Herding cats and congregational alignment

Congregations are effective to the extent that their people are moving in the same general direction. When leaders have a direction and can mobilize their people in that direction, there is great power. When leaders don’t have a direction or people don’t know the direction, or there has not been significant effort to herd the cats in that direction, mission suffers.

It is not easy to herd cats and it is not easy to get a group of people pointed in the same direction. But it is possible and wise leaders work on making it happen. Here are some basic tips in how to make that happen in your church.

Clarify the basics. 
Leaders need to have clarity before they can communicate clarity. They need clarity around four key areas. One, what is our mission? Two, what are our guiding principles or the non-negotiables for how we do what we do and relate to one another? Three, what is the single most important thing we need to focus on (central ministry focus)? Four, what do we want the end result of our ministry to look like (spiritual vitality)?

Leaders, pastors and staff must have a common set of commitments and a common vocabulary around these four core issues so that they can communicate them consistently and clearly with the congregation.

Communicate constantly. You cannot over communicate the basics. While we may get tired of hearing ourselves saying them, it is in the constant communication of what is truly important that people start to assimilate those beliefs. People crave clarity and good leaders provide the clarity on a regular basis. If you can communicate those key issues in a simple, clear and consistent manner, people will start to remember them.

Be upfront with new members and attenders.
The reference point for what church is or should be for people who have had prior church experience is some church in their past. They often come into a new church thinking that your church will be like some past church. It won’t in all likelihood. Use new member classes or informal gatherings of new attenders to communicate who you are, what your commitments are and what your direction is. Clarify the four issues noted earlier.

This is important if you truly want your culture to reflect your mission, guiding principles, central ministry focus and end result. The fact is that you do not want people importing values that are inconsistent with who you are or want to be. Not all churches fit all people. Be clear as to who you are and what people can expect in their experience in your congregation.

Ensure that every ministry in the church is communicating the same thing. You will either lose alignment or gain alignment depending on whether every one of your ministry leaders and key volunteers is communicating the same message. For instance, all staff, volunteers and ministry leaders need to know those things that you are clear on regarding mission, guiding principles, central ministry focus and the end goal of your ministries - and have a plan for how they will communicate them in their particular ministry. If all ministry leaders communicate and live out the same message – it will get through.

Use small groups to focus the congregation on key ministries. 
Small groups can either align or miss-align a congregation depending on whether there is a strategy to ensure that leaders are paying attention to the key ministry commitments of the congregation. For instance, one should ensure that every small group is intentionally helping people move toward a common definition of spiritual maturity – depending on how your church as defined maturity. Or, if community involvement is key to your ministry, every small group should have a plan for how they will contribute to community ministry.

All small group leaders should have the same understanding, commitment to and concern for the mission, guiding principles, central ministry focus and the desired end result of ministry. If they do not have the same commitment as staff and leaders, the cats will not be moving in the same direction.

Develop your "way"
Executives from around the world pay big bucks to attend Disney seminars on the “Disney Way.” It is the way that the Disney Company does business, treats employees and the unique culture they espouse. Every church ought to have “a way” or a culture that defines it that is inculcated into every staff member, every board member, every volunteer or key ministry leader – and then into the congregation as a whole.

Your way includes the culture you want to create (guiding principles), the mission you exist for, the desired end result of your ministry (spiritual vitality) and the central ministry focus – the developing, empowering and releasing of people into active, meaningful ministry.

This also includes a common vocabulary that is spoken in your hallways, the living out of your preferred culture and a consistent message over time. Done well, you will develop your unique culture and the cats will move generally in the same direction.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Before you determine strategy

As an organizational leader and consultant I encounter many can do people with lots of creative ideas as to what the ministry they are a part of should be doing. Readers of this blog know that I love creative ideas. However, ideas and strategies can also be your undoing if you don't do some critical work first.

Before you go to strategy you need to go to another harder place - ministry clarity. Ministry clarity answers the four key questions every organization needs to answer: Why are we here? What are our non-negotiable guiding principles? What do we need to do day in and day out to maximize our impact? and What culture must we create in order to see our dreams realized. 

Without clarity which becomes the true north of your ministry strategies (whether good or bad) are merely floating ideas which may or may well not contribute to your end result. 

It is only when you know the specific direction you are to go that strategies come into play and the ones you choose should only be those that allow you to move toward the direction you have chosen. Many ideas will take you somewhere. The question is whether they will take you toward the God given vision you have articulated as to where your ministry needs to go. Many ideas and strategies will actually be counter productive to where you want to end up which is why clarity must come before strategy.

As a consultant I am often asked early in a relationship if the ministry should do thus and so. My answer is always "I have no idea." That surprises ministry leaders until I explain that until they have clarity on where they need to go there is no point in discussing specific ideas and strategies. It is truly the cart before the horse.

Many ministries do a lot of good things but never achieve the impact they could have. Usually that is because there is insufficient clarity to guide their decision making process. Clarity is always first, other issues come second. Chapters two, three and four in Leading From the Sandbox are all about getting to clarity. If you know this is a need for your ministry I would encourage you to take a look.

Reflections on Emotional Intelligence

Ministry organizations pay far too little attention to the issue of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). When we hire we look at competency and character and fit with our organization. But, we often gloss over the individual's EQ and if the EQ is not good we pay a price for neglecting this issue.

In most ministry settings the single greatest cause of conflict revolves around poor EQ causing relational issues, bad feelings, disempowerment and lack of health.

Emotional Intelligence, often labeled EQ, is the ability to understand ourselves, know what drives us, accurately see who how we are perceived by others, and know how we relate to others. EQ also measures whether we have the relational skill to work synergistically with others while being 'self defining' and allowing others to speak into our lives or work without defensiveness.

Signs of poor EQ include the inability to listen to others, personal defensiveness, unawareness of how we come across to others, lack of sensitivity to the feelings of others, inability to constructively deal with conflict, a need to control others, narcissism, and the need to have our own way.

Good EQ includes openness to the opinions of others, lack of defensiveness, awareness of who we are and how others perceive us, sensitivity to others, the ability to release others rather than control them, allow for constructive and robust dialogue, and the ability to abide by common decisions.

It is possible for someone to have great competence but to have low EQ and leave relational havoc in their wake. Don't put them on your team. In fact, if they cannot be helped to become healthy, they probably should not be an employee of your ministry because no matter how competent they are, the damage they cause relationally in and outside the organization is too high. The alternative is to put them in a spot where they will do the least damage to others.

One of the sins of ministry organizations is that under the guise of 'grace' or 'being nice' we are not honest with people who have EQ issues. We don't tell them when their style hurts others or causes relational chaos. Then having not been honest, we finally get fed up and let them go. That is not helpful nor fair.

The first step in helping people develop better EQ is to sit down with them and honestly share how the behaviors that are problematic cause problems and to suggest ways that they can modify their behavior to minimize the negative fallout. Many times in our organization we will ask people to see a psychologist when there are significant issues to try to bring change. Where change is not forthcoming we will take action to help them find another organization to work for. The alternative is to compromise the health of the team they are on and the missional effectiveness of the ministry.

Good EQ for leaders is especially important. Leaders with poor EQ often control others, micro-manage, are threatened by people who are more competent than themselves, do not foster robust dialogue and consequently are unable to develop healthy teams. The fallout on the team are issues that people don't dare discuss, mistrust, silo mentalities, frustration of team members and lack of cooperation.

Two excellent articles on Emotional Intelligence are Leadership that Gets Results, Daniel Goleman, Harvard Business Review, March-April 2000, reprint number R00204 and What Makes a Leader, Daniel Goleman, Harvard Business Review, January 2004, Reprint number R0401H

Watching the tide: Don't get caught unaware

Nothing lasts forever, not even our present jobs or ministries. The question is whether we are aware when the tide may be moving out - with the threat that we might be left high and dry. Wise individuals watch the tide so that they are not caught by surprise - and have the opportunity to take action on their own terms.

Tides are not always fair to the ships riding on them. Nor is life at times. Changing tides can be about a church or organization going through transition, leadership changes, personality conflicts with those we may work closely with, a lack of agreement with the mission or culture of the ministry we serve, or our own need for a change.

The issue is not whether the tide may be going out is due to us or other factors. The issue is whether we are aware of the direction of the water's flow or if we will be caught by surprise. Connected to an awareness of the tide is a discernment as to whether the place where we work continues to be healthy for us and whether it maximizes our gifts.

For senior leaders the first question is, how am I doing with my board to whom I am ultimately accountable?

Whether in the secular world or the world of ministry, knowing how your board views your work, effectiveness and ability to drive the mission at any stage of your leadership is paramount. My observation is that once one has lost the confidence of the board that the tide is unlikely to come back in.

If there are tensions with the board it is critical to know where the tensions are and then to determine whether it is possible to resolve the issues involved, or if it is going to be a losing battle. Again, the issue is not whether it is a "fair" situation, from our point of view. It is better to have honest, candid and robust discussion with a board than to find out one day that the tide has gone out on us and we are being asked to leave. Or are fired.

The same goes for those of us who report to a supervisor other than a board. One of the best things we can do is to solicit regular feedback on their view of our work so that there are no surprises. I realize that it can feel threatening to actually ask the important questions. The alternative, however, is even worse - not knowing that there are issues - or pretending that there are not when we know there are.

This does not mean that our supervisor always needs to be happy with us or that we cannot press back on issues. In fact, that is exactly what happens when there is a relationship of trust between a staff member and supervisor. Honesty and disagreement are expected in a healthy relationship. It does mean that we are aware if there are deeper issues that a supervisor may have with us - and whether those issues can be resolved or not.

We also ought to be aware of how we are doing with out colleagues, those who play at our level. This takes more personal awareness but it is an indicator of the tides. It is not necessary that we are best friends with our colleagues. It is necessary that they respect us and the effectiveness of our work. If they do not, it can erode our effectiveness since their perceptions can influence others and because our effectiveness is dependent on the willing cooperation of our peers.

An awareness of how those who report to us feel about our work, character, leadership and effectiveness is vastly undervalued. It is easy for leaders or supervisors to pay too little attention to this since they are "in charge." However, the truth is that those who report to us will either help us or hurt us in proportion to the respect that they have for us. If they lose confidence in our ability to lead, we are in serious trouble.

Let me be honest on this one. If we are unwilling to ask those who report to us how we are doing, either using a 360 review process or directly, we should not be leading. We may not like the feedback, we may need to learn from the feedback or we may like the feedback. The issue is whether we are willing to hear the feedback - for our own good and so that we are not surprised.

Healthy leaders have an attitude of "nothing to prove, nothing to lose." They want the feedback so that they can lead better and so that the mission is accomplished. At the least, it is wise to know where our people are. And they probably will not tell us unless we ask.

Finally we need to be aware of our own growth curve, level of challenge and whether we are at the top of our game or have moved into a plateaued or coasting mode. If we are not at the top of our game in the position we are in, we either need to figure out how to get back to the top, or admit that we may need a change. Others will see where we are in our growth curve, so it is wise for us to know as clearly as they do.

Wise individuals are aware individuals. They understand that life is not always fair, that jobs don't last forever, that God is sovereign and that self awareness is a key part of emotional health. They watch the tides, not in fear, but as ship captains do. So they are not caught like the tall ship in the picture.

Eleven things that discourage pastors and Christian leaders

Board members and congregants and staff seem to find it easy to criticize their pastor or leader. After all he works for them. As a former pastor and one who consults with pastors regularly I would suggest that there are a number of things that bring major discouragement to your pastor. 

1. Bringing a major issue up on Sunday after your pastor has preached. Most non-preachers don't understand how much energy goes into a Sunday message. Unless there is an emergency, Sunday is the wrong day to dump issues on your pastor. So is Monday when  he is recovering from Sunday. For most of us weekends are just regular days. Not so for your pastor.

2. Professional critics. Now I am a firm believer that we ought to be able to talk about any issue but I am most likely to listen carefully to who I know have my best interests in mind. There are people who believe that their spiritual gift is to criticize others, especially pastors. While your pastor may choose to respond graciously it does not mean that he is not hurt deeply by a constant barrage of criticism. 

3. Anonymous letters. I have a rule. If a letter is anonymous I will not read it. If someone does not have the guts to reveal who they are why should I listen to their counsel (actually it is rarely counsel but critical feedback).

4. Passive aggressive individuals. These are those who say one thing to one's face and then do the opposite behind one's back. As I have said previously, this is not only a form of dishonesty but it requires a lot of time and energy when that behavior causes conflict in relationships and in the church. 

5. Passing on information from anonymous sources and refusing to reveal where the information comes from. Comments like "Many people feel this way" without naming who feels that way leaves a pastor in an impossible position. I for one, will not have a conversation with anyone who comes with this kind of information if they are not willing to reveal the source. I cannot evaluate the information without knowing the source and some sources I will discount immediately because they are professional critics.

6. Power brokers. These are people who use power to get their way rather than through the normal channels of leadership. They try to win by intimidation or threats. As a leader I ask them to please  share their issues with my leadership group which immediately causes them to back off. They don't like accountability but want to force their way behind the scenes.

7. Legalists. These are professional pharisees who believe that everyone should see life and Christian practices (most of them are not Christian practices) their way. There is much in the Christian life that is grey and where we are to follow our conscience. Legalists want people to live in their bondage (see Galatians) rather than in the freedom of Jesus.

8. Sharing issues about you with others rather than with you personally. I invite any who have issues with me to talk to me. It is gossip, passive aggressive behavior, destructive and cowardly to talk to others about a leader when they have not talked to the leader themselves. It also is unbiblical (see Matthew 18).

9. Staff who go around them to complain to board members. This is not only bad governance but it hurts the ability of a leader to lead. Furthermore, the board member gets only one side of the story. If a staff member feels that there is a moral issue at stake he or she should ask for a meeting with the pastor and the church chair so there can be a real conversation without violating the chain of supervision.

10. Those who want their church to look like the church they left. Here is an irony. Many people leave a church unhappy but their version of church is the one they left. Every church is unique. Your present church will never be your former church, for better or for worse. Suggestions are great when make in the right spirit. Your pastor does not pastor your former church but your current church.

11. Church leaders who don't keep confidences. What is said in a board room belongs there and no where else. Those who violate board procedures and agreements kill trust for the rest of the board.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Simple but profound faith

Father, I thank you for the gift of grace that has forgiven my sin and started to remake my heart into one that looks like Yours.

Thank you for providing for my needs today. Help me not to worry about tomorrow.

You have invited me to join you in Your work. Empower me to be faithful in serving you today - as you have gifted and called me. Allow me to show Your love to at least one person today.

Whatever you bring to me today I accept as a gift from Your hand. Give me the grace needed to deal with each situation I face.

Grant me the empowerment of Your Spirit, favor with people and the wisdom needed to negotiate my day.

Amen


All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Unhealthy avoidance techniques

There is a common methodology for avoiding accountability for our shadow side and that is to become a professional critic of others. All of us have encountered these folks at one time or another – or done the same thing ourselves. They are quick to criticize and distrust, are always questioning motives of others (without doing their homework to validate their distrust), love to become enmeshed with others who are also critics (nothing like another critic to verify our version of reality), love to take on the offenses of others (even when they don’t have the facts and it does not pertain to them) and live in a circle of other unhealthy, distrustful, critical individuals. And yes, there are plenty of these in the church and Christian organizations. They will twist motives, conversations or actions to match their view of reality.


What is really going on behind this behavior is often the justification of their own behavior so that in the critical assessment of others they do not need to do critical assessment of their own shadow side. It is frankly a convenient way to ignore personal issues by focusing on the issues of others. Because everyone has a shadow side, it is not hard to pick it out in others and professional critics will quickly tell other their faults but are unaware or unwilling to deal with their own shadow side. Often the glue that holds their friendships together is not a common mission but a common enemy – someone out there that they can focus their unhappiness, anger or personal unresolved issues on – and it is often a leader because they are visible.

Not only are these unhealthy individuals but they form pockets of unhealthy individuals since they find others who will validate their view of reality and can deeply hurt organizations through their closed circle of opinions and criticisms.

All of us have strengths and all of us have liabilities that come with those strengths. There are many ways of coping with our own shadow side. One is to face it and seek to deal with it – and it is a life-long practice. The other is to do what many do and mask it, ignore it, spiritualize it or focus on the shadow side of others rather than their own. People of deep influence never mask or ignore. They realize that they are people who have a lower nature and that the process of spiritual transformation is that of exegeting ourselves so that we bring all of our lives under the Lordship of Christ, especially the shadow side which represents more than anything else the residual of that lower nature.

Often, we resist pressing into our shadow side because we are ashamed that we even struggle with one. This is a misunderstanding of God’s work in our lives. Every one of us is a work in progress, every one of us lives with the liabilities of being human and therefore imperfect and limited in our understanding of ourselves and those around us. Paul understood this when he said in Philippians 3:16, “Let us live up to what we have already attained.” God does not expect perfection, simply obedience to where he has brought us at this point in our lives.

Furthermore, humble individuals are transparent about their strengths and weakness, their areas of struggle and their liabilities. Those who pretend they have it all together fool themselves but not those around them. Our influence is not gained by pretending to be something we are not but by transparency in our walk with God and the issues we face in our lives. People of deep influence don’t hide who they are or the struggles they have. In fact, it is precisely because they are honest about their own struggles that we can identify with them and it is their commitment to live with authenticity that draws us to them.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The unique fingerprint of your church

God's creativity is amazing. With 7 billion people on our planet, no two fingerprints are alike. No two people are alike.

And, no two congregations are alike. But too often we try to make "our ministry" look like "another ministry," because we like the "success" of that ministry. The problem is that you cannot clone congregations. And when one tries, we lose the uniqueness that God built into that particular congregation. Leaders who try to emulate someone else's ministry not only are chasing an impossible dream but they are denying the uniqueness that God intentionally built into their church.

Plastic surgeons get patients all the time who want to change something so that they can look like some celebrity who is rated as the picture of what a beautiful person should look like. They are chasing a dream that is not real. And, usually not necessary.

Church leaders do it as well - by trying to become something they are not. Just as people chase a dream with plastic surgery - when they use it to emulate someone else - so church leaders can be caught in the same trap.

Success for every congregation is living out the Great Commandment and serving the Great Commission. It is not found in the particular program, music style or the number of people we can gather on a particular weekend.

The fingerprint of a congregation is a unique blend of its ministry philosophy, history, geography and neighborhood, the gifting of its people, its vision, and the gifting of its leaders. And, because of its unique fingerprint, God will use it in unique ways. In fact, it is in a diversity of ministries that the church will be most effective and reach the broadest swath of people.

If we can celebrate diversity of ethnicities and the uniqueness of each individual, why cannot we celebrate the diversity of congregations: large, small, in-between, house church, cell church, ethnic, traditional, non-traditional, seeker driven, seeker sensitive, inner city, suburban, rural, high church, low church, or just church!

We ought to be all that God made us to be and maximize our unique potential and commit to health, honoring Christ, becoming like Christ, living out the Great Commandment and committed to the Great Commission. And celebrate the unique opportunity that God has given us as a congregation.

God would be delighted if:

We could learn from one another but not try to be one another.

We would celebrate one another's ministry and not covet the unique mandate of another church.

In our success we would not assume that other ministries should look like us - leadership hubris.

We would gladly cooperate with one another and not be threatened by one another.

We humbly claimed our place in ministry and maximized our opportunity as a congregation.

He would be delighted because he has given every congregation a unique fingerprint. Celebrate it. Maximize its uniqueness. Don't try to be someone God did not make you to be.

I am privileged to work with many different kinds of churches. I am always amazed at the creativity and passion of healthy leaders and the unique ways they are making a difference for Christ. I learn something new with every church I consult with. It is in our uniqueness that we are effective, learn new ways of reaching people, innovate and reach those God has called us to reach.

Making Ripples

Changed lives is the coin of God’s Kingdom and influence with people is the key to seeing lives changed. It is the stuff that legacy is made of especially because influence creates ripples and ripples continue to create even more ripples – it is the nature of influence.

Drop a pebble in a pond and what happens? There is not just one splash but the splash creates ripples that reverberate across the surface in ever widening circles. Drop a bunch of pebbles in a pond and the various ripples hit one another and create small waves that start moving the whole surface. It is the nature of influence.

The most important work we do for Christ is that of rippling on others for Him. Christ rippled on his disciples, they rippled on the new believers in Jerusalem, who in turn rippled on the whole world as they were forced out of town by persecution and ended up on the highways and byways of the Roman Empire. It was one ripple at a time that changed the course of civilization forever.

If Barnabas had not come alongside Paul when the other Apostles were frightened of him, his ministry would not have gotten off to the start it did (Acts 9:26-31). It is not an accident that his name means “son of encouragement.”

The very reason God gave spiritual gifts to every Christ Follower is to allow them to ripple on others. Whether it is teaching, healing, faith/prayer, administration, leadership, care, giving or a whole host of other ways we have been gifted, these are gifts given so that we can influence others in the church and the world for him. One splash, many ripples!

My mother in law was a simple woman. Originally from Sweden, she came over by ship and got so sea-sick that she swore she would never go back. She met her future husband in English class in St. Paul. He was an immigrant from Ukraine, having lived through the Second World War, having served in the Russian, German and American armies (it is a long amazing story. Neither of them learned English too well and for the first five years I dated Mary Ann, I just said yes to every question they asked – not being able to understand very well.

Not only was Gunberg a simple woman, she was a quiet woman. She served as a nurses aid throughout the years at Miller and then United Hospital. She spent hundreds of hours with her four grandchildren, two of them ours.

What amazed many was how many came to her memorial service when she died from complications of a car accident. Never had she served on a committee in the church or had any visible ministry. But we heard story after story of people she had demonstrated small acts of kindness too, making meals, visiting, sewing clothes, giving money, helping neighbors and the list went on. The number of peoples this simple woman had rippled on was amazing, like Dorcas in the New Testament.

She was not a theologian, she had little wealth, she had a low level job, she was a first generation immigrant and she touched an amazing number of people – no doubt part of the reason that my wife and sons also have a heart for the underdog.

The heart of our ministry is people

It is people that God created for eternal purposes. It is people that He died on the cross for so that our sins could be forgiven. It is people that God loves with an indistinguishable love. While the world pursues things and bank accounts and properties and fame, God and His people pursue people. Stuff will not outlast our world but every human being has an eternal destiny – either with God or without him.

Most of you, like me, are just “ordinary workers” to quote my son. We are not people of great resources or wealth. We have average jobs and income. We are not famous or well known. But all of us have the one thing that we need to make ripples for Christ – we are surrounded by the very people He wants us to influence.

Two critical skills

Our world is desperate for love. In order to ripple like Jesus wants us to we need to develop two skills that Jesus had. The first skill is to see people as Jesus saw them. Hundreds of people would trail after Jesus and the disciples and in their exhaustion would often see those people as “irritants. Jesus on the other hand, saw them as “sheep without a shepherd, looking for love and answers.

When Mary Ann first came to the High School as the student nurse she would see kids like the disciples did, “bad kids,” “troubled kids,” with a bit of judgement. God changed her as she got to know the bad and troubled kids and now sees them as hurting kids with a lot of pain. That is the difference perspective we need to develop if we are going to ripple on those around us.

The second skill we need to learn is to love people like Jesus loved them. He met their needs, He expressed compassion, He came with an attitude of grace rather than judgment, He befriended the sinner, the prostitute, the leper, the outcast. His ministry was actually more on skid row than on easy street. The reason that bad or poor or marginalized people responded to him was that he offered love rather than judgment, grace rather than condemnation and hope rather than life as it was.

We were created to ripple on those around us. Our neighbors, the guys and gals at the homeless shelter, our colleagues at work, our friends and fellow sojourners at church. Think of the power of all God’s people rippling on those who they come across!

Ripple in your sphere of influence

Each of us has a unique sphere of influence. One of my friends, because of his profession runs in economic and political circles I will never be a part of. God has uniquely placed him there to ripple on people most of the rest of us cannot influence.

My sphere of influence is largely within the church community around the world. My responsibility is to have as much influence for Christ in those circles that I possibly can – using the gifts God has given me.

My wife, Mary Ann has had the opportunity in years past to ripple in a middle class school of 2,000+ where no soap opera or TV show could match what happens in real life. This is a group that the church by in large is not reaching and frankly would be shocked if they knew the challenges our next generation faces. She created huge ripples with her gifts of grace, mercy, honesty and loving care.

When you think about it, God has placed each of us in a sphere of influence that is unique to us and the opportunity we have is an opportunity others don’t have. It may be your neighborhood, place of employment, economic circle or any number of unique circumstances. When we all are intentional about rippling in our sphere of influence – that is when the church has influence.When all we do is ripple on fellow believers in the church, the church has little influence outside its own walls.

How leaders often shut down discussion, stifle dialogue and create stagnant cultures

Have you ever been in a staff meeting at some time in your career where you knew it was unsafe to say what you really felt? Or, where everyone knew that nothing would be said that would be considered contrary to what the leader thought? Where many positive things would be said about the ministry but no one would name the many elephants? 

Whenever I see a culture like this I know that there is a leader who has shut down discussion and stifled dialogue enough times that people will not say what really think, and everyone but the leader seems to know that.

How do leaders shut down discussion, stifle dialogue and create stagnant cultures? One of the easiest ways is simply to make  dismissive statements when suggestions are made: "that won't work," "I don't like it," "We don't do that kind of thing here, "We've never done that." Sometimes it is just body language that says something like "You have to be kidding."

Whether the idea or suggestion is a good one or not these kinds of statements from leaders send a strong message that one is better off just keeping their mouth shut. Not only are such statements pathetic in their lack of EQ but they are designed to end conversation that the leader does not want to have.

Often, leaders who display such behaviors are really saying that if the idea is not theirs it is not going to fly. In other words they are simply not willing to consider anything that does not fit their paradigms which staff quickly pick up on and choose to simply stay quiet. 

Those who continue to speak up and press into things that the senior leader does not want to hear or do quickly find that they are marginalized and sometimes even forced to move on. That sends a very powerful message the conformance and silence are the keys to survival.

Another way that leaders can do this is simply to ignore proposals that are made. In one such case I am aware of, the leader will tell subordinates that he will "think about it" or "study the proposal" and never bring it up again. It dies by deliberate neglect.

All of this creates a culture of stagnation because ideas, suggestions and different paradigms are not welcome at the leadership table. Staff must operate within a narrow band of what is acceptable and cannot be themselves in using their best thinking and creativity. It is a deeply frustrating place to be for anyone who is even a moderately healthy individual.

It also creates a culture of elephants - issues that everyone know are there but which cannot be safely addressed or even identified. What makes this so absurd and crazy is that the issues are not secret but they have to be treated as secrets, or as non-issues. As the number of issues grow that cannot be discussed, so does the dysfunction in the organization. When things do erupt out of frustration, the eruption is often unhealthy because healthy dialogue was shut down long ago. 

Unfortunately there are many examples of leaders who shut down discussion, stifle dialogue and create stagnant cultures. It is a sign of personal leadership dishealth, insecurity, dysfunction and it hurts the staff, organization and even the ability of the leader to lead well. I have vowed that I will never again work for such a leader. 

How the past can become a threat to your future

Every leader and organization faces the dilemma. How they did things in the past successfully got them to where they are today but will often not get them to where they need to go tomorrow. Yet the past is what they know and have experienced while the future is not known and has not been experienced. Good leaders thus live in a dynamic tension between the past and the future - knowing that their knowledge of the past is often a detriment to moving into the future.

I have seen this tension about what is known (the ways of the past) and what is unknown (the ways of the future) literally paralyze leaders from taking the necessary steps to lead their organization into the future. After all, the unknown requires measured risk while the known requires no risk at all (except, ironically, the very survival of the ministry). 

Healthy leaders understand this tension and also know that while we can and should learn from both our failures and successes in the past, we must always be moving the organization we lead toward the future with all of its unknowns. This requires courage because we know what the road behind us was but we don't know what the road in front of us is. Our GPS can take us to what is but not to what will be.

Therein lies the dilemma. When I drive home from work each night I do it by habit and without any thinking about where I need to go. It is familiar, comfortable and second nature. Not so the future which requires a lot of thinking, evaluating, looking at trends, emerging opportunities, and evaluation of what is currently being done. 

Churches get caught in this dilemma all the time, doing what they always did and then wondering why attendance and giving are down. Often they are simply not responding any longer to the needs of a new day. One church I know is known for its exceptional biblical exposition and preaching which is always excellent (and which I deeply believe in). But, there is no application of the Biblical truth to every day living. The pastor is living in the past when there was a general knowledge of the Bible and truth whereas today there is not and without helping people make application to their lives they are no longer meeting the needs of a different day. It should be no surprise that both the attendance and giving are down.

Leadership is about leading people somewhere and much of that has to do with leading into the unknowns of the future. That means deep thinking, careful exegesis of our context and being willing to risk new strategies and ways of thinking to respond to the needs of a new day. It is all about not allowing the past to become a threat to the future.

a messy world and messy leaders

We often think of our Biblical heroes as people who were born that way. Just the opposite is true. We have always lived in a messy world and our Biblical heroes were no exception.

Take Moses, for example. We know him as the guy who rescued God's  people from slavery, as a deeply humble guy and one who talked to God face to face. I can't compete with that. But what we forget is that he too had a messy background and it took God 80 years to prepare him for his life assignment.

Everyone has issues and so did Moses. Consider this. While he grew up in wealth, splendor and privilege as a member of the Pharaoh's household he knew who he was: an Israelite who should have been a slave rather than royalty. Talk about identity issues!

Those issues came to a head when at 40, Moses took justice into his own hands, killed an Egyptian who was mistreating an Israelite and was forced to run for his life, ending up as a shepherd in another land. In one day he went from privilege and wealth to working as a shepherd with nothing to his name. In addition he now was a felon and a wanted man. Obviously he had an anger management problem.

I would guess that for the forty years he worked as a shepherd (he didn't even have his own flock but looked after the flock of his father in law) he felt like he was a has been. He had blown his chance, God would never use him for anything and he was consigned to a forgotten existence and a wasted life. 

If you doubt that, think of Moses' conversation with God at the burning bush. Finally God was calling him to something and Moses kept pushing back. Why? He felt unqualified, lacked the confidence to say yes, and gave all manner of excuses with a final comment, "O Lord, please send someone else." Of course, God never calls us to do anything that we can do by ourselves but only in His power but it took quite a while for God to convince Moses of that.

Of course God had different ideas. God is never in a hurry and he is always up to something. During those year from 40 to 80, while Moses felt he was stuck on a shelf, God was developing a relationship with Moses that would sustain him through the next 40 years in the wilderness leading a people tough to lead.

Four lessons emerge from Moses past. First, God can redeem any past for His divine purposes. Even our pasts! Second, while we may think we have been put on a shelf, God is always up to something, preparing us for what He has for us. Third, God never calls us to do anything we can do by ourselves. Why should He? His work is a divine work that requires divine power. Fourth, God uses regular people to do His divine work in the power of His Holy Spirit. 

Moses had a past with a lot of issues, just like we do. Yet he used Moses just as He desires to use us. 

Success, resentment and criticism

It is an interesting phenomenon but it reveals something about our own hearts. The greater one's success in ministry the more criticism they receive and the more cynicism about their ministry. This criticism and cynicism says nothing about the one they are directed against. It says a lot about those who display the attitude.

I have had many conversations with pastors about large churches in their area. It seems as if there is a rule that we need to find something negative about them because they are large and influential. Sure there are times when we ought to have concerns (health and wealth teaching, legalism or teaching that is not Biblical). That I understand. But often, the real issue is our resentment at their success and a need to lower their standing in order to increase ours.

Here is an interesting question. Is it even necessary to speak negatively of other ministries? Usually not...and if we do what is our true motivation? Even Paul had strong detractors - those who didn't like his influence. If Paul did, it is inevitable that others will too. 

No leaders are perfect and none above criticism for some issues. But neither are we. They simply have more attention focused on them because they happen to lead a large ministry. In most cases they did not ask for the attention and may even resent it but it is what it is. Why should we follow the crowd in throwing stones? It was Paul's advice to use words that build up rather than tear down.

The bottom line is that our tendency to criticize those who are successful is most often a reflection of our hearts, our issues, our resentments and our desires rather than the success of others. If we are going to criticize we need first to look inside and ask what in our hearts creates that need.

Gains and losses in leadership

In leadership, no matter the level, most gains come with an unexpected cost - that of loss.

I spoke recently with a senior leader who is struggling with the sense of loss as he relinquishes responsibilities to others so that he can do what he is called to do - be the architect of the ministry. His dilemma is this: unless he relinquishes things he used to do he cannot take the ministry to the next level. But in that relinquishment there is a real sense of loss over things he loves to do and used to do.

There is another factor involved. The activity given up in order to fly at a higher altitude is also activity that gives a sense that one is contributing something significant to the organization. Often, one must give up activity in order to think, envision, coach others and work on taking the organization to the next level of productivity.

In doing less, many senior leaders wonder if they are really contributing something significant anymore. Often internal pressure toward activity causes them to spend time on things that need to be relinquished to others rather than doing it themselves.

One need not be a senior leader to struggle with a sense of loss. Anytime an individual producer takes on a staff member, they must relinquish what was once their activity. When they do not relinquish responsibility they disempower (see prior post). There is always loss with gain. Healthy individuals recognize the loss and are conscious of the internal pressure to keep what needs to be relinquished.

If there is loss in relinquishment, why relinquish what we know we can do and do it well? We do so in order to focus on issues that allow us to grow the ministry. Our desire for missional fulfillment is higher than our desire to keep what we used to do. We take the loss for ministry gain. That is why the senior leader above is struggling through a difficult transition. He is committed to taking his ministry to the next level and in order to do so he needs to relinquish many things he used to do and focus on those things that only he can do as the senior leader of the organization. Mission trumps his discomfort at the loss in the process.

Relational breakdowns

It happens way to often in the Christian world. There is relational breakdown between believers that is not addressed.

It may be an offence committed by one party that they are not even aware of but it is held against them by another. It may be disagreements over strategy or philosophy that causes one to marginalize the other. In many cases it actually has no root in reality but one party makes assumptions about the other party and never bothers to clarify whether those assumptions are indeed correct.

No matter the cause, such relational breakdown has an impact that goes beyond the two who don't understand each other. Because of one or both parties mistrust, others around them are infected by the mistrust because it is very hard to hide one's attitude toward another. That means that relational breakdown impacts the ministry that we are a part of. It is not a victimless sin.

The Apostle Paul encourages us to live at peace with one another as much as it is possible. In other words, when we become aware of relational breakdown it is our responsibility to try to address it whether we were the cause or not.

Our unwillingness to try to bring peace is harmful to the work of God and may in fact be sinful on our part. To hold grudges or live with relational breakdown and not have tried to bridge the gap is one of the common but unfortunate tendencies of our lower nature. We have all been guilty at one time or another. Part of spiritual maturity is learning to proactively try to bridge the gap when we become aware of one.

The most obvious step to bridging relational gaps is to start with a conversation. Many assumptions we make about others are wrong. A pastor may assume motives about a board member who challenges him or a team member about another team member.

My experience is that my assumptions about poor motives have almost always been wrong! Because I assumed poor motives I then caused a wall to go up in my own mind about the other. In such cases, it is our fault for the relational disconnect. The other party may in fact be clueless that there is even an issue.

Often, if we are willing to probe and try to understand the other's heart we find out that not only are there not poor motives but we actually want the same thing - but have been misunderstanding one another. Asking questions while not assuming motives or being judgemental can at least get the issues on the table. Unless they are on the table there is no means of dealing with them.
Where the issues are thorny it may be necessary to have a series of conversations or to bring a neutral party into the discussion to seek understanding.

Not all relational disconnects can be resolved because it takes two to want resolution. Most can, if one of the parties will press into the disconnect, acknowledge that it is there and seek to bridge the gap. Even if they know that they were not the cause, a mature individual will seek to resolve it and will not ignore it.

Taking the step of resolution is not always easy. But relational breakdowns are dangerous to a church or ministry organization. That danger ought to outweigh our fear of confronting it. Often we will find that the other party is relieved to solve it.

Overcoming defensive attitudes

Defensiveness among leaders can have a devastating impact on our ability to lead. Defensive leaders end up hurting themselves because their defensiveness prevents people from telling them the truth and if you don’t know the truth about what others think it is very difficult to lead. I would rather know facts I don’t like than not know them at all.

The root of defensiveness is personal insecurity. The logic goes something like this: “If I am wrong, then I am not a good leader so I cannot be wrong. If I cannot afford to be wrong I will push back on those who think another path is a better one.”

Ironically, in adopting a defensive posture, leaders actually lose credibility with others even though they feel they have preserved it by defending their position. Defensive leaders live with the allusion that they know what people think when in reality their defensiveness leaves them clueless and deeply vulnerable as a result.

When leaders are defensive those they lead talk about them to one another rather to them. It may not be healthy but they have trained their team not to address certain issues. Team members are smart enough to know what opinions they are allowed to share and where they need to keep silent.

The cost of defensiveness is not only that of not knowing what others think but a great loss of intellectual capital. It is in multiple counselors and robust dialogue that we come to the best strategy. In addition, it is in the process of that dialogue that we come to a shared ownership of the strategy. But this requires the ability to engage in honest and forthright dialogue. To the extent that a leader is insecure and defensive, that dialogue will not take place. As Lencioni points out in The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, dialogue builds trust while the lack of it generates mistrust.

Over the years I have adopted a principle that I seek to live by: Nothing to prove, nothing to lose. I only need to be right if I have something to prove. If I have nothing to prove I no longer need to be right. Further, I only have something to lose if I’m trying to prove something. If I have nothing to prove, then by definition I have nothing to lose. If leaders understood and lived this principle they would not live with the huge amount of anxiety they live with – anxiety caused by the need to be right – and therefore be a “great leader.”

With an attitude of nothing to prove, nothing to lose, I remind myself when others push back or even attack (it does happen to all leaders) that it is OK. I no longer need to be right, nor do I fear being proved wrong (all of us are at times). I can just be me with great openness to the opinions of others. I do not need to agree with others but I don’t need be defensive with others. In fact, it is through a non defensive attitude that I get the very best thoughts from those on my team and in the organization I lead. It is only through a non defensive attitude that we get the very best intellectual capital and best tackle the problems and opportunities we face.

How much can you bite off?

Visionary leaders love to get stuff done. A lot of it. And it you look at vision plans they often look way too big. It looks great but it is not realistic. It might be realistic over a period of years but not in any single year.

Here is a general rule of thumb. No individual or organization can pay attention to more than three to five truly strategic things at any one time. In fact, the fewer "big rocks" you tackle at a time the better off you are - in terms of doing those big rocks well.

Leaders, teams and organizations that choose a few initiatives at a time and do them well get far more done over time than those who in their optimism bite off a whole bunch of initiatives but are left with not being able to pull them off well - if at all. In the end, "less is more."

What matters the most is having clarity around mission, guiding principles, central ministry focus and the culture you are creating and then running a few key initiatives each year to move you closer to those goals. A consistent direction over time combined with a few well chosen ministry initiatives that move you closer to your end goal is a very powerful combination.

These are the kinds of organizations described by Jim Collins in his two books, Good to Great and Built to Last. Classics if you have not read them! And, in my book, Leading From the Sandbox.

Organization wide, our mission with 550 staff members does not drive more than two to three key initiatives each year. I would rather do one or two and drive them through the fabric of ReachGlobal than to try more than that and not have them as part of our DNA. Seen over a period of ten years, those carefully chosen initiatives will produce very powerful results.

That philosophy requires three things from leaders. One, being clear on where we are going long term. Two, choosing the right initiatives to focus on in any one year. And three, great patience (the hard part), knowing that the process will bring huge change and ministry results - intentionally - but over time.

If you eat too much food at a meal you get a stomach ache. If ministries bite off too much they are ineffective - exchanging long term health for unrealized short term gain.

So:
Are you clear on where your ministry is going long term?
Are you choosing with great care the initiatives you are running?
Can you be patient for strong long term results?

Leadership and risk

When was the last time your organization did something that was truly risky for the sake of seeing accelerated ministry results?

Here is a principle to consider: The greater the risk taken, the greater the potential ministry return. Because most ministries are risk adverse and would rather tweak endlessly they give up far greater returns that could have been had.

What keeps us from taking risks - making radical changes that can bring accelerated ministry results?

There is the comfort of the status quo! Most of us gravitate toward the comfortable rather than the unknown, risky or uncomfortable. However, that tendency is exactly why many congregations, for example see little or marginal ministry progress from year to year. The status quo is actually the enemy of progress.

There is the lack of ministry evaluation and the time to ask critical questions! Perceptive leaders never assume that the way we do things today is the best way to do them. Rather they ask questions like, "Are their alternative ways of doing what we do that would accelerate our results?" But that takes time to think, evaluate, dream and consider alternatives. I am convinced, for example, that much of our western missions paradigms are woefully inadequate because assumptions are not being questioned and new opportunities are not being exploited.

There is inadequate commitment to mission! Ministries that are truly passionate about the mission God has called them to will naturally take risks because their passion for God's call outweighs their comfort with the status quo. Frankly, I think many ministries exist with little or no real passion for the mission that they claim to have. And staff are comfortable with their roles more than driven by the mission. Too often we live with comfortable ministry rather than passionate ministry. Find a ministry that is truly passionate about what God has called them to do and you will find a ministry that regularly takes risks.

Often ministries are unclear about what they are really about except in general terms! Lack of clarity prevents organizations to take risk, try radical new approaches or be entrepreneurial because there there is no compelling reason to do so. It is very hard to be passionate about an unclear or uncompelling mission, or to take risks for a diffused vision. The greater the clarity of what the ministry is about, the greater the tendency to take risks to accomplish that clear, compelling vision.

If your church, mission, team or ministry is risk adverse take a look at the issues above and ask if they apply to you? If they do, are you comfortable living in your comfort? Or are their issues you need to address in order to take more territory for Christ?

Resisting diversions in our lives and ministries

Diversions. Distractions. Deviations. Detours. All of these are temptations to boards, leaders, teams and individuals. It is the temptation to divert our attention from the main thing to ancillary and less important things. It is easy to be distracted from what is most important. It takes great discipline to focus on the main things God has called us to and keep our focus there.

Take the local church. The Main Thing is introducing people to Christ and helping them grow into spiritual maturity - the front and back side of the great commission. It is more believers and better believers.

If you are on a church board or staff, make a mental guess as to how much time in your board meetings are focused on accomplishing the Main Thing and how much time on other things? Or in staff meetings? Or in your particular ministry. It is easy to stay wrapped up in budgets, staffing and programming, all important but to the detriment of the Main Thing? Which is why many congregations keep many people busy with very little spiritual results.

My experience in working with church boards is that unless there is significant resolve on the part of board leadership, the board will gravitate toward all kinds of time churning issues that have little or nothing to do with the Main Thing.

I think about my own life. God has given me four Main Things for me. It takes huge discipline to stay focused on the Main Things and minimize distractions from other nice but non Main Things - for me. Scattered attention is easy, focused living is hard.

In his letters to Timothy, Paul repeatedly encouraged Timothy not to be distracted or to waste his time on ancillary issues, fruitless debates or even people who were prone to spend their time in empty discussions. He urged Timothy to focus on the Main Thing for him - preaching and teaching the word and ensuring that his life was lived with faithfulness and integrity.

Every day, people, circumstances and the very organizations we serve can distract us from the Main Thing. Our challenge is to keep steering our lives, our teams, our boards and our organizations back toward the Main Thing so that the Main Thing is not distracted by ancillary things.

Can you define the Main Things for your life? Those key things God has called you to? Can you do the same for your church or your current ministry? If you can, how are you doing? If you cannot, are you willing to take the time to ask and answer the question?

The Main Thing is to keep the Main Thing the Main Thing. And that is the hardest thing!

Advice for young leaders

I love the energy, passion and creativity of young leaders. Helping young leaders grow and flourish is one of the most important things more mature believers can do. I want to leave a leadership bench behind me that is better than the one with me. That is success for current leaders.

As we work with young leaders there are some foundational leadership principles that we can help them understand. These go to their leadership EQ which is critical to their success.

Humility. Leaders are simply using gifts that God has given. They are given in trust to use on his behalf. Leaders are not more important than others, they simply have a different role than others and are called to be faithful to the role God has given. Leadership is not about us but about our faithfulness to the one who gave us the gifting to lead, the care of those entrusted to our leadership and the God given mission we have.

Self awareness. Understanding how we are wired, how we are perceived by others, what are strengths and weaknesses are is critical to good leadership. The more we can help young leaders become exegetes of themselves the better leaders they will be. This includes knowing where our sweet spot is and playing to our strengths as much as possible.

Dark sides. Every leader has a shadow side. Those who do not understand their shadow side and where they are vulnerable may easily become victims of their own sin or dysfunction. We ought to help young leaders understand their shadow side and encourage them to spend as much time dealing with the shadow side as they do their strengths. Those who don't deal with their vulnerabilities end up hurting themselves and others.

Honoring others. Great leaders honor other people and help them become all that they can be. Remember it is not about me but about us. My success is directly connected to the success that I help others achieve. Leaders are developers of others. They value healthy relationships, honest feedback and giving the praise to the team rather than taking the spotlight for themselves

Approachability. Young leaders need to learn how to separate their personal pride from their work. Feedback on their work is not an attack on their person, although many people see it that way. Developing a "nothing to prove, nothing to lose" is critical to healthy leadership. Unapproachable leaders cannot be healthy leaders. Remember, it is not about me, but about us and the mission God has given us.

Teachable. Leaders who are teachable grow and develop. Those who are not often run the risk of ending up as narcissists, concerned only about themselves and resistant to honest and needed feedback. This goes to humility and approachability. The most brilliant leaders who are not teachable or approachable will end up hurting others and the organization they lead.

Hearts toward God. In ministry, nothing matters more than having a heart that wants to please the One on whose behalf we exercise leadership. Maintaining hearts that are tender toward God, want to follow Him and hear from Him, please him and know Him is the most important leadership requirement of all.

If you are a young leader you may want to ask those around you how you are doing in these seven areas. If you are a mentor of young leaders, consider talking to those you mentor about the importance of these issues. They will make all the difference as to their future success.

And I need to remember as a mentor of others that these qualities are as much caught as they are taught. So, how I lead and live will impact how they lead and live.

Taking up the offenses of others

It is an all too common scenario. Someone commits an offense against a friend of ours, we hear about it and we take up the offense as well - harboring ill will toward the one who hurt our friend, and even on occasion speaking ill of them to others.

Taking up the offense of others is a sign of poor emotional intelligence and is a destructive practice. In getting sucked into this practice we often cause relational breakdown with the one who we believe hurt our friend, are guilty of hurting their reputation through gossip, and in a ministry setting, hurt the cause of Christ - without any first hand knowledge of the facts of the matter.

Let me give a first hand example. Years ago, a colleague who worked in the same organization as I decided that I was a "bad" person (I think the actual description on their part could have been stronger than that). They shared their opinion of me with others, most of whom were healthy enough to figure out there was another side to the story. But a few, without any firsthand knowledge took up their opinion and felt free to harbor both animus against me as well as share that animus with others.

Interestingly, those who took up the crusade had no first hand knowledge or interaction that would back up the "charges" and "opinions." Yet they took on an offense and have lived with that offense for years.

The sad thing is that there is no way I can develop a healthy relationship with those individuals or colloborate with them for the cause of the gospel. Their decision to take on the offense of others has built a wall between us that I cannot remove (and did not build). In fact, they have never talked to me personally about their animus toward me but have felt free to talk to others.
It is not about my reputation, that is in the hands of God. It is about healthy relationships, healthy emotional intelligence and the impact those have on Kingdom work.

It happens to many of us but it is a highly unproductive and unhealthy practice. Each of us is responsible for our relationships with others, for keeping short accounts, and for treating others with dignity. If I violate those principles I need to make it right.

But, I am not responsible for the relationships of other people and if there is relational disconnect between others, I can encourage them to make it right, offer to help make it right but what I should not do is take on their offense. It is their issue, not mine. In fact, to believe as "fact" negative information about another without any first hand knowledge is sin: It is not "thinking the best of others," and when we share our negative opinions in the absence of first hand knowledge it is nothing more than gossip.

I wonder how much relational destruction has been done in the Kingdom by people taking up the offenses of others - and in many cases assuming facts and spreading information that has no real basis in fact. It is simply second hand information that may or may not be true

When tempted to take on the offense of others ask yourself:

• Do I have first hand information that the information is true?
• Have I tried to help solve the relational disconnect?
• Have I inquired of the one under indictment whether my understanding is a correct one?
• Is the issue one that is any of my business?
• Do I want to take the chance that by taking on the offense I may be guilty of attitudes and words that are untrue, hurt others and ultimately hurt the work of God?
• Might there be another side to what I have heard?

We have enough challenges in our own relationships to take on the issues of others - which are not our issues.

Insecure leaders

Insecure leaders harm relationships which has a ripple affect down through the ministry. Thus the question becomes, can we increase our EQ (Emotional Intelligence) so that we grow and maintain healthy relationships and don't cause the relational chaos that so often occurs with insecure leaders.

Most people can grow in this area but it can take practice. Here are some suggestions.

Practice an open attitude toward those who criticize or suggest alternate options. You may not feel like having an open attitude but this can be learned. The key to being perceived as open (even if you don't feel like it) is to not react defensively or verbally to those who may disagree but rather to default to questions like, "help me understand," or "unpack that for me." What we are doing is communicating that we are open to dialogue rather than simply being closed.

Dialogue with those who would take an alternate route is one of the most important practices of anyone who has healthy EQ. Closed people tell, declare or clam up while open people dialogue, ask clarifying questions and keep the conversation going.

Dialogue should be combined with the practice of "thinking grey." When thinking grey we are open to options, opinions, opportunities and have not made up our minds. Insecure leaders don't think grey, they need their way or need to be seen to have an answer. Secure leaders are open to all input before they make up their minds.

Thinking grey allows one to learn the art of compromise. Here is the deal. None of us are all wise or right all the time. There is a reason that when God designed church leadership He designed it as a team of overseers or elders. Compromise is not a negative word. We don't compromise on moral issues but we learn to be flexible on other issues. Healthy leaders are flexible, they listen and they don't die on hills that they don't need to die on.

Flexibility is really about humility. Pride says, I must have my way. Humility says, it is not about me but about us. The longer I lead the more I realize that there is a whole lot I don't know and humility means that I am willing to bring others into decisions I make - especially those who might not agree with me. It is easy to be "humble" with those who agree with us - not so easy with those who look at ministry differently.

One can see how these practices build relationship where the alternative destroys relationships. Good practices in relationships build while poor practices destroy. How are you doing?

Creating intentional waves

Organizations, teams and groups crave equilibrium - predictability. Especially in Christian contexts there is also an aversion to strong disagreement or "conflict." The phrase "don't rock the boat" reflects most people's aversion to surprises or major change. We are more comfortable on calm seas then in the waves.

In fact, so comfortable are many organizations with the status quo that they are willing to drift into decline and even oblivion rather than create waves. We watched General Motors do that in recent times. They lived in a fairy tale world while the world around them changed dramatically but with its change adverse culture no one was willing to create some waves, wake people up, help them smell the coffee and realize that it was not 1960 anymore!

Churches, mission organizations, and Christian ministries often do the same thing. And many are living like General Motors did.

Without a crisis major change does not occur in an organization. Yet without major change, organizations become obsolete. This is why wise leaders regularly create a crisis - they intentionally create waves that cause discomfort to the system because without shocking the system the system always returns to its comfortable equilibrium.

Waves are not bad and leaders often need to create waves and even some anxiety if they are going to convince others that change is needed. Over a decade ago, we intentionally created a crisis in our denominational office to convince our staff that either we needed to change - to become a premier service organization for our churches - or we would become unnecessary and obsolete. It was not a comfortable time for our staff but it had the desired result of helping us change our culture.

Leaders create waves, sometimes small, other times large, to rock the boat, upset the equilibrium, get people's attention and force the organization to look at some issue differently. If someone had done that at General Motors years ago, they would not have found themselves in the spot they did. The same is true for many churches who are quietly drifting into irrelevancy oblivious to the fact.

When equilibrium is disturbed, people begin to talk about issues and solutions that they otherwise would not discuss. The REVEAL study done by Willowcreek Community Church on spiritual formation created a crisis in many churches as they realized that their assumptions about life change were in fact flawed. That has sparked huge conversation around how spiritual formation actually takes place and we will all be better for it.

As in the REVEAL study, leaders create waves by asking tough questions about the assumptions that often underlie our ministries. Those questions are uncomfortable and perhaps intimidating but they force the organization to think differently and to engage in significant dialogue. As our world changes at an ever more rapid pace, the need to create waves that spark discussion and new thinking becomes all the more important.

Some leaders are intimidated by the prospects of disequilibrium because they cannot control where the waves will lead. That is true! But with an organization full of good people, the likelihood is that the discussion and dialogue will create a pretty good solution.

In our mission, I intentionally created waves several years ago by suggesting that we wanted to be planting churches internationally that were healthy, indigenous, self-supporting, interdependent and reproducing - and that many of the churches we planted or groups we worked with were not committed to these things.

My white paper was taken by some to be unrealistic, by others to be a slam on what we had been doing and by others to be a threat to the status quo.

But it sparked a great deal of discussion (not all of it comfortable) and in the end we sharpened our understanding and goals for the kinds of churches we wanted to plant and the strategies we would use to accomplish it. But I had to be willing to create a crisis in order for the dialogue to take place - and take the risk of a period of uncertainty as that dialogue was going on.

In fact, when leaders are no longer willing to create waves (it can be uncomfortable for them as well) it is time for them to step aside.