Insecure leaders

Insecure leaders harm relationships which has a ripple affect down through the ministry. Thus the question becomes, can we increase our EQ (Emotional Intelligence) so that we grow and maintain healthy relationships and don't cause the relational chaos that so often occurs with insecure leaders.

Most people can grow in this area but it can take practice. Here are some suggestions.

Practice an open attitude toward those who criticize or suggest alternate options. You may not feel like having an open attitude but this can be learned. The key to being perceived as open (even if you don't feel like it) is to not react defensively or verbally to those who may disagree but rather to default to questions like, "help me understand," or "unpack that for me." What we are doing is communicating that we are open to dialogue rather than simply being closed.

Dialogue with those who would take an alternate route is one of the most important practices of anyone who has healthy EQ. Closed people tell, declare or clam up while open people dialogue, ask clarifying questions and keep the conversation going.

Dialogue should be combined with the practice of "thinking grey." When thinking grey we are open to options, opinions, opportunities and have not made up our minds. Insecure leaders don't think grey, they need their way or need to be seen to have an answer. Secure leaders are open to all input before they make up their minds.

Thinking grey allows one to learn the art of compromise. Here is the deal. None of us are all wise or right all the time. There is a reason that when God designed church leadership He designed it as a team of overseers or elders. Compromise is not a negative word. We don't compromise on moral issues but we learn to be flexible on other issues. Healthy leaders are flexible, they listen and they don't die on hills that they don't need to die on.

Flexibility is really about humility. Pride says, I must have my way. Humility says, it is not about me but about us. The longer I lead the more I realize that there is a whole lot I don't know and humility means that I am willing to bring others into decisions I make - especially those who might not agree with me. It is easy to be "humble" with those who agree with us - not so easy with those who look at ministry differently.

One can see how these practices build relationship where the alternative destroys relationships. Good practices in relationships build while poor practices destroy. How are you doing?

Creating intentional waves

Organizations, teams and groups crave equilibrium - predictability. Especially in Christian contexts there is also an aversion to strong disagreement or "conflict." The phrase "don't rock the boat" reflects most people's aversion to surprises or major change. We are more comfortable on calm seas then in the waves.

In fact, so comfortable are many organizations with the status quo that they are willing to drift into decline and even oblivion rather than create waves. We watched General Motors do that in recent times. They lived in a fairy tale world while the world around them changed dramatically but with its change adverse culture no one was willing to create some waves, wake people up, help them smell the coffee and realize that it was not 1960 anymore!

Churches, mission organizations, and Christian ministries often do the same thing. And many are living like General Motors did.

Without a crisis major change does not occur in an organization. Yet without major change, organizations become obsolete. This is why wise leaders regularly create a crisis - they intentionally create waves that cause discomfort to the system because without shocking the system the system always returns to its comfortable equilibrium.

Waves are not bad and leaders often need to create waves and even some anxiety if they are going to convince others that change is needed. Over a decade ago, we intentionally created a crisis in our denominational office to convince our staff that either we needed to change - to become a premier service organization for our churches - or we would become unnecessary and obsolete. It was not a comfortable time for our staff but it had the desired result of helping us change our culture.

Leaders create waves, sometimes small, other times large, to rock the boat, upset the equilibrium, get people's attention and force the organization to look at some issue differently. If someone had done that at General Motors years ago, they would not have found themselves in the spot they did. The same is true for many churches who are quietly drifting into irrelevancy oblivious to the fact.

When equilibrium is disturbed, people begin to talk about issues and solutions that they otherwise would not discuss. The REVEAL study done by Willowcreek Community Church on spiritual formation created a crisis in many churches as they realized that their assumptions about life change were in fact flawed. That has sparked huge conversation around how spiritual formation actually takes place and we will all be better for it.

As in the REVEAL study, leaders create waves by asking tough questions about the assumptions that often underlie our ministries. Those questions are uncomfortable and perhaps intimidating but they force the organization to think differently and to engage in significant dialogue. As our world changes at an ever more rapid pace, the need to create waves that spark discussion and new thinking becomes all the more important.

Some leaders are intimidated by the prospects of disequilibrium because they cannot control where the waves will lead. That is true! But with an organization full of good people, the likelihood is that the discussion and dialogue will create a pretty good solution.

In our mission, I intentionally created waves several years ago by suggesting that we wanted to be planting churches internationally that were healthy, indigenous, self-supporting, interdependent and reproducing - and that many of the churches we planted or groups we worked with were not committed to these things.

My white paper was taken by some to be unrealistic, by others to be a slam on what we had been doing and by others to be a threat to the status quo.

But it sparked a great deal of discussion (not all of it comfortable) and in the end we sharpened our understanding and goals for the kinds of churches we wanted to plant and the strategies we would use to accomplish it. But I had to be willing to create a crisis in order for the dialogue to take place - and take the risk of a period of uncertainty as that dialogue was going on.

In fact, when leaders are no longer willing to create waves (it can be uncomfortable for them as well) it is time for them to step aside.

Spiritual Transformation

The goal of Jesus for our lives is to take the unique us that he created, with our gifting and wiring and through our relationship with Jesus and the residence of the Holy Spirit in our lives create a better us – the kind of us that we would have been before creation became undone and sin entered the world.

This is the process of stripping our lives of those things that don’t reflect the image of God and putting on those things that do. “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:22-24).

The process of putting off those things that are unhealthy and putting on those things that are like Jesus is not an easy process. The times where we see the most progress in this transformation are during tough times when the real us is exposed in all its reality (sometimes ugliness) and we are forced to press into Christ in a deeper, more authentic way because we have nowhere else to turn. That is why we call Life Undone an unlikely gift.

In the process, God forges the us that we were designed and created to be. The us that will have the impact on our world that God wants us to have. The us that is increasingly transformed into the image of Jesus – remember we were originally created in the image of God – so God through Jesus is recreating us in His image. It happens most powerfully in the hard times of life.

My first experience with life undone caused me to enter into a study of God’s grace that continues to this day. I moved from being performance oriented in my relationship with God to learning how to live in his gracious grace. That transformation changed my relationship both with God and with others.

I also learned that not all problems are solved this side of eternity and that God may choose not to answer my prayers the way I wanted Him to because He had greater purposes for what He wanted me to learn and places He wanted me to grow. I learned to trust Him in the face of injustice and pain that I could not solve. This was a painful lesson but one that has given me a deeper perspective on God’s purposes in our lives.

In my significant illnesses I learned firsthand that God can do the miraculous, and that I am the recipient of his undeserved grace by choosing to spare my life. That has changed the way I look at every day – as an undeserved gift to be used for Him. I live on borrowed time. In my Thailand experience, staring death in the face, being awake on the ventilator I learned that I can experience the peace of God and trust Him no matter what the outcome. He was all I had and He was enough.

These are deeply transforming experiences that only come from deep pain and hard times. These transformative experiences are not merely intellectual but they penetrate the deepest part of our lives which is why they change us. No sermon or book can match the power of transformative experiences forged in pain!

One of the byproducts of deep pain is that it brings to the surface other issues that are unresolved in our lives, lurking below the surface which we have been able to ignore, until our pain in another area brings it to the surface.

Early in my ministry, after experiencing great pain I went to see a counselor about issues that had no direction connection to the situation I faced but which the pain brought to the surface. It is always a blessing when unresolved areas of life come to our attention because it is as we deal with those that we become the me God wants us to be. Never ignore what pain reveals.

As I look back on times when life has come undone, times that were excruciatingly hard and painful in the process, I realize that all the major growth and transformative experiences of my life came in those times and their aftermath. Painful as they were how can I be anything but grateful to God for the opportunity to experience transformation that never would have happened without them? And in the process I have participated in the “fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead” (Philippians 3:10).

If you have experienced great pain in your life, as life is redone, as it comes back together for you, pay close attention to the transformation that has taken place in your life. Places where God has made Himself better known to you, lessons you have learned. Pay attention and think about them because these are precisely the transformative experiences he wants for you so that you becomes a better you as God’s character and purposes become a greater part of your life.

Whether or not you journal, I would encourage you to put down on paper the lessons you have learned and the places where you have experienced transformation. Remember, these are the most significant opportunities for you to experience the spiritual transformation God wants for each of us. So, the more you pay attention to what God is doing in your heart, and cooperate with that work He is doing, the more you gain from having been in the heat of His forge.

Key Result Areas and Annual Ministry Plans

It is so simple, so basic but it makes all the difference in the world in terms of what your team or staff accomplish. Simply put, every member of your team ought to know two things: What their goals are (and what you will hold them accountable for) and what their plan for accomplishing those goals is.

The goals are KRAs or Key Result Areas. The plans are AMPs or Annual Ministry Plans.

Knowing the goal and having a plan gives clarity to both team members and supervisors. It moves people from ambiguous ministry activity to clear ministry results. The clarity also makes evaluation objective. Either the staff member has worked the plan or they have not. It does not have to be perfect, it is about intentionality and results.

Interestingly, KRAs and AMPs are also a protection for staff members against supervisors who micromanage or frequently change their minds about what they want. Once the goals and plan is approved, they are free to work it and supervisors are not free to change it.

This very simple concept is a game changer for ministry staff. If you are not practicing it, you really need to! It will help you move from activity to results and from ambiguity to clarity.

In my experience, one reason ministry staff do not use KRAs and AMPs is that their leaders don't want the same accountability. Because it starts at the top.

Suffering and freedom

Life lived with God is a journey of becoming free. It is a journey from selfishness to selflessness, from sin to righteousness, from facades to authenticity, from living by the expectations of others to that of pleasing an audience of one, from our sinful nature to a life in the Spirit. Every step toward freedom is a step in the right direction. Jesus said, "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." Freedom in Christ is a wonderful place to live.

As citizens of a world that has been interrupted by Satan, we are held captive by many things: pride; independence; materialism; success; self-sufficiency; the expectations of others; sinful habits; distractions from those things that are most important and selfish hearts.

Every time one of those captive makers are stripped from our lives we become more free, more like the person God created us to be and our hearts more like His. In a divine reversal, what we consider to be the ultimate disaster can in fact be a freedom maker.

Once I have experienced a great failure, I no longer need to worry about failing. Once I have lost my self sufficiency I no longer need to pretend I am self sufficient and am free to rely on God. Once having been humbled by suffering in its many versions, I can let go of my pride - I am forced to and it is freeing. Now I can just be me! No longer do I need to pretend I am something I am not. I am free to live with authenticity.

When I have not lived up to the expectations of others I realize that not only can I not pull that off but I don't need to. Another step toward freedom. The pain of suffering clarifies those things that are not really important in my life that I can jettison without guilt - and I am free to focus on what is truly important.

The focus of dealing with tough life situations brings to the surface sinful habits and tendencies that in my pain I realize are wrong and counterproductive. Leaving them behind gives me freedom.

In thousands of way, large and small, suffering points us toward Christ and faith and trust and humility and toward a greater life of freedom. Counter intuitively, life come undone contributes to a life of freedom.

Self interest or Kingdom interest

In Philippians 2:19, Paul makes a very interesting comment where he compares Timothy’s ministry motivation with the ministry motivation of others.

“I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon, that I also may be cheered when I receive news about you. I have no one else like him, who takes a genuine interest in your welfare. For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. But you know that Timothy has proved himself because as a son with his father he has served with me in the work of the gospel” (Philippians 2:19-22).

Paul uses two descriptors for Timothy. First, that he takes a genuine interest in the welfare of the Philippians – that is he really cared about them and their welfare. And then Paul contrasts that with the majority of people when he adds, “For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.” That is a sobering statement! Are we like Timothy who takes a genuine interest in the welfare of others or like the majority who look primarily after their own interests?

The proof, says Paul has been Timothy’s partnership with Paul in the work of the gospel. Timothy has a track record of faithful ministry to others and a genuine interest in their spiritual welfare, and he was willing to serve under Paul as a young minister – a mark of followership and humility – rather than to carve out a name and a place for himself.

The ministry world is full of people who are carving out names for themselves and under the guise of “ministry” are actually looking after their own interests, pursing their own dreams and doing their own thing rather than working under or with others for the spread of the gospel. And when it comes down to basic motivations it is really about them not others! Paul nails their motivation when he says they are not looking after the interests of Jesus Christ.

Paul’s comments cause me to ask myself today. What is my motivation? Is it “genuine” like Timothy’s or is it more about me than Him. Whose interests am I really looking after? The answer is often not how it looks on the outside but the motivation from the inside.

Independent contractors and organizational members

There are two kinds of potential employees and you probably have both in your organization if you are of any size: those who think of themselves as independent contractors and those who choose to be organizational members. The first group is problematic while the second group is healthier.

Independent contractors are those who are part of your ministry but who are far more committed to what they want to do than to contribute to the overall success of the organization. For an independent contractor, your ministry, be it a mission, a church or other ministry is simply a platform for them to do their thing in their way and in light of their priorities. So while they may be employees or staff and receive their paycheck from your organization their loyalty is not to the organization and its mission but to their thing and their mission. They actually hurt your organization rather than help it.

What this means is that they have no desire or intention to align themselves with the organization itself but use the organization for their purposes. It brings with it significant lack of alignment, an independent spirit that does not play well on a team, continual push back when asked to abide by organizational values and commitments and often a passive aggressive attitude that pays lip service to the organization but in reality plays to their own priorities.

Contrast this with staff who understand that they are part of an organization and want to contribute to the mission and ethos of the organization. They play well together, abide by organizational commitments, understand that they are not solo players and deeply desire to contribute to the whole. Thus they play well on the team and exhibit a humble spirit of service and contribution to the whole.

In my experience, independent contractors do not belong in a healthy organization because they will not contribute to the whole. Those who understand that they are part of the whole and want to contribute to the whole are highly valued by an organization. If you are struggling with a staff member who does not seem to be aligned ask yourself if you are dealing with an independent contractor rather than an organizational member. That distinction is often the source of frustration that you are feeling.

One caveat. You cannot ask staff to be part of an organization when there is not clarity as to what the organization is about. Where there is a lack of organizational clarity you will have independent contractors because they have to make up their own clarity. When the organization has clarity, you can build a unified, aligned team of organizational members.

church boards and failure of courage

Church boards are notorious for an inability to make key decisions when they need to and then to stick to their decision when a few loud voices are raised.

The inability of boards to make timely decisions is endemic. Issues are hashed over numerous times, re sawing the sawdust because boards find it hard to make decisions and act. Not only is this a great waste of leadership time, it is in the end a failure of courage - to lead.

Take a staff issue, for instance, where there is a known problem that has lasted for years. The senior pastor knows there is a problem and the board knows there is a problem - but nothing happens.

The board spends endless hours talking, revisiting the issue meeting after meeting but there isn't the courage to make a decision because several board members are afraid of the fallout. The longer they debate, the more damage the staff member does. Finally under pressure, the board acts. But, soon they feel under pressure from a few in the congregation who don't understand or agree with their decision and they start to cave.

If one is going to serve on a church board it is necessary to have the ability to make decisions that will further the mission of the church and fulfill the call of God on the congregation. News-flash: not everyone in the congregation will be happy with that. Comfort, status quo and resistance to change are higher values for some than fulfilling Christ's mission for the church.

Sensitivity and process are important in the execution of key decisions. But he responsibility of leaders is to take the congregation in directions that God would be pleased with and that means making directional decisions that some will not eagerly sign on for.

A lack of courage to make timely decisions and to stick to those decisions in the face of criticism - which will come, sentences the church to mediocrity. If you serve on a church board, don't get caught with a failure of courage. Make timely decisions that are best for the ministry, expect that not everyone will be pleased, and don't cave. Board members who cannot do that need to move over and allow someone who is willing to lead - to lead.

Never waste a crisis

I don't know who said it but I agree with the statement. Crises in organizations, even though not desired can almost always be used in  powerful, positive ways. Think about this:

A crisis can be an opportunity to clarify. Take major conflict in an organization that creates crisis. What has been brought to the surface are underlying issues that not only exist already but which are hurting the organization as well. When they blow up, hard as it is, it forces one to clarify and chart a single course. Will there be fallout? Probably. Will the resulting group have greater unity? Probably.

A crisis can be an opportunity to focus. Take a financial crisis. Usually these are critical times to decide what is mission critical and to jettison what is not. We see financial issues as bad but they can be a great help in clarifying what is important and refocusing on that which is mission critical rather than ancillary.

A crisis can be an opportunity for reconciliation when relational issues are the cause of the conflagration. God is honored when His people cease hostilities and make whatever accommodation they can to get along, forgive or bless one another. 

A crisis can be an opportunity to clarify values and non-negotiables. This is especially true where a fundamental value has been violated. While never wanted, there are no more powerful times to reinforce what is truly non-negotiable than when a key value is violated.

A crisis can be an opportunity to model truth. Too often leaders, Christian or not, spin issues to try to look better which only creates cynicism among staff. After all, if leaders are not truthful, why should they be - and they know. Truth, no matter how painful always wins over spin.

A crisis can be an opportunity to recommit ourselves to dependence on God rather than ourselves. Humble dependence and an acknowledgement of our need is in short supply today but is highly regarded by our Father. Every crisis is a reminder of our need for Him, His wisdom and His help.

When crises come as inevitably they will every good leader knows two things. One: the crisis must be handled. Two: the crisis creates an opportunity. We always know the first truth. Often we miss the second opportunity.

Why should anyone follow you?

That is a fascinating question if you are a leader. Do you deserve to lead others? Are you functioning as a healthy, effective leader whose priority is the team you lead or are you really more interested in your things and priorities? The truth is that there are many leaders who frankly don't deserve to lead others and don't have the best interests of others at heart.

What are the characteristics of leaders who deserve to lead? First, they are committed to leading through their team. It is not about them but about what they and the team can accomplish together. Their team is not an afterthought or distraction but a major commitment and priority. They have made the transition from being an individual producer to leading through team.

Second, they have clarified the boundaries for the team: They are crystal clear on the mission they are are committed to, the guiding principles by which they work, their central ministry focus - the thing they need to do all the time and the desired outcomes of their work. Without definition in those four areas, we do not deserve to lead because those who work for us deserve to know the boundaries.

Third, they are leaders who empower rather than control others. Controlling leaders are selfish leaders and insecure leaders. Their lack of confidence keeps them from allowing good people to figure out how to accomplish their work in line with the clarity defined above. Neither Jesus nor Paul were selfish or controlling leaders - they defined the boundaries and empowered.

Fourth, they are leaders who mentor and coach their reports, helping them become all that they can be. This is not a monthly quick check in but it is an attitude and practice of understanding the wiring and strengths of their reports and helping them become all that God made them to be. That takes time. It is an unselfish use of our time and energy. Supervisors who will not mentor and coach in ministry do not deserve to lead others.

Fifth, they model what they teach and require of others. They are people of integrity, accountability, focus on results and keep their commitments. Leaders who do not model those four characteristics do not deserve to lead others.

It is an interesting question that each of us who leads ought to ask. Why should anyone be led by us? Don't take the question for granted. If you do you should not be leading. And trust me, our team members have an opinion on it.

Living in Grace

Real transformation does not allow for compartmentalization of our lives where we choose whether or not we will allow God to infuse that compartment or keep it for ourselves. Studies that show that the lifestyle and priorities of those who label themselves as evangelicals are almost no different than those who don’t claim to be Christ followers would indicate that there is a great deal of compartmentalization taking place.

This is a pseudo transformation where Justification (my sins have been forgiven) has not been followed by serious sanctification (my life has been and is being changed). While salvation may well have occurred, the process of my becoming all that God created me to be is circumvented when we compartmentalize those areas where we allow God access to our lives.

Real transformation starts with our hearts. This may seem obvious since it is clear that giving our heart to Christ is the key to an eternal relationship with Him. As Jesus Himself put it, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only son” (John 3:16-18).

This new life in Christ comes to us not because of something we have done but on the basis of God’s grace, freely extended to us. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9).

It is God who transforms our heart in response to our faith. It is all about His grace in our lives. Not only do we enter His kingdom by grace but we live out our daily lives in His grace and it is the living in grace that is perhaps our most difficult challenge.

Grace is unmerited favor. None of us merit the favor of God “but God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). When we were still in rebellion He moved toward us, became one of us in the incarnation and died for our sin!

So if God has transformed our hearts through His grace, bringing us into His family, forgiving our sin, giving us an eternal destiny, why do we speak further of the need for transformation of our hearts? I believe the challenge is not in accepting that His grace has forgiven our sin and reconciled us to Him. The challenge is in understanding how His grace impacts my daily life with Him.

Many of us struggle with a deep feeling of unworthiness in our relationship with God and frankly many of us spend our lives trying to make ourselves worthy to Him even after we have accepted His gift of salvation. In our struggle with sin we find ourselves doubting our worthiness. That often leads us to work harder to please Him, thinking that the more we do for Him the more we are worthy of Him.

But here is the catch: There is nothing we can do to cause God to love us more and there is nothing we can do to cause God to love us less. We live and exist in His pure, unrelenting, and infinite grace. That means we can relax in our relationship with Him. We are worthy of Him because He has made us worthy. We are called his friends and his brothers because He has made us family. When we come to understand His grace we can stop striving for His love and acceptance because through His grace we live in his love and acceptance all the time.

The Christian world is full of Christ followers who are still trying to earn God’s love instead of simply living in His wonderful grace. If we know that we don’t need to earn His love (it is not possible), we are then able to serve Him with grateful, thankful, hearts, without fear, knowing that we exist in His grace every moment and that our failures are all covered by that grace. The more we understand grace, the more we relax in our relationship with Jesus and the more confidence we have in our personal walk with Him.

Transformation of the heart is therefore crucial. First for salvation and entrance into His family and second, for living every day with confidence, not in ourselves, but in His limitless grace that encompasses all that we are. We will never be the us He created us to be until we understand what it means to live daily in His grace. Transformation starts in our hearts and continues in our hearts as we seek to understand the full implications of the grace we have entered into.

Discerning the voice behind the voices

Consider a common scenario. You are a ministry leader and you are receiving significant push back from one or more individuals either personally or you are hearing common themes being discussed with others which find their way back to you secondhand (the passive aggressive way to deal with conflict).

As a rule there are two things I want to know. First, who is pushing back and second, who is the voice behind the voices when there are common themes being raised.

When there are rumblings in your ministry and people tell you that there are discontented folks the first question is "who are they?" In fact, I will generally not have a conversation with people who tell me there is discontent in the ranks unless they will tell me who is involved. 

Why? Because there are people who I know that are continually discontented with where we are going, who have attitudes that are critical and cynical and who I know are not really on the team. The fact that they are sources of discontent neither surprises me nor am I going to spend time and energy trying to change their attitudes. On the other hand if the source of discontent is a healthy staff member I am going to press into that to see what can be done to resolve the issue.

There is another scenario that is all too common: you start to hear common themes in a common language which tells one that there is a voice behind the voices who is spreading discontent. The best passive aggressive people are smart. They will not tell you upfront what their issues are but they will tell others who are prone to becoming enmeshed with them emotionally and who will take on their crusade. They are like arsonists who light fires with others behind the scenes but when you show up they are never there to take responsibility. Rather, they use others to carry their water while they remain hidden in the shadows.

Here is what you want to understand in this situation. Those who are loud voices may not be the ones who are instigating the critical spirits. Common language, common complaints, and common attitudes usually indicate that there is a common source. Thus to deal with the situation you must find the common source. 

Here is where Christians are often naive. We believe that God's people will act with integrity when in fact they often don't. Jesus told us to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. Often when asked by church leaders about scenarios like this I will do some probing and it is not difficult to figure out who the common source is. Once that is determined it is possible to develop a strategy to deal with him or her.

Remember: common language, common complaints and common attitudes usually indicate that there is a common source. Figure out who the voice is behind the voices and you have a shot at dealing with the snake in the grass.

What I didn't learn in seminary and why it matters

I very much enjoyed seminary. I went to one of the best and soaked up great theology and learned how to properly 'divide the word of God,' all of which I am deeply thankful for. But the transition from seminary to ministry was a rude one. There were some important lessons that were not taught in seminary that were bottom line reality in the 'real world of ministry.' My observation is that seminaries are still not 'getting it' in addressing these issues.


In seminary 80% of my time was spent exegeting Greek, Hebrew and theology. In ministry, 80% of my time was spent in exegeting people and negotiating relationships.

Aside from understanding God's word, the ability to understand, get along with, work with and lead people is the number one skill needed in ministry. Ministry is about people, before it is about the fine nuances of Greek word tense or Hebrew root words (and I love Hebrew). I wish that those who train God's workers would spend more time helping them exegete and understand people.


Seminary did not tell me leadership was important, or place any emphasis on the leadership component of ministry.

As I work with churches, and church leaders, by far the number one challenge they face is that of how to lead boards, staff and congregations as churches grow. Seminaries today are still teaching a classical ministry model that assumes its pastors are serving the small church where leadership 'takes care of itself.' They are not teaching pastors how to develop vision, strategy and work with their leaders to establish a compelling vision for the future.


Seminary did not teach me how to lead a staff.

Instead, the important issue was knowing how to understand theology and preach. I get that. But as churches grow, pastors are increasingly leaders of others, whether of full time staff or volunteers. Because this is not seen as a value in our training, many pastors view the leadership of staff either as a distraction, or they simply lack the necessary skills.


Seminary did not teach me how to work with church leaders.

Too many pastors come out of seminary thinking they are God's gift to the church and they are the 'experts.' There is a rude awakening that they need to work with elected leaders in the church who have their own ideas as to what church is and how it should be run. Successful pastors are able to appreciate shared leadership and work with elected leaders to develop healthy ministry. Because there is so little emphasis on this in their training, it often takes many years for pastors to figure this out.


Seminary did not train me in healthy governance

The local church suffers from five common dysfunctions: bureaucracy, control, mistrust, professional ministry and ambiguity over direction. All of these are leadership and governance issues. They deeply hinder effective ministry. Yet, these are not topics of concern in most seminaries. All the knowledge of theology will not overcome these kinds of challenges in the local church.


Seminary did not teach me how to deal with conflict

And there is plenty of conflict, or potential conflict in the church. The ability to negotiate through that conflict and seek to find win/win solutions is absolutely critical to healthy ministry. Instead, many pastors find themselves 'demonizing' those who disagree with them when some training in conflict resolution would help avoid those bad habits and help foster a healthy environment.


Seminary did not teach me how to develop a team of specialists as the church grows

Seminaries are good at teaching pastors how to be generalists but as churches grow they increasingly need specialists with a leader at the head. This means that those leaders must have the ability to hire specialists, keep them focused and build a healthy team. Generalists work in small churches, specialists are needed as the church grows.


Seminary did not teach me to "develop, empower and release" people into meaningful ministry

Seminary taught me how to do ministry. Yet the function of church leaders is that of 'raising up, equipping and releasing' others into meaningful ministry in accordance with their gifts (Ephesians 4:12).

Thus we perpetuate the notion that the professionals do the real ministry while the 'lay people,' (I really, really dislike that term) do the lesser ministry. Because we do not release the majority of our people into effective ministry, the church has only a fraction of the influence it could have in its community.

Seminary did not model the kind of humble, servant leaders that are needed in the church today

In my experience, there was a great deal of hubris: theological, spiritual and personal among many of my most proficient professors. They vied for position, engaged in power struggles, put down others who didn't fit their paradigms and engaged in politics that would make Washington today look tame. Yet, these were people who were training those who are to lead like Jesus, cooperate on healthy teams, lead from a posture of service and humility. I found there to be a huge disconnect between the posture of some (fortunately not all) of my professors and the content of what they taught.

If typical seminary politics were to be the norm in the church (and it often is) the church is in deep trouble. Poor modeling among those who teach pastors can be held responsible for much dysfunction in church governance, especially among pastors.  They learned from the best in many instances.

Do I have a prescription for what seminary didn't teach me? I have three suggestions. One, that seminaries pay more attention to what ministry looks like in the real world. Two, that we move seminary education out of the cloister of the residential model and through distance or cohort learning provide theological education in the context of full time ministry where theology and real life ministry can intersect throughout the process. Third, that those who teach the next generation of pastors model the humility of Jesus rather than the arrogance of knowledge.

I personally believe that the schools that will survive and thrive in the future are ones that will modify their age old practices to train practitioners who are working and ministering in the real world. The disconnect between what happens in a full time seminary setting and the actual world of ministry is immense and growing. Unless schools are willing to bridge that divide they will increasingly become irrelevant to the local church which can and will and does train many of its own staff today.

What I do know is that the current model will not do the job in today's world.

Managing our strengths and liabilities

Because many individuals have not understood that their greatest assets (strengths) can also be their greatest liabilities, they simply don’t pay the kind of attention to the downside of their strengths that they need to if they are truly going to have significant influence. However, people of deep influence are acutely aware of both their strengths and the liabilities of those strengths. And they pay as much or more attention to the liabilities as they do to the strength.


Think about this: our strengths are just that – strengths. Over time, if we are living in our sweet spot they grow and develop without a whole lot of attention from us. God wired us with those strengths so they are natural. I have the ability and strength to think strategically. I can envision what can be in five or ten years without even thinking about it. What is hard or impossible for others is easy and second nature for me in thinking strategically.

The liabilities that comes with that particular gift, however are not as obvious to me: impatience with those who don’t see what I can see, the potential that others may see my confidence about what direction to take as arrogance.

I will never forget a meeting I had years ago with a bright young woman who reported to me. She came into my office to share an idea with me that she thought had great potential. About two minutes into our conversation her eyes flashed with anger and she said, “Don’t ever look that way at me again?” I said, “What do you mean? What way?” She said, “I can tell from your eyes that you have already dismissed my idea as one that won’t work!” She was right, my eyes had given it away and in the process my strategic strength (in this case I was sure it would not work) had become my liability by sending her a message of disempowerment. It was a learning moment that I had to apologize for and learn from.

Our strengths come naturally. The liabilities to our strengths are not obvious to us unless we spend significant time understanding the liabilities and the ways our strengths can hurt us and others if the liabilities are not managed.

Further, people of deep influence do not become that by focusing on the deficits of others but on their own deficits primarily. They are deeply aware of who they are, they think deeply about their own motivations and how they treat others. They have developed an inner early warning system that warns them when they are going to the shadow side and they discipline themselves to manage their liabilities. They understand the council of Christ that we are first responsible for taking the log out of our own eye before we try to take the splinter out of someone else’s eye.

Every one of us has areas in our lives where we are blind to how our actions impact others. A large part of managing our shadow side is understanding not only how we perceive ourselves but how other perceive us and why they perceive us the way they do. However, because we are dealing with “blind spots” the only way we can get to this awareness is by receiving feedback from others. And that requires self confidence, humility and a nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude. This is why many young leaders resist such feedback, it is threatening and uncomfortable. I know, I have been there!

One of the most valuable lessons I have learned over the years is to welcome and not resist feedback – particularly from those who I know love me and have my best interests in mind. My wife, Mary Ann is one of those who will always tell me the truth and I know she does it out of love and concern. I have a trusted group of colleagues and friends who have the same right to speak into my life and whose council I trust. I would rather know than not know where I have blind spots or am being misperceived because of actions or words than live like the emperor who had no clothes, oblivious to his nakedness. The key, of course, is knowing who one can trust to have one’s best interests in mind. Another one of those groups is my prayer team who regularly share with me feedback that they have as they have interceded on my behalf.

I have also learned to ask feedback from those I trust rather than just hope it will come. I know, for instance, that I can be perceived as distant by some. It is not how I feel but it can be how I am perceived. I would not know that unless I had received feedback that helped me see what I could not see. Knowing that such a perception is possible, I can work to find ways to connect with those who otherwise might see me as distant.

I have learned that the more candid I am about who I am and the struggles I face, the more approachable I become. This has led me to be far more self disclosing with those around me than I was as a young leader when I thought that such self disclosure could be seen as weakness. It also comes out of a nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude by which I seek to live today. While I may not be wired like some who are deeply relational, the connection that comes through authentic self disclosure is a powerful connection and invites relationship with others.

My point is that the more we learn about ourselves both from our own awareness and from those around us who care about us, the better we become at playing to our strengths and minimizing our liabilities. There are many things I wish I knew years ago but did not. I am simply thankful that I know them now. And, I want to continue in my quest for healthy self awareness for the sake of the influence that I can and want to have in the future.

Ministry teams that work, or don't

Ministry teams are great - when they work. Sometimes, however, they don't but they never seem to die once established. We are often far more careless in the ministry world on the building and leadership and mission of teams than we would be in the secular world. Just because someone has a great idea or wants to start or lead a team is not enough to let them do so. As you consider ministry teams in your context here are some issues to think through.

Do you have a good leader?
Whether we like it or not a team rises or falls on whether the one who leads it can actually lead. The definition of a leader is that when they look behind them someone is following! Good leaders can build team, inspire vision, implement strategy and ensure that the team is actually effective. Even with the best idea, until one has a good leader, don't start a ministry team.

Does the ministry team have a plan?
Good intentions are just that. What matters is that the intentions can be translated into a workable plan that meets real needs. Asking for an annual ministry plan from a team is just smart leadership. It forces them to think carefully about what they are going to do so that they accomplish their objectives. No plan, no team!

Is the ministry in sync with the overall ministry?
Churches, especially, are notorious for adding a hodgepodge of ministries without any real alignment. The ministry of the team ought to complement and be in sync with the overall ministry of the church or organization. All arrows need to be pointed in the same direction for a ministry to be most effective. Asking the question, how does your particular ministry complement the ministry of the organization is an important one.

What spells success for the ministry team?
If a team cannot define success they don't have a plan! Even in ministry we need to know what success looks like. I have seen many teams spin their wheels for long periods of time not really accomplishing anything. If there is a definition of success, they have a target to shoot for and you have a way to evaluate their effectiveness. That should be done at least annually.

What is your exit strategy?
Sunset clauses are great things. It is one thing to start a ministry team, quite another to close one down! It is helpful to have a written policy for how teams and ministries are evaluated and how you can disband them when their usefulness is no longer there, when energy lags, or when good leadership is not available. Having the liberty to shut down a ministry team is as important for leaders as the liberty to start them.

How do you celebrate success?
When teams work hard and accomplish something significant, how do you hold them up, thank them, celebrate their accomplishments and encourage them? We are often great at guilting people into serving and not so great at thanking them for their service. Faithful and effective team members need to be encouraged and thanked.

What is your plan for recruiting new team members?
There is a natural cycle of ministry, rest and ministry again. People often cannot serve forever. Yet it is often hard for them to take a break or move on to something new because there is a shortage of help. One of the functions of a team leader is to ensure that there are new people waiting in the wings or being recruited so that others can take a rest.

What do you do when a team leader hijacks the team?
This happens. You get a strong leader who has his or her own agenda and suddenly the team is doing its own thing but is not in sync or accountable to the leadership of the organization. Spelling out leader responsibilities ahead of time (there should be a document) gives you the opportunity to pull people back into alignment if they try to go on their own. Or to remove them if necessary from leadership.

Healthy ministry teams drive God's agenda in numerous way. Getting it right so they work make a huge difference.

Pay now or pay more later

I recently had an interesting conversation with a leader from a church of about 500. Their senior pastor had left and they wanted outside counsel to help determine whether a recent staff hire would be suitable to serve as the next senior leader. Their desire is to become a regional church of several thousand - which they may have the potential to be.

I agreed to help them and laid out a suggested process which included some testing to determine the wiring of the potential new senior leader. It was about $2,000. After board discussion they decided they didn't want to spend the money on testing - it was too expensive. In turn, I suggested that I was not the right person to help them.

This board is making a classic mistake. They are hoping for the right fit but are unwilling to make the small investment to determine that fit. In trying to save a few dollars they put their future at risk because if the fit is not right it is very painful to undo.

There is a principle at play here in hiring. You either pay now to determine whether an individual is the right one for the spot you are hiring for - or you pay more later - in pain, frustration or severance. Which is wiser? As one who has had to deal with poor fits on a number of occasions I know how painful it is to move someone out of a position where they didn't fit.

Getting the right fit is hard enough. Complicating it by not doing due diligence when one can is foolish - but frequently done. I hope my friends get it right! On becoming a regional church of several thousand? Unlikely with that kind of thinking.

Seven questions every ministry ought to ask themselves

Do we think too small?
Most ministries do. They are so used to what is that they don't ask what could be. In addition, they often ignore the fact that if they changed how they did what they did that they could see exponentially larger ministry results. Ministry results are not dependent on our size or budget but on strategies of multiplication rather than addition. Changing how we think can directly impact our results.

Do we underestimate the power of the Gospel?
Too many of us do. The simple Gospel message has the power to change hearts and lives and communities through the work of the Holy Spirit. It is so simple that we often think we need to make it more sophisticated. There is nothing sophisticated about the Gospel. It is the power of God to change lives and bring salvation (Romans 1:16).

Do we think too narrowly?
Paradigms can be limiting factors for all of us. For many years the organization I lead said it was a church planting mission - pretty much exclusively. When we opened ourselves up to a holistic ministry focus of Gospel transformation and holistic ministries we saw our impact dramatically increase. We had been thinking too narrowly. 

Is our vision molded by caution or faith?
Caution is plague among ministries. We are so careful that we don't mess things up that we often don't step out in faith and try bold things. I am not talking foolish things but bold things. ReachGlobal is praying that God would allow it to impact one hundred million people with the Gospel and see 100 Acts 19 situations arise where the gospel penetrates a city or region, not just a neighborhood. That is a faith goal that forces us to not only live by faith but to boldly try strategies that will get us there. 

Is our expectation molded by pessimism or optimism?
Paul says in Ephesians 4:20 that "God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Do we really believe that? I meet many people who have very modest expectations of what God can and will do. I choose optimism over pessimism every time because it is a out God and His power that actually works within us.

Do we underestimate God power in us?
Most believers do. We don't fully grasp His power working within us or believe that He can use ordinary people for extraordinary things. But God always works through ordinary people who understand His power and are ready to put their lives at His disposal and believe that He will infuse their efforts with His power.

Do we work too independently of others?
Most ministries do. Sometimes we are arrogant and think that we can do it alone, sometimes afraid to enter into strategic partnerships, sometimes our theological framework is too narrow to understand that the Gospel transcends our usually minor theological differences. Whatever the reason, until we value the Bride over our brand we will not see the ministry results that God envisions for our world.

Those we ride with

Mary Ann and I are deeply blessed with a set of "friends for life" with whom we share life! Some of these friendships date back some 20 years or longer and all of them are deeply significant to Mary Ann and me. No words can adequately express the love and appreciation we have for these friends who share our lives and we theirs.

These friends for life have molded us, prayed for us, shared their lives with us and who we are today is directly influenced by who they are. They have left an indelible mark on our lives and hearts and we are better for them.

The New Testament has much to say about "one another." There is nothing superficial about the relationships it describes. I think of those who shared the life of Paul through his travels, trials and difficulties. They were his encouragement through many dark days and their friendship held up one of the most remarkable ministries in Christian history. They share His reward in heaven.

Those who ride alone in life - with superficial relationships - are poorer for it. Not only can I not ride alone, I am deeply in need of my life long fellow pilgrims and will do what ever it takes to stay connected with them. They are are huge priority because they are deeply important in our lives.

Who are you riding with? Do you make your fellow riders a priority? Are you a good fellow traveller as you minister to them as they minister to you? Never take them for granted!

Passive aggressive behavior is a prime form of dishonesty

Passive aggressive behavior is something all of us should be conscious of and ensure that we don't engage in it. Unfortunately it is all too common and is in my view a prime form of dishonesty.

It is dishonesty because the one engaging in this behavior says one thing to your face - usually indicating assent and agreement or cordiality while in reality they don't mean it. And, to others they may express just the opposite or simply do exactly what they indicated to you they would not do. That is dishonesty. It is also cowardice because they are unwilling to simply tell yo that they don't agree - which could lead to a constructive dialogue and some level of understanding. Instead they essentially lie about what they actually feel and undermine you behind your back.

What is crazy making about passive aggressive behavior is that it is duplicity but a duplicity that is very hard to address because the problematic behaviors are engaged in with others or when you are not present. This is particularly sad among Christians in ministry whose yes should be yes and whose no should be no. It is no less dishonesty than stealing from one's employer or lying on one's tax return. It is dishonest - period.

It may take courage but stating one's position openly and honestly (hopefully with diplomacy) is critical to healthy relationships. The ability to state what one thinks even when it goes against the grain is a sign of healthy EQ. At least at that point there is the possibility of a discussion even if agreement cannot be reached. Not stating it and acting passive aggressively leaves no room for discussion but creates chaos in relationships which is what dishonesty by definition does. The irony is that after a season, the fact that one does not agree (even if one will not admit it) becomes evident in their behaviors.

As a leader I respect those who state their opinions diplomatically even when they disagree with mine. I have no respect for those who lie to me and then engage in passive aggressive behaviors. It is not honest and it is duplicitous. 

In the Image

I remember how proud and excited I was the day I brought my oldest son, Jon, home from the hospital. Everything had changed. I drove more carefully, I was protective of my baby and Mary Ann, a new sense of responsibility enveloped me.

As he began to grow and develop I started to recognize some of me in Him and it warmed my heart. Jon is a combination of Mary Ann and me, in many ways he is our image even though he is a unique individual in his own right

Any mother knows the awesome miracle of a child that has come from her womb. Here is “flesh from my flesh.” The bond between mother and child is a deep and profound one.

There is a mystery in creation that will remain a mystery until we see God face to face. When He chose to create men and women, why did He choose to create them after His own image? Here is God, the one who has no beginning and no end, who is three persons in one, living in perfect unity and fellowship (God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit), who is divine, holy (morally pure), transcendent (above all things), sovereign (has all power), and yet he chooses to make men and women in His image! None of the rest of creation was made in His image – just men and women.

In making us in His image, God gave to us a dignity, an importantance, a kinship with Him that is unique and unparalleled. Just as Jon has “me” in Him, God planted something of “Him” in us that made us unique, important, precious to Him.

We are not random creatures here by fate to be buffeted by the capricious winds of history. We are men and women, precious to God, known by God, and made in His very image.

What does it mean that we were made in His image?

First it meant that we could have intimate relationship and fellowship with the eternal God of the universe and more astonishingly He desired (and still does) that relationship. Just as the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit have fellowship with each other, we can have fellowship with one another and with Him.

Second, we were created with a moral dimension unlike the rest of creation. We were created with the ability to choose holy and moral actions over immoral and evil actions. That is why, even after the fall, we sense guilt and shame when we do something we know to be wrong. We have a built in moral compass, affected by the fall but whose residue remains.

Third, we have a desire to connect with God. You see that desire wherever you travel in the world whether it is Buddhists trying to achieve a higher level of consciousness, Hindu’s seeking to please or appease one of the forty million plus Gods of Hinduism, some capricious and some good, the world is Islam seeking to achieve paradise, animists trying to appease the spirits in the rocks, hills and trees or even new age varieties where some kind of connection with the divine and eternal is the goal.

That desire to connect is nothing other than the residue of a perfect creation, now marred by sin but where the dim perfection of the original creation still echoes down through humanity in a yearning for relationship with the transcendent.

All of this can be summed up by a certain majesty and glory that God created when he created men and women. Which is why the fall and the destruction brought by sin is so sad. The thief came to destroy all that God created and we are infected and affected by sin and the fall.

What we cannot lose sight of is the amazing dignity that God created in men and women in his original creation and his still undying love for his creation that would motivate him never to abandon even sinful creatures.

There is nothing God will not do to win his creatures back – those made in his image – including the death of His own son on the cross to pay our penalty and restore our relationship.

That is what we mean to Him. That is why there is no sin He will not willingly forgive, no guilt He will not willingly remove, no life he will not gladly redeem. He wants us back. We were meant for Him and He love you and me with an undying, amazing and eternal love.

If you are a parent you know something about that kind of love. What would you not do for your son or daughter, made in your image? Even when they go their own way, do their own thing, inflict pain on parents, we want them back, we love them dearly – they are ours.

We are God’s and he loves us with that same parental, undying love, even when we stray and cause His heart pain. Why does God love us? Why will God intervene on our behalf? Why does He welcome even prodigals back and welcome them warmly? He made us for fellowship with Himself. He made us in His image. He loves us with an undying love.

It only takes a few bad leaders to destroy the vision of many

The story of numbers 13 is deeply instructive for any ministry organization. As you remember, the spies were sent into the promised land to survey it prior to the Isrealites taking it. On return, two of the spies gave a favorable report while ten did not. Those ten said it was an impossible job to take the land. The people were too big, the cities too fortified and the land to vast. Never mind that God had promised it to them and said that He would go before them as he had so many times before already.

What is scary is that it took only ten individuals to sway the vast majority of the people who then refused to follow God and ended up causing everyone to wander in the desert for 40 years. Hundreds of thousands of people suffered because of ten individuals who refused to follow God or believe his promises, and these were leaders no less.

Ministry success always depends on leaders who are willing to courageously follow Christ and believe that He will take them to the places He wants them to go. Negative leaders, scared leaders, tentative leaders, easily swayed leaders, leaders of little faith - none of these should be leaders in God's Kingdom. Like the leaders in Moses day they will hurt rather than help those whom they lead.

Ministries do way too little to guard the leadership door against those who do not belong. Who you have in leadership matters a lot. The wrong leaders exact a spiritual price on those they lead while good leaders do the opposite. It only takes a few bad leaders to derail an organization.

In almost every ministry meltdown or church conflict I have watched it was the failure of a few leaders to act with wisdom and vision that caused the problems. Who paid the price of their bad leadership? Everyone else!

When Christian leaders get angry

Few things are more destructive to God's work than angry Christian leaders. First, when God's leaders get angry, they often lose all the grace, wisdom and principles they have taught for decades.

I remember one such angry leader when he realized that he had lost the confidence of the board of his church, blew up and threatened not to leave (he had a zero confidence vote) and said he was willing to see the church of 500 go down to 150 if necessary - with him there. This from someone who had taught in that congregation Biblical principles for over a decade. Everyone around him is shaking their heads (except those he roped into his cause) wondering what snapped in his thinking to even consider such a scenario.

The same can be said for pastors who get into conflict in their churches and choose to plant another church in the community knowing full well that they will split the church they are leaving. Somehow the "ill treatment" they experienced gives them the rationale for now splitting the Bride of Christ and believing it is OK. It is as if a key spiritual discernment fuse blew in his anger and what would have been wrong a year ago is now not only right but the spiritual thing to do. Contrast this with the response of Jesus when he was treated unfairly!

I heard recently of a leader who has left his large church after a disagreement with his leaders - he didn't want to be under their authority anymore - who is telling folks that he is going to start a rival church in town and take a large portion of those who were in his prior church. If one of his own leaders had suggested such a thing in  the past this leader would have immediately put them under church discipline but somehow in his "righteous" anger he is now willing to violate everything he had said was wrong previously - and spiritualize and justify it.

Anger in spiritual leaders can easily lead to irrational, sinful, destructive behaviors where spiritual discernment and wisdom are thrown off and behaviors they once considered abhorrent are now OK for them. Frankly it is scary to watch. It is like watching King Saul implode after he chose to go his own way rather than follow God in the Old Testament. I have recently watched such an implosion and watched a friend who for years exhibited spiritual discernment go in the absolute opposite direction like one making a right turn. It makes me wary of my own spiritual health and the need to stay current with God and not allow my own flesh to decide the rules no longer apply to me.

One other observation. When this happens it seems that spiritual leaders have stopped listening to those who gave them wise counsel in the past and now only listen to those who fuel their new irrational behaviors. It is scary to watch because it could be any one of us in Christian leadership who choose to walk down an angry and self righteous path. A path that the evil one seems to use to destroy much of the good that they had accomplished in the past.

When dreams are shattered

It is a great gift to come to the place where we have nowhere else to turn than to God - because in the end He is what we really need and is the only One who can resolve many of the issues we face!

That is the gift that shattered dreams gives us. They force us back to the One who has our destiny in His hands, they give us the choice of turning either to bitterness or to faith, and call the question on where our security lies. Each of these is a great gift from God if we choose to respond by moving closer to God.

That is a big IF. I meet those who allow their disappointment to move them toward diminished dreams, bitterness toward God and others and a quiet resignation that this is all there will be.

Then I meet those who allow their need to build character, deepen their trust in God, re-group and rather than live with resignation, boldly fight back with the hope that comes from faith in God.

What makes the difference?

The difference comes back to how we see God. Is He truly trustworthy? Is He truly good? Can I really trust Him with my life and destiny? Do I believe that He has greater purposes for my life than I can always understand? Can He redeem pain for His glory and my benefit?

If I can say yes to those questions I will be on a path toward growth, maturity and healing that will profoundly change me. If I cannot say yes to those questions, confusion or bitterness will be the path.

The key is understanding God and that takes time in His word and in His presence. Those who make that investment have a stockpile of strength and understanding and faith that carry them through the dark days. Those who don't - don't.

Through a glass darkly

I am often intrigued by those who are so sure of themselves on all theological arguments and their application to our daily lives. I wish I could be one of them! However, I realize that my view of God and his ways are at best distant and fuzzy. He is so grand and His ways so far above mine that while I see, I see through a glass darkly - making out the outline but often not much more.

He is wonderfully and powerfully inscrutable!

As Job argued with his "friends" (who wants friends like he had), he thought that he had a pretty good idea of what God should be doing with his situation. Yet even after God demolished the "wisdom" of his friends, he too, endured the rebuke of God, for his views too, were deficient.

As the opening salvo of God to Job cogently said, "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?" (Job 38).

After four chapters of rebuke, Job replies to the Lord in chapter 42, "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things to wonderful for me to know."

Nothing develops true humility faster than trying to understand the awesome, holy, transcendent God! What we think we know, we know only in part. What we think we understand is understood through a glass darkly. One day when it is clear the landscape will be so amazing we will never get over it. Today we live by simple faith, in humble relationship with our wonderful God.

The single most important decision we make

The single most important decision we make is the decision as to how we will leave our ministry when our time is up. It is more important than the decision to come and it is more important than many of the decisions we make along the way. Because this final decision has the ability to hurt and destroy all that we have built and this decision reveals our true character. Will we do all that we can to uphold the Bride as we leave or will we do something to hurt the bride on the way out! And whatever choice we make, it cannot be undone.

As a church board member and organizational leader I have watched people make both very good and very poor decisions on how they exited their ministries. 

I have had people come and say, "T.J", I sense it is time for me to go and I want to do everything I can to make this a seamless, God honoring transition that blesses the organization and leaves it ready for the one who takes my place.

I have had others who came with demands and indicated that if those demands were not met they would do all they could to hurt the organization on their way out. And I watched some who did just that. Their bitterness drove ungodly behavior which undid much of what they had done during their tenure. 

How we leave is a test of our true character. Those who try to hurt a ministry or its leaders on the way out reveal a bitter spirit and heart that is willing to see God's work compromised in order to justify their own sinful behavior.

Contrast this with Paul who knew that some people preached out of envy and rivalry and even selfish ambition but "what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice (Philippians 1:18)."

No matter what the circumstances with which we leave we always have a choice. To be gracious for the sake of the One we serve and His Bride. Or to be bitter and divisive because we can. The first reflects the Spirit while the second reflect the flesh in all of its sinfulness. How we leave is a test and a reflection of our true character. 

Ministry Briefings from Todd Rhoads and Matt Steen

Todd Rhoads and Matt Steen are offering a new service to keep you up to date on what is happening in ministry.

• First, everyday Todd and Matt share a short video talking about "ministry stuff", they tend to be five minutes long, and we hope that they start a dialogue among those who watch (our youtube channel is here).
• Second, each month Todd and Matt are releasing a print piece called Ministry Briefing. This is a compilation, and executive summary of stories that we see throughout the month that are helpful for church leaders. While some of these stories have corresponding videos, many do not. The piece is made up of news articles, blog posts, studies, etc, that catch our eyes during the month. This month's piece has 115 summaries with links.

If you use the promotional code addington you will receive a $3.00 discount. Check it out. I am a subscriber!

Your freedom is a threat to my legalism

That is a great quote that I heard recently. The Scriptures give us an amazing amount of freedom in choices we make. Yet there are always professional legalists lurking in the background ready to pounce on those who make choices they would not make. These are not the "innocent" who will be hurt by our lifestyle decisions but legalists who are threatened by our liberty and who believe that others should make the choices they make - restrictive ones which is the nature of legalism.

The funny thing is that their legalism is not a threat to our liberty! Those who live in freedom are not threatened by legalism: Indeed they find it repulsive and sad.

In the early days of my tenure as leader of ReachGlobal we changed some policies that had a legalistic cast to them. Everyone cheered me on - except a few legalists who were deeply threatened by the change. Even though we had not asked them to change their individual convictions the fact that we were no longer legislating those convictions on everyone was a threat to them. Some actually left the organization because of it. Legalists like to impose their view on others. Those who live in freedom give others the choice to make decisions that Scripture leaves grey and up to individual conscience.

Why? Because Christian freedom is always a threat to legalism. It questions the premises of rules, regulations, expectations, that some like to place around themselves and others. Christian freedom means we have choices to make and many legalists don't like either that freedom or responsibility. The freedom Jesus lived in was highly irritating to the Pharisees whose rules He broke with regularity.

I chooses to live on the side of Christian freedom. It may be a threat to my fellow legalists but their legalism is never a threat to my freedom. In fact it reminds me often of the joy of freedom.

Handling stress in a healthy manner

Stress is debilitating condition. It robs us of joy, sleep, peace, concentration, causes changes in our body that can affect our health and is strong enough to lead to a shortened life! Many of us live unnecessarily with high levels of stress - especially in ministry.

Stress has many causes but at its core it is caused by something or somebody which is a danger to our well-being, to the well being of something or someone we care about.

For instance, because I love my organization or church, a threat to their health can be a cause of stress. If there is a danger to someone I love (disease, a marriage coming apart and so on) I can equally live with a level of stress.

By itself, stress is a good thing in that it can be an early warning system to us that something is not right and needs attention. However, if not managed well it can lead to inappropriate responses on our part, anger, depression and any number of negative responses.

I want to deal specifically here with stress that is caused by a threat to us individually. It could be someone who is angry with us and wants our hide, a supervisor who is unhappy with our performance, a staff member who has gone negative, or a perceived threat to our well being. As you read this think about the stresses you currently face.

Stress will be with us as long as we are alive but there are tools that we can develop and practice which can help us manage it. Below are some of the tools I have found to be helpful.

First, it is helpful when faced by a threat that causes anxiety to ask the question, what is my part of the equation? If someone wants your hide, is there a way that you have contributed to the others anger? Is there a piece of you that has contributed to their anger? If so, can you de-escalate their emotions by a conversation and trying to come to an understanding. We always have the choice with other people to escalate or de-escalate the passions.

Second, perceived threats tend to loom larger in our minds than they should. It is the fear mechanism that kicks in. Ask yourself, "what is the worst thing that could happen in this situation? Usually the worst thing that could happen is not as bad as our emotions would paint it.

Third, consciously work to "keep anxiety low." I actually say that to myself from time to time. The truth is that the worst that could happen is rarely as bad as what we think. Further, why worry about something that could happen when it has not happened? Keeping our anxiety low is critical because in a state of high anxiety our own responses are likely to be less than healthy in a stressful situation.

Often the worst that will happen is that someone will not like us or will speak ill of us. Unfortunately this is a fact of life - even in ministry. The truth is, however, that our reputation is ultimately in the hands of God. Not us. I don't know anyone who has accomplished something in ministry who does not have their detractors. Ultimately we play to an audience of one: God. If we are motivated by the applause of others we have the wrong audience in mind

Fourth, find counsel. When under stress, our own perspective or response is often not as dispassionate and level as it could be. Bringing a trusted wise adviser into the equation is exceedingly helpful. This is not about lobbying others to take our side or to "get back" at whoever is causing us anxiety. It is quiet, confidential, Godly counsel from someone who can give us perspective and counsel.

Fifth, don't go defensive with the one who is unhappy with you. Defensiveness is never a helpful response. You may not agree with what someone says but a defensive posture is really an attempt to protect oneself, keeps us from listening and is a barrier to communication. Healthy individuals deal with conflict from a non-defensive posture with an attitude of 'nothing to prove, nothing to lose."

What if there is some truth in the accusations against you? Own them. It's OK, none of us respond perfectly. Your willingness to take a non defensive posture will significantly lower the level of anger against you because it is an unexpected response which says, "I am not going to do battle with you."

A non-defensive response, even when accusations are not true from your perspective significantly lowers the level of the conflict and can lead to a conversation with a more dispassionate tone. Even though it is a normal human emotion, defensiveness rarely if ever helps, only hurts.

A non-defensive response can be as simple as "tell me more" about why you feel that way? Or, "share with me what you would have done?"

Sixth, intentionally give the situation to God. The older I get the more I appreciate the sovereignty of God. He ultimately has control of my job, my reputation and the circumstances I face. In fact, many years ago I went through a difficult period when many untrue things about me were intentionally spread. God used that to bring me to where I am now. He has the ability to take even the worst and unfair situations and redeem them for his purposes.

Stress and anxiety are really a test of our faith. Do we believe God is sovereign, that He is good, that He has our best in mind and that even if the worst happened (above) He will still be on the throne and look out for us? Stress asks the question, "Do I really believe what I preach and teach or believe?"

Finally, it is helpful to separate the conflict from who you are. My identity is not in my job (if I feel it is in jeopardy), it is not my reputation (I cannot fully control that), but it is my identity in Christ. Conflict and difficult situations come and go, but my core identity as a member of God's family does not. No one can take that from me - ever.

Stress is an opportunity to trust God, act wisely, de-escalate passions, leave our reputation in God's hands and remember that no one can take away our core identity. If people or life is unfair, God is not. He is good all that time and he is sovereign forever.