The world of me - a growing epidemic in society and among believers

The world of me - life is about me, I am entitled, others should pay attention to me and I have a right to be unsatisfied, unhappy and even angry when things don't go my way is an increasing disease in our western society. And it afflicts believers as much as non-believers which is very troubling since for Christ followers, life is never about us but always about Jesus. It is what Jesus was getting at when He spoke of taking up our cross and following Him. Life was never about us. It was always about Him.

Let me make this very personal. Think of all the conflict in local churches because everyone wants their own way and their preferences become the non-negotiables. And if our church does not satisfy us, we just leave and go elsewhere. Think of pastors who create conflict in their congregation because they are the leader and they want their way. In fact they are entitled to it and are committed to getting it no matter what. This is about the world of me!

Think of friendships easily broken because someone disagreed with us. It is OK if the world is about me! Or, co-workers who must get their way and when it doesn't happen, become difficult and passive aggressive, and will not do the hard work of understanding one another, a non value if the world is about me.

For those who blame others for their issues, who take the credit instead of giving it away, who talk more than they listen and are defensive when challenged, there is a reason. The world is about me. 

We often cater to this thinking when our preaching is about what God can do for us to the exclusion of what we are called to be - followers of Jesus in our hearts, minds, priorities and relationships. If we are not careful, God can become just another distributor of blessings to keep me happy rather than my Lord and Savior who blesses wondrously but also calls us to radical followership. 

There are over 70,000 books on Amazon about "me." It begs the question for each of us as to who life is about in our own lives. And, whether we have been more acculturated by society than by Scripture and its Author. To the extent that life is about us, we miss the fact that the center of our lives is Jesus Himself. True fulfillment and joy comes not from a preoccupation with us but a devotion to Him.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Teaching our sons to be better fathers

Peter Morris
Guest blogger and Christ follower
Op-ed, Washington Post

We need to teach our sons to be better fathers. Here’s how.

Thank you for those who prayed for my surgery

It is Friday morning and I expect to be discharged shortly. I deeply appreciate those who prayed for my bariatric surgery. The procedure was on Tuesday. Wednesday was a tough day but by Thursday I was off of pain medication, walking regularly and eating my special diet (for now). Today I feel strong, am virtually pain free and looking forward to my leather chair, a good book and time with my bride, Mary Ann, at home.

Last night I got a great night of sleep, the first since surgery. The previous night they had been checking my blood sugars every half hour which made sleep nearly impossible. Interestingly, my need for insulin is already almost nil which is amazing. I may be off of insulin within weeks.

I am blessed to have so many friends who took the time to pray. Thank you so much. I look forward to being back to robust health soon. By tomorrow, the blog should be up and running as usual.

God also blessed me with great doctors and medical staff and I was able to share some of my books with them. The first evening on the unit I had a great friend of Mary Ann who provided exceptional care which was a great blessing. Several other of my staff members have been believers. All of them have been professional and helpful.

We are praying that this will put  cap on seven years of health issues that started in December 2007. All of us are ready to put this chapter to rest, thankful for what God has done but ready for a new chapter of life and health. Thank you for praying toward that end.

One map says a great deal about the growth rate of Evangelical Christianity globally

Check out this map on the Growth Rate of Evangelical Christianity globally

A world filled with fear and a heart filled with peace

The acceleration of fear in our world has been rapid: Ebola, ISIS, shootings, terrorism, beheadings, conflict, chemical weapons, have all become the stuff of 24 hour news cycles and indeed are cause for major concern. Many are feeling that there is an increased level of chaos in our world and it is hard to dispute that. And it is magnified by the ability to report from any corner of the world so the accumulated fear factor has a magnified affect. 

Contrast this with the words of Jesus in John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” And then as Jesus was getting ready to leave and return to heaven he told the disciples, "Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you John 20:23).” One of the great benedictions of Paul is found in Romans 15:13, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

There is no question that we live in an uncertain and chaotic world. But as Jesus followers we are called to live with peaceful rather than fearful hearts because - we have the peace of Christ - and the person of Christ in every place and circumstance of our lives. Watch the news and the fear grows. Spend time with Jesus and His peace grows. 

There is no need to fear the world or live in fear - none - if we understand that Jesus brings peace to our hearts. It is the peace that comes with His promises and His presence. Yes, said Jesus you will have trouble in this world but take heart, I have overcome the world. Peace I leave with you. Live in His peace today.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

I would appreciate your prayers

This blog is very personal. Some of you know that on December 4, 2007 I went to the hospital with a very serious condition that should have taken my life. In the aftermath of that 45 day stay (31 days in the ICU and most of those in a coma) I struggled to get back to full health. A year later I had another similar stay in an ICU in Thailand and then a third stay in an ICU in Montana this summer. 

After my first long stay, I put on a fair amount of weight which my doctor says is a life threatening condition because of my propensity for lung issues and three episodes of pulmonary failure. Thus this coming Tuesday I will have bariatric surgery to resolve the weight issue (hopefully my insulin dependency) and get back to full health.

I would covet your prayers for successful surgery and a quick recovery. I would love to be back in a position of robust health for the work I do domestically and internationally. I thank you in advance for your prayers.

For those who would like updates you may access those at this blog address which was used for all three previous hospital stays: www.reachTJ.com

"Life is the most irreplaceable and fundamental condition of the human experience"

Joni Eareckson Tada to Brittany Maynard: God alone chooses the

day you die, not you

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Don't wait for a funeral to say what you really want to say

Today I did a short video for a friend who is receiving an award and recognition for his life work to this point. It was a privilege to communicate just a bit of the huge respect and love I have for him. He is a man of integrity, love for Jesus, great compassion, and he lives to please his Lord Jesus.

It reminded me of something important. We all know people whom we love and admire and respect. It is a shame that we do not tell them of our love and admiration more often. What an encouragement it would be to share our observations and feelings. The apostle Paul did this all the time in his letters. He acknowledged people for their work and expressed his love. He called out individuals by name and told them why he did so. 

Our world is full of discouragement. We can bring huge encouragement to those around us by simply acknowledging the good and faithfulness we see. If Jesus was not shy about showing His love and appreciation for those who followed Him, we should not be shy in showing our appreciation for those who have followed Him well and who we deeply appreciate.

To the one for whom I recorded the video I say this: You are a friend, a brother and a great example to many of what it means to follow Jesus. Who can you say that about and will you tell them?

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Some reflections on the Mars Hill situation

Those who read this blog regularly know that I am an advocate for healthy pastors, elders and churches. You also know that I regularly explore issues of dishealth because they impact others in a significant way. Like many, I have watched the situation in Seattle with Mars Hill Church and have some reflections on a number of issues it raises.

Reflection: Never give senior leaders a pass on behaviors that are unacceptable. I have seen this way too often. Boards often ignore behaviors in their senior leader either because he is getting things done or because he is "God's man" and we should not challenge him. Do we not get the fact that the qualifications for leaders are actually higher than for the rest of the church? If that is so, leaders are held to a higher standard than others yet we often give them a pass because we don't want to challenge them. Lets just say - there is no excuse for bad behavior toward others on the part of senior pastors. 

Reflection: Pay attention to trends and patterns. I worked with a church where a long string of people had been fired or let go as at Mars Hill. Yet the board had never challenged the pastor on why it had happened, nor had they done exit interviews on the circumstances that surrounded the staff who left. One may give leaders the benefit of the doubt but where there is a troubling pattern over time, good leaders must wake up and take notice. When I interviewed staff who had left from the church I mentioned, I heard horrified stories of abuse by a senior pastor. Yet the board had not paid attention to a pattern that should have given them great pause. (See my blog, When the bodies pile up).

Reflection: Bad behaviors when not addressed will spill over into the congregation. It would appear that Mars Hill leaders tried to keep the behaviors of their senior leader private. This led to severance agreements tied to non-disclosure legal documents. Rather than addressing the issues it would appear that they tried to hide the issues. Then when it started to go public in social media they seemed to blame those who made the allegations public. Think about this: If you don't listen to people who have been hurt and try to shut them up the issues will spill out because people have a sense of justice. In my personal view, the only reason that this went public in Seattle was that church leaders did not listen to those impacted by their senior leader, take them seriously or deal with the real issue. (See my blog, Eight dysfunctions of church governance boards)

Reflection: Sad as it is, some pastors are bullies and their agenda gets in the way of their treatment of people. One of the most read blogs on my site is entitled Abuse in the Church - When the Pastor is the bully. What is interesting to me is that this blog post gets consistent hits with a current count of well over 3,000. I can see the blogs being read in my analytics and it always makes me sad to see this one being read. Yet just today I received word of another situation that would indicate an unhealthy pastor who is acting like a bully. My question: Why do those around him allow him to get away with such behavior?

Reflection: Bad behavior on the part of senior leaders hurts the reputation of Jesus. Unhealthy leaders give those around them grounds to become cynical of the church. After all, when people are hurt, marginalized, mistreated, inappropriately treated or fired by the very people who are charged to be their shepherd - and are undershepherds of Jesus, what would one expect? Sometimes the very pastors that are trying to make their ministry accessible to unbelievers are the ones who sabotage those efforts by their own behavior. When public behavior is different than private behavior there is an obvious character flaw that must be addressed.

Reflection: When issues like these are not addressed in a timely fashion they hurt the bride of Jesus. We are watching Mars Hill let staff go, close venues, cut budgets and struggle to deal with the aftermath of the issues that have surrounded their former senior leader. They will be a wounded body for a long time to come and I lay the blame on the senior leader and church leaders who could have and should have done something about it a long time ago. All I can say is that it is very sad and a lot of innocent folks will be caught in the middle. 

The drama at Mars Hill is sad. We need to reflect on the lessons we can learn from their situation and ensure that it does not ever happen in ours. 

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

Words that should strike fear in every Christian leader

There are two statements of Jesus that ought to strike fear in every Christian leader. They are these: "Apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5), and "Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me" (John 15:4). The reason those are frightening words is that we are so used to doing things with the latest strategies, our fine education and great resources (in the west) and it is very easy to forget that eternal results only come from connection with the eternal God. That is the other side of the equation, "If a man remains in me and I in Him, he will bear much fruit" (John 15:5). The key is the closeness of our connection with Him.

What keeps Christian leaders from staying intimately connected with Jesus and dependent on Him in their ministries? I would suggest four common reasons:

• Pride. We simply think that we can do great things by ourselves because we have an inflated view of our own abilities and we chase our agendas over God's agendas - of course with the appropriate spiritual language to give it legitimacy.
• Busyness. We are too busy doing His work to really spend much time with Him. We begin to think that He will bless simply because we serving Him.
• Resources. We have the training, education, money and personnel to get things done so we simply go for it.
• Forgetfulness. We forget that the key to everything we do is our connection to Him.

We can indeed to much without God's help but we cannot do anything of eternal value without it. Fruit comes from Him alone and that is all about remaining in Him, in which case we will bear "much fruit." Ironically it is in doing less and abiding in Him that we actually see more because He is the the one who produces the fruit.

All of us would do well to regularly read and meditate on John 15. How are we doing in staying connected to the vine? How are we doing in "remaining in Him?" It is the leadership essential that we talk too little about as it is central to our success. 

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 discount on orders of ten or more.

The Kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed...

Guest Blog from Paul J Murphy

" Paul, bring a sermon with you to Uganda because the church will ask you to preach." I dutifully printed and packed one of my recent sermons and headed for Uganda. But, after being in Uganda for 4 days I realized the sermon I had packed was best left unused. So with a blank piece of paper, and a pen I sat down and reflected on what I had been seeing, hearing, and experiencing while in Uganda. And a sermon flowed. It spoke to the Ugandans, and it spoke to me.

"the Kingdom of Heaven is like a mustard seed planted in a field. It is the smallest of all  seeds, but it becomes the largest of garden plants and grows into a tree where birds can come and find shelter in its branches."   (Matthew 13:31-32)

Turn on the news, browse any news source and power struggles are the way of the world. This month it is Ebola and civil or sectarian wars in Syria and parts of the Middle East. Still wrenching from power struggles are Egypt, Iraq, Afghanistan, Somalia, South Sudan, Central African Republic, Congo, Thailand, Ukraine and Russia. and the list goes on and on...and on. Control through power - military, money, or political power is the world's way. The distortion of the golden rule is too often how things work - "the one with the gold makes the rules". Even here in our own country, money is often the driving influencer behind politics.

Jesus had no army (who would have felt alarmed if told "the disciples are invading!"). Jesus had no financial clout nor any political position or party affiliation. Yet 2,000 years after His death, Christianity is global and growing!

 "The Kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed".......

Nearly 20 years ago, 4 men in rural Uganda climbed onto their very used bicycles and began pedaling. They biked over 40 miles each way on dirt roads with ruts and potholes. They were biking to speak with a church planter evangelist named Patrick to ask if he would help plant a church in their rural area of Palisa, Uganda. Patrick agreed. Now, 18 years later, there are 35 churches in the Palisa region, which have sprung up from that one church plant - all of which came about due to the seed faith of 4 men who biked over 40 miles. They had no money...no army...no political clout. Just bikes and a love for The Lord.

 "The Kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed".......

Remember the Lord's Prayer..."Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth". How does the Kingdom come? What are we saying when we pray for that?

Jesus did not need an army, or money, or political "power" because the territory He seeks to conquer is the hearts and lives of people. The Kingdom is an inside-out movement. Money, military might, or political power cannot change a heart, nor can they create a voluntary surrender of heart loyalty. 

Hearts are softened and conquered by serving love. Look in Philippians chapter 2. Paul urges them to "be one in spirit and purpose" (2:2). He means being "others" instead of merely "self" focused (2:3-4). Jesus is the example (Philippians 2:5-8). Jesus did not cling to His status and position....Jesus emptied Himself becoming a "servant" of others (of 'sinners', not churchgoers)....Jesus suffered in love even to the point of a cruel and unfair death on a cross. All of that was for others. Jesus' way of extending the Kingdom was by serving others in love, even suffering in love. That is the polar opposite of how our world thinks about winning and ruling!

Yet, God honors humble, serving in love of others (see Philippians 2:9-12). And as followed of Jesus, we are to follow His lead (that is Paul's point in Philippians 2:12-16). Paul himself is a model of serving love (2:17-18) "even if my life is being poured out" for you... "I am glad and rejoice".  His life "poured out" in loving service of others. Just like Jesus.

 "The Kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed".......

Here is the point - you and I are like seed. At work, you are the seed. At home, you are the seed. In our neighborhoods, and schools, we are the seed. Even with opponents and enemies, we are the seed of the kingdom.

As we serve others, by pouring ourselves out for them in love we stand out as strikingly different from how the world works. We fulfill Jesus command "if you love one another as I have loved you, the whole world will know you are My disciples." Love, suffering love for others is the fingerprint of Jesus. It is what touches, moves, and brings about heart surrender in others.

·         Where has God placed you as the tiny seed He intends to use?

·         Do you have the attitude of Jesus of serving others in love or are we trying to exercise power over people?

·         Who are you, or can you serve in the love of Jesus?

 "The Kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed".......

Paul J. Murphy,  PROGRESS & JOY

www.progressandjoy.net

Paul Murphy has served 33 years as a pastor, encompassing two permanent senior pastorates and 13 intentional interim pastorates in “turnaround” situations --  churches going through crisis or transition.  Paul has served churches of varying sizes, denominations and demographics. He has also experience as an executive in the faith-based non-profit world. Paul’s heart is to see the church BE the body of Christ to a needy, lost world.

Paul founded his own nonprofit, called PROGRESS and JOY – taken from Philippians 1:25. Its focus is renewing churches, developing leaders here in the US and overseas in Haiti and Uganda.   Paul has worked with multiple denominations as well as consulting with urban, ethnic, and immigrant faith-based groups. His specialties are change management and leader development. He works with leaders through individual one-to-one coaching and group trainings called Servant Leader Boot Camp. He works with churches and ministries through conflict mediation and a participatory vision process called Church Check-Up. He is ordained with the Evangelical Free Church of America.

Paul and his wife Liz are both native Californians. They met in college and have been married for 37 years. They have 3 adult children and 1 grand-daughter. Paul and Liz live in the suburbs of the Twin Cities of Minneapolis, St Paul.

Pay attention to the EQ of those we interact with and save yourself great frustration

Think about the most problematic people you have dealt with and then consider the energy, time and frustration you experienced in trying to negotiate the relationship. Chances are good that you were dealing with individuals who had significant EQ deficits. Too often in these cases we deal with them as if they were rational, normal and reasonable individuals and we constantly hit the wall of frustration.

I am not suggesting they are "bad" people. I am suggesting that one needs to take the EQ of others into account in how we interact with them. Take for instance an individual who constantly brings up issues that they endlessly debate but they never seem able to come to resolution and put it to rest. Why get drawn into a conversation that never gets resolved? You are dealing with someone who is unable to resolve issues and their need to endlessly discuss them does not mean that we need to discuss them.

Here is a principle to keep in mind. The more frustration one experiences in dealing with another, the greater the likelihood that we need to reassess how we interact with them. And often, limit our interaction. Unhealthy individuals seek to draw others into their dishealth because that is where they are comfortable. Healthy individuals see this for what it is and refuse to get pulled in. Often the only way to do that is to limit one's exposure to those individuals and not get pulled into debates. I for one will not waste my time and energy trying to reason with unhealthy individuals. They are not open to reason.

That last statement is an important indicator of emotional health. You can have a productive conversation with a reasonable individual. Conversations with unreasonable people never seem to get anywhere. So why get pulled in? 

One can save themselves a lot of frustration by simply paying attention to the emotional health of those we interact with and modify our own interaction accordingly.

What is on your bucket list?

I suspect for frequent international travelers something like this may well be on the bucket list.

What It's like to Fly the $23,000 Singapore Airlines Suites Class

One of the most important attributes of leaders

One of the most important attributes of leaders is flexibility. I am not talking the physical kind but the flexibility to adjust their preferred plans in order to meet the needs of those they lead. Some things are not negotiable but there are far more things that are negotiable than most leaders recognize. 

In my upcoming book, Deep Influence, I write this about leaders and flexibility: 

"Leaders with high EQ are both self-defined and flexible. Their self-definition becomes a compass directionally, but within that direction they are highly flexible. For some, leadership is telling others what they will do and getting his way. For healthy leaders, the direction setting process includes other key stakeholders, leaving flexibility for them to choose strategies that will take the organization that direction.

In most situations where leaders are inflexible and need to get their own way, the inflexibility is not worth the effort it requires or the problems it causes. God’s design of church leadership as a team is based on the value of the counsel of multiple wise leaders. 

Many of the conflicts in which leaders find themselves are a direct result of either poor self-definition or inflexibility to negotiate a common course of action. The leader who is self-defined while also engaged in healthy relational dialogue is a master at flexibly helping other good people come to a common strategy that allows the ministry to move in the preferred direction. Black-and-white individuals tend to polarize rather than bring people together."

I encounter too many leaders whose inflexibility creates conflict which hurts their leadership and the organizations they lead. Ironically flexibility in how we achieve our ends gets us further and faster than inflexibility and the need to get our way! 

Flexibility also communicates that we are in this together and is is about us rather than me. Inflexible leaders irritate the very people they lead while flexible leaders are seen as reasonable and team players. Flexibility is also about humility. Pride says I need to get my way. Humility says I will work with others to achieve the ends but I am flexible in the way we get there. One polarizes and the other unites.

My new book, Deep Influence: Unseen Practices That Will Revolutionize Your Leadership, is now available for pre-order on Amazon.

The questions we don't ask enough

The Questions We Don’t Ask Enough

Lord have mercy!

For my sin and brokenness

Lord Have Mercy
For my pride and self sufficiency
Lord Have Mercy
For my neglect of You
Lord Have Mercy
For the horrors in the Middle East

Lord Have Mercy

For those who are victims of Ebola and fear

Lord Have Mercy

For those who suffer serious illness

Lord Have Mercy

For the divide in our country

Lord Have Mercy

For the marginalized and broken

Lord Have Mercy

For Christians under persecution

Lord Have Mercy

For those who suffer unjustly

Lord Have Mercy

For the brokenhearted

Lord Have Mercy

It is an ancient phrase found in the Psalms.

We need it daily more than ever.

Take a moment and listen to this wonderful song

and ask the Lord for Mercy where you need it today.

Lord Have Mercy

A cogent response to the Supreme Court's refusal to get in the way of Gay marriage

See this short article in MOOR to the POINT

Same-Sex Marriage and the Supreme Court: What Now for the Church?

Honoring the past while building for the future in the local church

I have a bone to pick with two groups in the local church. The first is with those who are so intent on preserving the past that they do not allow the church to move forward into the future. It is a recipe for a slow death and a slide into irrelevance. In fact, a focus on the past is one of the hallmarks of an institutional church that is inward looking and protective of anything that threatens the status quo. The past is the past and is not the path to the future.

The second is bone to pick is with those in the church (often pastors and leaders) who exclusively focus on the future to the marginalization of the past. Here are leaders who in their drive to be relevant to the next generation focus all energies and programming to the next generation at the expense of those who have come before - think older than 55. Just as the first group marginalizes the next generation, this group marginalizes the prior generation and have an attitude of, be flexible, get with it or find another place to worship.

Neither option is balanced and both marginalize people that God loves and are important to Him. 

I believe that we ought to honor the past while building for the future. Honoring the past means that we listen to the older generations who built the church, listen to their perspectives, seek to meet their needs and actively work to engage them in mentoring and coaching the younger generations. Because they are not the future does not mean they are no longer relevant and all of us find ourselves in that category sooner than later as we age.

Building for the future is absolutely critical as our challenge in the church is always to reach the next generation. That will mean that our ministry needs to be relevant to those upcoming generations. But, not to the marginalization of those who have come before. It saddens me when in our pragmatic culture we are willing to marginalize whole segments of our churches because they don't meet our targeted audience. I just cannot see Jesus doing that.

I talk to many seniors in local congregations who feel marginalized and unimportant to the ministry of the church. And I am not talking about selfish people. They simply wish the church cared about all people rather than some people. They want the next generation reached for Jesus but also want to be valued and engaged. It is all about honoring the past while building for the future.

My new book, Deep Influence: Unseen Practices That Will Revolutionize Your Leadership, is now available for pre-order on Amazon.

Leaders who are too busy to listen

There is often a conflict for leaders between their schedules, the maintenance of key relationships and having enough time to stop and carefully listen to those they interact with. The ability to listen and evaluate what is being shared is very different from listening on the run and not having the time to consider what was heard. And it is a common problem for leaders with out of control schedules.

Many individuals who talk to leaders feel that they were not heard and many are right. They were heard on the fly and what was shared was not truly considered because their leader was preoccupied with other issues and already moving on to the next thing as the conversation took place. 

The problem with this is twofold. First, good ideas and counsel can easily be missed or marginalized because a leader does not have the time to stop, listen and evaluate. Second, leadership depends on influence and influence comes from relationship. Leaders who do not listen well usually also don't keep key relationships and eventually lose influence. 

The question is not whether I "hear" those who talk to me but whether I have the time and energy to truly be present in the conversation and then the time to evaluate what was shared. Many leaders miss key information and commit significant blunders because they did not take the time to truly listen and evaluate. Their busyness comes back to bite them.

We will interact with many people today. Will we truly be present with them in those interactions and will we take the ideas, suggestions and concerns seriously because we stopped to think about it? It is both good leadership and respect for those we interact with.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Do you long for more? I highly recommend this book on the Holy Spirit

Jesus once offered an amazing promise: “How much more will your Father in Heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!” Luke 12:13.  Can you imagine a life in which you experience more of God’s love, more of His peace and power, more of His Presence in any and every circumstance? At one level, I’m sure all of us would say to that, Sign me up!  We long to experience these things in deeper ways in our lives. It is clear from Scripture that God longs for us to experience this as well. Which raises the obvious question: Why don’t we? Why aren’t we experiencing the “more” that Jesus promises?

            We can trot out the usual suspects in answering that question—busyness, distractions, sin. But if we’re honest, we realize that our struggle actually has a much deeper root. The joy, the peace, the power that are promised us in Scripture are all dependent upon our experiencing the Holy Spirit. And quite honestly, we’re not sure what to do with the Holy Spirit.

            We know He’s important. He’s talked about all the time throughout the Bible. We know He lives in every person who has placed their trust in Christ. All those things are fairly well settled in our minds. What we struggle to understand is how we experience Him? What does it look like to lean out the window and experience the Spirit more fully?

From chapter One: MORE: When a Little Bit of the Spirit is Not Enough, Alan Kraft

The biggest favor you can do for your pastor and your church

The biggest favor you can do for your pastor and church is to carefully guard the gate of who gets into church leadership. After 25 years of consulting with churches and church leaders I can fairly say that one of the top reasons that churches experience trouble comes down to one issue. They did not guard the gate and allowed the wrong people into leadership. It is also one of the most frustrating issues that pastors face. If you wonder why churches don't see more ministry results? Often it comes down to leadership in the church - the wrong leaders.

In addition, the larger the church the more critical this is as the leadership ability of leaders needed grows with church growth. Think of how carefully businesses vet those who they put in leadership and then consider how little attention is paid to who we put into church leadership where the stakes are eternal not quarterly. What amazes me is that even in churches where there have been significant issues, leaders still resist rethinking how they choose leaders. Personally I would not serve a church that did not take this seriously because it directly impacts the senior leader, staff and congregation.

Often I hear people say that anyone who is Godly is qualified to serve in church leadership. That is a fantasy! Yes, we all agree Godliness is necessary for church leadership but it is not the only qualification. What about wisdom; discernment; the ability to make hard decisions; the ability to think critically; the ability to think about the future; the ability to evaluate ministry and navigate tough issues? It is often said that the local church is the most complex organization in the world to lead (no other than Peter Drucker) and yet we are so lax in who we let in to lead. Is it any wonder we get ourselves into trouble? I know many wonderful Godly people who do not have the gift of leadership and do not belong in a leadership role. Bad leadership decisions in the church are the result of the wrong people in leadership!

Think about how carefully we choose a senior pastor for our congregations. We look at fit, character, Godliness, gifting, EQ, ability to lead, and many other things. And we mobilize the church to pray through the process. Then think of how little attention we pay to those who the senior pastor must work with and in many ways will either make him successful or not. This is a major disconnect in many churches. A great pastor and a problematic board never works well. Yet we pay attention to the first and little attention to the second. This does not compute! 

Let me ask:

• Does your church have a clear job description and list of qualifications for those who serve in church leadership?
• Do you train those who choose candidates as to what they are looking for?
• Do you train those who are going to serve on your board or do they just show up and have to figure it out themselves?
• How much prayer goes into the selection of church leaders?
• Do you vet for fit, character, godliness, ability to lead, EQ and what the board needs at this time?
• How would you rate the quality of your current board? Could you do better? What do you need to do to guard the gate better.

Bottom line, churches should pay as much attention to whom they put on the board as they do to whom they choose as a pastor. 

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Leading through change: Eight dumb taxes to avoid

All leaders must lead their constituency through change at one time or another. And, those of us who have done so have often learned some hard lessons along the way. Here are some of the lessons I have learned or watched others learn that constitutes dumb tax we don't need to pay.

1. Don't surprise people with big changes. Surprise brings with it fear, anxiety and the feeling that our security has been upended. If there is going to be major change, develop a process to bring people into discussion rather than simply dumping it on them and then trying to explain after. Once surprised, people are unlikely to hear your explanation. Lead into change over time and prepare people for what needs to come rather than surprising them.

2. Don't get so far ahead of people that they balk at following. Change need not be and often should not be all at once. Start with those things that you believe your constituency can understand and will follow you on. Some changes will take time and should be set aside for a day when you feel you will have greater support. This may mean talking to people of influence ahead of time to ascertain whether the changes you are proposing have a likelihood of meeting strong resistance. Go where you can go with the support of people rather than where it is going to face fierce resistance.

3. Determine what coinage you have before you propose major change. All leaders have a bank of good will. You need relationship and trust in order to convince people to go places that are uncomfortable. Moving too quickly may overspend your account which can take a long time to redeposit. Be smart about how much trust and relationship you have as the greater the change the more trust and relationship it requires. Don't overspend your account!

4. In explaining change, don't announce, dialogue. People don't like announcements that rock their world. Most, however will enter into a dialogue with you around strongly held values that if understood can help them move toward doing things differently. A conversation is very different than a pronouncement. The former invites understanding and discussion while the latter says "this is the way it is" and sound very much like an ultimatum - which are rarely helpful.

5. Be willing to be flexible on issues that are not essential. You don't want to die on a sand-hill but on a mountain. If you get major push-back on a non essential element of your preferred future, back off and show people that you are reasonable and can listen. Even leaders don't always get their way and probably shouldn't.

6. Talk to wise people. Don't ignore those who have been around for a while in leading through change. If they are resistant, take note. If you cannot get the key influencers on board with you to help you they will likely hurt you. I am not talking about laggards on the change scale but wise individuals of influence whom one needs to navigate successful change. If they balk, you may want to think about what you are proposing or the timing. 

7. Don't lose people you don't need to lose. It is a truism that some people will get off the bus when there is major change but one can minimize the fallout by paying attention to the principles above. Yes, some may leave but don't give people a good reason to leave - which us usually by not leading change wisely, pushing too fast, not running process, or not identifying one's coinage properly. They more you lose the more potential fallout you have on your hands to deal with.

8.  Never start to think this is my ministry and therefore I can get my agenda. No ministry is ever "my" ministry. It is "our" ministry together under the Lordship of Jesus. Just because I lead it does not mean I always get my way. If I expect others to be flexible and teachable so must I be. When leaders don't show the same flexibility they expect of those they lead, they are bound to get themselves into trouble.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Seven reasons why passing along gossip is so deadly and sinful

Gossip is one of the most devastating problems within many congregations. Think about these seven reasons why passing gossip along is so deadly and then ask if you want to be a target of gossip. If not, don't make others a target either!

• It is usually unverified information and always denigrating to others. Gossip is "idle talk or rumor, especially about personal or private affairs of others" (Wikipedia). Gossip is different than sharing our opinion for it goes to the motivations or actions of others and is generally destructive in nature. Scriptures are clear that gossip is wrong. Gossip includes questioning the motives of others, passing along third party information as fact, and denigrating others. Disagreement or stating our views is not gossip, it is simply defining what we are thinking.

• It is nearly impossible to take back. Even when we recognize that we have done wrong in participating in gossip it has now been passed along to others whom we don't know about and thus it is nearly impossible to take back. Gossip quickly takes on a life of its own.

• It harms another's reputation and they can do nothing about it. The target of gossip hears the rumors of what is being said but they don't know where it is coming from or who has shared it and therefor they cannot do anything about the false information being shared. All those who have been targets of gossip (and I have) know how discouraging it is to have non-truths or half-truths being shared that are harmful to one's reputation without a way to counter that information.

• It is a coward's way of communication. Cowards share information that they do not know to be true from first-hand knowledge to people other than the one they should be talking to if at all. If I have an issue with an individual, or a question about their actions my responsibility is to talk to them, not others about them. With gossip, rather than doing just that we talk to those who we think will agree with us and who will take up our cause. It is cowardly, and slanderous.

• It harms the reputation of Jesus when it takes place within the Christian community which it does all the time. It hurts the reputation of Jesus first because it is bad behavior by those who bear his name. Second, since it is often malicious and untrue, but targeted at other believers it hurts their reputation unfairly and therefor that of Jesus whom they represent. I suspect that Jesus is not happy when His reputation is sullied by His people!

• It continues to spread regardless of its truth. Have you ever heard an urban myth? These are stories started years ago which continue to circulate on the internet like the FCC revoking all Christian radio stations generating thousands of letters to them a year over an issue that it patently false. No matter what they say the letters keep coming. This is the problem with gossip. It continues to spread regardless of its truth for years and even for decades and often becomes  known as "truth" since it has been circulating for so long. 

• When targeted at Christian leaders or ministries it often ends up on the internet which others then take as gospel! Media, whether the internet or email makes it possible for gossip or untruths to spread faster than ever before. Thus things we say or write to others can be spread far and wide making our culpability greater than we ever managed. 

Scripture has a lot to say about slander - something God hates according to Proverbs. Slander is designed to hurt the reputation of others and it is ubiquitous within many Christian circles. At the least it does not reflect the character of our God and at the worst we will one day answer for every word we have spoken, good or bad.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

An urgent appeal from the Supreme Council of the Evangelical Community in Syria and Lebanon

The following urgent appeal comes from the Supreme Council of the Evangelical Community in Syria and Lebanon. This council represents all evangelical movements in these two countries in governmental affairs. I am privileged to count its leader as a personal friend. The urgency of the situation of believers in the Middle East today cannot be overestimated. Please read this carefully and pray for our brothers and sisters whose lives are in danger. You may need to use your zoom feature to read this but please do so. This is a critical situation. I would also urge you to share this with others as they have asked.

Great article on eliminating church confiict

Check out this short article on how to eliminate church conflict. 

What matters most?

I know my leader is unhealthy when...

• They regularly respond with defensiveness or anger when challenged
• They discourage open and honest dialogue where people are free to share their minds in a safe atmosphere
• They threaten those whose opinions are different from theirs
• They tell one person one thing and another person a different thing
• They need to be popular and loved
• They are not fully candid but tend to spin the truth
• They intimidate or threaten staff in order to achieve compliance
• There are many items that are not safe to talk about in their presence
• They care more about themselves than the team they lead
• They take credit for what others do
• They don't work collaboratively
• They display excessive hubris
• They don't listen but rather talk
• They blame others when things don't go well
• There is no staff development
• They don't deal with unhealthy staff who get in the way of others
• They consistently don't remove barriers that need to be removed in order for me to do my job well
• They think they have all the answers
• They are not ethical

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Healthy staff cultures

In my work with churches and Christian organizations I see more unhealthy than healthy staff cultures. I would love to reverse that order. It is truly a gift to work in a healthy environment and can be a curse to work in an unhealthy one. Here are some of the components of a truly healthy staff culture.

1. A leader who is open, humble, non-defensive and collaborative.

2. An environment where robust dialogue is welcomed and encouraged along with unity once decisions have been made.

3. Having the right people in the right seats.

4. High EQ (Emotional Intelligence) among staff members and leaders.

5. Clarity of direction as to where the organization is headed.

6. Having clarity in one's role and the necessary tools to accomplish one's job.

7. A collegial open atmosphere from the leader on down.

8. The ability to speak into things that impact one's job.

9. Candid, honest dialogue and conversation in an atmosphere of respect.

10. High in both empowerment and accountability.

My new book, Deep Influence: Unseen Practices That Will Revolutionize Your Leadership, is now available for pre-order on Amazon.

Gag orders in the church. It is responsible for much toxic staff culture.

It is not unusual for me to hear about gag orders by senior leaders or their Executive pastors, effectively telling elders that they cannot talk to church staff and staff that they cannot talk to elders. Usually it is in the name of policy governance which states that the elders have one employee, and that is the senior leader who can manage his staff as he pleases. This is both a misreading of policy governance, an unwise thing to do and often reflects the personal insecurity of the leader.

First lets clear up the policy governance issue. Under this board management tool, what is clear is that elders cannot tell staff what to do. That is the prerogative of the senior leader. They cannot manage staff. And it is also true that staff should not go around their leader to the elders as an end run to get what they want. 

What it does not say is that elders and staff should not talk. In fact I think it foolish for a leadership board to not know the temperature of the staff. Consider this: if staff cannot talk to the board in any fashion, what do they do when they have problems that are not getting solved by their leader? 

My experience is that such gag orders are usually a sign of insecurity on the part of leaders more than anything else. This was part of the massive dysfunction Mark Driscoll created at Mars Hill Church where there were major dysfunctions on staff but staff were not permitted to talk to others about it. In a large church I did crisis management in a long string of staff had been mistreated. The board suspected but had not inquired because they were not supposed to talk to staff.

Healthy organizations are not afraid of conversation around whatever issues they face. Healthy leaders are not afraid of alternate opinions or push-back. We have intentionally created an open culture in ReachGlobal where all issues can be put on the table with the exception of hidden agendas or robust dialogue. We welcome the conversation even if it challenges our current thinking. 

I am always deeply wary of what is actually going on when gag orders appear rather than the invitation to open dialogue.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Generational Inclusiveness in the church

One of my great passions is to see all generations in the church valued and appreciated. Most of us would say we do this and some churches do indeed do it wonderfully. However, this only really happens with great intentionality because our natural tendency as pastors is to gear our ministry toward those we we know best - our own generation. And when we do that, we often miss those who went before us and those who will come after us.

It is interesting to me that we are told in the Scriptures to honor the elderly. Growing up in Hong Kong I saw how much the Asian culture does this and even now with my grey hair I receive honor when in Asia. Often, however, in our pragmatic culture we do just the opposite by marginalizing those older than us. Their time has been and we need the younger generation. The second statement is indeed true but the first is not. Our time has not been until we see Jesus.

Here are some ways the church dishonors the generations above us. First, when we don't see their opinions as equally valid as we do those of our generation. Actually there is a great deal of wisdom that comes with age and even though our perspectives may differ between generations, all perspectives are needed in the church. My experience in working with hundreds of churches is that pastors listen to their seniors but do not really hear them. And, many don't truly honor them except in their public persona. In other words, it is often disingenuous. 

Second, when we take away worship options that are meaningful to a prior generation. I think it is the height of insensitivity not to accommodate worship styles of those who have gone before us. This is not an argument about music but about how different people connect with God in worship, or don't. When we take something that is precious and could have found a way to accommodate, we have made a statement that we don't really care. This is especially true when our congregation has multiple services and can therefore offer options.

Before our mission candidates can go overseas they must take courses in cross cultural ministry. I often think that pastors ought to take a course in cross generational ministry because ministering to my generation is not the same as the generations before me or after me. It takes wisdom, sensitivity, humility and a very open mind to understand and minister to generations that are not my own. Why do I assume that my paradigm is the right one for other generations in the church?   

Often, when we disempower a generation by removing worship that they appreciate, we position this as a matter of what we must do to reach the next generation and label alternate opinions as sin or gossip or not getting it. What if the issues are in fact real? What if it truly does matter? We should not spiritualize decisions that we are making out of our own preferences especially when we can give people options. I wish pastors understood what it feels like to be disenfranchised and marginalized. One day they may and I hope will remember decisions they made in the past that did just that.

A third area is that of ministry. Personally I don't relish being put into some seniors group that meets for coffee and trips to Branson Missouri. I want to be active in ministry, mentoring the younger generations, caring for those with needs, and simply using my gifts as I have all along. But we must work hard to find meaningful ways to engage older generations as we do younger.

I think it comes down to a deep sensitivity that we need one another, that we cannot marginalize anyone and that means that we need to listen, dialogue with and work hard to be inclusive rather than exclusive. We need to seek to understand the values, concerns and perspectives of generations different from our own and do all that we can to honor them. My generation is no more special than those that come after me or go before me. It is simply the generation I understand the best. 

Think about these questions. What does it mean to honor generations different than mine? What does it mean to understand their concerns? What does it mean to care as much for them as I do for others? What would it mean for me to care for other generations as much as I do my own. If we get the answers to those questions right we will move toward true generational inclusiveness.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Just received the full cover design for Deep Influence

"In an age of superficiality T.J. will guide you to the deeper places of influence and change"

John Ortberg

Deep Influence: Unseen Practices That Will Revolutionize Your Leadership, is now available for pre-order on Amazon. Available January 1, 2015.

Great leadership advice from Rudyard Kipling's "If."

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son! 

Rudyard Kipling

My new book, Deep Influence: Unseen Practices That Will Revolutionize Your Leadership, is now available for pre-order on Amazon.

Real life in Liberia under Ebola: Please pray

Guest post from David Kiamu in Liberia

On Sunday morning, as I drove off to church, I stopped by the home of my pastor friend who had lost his wife to Ebola just in the last one week. My friend sat outside his house with his head in his hands as if he was praying. He was actually weeping instead. I knew then that things were not that good. 

Naturally, my habit had been, jump out of the car, come to my brother, and hold him for a time of prayer. This time, I stopped my car, opened the door, but never had the strength to get out of the car. My friend realized I could not come near to him for a touch, and prayer, but I said a prayer for him sitting in my car.

Up to this point, my friend had lost to Ebola, his mother in law, his sister in law, the husband of his sister in law, and in the last one week, his own dear wife. My friend knew I love him, for we have been a great partner in ministry for for a while, but at this point, holding him for prayer was not something I could do.

Everyone in our neighborhood was aware that Ebola was now living with this family.  I knew this was not a good time to hug my friend for some powerful Pentecostal prayer. I wanted to, but it was difficult. My friend began to feel abandoned, and he cried the more. He said to me " Dave, I know we cannot touch each other now, but just pray. I am a servant of God, I am now 52, and I have preached his word for most part of my life. Just pray, and call an ambulance to take me to an Ebola treatment center, I think, I am ill".  I called an ambulance, prayed a silent prayer, never got out to hug my friend, and I drove to church. I was scheduled to preach at our new church plant called Life Chapel. 

Throughout the sermon, I cried, and so did the congregation. We cried because we all had experiences of seeing loved ones dying without the power to do something about it. In a culture where shaking hands, hugging, and kissing are ways  to show love and care, not being able to do so is painful. 

This is life in Liberia. We watch love ones die with no power to show them we love them. Then when we think of the burials in mass graves of loved ones we would have loved to bury in a culturally acceptable way, the idea of burning the bodies before throwing them in a mass grave is even more disheartening. But this is life in Liberia now. Pray for Liberia.

Dave

To help in this crisis click here!

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

One of the largest mistakes pastors make when they come into a new church. It can be fatal

One of the largest mistakes pastors make when they come into a new church is to make too many changes too quickly and without adequate process. In doing so, the coinage they started out with due to high expectations of the congregation diminishes greatly and may even be fatal. It also reveals a deep lack of sensitivity to congregants who feel their church was hijacked by the vision of one at the expense of the vision of the whole.

In most cases, changes are needed when a congregation reinvisions itself with a new leader. That is not the issue. The issue is how it is done and at what expense and with what process.

Think of the message congregants hear when a new leader brings major change quickly. They hear that the past was of no value, that their efforts and energy over the years has been discounted and devalued and this is compounded when new pastors publicly say things like "I wouldn't want to come to church in a facility like this." Or "we need vision." All that and more might be true but the message it sends is that the past has not accounted for much of anything. 

Think of the feeling of congregants when services are suddenly changed, ABF's taken away or other major changes to staff and programming seemingly unilaterally made. Their church has been stolen! It is how it feels. And it is all the more painful when adequate discussion and process has not been run but it just happens. Note to new pastors: feelings and perceptions matter both because we are in the people business and because we will lose our followers and ability to lead if we unnecessarily disenfranchise our people.  Another note to new pastors: This is not your church, it is our church so can we have a conversation about this together?

Here are key principles that pastors should pay attention to when coming into a new ministry setting.

• If you envision the future at the expense of the past you have just devalued those who were responsible for making the church what it is today.
• It is not your church but our church so it is not just your vision that matters but a common vision that we can all buy into.
• Wait at least a year to make major changes. You might learn a few things along the way and earn some relational credits that will allow you to manage change better. Why the huge hurry? It is not about you but about the church as a whole.
• When you do make changes, ensure that you run process, process, process. This will include conversation, dialogue, and more conversation and dialogue. People in general are change adverse and need to be brought with you.
• Be gracious. Understand the feelings of people, empathize with the pain of change, shepherd them through the change.
• Just because something is not organized the way your would organize it does not mean it is not working. Find out what is working and how to make it better and pace the change so that people can keep up.
• The people who are in the church when you come matter. One needs to be as concerned for them as for the "target audience" that many new pastors have in mind. Another way to devalue those who are there is to talk about the target audience to the exclusion of those already in the congregation.

To many new pastors think it is their job to fix all the broken things in the congregation they come to. First we need to love people and see what needs fixing. If we fix and change at the expense of loving and shepherding we go the sequence wrong. And likely what it means to pastor a church.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.