reminder in 1 Corinthians 3:5-9 that some of us sow, some of us water and some of us reap. He asks, which is more important, the sower, the one who waters or the reaper? Remember: wherever there is a significant harvest, there was behind that harvest those who labored for years in obscurity, sowing and watering. Like Morrison, they may never see the harvest in this life and while those who get to harvest get the accolades in missions, it was those who did the harder work of sowing and watering and praying that deserve the bulk of the credit.

ReachGlobal works in over 75 countries. In some countries the spiritual results are easy to see and large but only because someone before us did the hard and tedious and tough work of sowing and watering. In other contexts we are doing the tough work of sowing and watering and perhaps others will see the harvest.

In all cases we need to ensure that the investment we make in missions is being used wisely and that we are ministering with great intentionality. And we need to be people of prayer (in the local church and in missions) that God would break through. But we do not control the timing of that breakthrough.  That is true domestically and internationally.

What do you think Paul would say if we told him that we only went to places where the harvest was significant? That would rule out most of the Muslim world (one billion) much of Europe and many yet to be reached people.

I lived in Hong Kong from 1960 to 1971 where my parents were medical missionaries. When we left there were five or six churches. It was slow going and hard. Today there are 55 Free Churches including the largest EFC in the world (10,000) to say nothing of the many other evangelical churches that saturate the territory. The church in Hong Kong stands on the shoulders of those missionaries who labored there, sowing and watering for many years, seeing only meager results.

We need a better theology of missions today. A theology rather than simple expediency.

God intends to bring an amazing harvest in His time, in His way and through His power. We are asked to simply live in His power, see through His eyes and live in faith filled expectancy. Harvest will come but we do not control the timing. The question is whether we will partner with God not only in harvest but in sowing and watering. Those who focus only on the harvest have settled for expediency. Those who focus on all three focus on a biblical view of global missions.

Influence and self unimportance

I meet two kinds of people in Christian work. There are those who have a need for self importance. They need an impressive title, want significant authority, and need a fair amount of personal recognition. Often, in order to confirm their importance and expertise they will make declarative statements on issues and everyone knows from their demeanor that they are "important."

What is interesting about this is that Jesus Himself, never tried to act or look important and He is our model and the One we serve. How He was seen by others was not even on His radar. How he was seen by His Father was His overriding concern. Our desire to be important is antithetical to the One we serve. In fact, Jesus was content to be seen as unimportant by most. Those He ministered too, knew His worth!

Ironically, those who seek recognition often have the least influence because they are not servants of others and while people may give them deference because they know they want it, they do not necessarily respect them. In fact the way to the greatest influence in God's kingdom is cultivating self unimportance in the sense that our objective is to serve others rather than see others as serving us. The way to the greatest influence is that of humble service, regardless of our job title, recognition or scope of authority.

This second kind of Christian worker wants to have the greatest influence for God and His kingdom as possible but they are not driven by recognition or position.

What are the marks of self unimportance that lead to great influence? The first is that we take the posture of a servant to others. I lead an organization but my greatest influence does not come from my title but from the way I serve those who work in the organization. My goal is to make ReachGlobal a great place for people to work, use their gifting and be released to accomplish our mission. To the extent that I serve those in RG well, I have influence both inside our organization and in the world at large. In fact, I believe the job of leaders is to serve well by creating an environment where people and ministry can flourish.

Second, people who cultivate self unimportance listen and dialogue with others rather than making declarative statements or unilateral decisions. Watch leaders who listen, ask questions, dialogue and invite discussion and feedback and you see people who are less interested in their own importance and more interested in engaging a team for ministry results. 

Third, people who cultivate self unimportance minister to the needs of others. They are outward centered, care about the lives and situations of those around them and there is no service too humble for them to perform for others. They believe that people are important, matter to God, have infinite worth and treat them with love and respect. Again, it is an attitude of service to others rather than one of having the expectation of being served. 

Fourth, people who cultivate self unimportance do not seek the applause of others. Life is not about them. It is about Christ and His Kingdom. There is a deep satisfaction found in serving Jesus and His divine amen on their lives is far more important than the recognition of those around them. They are Jesus driven, not recognition driven.

This is an important distinction. Those who need the recognition of others or status are really trying to find their value and significance from other people. Their need comes out of their own lack of inner peace, confidence and self worth that comes from a deep relationship with Jesus. If our self worth is found in Christ, there is no situation that will rob us from that self worth. If it is found in status or position or the applause of others, it will be gone the instant those accoutrements of our lives are gone and they are indeed temporary and transitory.


Those who are confident in their relationship and standing with Jesus simply don't need the recognition of others and status to prop up their self worth. And because they don't need it they don't seek it. Ironically, they are the very ones others value, trust and are drawn to because of their servant and kingdom mindset. Because they are interested in kingdom influence rather than personal recognition (both take time and energy and focus) they end up having greater impact than those focused on themselves.


Influence comes from not needing to be important with others and that becomes possible when we know that our identity is found in Christ above all. Secure in Him we can focus on His kingdom and not our importance.

Our Inner Compass and Decision Making

Each of us has an inner compass which is made up of our convictions,  accumulated experiences, skill set and of course, the voice of the Holy Spirit. Wise individuals learn to pay attention to that inner compass and not to move forward on something where there is not inner peace. It is an intangible voice but one that should never be ignored.

It is not unusual for leaders to be pushed for decisions that others would like them to make. It is easy to accede to that pressure even when there is a "gut check" that says, "don't do it." We ought to be very cautious about moving forward when there is a "heart check" that exists in our spirit. My experience is that when I have ignored that "check in my spirit" I have been sorry later.

Another area where we need to heed our "inner discernment" is with people when positioning them within our organization. They or their advocates may push for a certain job or position when one's inner compass has yellow or red flags. Until those flags have been resolved it is unwise to make a move, regardless of the pressure.

Even our own job factors into our inner compass. There come times in our lives when our spirit is telling us that it is time to move on, do something different or move in a different direction. The best thing we can do is to take that prompting seriously and make it a matter of consideration and prayer.

Sometimes this prompting comes from our own experience and the wisdom we have gained over the years. That bank of experience and wisdom should be taken seriously. Other times, it is the Holy Spirit that is prompting us in one direction or another. Learning to discern the voice of the Holy Spirit is one of the greatest gifts we could give ourselves. He knows things we don't know and is our "counselor."

Heeding our inner compass, whether our own bank of experience or the promptings of the Holy Spirit does not come on the fly. They require one to be reflective, to think about decisions long enough to be comfortable with the direction one is going and to be prayerful in that reflection. That is why wise individuals are deeply reflective and refuse to make decisions before they are ready to or to simply allow others to make decisions for them. 

Reflection, prayer, time and past experience have a way of giving us great wisdom if we will slow down to make those considerations a priority. It can save us from lots of "dumb tax" and future regrets.

Emotional Voyeurism and Pseudo Discipling

There are people who under the guise of spiritual formation and "community" encourage others to bare their deepest secrets to them. I am not talking about trained counselors here but good intentioned individuals who believe that unless all is on the table and out in the open there cannot be growth. They set themselves up as the spiritual coach who can guide the process and encourage people to peel  back the layers of their psyche to them.

In large part, these individuals are seeking to play the role of the Holy Spirit in the lives of others but what it often really amounts to is emotional voyeurism - looking into places in another person's life that they are not qualified to look into, opening wounds or issues that they are not qualified to deal with and creating an emotional bond (enmeshment) that is unhealthy and creates spiritual dependency on them.

These individuals naturally gravitate toward other emotionally wounded individuals who are already vulnerable and needy.  Because emotionally needy people need the affirmation of others they are easily drawn into spiritual enmeshed relationships with these "pseudo disciplers" that is unhealthy. And, it is not unusual for them to actually become even more unhealthy as unqualified "counselors" open issues in their lives that they cannot help fix.  Because these self taught spiritual coaches use hyper spiritual language, those drawn in believe that these individuals can help them grow closer to God when in reality they are often simply creating spiritual dependency on themselves.

Healthy followers of Christ never open wounds or get into issues that they are not qualified to deal with. In addition, they never play the role of the Holy Spirit in the lives of others. Nor do they, in their discipling of others, create a spiritual dependency on themselves. Frankly this is how cults come into being as it can be emotionally appealing to have others dependent on us an there are always vulnerable people who will go there if we allow them.

Healthy disciplers help others grow in their own self - knowledge through time in the word, in prayer and introspection. They do not need to know or even desire to know many of the details of another's inner life but point them continually to God. Appropriate sharing in appropriate settings is encouraged for mutual edification and accountability but never in a way that supplants the role of the Holy Spirit or creates a spiritual dependency on another individual. Our dependency is always on Christ rather than a person.

Churches and ministry organizations should be on guard against those who enjoy emotional voyeurism or spiritual dependencies. No matter what the spiritual language that is used, anyone who is creating spiritual or emotional dependencies on themselves are not themselves healthy. In fact, it is usually unresolved spiritual issues in their own lives that give them a need to create enmeshed emotional and spiritual ties with other vulnerable individuals. Whether called discipleship, community or spiritual coaching, be on guard. Healthy individuals create healthy relationships, personally and spiritually. Unhealthy individuals create unhealthy relationships, personally and spiritually.

Are we people of the Book?

Christians have historically been called the "people of the book," because they placed so much emphasis on the Bible as the source of all truth. I was recently in a meeting of Christian workers and people were invited to come forward and read a verse or verses which had profoundly impacted their lives - life verses if you will. A long line formed and for almost an hour, those key verses were read.

What was interesting was that there were almost no duplications and as one connected the life verse with the individual reading it one realized how that "truth" had profoundly impacted their lives. It was one of the most moving experiences I have seen around the Word. And it was a reminder of the amazing spiritual power of the Word to change lives and direct the steps of our daily walk. Many were in full time ministry because the Holy Spirit used a specific Scripture to point them in that direction. 


Our world is awash with books on the Spiritual life. I have written several and am working on another. But, there is no substitute for the Word itself. It has power as God's voice to us that nothing else can compete with. While I did not like it at the time, I am thankful for the many verses I had to learn as a child (one a week for allowance) that have stayed with me for fifty five years now. Those verses inform my life, my decisions, my writing and my thinking daily.


Paul said to Timothy and to us, "But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16-17)."


When it comes to understanding and relating to God, understanding and relating to ourselves and understanding and relating to others - the three important areas of needed knowledge, nothing can substitute for God's Word: not messages, not reading about God's Word or small groups. It is His Word that has power to change our lives through the Holy Spirit. When we neglect the regular reading of His Word the joy of our lives is diminished and the quality of our followership is compromised. Second hand knowledge does not substitute for first hand experience.


Do you have a plan for time in God's Word daily? There are no substitutes. Spiritual formation and time in God's word are inseperable.

Critical Decisions

Many would be leaders relish the fact that they make fast decisions. They believe that quick and decisive decision making is the mark of a leader. It might be for a general in war time but apart from those situations that require immediate action, the best decisions are not made fast. In fact, the more significant the decision, the slower it should be made. Here are some components of good decision making.

When making critical decisions, good leaders think grey for a period of time. Grey thinking is thinking through options, listening to opinions and evaluating consequences without forming a conclusion until one needs to. It is the discipline of not forming a conclusion until one must in order to provide the time to gather information, listen to council and understand the implications. When thinking grey, leaders are not lobbying for a position with others, rather they are listening and evaluating.


Good leaders don't make critical decisions alone. The bring the best minds to the table to talk through options and come to a common conclusion. This may mean several or even many rounds of discussion until there is consensus that it is time to move forward and there is agreement on the direction. This runs counter to the "Captain and Commander" version of leadership where like the captain in the film, the leader makes unilateral decisions. The fact is that great leaders keep themselves and their organizations out of trouble by collaboration on critical decisions.

One of the key reasons for collaboration in is that there is likely to be push back from someone who does not agree with the direction. A leader does not want to be hanging out alone when that happens. He/she wants to have a guiding coalition of those who have been involved, agree with the direction and will help communicate and defend it. 


Good leaders seek to understand the positive and negative consequences of critical decisions. They think through who will be affected, who is likely to push back and why, what questions will be asked, and especially what the unintended consequences will be. This is why thinking grey and collaboration are so important. Greater clarity comes over time as these issues are considered.


Good leaders make critical decisions a matter of prayer. God has information we don't have and He may choose to speak into our thinking - generally He does if asked. 


Good leaders seek to come to the greatest clarity possible on why a certain decision has been made and how it will be communicated so that there is the best understanding and the greatest buy in - even if the decision has negative consequences for some which often they do. Lack of clarity creates confusion and confusion around a critical decision is deadly. Clarity comes best in collaboration as various people look at both the decision and the proposed communication through their particular lens. Quick decisions are far more likely to create questions and confusion than taking the time to do due diligence.

Because decisions impact people, good leaders think through the process of communicating that decision. This often means talking to those impacted before communicating to the organization as a whole. Process can be as important as the decision itself because a poorly thought through process is likely to create either confusion or push back from those who don't like the decision and divert the conversation to the process rather than the decision itself. 


A key part of thinking through communication is to anticipate questions and reactions and seek to address them up front to the extent that this is possible. Included are not just the intellectual questions people may have but the emotions that the decision may elicit. Critical decisions are as much about managing emotions as they are about information. 


Finally, good leaders create venues for dialogue and discussion in the aftermath of critical decisions. The best written explanations cannot substitute for face to face discussion with those who desire it. Remember that what you have been processing for some time may come as a surprise and shock to those who hear it for the first time. They need the same processing as you did only they must process after the fact.


Critical decisions impact people and good leaders care deeply about the people they lead. Thus they pay the time and attention to major decisions that will impact the organization and its staff.

The High Cost of Forgiveness

Forgiving those who have offended us is an imperative that one simply cannot escape in the Gospels or the Epistles. So radical was the notion to many that they actually asked Jesus, "well how many times do we need to forgive?" and Jesus replied 70 times 7, which was His way of saying, "There is no limit!" Our example is Christ Himself...which does not leave any wiggle room as Christ has forgiven us all of our sin which in the end were offenses against Him and His holiness and continues to do so every day. So the parable of the unforgiving servant!


Having been married 35 years I have had many occasions to be forgiven by a loving spouse and to forgive. Hard as it is sometimes with those we love, we have a vested interest in both forgiving and being forgiven because we value the relationship as there is no joy in unforgiving relationships. So too with our family members and close friends.


It is also easier to forgive when we are asked to forgive - after all the one asking is acknowledging their wrong. It may not make it easy - depending on the offense and its consequences on our lives but the acknowledgement of being wronged certainly helps. 


The highest cost of forgiveness comes when we have been grievously wronged and there is no acknowledgement of the wrong. Accusations that are not true that go to our reputation, treatment that affects our livelihood and families, pain inflicted whose consequences will be with us for a lifetime in one way or another. Wrongs that even if acknowledged, cannot be taken back and impact us for years. Most of us have experienced situations like this. The question is whether we have paid the high cost of forgiving even when the cost is very, very high. Even when those we choose to forgive do not deserve our forgiveness.


Why pay the cost? First because we are told to by Christ who paid the cost for us. It is a Jesus thing to do and we are Jesus people. The world holds on to its offenses but we choose to forgive as He forgave us.


Second, there is freedom in forgiveness while there is bondage, anger and diminished joy in unforgiveness. As I write in When Life Comes Undone, "The only way out of the bitterness, the hold that the pain has on our lives, and the anger we feel toward those who hurt us is to choose to forgive them. Not for their sake but for our own sake. I don’t pretend it is easy, nor is it quick. But once we have made the decision and practice forgiveness, as the memories come back the hold of that pain lessens,and we are no longer hostage to those who hurt us."

I have often wondered why Jesus said we should forgive 70 times 7 times. Today I think I know. Because forgiveness is a process - especially for those egregious offenses that change the course of our lives and cause the deepest pain. I have been there and it took me years of repeated choices to forgive to get me to a place of freedom. In giving that number, Jesus is acknowledging how hard it is to forgive in certain cases. He is also acknowledging that it is often a process where we must choose forgiveness over and over and over. We don't do it for the sake of those who hurt us as much as we do it for our sake and to reclaim a life of wholeness. Forgiveness is an offensive move toward health when we have been wronged and when the evil one would have us choose a diminished life rather than life in all of its fulness.

There is legitimate and real pain in choosing to forgive egregious offenses. Every time we make the choice we relive the pain of the offense. Forgiveness does not mean that we "forget" (we won't), or that we stuff our plain (we shouldn't). At every juncture of forgiving again we acknowledge the pain and then make the choice to forgive. This is not pain avoidance but the opposite: it is allowing Jesus to help us work through the pain as we continually choose to forgive in spite of the pain.


We also choose to forgive because we know that God can take even the most painful situation and redeem it for His purposes if we choose faith over despair and freedom over bondage. Ironically, my greatest ministry has come out of my deepest pain. I could not conceive that in the dark night of the soul but today I see how God turned my human scars into divine scars and that my ministry has been deeply enriched by the very thing I thought had destroyed it.


There is no trait more like Jesus than that of forgiving the undeserving because that is what Jesus did for us (Matthew 18:21-35).

Bigger is often not better

As one who works with ministries and ministry leaders I often hear rather dramatic plans for income expansion along with a tendency to believe that more ministry requires more people. I would offer some suggestions to think about coming out of many years of ministry leadership.

One: Bigger is not necessarily better. Bigger does not necessarily translate into greater ministry impact but what it does do is add a tremendous burden financially, administratively and in management. Because budgets and staff are things we can count, we often use them to define success - at least in the west. 

Success, however, is ministry impact and some ministries would be far better served to contract down to a core purpose, do that core purpose well and refuse to get sucked into ancillary things that are good but not core to who they are. A lean, nimble, "right sized" organization is better positioned for ministry impact than a bureaucratic, slow, undexterous large one. There are ministry organizations who have become so large that it is nearly impossible to change their direction and DNA. Don't assume larger is better.

Two: More money does not necessarily allow you to accomplish more ministry. I have a very good ministry friend whose plans always cost an amazing amount of money. I jokingly tell him that the right number is to divide his number by ten. He is never able to raise his large sums anyway. Resources are necessary for ministry. However, the thinking that "if I had more I could do more is often not true."

What is more important than how much money we have is how much we leverage the money we have for ministry impact. The issue is not the amount of money but the amount of leverage that the dollars we have can make. Often, there are ways of doing ministry that are far less expensive than we assume - if we are willing to rethink how we do what we do.

The positive thing about limited resources is that it forces us to prioritize those resources. Not everything we do has equal weight, importance or value. It is not a bad thing to evaluate and reallocate resources toward those things that will give us greatest ministry impact. Don't assume more money is the answer to your ministry's future.

Third: More ministries do not necessarily help you get where you want to go. Ministries often tend to add ancillary ministries in good times because they can. Ancillary ministries are things that are good but not central and core to who you are, what you have been called to do or where your expertise lies. Ministries can be like magnets picking up good things to do which actually detract from the central thing they do.

Every ministry needs to define what their core mission is and focus on being the very best they can be at that core calling. In fact, economic times like the one we are in right now force that conversation because good things many of us have been doing are no longer viable as donation income falters. It is very easy to stray from one's core calling. But it is in that calling, not ancillary callings, that you will have your greatest impact. So don't assume that more ministry is better ministry.
 

The economy is down so what do I do with my giving?

Whenever fear hits our economy, one of the first changes many people make is to cut back on their giving - whether or not the economy has affected them personally. It is the response of fear. I would take a different tack and suggest that even if the economy is impacting us personally, the last place we ought to cut back is in our giving. 

The priority we place on our giving is a direct reflection on the priority we place on being generous with the One who has been generous with us. It is a act of thanksgiving. It is also a direct reflection of our priority to be a part of spreading the Gospel that has been our salvation. It is an act of followership. When giving is the first to go among our priorities in hard times it simply indicates that it is not a real priority to us but an optional activity. Something nice when we have extra. 

Think about this: God does not abandon us no matter how tough things get. His faithfulness is the one thing we can count on at all times. Why, then would we easily cut back on our thanksgiving and followership by quickly abandoning our generosity in tough times. If anything it becomes an opportunity for us to be creative in our ways to give.

While the credit of the Federal government has been downgraded, God's faith and credit (and generosity to us) has not and will not be. So my goal is to do all I can to be as generous as I have been and trust Him for my daily provision, come what may. And you?

The American Dream and God's Dream

As one who travels the world and sees how most of the world lives, I can say with great thankfulness that I enjoy freedoms and opportunities that are absent in much of our world. The ability to make a living, to have a home, access to childcare, a judicial system that while flawed in many instances is better then most in the world and the list could go on. For many, the "American dream" is alive and well, if not a bit more complicated than it used to be. 

Whether we live in the United States or another developed country we have much to be thankful for. The alternatives are so much harder and more difficult.


But....


God's greatest goal for us is not that we are comfortable, have all we need and live a pain free life. His greatest goal is that we experience Him in all His fullness, live out His purpose and destiny for our lives and daily take up our cross and follow Him. The great irony is that all we have are blessings from His hand but those very blessings can easily sidetrack us from the very thing that will bring us our greatest pleasure and His: Living in the center of His will! It is the paradox He warned the Israelites of in Deuteronomy where He warned them of being seduced by their prosperity, allowing themselves to think it was from their own hand and divert their attention from full followership of Him.


If comfort was our goal, Robert Morrison would never have been the first missionary to China, leading to a Christian population today of over 100 million. If comfort was our goal, the translators of Wycliffe Bible Translators would not have gone to remote villages to spend their lives translating the Good News. Nor would Paul have put up with beatings, shipwrecks, death threats, poverty and hardship for the sake of the Gospel - among whom we are the recipients. If comfort was the goal, the men and women of Hebrews 11 would not have followed God to hard places and suffered hard things for His sake. 


Jim Elliott had it right. "He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." All God asks is that we follow him closely, respond when He speaks to us and live lives that are in alignment with His heart. Ironically, the very things He may ask us to do are the very keys to our own joy and legacy. 


No one will regret for one instant in "eternity" what they sacrificed for the sake of Christ in "time." Many will regret for all eternity that they didn't follow Him more closely in this life. Our comfort is always secondary to our followership but in that followership we find joy beyond belief.

The church as a redemptive community

Local congregations that desire to mirror the heart of Jesus willingly and intentionally embrace the role of being a redemptive community - embracing the broken and the hurting with the goal of moving them toward wholeness and healing.

Listen to the heart of Jesus: "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." In the cosmic battle between the evil one and Christ, the evil one will do all he can to destroy people made in the image of God. Any way he can bring destruction he does and will. The pseudo satisfaction of sin is just that: the promise of joy and wholeness through the violation of righteousness and holiness. And with that destruction comes pain, guilt, sadness, addictions, relational brokenness and all the undoneness that characterizes our societies.

Jesus on the other hand, through the cross and the redemptive work of the Holy Spirit is in the business of redeeming what the evil one has destroyed and stolen in order to restore the image that He created us in - His image. Redemption is not just redeemed hearts (it starts there) but it is the bringing of life and life in all its fullness to people who have been damaged and victimized by the evil one. It is an ongoing process from brokenness to wholeness. 

If that is the desire, ministry and commitment of Jesus, it must also be that of the church. We are a community of the redeemed after all, who are together on a journey toward greater wholeness as we pursue His image. As such, we are looking for the broken and hurting, introducing them to Christ, and as a part of our discipleship, helping them move from their brokenness to wholeness.

Do we see ourselves that way and do we portray that "redemptive community" to those we seek to reach? Here is an interesting observation. Most advertising for local churches portrays happy, intact, prosperous families, vibrant worship, healthy people who seem to have it all together and are living the American dream. If you doubt me, check out the web sites of local churches. What does that say to the broken, discouraged, divorced, and addicted individual who is looking for hope? It probably says, there is no one here that is in my shoes. Now look at the ads for local counseling centers or drug rehab centers and you get the picture. And by the way, what does the American dream have to do with following Jesus?


How do we see ourselves in the local church? Do we see ourselves as a place for people who have it together or a place for people who don't but want to go there? Are we a community of the redeemed, moving toward His image (slow and difficult as that is) or do we already have it together? (an oxymoron until we get to heaven). Are we looking for the "nice" people or the "broken" people?


To put this into New Testament perspective, the nice and the together were the Pharisees who looked the part on the outside but were in Jesus words merely "white washed tombs." The redeemed who were moving toward wholeness from brokenness were the tax collectors, prostitutes, lepers, and generally the scum of the earth who understood brokenness and craved wholeness. 


I wonder if the modern day pharisees are those who pretend that they  have it together spiritually when inside there is a lot of hidden darkness and brokenness. I wonder if the modern day prostitutes and tax collectors are those who know how desperately broken they are and who genuinely crave the mercy, love and wholeness that Jesus brings. That is what a redemptive community looks like. Can whole congregations be characterized by one group or the other?

Four reasons people don't fully embrace their God designed gifting and destiny

Many people have not yet stepped completely into their destiny and embraced who God made them to be. They are holding back, and in doing so and living cautiously they live with the sense that God has something more for them, that they are not truly fulfilled and that they are not using all of the gifts and wiring that God created within them. 

Why would people not fully embrace and live out the real them that God created and settle for something less than they know to be who they are? I believe there are four key reasons that we choose caution over all out destiny producing lives.

One: all of us suffer the wounds of life. Many times those wounds cause us to pull into our shell and protect ourselves. The wife who has been told by her husband for years that she is "stupid" and "incompetent." The pastor who has suffered wounds from his leaders and chooses to back off and lead cautiously. The woman who had an abortion in her youth and secretly believes that because of that act she will never be used by God.

Life brings with it wounds and those wounds, even without us knowing it can cause us to pull back from all God made us to be. In doing that we short circuit who God made us to be.

Two: The lies of the evil one: He does not want us to claim our destiny or fully live in the lane God created for us. Lies like, "He will never use you because of what you have done," "you are not worthy," "you will make a fool of yourself," "you are not qualified," and the lies in our head go on and on and cause us to pull back, live in caution and even fear. 

The evil one absolutely does not want any of us to step completely into our destiny and who God made us to be because it is then we are a direct threat to him. He will do all he can to keep us living in fear and caution.

Three: The expectations of others. Many of us are doing what we do because someone else had a plan for our lives - parents, spouses, or other well meaning people who told us what we ought to be doing but which leaves us with a quiet sense that we are not doing the right thing that maximizes our gifting and impact. Many people have plans for our lives but God's plan trumps them all. When we are in a role that is incompatible with the real us we live with frustration, anxiety and that vague sense of incompleteness. And it prevents us from fully embracing God's plan for our lives.

Fourth: Fear. Fear of failure, fear of allowing out voice to be heard, fear that we might be wrong, fear that others will take offense. Fear is the killer of faith which is why the number one command in scripture is "Fear not." Here is the irony: God never asks us to step into who he made us to be without promising to go with us, empower us and protect us. After all we are simply living out His will for our lives. 

Let me ask a personal and direct question. Are you holding back in your life? Are you resisting God's whisper to step out and be who God made you to be - completely? Do you have a sense that God has more for you but that it is you who is holding back? If so, the antidote to these destiny killers is to courageously step out in faith, in followership and in close connection with God and just go for it, trusting that God will go with you.

Cautious living leads to diminished joy and diminished impact. When we fully embrace our God given gifts and destiny the adventure begins and our joy increases. 

What has your ministry learned in the past five to ten years?

I had a great conversation with a ministry this week. They are ten years old and the goal of the conversation was to figure out how they could accomplish in the next two years more than they had in the past ten years. 

Now that may sound like an audacious goal, but not necessarily - because, when one stops and thinks about it, lessons have been learned positive and negative that could change the nature of how the ministry approached its next run and from those lessons extrapolate ministry strategy that is far more successful.

The answers to "what have we learned in the first ten years" filled a huge whiteboard several times over. The dialogue around those lessons started to clarify in these leaders minds, how they needed to shape their strategy for the future.

Once we had done this we moved to a second question. What "game changers" could we think of that would dramatically increase the ministry's impact in the next two years. We put one other thing on the table: as we considered the next two years we wanted to totally ignore how we were currently configured and ask how we would organize the ministry today if we were starting all over - knowing what we know today.

Our goal was to erase from our minds our preconceived conceptions of how things should be done (because we have always done them that way) and ask how we would organize today if we were starting from scratch based on lessons learned. Again, we came up with some significant game changers along with robust dialogue around those potential changes. 

Based on those "game changers" this ministry is moving forward and taking some calculated risks about how they see a quantum leap in their ministry effectiveness - based on the positive and negative lessons learned in their past. 

If you have never tried this exercise I would strongly encourage you to do so. Your team actually has an amazing amount of information as to what has worked well and what has not worked well but until one puts that in black and white and asks one can leverage that valuable information for the future, we continue to do what we always did - out of sheer habit.

What boards and pastors need to know about one another

The relationship between senior pastors and their board is a critical factor in the success or failure of any pastor and it therefore impacts the health of the church. It is not always an easy relationship and takes time to build and nurture. Here are some things that pastors and boards need to know about one another.

Boards need to know that pastors see their role not as a job but as a calling. It is one of the reasons that many pastors are deeply sensitive to what they perceive to be criticism. This is their life, not just a job! Board members who are insensitive or critical are likely to get a defensive reaction from many pastors. Yes, pastors (I was one) can be insecure and sensitive. Much of that is that they care a lot about what they do.

Boards need to know that a pastor can weather almost any storm as long as the board is with him. But, if the board is not supportive publicly and privately the relationship is likely to go south. This does not mean that they always need to agree. It does mean that a pastor can count on the board to guard his back and take arrows for him. Boards that are not supportive are likely to lose their pastor as no pastor can effectively minister without the support of his board. Pastors are much more likely to listen carefully to board members who they know they can trust than whose support is tepid.

The job of a pastor is often a lonely one and it brings with it huge pressures. Someone is always unhappy and unlike the workplace you cannot fire your congregants! If a pastor can rely on his board for friendship and support it goes a long way for them.

Boards need to know that pastors resent being micromanaged. Pastors have lots of people who think they can and should tell them how to do what they do. What they don’t want is the board doing the same thing in terms of their day to day duties. Healthy boards don’t do management – they leave that to the pastoral staff (or volunteers). Instead they focus on vision and direction and policy.

Pastors on the other hand need to know that board members are used to having robust dialogue without people getting defensive over direct comments and opinions. That is the way it is in most workplaces. People express their opinions openly and candidly and it is expected that others can take it without it causing angst. Just because board members express differing opinions does not mean they are not in your corner. They are used to candid discussion.

Pastors need to know that board members have a tremendous amount of expertise from their experience and work which can be brought to bear on ministry. And they want to use their gifts in the ministry setting. But they often feel like this is not welcome because “this is a ministry not business.” Good leadership, good practices apply in the workplace and the church. Whenever we give the impression that “business and ministry” don’t match up we disemempower board members who come out of the non ministry world.

Pastors need to know that board members care about bottom line results and getting things done. They are often frustrated by the slow pace in ministry or staff members who don’t have a plan or cannot execute that plan. Return on investment (ROI) is something they value in their business – they want to stay in business. Return on mission (ROM) is something they value in the church. Lack of effective planning and execution on the plan will cause great frustration to good leaders.

Consider having a candid conversation as a board with your pastor on areas that each side sees that cause angst or frustration. You may not agree on everything but at least you will understand one another better and the needs that both have from the other. As this relationship goes, so goes the church.