It's about the Bride not the brand

I am a senior vice president of the EFCA - a brand of the church. Having said that, one of my core convictions is that while brands can be helpful in the spread of the Gospel, at the end of the day my concern should not be about the brand but about the Bride. Jesus died for the Bride, not my brand (hard as that is for some to believe, given our often parochial attitudes toward those of another brand). 

Most of us like the brand we worship in, which is why we are there. I like the broad evangelical parameters of the EFCA and the freedom I have as the leader of ReachGlobal, its international mission. But, my highest allegiance is always to the Bride of Christ, His church, of which mine is but one small expression.

When we value the Bride over the brand we become open to working with other churches to bring the Gospel in a relevant way to our communities, something none of us can do ourselves. Moving from competition to cooperation in the spread of the Gospel is an expression of mature leadership that places what is close to God's heart (that people respond to His good news) above our parochial interests.

There is nothing wrong with brands. But think of the power of the unity of the church when we choose to work with other like minded evangelical churches and denominations to reach our communities and the unreached globally. It is a visible expression of the unity that Jesus prays for in John 17, by which the world knows that we are in Him and He in us. There will be no Presbyterians or Baptists or Free Church folks in heaven (really!). Just worshipers of Jesus Christ. I suspect we will quickly realize that those things that once divided us were insignificant compared to what should have united us - the Gospel and person of Jesus Christ.

It is for this reason that ReachGlobal does not plant EFC churches internationally but works to plant healthy, reproducing, interdependent, indigenous and self supporting churches. As long as Jesus is at the center in a biblical way, we will work with a wide variety of movements to bring the Gospel to places where it has not yet penetrated. We then link the various movements we work with together so that they too are working alongside one another in cooperation rather than competition. There is enough division among denominations for us to further contribute to disunity rather than unity.

I am heartened by expressions of Bride over brand in this country when churches from across denominational lines band together to bring the gospel to their community. They are demonstrating Christ's heart and His interests over their own. 

Think about your ministry. Are you more about the brand or the Bride? For me, the Bride trumps the brand every time.

Spiritual growth from a positive perspective

In our organization, we use visual management to seek to continuously improve everything we do. For instance, we use three colors, to rate how we are doing in many areas of work. Green means we are doing well and no changes are needed, yellow means that we can do better and red means that we have significant opportunity for improvement. Notice that yellow and red are actually positive colors, not negative, because they give us opportunity to improve. We like and look for yellow and reds.

Think about this in your spiritual life. Our goal in our relationship with Jesus is to become like Him in every way possible: hearts that understand and live out grace, minds that think like He thinks, priorities that are aligned with His and relationships that reflect his love for other. Now we know we are a long ways from where we want to be and it is easy to become discouraged when we discover another area of life that needs reformation.

But consider this: Every time we realize we have areas of our lives that need to be brought under His purview, every time we surrender another room or closet to him, we have the opportunity to become more like Him. In other words, as He chooses to reveal areas of life that need our attention along with the Holy Spirit's power, He is giving us the opportunity to become more like him. It is not a failure, but an opportunity. And every opportunity to become more like Jesus ought to be celebrated and pursued because He is our ultimate goal!

In His grace, He does not reveal all of our "reds" and "yellows" at once but bit by bit, He makes them known to us. Each one is an opportunity to align my heart in a new way toward His. 

I don't always like what the Holy Spirit reveals to me but I do relish the opportunity to bring my life and heart into greater alignment with His. Jesus is our source and our goal so the yellows and reds that He reveals to me are a wonderful opportunity for repentance and realignment toward my ultimate objective: A heart like His.

Failures and disappointments are often God's redirection

Our ability to see the full scope of our lives and God's plan is amazingly limited. As Paul says, we see through a glass darkly but will one day see Him face to face. Because of our limited view, we often do not see that the failures and disappointments we face are nothing other than God's redirection of our lives to those places where He can use us the most.

Consider Moses who failed at being an Egyptian prince so God could use him to lead the people out of bondage. Or, Joseph who failed at being a brother so that he could save his whole family from famine. My greatest perceived failure brought me to where I am today, and right where I believe God wants me to be. As the book of Proverbs says, "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps (Proverbs 16:9)." How often God has redirected my steps in ways that I did not understand at the time but in retrospect have more clarity.


This ought to cause us to ask in failure and disappointment, "Is God up to something?" "Does He have something in mind that is greater than our disappointment?" Since He establishes our steps and has our best interests in mind, chances are He does. 


This allows us to change our prayer from "why?" to "What?" Obviously God has something different for us than we expected, the question is "what is it?" Asking why keeps us focused on our disappointment while asking what focuses on God's intentions and what He has for us next. Two very different perspectives that lead to two very different attitudes.


Here is something we know for sure: God is always up to something, even in our failures and disappointments. We are never abandoned or left alone so even in the worst place we can look with anticipation at what He has for us. This truth gives us the courage to move forward even in dark days. We know He is up to something, we just don't know what - yet!

Liberating personal clarity

There is something very liberating about understanding how God designed us, what we are good at and therefore where we should focus our time and energies. Just as our closets, trunks and garages accumulate stuff that we don't need, so our lives, schedules and commitments accumulate obligations that we don't need and that don't contribute to our legacy because they are not in our lane. Often they are the accumulated expectations of others for us - everyone has a wonderful plan for our lives!


But so does God and it is His plan for our lives that counts the most. And He designed and wired and gifted us for a purpose. When we understand that purpose and live it out we experience great joy and satisfaction. On the other hand, when we are simply accumulating obligations and activities that are not aligned with His purpose, we experience frustration and decreased happiness. 


I was recently talking to a colleague about how busy and without margin his life had become. He had accumulated so much stuff, so many obligations that life was not fun anymore. Further, much of the stuff was not in his primary lane of where he would make the most impact. He is now in the process of a personal "garage sale" to relinquish many of those obligations so that he can focus on what brings him the greatest joy and will make the greatest contribution to the kingdom.


It is liberating to realize that there are things we can say no too, based on the clarity of what God has called us to do. 


Youth does not lend itself to this kind of clarity but by the time we reach our forties, fifties and sixties we have a much better idea of who God made us to be and therefore where we are most effective. It makes sense that we focus our lives in those directions where God wired us to make the greatest impact. And, to feel free to graciously decline those things that take us away from our impact zone.


What is your impact zone? The place where you are in your lane, shine, feel the greatest joy and make the most impact for Jesus? Are you spending most of your time there or have you accumulated all kinds of obligations that actually take you away from your zone?  Do you need to shed some of the stuff of life so that you can live with more focus?

When the bodies pile up

I am not one who normally gets excited when people leave a church or a ministry when change comes. The truth is that when change comes, some folks (good folks) decide that they don't want to stay on the same bus anymore. I am OK with that. I write about this in my book High Impact Church Boards. I understand the dynamics of change. There are clearly times when people need to leave a church or ministry in order for that ministry to move forward.  The issue is not whether people will leave but which people will leave! 


And, when leaders together chart a new course for the church, there will be those who leave and others who come. This is normal and to be expected.


However, when the pile of bodies reaches a critical mass behind a leader there need to be questions asked. People who have found reason to move on, people who have been marginalized and choose to leave, people who have been hurt and decide to quietly disappear to other churches or ministries! At some point when the body count becomes high enough, wise individuals ask questions! Especially when the common factor becomes the leader himself! Is the fallout from needed change or is the fallout from a toxic leader? This is a critical distinction because change will often bring fallout (sometimes necessary fallout for the church to move forward).


There are toxic leaders who hurt people. Boards who allow those leaders to hurt others at some point become accountable for their choice to not hold senior leaders accountable. The church is by definition a place of grace, healing, compassion, and mercy. When leaders in the church allow it to turn into a place of hurt and alienation the purpose of the church has been compromised. 


Most folks alienated by a church leader will not make a scene. They quietly leave. Sometimes they leave because they no longer fit and need something different. But, when the list accumulates and leaders do not pay attention, ask questions or seek to determine why folks are leaving, they do a disservice to their responsibility as leaders. They may agree that it is not an important issue, but at least they know what the issues are. Too often they are simply negligent in even trying to know. Or, negligent in doing anything about it.


I am saddened by people who have been hurt by church and ministry leaders. I am more saddened by leaders who do not hold their own leader's accountable for their actions that hurt others. 

Church Conflict: Finding the core issue and the common source

If you are a leader whose church is in conflict there are two issues it is helpful to understand. First, what is the true reason for the conflict, and second, who is at the center of the conflict. 


Understanding the true nature of the conflict is often difficult because the presenting issues are often not the real issues. If one tries to solve the presenting issues without understanding what the actual issues are, there will not be resolution because even if you solve the presenting issues, the core issue remains untouched.


Having watched and worked with numerous churches in conflict, I am convinced that most church conflict has nothing to do with the surface or presenting issues and everything to do with power and control issues that lie behind the surface issues. This has to do with decision making power in the church and control of the church. It is an agenda to force a certain decision or direction hidden behind other presenting issues. Often it is cloaked in spiritual language and the "good of the church" but at its core it is about power and control.


How does one know if they are working with the presenting issue or a deeper control issue? One of the key markers is whether those who are complaining and making noise are open to rationale discussion and compromise or if they insist on getting their way. If it is the latter you are most likely dealing with a power issue and unless you cede to their demands the conflict will not stop. If you do, you have allowed power brokers with an agenda to win the day and that is always unhealthy in the church.


Often in church conflict it feels like everyone is involved because loud voices prevail. The truth of the matter is that power games in the church are never widespread but like power games everywhere can be traced back to an individual or a small group of individuals. I call these the voice behind the voices. Power games in the church are never a general group but always have an individual or small group of individuals behind them. They usually stay in the background and feed discontent but the common voice one hears from others is an indicator that this is not random conflict but has  a leader or leaders behind it. Common language and common attitudes are clear indicators.


How do you determine who is at the core of the conflict? Listen to the language, have a lot of conversations, ask a lot of questions and eventually you connect the dots toward a common source. Unless you understand the real issue and can deal with the common source one has no chance of mitigating the conflict.


We are often naive in the church regarding conflict. We too easily believe presenting issues, not wanting to believe that power politics might be present in our congregation. In addition we are too slow in dealing with the true source of the conflict because we are dealing with people who hide behind spiritual language. None of that, however, changes the damage that they are doing to the church. Power politics in the church destroys and people with agendas hurt the body. The proof that you are dealing with power politics is when you get to the core group and they will not live under the authority of the pastor or elders. Those who don't respond to appropriate authority are playing power politics. 


The ultimate power play is simply to call for the resignation of the pastor and the board. Here is where motives are nakedly plain. I was the pastor of a church where this once happened and church chairman in another church where it happened. In both cases, the real issues had been revealed and the core parties revealed and their last stand was to try to force the leadership out of office. When they lost their bid they left the church, clearly unwilling to live under authority.


The bottom line? As Jesus said, be innocent as doves and wise as serpents. Don't be fooled! Be smart. Be wise. Be prayerful. Act carefully.

Sages among us

Sage is almost synonymous with wisdom. Specifically, it is the wisdom that can only come with experience and a life lived long. In a day when we celebrate youth, we often miss what youth need more than anything else: the wisdom and counsel of those who have followed Jesus and gone the distance well. 


When I listen to the life stories of sages I know I am always amazed at the experiences they have had, the lessons they learned along the way, how they overcame adversity and even how they live with the challenges of advanced age. One of my personal sage heroes died recently at 103. She was a woman full of wisdom, experience and deep faith.


One church I know has asked it's sages to share their stories, one each month, at length. They have recorded the sessions and are building a library of shared wisdom. More importantly, they are reminding the rest of the church that there are people among them who have withstood the test of time and whom we ought to honor and learn from. 


The elderly in society are often marginalized as unimportant. In the church, these individuals ought to be honored: they are the examples to us of what it means to go the distance, stay the course and live out their faith over the long haul. Further, they have a wealth of wisdom that needs to be shared. 


Does you congregation have a way to tap into the sages among you? Can we move from programs to keep our seniors happy to proactively seeing them as sages with something to teach the rest of us? Many of them are Hebrews 11 heroes who have walked the walk, talked the talk and gone the distance. Rather than marginalize them, we need to honor them.

Is your ministry team a track team or basketball team?

Many ministry staffs operate as if they were a track team. In track, there are many different events and each event gives the team opportunity to make points for itself but by in large each individual operates alone: javelin, the mile, half mile - all the various events. At the end of the day they may win the prize but they won it by individual contribution primarily.

Contrast that with a basketball team where five individuals on the court must work as one. In fact those who try to work individually generally kill the effectiveness of the team. Seamlessly, they pass the ball, block, watch for open teammates who can take the ball and score. One of the joys of watching college or professional basketball is the amazing synergy and cooperation of the team.

Now think of the ministry team you play on. Do you look like a track team where everyone is doing their thing - good in itself but fairly unrelated to others, or a basketball team of synergistic, cooperative individuals who are playing the same game rather than separate games?

Most church staffs I meet are playing track. The great ones are playing basketball. The first you can do on your own. The second only with others. 

Civil and uncivil discourse in the church

Many do not realize how much of our national culture we bring into our churches that is problematic. Take for instance, the divisions brought on by elections in the US. Our nation is sharply divided and divisive in how it deals with those divisions. And, we have developed a polarized, black and white mentality where one side is "right" and the other side is "wrong." In addition, the tone of the discourse is sharp and divisive by its very nature. One tires of people shouting at one another on news programs.


How often in the church we bring the same black and white mentality coupled with polarizing attitudes, demonizing of those we don't agree with and divisions within the congregation. In fact, conflict seems to go up in congregations during election seasons which is not a surprise given the divisive spirit in the nation at large.


However, if ever there should be a place where discourse is civil, reasonable and respectful it ought to be in the church where in God's Spirit we can disagree with one another in an agreeable way and never demonize others simply because we don't see eye to eye. Think of the Biblical teaching on being gentle and kind to one another, patient with one another, long suffering and self controlled. Quite different than the polarized attitudes in our culture at large. 


Whenever the tone in the church becomes sharp and polarizing we need to be aware that it is secular culture behavior that is taking place rather than Jesus culture behavior. Whatever our differences, and whatever our positions, if ever there were a place where civil and respectful discourse should take place it should be in the church. This is why conflict in the church that results on division and divisiveness in unhealthy ways never reflects the character of Jesus but our society at large. Where it does take place, the biblical injunction is to forgive and seek to live at peace.


In addition, when it comes to politics, Jesus culture transcends our political differences and parties. Whenever I hear church leaders pushing a political agenda, party or candidate I know that for them Jesus does not yet transcend secular politics. There are Christ followers in all walks of life and political persuasion. At the work water cooler we debate politics. In the church we lift Jesus high. He is the hope of the world, not a political party. And for believers, being in the family of God transcends being in whatever political party we adhere to. 

Humility and learning

True learning takes a posture of humility. Without humility there is little growth because openness to growth is predicated on not thinking we know it all or have arrived. Here are some signs of humble learners.


Think about these four attitudes.


I am open to constructive feedback without defensiveness
Oh, not that I don't sometimes feel that defensiveness inside but humble learners learn to keep it in check so that they can hear what someone is saying to them. Defensiveness keeps us from hearing what we need to hear but an openness to feedback (whether we agree with it or not) is a sign of humility. Humility is willing to hear both encouragement and other feedback even when it is uncomfortable.


I am willing to own my stuff
All of us have stuff we need to own. We blow it, we get cranky with others (unfairly), we lose our patience or just have bad days. Humility is owning our stuff and dealing with it. Especially when we need to apologize or ask forgiveness. Owning my stuff includes acknowledging my shortcomings with a "nothing to prove, nothing to lose attitude." It is being able to say, "I was wrong," or "that didn't work."


I take steps toward growth
This gets harder for some as their influence and success increases because we begin to believe our press. All of us need to grow! All of us need to be intentional about that growth but growth means I acknowledge my weaknesses and sin and shortcomings. Humble people are always working on some area of their life and with the help of the Holy Spirit (we cannot do it alone) are in a growth mode.


I know who I am and who I am not
When I was young I thought I was good at a lot of things. Now I know that I am good at maybe three things and that is pretty much it. That is important first because it is truth. It is important second because I know how much I need others to make up for my many deficiencies. Humility means that we understand our need for one another.

Enough planning - just do it and keep it simple and focused

Recently I saw a presentation for a ministry plan that was masterfully complex. It addressed every possible issue and would have taken a whole new staff to execute. In concept it looked sophisticated and it had to have taken months to plan and write. Bottom line: it was too complex, too complicated and didn't have a clear focus. The simple had been majorly complicated. 

Ministries are famous for complicated plans that complicate the simple. And in the process divert focus from actually getting ministry accomplished.

Does one need a plan? Yes! A simple, clear, understandable and workable plan. Simple trumps complex every time. 

If planning takes more than 20% of your time you are doing too much planning. You can always modify and tweak as you go so go do it. In fact, until you start doing you don't know what needs to be modified. No amount of planning will uncover the contingencies you will discover when you actually go out and do it.

So get out and do it, learn along the way, go back and adjust and do it again: Plan, do, check, adjust.

Are you majoring on planning or doing? Have a plan and go do it.

Keep it simple - like this blog.

When truth becomes toxic

We value truth in evangelicalism because our faith and practices are grounded in God's truth. Francis Schaeffer called God's truth "true truth" and without a doubt there is much that passes for "truth" today that is anything but.


Truth, however, is a bit like dynamite. Handled carefully it is healing and helpful, as Paul said "useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16-17)." But, if mishandled, it becomes legalistic, a hammer that wounds, and hurts rather than heals. Especially when truth is applied without grace.


Jesus was all about truth. Jesus was also all about grace. The Apostle John says He was the perfect blend of grace and truth. Can you imagine what we deserve if God did not extend grace to us? Yet how often do we use truth without grace when dealing with others?


The account of the woman caught in adultery and brought to Jesus is a great lesson. The fact that she was guilty is clear by Jesus' words, "go and sin no more." Truth without grace would have said, "stone her." Grace said, "He who is without sin throw the first stone" and "go and sin no more." Of course, the guys who brought her to Jesus were not about grace, or actually truth for that matter as they conveniently forgot to bring the fellow she was caught with.


There are in the church men and women, like these fellows, who are self appointed theology and behavior police. Legalistic, moralistic and self assured of their right to point out the wrongs of others, using "truth" or scripture to push their agendas or make themselves feel good - at the expense of grace. Truth without grace is indeed a scary thing. The combination as seen in Jesus' interactions is a life changing paradigm. It is like the parable of the master who forgives his servant's debt only to have that servant go and demand payment from the one who owed him. Grace had been received but was not extended.


This is how the pharisees of the New Testament used truth. It was hard, harsh, devoid of grace and Jesus called them hypocrites because those who are most judgemental are most hypocritical as none of us can live up to standards of perfection. We are all in need of grace. 


Much conflict in the church and relationships comes down to a willingness to use truth at the expense of grace. It lacks the very patience, understanding, mercy and gentleness that God uses when He deals with us. The words may be truth but the attitude behind them has nothing to do with the attitude of Jesus. We are lucky that He does not do to us what we often do to others. I know churches with grace in their name whom are devoid of grace inside their own walls. This is when truth becomes toxic, damaging and harsh rather than healthy, healing and gentle. 


We are all guilty at times of allowing truth to become unhealthy because our attitudes toward others do not reflect the wonderful, gentle, caring, patient, merciful and abundant grace of Jesus. Handle grace and truth carefully and it is a beautiful thing. Mishandle it, and like dynamite it causes a lot of damage. As Jeremiah so aptly said in Lamantations, "Because of His great love for us we are not consumed (even though they deserved it)." Why then do we consume one another? Why do we so often choose not to extend to one another the very grace that God extended to us in Jesus? The short answer is sin. But when we extend that grace it is a beautiful thing indeed. Who in your life needs your grace?

Healthy character traits

Character is the foundation that gives us influence in ministry. Think about these markers as you evaluate yourself as a ministry leader or a person who values character.


Truthful
Character is always based on truth and never on lies. Jesus called the evil one the father of lies while he said that His word was truth. Whenever we skirt the boundaries of truth we compromise our character. As Mark Twain said, "If you always tell the truth you never have to remember what you said."


Forthright
Being honest, upfront and forthright is a mark of Character. There is no question in the minds of others what you are thinking and there is never a need to say different things to different people for the forthright individual. What you see and here is what you get. Part of character is being self defined and willing to state your views.


Non defensive
People of character are not afraid of being challenged or people who disagree with them. They have developed a non-defensive spirit because they know that life is not about them but about honoring Jesus and being all that we can be, personally and organizationally.


Controlled
People of character are able to control their emotions so that they don't hurt others. They are slow to anger, quick to forgive, love reconciliation and are careful of what they say - so that they build others up rather than tear them down. They have learned to control their emotions and reactions in ways that are healthy.


Without hidden agendas
People of character never hide their true agendas. It is not that we don't have an agenda but whatever it is it is stated and in the open. Hidden agendas lack a truth component which is so important to character. Truthfulness and forthrightness preclude hidden agendas. This is a person who is without guile.


Trustworthy
People of character keep their word and can be counted on to fulfill the promises they make. In other words, they can be trusted to do what they say they will do. Our word is our bond and our promises are sacred. 


Fair
People of character are fair in how they treat people and do not play favorites with those they lead. Even when decisions are not what they hoped for, they know they have been treated fairly.


Consistent
People of character display the same character in the dark when no one is looking as they do in their public life. They are integrated people whose private life matches their public persona. 


Humble
At the heart of character is humility. It is what makes possible all the other traits of good character. Humility is necessary for teachability, for growth, for character development and for healthy relationships with others. Pride makes for poor character. Humility makes for great character.

Learning to hear God's voice. Are you listening?

How does God speak to us through the Holy Spirit? There are probably many ways as we are each uniquely wired but often it is through "impressions" or "promptings" that come to us. Impressions or promptings are like watermarks on good paper. It is there if you look for it but not always obvious. It takes attention to see it.


Impressions are like that. They don't scream at us, they are just there. Often we don't pay too much attention but we should! It just might be the God of the universe talking back to us which is a big WOW! Some might call it intuition and certainly intuition fits the description. I will often mull and pray over an issue for a period of time and then one day it is like a light bulb goes on or an impression settles on me and I know I have an answer. Often, the Holy Spirit has provided me with counsel - divine counsel.


The descriptors that Jesus used to describe the person and the role of the Holy Spirit in John are helpful in this regard: "Advocate," "Spirit of truth," the one who will "teach us all things," the One who will "guide you into all the truth," who "will tell you what is yet to come," One who will "help you and be with you forever," (John 14-17).


Clearly the Holy Spirit communicates with those who are Christ followers. Why else would God have him take up actual residence in our bodies? Christ in us - through the Holy Spirit. He is after all our Counselor. The issue is not whether He communicates but whether we have trained ourselves to hear. 


When my wife, Mary Ann wants my attention her physical presence and voice let me know. (Even then, being of the male species, I might not actually hear. At least that is what she claims and which I take exception to). So, how much more attention on our part does it take to "hear" the Holy Spirit who rarely speaks with an audible voice but is a quiet presence in our hearts who wants to get our attention from time to time? When He gently messes with the neurons in my brain to impress something on me, do I hear?


Here is where our attention comes in. I have learned not to dismiss those impressions but to pay close attention to them. I have a suspicion that when I get to heaven and ask God why He didn't answer such and such a prayer He will show me all the ways He spoke back but my hearing was not very good. I want to sharpen my hearing to His promptings because if they are coming from the voice of God it is truly important for me to hear!


I realize we hear from God imperfectly just as my wife would report (incorrectly I might add) about her communications to me. Sometimes I do a better job than other times. But learning to be aware of the impressions or promptings of the Holy Spirit is a skill that can be cultivated and developed. 


Think about instances where you have had impressions or promptings that you know are from the Holy Spirit. Then do two things. Ask the Father to make you more sensitive to His "voice" in your life and then pay attention. He might just surprise you.


Remember, "I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever - the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you (John 14:14-17). He is there. Are you listening?

Robust dialog: Creative conflict that raises the level of missional discourse

Over and over again I run into teams, organizations and groups that do not know how to have candid, honest, robust discussion. As a result there are many elephants in the room that cannot be discussed and which create an underlying mistrust within the group - that is what elephants do. 

Lets define robust dialogue. It is the ability to address any issue in the  team or organization as long as there are not hidden agendas or personal attacks. No personal attacks keeps the discussion at the strategic or organizational level. No hidden agendas means that we are upfront with why we are asking the question or pushing into an issue. Hidden agendas create mistrust while being honest and direct creates trust. 

Unfortunately there are plenty of people who agree with robust dialogue but who are operating with hidden agendas - behind the scenes maneuvering and politics hidden behind a facade of wanting to solve a problem or address an issue. In reality they have an agenda as to where the discussion ends up and they are maneuvering the end result toward their intended ends. This is neither fair nor helpful.

The very concept of robust dialogue where any issue can be put on the table as long as there are no hidden agendas or personal attacks is that it is in the strong discourse of different ideas and options that we actually get to solutions that are better than any of us would have come up with individually. But - there must be an ethos on the team, modeled by the leader that it is not only OK but it is valued to put issues on the table (graciously) that need to be addressed.

What prevents robust dialogue? First, leaders who are threatened by anything negative being said - and they perceive any potential criticism as negative. Frankly, that is poor leadership and I would never again work for a leader who was threatened by robust dialogue.

Second, elephants that everyone knows cannot be addressed because the group cannot handle talking about the issue. I was recently with a board that told me there were many elephants in the room that they have not been able to talk about for years and it was those elephants that were keeping them from moving forward. I asked what they were and we proceeded to name them. Once named, elephants are no longer elephants but issues that need to be resolved. Wherever elephants exist, there is not true robust dialogue.

Third, fear keeps some groups from engaging in honest dialogue. The fear is around what it might do to the dynamics of the group. Feeling good about one another and about the ministry takes precedence over honest evaluation of where things really are. Feeling comfortable trumps missional fulfillment. This is where many groups need to grow (up) and put mission before comfort and press into missional health and fulfillment.

Why is robust dialogue so important? Because it is in the conflict of ideas that we come to new solutions and ways of thinking. Those new solutions would never have emerged without the intellectual capital and clash of ideas. That is why ministries that invite and encourage robust dialogue are those who are on the cutting edge of change and effectiveness.

Subjective and objective organizational clarity

One of the most frustrating paradigms for staff to work under is subjective clarity. This is organizational clarity that exists in the mind of a leader rather than clearly defined on paper clear with staff. With subjective clarity, in order to know what is acceptable or not, what directions to pursue or strategies that are "OK" one needs to talk to the leader. The organizational clarity is essentially what is acceptable to them but since it is not spelled out one either must ask permission or forgiveness after the fact (if they get it wrong).


Subjective clarity by definition means that one has a permission withholding culture in the organization. One cannot move forward without the permission of the leader since we cannot read his/her mind. If you get it wrong there is often the duplication of effort as you must go back to redo what was previously done, but this time in the way the leader desires. Subjective clarity is a moving target that disempowers staff, makes the leader a bottle neck in decisions, allows him/her to micromanage and frankly is the sign of either a poor or immature leader.


Objective clarity is clarity that is clearly defined for all staff, understood by staff and is the "measure" they go back to when thinking about what they do and how they do what they do. It is clarity around things like mission, guiding principles, central ministry focus and culture with commonly held definitions of what they mean and how they are articulated. 


This takes the organizational clarity out of the subjective realm of the leader's mind and puts it in an objective form that all can go back to for direction, guidance and decision making. With objective clarity, one moves to a permission granting organization where staff can move forward without constantly consulting their leader because they know what the ground rules are. In addition, the how of what they do is largely left up to them as long as they achieve the mission of the organization.


There are many organizations who do not yet operate with objective clarity. This is especially true in the church where the senior pastor has whatever subjective clarity he has in his head and staff must go through him on all major initiatives. It works, to a point, but it is permission withholding and it disempowers staff. Getting to a commonly held clarity is a far better route to take and attracts much better long term staff. They know what the mission is and what the non negotiables are.


If you are in the subjective side, make the transition to the objective side. Subjective clarity is actually not clarity. It is simply the thinking of one person at the time they are asked. It is arbitrary and inconsistent. 


If you need more information on getting to clarity, Leading From the Sandbox, chapters two, three and four are focused on that topic.

I would be happy if.....

Have you ever fallen into the trap of thinking that "I would be happy if.....?" Maybe it is a new car, a new spouse, a new house, that nifty flatscreen TV or whatever. "I would be happy if..." robs us of happiness today and defines happiness by our circumstances, our possessions or some external factor in our lives when happiness can only come from the inside! As soon as our happiness is defined by external things we are robbed of the ability to live in happiness every day.


Relying on the external for the core joy and happiness of our lives is the reason so many people chase after stuff, experiences and even sin at the expense of a relationship with Jesus which is the true source of joy and happiness. "I would be happy if...." is an empty promise! As soon as one attains that thing that will supposedly make us happy, the goal line changes and we find another "I would be happy if...." When our joy and happiness comes from within (and from God) we have the real deal and no one can rob us of it.



Joyful living is a gift of the Holy Spirit (one of the fruits of the Spirit) and it is a choice that each of us make every day. As a gift of the Spirit it is available to us at any time, regardless of our circumstances. That does not mean we don't wish some things were different in our lives or hope they will be different someday. It does mean that we choose a posture of joy in whatever circumstances we find ourselves because we are intentionally walking with God and conscious of His provision, care, and love.


A key to joyful living is the fostering of an ongoing spirit of thanksgiving to God for all of His blessings. Numerous times in the New Testament or Psalms we are told to be people of thanks and to live with an attitude of thanks. "Thank you Jesus" ought to be the mantra of our days. The more thankful we are the more joy we possess because thankfulness leads to a joyful heart.


It is an irony that many of the most joyful and happy people I have met are those who have suffered the most. Their circumstances did not determine their joy, their relationship with God did. Any of you who have been in the presence of Joni Eareckson Tada know exactly what I mean. Joy radiates from her paraplegic body and her singing, smile and words of encouragement infect all around her. But she would be the first to tell you it is a daily choice and not always an easy one. 


In the next 24 hours, simply live in a spirit of thanksgiving and see what it does for your happiness factor.

Generosity by ministry personnel and missionaries

Ministry personnel - pastors, missionaries and others who work in ministries are often asking others to give generously to their ministries. In fact, they and their ministries are dependent on the gifts and generosity of others. 


I have a belief that those who see their needs met are usually those who live a life of generosity themselves. That is because God responds to our generosity with His generosity. Paul indicates this in 2 Corinthians 9:6-9 "Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written: 'They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor: their righteousness endures forever.'"


I often want to ask missionaries who are raising support: How generous are you? I have met many Christian workers who say, "My time and energy are my generosity" as if financial generosity does not  apply to them as well. I don't know why we in ministry should expect God to bless us with the financial needs we have if we ourselves are not living generous lives, financially and otherwise! 


In fact, I believe that those in Christian work ought to be the very models of what it means to be generous - regardless of what they make. We of all people understand the theology of generosity that comes from a generous God who has made us heir to all of his riches and glory through redemption and salvation.


Pastors and missionaries may rationalize their lack of generosity with the fact that they make less than others. In fact, many people who are generous don't make a great deal of money. Rather, they have cultivated a lifestyle of generosity. I have often met with people over the years to thank them for their giving to ministry only to find out that they are people of very modest means who have chosen to give generously to God's work. Each time, I am deeply humbled by their commitment and joy of giving. 


A life of generosity on all fronts reflects the gift of Jesus to us - He who gave up everything so that we could know Him. No matter how much or little we have, why would we not want to reflect in our lives the generosity that God showed to us and continues to shower on us?


Want to have all that you need for life and ministry? Sow abundantly. Live generously. God will and does respond. 

Transitions that can help your ministry go to the next level

 Periodically ministries need to honestly evaluate the present and envision for the future. This is true for teams, ministry divisions, programs or entire organizations. There is a fairly simple way to get at the transitions that one needs to make. It can be done on a white board in four steps. 


This exercise, however, is not for the faint of heart or people who easily become defensive. In fact, the major reason more ministries do not look in the mirror to see what is really there in order to move beyond the present to the future is that they find it hard to be honest about their reality. It is too threatening and intimidating. It is far easier to live with the illusion that all is well than to look at the true facts and face reality. It is ministries that refuse to live with illusion and value looking at reality that continue to move toward more fruitful results.


Step one: Celebrate the past. Make a list of the the good things that you can celebrate about where your ministry is. You will be encouraged by the "wins" you have experienced. Here is an important principle. We celebrate the past but we envision the future. 


Step two is harder: Look under the hood. This will require you to set aside your ego and act like a consultant to your own organization. The goal here is to look beyond all the good things and make a list of the deficits which you know are there. Where is the organization not working well? Where are there silos? How well are you meeting your mission really? What staff are not performing? Where do you have lack of alignment? I tell staff in this step to act like a consultant to their own organization and tell the truth to the organization where there are major deficits. What would an outsider say to you? Be brutal, honest, candid and realistic about what is. Too many leaders are experts at step one but never go to step two because it is too intimidating. One cannot go forward without being honest about where you are.


Step three: What do you wish your organization looked like? Here you want to define your preferred future: you describe the organization, structure, results and organizational culture you believe would be optimal for you to meet your mission, see significant results and organize for maximum synergy. There should be a counter description for every negative you listed when you looked under the hood. What opportunities is the ministry missing today because of how they are organized? If you could build your ministry from scratch today, how would it look to maximize your ministry impact. This is the picture of what you believe you should become. 


Step four: What transitions do you need to make to get to where you are to where you desire to be? In other words, if you were to move from the present to the preferred future while overcoming the issues you discovered by looking under the hood what key transitions would you need to make? Here you are defining the true cost of moving from what is to what you believe needs to be. It is truly your road map to the next level of ministry success and impact. 


The transitions you need to make call the question on the courage of the leadership of the organization. Are we willing to pay the price that needs to be paid to get to where we need and want to go? Often the answer, candidly, is no. We may not want to rock the boat or pay the cost of necessary change - which is why many churches and ministries stall out. Courageous leaders, however, will take up the challenge and determine a strategy to make the transitions because their highest value is not comfort but effectiveness. 


A simple paradigm with powerful results - for courageous leaders only.

The amazing power of hope

In the uncertainties, disappointments, challenges and realities of life there are few more powerful practices than living with hope! As Isaiah writes so eloquently, "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint (Isaiah 40:31)." 


We choose whether we will live in hope or despair, hope or discouragement. God gives us hope, we choose whether we will grab onto it or ignore it. That is Isaiah's point. When in the midst of our discouragements we choose to hope in the Lord, He renews our strength in amazing ways.


In the midst of great disaster, Jeremiah said, "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed (Lamentations 3:21)." And again, "The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him. It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord (Lamentations 3:25-26)."


What is hope? It is not some ill conceived concept of self help that believes that because we hope for something it will come to pass. That is not hope but an empty promise. Hope is grounded in a good God who always has our best interests in mind, always acts in goodness toward us and always provides the encouragement we need in the middle of even the greatest crises. Hope is grounded in who He is. 


Hope is also grounded in the gifts that we have been given in Jesus. Paul writes to the Ephesians, "I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. (Ephesians 1:18-19)." Our hope is found in Jesus who has made us family and given us the riches of who He is for all eternity.


But what about those times when we seem to be out of hope? When life is hard and hope is scarce? Hope and faith are tied together in Hebrews 11:1. "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." What we hope for are everything God has promised and we have faith that He will deliver on His promises - even when it looks like that is not the case!


Hope is not pretending that life is good when life is hard. Rather, it is knowing that God is present even when life is hard and that is why we have hope. He is our hope - not our circumstances. 


Every day ought to be a day of hope. Hope in the blessings of God, hope in the presence of God, hope in the intervention of God in our lives and hope in the circumstances of life, knowing that God is with us and for us. For the believer, no matter what the circumstance there is hope. Our ultimate hope our assurance of living in His presence one day. Where God is present there is always hope! We may be blind to it, but it is always there!


PS. If you are in need of hope today, the book Mary Ann and I wrote When Life Comes Undone: Walking in Faith When Life is Hard and Hope is Scarce is for you. You will find it on the left side of the blog. 

Missionary support team building: Very tough work!

The blog by a ReachGlobal missionary family raising their support for France could be the story of thousands of missionaries today who are heading for global service but must first raise their support. Unlike ministry positions in local churches, there is a triple whammy for those serving overseas. They must leave home and family, they work in some incredibly hard places relative to the Gospel and they must raise their own support. Oh, and there is the little thing of learning another language. Add to this the challenge of the economy, and the pressure that church budgets are under and you get the picture. 


It is a process that tests resolve, persistence, character, and call. 


There are some up sides to this hard process. First, mission agencies are raising the bar for who they accept knowing that congregations and individuals are going to want the staff they support to be high quality individuals. The cost today is too high for anyone else.


Second, mission work is tough, tough work. There are many days when one asks oneself, "Why did I sign up for this?" Support team building, after the exhilaration of being accepted tests the resolve and call because it too is very tough. It forces staff to ask the hard questions about whether they are ready to go the distance and whether they heard God right when they signed up. Like the work they will face on the "field," support team building is one person at a time, relatively slow progress and can be very discouraging. The support team building process actually prepares staff for the realities they will face on the field when they arrive there. 


Third, one is building a team, not raising money. There is a big difference. It is the team - those who are relationally connected and financially invested who will pray, pay attention, and encourage those they support. Relationships are not built in a day which is why it is a long tough process. But that team will also be intensely loyal over the years and stand by those they support. Not once, for instance, have we ever personally dropped support from someone we had started to support. 


As the leader of a mission agency I wish support team building was easier. Or do I? The very faith that is needed to believe God can work in hard places is the very faith that is needed to raise one's support. The resolve and persistence needed on the field is the resolve and persistence needed to raise support. Most important, being sure of God's call in the tough times in missions is the same assurance one must have to go the distance in building one's support team. On balance, that tough work prepares one for many of the real life realities one will face on the mission field.


If you are invited to join a missionary in their work by supporting them, ask the right questions and ask God if this is something you should invest in. But understand the need for these servants of God to raise their support. We have so many options for people to hear the Gospel in the US compared to the rest of the world. America spends more on pet food each year than it does on mission support - a sad statistic. Forty dollars twice a month (a small investment) is one thousand dollars a year (a significant investment). We love to find ways to support more missionaries. What I do wish for is a new spirit of generosity among believers generally - a spirit that reflects His unbelievably amazing heart.


Jesus has an amazing heart for the lost and we make His heart glad when we share in that heart. One of the most basic ways we can demonstrate that heart is in supporting those who are the global ambassadors for the Gospel. Our personal goal at our home is to support as many as we can  because we want to share His heart. It is an investment we make on behalf of the heart of Jesus and His call on our lives to be involved in the great commission. 


I long for a more generous church and more generous believers whose financial priorities reflect the Gospel priorities. If that were ever to happen, it would expand the cause of the Gospel in amazing ways. Whether others choose to live that way, we choose to live that way and we love it.

Confession

I recently witnessed an unusual event: church leaders confessing their shortcomings to their congregation. The specifics are not important but the confession was profound because it happens so rarely. It modeled to the congregation an important truth: Sometimes we are wrong and simply admitting it and asking forgiveness is the right thing to do.


Here is an interesting observation. We are afraid to confess because we believe it will make us look weak. In fact, we gain respect when we confess our errors and ask forgiveness. Our confession is a statement of truth and truth is valued by others. Not only that but confession, when we have hurt another, or a group, immediately lowers the tensions among parties, allows grace to start to flow and is the doorway to a renewed relationship.


"I was wrong" are three of the hardest and most liberating words. That is the irony: hard and liberating at the same time! 


As long as we resist confession when it is needed we keep relationships in gridlock and conflict. The moment we break our pride and admit our wrong, we start to move toward healing and freedom. It is the doorway to healing. But the door must be opened and it is only opened at the expense of our pride - a strong lock on the door!


If a relational door is locked because of an offence, take the necessary step to confess. God blesses the humble but opposes the proud. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I am proud of the elders who asked forgiveness of the congregation they serve. They took the route of humility. It was an example to everyone in that congregation. Some of us need to do the same with people in our lives.

Male leaders and their image bearing counterparts

This is not a blog about complementarians or egalitarians. I know the theological positions and arguments all too well. Both can be defended Scripturally and both have strong adherents and I like most have a theological position based on my understanding of the text. In fact, one can be either and still respect or not respect, empower or control and treat women with dignity or not in the church and Christian workplace. The theological position we hold on this issue is not the key factor: the attitude and regard of male leaders toward their female counterparts is.


I am convinced that male leaders in the church generally do not adequately listen to, regard with honor or empower women to use their gifts and leadership abilities to their fullest. It took me a long time to fully embrace my own wife's gifting and release her to use it in whatever ways God wants her to. I am sure that I have inadvertently done the same with others of the opposite gender. Where I have, I publically repent for holding back divinely gifted individuals.


Often today I think about the theology of being made in God's image - "Then God said, 'Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness'...So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them (Genesis 1:26-27)." Men and women are equally made in the image of God, are equally image bearers and as image bearers are to be released to use their God given gifting in all of its strength for His glory and purposes (Ephesians 2:10). 


When I see Jesus I don't want Him to ask me why I held anyone back or prevented any of His image bearers from using the divine gifting He gave them. That means that I need to be sensitive to all of His image bearers, and never treat any of them as B team players on His team. On His team there are no B team players, only A team players. That means respect, empowerment, honor and appreciation for all of his image bearers - without exception. Jesus shocked the social conventions of His day but actually treating everyone as made in His image without exception!


The key theology here is not the egalitarian/complementarian debate. Egalitarians can treat others poorly and complementarians can treat others with honor. The key theology is that men and women are both made in God's image and to demean, mistreat or not fully embrace them or their gifting is to diminish His image in another. All of us have done that with others and all of us need to repent when we do because it is His image we are diminishing.

Signs you work in a healthy workplace

Having the joy of working in a healthy workplace is a great blessing when it happens. I have previously discussed toxic work environments but here are signs that you work in a truly healthy setting. 

You are appreciated and valued. You know because you are told regularly that your work matters and that it is contributing to a greater mission of the organization. No matter where you are in the organizational chain you are important and you know it.

You are on a healthy and aligned team. You work with a team that  has good leadership and team members are released in line with their gifting to accomplish their work. Team members are on the same page and work together in a synergistic manner.

Your voice matters and is heard and you are able to use all of your gifting. People at all levels in the organization are listened to and their voice is valued. You are able to use your gifting and to run in a lane you are skilled at. 

You have clear responsibilities and are empowered to carry them out. You know what you are responsible for and rather than being micromanaged are empowered to figure out how to get it done.

You are treated with dignity and respect. Respect and dignity are expected in all relationships. It is a safe environment for all.

You know how your work contributes to the overall mission of the organization. You are not a cog in a machine but understand how what you do contributes to the overall mission and success of the organization.

Relationships are good and politics are rare. Politics, silos and turf wars are rare and confronted when present. The goal is always cooperation and getting the mission accomplished rather than guarding organizational turf.

Cooperation is high. People work synergistically together, brainstorm together, and do whatever it takes to get the job done.

You have a personable and caring leader. Your leader cares about you as a person not simply what you contribute to his/her team. They talk to you, listen to you and inquire about your life outside of work.

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness in both the for profit and non profit sectors. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com

The most neglected topic in the church

No, it is not sex, money or death. It is the workplace where most of us spend the bulk of our time and potentially have our greatest influence. When was the last time you heard a message on work and its relationship to faith, or even an illustration connecting a text to the workplace in a serious way? 


What is sad about this is that the calling to the various places where we work is just that - a calling. Our work is sacred and it is where God has placed us for a purpose - to infuse that place with His presence through us. Just as sacred as the job of missionaries I lead or pastors I work with. We are all sent people and the workplace is for many of us our primary mission field. In neglecting the primary calling of perhaps the majority of our people we are doing them a huge disservice and a disservice to the One who called them. 


I don't believe the workplace is neglected on purpose but out of ignorance. Many pastors have never truly experienced the pressures, stresses and issues that those they preach to each week experience on their jobs. And those pressures have only increased in the past twenty years. 


There are ways to press into this for pastors. First, consider a periodic round table discussion with those from various walks of life and simply talk about the issues they face on the job. Take those issues and apply them to your preaching. Second, consider shadowing someone from your church periodically to live for a day in their world. Third, think deeply about the calling that everyone in the workplace has to their vocation. We lift up those who choose full time service. We need to lift up those who live out their faith in the typical workplace.


Work is sacred. Calling is universal. We need to recognize this and help people live out that sacred calling. But first we need to understand their context. Work matters to God.

Second half influence

For those who care about influence for the gospel, life is divided into two parts. Our own influence through our life and work and in the second half of life, our intentional mentoring of the next generation of influencers who will carry the baton to the next generation. It is Paul and Timothy and 2 Timothy 2:2. 


A wonderful example is John R W Stott whose world wide influence in my parents generation is tough to beat. Yet for many years prior to his death his primary focus was that of raising up the next generation of Christian leaders. He intentionally multiplied himself by giving himself away and focused less on his personal impact on society and more on the impact that the next generation would make. In doing so his legacy and influence live on in a powerful way. 


This requires a Kingdom heart that is focused not on one's own accolades but on empowering others who will will multiply one's Kingdom influence. It is about the Kingdom, not us. It is about leaving a living legacy in the lives we have influenced who will carry on our work when we are gone. I suspect that there will be many behind the scenes who will receive greater rewards in heaven than many big names whose focus was on their own ministry and legacy rather than on leaving a living legacy through others. 


This applies to wives who mentor the next generation of wives, husbands who mentor and raise up the next generation of Godly husbands, Christian leaders who invest themselves in the next generation of leaders ... anyone who is investing their lives in passing the baton to others who may actually have far more influence than we ever did. 


For Christian leaders, I am convinced that their success is best measured not by what happened while they were in leadership but by what happens when they are gone! Was there stewardship of the ministry about them or the ministry? If the latter they invested significant time and effort into the lives of the next generation of leaders. If the former, they often did not. 


If you are post fifty, who are you investing in? Who are you raising up to take your place behind you? That investment may well be your greatest influence and legacy as you multiply yourself in the lives of others. It is a quiet, behind the scenes work that will seldom be seen but its impact can be profound. It is in giving ourselves away that we have our greatest impact.

Living in peace with one another

Peace is truly a lovely word. It indicates harmony and a lack of hostility, conflict or underlying tension. How much we wish for and pray for peace in our world - which we cannot control. But where we can largely control peace is in our own relationships. Paul tells us as believers, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18)." We all acknowledge that this is not always easy but it can become an intentional way of life if we choose to make it so.


Think of relationships within families, in congregations, and in the workplace. While we cannot control the attitudes and actions of others we can control our own. There are people who create conflict in their relationships and there are others who bring peace to relationships and don't get entangled with the conflicts of others. This is not a peace at any cost that chooses not to deal with real issues - but it is an intentional way of life that seeks peace and understanding wherever that is possible. 


By conflict, I am not thinking about differences of opinion or robust dialogue over issues that can be done without personal attack or hidden agendas. In healthy marriages, workplaces or among friends, there can be major differences that are expressed by self defined people without relational disconnect. What I am talking about is conflict that creates relational dissonance because we are dealing with individuals who cannot separate relationships from differences, who are black and white about the world and therefore create "us and them" situations which by definition destroys peace and creates division.


What practices contribute to living at peace with one another?


Don't get pulled into the dysfunctional relationships of others who thrive on conflict. Some people have to have an enemy in their life to fight. They actually create dragons they can go slay and create alliances with others against those dragons. The best thing we can do is stay out, keep our own council and not get involved. This is often true in family dynamics where the "family system" thrives on conflict between family members. Stay out of it and when necessary limit your exposure to those family members. The same family dynamics are often found in churches and again, it is wise to keep a distance from those who thrive on division.


Beware of critical people. Critical people create conflict. In fact their constant criticism of other people is a sign that they enjoy conflictual relationships (otherwise why be critical?). Gracious people overlook what can be overlooked for the sake of peace. Critical people are people in search of conflict.


Know what hills are worth dying on. Some but not many! If an issue is going to lead to personal conflict think carefully about whether it is worth raising.


Keep your distance from people who cannot separate differences of opinion from relationships. Healthy people are self defined. They are able to hold their own opinions and respect those who hold different opinions. Unhealthy people need others to agree with them and if they don't often assume that they "are not for them." This is pathology and you are unlikely to change it. Keep your distance!


When we choose to disagree, do it in an agreeable way. Conflict can be avoided by simply choosing to be agreeable even when disagreeing. Keep issues from becoming personal by speaking to the issue and avoiding personal attacks. Healthy individuals de-escalate conflict (a soft word turns away wrath) rather than escalating conflict. Healthy individuals seek reconciliation rather than division. 


Don't hold on to issues. Forgive, keep short accounts and never judge motives. When we let go we have a much greater chance at living at peace. Sometimes, choosing to live at peace is to realize that knotty issues will not be sorted out this side of heaven and we simply choose to forgive and move on so we are not held in bondage to the unresolved issue. We give up our right to "be right" for the sake of a peaceful relationship.


There are times when we cannot easily live at peace with others which is why Paul says "as far as it depends on you." We cannot control the attitudes and actions of others but we can control our own. It takes wisdom, intentionality, and a heart of peace to be a person of peace. 

Growing better self awareness

How well do you know yourself? Self awareness is a critical factor in the success of our relationships, friendships and work staff. Unaware people often hurt others and their relationships because they are not cognizant of how their words, attitudes or behaviors impact others. This is especially true with unaware leaders whose lack of awareness causes staff to think that they are uncaring, harsh, lack empathy or simply narcissistic. 

Self awareness means that I understand how I am wired, how I am likely to react to others and situations, what my blind spots and shadow side are, what pushes my emotional buttons and how I am perceived by those around me. While those perceptions may not be the "real us" from our point of view, they are the "real us" to those around us. 

For instance, I can be viewed as distant and private by those who know me from a distance. To mitigate against that I work on spending quality time with those I work with and being as self-disclosing as possible so that they understand the real me. However, if I was not aware of that perception, I would not be able to take steps to counter it. 

What is important to understand is that we have a view of who we are but others around us also have a view of who we are and the two views may be very different. In fact, the more self aware we are the less discrepancy there will be between our view of us and others view of us and the less self aware we are the greater the discrepancy will be. That is because a large part of self awareness is understanding how others perceive us.

Self aware people are able to take steps to mitigate against the parts of their wiring that can be troublesome in interactions and relationships. We cannot fundamentally change our wiring (although the Holy Spirit can) but we can manage our shadow side in ways that facilitate healthier interactions and relationships. 

How do we grow our self awareness? I would suggest doing some reading on EQ or Emotional Intelligence as a start. That will at least give one a framework to understand oneself better. To drill down deeper, we need to have some conversations with those around us as to how they perceive us and what they think our blind spots are. Because we are blind to our blind spots, only feedback from others will help us understand what they are.

Find a trusted friend or colleague and ask some questions: What do you see as my greatest strengths? What do you see as my greatest weaknesses? Describe your perception of who I am to me. What things do you think I am blind to in my interactions, attitudes or actions? Are there things I do that unintentionally hurt others or damage relationships? If you could be completely candid with me about something you see that I should be aware of, what would it be?

I am blessed to have a wife who is honest with me and trusted colleagues who I can have those kinds of conversations with. I am more self aware because of it and better able to manage those parts of me that can hurt others or be perceived as insensitive. I have come a long way but am certain I have a long way to go given the complexities of how I am wired. However, my self discovery has been a major part of my growth as an individual, husband, father and leader. 

It should be obvious that this kind of self discovery takes a great deal of humility and a lack of defensiveness. It is defensive people, and those who need to project a certain image who are the least self aware because they lack the ability to hear feedback from others. In fact, if you are unable to ask these kinds of questions and hear candid feedback it should be a warning to you that you are not only self unaware but likely to stay that way because of the fear of understanding the real you. Growing our self awareness is part of the journey to becoming healthier individuals. 

Jesus centered churches

I dream of a church where...


Jesus and the gospel He proclaimed is the center of everything. Jesus changes lives, and the gospel He proclaimed changes lives and communities as God's people live out their faith in all arenas of life. The Bible is not a self help book as practical as it is. It is the story of redemption - how the God of the universe came to change broken lives through forgiveness, new life, transformation and purpose in joining Him in His work. At the center of everything is Jesus who invites us to follow Him. I dream of a church where Jesus is the center of everything.


The transformation of the gospel in our lives is the goal of all we do. Transformation of our hearts where we understand and live out grace, transformation of our minds so we think like Jesus, transformation of our priorities so our live reflect the concerns of Jesus and transformation of our relationships so that we see people like Jesus sees them and love them like Jesus loves them. Transformation is not a set of rules and regulations but cooperating with the Holy Spirit to see these four areas that make up our lives resonate with Jesus. I dream of a church where becoming like Jesus is the overriding goal.


Success is defined by spiritual transformation and not by numbers, size, facilities and programs. Too many churches are chasing the wrong dream - size, facilities and programs when the Biblical definition of success is spiritual transformation of people who live, grow and minister in community (Ephesians). I dream of a church where success is not defined by the metrics of the world but by the life change Jesus wants to bring. 


We are outward focused rather than inward focused. Jesus went to where the people who needed him were while we often hope they will come to us at our church. If you look at the typical church programming we are so scheduled with church activities that we have little time to develop relationships with those who need Jesus let alone to get involved in meaningful ways in their lives. I dream of a church where intentional involvement with those who don't know Jesus is the norm not the exception.


Grace and love reign supreme. Each of us who knows Jesus is in His family because he extended His amazing grace to us when we did not deserve it and He loved us with an everlasting love. If He did that for us, we need to do that for one another and for those who don't yet know Him. I dream of a church where His love, acceptance and grace is extended to all and is the magnet that draws people to Jesus.


God's truth is proclaimed in its fullness. God's Word contains all that we need for a life of godliness but it must be taught in its entirety - those parts that we love and those parts that are hard and inconvenient for us to confront. Jesus gladly forgives our sin but also calls us to obedience and followership. He freely gives us grace but tells us not to use that grace as an excuse to sin. The Pentateuch gives us a foundation for a moral and upright life, the historical books examples of people who did or did not follow God, the books of wisdom proclaim the fear of the Lord, the prophets, the heart of God, the Gospels the centrality of Jesus and the epistles the guidance for holy living. I dream of a church that boldly proclaims His truth in its fullness so that we are thoroughly equipped for a life of godliness.


Transparency and authenticity are the rule rather than the exception. Christians are broken sinners, saved by grace who still struggle with all the issues that make up the human condition living in a fallen world. Yet the church is often the last place that we are able to be authentic and transparent about our struggles. I dream of a church where authenticity is celebrated and through transparency we are able to experience and give grace and spur one another on to faithful followership of Jesus.


Our communities are directly impacted by the gospel. Jesus did not come just to change individual hearts. His gospel is designed to have a profound impact on society through the influence of His followers as they live out their faith in their circles of influence, neighborhoods and workplaces. Jesus Himself asked us to pray that His will would be done on earth as it is done in heaven. I dream of a church that takes seriously His call to be salt and light in their community and influence their community with the love, righteousness and grace of Jesus.


All people are equally loved, cared for, appreciated and ministered to. Jesus loved all and He had special compassion and love for those whom the rest of society spurned whether wealthy tax collectors, beggars, the poor, the lame and sick or prostitutes. All were welcome at his table, in His crowd and in His family. We cannot live out the life of Jesus or His gospel without caring about all people, not simply the ones who we are comfortable with. I dream of a church that goes out of its way to find and minister to the marginalized in society.


The reputation of Jesus is always lifted high. Congregations, like people, either lift high the reputation of Jesus or drag Him down to our level in the minds of others through our behavior, love or lack of it, grace or lack of it. Fighting and bickering congregations hurt the reputation of Jesus while those who live in unity, even in the hard times, lift it up. I dream of a church that places His name and reputation higher than its own wants and desires and always chooses behaviors that will lift Jesus high. 


And you, what do you dream for the church?