Seven grace killers among God's people

A culture of grace is often missing among God's people. And it is a big disconnect for those of us who represent the King of Grace - Jesus. I am talking about the ability and willingness to give one another the benefit of the doubt, accept that others are not perfect and are in need of grace and extending it even as we desire it to be extended to us.  

Here are seven common grace killers:

Critical spirits and sharp comments. When we allow ourselves to have critical spirits toward others we set ourselves above them in our attitude and demeanor. When we make sharp comments we compound our error and in essence demean others. Even when it is necessary to have a difficult conversation one can speak graciously with truth and ever conscious of our own issues. All of us live under God's grace which He extends daily. To follow Him is to extend that same grace to others. 

Playing the role of the Holy Spirit in the lives of others. Needing to fix other people's issues is far more about us than it is about them. It is the job of the Holy Spirit to convict each of us about areas in our lives that need renovation. Sure there are times when we need to talk to others about issues in their lives but we ought to do it with great care. I have found that praying for others is often a far better approach than trying to fix others. God is perfectly capable of getting anyone's attention but He does it with amazing mercy and love.

Expecting others to live by our own convictions. Believers have a wide variety of convictions and practices that fall into the grey zone between what God commands and what He leaves to our conscience. Each of us makes lifestyle choices in those areas where God has not spoken clearly. When we are critical of those who make different choices than we do we are imposing legalism on them and moving from grace to control. We are also again playing the role of the Holy Spirit in their lives. 

This extends to our theology. There are many points of theology - beyond the pillars of what it means to be evangelical that Christians differ on. When I insist that others slice and dice their theology they way I do I am arrogantly suggesting that I have a corner on truth and they do not. What is it in me that does not allow others to come to their own conclusions on issues that are not clear in Scripture? One day we will all stand before God and realize how little we actually knew of Him. Yet we are unable to be flexible with the convictions and practices of others.

Gossip and talking to others about issues rather than to the one we have an issue with. This is a huge grace killer and ubiquitous among God's people. Gossip is no different than writing a critical email and copying it to the world. Its ripples continue on and is a way to lift ourselves up by demeaning others. At its heart it is pure judgement and is from the Evil One rather than the One who gives life (John 10:10). Untold harm is caused to reputations and relationships when we engage in this grace killing behavior.

Assuming ill motives on the part of others. This is a grace killer because we are usually wrong (the motives were not poor) but our assumption about motives (as if we can know the heart of another) causes us to think poorly of them. Grace says that I will not assume the motivation of others because I cannot know it unless they tell me. Giving others the benefit of the doubt is about grace. Only God knows the heart.

Holding on to bitterness and choosing not to forgive. Lack of forgiveness and bitterness is at the root of a great deal of relational dysfunction and critical spirits. It not only kills grace in the relationship but in our own spirits that are poisoned by our refusal to forgive and let go. We become a prisoner of our own bitterness and the poison of that bitterness spreads to others around us. It is our choice to forgive or not to forgive but it is God's command that we do.

Lack of empathy and understanding. It is easy to become impatient and critical of others because we don't understand what they are dealing with in their own lives and we have not taken the time to find out. All of us live with either public or private pain from time to time and our lack of empathy for the issues others struggle with often cause us to be impatient and critical. The truth is that if we had to walk in their shoes we would probably  be struggling with some of the same things.

The Fruit of the Spirit is all about grace in our relationships. The fruit of our lower nature is not about grace but about us. In every relationship we have the choice of extending and living out the Grace God extends to us or conversely, choosing the selfish route of judgement and critical spirits. 

I would sum up the attributes of grace this way:

• I will be slow to judge and criticize
• I will be patient and forbearing with others
• In my words and attitudes I will seek to encourage and lift up rather than discourage and tear down
• I will not judge motives
• I will forgive easily
• I will allow the Holy Spirit to convict others rather than playing that role myself
• I will be empathetic and understanding
• I will seek to display the Fruit of the Spirit in all of my relationships and interactions
• I will choose to assume the best
• I will refrain from gossip

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Why so many leadership development efforts fail

Developing leaders is a passion for many of us. But the truth is that often, our efforts are not nearly as successful as they should be. I would suggest that there are some reasons for this that we need to grapple with and understand.

Leadership development is not primarily about a classroom experience but that is often how we approach it. In fact, I would go so far as to say that most good leadership is caught rather than taught but that goes against the grain of our western educational model which is content heavy. There is no better way to understand good leadership than to see it in action from another good leader. Doing ministry with someone is far better than doing it alone because it gives us an opportunity to have life on life influence. While there are skills and concepts that can be taught, seeing them in action is far more powerful.

Leadership development cannot be outsourced to a staff member: leaders themselves must be actively involved in the process. When people see senior leaders involved in the process of developing younger leaders they pay attention and are far more likely to do the same. When we outsource leadership development to "a staff member" we effectively indicate that it is not important enough for us to get involved. We may need a plan and logistical support but whenever leadership and development efforts do not have the full attention and participation of senior leaders they are likely to be less successful than they could be.

Leadership development that is not backed up by the actual practices and values of the organization will get little traction. People pay attention to what leaders do far more than to what leaders espouse. Perhaps we are jaded by the many values and commitments communicated that are not actually lived out in practice. What is refreshing is to see leaders living out the ethos and culture they talk about. Again, good leadership is more caught than taught.

Leadership development that does not give people a chance to try things and even fail is unlikely to be very fruitful. Most organizations and ministries are failure adverse. Yet if we don't bomb on a few things it is likely that we are not trying very many new ideas. Furthermore, how else do people learn than through trying things and even failing when a plan does not work. Others watch carefully when plans go awry to see if there is grace extended or not. If there is not, there is a high likelihood that others will be cautious rather than bold. Young leaders do fail at some things - even established leaders do.

Leadership development that does not include a significant opportunity for dialogue and discussion is likely to be far less effective than we would desire. This is why simply giving someone a book to read or a class to attend is not likely to produce a good leader. However, development efforts that are rich in dialogue and conversation with proven leaders is far more apt to get you to where you want to go. Dialogue creates far greater understanding than simply sharing information.

Leadership development efforts that are a "one off" are unlikely to be very effective. Leadership development is a process rather than an event. It takes place over time in the company of good leaders. The process gives one time to absorb, understand, see it practiced and even try it themselves. Events can add a piece to the puzzle but in themselves are insufficient to develop really good leadership.

Leadership development efforts that do not pay adequate attention to the inner life of a leader are unlikely to yield healthy leaders. The spiritual, emotional and relational health of leaders is a fundamental requirement for good leadership. If our primary attention is on leadership skills or techniques to the expense of the inner life of a leader we are actually sabotaging ourselves. There is no good leadership without healthy leaders. 

All of this presupposes that we are actually serious about developing our leadership bench and that we have a serious plan to get there. The vast majority of Christian organizations I work with do not. Our organization has made it a high priority because we know that we are only as strong as the leadership bench we have.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

What is the most important issue in leadership development?

Recently I was mulling on Paul's leadership development of Timothy and did a quick look at the kinds of things that he pressed into in his two letters to him. The key issues revolved around these kinds of topics: faithfulness; godliness; being an example; character; boldness; fidelity to the Word along with just plain practical advice. What stuck me once again was that the core of leadership is first what is inside rather than leadership skills themselves. The latter is important but without the former, there is no good leadership.

As I write in my latest book, Deep Influence, we spend too much time in leadership on technique and not nearly enough time on issues of the inner life of a leader. For those of us who lead and mentor others, it is a reminder of how critical the health of our inner life is: spiritual, emotional and relational. Whatever dysfunctions we carry do spill over in unconscious ways in our leadership. 

Leadership failures are not usually for lack of skill but for lack of a healthy inner life. In fact, those we lead will put up with a lot if our character and example is one of health and integrity. When that is not present there is little patience. The best leaders I know put a great deal of attention on their own inner health. Both because they desire the greatest personal health possible as well as recognizing the consequences to others if they do not.

Everyone who leads ought to have a plan for personal development. They also need people around them who can help them understand where they need to grow. We often don't see it ourselves but those around us do. This takes time but it is the best time we could ever spend and those we lead will thank us for it. 

The time factor is probably what keeps this from happening more often than it should. Leaders are busy and the more success we find the busier we often are - to our own detriment. If we don't feed the core, we will see leakage in the inner life. And that will spill over into our leadership. How much time we devote to our inner lives is a pretty good indication of our priority to become and remain personally healthy.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The very real existential threat of ISIS which if not confronted may come to a community near you!

When I first wrote about the ISIS threat I received responses that the atrocities I reported could not be happening. Unfortunately they have continued, the most recent being the burning alive of a Jordanian pilot and the beheadings of 21 Coptic Christians in Libya. Both on video for all the world to see. I have watched both videos not out of any prurient interest but out of respect for those killed and in order to confront the evil ISIS represents in a personal way. The waves of the Mediterranean turned red with the blood of those killed in Libya. The video represented itself as a warning to all those who live under the banner of the cross. It is a threat to all those who follow Jesus as well as others.

Recent comments by the American administration indicate that ISIS does not constitute an "existential threat" to America and the world. I beg to differ. It constitutes one of the largest threats to mankind ever, and if left to grow and multiply it will bring its evil not only to those who live in the Middle East and Africa (who we are allowing to suffer and die by the thousands) but to the doorsteps of many other nations. It is not so much a political threat as it is the naked face of the pit of hell being unleashed on a world that seems to be largely unconcerned about its real intention - to destroy and kill those who don't agree with their version of Islam. It is John 10:10 exposed for all the world to see - "The thief comes to kill, steal and destroy." 

The civilized world has a responsibility to respond to this naked evil. This is no small skirmish but a declaration of war on Christians and others with the most gruesome killing of men, women and children made in God's image. We ignored Rwanda and had to apologize. How can the world ignore ISIS. Some evil is so raw and primitive that it must be confronted and destroyed. If we do not, it will confront and destroy much of what we consider to be precious to us. 

I suspect that kidnappings for ransom or for propaganda deaths will grow and that missionaries working in hard to reach places will be casualties. But their deaths are no more precious than the deaths of these 21 Coptic believers or the Jordanian pilot who I presume was Muslim. This is evil and evil cannot be ignored, especially when it sets itself up against the peace and security of our world, the Jewish nation, those who believe in the Cross of Jesus and then those who simply don't fit their brand of Islam. If the world had the responsibility to confront Hitler and the Nazis it has the responsibility to confront ISIS and its expanding ilk whether in the Middle East or Africa. 

How many deaths will it take until the world gets serious about the evil that ISIS represents? Americans, Japanese, Syrians, Africans, Jordanians, Iraqis, Turks, French, English and others have died. How many more will die before we realize that the existential threat does exist and it is the face of evil. The naked face of evil.
(Written from Hua Hin, Thailand)

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The debt of thanks we owe to those who helped make us who we are

I received a delightful card recently. It said something like this: "today is my fiftieth birthday and I am writing to 50 individuals who have helped me become what I am. You have been a blessing to me and influenced me. Thank you." It was a blessing to receive both because of the thoughtfulness of the note and because it is a rare occurrence. Too often we live under the illusion that we got to where we are by ourselves. That is never true. Countless people have influenced us along the way and the more we realize that the more we have to thank God for. And those who invested in us!

Recently I sat down and made a list of all those who have positively influenced my life and it was a long list. These are people who have believed in me, encouraged me along the way in the journey or whose character and life have rubbed off on me. As I contemplated that list I was humbled and realized again that we grow and flourish in community as Bonhoeffer so eloquently wrote about. Those who remain insular are those who lose out on this wonderful blessing.

We run the race that is life with a group of wonderful fellow pilgrims. We ought to be ever conscious of how we can encourage and help them and conscious of how they wonderfully impact our own lives. And rather than taking it for granted, lets acknowledge their contribution to our lives and seek to make one to theirs. Whether we know it or not, our lives are the accumulation of those who have blessed us along the way. We do not stand alone but with  so many who have walked the journey with us.

And so, Walt, Susan, Carol, Grant, Ken, Barb, Mom, Dad, Tom, Kevin, Gary, Brian, Daryl, Dave, Jeff, Mary Ann...... thank you.
(Written from Hua Hin, Thailand)

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Releasing our shame and stepping into God's destiny for us

I recently received an email from a dear friend who had been asked to speak at an event and was struggling with doubt that they were qualified to be on stage, talking about the subject. It is not that they are a poor speaker or don't know the subject. It was inner doubt about whether they were truly worthy to address the audience. They verbalized to me (asking for prayer) what many of us struggle with: we do not feel worthy to represent Jesus. We don't feel worthy because we live with various versions of shame. Shame for what we have done, shame that we will never be good enough, shame that we are not worthy. Shame that we will never be good enough.

That shame sometimes comes from our family of origin where we were given the message that we will never amount to anything. It can come from sin in our past that we believe disqualifies us from being used by God. It can also be the whisper of Satan telling us that we are unworthy. And in case you doubt he would say this, remember that he is called the father of lies and that he comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10) while Jesus comes to bring life and life abundant. Satan specializes in shame while Jesus specializes in freedom from shame though his death on our behalf. Satan floods us with shame while Jesus releases us from shame. Satan says you are not worthy. Jesus says, you are fully worthy because of me.

Here is the truth. None of us are worthy in ourselves to represent Jesus but Jesus has made us fully worthy through His son Jesus. But if he has made us worthy he has also made us "fully worthy." He has released us from all sin and shame and inadequacy for He is our adequacy. We literally walk and live in His divine AMEN on our lives. His face is turned toward us and His smile is upon us. There is no shame in His presence for those who have been redeemed and forgiven. There is only freedom and joy and blessing.

Each of us struggle with some version of shame. Jesus wants to release all of that. Satan says you have no destiny. Jesus says you have an amazing destiny. The former is a lie while the latter - through Jesus - is absolute truth. Satan wants us to hold back fearful of our destiny. Jesus wants us to fully step in the destiny He handcrafted for us (Ephesians 2:10). 

Don't let shame hold you back. Release it to Jesus and step fully into your destiny. It is His destiny for you.
(written from Hua Hin, Thailand)

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Quick links and index to all of my blogs on church boards and governance

High Impact Church Boards and Leading From The Sandbox are both back in print

For organizations or churches who order either of these books for their board or staff I offer a free Skype meeting to discuss questions or principles.

Eight dysfunctions of church governance boards

Church boards who live with their heads in the sand

Pastors, staff and board members who use inappropriate language, emotions and actions

Eight reasons that boards do not address known issues of a senior leader

A dialogue between TJ Addington and Tony Morgan of the Unstuck Group on church governance

Signs that leaders are leading from a posture of fear and insecurity

A YouTube video that illustrates much church leadership

Some of the worst things leaders can do when there is controversy or conflict in the church

Congregational meetings and church health

The use of church discipline to control people or shut down discussion in the church

Nine church board mistakes I have been seeing lately - from Tony Morgan

15 unfortunate things boards do

Why boards can be so frustrating to serve on and how to solve it

Passive boards and controlling boards: Both are dangerous

Dumb things church boards do

Practices of healthy boards

Big rocks, pebbles and sand

Signs of a dysfunctional church board

Signs of healthy and unhealthy boards 

When board members don't get their way

When boards are unable to police their own

Conflict and problem avoidance create sick churches

Choosing and preparing new board members

Church board development

The failure of church boards to realistically evaluate ministries they oversee

Church boards and church culture

Violations of good board behavior that kill good governance

 Healthy board/pastor relationships in the church             

Church renovation

Undiscerning church boards: A case study

Should a church be run like a business

Church boards and fear

Church culture trumps everything

Church boards and failure of courage

Staff and board relationships in the local church: What is healthy and what is unhealthy

Split boards, split congregations

The profile of an effective church leader

9 Principles for healthy governance in the church

Eight kinds of people who should not serve on a church board

Every congregation is one leadership board away from trouble and decline

When leadership boards become the barrier to church growth

Rethinking leadership selection in the church

Church board self assessment: 15 questions

Guard the gate to your church leadership

Boards that are not united and don't face reality

Antiquated church governance systems that hurt the mission of the church

Our church governance systems do matter!

Four key church board documents

What boards and pastors need to know about each other

Operate without a church board covenant at your risk

A failure of nerve

Bold or timid church leadership

When board members allow friendship and relationship to overshadow their governance role

When should a church change their governance system?

Board members and their intellectual capacity

Courageous church leaders

Church leadership and trust

Effective churches have pastors and boards with a bias toward strategic action

Empowering pastors

Spiritual discernment in ministry leadership

Signs that your church board needs renovation

When elephants fight the grass gets trampled

Ten marks of a united church leadership board

The five dysfunctions of ministry organizations

When everyone is in charge no one is in charge

Should church staff serve on the elder/leadership board?

Why boards must always speak with one voice

Interminable board meetings

Churches and group think

Paying greater attention to gifting when it comes to those we put into church leadership

Not ready, proceed slow, lets go: When leaders resist change!

Is your church more missional or institutional?

Board evaluation

Toxic team and board members

I cannot find good leaders for my church

Unspoken board discussions

Checks and balances in church leadership

Proactive or reactive leadership

Ministry accelerators and anchors

"I knew I should have said something."

The dysfunction of control in ministry organizations

Leadership board time outs for reflection

Dealing with organizational elephants

Choosing the right leaders in your church: You get what you deserve.

The biggest favor you can do for your pastor and your church

Want to grow your staff/leadership board?

Candid discourse among church leaders

Four skill sets every team and board can profit from

Who is best qualified to serve as an elder or church leader?

Rethinking the relationship between pastors and lay leaders

Continuing the question as to whether staff should serve on the elder board

Does your church have a meaningful job description for your senior pastor?

Policy governance in the church: An overview

Willow Creek and governance lessons: A watershed moment

Help your board do self-evaluation of their work with seven evaluative statements

Seven personal behaviors for the best board work

Why boards need to change as an organization grows

How do you measure the success of your organization?

If your board needs help, I can help

Five simple principles for governance in churches and non-profits

With over thirty years of working with boards I am available to help your board be the best they can be. Whether remotely using technology or in person, together we can make substantial strides toward healthier and more missional board work.

As the author of High Impact Church Boards I have worked with thousands of board members to ensure that the right people end up on an organizations board, that the board is intentional in its work and that the culture of the leadership system is empowering rather than controlling. Cost is kept to a minimum by using technology like Go To Meeting, or I can join you in person for governance training or retreats.

I can be contacted at tjaddington@gmail.com or 615.840.1676. I look forward to talking to and working with those who desire to raise the level of their board's effectiveness. 

Interview with Steve Hayner of InterVarsity and Columbia Seminary: People tend to die like they've lived.

Died: Steve Hayner, Former President of InterVarsity and Columbia Seminary

"As a pastor I’ve observed that people tend to die like they’ve lived. Most people will face death in the same way they have faced other things in their lives. Anyone who knows you or Sharol would say this process feels as though this is exactly how you would go through this time."

Steve Hayner interview

The secret to your future from The Leadership Freak - well worth reading

THE SECRET TO YOUR FUTURE

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Organizational change and the angst it creates

Organizations face change in predictable situations. That change - often brought by a new leader must be done in ways that minimize the anxiety and uncertainty to staff and constituents. That means that good process must be run, input sought, dialogue practiced and there are no great surprises. Even with this, however, needed change is hard and often causes anxiety among leaders, staff and boards.

In major organizational change it is not unusual that some people choose to leave or are let go. This is normal. Often, those individuals have alliances, friendships or relationships with others who take up their case and put pressure on the powers that be to change their minds. This is normal. If both of these are normal, we ought not allow their presence to cause anxiety or concern. It is an inevitable part of the change process.

In major organizational change it is not unusual for those who don't like the change to make their gripes public. This is normal. They are unhappy and are likely to take it out on the leader who is bringing changes to the organization. Assuming that this leader is bringing change with sensitivity and concern for those involved, there is no reason to back down simply because unhappy voices are heard. They are usually responding out of fear rather than animosity. It is a normal part of the change process.

Change brings with it a need for people to make choices about their ongoing participation in the organization. Long time leaders may choose to leave - graciously or ungraciously. Often staff and boards take this as a sign that there is something fundamentally wrong with the changes taking place. Not necessarily! It is often simply that they don't want to make the personal changes they would have to make to fit into the new paradigm. That is not good or bad but simply a decision as to how they respond to the new paradigms. This is normal and to be expected. Even board members may choose to exit as they realize that it is a new day with new leadership and new paradigms. Again, this is normal.

Major organizational changes can bring a high level of anxiety to an organization. Most people are by nature change adverse - middle and late adapters, and laggards. Change brings uncertainty and uncertainty makes many uncomfortable and discomfort causes a level of dysfunction as the ground seems to be shifting for those who love stability. In these times of change there can be a high level of angst among staff. This is normal. Indeed, there is no way to negotiate change without angst and uncertainty. 

The common thread here is that these responses to change are normal and should be expected. In addition, they are not a sign that the organization is failing or falling apart. If anything they are signs that necessary changes are underway (organizations that do not change die) and that someone with courage is leading. As long as good process is being followed (and that is a big deal), we should not be intimidated by push back to change. It will happen, it is normal and it is the price of bringing needed change.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

15 life giving behaviors of healthy leaders

There are some life giving behaviors that good leaders engage in and live by. It is what sets them apart from other leaders, gives them great credibility and earns them the loyalty of their staff. It is also what makes their ministry or team successful. I say life giving because they give life to people and to the mission of the team or organization.

One: Good leaders never make it about themselves. They have the humility to understand that their leadership is about the mission they have been given and that they are stewards of that mission. Healthy leaders keep the focus on the mission, not on themselves. While relationships are critical the best glue is missional glue.

Two: Good leaders build a great team. Many leaders hire people who will do what they tell them. The best leaders hire people who they can empower within boundaries and release them. They empower rather then control and are not afraid of staff whose skills exceed their own. In fact they intentionally look for people who are better than they are in the areas they lead.

Three: Good leaders do not take credit for success. They give it to the whole team rather than take it themselves. They know that without God's empowering and the team they work with, success would not happen. It is not about me but about us together. Staff are not always out front and they appreciate it when their leader platforms them.

Four: Good leaders don't blame others for failures. Bad things happen and leaders know that if it happens on their watch they need to take responsibility. This sends a strong message that "my leader has my back." There may be private conversations but in public, there is no blame.

Five: Good leaders don't fail to address known issues. One of the things that gives leaders credibility with their staff is that they deal with issues even when they are hard. Issues that are not dealt with hurt staff and the ministry and staff need their leader to step into the tough places.

Six: Good leaders build a healthy life giving staff culture. Healthy cultures have an ethos of candid conversation, collegial relationships, trust, lack of turf wars, common mission, cooperation and humility. 

Seven: Good leaders don't ask others to do what they don't do. They model the values and commitments of the organization, don't take advantage of their position and lead the way by example.

Eight: Good leaders pay significant attention to their staff. Making time for staff, being available to them, removing barriers they face and staying relationally connected are all factors in a healthy staff culture.

Nine: Good leaders keep the mission central all the time. Few things are more demoralizing than mission drift because it robs the organization and staff of a cause worth giving their lives for. One of the first jobs of all leaders is to keep the mission front and central with great clarity.'

Ten: Good leaders continually clarify what is important. There is nothing more helpful to any team or organization than clarity. Ambiguity creates all kinds of questions while clarity answers those questions. Leaders clarify all the time.

Eleven: Good leaders foster candid dialogue and a non-defensive spirit.  It is wonderfully refreshing to meet leaders who encourage honest dialogue and who are totally non-defensive when their ideas are challenged.

Twelve: Good leaders lead collaboratively rather than autocratically. Collaborative leadership beats autocratic leadership every time because there is greater intellectual capital at the table as well as greater by-in. Few truly good staff will stay long term without having a voice at the table.

Thirteen: Good leaders require high accountability but exercise low control. They set appropriate boundaries but give a great deal of empowerment. Nor do they insist that staff do things their way but encourage them to use their creativity and gifts.

Fourteen: Good leaders develop their staff and the next generation of leaders. It is life giving when leaders are proactive in helping their staff grow. It is critical to the ministry to develop the next generation of leaders.

Fifteen: Good leaders don't stay beyond their usefulness. There comes a time for leaders to move on and it is better to move on when people want you to stay than leave when people want you to leave. 

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The art of lifting others up rather than lifting ourselves up

I am convinced that the true test of humility and servanthood is that of lifting other up, helping them succeed and flourish rather than lifting ourselves up. Jesus modeled this when He made it clear that He was about His Father's business and everything He did was to make His Father look good. What is amazing is that Jesus was part of the Godhead and yet he continually lifted the Father up.

All of us have emotional needs and egos. It is hard to lift up others at our expense - and I am convinced that this is a result of the fall and our need to be number one and the one in the spotlight. Yet, what is most important is not our own ego needs but that we make Jesus well known and His reputation great. It is never about us so why do we make it about us?

When Paul talks about treating others as more important than ourselves he is both emulating the example of Jesus and teaching us how important is is to focus on others rather than ourselves. The lower nature focuses on us. The fruit of the Spirit focuses on others more than ourselves. A mark of maturity is our willingness and desire to see others succeed rather than ourselves be in the limelight.

I don't pretend this is easy. Our pride wants to trumpet ourselves. Humility trumpets others. Our pride wants the credit. Humility gives credit away. Our pride wants the spotlight. Humility gives the spotlight to others. Why? Because what matters in the end is not our celebrity but our influence for Jesus. For most of us, that influence is behind the scenes and seeks to lift others up rather than ourselves.

This is a battle most of us who are in leadership will fight all of our lives. I want to win that battle. After all, life is not about me. It is all about Jesus. To the extent that I get that and live that I will be successful. Ironically, to the extent that I promote myself I will be unhappy and unsuccessful because the more self promotion we do the more we need. We choose which path we take. Either life is about us or it is not. 

Staff know which route leaders take. They know when it is about the leader and they know when it is about the leader doing all they can to make them successful. We may fool ourselves but we never fool those we lead. Hopefully we don't fool ourselves either! It indicates our pride or our humility. 

Ironically, the more we lift others up the greater our influence for the Kingdom. In doing so we multiply ourselves.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The most difficult conversations

The most difficult conversations that we need to have often fill us with anxiety and angst. The possibility of conflict or anger can give us knots in our stomach. Yet, the most difficult conversations are often the most important and most people can learn how to navigate them. This is what I have learned about that navigation.

First, it is important to separate our relationship (good or bad) with the individual we are talking to from the issue at hand. Issues are neutral, just what currently is and it is the issue that we want to focus on. This takes it out of the realm of relationship and focuses the conversation where it really belongs.

Second, It is important to be clear on what issue(s) one is going to address. Clarity in these conversations is very important. Rather than beating around the bush it is important to clearly state the issue in a definitive way. "My concerns are that you are not paying attention to the team you are leading which is causing conflict among team members," for example. Before you talk, be sure that you can clearly articulate what your concerns are and that we have thought through how you will present the concerns in a way that will be clearly understood.

Third, manage your emotions. This is not always easy but to the extent that one can have a conversation around issues without it becoming emotional on your part you are far more likely to have a productive conversation. Emotions elevate the tension in the room while keeping them under control brings the tension down. The one we are talking to may get emotional but our job is to keep our emotions under control.

Fourth, state facts as you see them but do not go to motivations. We never truly know motivations and even if we suspect they are problematic it is best to keep to facts. When addressing things that you suspect to be true but don't know say something like, "My perception is that you do not enjoy leading a team which is why you have not paid it proper attention, is that correct?" This gets at the issue but avoids making a definitive statement that may or may not be true and it invites a response which should lead to a dialogue.

Fifth, invite a response. You might say, "These are the issues that concern me, how do you see it?" This allows a conversation to begin which can lead to some kind of clarity through the next strategy.

Sixth, ask questions, listen carefully and don't interrupt. Questions invite exploration of the issues at hand. Listening shows respect - and it may take some patience. If you don't agree with the perspective of the other individual don't debate them, Rather, simply restate how you see it. Unhealthy individuals will often try to rope you in to a debate because they can manipulate through wearing you down. Don't go there. Simply restate what you believe to be true. One interesting question to ask is, "If you were in my shoes, how would you handle this?"

Seven, ask them to think through your concerns and that you desire a further conversation to bring the issue to resolution. If you have already thought through the options you are willing to put on the table state these clearly. Don't beat around the bush, just clearly state the options you see as possible. If what you want is a resignation, make the options as unattractive as possible.

If I could name one thing that is absolutely critical in these conversations it is maximum clarity. We often fail to be absolutely clear out of fear but clarity is what the other party needs if there is going to be resolution. Ambiguity on our part invites an ambiguous response.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Seven behaviors of high capacity leaders

Great article:

7 Behaviors of High Capacity Leaders

leave when they want you to stay rather than when they want you to leave

One of the toughest issues for leaders is to know when to leave. In both the church and broader ministry world I have watched way to many leaders stay beyond their effectiveness and literally have to be pushed out of their leadership role because they hang onto it so tenaciously. Many around them know it is time but they refuse to acknowledge that. It puts both the board and the organization in a tough place. How do we move a leader on who needs to move on?

A friend recently observed that if we leave when our constituency wants to stay we are always welcome back. On the other hand if we leave when they finally convince you to leave the situation is much different because we have overstayed our welcome and created issues in the process. 

How do we know when it is time? First when we have taken the ministry as far as we can take it there is no question it is time. We may have literally run out of ideas and ability to take the ministry to the next level. That is not a criticism of us it is just the reality of how we are wired. We have done what we could do and now it is time for someone else to step in who has the ability to take what we have led to the next level.

Second, when we start to get feedback from staff that we are not moving ahead and they get restless we need to pay close attention. Staff are a barometer of how we are doing in many cases. Often leaders feel this restlessness from their staff but choose not to give them permission to speak candidly and honestly to us. Thus they may be talking to one another but not to us, not because they would not if asked but because we have not given them permission. We become the last ones to know what they are really thinking.

Third, since most of us report to a board if we are in a senior position there needs to be an opportunity from time to time to candidly discuss our leadership and how we are doing as leaders. Don't wait to have this discussion when things are going badly. Start this discussion when things are going well in order to establish a culture where honest and candid dialogue can take place. That allows us to talk together over time which makes it more likely we can be honest about our leadership.

There is a key principle that all leaders need to understand but that many do not. What we lead does not belong to us. We are stewards for a season. Seasons have a beginning and an end. And as stewards rather than owners we need to place the needs of the ministry above our own preferences or desires. Knowing when to leave a ministry is about understanding what the ministry needs rather than what we want. That is a crucial distinction.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The secret sauce to long term ministry success. It may not be what you think

What is the secret sauce to long term ministry success. It is not strategy. It is not brilliance. It is not the latest idea from a high profile ministry leader. It is not the ability to gather a large number of people. 

There are three components that make up the secret sauce of long term ministry success: The right people, trusting relationships and shared values. With those three ingredients there is no telling what can happen.

The right people are those who are good at what they do, team focused, kingdom minded and humble. That last descriptor is a non-negotiable because without humility there will not be team and collaboration.

Trusting relationships built over time are critical for long term success. Such relationships are built by time together, common objectives, a humble stance that values other members of the team and cares about the whole more than my part.

Then there is the key ingredient of shared values. This is one of the most absent ingredients in ministry organizations. Shared values are like cement in an organization. They also provide the non-negotiables that everyone is committed to. As Henry Cloud says so well, "Leaders get what they create or allow." Culture is created by shared values and where those are clear the secret sauce is present.

We often go after strategies and doing things before we create the environment or ethos that can make those strategies successful. The secret sauce must precede action. Where it does not one gets confusion and often ministry conflict. Get the sauce right and there is significant potential. 

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Check out this map and article on Islam in Europe from the Economist

Daily chart

Islam in Europe

IF can be a dangerous word

How often we think, "If I had...., If things had been different..., If I had known..." Or some variation on that. There are all kinds of ifs in life but none that matter much. They don't matter because we need to live in reality, with what is, rather than what might have been.

In fact, If can be a dangerous word because it allows us to live in the world of what is not rather than what is. As someone has wisely said, "Don't resaw the sawdust." It is a waste of time. What is not a waste of time is focusing on what is and how we make the most of what God has given us. 

This applies to leadership as well. "If that gift had come in...., If that individual had not done what they did....and the list goes on. Leaders don't deal in ifs but in reality whether good or bad. When we deal in reality we can focus our attention on what we need to do today rather than what we wish had been the case in the past. 

Wise individuals leave the ifs alone and deal with the present reality. They don't live in the what if world but in the current reality.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Every ministry architect needs a general contractor

If there is a secret to the significant change that the EFCA mission has walked through in the past eleven years it is that I did not attempt to do it alone but was joined at the hip with another - and then surrounded by a great senior team. Let me explain.

Like many leaders I am what I call an architect by wiring. God has given me the ability to see what can be and look five to ten years in the future. Like an architect I can envision what the ministry could be and the macro pieces that will be needed to see it happen. God has given the ability to think conceptually - which is what architects do. Many senior leaders have similar wiring. It is simply how God made me.

Architects, however have a different skill set than does a general contractor. Those who are wired as general contractors have the unique ability to take what the architect has drawn and ensure that it is translated into reality. Architects draw pictures while general contractors run process, hire sub contractors and make sure that the right thing is done at the right time so that things are done in order and properly. No architect is successful without a requisite general contractor and general contractors rely on the architect for the picture of what could be.

If you translate this into my world as a senior leader who paints the picture I need a general contractor who can help translate that picture into reality by finding the right people and running the right process to build what is on the picture one step at a time. If the skill of the architect is the picture, the skill of the general contractor is process. 

Ministry leaders like me need a general contractor like my sidekick Gary Hunter whose complimentary skills in running process can bring a ministry structure and strategy to reality. The partnership between myself and Gary were and are critical in building a fabulous senior team and running the change process we have been through. I could not have done it alone and I never ignore the counsel of my partner.

Senior leaders who operate without a partner to help build what they envision find themselves in trouble on a regular basis. The two skills are different but both are necessary to see success. It takes a non-threatened senior leader, however, because the general contractor's influence is found throughout the ministry. They may not be in front but they make it happen.

If you are a senior leader, do you have a general contractor beside you whom you work with, listen to and empower? If not you are missing one of the key secrets of long term success.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Taking the long view of ministry strategy and results

A key factor in ministry success is whether we take a short or long term view regarding our plans and strategies. Many leaders are impatient and reactive and in their pursuit of ministry success they chase strategies that yield quick results at the cost of long term success.

A long term view of ministry results recognizes that you must lay a strong foundation upon which to build for lasting results. This includes finding the right people (staff or volunteers) who can help you get to your destination and creating a healthy results oriented culture in which the staff works. A third component of the foundation is having absolute clarity about what you are about, what your goals are and how you intend to get there. The right staff, a healthy culture and ministry clarity take time but any shortcuts here will short change your long term success.

Even with these three components in place, any strong ministry strategy must be built carefully and systematically. All too often we tend to substitute action (lets get going) for the hard work of thinking through philosophy and strategy that will yield long term results. The better the thinking on the front end, the better the results in the end. This is particularly true when your work involves change from the past. The process you choose will determine whether it is permanent change or a blip on the screen.

What gets in the way of building a strong foundation? First, we are often way too impatient to see something happen and shortchange the work we need to do to ensure that what we are building is built to last. Second, the foundational work is frankly hard work. It requires time, thinking and dialogue with the right people to put in place the framework for what you are trying to build. It is easy to default to action without the requisite deep thinking and analysis that good strategy requires. Third, too often we are chasing quick wins and while nice, quick ends usually don't yield long term results.

There is an ironic twist to the many conferences we go to in order to learn the secrets of success - often put on by large churches. They got where they are in most cases by a deliberate process of moving in the same direction toward a strategic goal. They did the work to ensure it lasted which is why their success was years in the making. We want to emulate them so we quickly rip off their strategies - forgetting that it was not the program or specific strategy that got them to where they are but a deliberate journey of clarity, patience, deep thinking and a long term strategy to achieve long term results. 

Long term success takes longer than short term wins. It also yields way more fruit than the latter. It is harder, slower, more work but ultimately it wins hands down in ministry results.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

If you want to know how healthy your leader is, check the health of the staff. It tells the story.

Because our own health as leaders spills out into those we lead a key indicator of a leader's health is the health of their staff. Is the staff culture healthy or toxic? Is it functional or dysfunctional? Are staff relatively happy and engaged or relatively unhappy and disengaged. If a leader has led for any length of time, the ethos and culture of their staff is a prime indicator of their own health.

I regularly talk to ministry staff members who describe toxic, fearful and unhappy staff cultures. What they often don't realize is that they are describing the dishealth of their leader. Church and ministry boards for the most part don't get this. They are all too willing to overlook unhealthy and toxic staff cultures as if all is well. The truth is it is not all well. Nor is the senior leader.

Staff cultures almost always reflect the health of the leader. This is why it is critical to have ways to ascertain the relative health of staff members and not to simply take the word of the leader. Controlling leaders control their staff. Dysfunctional leaders create dysfunction on their staff. Insecure leaders shut down candid discussion on their staff. Driven leaders create staff cultures where staff member always feel inadequate -  because their leader does. Grace filled leaders create cultures of grace and empowering leaders create cultures of trust and release people to use their gifting and intellectual capital. Staff cultures almost always reflect the health of dishealth of the leader.

This also means that where staff cultures are unhealthy, boards ought to pay close attention. Of course it presupposes that boards have a desire and way to monitor the health of the staff. Many don't. 

Every board ought to have a way to keep its finger on the health of staff because in doing so they not only protect the staff where necessary but they also get a read on the health of their leader. Good leaders create healthy staff cultures of empowerment, grace, candid conversation and trust. Unhealthy leaders create cultures of mistrust, control, lack of clarity and bureaucracy. There is a big difference. 

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Leading in the hard times

Leadership is not always what it is cracked up to be. Especially in the hard times when knotty issues must be confronted, staff situations resolved and perhaps the most painful of all, personal attacks endured. Leadership is not for the faint of heart or the easily discouraged.

What separates those who lead well in hard times from those who don't? 

First, those who lead well in hard times do not tend to take the situations as personally as others. Not that it is easy or comfortable. It helps, however, to realize that we are often targets because people disagree with our decisions or don't fully understand situations we cannot be candid about. The price of leadership is that we will be misunderstood at times and that we will be a target because of decisions we must make. 

Second, leadership in hard times is easier when we keep our anxiety low. Anxiety is wasted energy. If we will take the time to gain perspective from others and from God we can usually respond with greater wisdom than when we respond on the fly - or out of anxiety and anger. That is a skill that can be learned even when it is not native to our skill set.

Third, leading in the hard times is easier when we take a long view rather than a short view. In the moment there may be uncertainty and pain and conflict. In the long term good decisions yield health and effectiveness. Thinking long term allows us to weather the short term discomfort. In fact, those who think short term often respond poorly to hard issues because they are not willing to live with short term pain for long term gain.

Fourth, leading in hard times is easier when we trust in God's sovereignty. Sure, not all things are solved this side of heaven. At the same time, God has a way of working things out when we respond in a measured and wise way rather than allowing our emotions to hijack our actions in unhealthy ways.

Leading in the hard times is actually one of the fundamental ways that leaders grow and mature: If we respond with wisdom rather than with emotion.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The 10 most influential churches of the last century - Ed Stetzer in CT

The 10 Most Influential Churches of the Last Century

There is much to learn from some key trends in the last 100 years of church history. |

Ed Stetzer