Thinking deeply on the things that truly matter

People of deep influence are deep thinkers. Surface thinking is one of the scourges of our time. Shallow thinking leads to shallow solutions and shallow results. Deep influence itself is a result of taking the time to deal with the issues of our inner lives, our relationship with God, our EQ, our shadow side and many other internal disciplines and issues. None of this is possible without the deepest of thinking.

The book of proverbs speaks of “mining” the things of God. That mining is done primarily in the inner recesses of our lives. Henry Nouwen wrote that we don’t like to be silent and still because we are then confronted with the scaffolding of our lives, some of which we don’t like, some of which we abhor. Yet, without taking the time to be still and silent we miss out on the ability to search deep things in our lives and in our ministries. There is a reason that the Lord says through Isaiah, “Be still and know that I am God.” It is in that stillness that we are confronted with His full majesty!

The thinking of people of influence is born out of the practice, habit and discipline of extended periods of thinking. Our frenetic schedules and propensity to activity are the main enemies of deep thinking. As it robs us of time to think it also robs us of our influence.

This is why I block off major portions of my year for writing and thinking. For me, writing often clarifies my thinking so that is a discipline that is critical for me to maintain. I encourage pastors to develop a preaching team so that they can take time off from the weekly grind of preparation to stop and think deeply about their lives and ministries. If time to think, ponder, and meditate deeply is important to us, then our schedules should reflect that discipline. And think time should not be the first to go when things press into our schedules.

Equally important is time for deep dialogue with other leaders. It is not unusual for me to take 24 hours to be with another leader whom I respect and trust and to share our lives and talk through situations we face. This is thinking multiplied as two deep thinkers sharpen and challenge one another!

Truly deep thinkers are hard to find but when one does, they are a treasure to be nurtured and a friendship to be cultivated. For me, one of these is my brother Tom who is one of the most insightful people I know. He is a contrarian thinker and a deep thinker. He asks probing questions and has a humble demeanor. He is as others have said to me, “without guile.” Tom and I regularly try to find time together and both of us leave better for it.

Because I work in the international arena, I rub shoulders with some amazing movement leaders from around the globe. Usually I meet with national leaders in a group setting. But there are some unusually deep thinkers among them that I will schedule full days with, sometimes multiple days. In our mutual dialogue, sharing of life and ministry I come away with insights that cannot be had any other way. Hopefully I leave something of value behind as well. There is a multiplication factor of critical thinking when deep thinkers spend time together.

One of my former colleagues, Steve, actually has a band of five brothers who meet together on an annual basis, and have done so since seminary days. They have a pact to be transparent and honest and they are able to speak into each other’s personal lives, marriages, hearts and ministries. They have developed a powerful bond with one another that helps them think more deeply and live more intentionally.

Living the incarnation daily

The incarnation is one of the most incomprehensible events in human and divine history. That the divine, the One who created all things, who is self sufficient and without need, would voluntarily become one of the created to redeem what the created had voluntarily destroyed is beyond understanding. With supreme simplicity the Apostle John put it this way: "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth" (John 1:14).

In the incarnation, Jesus chose to step into our shoes, take on our bones, live with our illnesses, frailties, sorrows and joys, and relate to His Father as we do. He became one of us so that we could become one of His family. He fully entered into our space and thus is one who understands us fully (Hebrews 4:14-16).

That is not the extent of the incarnation. For Jesus said to us, "As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world" (John 17:18). In other words as He was sent for incarnation, we too are sent for incarnation - and every time we voluntarily step into the situation of another to share their life, to carry their burdens, to bless them with the love, words or compassion of Jesus - we too, live out the incarnation - again

Incarnation is not a one time event. For those who have been touched by Christ's incarnation, we live it out daily as we step into the lives of those around us with His love. The power of Jesus' incarnation into this world is incomprehensible. The power of all of His people daily living out that incarnation with others is equally incomprehensible. It is the hope of our hurting world because He is the hope of all humanity.

We live out the incarnation when we choose to be the love of Jesus - daily with those around us. As He did for us we do for others. As He identified with us we identify with others. As He cared for the least of these so we care for the least of these. A voluntary entering into the needs of others with the love of the incarnate Christ.

When is it time to leave?

Nothing is forever - and part of a wise leader's (or key staff member's) periodic evaluation is whether it is time to consider moving on. Interestingly, when that time comes - and it comes for all of us one way or another - it is usually a good thing both for us and for the organization we serve.

A key issue for us to remember is that our work with any organization is a stewardship. In ministry, even if we started and built an organization our work is a stewardship to that organization on behalf of Christ. And, when we can no longer move the organization forward effectively, a part of our stewardship is to ask the question of whether our time 'here' is up.

Asking this question does not mean that we have failed. In fact, just the opposite is true. If we can discern that our time is up, we will have helped the organization. Those who cannot discern the right timing do actually end up hurting their organization. This is not about failure, it is about seasons of life.

What are some of the signs that our time is up?

When our organization has plateaued, or has moved into decline and we are unable to figure out how to reinvision the ministry. There are times when we have run out of ideas or an ability to lead the organization to the next level.

Rather than holding on and pretending that things are like they used to be when the organization was doing well, we serve ourselves and our ministry by saying, "we need fresh ideas and I need a fresh challenge." There is NO shame in that. It is actually deeply honorable because it refuses to compromise the mission (which transcends us) and acknowledges that we are not the right one "for this hour."

When there is conflict we cannot solve. There are also times when there is a level of conflict in the organization for a long enough time that we know in our hearts we cannot solve the problem and that it will take someone else to get the job done. It makes sense, in this case to step aside, both for our own health as well as for the health of the organization.

This does not mean that we run from conflict. It does mean that if we cannot solve the problem, for whatever reason, we don't hold on and allow the situation to compromise our future ministry or the chance that someone else could come in and solve the problem.

When we have become deeply restless over a period of time. Long time restlessness is often an indication from God that we need a new challenge. This differs from the issue above because things may be doing just fine in our organization - and we know we could continue on for the rest of our career. But the restlessness does not leave.

If you are restless and it does not go away, consider the fact that God has another assignment for you where you will be challenged to grow and develop in a new way. I spoke recently with an effective pastor in a healthy church who with tears in his eyes said "T.J., I know I could stay where I am but there is a restlessness in my soul. I am 50 something years old and I just feel like there is one more run that God has for me. What do I do?" He is feeling the restlessness of the Spirit and needs to pay close attention to it.

When we have lost the confidence either of the board (if we are the senior leader) or our supervisor (if we are part of the team). This takes good EQ on the part of a leader or staff member. In ministry organizations, one can lose the confidence of a board or a supervisor long before they will take action to suggest you move along - there is a lot of grace and a lot of conflict avoidance in ministry organizations.

However, here is the truth of the matter. When this happens, whether it feels just or not, and whether we agree or not, our ability to minister is severely compromised because those we need support from are no longer giving it. Wise people choose to address the issue and have a frank conversation with their board or supervisor and if it is clear that the necessary support is not there, they will be proactive in looking for God's next assignment.

The final reason to leave is where God grabs our heart - unexpectedly - for something we were not looking for or seeking. This one takes great discernment because we may be seeing great success in our current ministry and thus have no reason to leave. But, God may have a reason and we need to discern whether the opportunity is someone else's desire for our lives or our desire for our lives.

These decisions are not always easy, and life is not always fair, as I can attest. I have had to make these decisions - I know. But in the end it is not about us but about the ministry we serve. I honor those who are willing to ask the question and act in the best interests of the organization.

I am saddened by those who in spite of all the evidence choose to hang on and in hanging on, hurt the very organization they had served so well.

Change blindness and missions today

I saw an interesting video recently regarding "change blindness." In this experiment, a customer would come up to the counter for some kind of help. After a moment of discussion the clerk would excuse himself to find the appropriate form, duck down under the counter (to get the form) while another clerk moved into place under the counter, popped up with the form and continued the conversation. In almost every instance the customer never realized that they were talking to a different person - change blindness.

As one who works in the ministry world - missions, churches and Christian non-profits - I see this phenomenon all the time. Something changes before our very eyes, actually right in front of us and we don't realize that the change has taken place.

I often call the major changes that have taken place during my own lifetime the change from a black and white world and the now color world.

All of us are blind to some of the changes that take place around us. We are so familiar with the usual that we don't recognize the unusual. When my son was living in Chung Du, China for a year he once spoke to a clerk in Chinese. He answered, I don't know English. He again asked his question in Chinese, and the answer came back, "I don't know English," at which time the other clerk said to the first clerk, "He's speaking Chinese, stupid!" An example of being so familiar with the usual that we don't' recognize the unusual!

Monumental changes are taking place in missions today but like the clerks who changed places, many missionaries and agencies didn't notice the change.

One: the key to missions is no longer the missionary from the West to the East or the South. The key to missions today is the sending of believers from all parts of our world to all parts of our world, especially the least reached parts. Increasingly mission teams are being made up of people from the west, east, and south working together in a location to reach the unreached. This requires a new humility and partnership on the part of those who for many years played the major role in world missions as they move from being "the leaders" to "one partner at the table" and it is a round table!

Two: missions today is less country specific as it is people specific. In a globalized world where borders are often easy to negotiate, countries mean less than they used to mean. Multi-national corporations have discovered this and missions are beginning to discover this. People groups, whether Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, tribal, or language specific are often more important than the boundaries of countries. 

These "affinity" groups are increasingly more important than country boundaries. One of the practical results of this is that many mission agencies are abandoning the old "country" structures they had for "affinity groups" that transcend a specific country. Globalization has allowed and driven this change which was far more difficult in the black and white, pre globalized world.

Three: The key to multiplication today is that missionaries become enablers, coaches and empowerers of others rather than doing it all themselves. This is hard because it is a loss for those who were used to doing ministry by themselves. It is a gain in that it reflects the theology of Ephesians 4:12 where those in ministry are instructed to equip others and give ministry away in the spirit of Jesus. In this paradigm, western missionaries move from being the leader out front to being the coach in the back, encouraging and coming alongside indigenous leaders who are now out front leading the ministries.

Four: A logical extension of this last point is that the best missions today do not own anything, control anything or count anything as theirs. They are, after all, not out to build something for themselves but for the church of Jesus. They are servants of Jesus for the building of His church. 

This is a major shift for almost all western based missions who have inadvertently or advertently been controlling entities - a legacy of colonialism, wealth and education that has translated into holding the ministry, financial, education and leadership keys wherever they existed. Indigenous partners are flocking to those mission agencies who have understood this change because they are true partners rather than controlling entities. The table is round and they have an equal seat at the table as they work together for the building of His church.

Five: The logical extension of this comes when mission agencies are less interested in exporting their brand (denominational identity) than they are seeing the planting of healthy, indigenous, reproducing, interdependent and self supporting churches. Jesus did not die for my brand of the church, He died for His bride and our drive to extend our brand rather than His church is often a detriment to the spread of the Gospel.

I remember vividly visiting the closed country of Myanmar and visiting the northern city where Protestant groups over the years had planted their headquarters - like rival countries did when they planted flags at the North Pole. Here you have a deeply Buddhist country where persecution of Christians is rife and in this northern town are the headquarters of every denomination known to man - and a lot not yet known to man. 

We all planted our brand with the consequence that they all thought their brand was the brand. They neither cooperate with one another, work together and when push comes to shove, they break off and create a new brand. This is not the vision Jesus had for the church. That is why our mission is committed to planting His church and allowing them to organize as they will. 

Our commitment is that we have healthy, interdependent, self supporting, indigenous and reproducing churches. It also means that we have the liberty to partner with whatever Christ followers there are rather than having to start something new because our brand does not yet exist in that location.

All of us suffer from one degree of change blindness or another. The more aware we are of our propensity to not see change taking place around us the better off we will be. Because we will start looking for it and understanding its implications.

Monitoring our joy quotient: It is a choice

Is your glass half full or half empty?

Take a moment and think about all the issues you are dealing with today. Think about those things that wake you up at night. Consider the "heavy" things that you are dealing with.

It is easy to live with heavy hearts and burdened souls. But it is not how God wants us to live. Consider Paul's closing comments in his first letter to the Thessalonians:

Be joyful always

Pray continually;

Give thanks in all circumstances,

For this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus

The first three statements are deeply interconnected. How can one be joyful always? Only when we are living in continual communion with Christ (pray continually) because when we do we realize that we are not only not alone but the issues we face can be given to the Lord of the Universe. Joy and prayer are inseparable. The more connected we are the more joy we experience. Not because our situations would necessarily merit that joy but because we are connected to the source of joy.

The third command is also key: give thanks in all circumstances. We face real issues: but we are recipients of amazing grace in Jesus as well as His daily grace that shows up in our lives all the time. When you live with thanks - and every one of us who knows Christ has an unlimited list of grace to thank Him for, we cannot easily live with downcast hearts and souls. Thanks puts our situation in perspective.

Paul's final words here are also interesting - "for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." It is God's will that we live joyfully, connected and always thankful. That is a daily "game changer."

What is your joy quotient today?

Keeping our eyes open and not ignoring ministry threats

One of my hero's Winston Churchill once wrote, "Our difficulties and our dangers will not be removed by closing our eyes to them."

How true that is. And how often we try to close our eyes to them and not deal with them with the realism that we should - and they don't go away.

I spoke recently to a senior pastor who has a staff member that is causing all kinds of mayhem in the church because of poor EQ (Emotional Intelligence). They have actually lost several families. When I asked him what he was learning in leadership these days he said, "Not to avoid the issues that I know are there." He admitted that he didn't like dealing with tough issues but said he and his board had been negligent in not dealing with this staff member.

We usually know in our heart of hearts - our gut - what the difficulties and dangers are. It can be a staff member who is undermining ministry. It could be a staff member whose poor EQ is hurting people in the church but leaders won't deal with it. It could be a ministry strategy that we know isn't working but we don't want to face the reality and pull the plug. It is often a board that is divided and cannot get its act together but no one wants to tackle the elephant in the room! It could be a rogue board member who is talking out of school or politicking outside the board room.

In Winston's day, especially prior to the Second World War, there were many in the British government who closed their eyes to what was really happening in Europe and to Hitler's true intentions. Winston did not and it was his clarion call to action that finally galvanized the British nation to stand up to the problem the world faced.

Are you bold enough to name and stand up to the difficulties or dangers in your ministry context? The truth is they won't go away and the longer they are left unattended, the more costly the pay day is.

Spiritual warfare: The story behind the story

The Bible talks much about spiritual battles that take place behind the scenes as part of the divine drama being played out between Satan and his forces and the Father and His forces. In the book of Daniel, we find this man of God praying desperately for his people, storming heavens gates with his prayers and petitions.

In Daniel chapter ten, Daniel is praying, fasting, and mourning for the plight of his people who are in captivity – their world had come undone in a very big way. One day he was standing on the banks of the Tigris River (present day Iraq) in Babylon and he had a vision of a man “dressed in linen with a belt of the finest gold around his waist. His body was like chrysolite, his face like lightning, his eyes like flaming torches, his arms and legs like the gleam of burnished bronze, and his voice like the sound of a multitude” (Daniel 10:5-6).

Then this heavenly messenger told Daniel why he had not come sooner. “Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before you God, your words were heard and I have come in response to them. But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia. Now I have come to explain to you what will happen to your people in the future, for the vision concerns a time yet to come” (Daniel 10:12-14).

Even as Daniel had been storming the gates of heaven, God had been at work behind the scenes but there was a literal struggle between God’s emissary and Satan’s forces in the unseen world to prevent God’s messenger from getting to Daniel. The story behind the story is that there is an unseen world where spiritual forces of good and evil are battling it out and we are the characters in the drama that they are fighting over: Satan to steal, kill and destroy and the Good Shepherd to bring life to the full (John 10:10).

As Paul reminds us “Finally be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Ephesians 6:10-12).

Here is why prayer is so central, so important and so crucial when life comes undone. Here is the heart of the matter. We have an adversary who delights in hurting us, sidelining us, taking us out of the game, discouraging us, and destroying us. He is the thief of John 10:10, the one called Satan who stole the wonderful creation God intended and the fellowship He wanted with us. At the same time, God has heavenly forces at His disposal to help us, encourage us, protect us and help us overcome the adversary.

The key to this spiritual battle, this story behind the story, is to understand that life is not random but that we are part of the divine drama of redemption, God’s wonderful plan to redeem what has been made bad. Therefore Paul tells us “Pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert (watchful for what Satan is up to) and always keep on praying for all the saints” (Ephesians 6:18).

When I lay in United Hospital battling for my life, the consistent theme of my most intimate prayer partners who came to St. Paul to pray for me was that this was not primarily about illness but about a spiritual battle being fought behind the scenes. The only way to fight a spiritual battle is through prayer. Thus the greatest gift we can give one another as Paul wrote above is to keep on praying for all of God’s people.

The evil one thinks he has won when bad things happen to us – when life comes undone. He is counting on the fact that we will respond with bitterness and forsake God: that we will blame God and turn our backs on him. But every time we respond with faith and trust, he is defeated. Every time we turn toward God in boldness and embrace His will Satan is proven to be the liar, thief and fake that he is.

When we, like Job continue to trust in the face of the destruction of the evil one he loses face, loses the battle and God is honored. When we say, like Jesus, not my will but yours be done he is utterly defeated. Every step of faith, every step of trust, every bold prayer is a defeat for Satan and his forces. And God’s people all around the world prove that Satan is defeated every day in their faithful walk with God in spite of their circumstances. Each of us is part of that divine drama that will one day defeat Satan and his forces for all eternity.

One day we will understand how our particular situation fit into the story behind the story and we will be amazed. And the wonderful thing to know is that Satan has already been defeated – God’s D Day was the cross. But the battle continues until Christ returns and reclaims creation with His people and a new heaven and a new earth. In the meantime, we become the champions of God’s power and grace as we trust Him in the face our own situations.

Leaders and those they lead: Social distance

Leaders have an interesting dilemma when it comes to their relationships with those they lead. Certainly, all healthy leaders want a deeply collegial relationship where there is a high degree of trust, collaboration and friendly relationships. However, a leader is not “one of the boys or girls” even though many leaders try to be that out of their need for popularity or affirmation.

Leaders who want to be the “best friend” of those they lead actually lose much of their leadership capital and it confuses roles. There is a difference between “best friends” and “leader.” The “best friend” role is based solely on relationship and common personal interests and no leader who leads an organization of any size can be best friends with all those they lead. Leadership is based on common agreement to a missional agenda, not that we are all best friends.

Leaders press into issues that are sometimes uncomfortable and need to say things that are defining and keep the team focused on the missional glue that holds them together. To the extent that I as a leader need to be “liked” by those I lead, I will avoid those conversations that would prevent me from being “one of the boys.” This is a reflection on the insecurity of a leader more than anything else – and many ministry leaders are deeply insecure.

Wise leaders actually have a sense of a certain “social distance” that they maintain with those they lead. There are situations where I am “one of the boys” but I am always the leader of those I lead. That is the role that my team needs me to play and wants me to play. They are less interested in whether I am their best friend than they are concerned that I am leading the organization in ways that allow us to accomplish the work God has called us to tackle together.

Leaders are neither simply “one of the boys or girls,” nor are they dictators. They develop highly collegial, missionally minded team where the strongest glue is the common ministry they are committed to. But they play the role they are called to play – that of leading the team and keeping the team focused. They do not allow their personal insecurities to cause them to default from leadership to merely friendship. The two are not one and the same!

Congregational diversity

There is a wonderful picture of worship in the book of Revelation that gives us a snapshot of what heaven will be like. "I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the lamb" (Revelation 7:9).

Many of us who have travelled internationally have tasted the joy of worshipping with those from other cultures and have experienced the common bond that we have in Christ.

But what about our own communities? Are we as passionate in worshipping with and welcoming the various ethnic and socio-economic groups who live in our own neighborhoods? And if you wonder who is actually in your community all you need to do is visit the nearest McDonald's or Wall Mart and one often realizes that there is greater diversity than we thought.

I am thankful that there are a growing number of congregations committed to ministering to all who are in their communities. They are intentionally embracing all whom God has put on their doorsteps and as the neighborhood changes, rather than leaving the neighborhood they are changing their ministries to minister to the changing demographics.

These congregations have embraced a deeply Biblical value: All people matter to God and in Jesus the barriers between peoples, races, ethnic groups and socio economic stratas can be torn down as He builds one people whose common bond is that they are followers of Christ.

This is not an easy process or the easy route for any church. When we start to diversify our ministries we must also start to share decision making, listen to viewpoints very different than ours and learn to appreciate worship different than what we are used to. It takes great humility to embrace people who are different than us and to honor their culture and perspectives.

And, the evil one will attack! He is not interested in unity. He is not interested in the supernatural power of God to bring people together and he will do all he can to sow seeds of misunderstanding, doubt and division. Congregations that embrace "all people" find themselves on the front lines of spiritual warfare and need a robust plan for protection!

I love to worship at the international church in Beijing where one worships with people from every continent in the world. How much better to worship with those God has placed in my own community - embracing the wonderful diversity of people and expression and having to grapple with what it means to be one people in Jesus Christ. A fortaste of that heavenly picture.

Change resistance in the church: It can be chronological age but it can also be related to how long one has been in the church

Pastors often assume that change resistance in a local congregation is a matter of chronological age: those who are older are more change resistant. This is not always true. Some of the most progressive change advocates are older - more a matter of outlook and wiring than it is age. 

There is another age to consider, however. It is the age of a church and how long one has attended. It is not unusual for younger adults who have grown up in a church to be the ones who resist change because it messes with the church they knew in Junior and senor high and their entire experience there.

Ironically in one church I attended, the two most change resistant folks to the point of all out warfare was a gal in her forties who had grown up in the church and her father in law who had helped start the church years before. In both cases the resistance came from individuals who didn't want anyone messing with "their" church but age had little or nothing to do with their positions. The age of the church did and their longevity in the church did.

In charting a change course it is critical to pay attention to the concerns and potential responses of even younger generations who have grown up in the congregation - especially those who have influence like the young lady above who was a power broker in the church. It is often how long someone has been in the congregation that make more difference than their chronological age.

Getting the facts before we make assumptions

I am constantly amazed and saddened at how often believers rupture relationships with other believers because they have made assumptions - often deeply faulty - about motives or actions. In the process, people are hurt, God's reputation is compromised, His mission is thwarted and ultimately the evil one wins which is just what he wants to do. If the evil one can sow seeds of doubt and destruction between fellow believers he will - and he does. How we respond to those seeds of doubt and relational destruction is our choice and it often has eternal consequences.

Before relationships are irretrievably disrupted there are some questions we need to ask.

One, do I have my facts right? How often do we hear something about someone else that is derogatory. Wise individuals know that second hand information is often faulty information. They also know that there are two or more sides to every story. Before we draw our own conclusions we ought to consider the real possibility that there is more to the situation than what we know and either hold our own counsel or if necessary verify the information we have received before drawing conclusions. 

In many cases we don't even rely on second hand information but our own assumptions regarding an action or situation and have never simply picked up the phone for a conversation with the one we are making assumptions about. Not only is it foolish to do so but it is deeply unfair to the one who is the target of our negative perceptions who may be and often is fully innocent of the assumptions we have made.

Two, is there another explanation for what I have heard, seen or observed? Over the years I have discovered that most of the time when I have chosen to draw negative conclusions about a person or situation I discover that my assumptions about motives or actions were not correct and that there was a reasonable explanation for what had taken place that made sense - when I asked. Each time I am stung by the realization of how quickly it is for us to jump to the wrong conclusion - perhaps the result of our own sinful nature and our tendency to see the worst in others rather than the best.

Three, have I talked with the individual myself to discover whether there is a way to resolve the issue at hand? It is amazing what honest conversation, dialogue and questions can resolve that otherwise would have been left on the scrapheap of severed relationships. It is often helpful to involve a neutral third party who can help those who have taken sides hear one another and to clarify issues, assumptions, actions and possible solutions. A simple conversation can quickly solve many badly made assumptions.

I recently heard of a situation where a group was talking about an individual who they seemed unanimously unhappy with. Not one of them, however, had made the effort to talk to the one they were talking about. Thus they were left with their own assumptions which may or may not have been correct but one conversation could have given them some good information.

Four, have I contributed in any way to the relationship that has gone south? Often, we choose not to resolve issues because it means that we ourselves must admit that we bear responsibility. It is far easier to save face and paint the picture that we have been aggrieved than to admit to ourselves and others that we also have been wrong. That takes Godly humility and honesty.

Paul makes it clear that there is a battle being fought out of our sight: "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12). 

I am convinced that one of the foremost strategies of the evil one is to cause relational ruptures between His people in order to hurt Kingdom advancement. There may be times when such ruptures are unavoidable (we live in a fallen world) but I don't want to be an unwitting pawn in Satan's hands because I have not been shrewd about his tactics and asked the right questions.

Best friends or colleagues

A good friend of mine whom I hired a decade ago to serve as the director of a ministry I had started confided to me his excitement when he came to our organization that "we would do life together." The reality was that as he gave more of his time to this ministry, I gave less of my time to it and ultimately handed it over completely. While he is satisfied with his role and has built his own team, he was initially disappointed that 'we' did not remain 'we' as the ministry grew.

All of us have social and emotional needs that need to be met. The deepest of these will be met with family and friends. Some may be met by those we serve with but it is not a given. Our role on a team is a 'functional' one designed to achieve a specific mission. We may or may not be with our team long term.

The team may change. Our responsibilities may change. Teams are not designed to meet our primary social and emotional needs and if we try to make them do so we will be disappointed when our needs are not met or when roles change.

When individuals see team as primarily about friendship it makes it difficult for them to be honest with co-workers about issues that need to be addressed. We don't want candor to interfere with friendship.

I love working with the senior team I am on which was forged years ago. We have been through incredible times together, endured many great highs and more than a few low lows. We know each other exceedingly well, protect each other, love to be with each other and are committed to one another. We have seen one another through individual challenges, have prayed for family situations, and have sharpened each other to become better people and leaders. I cannot imagine a better team.

But: each of us understands that we are ultimately together because of the mission we serve of "Glorifying God by multiplying transformational churches among all people." Each of us has our own set of friends outside of work that meet our personal, social and emotional needs. Seldom do we socialize outside of work. We are deeply fortunate to work with people we love, respect, know, trust and value. However, we understand that our team is not built on our emotional or social needs but on the mission that we serve together. This is a critical distinction of a healthy team.

Who gets the praise?

To be a good leader one must intentionally take on a servant role and prioritize the health and results of the team, not the status or power of the leader. Commitment to team means that we no longer take credit but give credit away for accomplishments to those on the team. We intentionally platform and hold up team members, allowing our influence to flow through them so they have the moral authority to do what they must do in the organization.

One of the tests of leadership is whether a leader needs the spotlight, adulation, praise or credit for the results of the team's work. Great leaders point all of this toward the team because it was the team that accomplished the work. Insecure or narcissist leaders require that they be the center, essentially stealing credit from those who were actually responsible. And don't be fooled, people notice, especially the team who made it happen.

Power, status, spotlight and praise are a deadly aphrodisiac for unhealthy leaders who think it is all about them. They are often charismatic and visionary but they are seldom able to build a strong, unified, results- oriented team because ultimately, it is always about them. Eventually they implode, causing pain for those around them. Unfortunately too many of these addicts find their way into ministry: stay away from them. When it comes apart it is ugly.

Every organization has levels and lines of authority. In healthy teams, however, there is an egalitarian ethos where the leader is a coach and a cheerleader for the team - and all sit at the table as peers with the ability to make an equal contribution. After all, this is NOT about the leader. It is about team that, when working together, can see results that are a quantum leap from what any one individual could produce. Leaders who dominate meetings don't get it and send the message that the team is about 'me' not 'us.'

The job of the team leader is to ensure the success of others, to empower them to do what they can do better than them, to be their coach and cheerleader, and to allow them to see the fruits of their work. When praise comes to the leader, it is wisdom to hold up others because they are responsible for the vast majority of good things that happen. Status and power are not important to good leaders: influence and results are. Good leaders give others praise for successes and take personal responsibilty for failures.

Self disclosure

You see them on television, calmly smoking cigars, wearing sunglasses as they play for high stakes in poker tournaments. The one thing that is true for all of them is that you cannot tell what they are thinking. There they are, stoic, hiding their emotions and their intentions. Which is why we call people who hold their cards close to their vest good poker players. Many of us can do it well if we choose.

There is a place and a time for keeping our cards close to our vest. But, people with good emotional intelligence, especially leaders do that only rarely. The truth is that it is very frustrating to work for someone or with someone who does not disclose what they are thinking and in appropriate ways, what they are feeling.

One of the key elements of emotional intelligence is that of being self disclosing. That is, being up front and clear as to what we are thinking so that others know where we are coming from, what our expectations are, where we are going, and what our intentions are.

The poker player mentality is that of secrecy and non-self disclosure. If you know someone like that or report to someone like that you know how frustrating that is. It is frustrating and it is unfair to others because it does not allow for honest and transparent dialogue or give others the information they need to work with or for someone who does not disclose their thoughts, emotions or intentions.

This does not come naturally to everyone but it can be learned. If you wonder how well you do on that score, ask those around you if you give them the kind of feedback and information you need as to what you are thinking or intending. And then be intentional in expressing your opinions, thoughts, observations and intentions. In the vast majority of cases, clear self disclosure is far better than holding your cards closely.

Self disclosure is closely tied to the ability of others to trust us. If I do not know what someone else is thinking and cannot seem to get that out of them, it will be very hard for me to trust them with responsibility because I don't know what I am working with. Holding your cards closely works well in poker but not in real life.

Who God honors: You might be surprised

We often feel as if our contributions to God's work are insignificant. We are "ordinary" people who don't often have the opportunity to do "extraordinary" things. In fact, I believe that is the feeling of most believers. Yet, as I read the gospels a different picture emerges. A picture of ordinary people not only honored by God but immortalized for all of time as examples of people who please him.

• A woman who gave her last two pennies in the temple.
• A woman who spent all she had and poured oil on Jesus feet to bless him.
• A woman who chose to put aside her busyness and sit at His feet.
• A woman who was sick and came to touch his robe.
• A woman who came to his grave the day of his resurrection.
• A mother who faithfully pondered God's word in her heart.
• Men who let their paralyzed friend down through a roof.
• A woman at he well who believed and told her friends about Jesus.
• A good Samaritan who cared for someone in need.

I could go on. These were by in large simple people who did simple things that pleased the heart of God. Oh, yes, I noticed how many were women. In any other context, these acts would not be noticed, valued or recorded. But in God's kingdom, any movement of any heart toward Him is noticed, valued and even recorded in His eternal records.

As you think about today, remember God honors the little things we do on His behalf: a kind word, a helping hand, a loving gesture, a financial gift, or just sitting for a while with our savior in His presence.

Who does God honor? Those whose hearts are turned toward Him. It is never unnoticed. Even a cup of cold water to parched lips in His name!

The power of focus

Those of us who lead others have a special responsibility to keep those they lead focused on the most important missional activities - those activities and priorities which will help accomplish your mission.

Mission drift often occurs because our attention is diverted from the most important to ancillary issues. Or, because we are too busy with all of the stuff that comes our way - email, phone calls, meetings, problems that need solving - we simply lose focus on what is most important.

The leader of a church of 7,000+ told me not long ago that he realized that their church had been on "auto pilot" for the past year because his attention had been diverted to other things. He owned the issue and again took the helm to lead but it he acknowledged that when he went on auto pilot so did everyone else and significant momentum was lost by the diffusion of purpose.

If leaders do not stay focused those they lead will not either. Because this is often the case, many ministries settle for OK results instead of great results.

Don't get me wrong. It is not that we are not busy. It is that we are so busy that we are not focused on what is most important.

I asked some senior leaders recently how they stay focused on what is most important for their organization. One of them has a white board in their office that reminds him of the most important things he needs to pay attention to. Another said that regular dialogue with a colleague on missional issues was the most helpful to keep him focused. One indicated that he took one day a month to think through his Key Result Areas and remind himself of his priorities.

Staying focused on the big rocks is a challenge even for the most competent leaders because of the incessant demands that divert that focus. What is necessary is developing a strategy to refocus on a regular basis.

Of course this assumes that leaders have clearly defined the priorities of their organization or team and have a clear picture of their priorities and direction.

Imagination

Imagination is a powerful and wonderful gift from a creative God. Lack of imagination is one of the great sins of Christian ministry.

God has a great imagination and sense of humor. If you doubt that, check out these strange animals! You have to wonder if God wasn't just having a lot of fun when he created the dinosaur, the octopus or the blow fish or the caterpillar turned butterfly. Can you tell me why that one? If God had tear ducts, would he have been laughing to tears among himself?
And, then, in making men and woman in His image he passed on the ability to imagine and dream and create new possibilities - but how often do we simply settle for the paradigms that are rather than consider what could be? Failure of imagination is a failure of living out the full potential of God's image in our lives and ministries.

Innovative churches and innovative ministries become that because they take the time to dream and imagine what could be. They ask the question, what could we do differently if we really wanted to catch the attention of people and challenge their thinking? They are like Apple or Google who keep reinventing themselves to catch the attention of consumers - only for ministries, the stakes are much higher.

When we simply settle for how things have always been done, without asking the question, is there a better way, we have shelved our imagination. When we start to dream and imagine what God has in store for us we are living more fully who He made us to be for He is an imaginative and creative God.

In our organization, ReachGlobal, we are praying and believing that God would allow us to influence one hundred million people for the Gospel in the decade that started in 2007. Many would consider that a crazy dream. But, that dream has caused us to think much more creatively about how we do what we do in missions, how we partner, how we multiply our efforts and how we leverage kingdom opportunities.

Without that dream and goal we would have settled for what was instead of asking what could be. It has caused us to bring the best thinking and strategy to the table. It has forced us to be creative and think differently.

What is your dream and are you using all the creative energy God gave to your ministry? Do you take the time to dream and imagine and create new ideas and paradigms? Imagination is a God given gift to be used for His purposes.

Are we focused on what we can control or do we spend too much time worrying about what we cannot control?

There are times and seasons in our lives where we waste a great deal of emotional energy worrying about situations or circumstances that we have no control over. It is a mistake! What we ought to focus on are those things that we can control and do something about and leave the other to God - who is in control of all things.

Here is the irony: While we can spend a great deal of time worrying about things that are beyond our control - or complaining about them - there is nothing we can do about them. At the same time there are so very many things that we can control and do something about.

Try this simple exercise. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left hand side write down all those things that are beyond your control but that you worry about. Then on the right hand side make a list of all the things you can control and actions you can take. The point is that there are many things we can do to affect our lives and that needs to be the focus of our time and energy. 

This exercise can be helpful in our marriages, our jobs and our ministries. Too often our attention is focused on the wrong side of the page. The left hand side of the page is God's business and the right hand side is our business. Focus on that and leave the rest to God - who is in control of all things.

A homeless man, street walker, con guy and Mary Ann's former students

Thirty three years ago November was the first Thanksgiving that Mary Ann and I celebrated as a married couple. We had almost no furniture (although a bunch of books) and a little apartment that we paid $90 dollars a month rent for. We wanted to so something special so a few days before Thanksgiving we went down to Micky's Diner, a fixture in downtown St. Paul and told the waitress that we would be there at noon on Thanksgiving and would take anyone who showed up to our house for a Thanksgiving feast.

We will never forget that dinner. First, it was amazing how much these folks ate! Then there was the transparency about their lives. One of the woman was a streetwalker, another guy lived in a building basement downtown where he would warm his food on a radiator. One guy was obviously casing our house and the others warned us about him (there was nothing to take and I didn't think he would want our books). When we had a short devotional after dinner, the tears rolled down faces as they sang songs they remembered from church as kids.

And then there was the con-man. His mother was in critical condition in Duluth, Minnesota and he had no money to get there. So I offered to buy him a Greyhound ticket. Thinking I was pretty smart, I took him to the station, bought the ticket and decided to wait till he got on the bus (If I was getting conned, he was at least going to Duluth). But I made the mistake of giving him the ticket and when I turned around he was gone! Oh well.

We will never forget that dinner. Or the individuals who joined us. Or the stories they told us. Or the sad circumstances that led to their situations.

Fast forward. Until a few years ago my wife worked as a school nurse in a middle class suburb of St. Paul with a student population of over 2,000 students. Every day she would come home with another story of kids in pain. Unplanned pregnancies, kids who had not eaten in days because their parents were on meth and all the money had gone to feed the addiction, kids who were shuttled from parent to parent, relative to relative, no one wanting them. Kids who were abused. No soap opera can compete with the stories Mary Ann heard.

Once Mary Ann threw a birthday party for a sixteen year old girl. She didn't know what to do. She had never had a birthday party in her life!

The kids called her their second mom! She always had food in her office for kids that were hungry. She would always listen and always tell them the truth. She loved them unconditionally and they know she was in their corner. She took parents to court to resolve issues and negotiated numerous "special plans" to help kids graduate. They loved their second mom!

Here is my point. We do not need to go to Mickey's diner to find hurting people. They are in our neighborhoods, our schools and our communities. Pain has no boundaries except those we erect because we "wall ourselves off" from the realities of our world, feeling much more comfortable in our Christian ghetto - commonly called the church!

Now that I think about it, the homeless guy, streetwalker, con-man and Mary Ann's hurting students sound like the folks Jesus intentionally went out of his way to meet and love. If we open our eyes, they are all around us, hopeless, hurting, alone, sad, and not knowing that there is One who loves them. When we choose to love the hurting - and the unlovable - they experience Christ's love. Messy work that will never leave us unchanged. That is the cool part. When we share the love of Jesus in tangible ways we become changed, we become a little bit more like Jesus. How cool.

Remember it was the pharisees who didn't want to engage the "sinners" of the world. Jesus engaged them all the time. He was hard on the pharisees because they were hypocrites. He was never hard on sinners, wooing them with his love, acceptance, grace and mercy. How are we doing? How is our church doing?

This is how Isaiah put it:
"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter -
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard."

Bold or timid church leadership

As one with leadership gifts, I can think of no arena more exciting to use them in than in the church of Jesus Christ. Amazingly. with all the ensuing challenges, difficulties and problems, Christ has chosen the local church as His means to reach the world with His good news. He has never given up on the church, and we can never give up on the church. Our challenge is to grow in our ability to lead well so that the leadership is a joy rather than a burden, and to lead in ways that allow Christ to fulfill His mission for our congregations in the expansion of His Kingdom.

Because many boards have not grappled with critical leadership issues, they live with a high degree of frustration. But there is hope. Over the past decade, I have watched many frustrated boards become energized, active and even high impact as they have made the choice to lead with greater boldness. This can be true for your board as well.

With many boards, there is a significant fear factor that prevents bold leadership. This is the church, after all. What if our decisions make some unhappy? Some probably will; leadership always gets 'pushback' of some kind. But consider the alternative!

Unfortunately, the local church, in general, is one of the most leaderless institutions in America. We have not learned to lead boldly, and we have paid too little attention to the selection of leaders. We have more fear than courage.  You may take issue with me. However, think about it: Why is it that despite all of our churches, we make so little impact on our communities in terms of the gospel? Satan must rejoice over this general condition. Timid leaders don't threaten him. Bold and healthy leaders keep him highly occupied.

Almost without exception, congregations that are truly making a difference in their community and experiencing real life change within their body are led by a godly, healthy, bold, energized leadership team - pastoral and volunteer. Leadership matters. It matters to God because the quality of our leadership has direct impact on the depth of His disciples and the effectiveness of His mission.

Many of us do not have training in leadership (and seminaries are not stepping up to the plate). This is often true of pastors. Even though much of a pastor's ministry relates to leadership, few have received leadership training or mentoring. The good news is: We can learn to lead! There are few natural-born leaders. Most of us are 'leaders in training' and will always be learning to lead more effectively. As Paul said, if you are going to lead, "govern diligently" (Romans 12:8). Lead Boldly.

A happy man and a happy (well used) book

Tools for dealing with significant criticism

Everyone in leadership faces the challenge of those who are their critics whether for good reasons or not. The question is not whether we will face our critics but how we will respond to our critics and that response makes all the difference to our leadership.

Critics can be our best friends or become our worst enemies and which it is depends ironically not so much on them as it does on us. It often depends on how we react. Often even with the worst critic whose actions are unhelpful and whose bite is painful there is something for us to learn - if nothing else - how to respond to someone who is angry with us.

Job one with an angry, frustrated or critical individual is to de-escalate the situation. Usually angry people are frustrated. Something has punched their button. 

Nothing brings down the level of frustration, anger or conflict like a non-defensive reaction: Something like, "I am really sorry I have caused you that frustration. I would never do so intentionally. Help me understand the issues and what you would suggest if you were in my place." That kind of response immediately takes the wind out of a critics sails, opens up dialogue and asks them for their counsel. It is so rare that it will surprise those who have significant issues with us.

Often times, people want to be heard, to be understood: they do not intend to hurt - even if their criticism hurts. Opening up a dialogue allows that to happen. Asking their counsel, whether you can follow it or not, allows them to be heard. 

Asking the next question, "how can I rectify the situation" allows them to speak into the issue that has caused them angst and allows one to stay in relationship even if one cannot come to a fully satisfactory mutual solution. Most people can live with differences if we can stay in relationship with them. That is why defensive reactions are so deadly - they push people away rather than bring them closer together; from you rather than to you.

Further, explaining one's own self (without being defensive) often allows the other party to understand our heart, our perspective and the reasons behind our actions. If they realize that we are not meaning to cause them angst or hardship they will often soften their tone and attitude.

I personally see criticism and conflict as a challenge: Not to win the day necessarily but to do all that I can to win the person. If I want to win them rather than the argument my approach will be very different - and healthier. You won't win all over but you can increase your chances.

A leadership fable

"Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God which he bought with his own blood. I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them. So be on your guard! Remember that for three years I never stopped warning each of you night and day with tears."
-Paul in his farewell address to the elders of Ephesus, Acts 20

'Pastor Bill' moved to Pennsylvania as the first pastor in a church plant. Soon after, staff members from the larger 'mother' church stopped by for a visit. Before they left, they said, "We're really praying for you."

At first Bill assumed that they were simply praying for ministry success. Soon, though, he began to realize that they knew something he didn't.

Bill noticed that at the leadership board level in the new church, an individual who was one of the founding members seemed to have veto power. He also noted that when decisions were made that "Chris" didn't like, Bill started to hear the board's confidential discussions become common knowledge among Chris' friends in the congregation, a violation of board policy. These friends would then lobby Bill and others to move in a different direction.

Over several years, Bill watched the elder-board meetings become increasingly difficult and sometimes downright ugly, with language and attitudes from several of the members that shocked him. As well, some on the board who had been close supporters began becoming distant and critical as Chris moved in on those relationships Bill could only conclude that his leadership was being undermined behind the scenes, slowly but surely. He came to deeply dread board meetings after becoming a target on numerous issues.

Pastor Bill was in a conundrum. The church was growing rapidly from a group of about 60 to well over 300. Most members had little idea of the pain behind the scenes, but Bill was increasingly discouraged. He began to see Chris as an arsonist who lit fires all over the church but was never around when the firemen came to extinguish them.

At one congregational meeting, after a vote to overwhelmingly support Bill against a group of dissidents headed by Chris, one of those who wanted Bill to leave loudly stated he was going to withdraw all financial support from the church because of its decision. He then stalked out of the auditorium.

Bill started to ask questions of pastors at the mother church and found that Chris had a problematic history there as well. In fact, the pastor had vowed that Chris would never serve in leadership there again. Chris and his friends were no longer even attending Bill's church but continued sowing seeds of discord and dissension among friends and acquaintances still there.

Eventually, Bill and his wife made the painful decision to leave. His board was not ready to place the two main dissidents under discipline, although board members had been strongly encouraged to do so by many from whom they sought counsel. Bill left, discouraged and clinically depressed.

The congregation was increasingly becoming aware of the underlying power issues. In response to Bill's leaving and the lack of resolution to those power plays, more than half of the congregation left after a series of congregational meetings even as Chris returned to the church and reclaimed a leadership role.

A new pastor was called, and he was out of the ministry within a short number of years. A third pastor was called, and he, too, left amid power issues within a short number of years.

Finally, the local bishop intervened on the same issue where the church board had not acted, insisting that Chris could no longer serve in any leadership position in the church. The church had churned up three pastors and left numerous wounded members it its wake. One individual who had watched the destruction observed that this church had hurt more people than it had helped.

How many of us have watched similar situations where leaders have not had the courage to confront toxic, divisive individuals who wound the sheep and divide the bride of Christ? Even those who hide behind a mask of 'spirituality' and 'concern' for the church. One of the primary roles of a shepherd is to protect the flock from harm. David actually fought lions to protect his flock, but we are often unwilling to confront divisive individuals who do as much damage as a lion loose among the sheep!

Those leaders' reluctance to confront was an egregious but common failure. Amazingly, church leaders often allow behavior to flourish that would not be permitted in the secular business workplace.

Conflict will occur in the church, even those with attentive shepherds. So how we handle conflict is important. The scriptural principle (see Matthew 18, 1 Corinthians 5, 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 and Galatians 6:1-2) is to start gently and with prayer in the hope that we can persuade those causing harm to move away from their sin. If this is not successful, we are to apply successive steps of pressure, always seeking resolution and a restoration to fellowship. When all else fails, Scripture calls for the individual to be put out of the body - again, with the hope that this action will cause him or her to turn back to God. All confrontation is to be done in love, accompanied by firmness.

Most people do not like conflict and confrontation (beware of those who do). We live in a day of political correctness, where it is not popular to label behavior as "wrong." We are told that it not right "to judge" others. None of us sign up for leadership to deal with sinful people and ugly situations.

The question is: Do we love God's flock as much as He loves His flock? When we confront false teaching, sinful behavior or division in the body, we are simply acting on His behalf as shepherds of His flock and in obedience to His command in order to protect His sheep for whom He gave His life. Are we willing to put up with momentary discomfort in order to protect people for whom Jesus was willing to die? This is an unwelcome but necessary part of the leadership calling.

SDR: For mature audiences only

OK, I acknowledge up front that a few who read this blog will possibly be distressed by the language. That being said, I will write it anyway.

Every organization should have a rule about bad stuff that happens - and it will. The bad stuff might be an employee who gets into trouble, a stupid decision that leads to unintended consequences or some other "bad news."

The rule is that leaders and supervisors and boards do not like surprises so when bad stuff happens - and it will, they need to be told immediately, no matter how bad the situation is.

In our organization we call it SDR. It is the Sh*t Disclosure Rule. I use SDR intentionally among our staff because it is something they will not forget - since that is not language we normally use.

What I tell them is that I recognize that bad stuff happens. When it does I want to know immediately, not later, not after they have tried to contain it but immediately. I will be more unhappy if I don't hear about it or if it comes later as a surprise. Likewise, if anything bad happens in my division of our organization, I send my boss an SDR email or make a phone call. 

Why do I want to know? Because I don't want a surprise and because I want the option of either myself or another leader helping to manage whatever situation it might be. SDR goes with another embedded rule, "No surprises." No leader likes surprises or wants to hear from others what he or she should have heard firsthand from someone in the chain of supervision.

When the church hurts people

A friend asked recently, do you have a book on Christ's love for the church? She is a pastor's spouse who is feeling deep ambivalence about her husband's ministry having experienced deep pain - inflicted by - yes - churches they have served.

She was looking for some reinforcement that Christ does in fact love His bride because her experience with the bride has been very painful and there are days that her love for the bride borders on something less than love.

It is deeply ironic that all to often the church which is here only because of the pure, unrelenting, grace filled and mercy bathed love of Jesus is a place of pain, hurt, dysfunction and sometimes actual abuse of those who are a part of it. Explaining this away with a casual "we live in a fallen world," while true, is a poor excuse since the body of Christ is a redeemed people who are supposed to look like Christ - exuding like him that pure, unrelenting, grace filled and mercy bathed love toward one another.

In his high priestly prayer of John 17, Jesus prays that those who believe in Him "may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me." "May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me, and have loved them even as you have love me."

Our love and unity, according to Christ is the proof of His divinity. That is what He says. If that is true, then the corollary is also true: our disunity and our lack of love communicates that He is not indeed God. Love and unity in the church breeds faith in those who see it. Lack of love and disunity in the church breed atheism in those who see it. One is proof of His divinity, the other effectively denies his divinity. One reflects Christ and the other denies Christ.

How many churches reflect Christ? How many deny Him?

I have the privilege and opportunity to visit many churches. When I walk into some of them the welcoming, grace filled and loving culture is evident from the time I enter till the time I leave. There is a transparency among people, a felt unity and a highly engaged worship service - which happens when there is unity.

Others are cold, sterile, formal, non-transparent, filled with politics and congregations that are unresponsive when I speak (OK, maybe it is my preaching). Which of these kinds of churches is likely to attract people? Which is likely to be on that causes people pain? It is not hard to figure out.

I am not down on the church. Those that act like the Bride that they are are wonderful communities to be a part of because they reflect the grace, love and relationships of the who died for her. Those that don't act like the bride - they hurt people and they hurt Christ and they give His Bride a bad name.

I wish my friend did not need to find a book on Christ's love for the church. I wish the church so demonstrated His love, mercy, grace and character that it would be enough proof of His divine presence and power.

When it may be time to leave a church

Some would say that church loyalty is one of the greatest values and certainly jumping from church to church is unhealthy. However, there are legitimate reasons to leave a church and look for another. Just remember that there are no perfect churches.

Consider these reasons:

• The church is inward focused and having little or no influence outside of its walls
• There is a legalistic spirit which is anathema to what grace is all about
• You don't feel comfortable bringing unbelieving friends
• The congregation is controlled by one or more church bosses and politics is prevalent
• You have been marginalized by a leader or leaders and don't feel that you can make a positive contribution
• There is a high control factor to keep church members "in line" with the prevailing group think
• The church board is highly dysfunctional and cannot lead the congregation into healthy and productive ministry
• Independent voices are quickly stifled
• You are not hearing the Scriptures lifted up in the messages but rather psychology and self help

There are no perfect churches but there are churches that see far more Gospel fruit and changed lives than others. With the short time we have we want to make the most impact for Jesus that we can. If that means changing churches it is an OK thing. I have done it for some of these very reasons. 

Congregations, especially dysfunctional ones make it hard for one to leave. They may use guilt and pressure of various kinds to keep one connected. Many take it personally when someone leaves a church. Remember, though that the church we attend is a choice we make and when the choice is taken from us we are no longer in a healthy place. Friendships do not need to go away because we don't attend the same church. If they do, they were superficial friendships in the first place. We will spend eternity together. Sometimes we need to change our location on this side of eternity!