The Emotional Intelligence of churches and ministries

Here is an interesting question. We talk much about EQ (Emotional Intelligence) as it relates to individuals but do ministries also have a corporate EQ? I believe that they do: It is the combined EQ level of its leadership and staff and it has profound implications for the overall effectiveness of the ministry. My observations come out of two decades plus of working with ministry organizations.

Here are some of the markers of good and poor organizational or ministry EQ.

How we handle conflict
This is a biggie! I once worked with a troubled church where any disagreement with the senior leader was seen as a lack of loyalty and works like "submission" and "obedience" along with ubiquitous scripture references were bandied around frequently. Then there were "charges" against those whose behavior was seen as "sinful" and "admonitions" to those who had crossed some line.

While this may seem extreme - and it is more common than it should be - there are many ministries that don't know how to deal with conflict, differences, or simply resolve differences quickly and without major drama. The upshot is not only relationships that do not get healed but often conflict escalates rather than de-escalates, becomes a matter of obedience or submission (so now we are in the realm of sin and righteousness) but it steals amazing amounts of time from what could be productively spent elsewhere. 

I am always way when Scripture plays a big part in ministry conflict - used as a defense or hammer. What it often reveals is the defensiveness of the one using it and the spiritualization of what is often just a difference of opinion.

How we handle candid dialogue
This is the corollary. There are organizations that reflecting their leadership are "defensive" organizations, unable to tolerate, invite, listen to and value differences of opinion. Healthy organizations allow the free flow of opinions, ideas, viewpoints and convictions rather than stifle them.

When healthy EQ is present, these organizations actually realize far greater innovation and effectiveness and there is a spirit of freedom. When unhealthy EQ is present there is often fear in expressing one's opinions because it leads to conflict (above) and the inability of the organization to deal with that conflict.

How we treat people
In healthy organizational EQ, staff are valuable individuals who do ministry with - not for - their leaders. There is an egalitarian ethos where all are treated with dignity and their opinions valued no matter where they fall on the organizational chart. Whenever staff feel that they are used for the benefit of leadership or the mission there are EQ issues that are being played out.

A good test in any organization on this score is how we treat people who are at our level or below (organizationally). If there is the same honor and value placed on those who fall below us on the org chart ans there is on those above us it is a sign of good EQ.

How we deal with criticism
This goes to the issue of candid dialogue but to a different level. The ability of people to speak to dysfunction or push back in a healthy manner on one another is a critical EQ issue, especially for leaders who are most often impacted. Healthy organizations have a "nothing to to prove, nothing to lose" attitude that responds to critique non-defensively rather than with defensiveness. When that stance is taken, there are no issues because there is no defensiveness.

When leaders respond defensively there is usually a built in probability of conflict where there did not need to be. Church leaders often get themselves into trouble here by taking critique personally and circling the wagons to defend themselves. Why is that necessary and why should those who attend the church not have the ability to speak into issues that concern them? How leaders respond to critique is a sign of the EQ of the organization as a whole.

Organizational pride or humility
Ministries can be prideful or humble. The truth is that pride is always a sign of low EQ and it negatively impacts the organization because it is not able to see itself objectively. I have worked with churches, for instance, who went through an era where they were a "big deal" in their community. Decades later, even when facing decline of significant issues of health their perception of themselves is that they are still that "big deal." Unfortunately it keeps them from seeing themselves as they truly are and being willing to take a good look in the mirror.

Proud ministries don't partner well with others (they have an attitude that they can always do it better), resist any good ideas that are not their's (thus if they didn't produce it - it is not worthy), talk among themselves about how special they are and how pedestrian other ministries are and have an elevated view of themselves. Humble ministries partner well, are always looking to learn from others, understand the small place they play in the grand scheme of God and rather than lifting themselves up simply seek to do the best they can and encourage other ministries along the way.

It is worth some thinking and dialogue within your ministry as to what the EQ of your ministry is. Of course it takes humility to be willing to do that just as it does for us personally.

Is my leadership about me or about Him?

One of the fundamental differences between Saul’s leadership and David’s leadership in the Old Testament was its focus. For Saul, it was about him. He was king, he had the power and he believed that he could make the critical calls without heeding Godly advice or even God’s advice. Essentially leadership was about him. It was a self centered leadership and a selfish leadership.

Leaders who believe that it is about them become arrogant leaders who believe their own press and believe that since they got into the position it must mean that they are pretty good and have the wisdom to make the calls. One sees this in political leaders on a regular basis – and among many business leaders.

leaders in the God’s arena, however, know that we play by a different set of rules. For us, leadership is a trust. Peter makes this clear when he says to elders of the church, “Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, serving as overseers – not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away” (1 Peter 5:2-4).

What is intriguing in this passage is that Paul eliminates the motives for leadership that drive leaders – money, power and personal agendas. In fact, he makes it clear that our leadership is simply a “trust” given to us by the true leader of the church – Christ. And, he says that the core of our leadership comes from who we are and the depth that has been developed within us when he tells us to lead by being examples to the flock. He is saying that the most powerful influence, the deepest influence that we will have as leaders comes from our lives, and our lives are simply the outward expression of our inner core.

This frankly is the missing element in many who give leadership to the church. They may be good leaders but their lives do not reflect a deep inner core of spiritual maturity, wisdom, understanding and attitudes that come from a deep place within themselves. Often it is not a leadership of deep influence but rather a shallow leadership that is more about their agenda for the congregation than God’s agenda. Not necessarily out of lack of desire to serve well but because the spiritual depth has not been developed that naturally spills out in their thinking, actions and attitudes. It is a leadership that has not been marinated in the things of God.

The reason the distinction between leadership about me or Him is so central to our leadership role is that as leaders of ministries, God has an agenda for how our church or organization can specifically contribute to His work in this world. Understanding that agenda and how we can serve His plan can only come out of relationship, dependence and an understanding of what God wants to do in our world. It is not primarily about our wisdom but about His presence and our understanding of Him informing all that we do as leaders under his Lordship.

Deep influence is about influence that has been deeply informed by our relationship with God, our understanding of his character through scripture, the wisdom that comes from above rather than simply from ourselves, and the personal character, wisdom, and dependence that spills out of our lives because of the deep waters within. The deeper our leadership is informed by God and His agenda and His character within us, the deeper our influence. Our influence is actually His influence lived through us!

This last truth is the greatest reason that we ought to do all we can to go deep with God. Our influence is connected to His influence. We become His agents of influence when our lives are deeply connected and informed by Him. Our leadership is an extension of His leadership which is precisely why Peter calls elders in the church shepherds who work for the Chief Shepherd (1 Peter 5:2-4).

Our leadership is an extension of His leadership. Any eternal influence we have is an extension of His influence. Our effectiveness as leaders is directly connected to the depth of our connection and relationship with Him. Clearly, our leadership is therefore about Him and not about us. The question is whether our leadership reflects that truth.

The rear view mirror

Some things belong in our rear view mirror rather than our worrying, feeling guilty or obsessing about them. Here is a truth that many of us find hard to accept: Some situations we cannot fix, some people we cannot change and some problems we cannot solve. Often when we run up against such walls we feel guilty that we could not make it right, we wonder how we get through to people who don't want to hear and we feel anxious that we didn't do all that we could.

How many supervisors have agonized before, during and after letting someone go who needed to go! As a consultant I have encountered clients that I could not much help and watched good ministries settle for what is rather than what could be. Or, that relative who we want to help but isn't open to input. These situations can be anxiety and guilt producing and we constantly re-saw the sawdust in our mind. Or, we have finally got rid of that highly dysfunctional leader who made our life miserable but we keep dwelling on the pain.

Here is a second truth: God does not expect us to solve all the dilemmas we encounter. People make choices, organizations make choices, and some folks are not interested in hearing or changing. That is not our issue so why do we obsess about issues we cannot change?

There are some phrases that apply here: "It is done, put it behind us," "get over it," "put it in the rear-view mirror and move on." "It is not our responsibility." "We cannot solve someone's problem who does not want to hear." "Some people like their dysfunction and drama." "Let it go."

When we hang on to stuff we cannot solve we take responsibility for things that are not ours. It is wasted energy to be sure and highly unproductive to say nothing of stress producing. Let it go and put it in the rear view mirror where it belongs.

Opaque boards: When boards do their work in private rather than in the board room

There are boards that are transparent and there are boards that are opaque. Transparent boards are those where the key conversations between board members take place in the board room so that everyone is party to the conversation. This is how boards are designed to operate. 

Board members must make decisions and in order to make good decisions they need to have all the relevant information. In addition it is in the give and take of dialogue among good board members that the best decisions are made. It is a commitment to a corporate decision making model.

Unfortunately this is often not how boards operate. In many cases, leaders or powerbrokers on boards use a divide and conquer strategy. Rather than having the key conversations in the board room for all to hear they have private conversations behind the scenes with different board members which in turn influences the outcome of decisions at the board level.

Some would say this is smart politics and it is surely politics. But consider this: the practice destroys the concept of corporate decision making. This is a manipulative strategy designed to get one's desired outcome but not through group means. Not only that but it robs other board members of the information they should have. They don't know of the private conversations that have taken place and therefore are not privy to why people take the positions they take. In this scenario, the only individual who knows everything is the one who has been having the behind the scenes conversations. 

I have consulted with churches and organizations where this practice took place on a regular basis. I call it an opaque process because it is not in the open and it is not transparent. Decisions get made but not in the open - they are made behind the scenes. It is a practice designed to get one's way but not designed to reflect good governance. It disempowers those not in the know and creates triangulated relationships rather than open, honest relationships.

Opaque boards and decision making is never healthy. Avoid it at all costs.

Does your staff work for you or with you?

There is a big distinction between having staff who work for you  and staff who work with you. And it is all in the attitude of the supervisor and how they see the staff of the organization.

I meet far too many leaders who think that staff works for them. They can be demanding that staff respond to their needs when they require it - even late night phone calls to solve some travel problem. If they become irritated with staff it is easy to marginalize them, after all they have failed the leader. If they disagree with the leader they may be seen as no longer loyal. As long as staff jump to their requests and give the honor they believe due to them all is well. When that does not happen, they are easily shuttled aside. 

This is not a surprise if a leader thinks that staff are there to serve them. In fact, it is to be expected.

There are healthier leaders who see staff as those who work with them - toward a common goal. While there are levels of leadership, these leaders develop a collegial, open, candid and friendly atmosphere where everyone's work and opinion is valued and appreciated. They understand that they as leaders serve those who work for them. It is a two way street of staff serving one another in order to accomplish something important. It is with not for. 

These are the cultures where staff feel appreciated and a vital part of the enterprise or ministry. And this is where you find healthy leaders whose ego needs do not need to be met by people jumping at their request. In fact, these leaders are deeply sensitive to the implications of their requests and ensure that they do not cause undue difficulty for staff.

In your organization if you lead. Do staff work for you or with you?

Secure and insecure leaders

One of the key indicators of success or failure in ministry is the measure of personal security one has. The higher the level of security, the more likely there will be long term ministry success. The higher the level of insecurity, the more likely there will be a train wreck along the way - or a lot of pain.

The reason for this is that insecurity brings with it behaviors which hurt and compromise relationships while security brings behaviors that build long term healthy relationships. Because ministry is all about relationships insecure individuals end up sabotaging the very relationships that give them leadership capital. Secure individuals are able to build long term healthy relationships.

For example, insecure individuals do not know how to deal with those who disagree with them. They often become defensive when they perceive that others either disagree or are pressing for a different direction. That defensiveness says, "I don't want to hear what you have to say!" Which, of course shuts down constructive dialogue. A secure individual is non defensive in the face of alternate options and communicates "I have an open mind, lets talk."

That goes to the issue of dialogue. Have you ever had to negotiate an issue with an insecure individual? It can be like trying to talk to a wall. It is a one way conversation. There is no sense that the other party is open to what one is tying to communicate. This of course kills relationship. The opposite is true with secure individuals who invite dialogue, there is back and forth, questions are asked and answered and often there is movement on both sides to move toward a common view.

Secure individuals understand that compromise is not a bad thing, in fact, getting to a consensus is a healthy place to be. Insecure individuals frankly don't know how to compromise because they have a set view of what should be and anything that does not fit that view is a threat to their personal well being. Thus insecure people polarize others: they either see them on their side or against them. Even good people who disagree with them find themselves on the out list and again relationship is lost.

Because insecure individuals polarize, they are unable to seek and receive counsel from a variety of people who could speak into their lives or situations. Rather they listen to those who agree with them and therefore contribute to their sense of being right. This automatically disempowers anyone who might take an alternate view - and it is one of the reasons that boards become divided when insecure pastors start to only listen to those who agree with them. Those who don't happen to agree are simply marginalized.

Over time when this happens, those who are marginalized simply leave leadership and often the church. They no longer have a voice and don't feel valued.

The personal security or insecurity of senior leaders has huge ramifications for a ministry as a whole. Insecure leaders end up destroying relationships. Secure leaders build relationships. The first will also hurt the ministry. The second will build a ministry. It is a serious issue.

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) has a huge impact on our leadership, relationships and influence. Poor EQ causes us to lose coinage with others while good EQ does just the opposite. Think through the following indicators of good EQ and evaluate how well you are doing in these crucial areas.

I am approachable and have a nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude
I seek to resolve conflict quickly and well
I am self defined but always leave the door open for dialogue with those who disagree and work to keep the relationship
I live with self confidence but not hubris
I am highly flexible
I seek to understand myself well including, weaknesses and strengths and the shadow side
I ask others for feedback on my behaviors
I am a team player and value “us” more than “me”
I work very hard to understand others and put myself in their place
I don’t hold grudges and extend forgiveness easily
I don’t need to be popular but I do desire to be respected
When conflict occurs I take responsibility for my part
There are no issues that are off limits for my team to discuss
I am patient with people and always give them the benefit of the doubt
I have a sense of humor about myself and don’t take myself too seriously

Right people, right seat: often the most important issue

It was a conversation between myself and an executive pastor over a number of issues he faces in his large church. As we discussed these challenges, almost every one of them came down to a singe issue: having the right staff in the right seat on the bus.

We pay far too little attention to the issue of "right staff, right seat." Wrong staff - those who are not suited for what they do, or are placed in a place where they cannot play to their strengths cause huge frustrations for supervisors and the rest of the team. This executive pastor was focusing on the issues he faced but not on the source of the issues which were in almost each case staff issues.

It is amazing how many issues are solved when there is a great fit between a needed role and a staff member who fits that role. No longer is there a need to closely supervise the staff member and there is not the frustration of lack of alignment or sub standard work. When the fit is right there is synergy and effectiveness. When it is wrong, there is frustration and ineffectiveness.

Often when talking to leaders about staff issues they recount their frustrations with a specific staff member and a history of ineffectiveness. When I suggest that the best predictor of future performance is past performance they agree but keep hoping that the situation will change. Usually it will not - unless you can find another role where the staff member can better play to their strengths.

The more supervision that is required, the less likely it is that the staff member in question is in the right spot. Rather than upping the supervision it is probably time to look closely at the job fit. And to realize that trying to make the fit work probably will not work. If the strengths and capacity do not match, nothing you do will make it match.

Remember too that the frustration of the supervisor is often matched by frustration by the staff member. Keeping the staff member in a spot that does not play to their strengths and allow them to be effective, is not in the best interests of the staff member. In other words, making a change solves problems all around but it takes the courage to do so.

The issue is rarely about the character of the staff member. More likely it is about their wiring, strengths and capacity. Entering into a dialogue with them on where they can be best utilized based on these factors, while sometimes difficult, honors them by focusing on where they will be most successful - and ultimately fulfilled.

Four characteristics of dysfunctional leaders who create chaos in their organizations

Ministry leaders often bring significant chaos to an organization when their own EQ (Emotional Intelligence) becomes a barrier to their leadership. It may not manifest itself in the beginning but over time these dysfunctions become issues for their staff, the direction of the organization and the ability of the organization to move to a new level

Defensiveness
Defensive leaders face a dilemma. It is not easy for their staff to address issues that need to be addressed, especially if the leader feels that it involves him/her. That inability often creates crisis situations where things finally blow up and then need to be massaged because the feelings of the leader have been hurt. 

The upshot is that issues are never really resolved but often move in a cycle of a blow up, some sort of peacemaking and then another blow up and the cycle goes on. Eventually good people get tired of the drama and choose to move on.

Ego needs
Leaders who confuse their identity with their ministry are usually unable to let go, empower others and allow other voices to speak into situations. Their need for approval, for being at the center of the ministry and a need to control coupled with defensiveness puts staff in a difficult situation. Everything ultimately revolves around the leader and their needs. Ego also needs make it hard for such leaders to see issues in an objective manner because criticism even when constructive is seen as a threat. 

Because of their defensiveness, staff members may regularly play to the ego of their leader in order to get things done which feeds an unhealthy addiction all the while preventing candid, honest dialogue around real organizational issues. The result is a significant amount of drama around the leader and their relationships along with an inability of staff to make independent decisions.

Lack of self definition
The first two dysfunctions feed a third which is the inability of leaders to stake a position that is consistent. Because defensiveness prevents true dialogue and because ego needs drive their leadership, these leaders often move from one position to another - often in the direction of the last individual who stroked their ego. It is why such leaders change their minds often which causes all kinds of issues for staff or volunteers.

Triangulation
Leaders who suffer from these dysfunctions often prefer private conversations with staff or board members rather than laying all the cards on the table in a group setting where they cannot control the outcome as easily. It is a divide and conquer strategy which allows the leader to bond with another individual on issues but not allow the give and take of opinions and options that takes place in a group setting. It comes out of their need to control rather than to allow robust dialogue.

These dysfunctions create a fair amount of chaos, relational issues and drama. Whenever those characteristics are present it pays to look more closely at the EQ of the leader. They set the stage for either a healthy or dysfunctional organization. More importantly these dysfunctions keep the organization from becoming all that it can be. It is literally held hostage by the EQ issues of the leader.

If you are fifty plus this question is for you

Questions are amazingly powerful tools to challenge our thinking and to rock our paradigms. Just one question, if the Holy Spirit has been working in someones heart can crystallize an idea, a dream or awaken a passion that has been dormant. Questions are powerful which is why I love to ask them and see what happens.

Here is a question I often ask of people in their forties or early fifties. By then, they have a pretty good understanding of themselves and they have yet unfulfilled dreams - which often lay beneath their own consciousness: "What do you want to accomplish between now and when you retire?"

That question, to a fifty something has meaning because they know that the years ahead of them are dwindling and fewer than the years behind them. For those truly motivated by influence they also want to make those years count in a larger way than the years that have already passed.

Here is why the question is so powerful. Often, the answer that comes is not consistent with the job or ministry that the person currently is in. Which means that the dream they have is not going to be fulfilled where they are - and the question brings to the surface - often over a period of reflection - dreams that God has laid on hearts that to be fulfilled will mean re-evaluating their current job or ministry.

This does not mean that they are in the wrong place now. God uses our now to prepare us for our future. What it does mean is that in order to fulfill the dream or passion God has laid on their heart that they may need to move to a different ministry platform.

Several years ago a pastor in his fifties came to my office to talk. He had a great church and a productive ministry. But as he looked at his last run his heart desire was to influence, mentor and equip many church leaders. This led him eventually to join ReachGlobal in the capacity of a global equipper of church leaders. His prior ministry was great. His new ministry answered the passion in his heart to equip multiple leaders and expand his legacy.

If you have not asked that question yourself, I challenge you to do so. If you have the opportunity to ask others, try it. Questions are powerful. This one is both powerful and enlightening.

Six areas that every leader needs to have clarity on

A critical factor in leadership development is that of coming to maximum clarity in a number of areas. This clarity frees us from the expectations of others and allows us to lead from a reliable internal compass. Unpredictable leaders or those who change direction often or who are hard to predict lack such internal clarity. As a result they create confusion for those around them as they struggle with their own issues.

Think about these areas of clarity:

One: Clarity around who God created us to be. God gave me a few specific gifts, the same with you. Being clear on how God gifted us allows us to focus in on what we are good at and find ways to say no to those things we are not good at. God designed us the way He did for a specific purpose!

Two: Clarity around how we lead. I cannot lead like you and you cannot lead like me. We can all learn from one another but ultimately we must lead out of who God made us to be. Leadership styles vary and they reflect our wiring and gifting.

Three: Clarity around who we need on our team. Because our skill set is limited we need others with requisite skills to work with us in the accomplishment of our mission. Being clear on what we bring to the table and what we need others to bring to the table is an important skill to develop. 

Four: Clarity about what drives us. For those of us in Christian ministry this is especially important. What motivates me and drives me? Is it more about me or more about God? It is easy to confuse the two and when it is about us we will often use people for our purposes rather than steward them for God's purposes. Understanding our hearts is critical for healthy leaders.

Five: Clarity over a cause worth giving our lives to. Some settle for a job while others pursue a calling. It is easy to settle into mid life with a job and rather than a calling. The best leaders always pursue a calling and never settle for a job.

Six: Clarity of being able to say no and feel good about it. This only comes when we have clarity on our calling, our gifting, our wiring and what it is that God has called us to do at this point in our lives. Until we can say no to those things we are not called to do so that we can say yes to those things we are called to do and feel good about it we don't live with adequate clarity.

Increasing our level of clarity allows us to lead with greater focus and a strong compass. 

Managing the anxiety trap

How we deal with those situations that make us anxious is both a sign of our EQ (Emotional Intelligence) and our faith in a sovereign God. 

Here is how Wikipedia defines anxiety: "Anxiety is a feeling of fear, worry and uneasiness, usually generalized and unfocused as an overreaction to a situation that is only subjectively seen as menacing. It is often accompanied by restlessness, fatigue, problems in concentration and muscular tension. Anxiety is not considered to be a normal reaction to a perceived stressor although many feel it occasionally."

What makes anxiety interesting is that it is an emotion caused by a perceived threat or issue, not one that has actually emerged. In other words it is stress caused by what might happen, not what is happening. What it can do is trigger words, actions, decisions and responses that get us in trouble - all because of what might happen.

Anxiety robs of time, energy, focus and joy. But like any emotion it can be managed and if one is in leadership must be managed since our anxiety spills over to those who are around us. From a practical standpoint anxiety is wasted energy because perceived threats are not real threats. Yes they might become real and at that time one needs to deal with them but until they do it is a waste of time to worry about them. There are innumerable bad things that can happen but they rarely do.

Anxiety is also a test of our trust in a sovereign God. If He is in control of our lives we should not focus on what might happen but on a good and loving and sovereign Father. We ought to take the advice of God through Isaiah more often: Be still and know that I am God." Only He knows if our perceived threats are real threats and we can leave any of them with Him. They are not threats to Him.

Finally anxiety is a matter of our EQ. Healthy individuals manage their emotions and this includes anxiety. They choose not to focus on what might happen but on what does happen and even then seek to control and manage their emotions so that they don't respond impulsively.

Anxiety is a trap. Don't allow yourself to get caught in it.

Looking away from the lamppost

"If you want to understand why some companies lack innovative ideas, think about the man who can't find his car keys. His friend asks him why he's looking for the keys under the lamppost when he dropped them over on the lawn. 'Because there's more light over here,' the man explains.

"For too many companies, that describes their search for new ideas, and it pretty much guarantees they won't go anywhere fast. While a company can marginally improve what it's already good at, it misses out on the breakthroughs - those eureka moments when a new concept pops up, as if from nowhere, and changes a company's fortunes forever.

"Those ideas, however, don't really come from nowhere. Instead they are typically at the edge of a company's radar screen, and sometimes a bit beyond.....In other words, they have to look away from the lamppost." (In Search of Innovation, John Bessant, Katherin Moslein,and Bettina von Stamm, The Wall Street Journal, Monday, June 22, 2009, R4.

I could not agree more with this observation. I find that ministry organizations want to improve - but they are in large part so cautious of change or major new ideas that they tweak endlessly and see very little change in outcomes. Those that look away from the lamppost and are willing to take major risks in a new way of thinking, are the ones that see the major rewards.

The organization I lead, ReachGlobal - the international mission of the EFCA has been seeking to look away from the lamppost in order to seek quantum leaps in our effectiveness. It has been a stretch for some but it is paying off. Some examples....

Instead of focusing our efforts on only partnering with other Free Church movements globally (the old way) or planting new Free church movements (the old way) we now will partner with anyone who has the same theology, ethos and missional goals regardless of the denominational name over the door (the new way). That is a big shift and it has opened up numerous partnerships for us with groups that are healthy, indigenous, self supporting, interdependent and reproducing (the new goal).

We are no longer focused on what we can do by ourselves as missionaries (the old way) but rather on how we can come alongside other healthy movements and leaders, find out what their needs are and serve their needs in order for them to be as effective as possible in the planting of healthy churches (the new way). We are no longer in the drivers seat in many ways (the old way) but are now the servants of those we serve (the new way).

All of that creates another seismic shift. Because we are serving others, we do not control anything, own anything or count anything as "ours." That was the old way. The new way is giving ministry away freely, developing, empowering and releasing others in meaningful, missional ministry without needing to control, to count or own. Interestingly enough, because we are no longer perceived to be about control, ownership or counting as ours, indigenous partners are knocking on our door asking if we can work with them. They know that we will serve them but not control them.

Rather than relying on our expertise as American missionaries (the old way), we are actively inviting into our leadership ranks nationals from other cultures and nations (the new way) who bring with them expertise, knowledge, ideas and insights we could never have imagined. Sure, it rocks the boat and causes waves at times but we are far better off for taking the risk and allowing them to take us out of our comfort zone.

The point is that tweaking our ministries by looking under the lamppost will not give us the innovative ideas and leverage points that are possible if we will take larger risks for greater rewards. But to do that you have to be looking away from the lamppost not under it. Where are you looking?

Helping individuals and organizations go to the next level of effectiveness. TJ Addington can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

Architects, contractors and builders

Are you an architect, contractor or builder? Understanding which role you play and then ensuring that you primarily stay in that role can make all the difference in your success.

Architects are those who design ministry philosophy, structures and who connect the dots on mission, vision, guiding principles and end results. Like architects of building projects they do a lot of thinking, dreaming of what can be and look for design options that will best leverage their ministry. Generally there is one key architect in an organization - the senior leader of the organization or of a division.

Architects then find contractors who can ensure that the vision is carried out. Contractors are team leaders who can oversee the building out of major ministry areas. They spend enough time with the architect to ensure that they understand the plan and the blueprint as their part of the building must be in sync with the plans and work of the other contractor teams. No team is independent of the other or the structure is unsound. The larger the ministry the more critical it is that team leaders spend with one another and the architect to ensure alignment and a solid ministry structure. It takes a specific skill for contractors to build great teams of builders, to stay in alignment with other contractors and to always be building in sync with the blueprint.

The vast majority of us are of course builders, working for a specific contractor (team leader) with the skill needed to build out our part of the ministry. Builders must be team players because they work with a team of specialists to accomplish a specific task. They more they understand the whole, however, the greater their ability to ensure that their part fits the whole and to make building (ministry) decisions that fit the overall blueprint.

Architects (senior leaders) get themselves into trouble when they do not design clear and coherent blueprints for the organization and work closely with their contractors (team leaders) to ensure that the plan they have is strong, aligned, feasible and can product the desired result. They also get into trouble when they move out of their architectural role to try to tell the contractors what to do or how to do their work. If you are the senior leader of an organization or division how are you doing on the architectural piece?

Contractors get into trouble when they don't understand or buy into the blueprints of the ministry. Or when they try to build their piece of the building (ministry) without regard to the other contractors and their teams. Contractors play three roles. They ensure that their ministry is in sync with the overall vision and commitments of the organization. They ensure that what they do is in sync with other ministry leaders in the organization. And they ensure that they have a quality results oriented team. If you are a contractor, how are you doing in your role?

Builders get into trouble when they don't work with other members of their team to ensure the best work possible done in the most efficient way possible. Team means everything to a builder who must work on a project in sync with others. Non team players on ministry teams hurt the whole team. They also get into trouble when they don't understand how their piece of the ministry pie fits with the other pieces so that there is a coherent whole. If you are a builder, how are you doing in your building role?

In too many ministries there is not clear architecture, there is not alignment and cooperation between ministries and playing on a unified team is not a reality. This hurts everyone. How is your team, leadership community or senior leader doing?

Oh: unless there is a whole lot of communication, cooperation and goodwill between architects builders and contractors...the process does not work. Architects, builders and contractors who don't talk to one another or listen to one another...get what they built and it is often not pretty!

God is always just on time

It is a big deal in business and industry - just on time delivery. Rather than warehouse inventory the big deal is to have inventory get to you just when you need to deliver it, not before. It saves a great deal of money and is far more efficient.

God works the same way in regard to our needs, whether in our ministries or personal lives. Often, He does not send what we need beforehand but He is never late. He is just on time!

A friend shared last week how they received a gift of $2,000 just as they needed it. Another friend whose ministry has been in real need of cash for a year and a half received one million in financing last week. Here is the interesting thing about that financing: He has been looking for it for a long time but in retrospect he said, it was a blessing it did not come prior to now because of how God used the interim period without that financing to do things that would not have happened if the money had been their earlier. God knew what he did not know and delivered what was needed at the perfect time.

This is where trust and faith in God's eternal and sovereign plan plays into our lives and ministries. He knows what we don't know. He has promised to supply our needs but tells us not to worry about "tomorrow." The tomorrows belong to Him, not to us. And He knows which tomorrow is the tomorrow when our needs will be met perfectly. And He shows up - just on time.

He also knows when to not answer our prayers - at the time - because in not doing so He knows that we will find breakthroughs that we would not have found otherwise. When North Coast Church in Vista was in a relocation process they were held up for several years by a lawsuit from neighbors who did not want them building on their property. The church kept growing however, and they were forced to look for alternative ways of doing ministry. So was born the multiple venue system of worship which has allowed North Coast to grow to over 7,000 before the move and has influenced churches all over the United States and beyond. What they saw as a hassle (a lawsuit) was actually a blessing that blessed thousands of churches across the country.

God is always on time. But it is always His time rather than our time. And because we are in a hurry when He is not we are constantly encouraged grow in faith. As we grow in faith we become more comfortable to live in His time zone rather than in ours.

God asks us to pray for our daily needs. And then to trust Him for His provision, which will show up at His perfect time - not ours. But His time is indeed perfect.

Three questions every leader should ask - in this order

Every leader should be able to answer three questions regarding the team or organization they lead. They are not always easy questions to answer but they will spell the difference between success or non-success in their leadership.

One: Am I absolutely clear on what the outcome of our ministry needs to be? Why start with this question? Because the target drives the next two questions and without clarity on the goal one is simply doing nice things not focused work.

Two: Do we know what activities best support the results we are after? Not all activity is equally effective. The work of a team or organization should be specifically designed to reach the stated goals. Often they are not. So simple but often ignored. How does the activity you have support the goal you are after? And is it the best activity (strategy) to achieve what you are after? Are you satisfied with the answer?

Three: Do I have the right people in the right seat in order to focus on the strategies need to achieve the intended result? This is a hard one because we get stuck in our organizational paradigms and often don't realize that either we are not structured to get the result we want or that we don't have the right people to do so. That requires some hard decisions.

We often start at the beginning when often we need to start at the end (what are we after) and then back up to (what will get us to what we are after) and finally to evaluate whether we have the right people positioned in the right way to get us there.

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com.

Is your staff more family or more team?

I am working with a church that is in a common spot. Their staff is more like a family than a team and they need to make the transition from family to team.

Staff as family has an upside and downside. The upside of course is that there are loving and caring relationships - which should characterize any healthy staff. But there is a downside when staff see themselves as family. There is often a reluctance to push into issues together that need to be addressed for fear of stepping on the toes of "family members." In other words, collegiality becomes a higher value than robust dialogue or honest feedback.

The issue of results and accountability for results often suffers in this environment. As a family member, I am unlikely to try to hold my brothers and sisters accountable for results which means that staff as family has very loose accountability and often, staff members who are unproductive are not challenged for years even though everyone is aware of the lack of productivity. Even leadership is hard in "staff as family" because in a family system consensus rather than leadership is the key factor with family members uneasy about creating waves or stepping into leadership.

I come from a large family and know the delicacy of family relationships and where one might or might not go or might or might not say. In the same way when staff is family there are clear limits on where staff go with one another, even if it means elephants in the room that everyone knows are there.

Staff as family is often "nice" but not very missional. Families exist as families, not as missional teams. Staff as a healthy team is a whole other matter. It is collegial for sure but it is also deeply missional.

I would describe a healthy team as a group of missionally aligned and healthy individuals working strategically together under good leadership toward common objectives, with accountability for results.

Healthy teams are about alignment of the whole organization around a passionately held common mission. They are synergistic in harnessing the various gifts on the team and focus on the bottom line, which is delivering on the mission - achieving actual results. They are egalitarian in culture where robust dialogue is encouraged and they are led by healthy leaders who love to empower and release team members to do their thing. The ethos is characterized by a commitment to results, good emotional intelligence among members and meaningful meetings.

Think about the contrast between a culture of "family" and a culture of "team." The first reminds me of "Minnesota nice" where only nice things are said and truth often gets lost in the shuffle. The other is deeply missional and synergistic around a mission one is passionate about under good leadership.

The transition from family to team is not always easy. A new set of rules need to be learned. Relationships need to be renegotiated around mission rather than "best friends." Some make the transition well - usually those who are committed to real results and missional effectiveness. Some never make the transition because it imposes a whole new work ethic and level of personal discipline.

In fact, your best players will be frustrated with staff as family precisely because it lacks the missional focus, synergy, discipline, focus on results and leadership. They will flourish, however, in staff as team if it is a healthy team with the right players.

If you are on staff, which paradigm describes your staff: family or team?

Conversations - why they matter

I recently was asked to sign a document that I could not in good conscience sign. Thus I asked for a conversation with the individual who was requesting it. What I received instead was an email that stated a position based on incorrect assumptions and fears. Not only did it shut down any dialogue but it was decidedly not a conversation.

When there is an issue to be resolved, email missives rarely resolve them. Often they escalate rather than deescalate conflict. They are one way communications that state positions which is not a conversation. When dealing with conflictual situations they are by nature impersonal and decidedly one sided. 

Conversations, on the other hand, are an exchange of ideas, positions or concerns that have the potential to clarity and get to issues that underlie one's concerns. It allows for questions and clarifications between two mature individuals. Often, even if there is not full resolution there is much better understanding from such dialogue.

If the individual above had been willing to converse I believe that many of his concerns would have been alleviated. Instead, by shutting down conversation (stating a position in an email with underlying wrong assumptions) he lives with his unfounded fears.

Where there is an issue, don't negotiate it by email. Try a conversation. It is more productive and certainly the more mature route to take. Any of us can state positions by impersonal email. Being willing to engage in a conversation demonstrates both greater humility and EQ and it has the potential to resolve thorny issues.

Reflect, focus and refocus

New Years is an important time for all of us. It is a time of endings (the past year is behind us) and beginnings (a new year is ahead of us). It should therefore be a time of reflection, focusing and refocusing.

Reflection on the past year is important. How have we experienced God's goodness in our lives? What lessons have we learned. How has the Holy Spirit shaped us? Even for those who don't normally journal, jotting these things down will remind us of our growth in Him, His faithfulness to us and it becomes a milestone in our journey. 

Focusing on what we need to pay attention to this coming year is also important. Often that becomes clearer to us as we consider the year past. For me this involves the three to five truly critical things that I know I need to focus my life on.

The refocus is thinking through how I ensure that those big rocks I need to focus on get into my calendar for 2014. What will it take for me to accomplish what God has put in front of me? It is connecting the compass (my priorities) with the clock (my calendar).

I am thankful for seasons because they bring new beginnings, new possibilities and closure to situations that I would rather leave behind. Some have recently commented to me that they want to leave 2013 in the rear-view mirror. Now it is. The question is what we will do with 2014. It is in the headlights before us. Together with God, let's make the most of it. With each year the milestone numbers go up and the number left go down.

Why I am leaving the "ministry"

A fascinating post about professional ministry in America

Why I am leaving the "Ministry"

When leaders struggle with disillusionment

Ministry is not for the faint of heart or the easily discouraged. Disappointments can be many and even the best of leaders struggle with disillusionment from time to time.

Usually when we do so it is because we have lost perspective on the part we play in God's redemptive history and the part He plays. They two are not the same! We are players in a much larger drama that is being directed by God, not us. 

When discouragement and disillusionment come we as leaders need to be reminded of what we tell others...

One: God is good all the time even though we live in a fallen world. His goodness can always be counted on and must be trusted in for if He is not good the very character of God proclaimed in Scripture cannot be trusted.

Two: God’s goodness does not preclude us from suffering. Indeed, we share in the fellowship of His sufferings and our scars become divine scars if we trust Him in the mist of our pain.

Three: God’s ways are indeed inscrutable to human eyes: majestic, eternal, sovereign and divinely good in ways that we cannot understand this side of eternity. We exist as part of a divine drama on a stage so large and complex that we often can only comprehend a small portion of the unfolding story.

Four: There is an eternal purpose in all things that transcends our limited understanding.  But that purpose is good and will be fulfilled in the glory of God being known across our globe. Often, failure and pain are the antecedents to amazing glory and eternal success.

Five: We play a humble part in God’s eternal purposes and cannot personalize His ways as our responsibility.  We live with the joy and pain and difficulties of this life. When we carry burdens He was meant to carry rather than us we become weary, disillusioned and often angry. They are His purposes, His burdens, and a part of His inscrutable plan. We must leave them to Him.

When we become disillusioned it is usually because we have taken on responsibility we should not take on. And, have usually lost our perspective on the part God plays and the part we play in His purposes.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Habits that set the best leaders apart from other leaders

The best leaders have developed habits that allow them to become what they are. Some of the habits that set them apart from other leaders are:

·       They are more reflective

·       They take the time to think more deeply

·       They spend more time understanding themselves and those       they lead

·       They are more deeply committed to understanding God           and his Word and discerning his direction

·       They ask more and better questions

·       They take more time to evaluate success and effectiveness
         in their own lives and in the ministry the lead

·       They do less so that they can accomplish more

·       They spend more time thinking about what they should do

·       They think long term rather than short term

·       They are more concerned about the quality of their inner         life than the success of their outer life

·       They are deeply sensitive to the voice of God in their               lives and leadership

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

The most important decision of the year

Each of us has made innumerable decisions in the past year. The most important decision we will make, however, may still be in front of us. 

It is this: What are the three to five truly important things that I need to focus on in the coming year?

Those who make the greatest impact do so not because they necessarily work harder than others. Rather, they are more focused than others. They live intentional rather than accidental lives and they answer the important questions like the one above.

Understanding what our focus for the next year needs to be is like having a personal compass that keeps us pointed in the right direction. Likewise our calendars are like a clock. When we connect the compass (our priorities) to the clock (our calendar) we have a roadmap for the coming 12 months.

Don't go into the new year without knowing where you need to go and having a plan to get there. These are not New Year resolutions but rather intentional decisions that help us maximize the time God has given us.

My 29 year old son has an app on his phone that counts down the days, hours and minutes until he reaches 70. It is a constant reminder that we don't have unlimited time and that we need to use it wisely. In light of that, the most important decision you make this year may still be ahead of you.

The diminishing practice of taking responsibility for our actions, lives and situations

We have an epidemic in our society of not taking responsibility for issues in our lives and leadership. From the highest office in government where no one seems to be responsible for major failures, to Christian leaders who blame others for their failures or refuse to make them right to everyday situations in our lives where we find it easy to blame, ignore or spin so that we don't  have to take personal responsibility.  At its base the problem is dishonesty, our own sinfulness, pride and a failure to face what we need to face and make it right or take personal action.

Ironically, not only is taking responsibility for our actions the right thing to do but it actually builds confidence and trust in others because they see that we are committed to doing the right thing. Even when we may have created a mess!

What does taking responsibility entail? It starts with admitting to ourselves the truth about our actions when we have failed in some way - whether large or small. That self honesty should lead to honesty with those we have affected. It means we need to be willing to say such things as "I was wrong and I need your forgiveness," "I really screwed this up and want to make it right," or similar words. Until we are willing to truthfully admit out loud to those we have hurt or impacted we have not take responsibility. It should be done if possible in person and with total truth, not blaming others or circumstances.

That admission must lead to the steps necessary to make things right in whatever way we can. This is a humbling process and requires the humility of admission, asking forgiveness where necessary and being willing to submit to others when necessary.

While I am distressed by the lack of transparency and truthfulness in government I am even more distressed by Christian leaders who do not take responsibility for their actions, admit their culpability and make things right. Leaders who spiritualize the poor decisions they make as if God is somehow responsible for the outcome.

A life of responsibility starts with the small things. No one compromises on large issues without first compromising on small issues. It is the small compromises which lead to the large compromises. It is also the taking responsibility in the small things that gives one the ability to do it in large things. Both taking responsibility and not taking responsibility are habits of our lives. The first leads to a life of integrity while the second to a life of compromise. We have everything to gain by taking appropriate responsibility and everything to lose by not doing so. 

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

Silence, Chaos, Rejoicing, and Holy Awe

Silence

The heavens held their collective breath for the Son was gone. The unimaginable was unfolding. The One who had superintended creation was now ready to be born a creature. What could this mean? Majesty of heaven rejected for the poverty of a squalid earth and a people who had rejected truth too many times to count. They had traded the garden for a lie and now the creator traded majesty for obscurity. It was a silence of unbelief, awe, apprehension and wonder!

Chaos

Nativity scenes are peaceful and neat but this night in Bethlehem was anything but. The tiny town was full of travelers, the inns and taverns were full and noisy and crowed and smelly. Desperately, a man tried to find a place for his wife, swollen with child, water about to break, a place where a child could be born in dignity but it was not to be. Instead, it was the to be with the animals, hay and manure, the sounds and smells of the adjacent Inn intruding on this holy moment.

Rejoicing

The silence of heaven gave way to song and praise and rejoicing penetrating the chasm between heaven and earth so that even poor shepherds heard the choir and angelic announcement. This first musical Christmas card came not to the mighty and powerful but to the poor and powerless: A symbol of the Kingdom that was coming - good news for those who needed the same. Good news of a great joy which shall be for all people. Even us, even today! A Savior, who is Christ the Lord. Now there was silence on earth as the shepherds tried to understand the import of the news. 

Holy Awe

There was one who knew that the universe had changed and that what was was not what would be: Mary. Too young to be jaded, faith filled and and in awe of the child that lay at her breast. For she knew that He was not of this earth though she did not know the price He would pay. She remembered the angel who had visited her upon her pregnancy. Now she heard the report of the shepherds who came to visit. All the people wondered at their report but Mary, treasured up these things pondering them in her heart. She knew, not fully, but she knew! 

We know fully for we know the rest of the story. Does it move us as it moved the heavens, the angels, the shepherds, the people of Bethlehem and Mary? This is a day to consider, to rejoice and to be awed at the love that drove a rejected Savior to save the broken, the needy, each of us who have received Him in faith.

A story stranger than fiction

One of my favorite blogs so I share it again on this Christmas eve. May your Christmas celebrations be blessed with faith, family and friends

No story is better known. No story better captures the heart of a child - small or grown - than the one we celebrate today. No matter how many times we hear the story it never grows old, it never disappoints, never ceases to evoke deep emotions of wonder, awe and comfort. An angel’s proclamation to illiterate shepherds, a teenage unwed mother, a loyal carpenter fiancee, the evil king Herod, a cold, clear, Bethlehem night without a place to stay. A messy birth in an animal’s stall, alongside a dirty alley in the dark of night. Confused cows watching unknowing as the Son of the universe stares back unknowing at the very animals He had created eons before. A mother, a child, a carpenter, a few agitated animals and the pungent smell of manure.


This is a story so absurd that it could only have been scripted by a Divine hand. No other writer would have attempted such a script. If they had they would not have claimed it to be true: fiction maybe, but not reality. This is not how the One whose voice had echoed off of a billion galaxies would make His entrance. Without CNN and Fox News, into a hovel known affectionately today as Bethlehem but then nothing more than a tiny village on the path to Jerusalem. 

His entrance was marked not by a proclamation to kings but to astonished herdsmen sleeping with sheep. The heavens opened with ten thousand voices – not over Jerusalem the ancient capital – but over a tiny grazing field for a handful of insignificant shepherds. They would be the only witnesses of the grand entrance of a King. No other writer would have written such a script. 

No other author would have taken such a chance. For behind this story there are echoes of another story - equally incredulous. Centuries before in the vastness of eternity past – when infinity kissed infinity, The Master of Infinity spoke into being the universe in which we live - 3,000 of whose stars are visible to the careful eye, 30 billion visible from a large telescope, - the other 90% of the universe still hidden from our eyes. Its splendor an eternal testimony to the Author of the story.

Immortal, invisible, God only wise,
In light inaccessible hid from our eyes,
Most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,
Almighty, victorious, Thy great name we praise.

Great Father of glory, pure Father of light,
Thine angels adore thee, all veiling their sight;
All praise we would render: O help us to see
Tis only the splendor of light hideth Thee.
(Walter Chalmers Smith)

The Author’s heart was restless still, lonely in His perfection. A heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longed to give away infinite love. Again the Author spoke: A planet was expertly crafted. One among billions. A people wonderfully created – in the image of the Author. Free to love, free to experience the infinite goodness of the Author. Free to revel in His infinite Love. But above all free. Love cannot be forced and remain love.

We are not the sole owners of broken hearts. No heart suffered such sorrow as Infinite Love rejected. Image bearers rejected the Image Maker. The story’s characters fired the Author to write their own script. Unmatched, searing pain pierced the Author’s heart as the loved jilted the Lover. 

Chaos infiltrated beauty. A planet was hijacked and spun out of control. Poverty of spirit supplanted endless joy. Unfulfilled hearts realized the pain of lost love. Without the Author, individual story lines faltered – and failed. Sadness reigned. Darkness descended in seeming endless gloom.

Truth can be stranger than fiction. For in the pained heavens the grieving Author plotted love’s revenge. An awesome revenge that only Divinity could contrive – that only Divinity would contrive. Having lost His loved, the Lover would send His most loved to reclaim His heart’s desire. The rejected Creator would kiss the unfaithful created. Tender mercy in place of deserved destruction. An astonished heaven broke into unbelieving applause. Image bearers would be reclaimed by the Image Maker. Light would once again prevail over darkness. Brokenness would be made whole. Peace would triumph over chaos.

All was silent in the heavens on the chosen night. Angels held their corporate breath. For nine months the Son had been absent, resident in a young girls womb, coming to us not as a king but incognito, just one of thousands of children that would be born on a lonely planet that night – into the darkness that our word had become. Placenta covered the Son of the universe arriving to claim back His beloved: this time, one by one, heart by heart. Tender mercy arriving in disguise: one of us, one like us. On that night, the Author personally entered our story. 

Such humility our world has never known. A stunning reversal for a world gone astray. A Heart full of love is not easily satisfied. Transcendent goodness longing to give away infinite love, arriving under cover of night in order to “shine on those living in darkness…to guide our feet into the path of peace.” (Luke 1:27).

When an author writes, each character is unique; each has his or her own storyline. We, each have a story – unique, unrepeated, singular. Each story has its own joy, its own pain, its own pathos and unmatched quality. But each shares one singular, astonishing feature. We are made in the Author’s image, and He will not rest until we have invited Him to join in our story. 

More astonishing than the script He has authored, the story we celebrate today is that He also wants to enter into your story. This is the most ancient of stories but it is also the most contemporary of stories. The Christmas story is but one chapter in the Author’s divine script. The Author is still writing. And every person who invites Him into their story becomes a separate and unique chapter in His unfinished book. And into each story He brings His light and peace. 

“For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.” (John 3:16-17.)

Have you invited Him into your story?