Is there a connection between the lack of spiritual transformation generally and the spiritual lives of Christian leaders?

We talk much about spiritual transformation in the church and the lack of it among many believers. My own observation, however is that there are many lay people who are more concerned about true transformation and intimacy with God then those who lead them.

This may well be why there is a restlessness among many in our congregations for something more authentic in their Christian lives, something they are not getting or hearing from the pulpit. They are less enamored with theological knowledge and more hungry for the transformation and living waters that Jesus promises. Is their hunger a symptom of our own lack of hunger and therefore inability to deliver that living water to them?

I don't believe this is intentional but I do believe it can be dangerous for those of us in professional ministry. It is very easy to substitute our knowledge of all things theological for the hard work of translating that knowledge into our own lives. It is also easy to substitute our engineering of disciplemaking pathways in our churches for the needed transformational pathways in our own lives. In fact, while I believe in disciplemaking pathways, the truly transformed and vital spiritual life of a leader is more powerful than any pathway. You cannot ignore a life that is lived close to Jesus.

Since we cannot lead people to places we have not gone we cannot deliver living water that we are not drinking deeply from. Our enemy is our schedule, the good things we are doing for God (in our minds) and our theological knowledge. That knowledge is an easy but empty substitute for God's work in our own soul. In fact, I am no longer enamored by prodigious knowledge that is not also coupled by a deep hunger for God's transformational presence in one's life.

If our churches are seeing far less transformation than they want to see (as the Reveal study shows) is that possibly a symptom of our own lack of transformation as Christian leaders. It is uncomfortable for me to ask the question but I wonder.

The first and most important work of a Christian leader is to ensure that Jesus is our first love and highest priority. That we are allowing him to do the fundamental work of growth, transformation and stripping away of all things base in our lives. That takes time, introspection and the hard work of following closely after Jesus ourselves. Only then can we truly bring people to the living waters of Jesus.

Five danger zones for leaders that contribute to leadership failure

I have spent a great deal of time lately mulling over the propensity of otherwise good leaders to crash and burn after years of effective leadership. we have examples in Scripture of leaders like King Saul and there are many contemporary examples. But what are the factors and symptoms that most often contribute to good leaders who get themselves into trouble?

One. We neglect our inner life for too long a period of time. This is usually not by design but the busyness of life (leaders are busy) and the demands that are either self imposed or other imposed (and not regulated) cause many leaders to run faster and faster until they are exhausted and the shallowness of a neglected inner life catches up. We can easily rationalize our busyness by thinking that what we are doing we are doing for God but He does not ask us to do anything at the expense of our inner spiritual lives.

Schedule, a fast pace of life fueled by the "importance" of what I am doing are deadly to healthy leaders. Because our outer life is simply a reflection of our inner lives, neglect of the former spells trouble for the latter. The antidote is actually to slow down and do less activity, more introspection and spend more time with God. He does not feed our ego as our activity and other people do but He feeds our tired and hungry hearts. 

Two. We start to believe our own press. People tell us we are good leaders and somewhere along the way we begin to believe that we are better people and leaders than we really are. Our humility erodes and our pride increases until we end up with a highly over inflated view of our leadership, self importance and value to the organization we lead. 

Belief in ourselves, our abilities, when they become over-inflated, cause us to make decisions without adequate input from others (we know the direction, we know the truth north) and even make over-calculations as to the impact of those decisions. After all we have a history of making good calls so this one must be a good one as well. 

The antidote is never to believe the press others give you but to cultivate a thorough and accurate self knowledge that is based on deeply understanding one's wiring, dark side, propensity to sin and the "real truth" about who we are. The more press we get, the more time we need to access who we truly are because the accolades from others are never a true picture of who we really are. It is only a public persona that others see. They see the good but we know the dark side. What we want to maintain is an accurate picture of who we are which is rarely the inflated picture others have of us as leaders. The loss of personal humility is deadly to any leader.

Three. We stop listening to the people who will tell us the truth and start listening to those who tell us what we want to hear. This is a very dangerous place to be. Those who tell us what we want to hear simply stroke our egos and opinions which only works to prove to ourselves what we want to think or hear. It is false knowledge that begins to skew our view of reality. When our view of reality becomes skewed, we see life through a faulty lens which blinds us to the dysfunction in our lives and causes us to make decisions that are based on skewed data. 

Once a leader gets to this stage, they are headed for trouble because they no longer listen to truth tellers, even those who have been truth tellers and counselors in the past. Because they trust their own judgments, they are able to discard those who don't agree with them and seek counsel from those who will agree with them. 

This is complicated by a fourth characteristic. Leaders at this stage often divide people into two camps, those who are for them and those who are against them. After all, with an inflated view of our own self importance and value, those who disagree with us must not understand how God is using us! And in getting in our way they are also getting in God's way. Often those who share opinions or counsel that the leader does not want to hear are marginalized and put into the enemy camp effectively preventing them from ever speaking into their lives again. I have had this happen to me on a number of occasions. 

This becomes a self fulling prophecy of leadership implosion unless it can be halted. The antidote is to surround ourselves with wise, Godly people who have permission to speak into our lives and whose counsel we will never disregard even when it is hard to hear.   The best counselors are those who have had a history of giving us wise counsel in the past, before we were in the place we are today. When leaders crash and burn and others look back they almost always see an individual who has isolated herself or himself, stopped listening to those they used to listen to and increasingly narrowed their list of friends or counselors. 

Fifth, leaders who crash and burn have usually isolated themselves from others. Often this is because they no longer feel they need to be accountable, or are running too fast to stay in relationship, or are unwilling to be transparent in their relationships out of a desire to control their image. This isolation also involves keeping others at arms length so that it is not easy to "reach" them. Often, the knowledge that my opinion may cause them to marginalize me will keep me from speaking up, and the strong personality of an isolated leader can keep me from pressing in.

Image control naturally leads to isolation since transparency is a prerequisite of close relationship and transparency gets in the way of image control. The need to control image is a sign of one who has become isolated and that isolation will eventually hurt them. God designed us for relationship and community and that community keeps us from going in directions that are unhealthy. Isolation removes the protection of deep friendships and community and sets us up for trouble.

All of us need others in our lives who will speak truth, hold us accountable, help us in our journey of faith and give wise counsel. When we cross a line where we are too important or too busy to cultivate those relationships we will find ourselves in dangerous waters. If you are a leader, pay attention to these five characteristics. We are all susceptible to them. They are very dangerous, each of them. In combination they are deadly.

Ask yourself these questions on a regular basis:
1. Am I too busy for my inner life?
2. Am I starting to believe my own press?
3. Have I marginalized people I listened to in the past?
4. Am I dividing people into camps: for me and against me?
5. Am I becoming isolated?

Eleven things your younger leaders need to learn

Those of us who lead at any level are responsible for raising up the next generation of leaders behind us. Frequently we focus on leadership skills. Just as important, if not more, however is the development of the inner life of a leader from which their leadership will emerge.

I would like to suggest that there are eleven practices or disciplines that all leaders must have in order to be effective. If we can help the next generation leaders understand and live out these practices they will be well served. If they don't get these things they will not lead well.

1. The inner life of a leader will determine how good a leader they become. They can have all the skill in the world but if the inner life is not rock solid and continuously paid attention to they will not succeed as a spiritual leader. The hidden discipline of developing the inner life always comes before the public role of leadership.
2. Personal humility is a non-negotiable for good leadership. True humility is clear about what strengths we have as well as our weaknesses and therefore our need for others. Humility serves others while pride serves self. Because spiritual leadership is other focused and Jesus centered it must come from a place of personal humility.
3. Suffering and pain is a major way that God molds great leaders. It is when we are challenged that we grow and the test of a spiritual leader is whether they grow in their faith during hard times or move away from God in disillusionment. There is no way to effective leadership without the molding and forging of hard times. If you are going to lead, expect it and make the most of it.
4. Leaders actively embrace spiritual transformation. God can only use people to bring others closer to Him who are themselves allowing God to transform them. Transformation of their hearts to understand and live out grace. Transformation of their minds to think like Jesus thinks. Transformation of life priorities to align our lives with His and transformation of our relationships to see people as Jesus sees them and love people as Jesus loves them.
5. Our shadow side must be managed. All of us have a shadow side. It is the opposite of our strengths and it is those areas where we struggle with sin or negatively impact others. We cannot eliminate our shadow side but we can manage it by understanding it and modifying our behaviors so that they don't hurt others. Leaders who don't manage their shadow side will never lead well.
6. Emotional intelligence matters and needs to be developed. Healthy EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is one of the most important traits of a leader. It allows them to understand how they are perceived by others, to differ with others while staying relationally connected, hear feedback without defensiveness and negotiate conflict in a healthy manner. Poor EQ is the number one reason that leaders fail.
7. I can only lead from who God made me to be. God can use any personality style to lead and we will never be successful emulating someone else's leadership style. We can learn from others but we can only lead out of our own God given wiring. We must develop a leadership style that is consistent with our personality and wiring rather than emulate others.
8. Leaders live intentional lives. Accidental living does not make for a good leader because it is a life of reaction rather than a proactive life of considered intentionality. Leaders live intentionally so that they accomplish what God wants them to accomplish personally and with others. There is a discipline to a good leader's life that is based on the important things rather than the ancillary things.
9. Leaders are clear about what matters. There are many things that vie for our attention personally and organizationally. Leaders are able to identify what is truly important and not be distracted by the unimportant. They are clear themselves and help those they lead become clear. Clarity of life and mission are marks of a good leader.
10. Leaders live with transparency. The more transparent a leader is about both success and failure with others the more they are followed, respected and lead from authenticity. Authentic lives, where words match action, where we don't pretend to be something we are not and are open about our strengths and weaknesses, failures and accomplishments allows others to see the real us and to lead from a place of authenticity rather than from a place of pretense. 
11. Leaders guard their hearts. Everything in Christian leadership comes down to the heart. When leaders don't guard their hearts (King Saul) they lose their ability to lead. When they do (David) they lead from a place of health and strength. The Psalms say that David led from integrity of heart and skillful hands. Above all else, leaders guard their hearts on a moment by moment and daily basis.

Sex trafficking in the open

I am currently in Hong Kong where I grew up. It is a wonderful city but within blocks of my hotel is a sign for women - on the street - with prices that differ by nationality. Right in the open, in Mongkok. These women have become a commodity, and not only a commodity but valued monetarily by whether they are Thai, from Hong Kong, China or Russia. Oh, there is a free preview to pick your product.


It is an evil devaluation of individuals who are made in God's image. God's heart must be deeply grieved by the "use" of people He created, loves, died for, and meant for relationship with Him. These are someone's daughters, sisters and mothers. They are women that God wants to make daughters of the king. Rather than being loved they are being used as objects of lust an hour at a time.


This is the face of sex trafficking. It is the face of evil. It is the face of lives and dreams destroyed. It is the face of the evil one whose whole MO is to destroy people made in God's image. The question is whether we are pained as Jesus is pained. Whether we are willing to take action when this happens in our neighborhood and city. 


The Lord said through Isaiah:
Is this not the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter -
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
Then your light will break forth like the dawn
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
Isaiah 58:6-8.


Do we have God's heart? 

Do we really comprehend and live out God's grace in our lives?

It is not by accident that the hymn, Amazing Grace is a favorite for so many. It captures so well the essence of what attracted us to Jesus,  redeemed us and it will indeed be something that we will spend eternity trying to comprehend. "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast (Ephesians 2:8-9)."


I am convinced that we will never fully understand the full scope of God's grace this side of eternity but that it must be something that we push into daily. The more we understand His grace in our lives, the more content we are in Jesus, the more grace we show others and the more we look like Jesus. He is the essence of grace and it was what made Him the magnet for people that He was.


Understanding grace is a life changer for us and for how we relate to others. Too often we are recipients of God's grace but are not students of what it means to extend that same grace to others. The legalism, conditional acceptance, interpersonal conflict and lack of love even in the church is evidence of the great need for God's people to grow in grace. Knowing truth is not enough for Christ followers. Living out truth with the grace of Christ is what will attract others to us and then to Jesus. Jesus came full of "grace and truth." Do we?


For instance, when I truly understand and live out grace:


-I no longer try to earn God's favor but understand that there is nothing I can do to make Him love me more and there is nothing I can do to make Him love me less. Therefore I can be joyful and content in my daily walk with Him.


-I do not feel the need to play the role of the Holy Spirit in the lives of others but rather extend to them the grace God extends to me, pray for them and be patient with their faults as God is with mine. I am slow to judge, quick to think the best and remember how patient and gracious God is with me in my personal growth as I extend that same attitude toward others.


-I am able to forgive myself for my own shortcomings, knowing that God has already done that. My motivation to grown in my obedience is no longer about earning His favor but rather wanting to please Him out of gratitude for His amazing love.


-I forgive others quickly knowing that Jesus extends that gift to me daily. I cannot withhold from others what Jesus has so graciously extended to me. I don't give people what they deserve but what they don't deserve, just as Jesus did not give us what we deserve.


-I no longer look at people the way the world does but know that every individual I encounter has eternal value in His eyes and therefore must in my eyes as well. I go out of my way to love those that others don't love and to give value to those that others forget. 


-I don't display conditional love just as Jesus does not give  me conditional love. Unconditional love is the love of grace and it is an act of our will based on God's unconditional love for me.


-I love to surprise people with grace when they least expect or even deserve it. Just like Jesus with tax collectors, prostitutes, adulterers, lepers, and all those that were considered undeserving and worthy only of judgement. After all, God surprised us with grace when we did not deserve or expect it.


-I am not hard or harsh even when I need to bring correction to a brother or sister. Rather, my motivation is always love that comes out of God's gracious love in my own life. I display toward other the same graciousness that God gives to me daily.


-I love to encourage those who have messed up big time that God is not finished with them yet and that He can redeem their sin and give them hope and a purpose. After all, that is what God did for us. He is the hope for the broken, the guilty, and the hopeless. There is no person and no situation that God cannot redeem so we become evangelists of His hope.


There are many other characteristics of living out a life of grace. One of the most valuable things we can do is to regularly think about all of our relationships, attitudes, words and actions from a filter of God's grace to us. Reading the gospels regularly helps us to capture the secrets of Jesus' grace to inform us of what it means to live a grace filled life.

Creating dissonance for Jesus

Recently I went to the cardiologist for an annual checkup. I had just had an echo cardiogram on my heart which showed it to be completely normal. It was a normal visit until he started looking back over my chart on the computer to events in 2007 and 2008 where my mitral valve had failed when I was deathly ill.

He asked me when I had undergone surgery to fix it and we told him that I had not but that God had healed it when many people from around the world had been praying. He sat there stunned as he read what had happened and compared that to the normal heart in front of him on the echo. He could not reconcile a normal heart with the echo's he saw from my past hospitalization and that without surgery to fix it.

This created dissonance for him. It did not fit his categories. And, it gave us an opportunity to share how God had worked in our lives. 

God loves to create dissonance in the thinking of people and he loves it when we do the same in our actions, attitudes or responses to others. That dissonance between what people expect in the normal course of events and what they experience when it is present causes them to sit up and think! When God intervenes and shows up unexpectedly it creates spiritual dissonance for people and I regularly invite Him to do so. The Holy Spirit has amazing ways of getting peoples attention when He intervenes in the normal course of life. 

We also create dissonance when we as believers simply act like Jesus would. Forgiving when people would expect us to hang on to an offense. Helping when people would expect us to go our own way. Loving those who are usually overlooked. Being generous with those who have a need. Just as Jesus was the expert at doing the unexpected, so we can and should be. It creates dissonance which then leads to questions which leads to the opportunity to share Jesus. 

God's power is beyond anything our world can comprehend and when His finger touched my broken heart it healed. The way of Jesus is beyond anything our world can comprehend and when we simply live like He did we create the same dissonance God does. That dissonance between what is expected and what is demonstrated is God's way of getting peoples attention. 

Invite God to create dissonance in those around you and join Him in doing it yourself by simply living out the life of Jesus.

Evangelicals and the environment

I remember the first "earth day" in the seventies and how the Christians in my circles mocked the idea. I was living in Hong Kong at the time, a relatively poor dirty place at the time that seemed to care little about the environment. Then came earth day where we could think about saving the earth and it was well, not so popular among evangelicals.


Reflecting back on that and the lack of care that we have given the earth and even the lack of a theology of caring for the environment makes me wonder why this has not been a greater topic of concern for Christ followers.


A reading of Genesis one and two reveals that God did not create a shoddy world. In fact, He took his time, used all of His creativity and created the most amazing universe that we are still seeking to understand. And He pronounced it good. As the apex of His creation he created men and women made in His image and gave them the job of looking after "ruling over" His creation. The words "rule over" actually echo the fact that God "rules over" all of creation, including us. 


Given the beauty and care with which God created this world I cannot help but believe that those things that destroy that creation, or poison the fresh water He gave us or that trashes the environment is an affront to him. Clearly He gave us creation to use but not to abuse. When we see beauty why does it give us joy? Because it is an echo of the garden and the way God designed our world. Beauty is a mirror of God.


Evangelicals along the way who have raised their voices for a more responsible use of the resources God has given have often been marginalized and labeled as liberals by others. Why? If God created an amazingly good creation why are those who express concern for that creation treated as pariahs in the evangelical community? 


If one reads the account of the New Creation that is coming, God is going to redeem even creation itself with the New Heavens and New earth, so why should that not be a concern of ours today.


One of the byproducts of our trashing of His creation is the fact that much of our world does not even have clean drinking water. Consider what our lives would be like if we drank dangerous bacteria very day because of a lack of clean water. I write this blog in Bangalore, India, a country that desperately needs clean water supplies.


Concern for the environment should never eclipse our concern for the gospel message which is the ultimate hope for each individual. But it should not meant that we should not care about those things that God cares about. And my read of Genesis one and two is that He cared about the world he handed us to rule over a great deal. If it matters to Him, it matters to me. The first earth day was when God looked at His creation and declared it good. I hope that He can look at our stewardship and declare it good as well. At least what we can control.

The fall and its direct connection to us today

While we don’t think of the fall very often, it changed everything for our world and for our lives. There is a direct connection between every sin we struggle with and every heartache we experience with the fall, when Adam and Eve chose to disobey God.

With the fall, what God had declared to be “good” and “very good” became bad and very bad. It is hard to comprehend the terrible consequences of that act of disobedience for in an instant everything changed. Immediately Adam and Eve lost the innocence of righteousness and realized they were naked and ashamed. Then when God came to commune with them as He did in the garden they hid from Him.

For the first time, they understood and felt guilt. For the first time they were afraid of God. For the first time they experienced relational disconnect as Adam blamed Eve. For the first time they blamed others for their sin: Eve, Satan and Adam, Eve. It was an awful, terrible, cataclysmic day of firsts that has dogged every one of our footsteps down to the present day. No longer would God walk with them in the garden. No longer could they even remain in the garden. For the first time, hardships would enter their lives and they and their offspring would suffer all of the effects of sin: Relational brokenness with God, with one another, disease, death, sorrow, pain, murder, war, bondage, addictions, and all the brokenness that we have experienced firsthand.

Of all the consequences of the image being broken the one most cataclysmic in its implications was the separation of the created with the creator. From friends with God we became enemies of God. Our sin made us objects of His wrath for sin cannot co-exist with absolute righteous holiness. 

From people destined for eternity with Him we now became people destined for eternity without him as well as physical decay and death.  Righteous hearts turned dark. Communion with God became distant where it existed at all. A friendly world turned unfriendly and uncooperative. It was a tsunami shift in every way.

Every heartache we have suffered, every fear, every setback, every funeral we have attended, every sadness we feel, depression we suffer from, sin we struggle with, physical ailment we deal with, emotions we struggle with – it all goes back to the fall. It was in every way a very far fall, a fall so far that it is impossible to adequately describe its impact. It was an eternal fall as people destined for life with God became absolutely separated from God. It was a massive fall as hearts that once embraced God now rejected Him. It was a fearful fall as people who once treated one another with love now used people for their own purposes. A perfect image became a ruined facsimile of its original form.

Yet, God in His love and grace left a residue of His image even in the fall. This includes a knowledge in the hearts of men and women that there is more to life than mere physical existence and a desire to understand what that is. Solomon says in Ecclesiastes 3:11, “He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet on one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Think about that: eternity set in our hearts so that we would look for eternal significance. Yet it is still frustrating because “no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

Paul makes a similar point in Romans 1:18-20, that God has indeed made himself known to mankind. “The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them. For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities – his eternal power and divine nature – have been clearly seen being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.” 

The very magnificence of creation in all of its forms from the galaxies in the skies to the beauty of the depths of the seas clearly demonstrates that there is an eternal hand behind all of creation.

Furthermore, God left in the human heart the capacity, through our choice, and God’s call to respond to Him and to enter into new life with Him. In fact, His intention to come and rescue a world gone terribly wrong was announced at the very time that he pronounced judgment on Satan and Adam and Eve at the fall.

“So the Lord God said to the serpent, ‘Because you have done this, Cursed are you above all livestock and all wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life. And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head and you will strike his heel.”

It seems that serpents were forever destined to crawl on the ground as they became a symbol of Satan who had appeared to Eve in the form of a snake. But more important is what God says about the relationship between Satan and the woman and her offspring. There will be enmity between Satan and Eve which is understandable given his part in this terrible event. Eve would never forget the awful event that Satan had enticed her to participate in.

But then God says something more interesting. He will put enmity between Satan’s offspring and hers. But the apex of this verse is the last phrase, “he will crush your head and you will strike his heal.” 

Here God introduces a single male offspring who will eventually come and who will crush the head of Satan once and for all even as Satan strikes his heel. This is the first reference in Scripture to the One who would one day come and defeat Satan. Even on this terrible day that changed all of history, there would be another day that would also change history, the day that a Savior would come and defeat the evil one.

Think about this. From that day forward, Satan knew that he would be defeated by an unknown male offspring of Eve. He lived in eternal fear of who that would be and when that day would come. It is clear he recognized Jesus for who He was when He ministered on earth, which is why Satan tried to entice Him to follow Him in the desert temptations immediately after Jesus’ baptism by John. And, on Good Friday he was ecstatic that God’s Son was crucified! He had won! He had defeated the one who came to defeat him. Little did he count on Resurrection Sunday and on that day he knew he had met his waterloo. He had lost. God had won and all he could do from that day forward was to fight a losing rearguard battle.

All of history from the awful day of the fall has been a story of redemption as God, out of amazing love for rebellious people put in place His divine rescue operation that would climax with the ministry, death and resurrection of Jesus and culminate in a New Heavens and New Earth where God and His redeemed will live for all time. 

Where have all the demons gone?

I think demons have abandoned America. After all we are too sophisticated for demons. As proof, how often do you hear them talked about? Or your pastor talk about them? Maybe CS Lewis tricked us with his Screwtape letter stuff. Seriously, where are they? I see them in the majority world but this is with largely uneducated people. We are too educated for such thinking. So either they have abandoned us as irrelevant, or we have banished them as vestiges of a less sophisticated world.


And that is precisely what Satan and his minions desire us to think. They are the foolishness of a past and less sophisticated world, relegated to the silly pictures of the Middle Ages, red skinned martian like figures with pointed ears and tails.


Except, Scripture would have us believe differently. "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12). And since Satan and his forces masquerade as agents of light, they are not about to reveal their true identity. 


Satan loves to convince people that he is irrelevant and even non existent in the west. In the rest of the world he loves to make himself evident and a source of fear because his audiences there understand, believe in and live in fear of the spirit world. Satan will use whatever strategy He needs to in order to destroy people and lives, even if that means staying in the background and letting people think he is not there or even not real.


While we live in  a sophisticated society, what that means is that sin has become more sophisticated as well. The wonders of the internet bring us amazing gifts along with secret addictions of pornography. The basis of our society has as many believers wrapped up in materialism as it does non believers - perhaps the ultimate addiction and lie - that happiness is to be found in the abundance of our possessions. Our lone ranger American mentality makes it hard for us to live in community with other believers and our "bootstrap" success definition makes us blind to the injustices around us.


Who do we think is behind the sad fact that Christ followers are so ungenerous with what God has given them? Does it not lie in our own greed, and lack of faith that God will provide if we are as generous with him a he is with us? What wants to keep us in a place of bondage to our pocketbook or credit cards or inflated dreams? My guess is that we keep a lot of demons busy in areas like this.


Unfortunately for us, Satan is alive and well and we are in a daily spiritual battle that we cannot see but which is no less real. All unbiblical thinking, behavior and attitudes are fodder for Satan to  take advantage of. He is there and he is real. But the Lord of the Universe is more powerful which is why Paul tells us to "be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power (Ephesians 6:10)."


Don't be fooled about the realities of the spiritual dynamics around us. They are real but if we live in fellowship of the Spirit we will both recognize them for what they are and be successful in overcoming them.

Preaching that tells or preaching that helps people think like Christ thinks

There is a real distinction between preaching that tells people what to do and how to do it and preaching that unpacks the text and helps people understand how to apply it in their context. The first tells people what to think while the second helps people evaluate their lives against Scripture and make personal decisions on the basis of the truth that they know.


We have a real need to help people think Christianly. It is easy to share rules and regulations that "evangelicals" would commonly share - which often results in legalism. It takes more skill to help people dig into Scripture and make personal lifestyle decisions based on their understanding of how God's word applies to them along with sensitivity to what the Spirit is prompting within them. 


When we tell people what to do and how to do it we make them dependent on us. When we help people understand how to study the Scriptures and make decisions based on what God teaches we make them dependent on the Holy Spirit. While there are many black and white issues in Scripture that don't allow for differences of interpretation there are also many areas that are grey and require real wisdom to discern what our course of action ought to be. That is where helping people think Christianly becomes very important.


Take the workplace for example, where many of us spend the majority of our time. How does God's word apply the amazingly complex issues we face in that environment? If we are to negotiate the complexities of work we don't need a set of rules but we do need some principles that we measure all of our actions against. It is only those who have developed the ability to think in God like categories who will make a difference in their workplace. Telling people what to do will not cut it. Helping them think Christianly in the unique circumstances they find themselves will. 


The best preaching helps those who listen think like Christ would think. It shares principles from God's word that go to the heart of what it means to follow Jesus and live out the Gospel. And it helps us evaluate our lives against His Word on an ongoing basis. It is less about telling us what to do than about helping us to think in Christian categories and make the application of the gospel to our everyday lives.

Things Satan likes about the church

1. When we keep everyone programmed up in church so they don't bother their friends or community with the gospel.
2. When we have so many boards and committees that it takes forever to get anything done or decided.
3. When we hire people to do ministry so that others don't get trained or released into meaningful ministry
4. When we preach self help sermons that don't go to the heart of the Gospel
5. When we water down the text to make it non-offensive
6. When we focus on programming and numbers rather than Gospel impact
7. When we spend so much on our facilities that we don't have much left over for mission outreach
8. When we teach people how to be a good evangelicals rather than focus on real transformation of their hearts, thinking, priorities and relationships
9. When we get wrapped up in conflict so that we are distracted from our real mission
10. When we have no clearly defined mission so everyone is comfortable and no one is seriously pushing into Satan's territory
11. When we convince lay people that they are not really qualified to do real ministry by our professionalization of ministry
12. When we confuse bringing people to church for bringing people to Jesus
13. Our church growth methodology of simply outperforming other local churches so that we grow by transfer not evangelism leaving Satan's territory relatively unscathed
14. Our ineffective boards that make for ineffective ministry

Growing your ministry by developing new relationships

It is counter intuitive but a key way to grow your ministry is to focus on relationships outside of your ministry and normal relational circle. Relationships are the door openers to all kinds of opportunities, help, counsel and ideas. The wider our circle of relationships the richer our lives and leadership.

The reason it is sometimes counter intuitive is that we often feel like we don't have time to develop a wide set of relationships given the busyness of our lives and the demands of leading our own ministry. However, relationships are leverage for growth in our own lives and consequently growth in our own ministries. 

As a ministry leader, I intentionally take the time to develop relationships with other leaders. In doing so I am blessed by:

• Learning new things from new people
• Meeting a new circle of leaders who other leaders know
• Finding synergies where we can work together
• Gaining advocates or counsel when I need them
• Finding solutions for common issues
• Meeting people I can serve in various ways
• Enjoying the fellowship of individuals who have similar values and goals

Every new relationship widens my own world and the world of others. I am enriched and hopefully I enrich others. In fact, who I am today is directly connected to the number of people who have enriched my life and leadership. I owe many people many thanks and I would not be where I am today without those relationships.

Over the years I have grown a considerable library. Those books are my friends and I love to commune with them. But more significant is the group of friends that I have grown who in various ways contribute to my life and ministry and to whom I can contribute. It is a world wide group and each one is important to me.

Never underestimate the value of taking the time to develop relationships outside of your normal circle and from other ministries. You never know how those connections will enrich you, allow you to enrich them, open doors, provide counsel and or simply allow you or them to be connectors with others in ways that build God's kingdom. For those who say, "I don't have time," my response is that it is some of the best time you will invest.

A failure of nerve

Leaders are periodically faced with issues or situations that they know in their gut ought to be addressed because they are threats to the success of the ministry. It is amazing how often, however, that they choose not to act on what they know, somehow hoping that the situation will right itself and continue on as if the threat did not exist.


It is simply a failure of nerve and it is a leadership failure.


Ministry and church boards are guilty and leaders at all levels are guilty of this when they know there is a threat to the organization but fail to address it. And it happens far more often than we would like to admit.


Boards and leaders have a great capacity to gloss over, ignore, put off, or explain away threats because they do not have the willingness and courage to name what is and figure out how to deal with it. In fact, most crises when they occur do so because there is a history of not dealing with an issue long before it damaged the ministry. The crisis is not really a surprise and was probably inevitable because the factors leading up to it were know but not dealt with along the way. Someone did not want to face hard facts.


Why do boards and leaders ignore issues that later on often become a crisis? They simply lack the nerve to address what they know to be true. This is true of the mission leader who knows that if they do not make radical shifts in philosophy they will go into decline. 


It is true of church boards that don't deal with pastors who leave large numbers of bodies in their wake. It is true of ministries that don't deal with financial issues. It is true of ministries that are in organizational drift. There are many scenarios but the common element is that someone in leadership is not willing to deal with a threat that they know to be real. 


A failure of nerve is a leadership failure that often leads to organizational crisis that could and should have been avoided. The sad thing is that in not addressing a known issue, the leader(s) have set the organization up for great pain that will impact many people and derail the ministry's success for a long period of time if not permanently. 


Most ministry crisis can be traced back to current or prior leaders who chose not to address a known issue. The result is that someone else must now deal with an even greater issue and the mission of the organization has been compromised. Their choice to ignore what they knew to be true was the true cause of the crisis that eventually occurred. 


It takes courage to lead. What we do about issues we know should be addressed as leaders or boards has significant long term ramifications. Our inaction will most likely cause harm to the ministry in the long term, hurt people in the process, and cause a larger problem in the future. A failure of nerve is simply a failure of courage to address what we know to be true. It is a leadership failure!


Those who ignore known issues are just as guilty for a crisis as those who caused them. Both are part of the cause. Sometimes they are one and the same.

Unleashing our lay people and overcoming the dysfunction of professional ministry

I believe that one of the five dysfunctions of the church is that of professional ministry where we hire specialists to do the work of ministry rather than to equip others to do ministry. This professionalism is even more interesting in that the movement I am a part of (the EFCA) and sister denominations came out of lay led movements in the eighteen hundreds.


The free church movement came out of an environment in Europe where the state church (non free churches) had become liberal, were not preaching the Gospel and where parishioners were not encouraged to study scripture themselves. Because they were not being fed in church, many started to meet in homes to pray, worship and study scripture resulting in the pietistic movement which brought revival to a number of countries in Europe and with that revival the planting of non-state run churches (free churches) which then spilled over to the United States. It was Europeans out of the free church movement who planted the same kind of churches here in the eighteen and nineteen hundreds.


Fundamental to this movement was the belief that lay people who had not had formal theological education were qualified to teach, preach and lead the church. One did not have to be a "theologian" in the professional sense of the word or have had formal theological education. In fact, many of these lay leaders and pastors had a greater understanding of scripture and the Christian life than their "educated" counterparts. 


Today, however, it is very rare and often difficult for those in the EFCA and fellow free church movements to become ordained without a formal theological degree. The unwritten understanding is that you need to have a Bible school or seminary degree in order to pastor. And the ordination process is designed to enforce this.


As the leader of the EFCA international mission, ReachGlobal, I work in an environment that is much closer to the roots of our movement where it is informally trained leaders who lead and pastor churches internationally. Most of the world cannot afford the luxury of a formal theological education given the poverty of the majority world. That, however, does not keep them from growing churches that are often healthier from a Gospel perspective than many churches in the west with their formally educated clergy. 


I am not anti theological education. I have one of the best and it has informed all my work. What I do object to is the professionalization of ministry that requires a theological degree to be in full or part time ministry or to be ordained in many of our movements. Many large churches in the west are rejecting that paradigm, training their own leaders and releasing them to preach, teach and lead in their settings. 


In basically ruling out ordination for those not professionally trained we perpetuate the clergy/lay distinction and send the message that to really be effective in ministry one must have a theological education (read degree). It is a good thing this was not true in the early church. Or in the majority world. 


Rather than discourage lay people from leading, teaching and preaching we ought to encourage it. It would raise the level of biblical understanding in our churches and release new ministry personnel who are either part time (bi-vocational) or full time. And why would we not encourage these very people who are gifted to plant and pastor churches themselves regardless of whether they have a formal degree or not?


Further, why ordain only people who can give the definition of obscure theological terms rather than ordain those who know the bible, can explain it well and teach it diligently? Knowing what superlapsarianism and infralapsarianism means is far less important than simply knowing good biblical theology that comes from a knowledge of the bible and can be applied to everyday life. We ought to know the biblical terms. Why should one need to know the litany of theological terms dreamed up by two thousand years of theologians in order to be effective in ministry? Or for that matter, Greek and Hebrew in order to preach well? I have a hard time believing that those would be the standards that Jesus would have for those in ministry!


Why cannot we open real ministry up to those who are trained both formally and informally and encourage both to get into ministry either full or part time? The church might actually see significant growth in the United States if we again allowed it to be a movement of lay people, not just those who are professionally trained and can get through an ordination process that is designed to weed out those who are not. I wonder how many lay people were given gifts by Jesus to lead, teach and preach that we do not unleash in meaningful ways because they are lay and not professional clergy?

Increase collaboration and innovation by eliminating unnecessary silos

Recently I had a great day moderating a discussion with a ministry about how to increase collaboration and innovation. They had been a highly compartmentalized (think silos) ministry where it was almost impossible to cross departmental lines to work synergistically. 


The irony is that when one got the right people around the table ideas flowed quickly for a full day. And, individuals who had not been able to collaborate freely in the past actually had skills that complemented one another. They are in the process of removing the roadblocks that had kept them siloed and are very excited about the prospects.


In a world that ought to be flat it is unfortunate that there are still many organizations which do not encourage, or even mandate synergistic collaboration regardless of the department they reside in. There may well be good reasons for different departments but there is no good reason for a paradigm that prevents or does not encourage collaboration across those departmental lines.


Here is the rule. The more compartmentalized an organization is the less synergistic collaboration they will have and the less innovation they will experience. Neither are preferred outcomes.


This is especially important today in a day when financial resources are less available meaning that effeciencies are more critical. Those effeciencies are often found in finding ways to maximize the intellectual capital of the organization, regardless of where it resides.


Another factor is that departments and people get into ruts in their thinking. When you bring in new talent from the outside (another department) you bring in someone who can look at problems and options with new eyes. 


Innovation and solutions are always better when done with the best intellectual talent possible. But that means collaboration and every organization either affirms and encourages it or does not. Hint: when leaders model it, others often follow suit.

Running process

"We need to run a process" is a common phrase in our organization. Whether we are considering hiring, transitioning an individual to a new role, putting someone in leadership or believe that we need to transition an individual out of the organization, running a process is a non-negotiable part of the equation.

It is one thing to believe that you are making the right decision in any of these cases. It is another thing to know for sure, to understand the upsides and downsides, to know what training and coaching will be needed with a new hire or a transition, or in the case of helping someone transition out of the organization that we have done due process and have a plan for how to proceed. With new hires it is understanding the wiring and experience of the individual to ensure that they are placed in the right spot.

Many organizations do not pay enough attention to the process. Mainly because it is because it is time intensive and hard work. 

How well we run these processes is a measure of how much we value people in our organization. People matter. They are the most important asset we have. Proper process is what we owe our people because the consequences of how we deploy them impacts them directly as well as the organization.

Process is an investment in our people, our organization and mission. It is some of the most important work we do.

Is your heart restless?

The older I get the more restless I am. For something more, something deeper, something that will fill my soul. There is a reason for that restlessness.

God created men and women specifically to have a relationship with their creator. In fact, it says that in the cool of the evening God would physically stroll in the garden with Adam and Eve. He took great pleasure in their company. The popular view of God for many, including Christ followers is that we should be afraid of Him. Yet, the creation account would indicate that God delights in the fellowship of His created.

Remember that God is three in one: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. They, as One, experience perfect relational peace with one another. In the same way, God created Adam and Eve to experience that relational peace with Him. As the Father delights in fellowship with the Son and the Holy Spirit, so He delights in the fellowship of those He created. In fact, he created us for fellowship with Him. Until they disobeyed God and understood what sin was, Adam and Eve simply took it for granted that they could commune with Him. It was natural, unimpeded, and just as God created it to be.

Here is the mystery of God’s heart: That he would want to create us in order to have fellowship with us. In order to love us and be loved by us. He delights in our worship of Him and he delights in showing His love to us. It was to men and women that God gave the capacity through our souls to have a relationship with Him. Of the created order, only mankind has this great privilege! It is no mistake that Satan went for the juggler with Eve: he specifically tried to sever and destroy this relationship that they were made for with God. In doing so he went to the very core: the fellowship and relationship between the created and the creator.

We often think that we have an obligation to spend time with God. That somehow by doing so we gain God’s favor. Here is the truth: God delights in our presence with Him. It is hard to understand but He, complete as He is in Himself, loves to be in our presence. This is the lesson of Mary and Martha in the Gospels. Martha was full of doing (obligation) while Mary simply sat at the feet of Jesus to listen. Jesus said to Martha, “Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her.”

It has been said that there is a hole in every human heart that only God can fill. It is why mankind seeks in all kinds of ways to discover the transcendent and relate to God even when looking in the wrong places. The reason for this is that our hearts were designed from the beginning for relationship with our creator. We were designed for Him! It is integral to being made in His image. That is why the longings of our hearts are never completely satisfied by anything else – or anyone else. As image bearers we are never complete until we are connected in heart relationship with the One who created us and the closer that relationship the more complete we become.

Positional and personal authority

Authority is an interesting concept. There are really two kinds of authority: positional and personal. Positional authority is based on one's position and responsibility in the workplace. Personal authority is the standing I have with others because of my behavior, values, treatment of others and morality. 

What is interesting is that it is possible to have positional authority without personal authority. Here, someone above us has title and position but does not have credibility or respect in our eyes. They think they have authority but it is actually a weak authority because they lack the trust of those they lead.

This is true of leaders at all levels whose personal lives, treatment of others, competencies, attitudes, or behaviors are not worthy of respect. Those under them may cooperate because they must but it is not a cooperation or followership based on respect or trust. And a leader who does not earn the respect and trust of those they lead is a leader who cannot truly lead. 

It is precisely these leaders who often make it clear to those they lead that they have positional authority over them ("I am the boss"). This is a sign of a lack of personal authority, a result of their lack of personal influence. Because they lack personal influence they are forced to use the positional authority card. Interestingly, those who must lead from primarily positional authority usually see those they lead as serving them, rather than them serving those they lead. 

This raises the question of which kind of authority is the most powerful. Without a doubt it is personal authority where people listen, respect, follow and cooperate based on who we are rather than position or titles we have. It is a life that has authority based on its authenticity, care for others, moral fiber and consistency. There are many who have personal authority but not positional authority. Personal authority is all about the influence one has with others and it can be very powerful indeed. 

Through personal authority, anyone in any position in an organization can have significant influence. In fact, in many cases, people who are not in positions of positional authority have more influence than those who are.

Healthy leaders lead from personal authority first and positional authority second. They are truly servants of those they lead which gives them huge credibility. Their lives and commitments give them influence with others and the respect of others.

All of us can develop personal authority and influence regardless of the position we hold or the titles we have. In fact, in healthy organizations only those who have personal authority are put in roles of positional authority.

TJ Addington of Addington Consulting has a passion to help individuals and organizations maximize their impact and go to the next level of effectiveness in both the for profit and non profit sectors. He can be reached at tjaddington@gmail.com

Redefining what it means to be pro life

I would like to redefine the "life" issue from a one topic agenda to a holistic view of life from a broader theological framework. Being pro life for me is not being anti abortion (although I am) but about understanding the sacredness of all human life and what it means to be a life giver like Jesus (John 10:10) in all situations. 


Why is human life sacred? Because God imbued it with an eternal soul! This is part of what it means to be made in His image. This is why God was so angry when Cain killed Able in the worlds first homicide. He had taken the life of a living person with an eternal soul who was made in God’s image. That eternal soul is a reflection of God’s eternal being and to treat it without the greatest dignity is to demean God Himself.

How we treat other human beings matters because they are made in His image. Unlike the animal kingdom they have eternal souls. This is the foundation of the command, “Thou shall not kill.” This is why Able’s blood cried out to God when Cain killed him (Genesis 4:10). This is also why God demanded strong punishment for those who murdered others, "For in the image of God has God made mankind (Genesis 9:6)."

Based on this understanding of the sacredness of human life, it was the early Christians who fought against the infanticide of unwanted infants in the Roman empire. It was Christians who cared for those dying of the plague throughout the Middle Ages, at the risk of their own lives. It is why Christians established orphanages, hospitals and homes for the elderly. Human life is sacred. It possesses an eternal soul. It is to be honored, cared for, and treated with dignity and respect. Anything that detracts from the dignity of human life is to be resisted. It possesses an eternal, God given soul.


This is why we care about those that others often ignore: the sick, the elderly, the marginalized and the disabled. It is the "widows and orphans" that scripture talks so much about. This is why we care about issues like human trafficking, pornography, prostitution, racial discrimination, injustice, famine and the atrocities of war. Human life is sacred and anything that takes away from its dignity is an affront to God and the image He gave each one.


Being pro-life is caring about the dignity of all people, understanding the intrinsic value of all people based on their eternal soul and being made in the image of their creator. I want to be pro-life in every relationship I have by treating each individual with dignity and honor.

A common leadership trap: Adding without subtracting

As leaders grow they take on new responsibilities. Often however, they fall into a common leadership trap by not jettisoning other activities to make space for the new. You cannot add without also subtracting! If you do, margin disappears and the quality of what you do is not what it should be. 


Regardless of our abilities we all have a finite amount of time and energy. We choose what we place in that available time and energy. But once full it is full. To put something new in requires that we take something old out. For something new to grow, something old must die, or be passed on to others.


Why do we hold on when we should let go? We know how to do something and may be very good at it. We may not like to disappoint people who want our time or attention. We may not be good at saying no. Or we enjoy doing it. Whatever the reason, to put something new in requires that we take something old out. 


This is actually the price of personal growth. Without taking on something new we don't grow. So the price of growth is to let go of other things that we have already mastered. As we grow in new areas our effectiveness also grows. The cost is giving something else up. You cannot effectively add without also subtracting.


What do you need to subtract?

Five mistakes to avoid in negotiating conflict

Conflict between individuals and organizations can either bring out the best or the worst in us. Too often it is the latter but that does not need to be the case. While conflict is a fact of living in a fallen world, there are ways to negotiate conflict in an honorable and God honoring way. We cannot control the behavior of the other party but we can determine ours. 


Avoid demonizing the opposing party. One of the reasons that conflict becomes so acrimonious so fast and continues to degenerate is that parties demonize the other. In doing so, they paint the other party as all bad. Once we believe that the other party is totally wrong or bad it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and rationale discussion is no longer possible. The other party may be displaying poor EQ, may be faulty in their thinking and may have poor motives but keep from making the conflict personal by demonizing them personally. 


Avoid sweeping statements. Facts matter in conflict. Stating provable and truthful facts is important. Sweeping statements that color the other party, their motives or their behaviors usually move beyond facts to our interpretation of those facts and it raises the level of conflict. If one cannot verify something, it is best not to raise the issue. Stick to what you know, can verify and avoid statements that are simply your assumptions, interpretations or exaggerations, or which go to the motives of the other party which you cannot know for certain.


Don't bring others into your conflict except to help resolve it. Involving others in conflict by rallying them to one's cause simply enlarges the conflict by enlarging the circle of individuals involved. It is like adding fuel to an existing fire and the likelihood is that additional people will be hurt. Keep the conflict between the principle parties and only bring others in to help resolve the issue.


Don't die on anthills. Choose carefully what issues really matter and must be resolved and what issues are trivial and in the end unimportant. Some people are obnoxious about needing to be right about everything. Don't be one of them. Some things just don't matter. 


Don't do it alone. Conflict, especially emotionally charged conflict, can significantly skew our own perspective. Emotions can get in the way of rationale thinking. Talk to someone you trust who can help you keep a proper perspective, counsel you on how to respond and help you avoid responses that will be unhelpful. This is not someone who will simply agree with you but someone who will give you wise counsel and who has no stake in the conflict.


Scripture talks a lot about wisdom, truth, discernment and peace. Conflict is inevitable in a fallen world. Seeking to deal with conflict in ways that honor Jesus and display the Fruit of the Spirit should be our goal. 

Retaining great staff and dealing with their leaving

The quality of the staff we lead is everything in terms of the success of the organization. Two questions regularly present themselves with great staff. How do we retain them and how do we deal with them should they choose to leave. 

I believe that one of our primary responsibilities with staff is to help them develop all the God given potential they have. This means mentoring and coaching, giving them opportunities to grow, ensuring that they are in their "lane" and are using all of their potential. I regularly ask my key staff, "what is your happiness factor?" I am looking for a number on a scale of 1 to 10 and if it is a seven or less I will ask follow up questions to clarify what it is that is causing them to be lower than I would want on the scale. 

This can open up conversations about personal or home issues, or issues on the job: boredom, needing a new challenge, needing a larger platter, desiring to go to the next level and so on. It gives me the opportunity to evaluate options with an individual to re-motivate and sometimes reposition. 

But developing staff comes with another price. When we do the right thing, we may actually develop them out of the organization when their growth leaves them ready for a greater challenge. Perhaps a challenge that we cannot offer. This is where our commitment to wanting our staff to use all their gifts in the greatest possible way meets the real world.

Selfishly we desire that they stay. Unselfishly we must hold them with an open hand - they are not ours - but God's and ultimately we must want what is best for them and be willing to trust them and the Holy Spirit to sort that out. I actually ask my staff members to let me know if they are looking at something else. Some do and some don't but if they do, it allows me to explore their reasons for thinking of leaving, to affirm their gifts, explore options but most of all communicate that we want the best for them and if that is leaving us we will bless them and help them in the process. It can be personally painful but I am convinced that it is the Jesus attitude and that in blessing them, we do the Jesus thing.

We are stewards of our staff on a temporary basis. I desire former staff to look back at their experience with ReachGlobal and say, they cared for me, they developed me, they encouraged me and they held me with an open hand. If they can say that, I am a happy leader.

This is about a spirit of generosity. Selfish leaders want to control staff. Unselfish and generous leaders want the very best for staff and are willing to trust them and the Holy Spirit's leading when it is time to leave.

When I need to grow my EQ

Healthy emotional intelligence is one of the most critical factors in healthy relationships, leadership and marriages. There is a simple way that we can regularly increase our health in this area. It is watching for when we get into trouble with our emotions, reactions, actions or words (all EQ issues) and taking the time to analyze what got us into trouble and what we will do next time to avoid the reactions that troubled us.

Recently I suggested something to my spouse that did not go over very well (not the first time). Obviously my approach was not helpful even if I thought the subject was relevant. But, knowing that I did not successfully communicate, and having thought through the conversation, I will work on a different tact next time. There is no use paying the same dumb tax twice. 

All of us have people, situations or topics that trigger emotions in us and often reactions that we wish afterwards had been different. The good news is that those triggers are signals to us that we need to pay attention to whatever it was that triggered the reaction, ask why we responded the way we did and then come up with a game plan to handle the situation next time.

This is all about managing our shadow side. Managing our emotions and reactions so that they work for us and not against us.  

Emotional triggers are normal. Mature individuals, however, learn to pay attention to them and work to modify those reactions so they do not embarrass themselves, cause additional relational disconnect or respond with the same lack of EQ that the other individual probably used in triggering their emotions.

Each time we experience a reaction on our part that we don't like, it is an opportunity to grow in our ability to handle that situation next time. Usually the more nonreactive we become, learning to manage our outward emotions, the less likely we are to either escalate the situation or say or do something we will later regret.

For leaders, this is especially important because unregulated emotion and reactions can cause serious loss of trust to a leader. The more we pay attention to needed areas of EQ growth the better off we are.

Email and conflict are a bad combination

Email and conflict are a bad combination. Nine times out of ten, email fuels conflict when it is present rather than defuses it. We write things we would not say in person and there is no opportunity for the one we are writing to too see our face, hear our tone or read our body language. Email and conflict are incompatible. It is the shadow side of technology! Somehow it is easier to judge motives and make assumptions when we are not face to face than when we are. 


I confess to being reactive at times on email in a way that I didn't like and was not helpful to the situation. I have a personal saying that I remind myself of often, KMS (Keep Mouth Shut) which has served me well. I add to that DHS (Don't Hit Send) when it comes to email in conflictual situations. I know from experience it will not help and will probably hurt. Like you I have paid dumb tax on this one.


When tempted to send an email in a conflictual situation my advice is  to first wait 24 hours before writing and then to have a trusted friend or colleague read it before hitting send. My best advice is to not engage in conflict via email at all but to send a short reply that says, "Thanks for sharing your concerns, lets find a time to talk by phone or in person." 


For some reason, we are all more reasonable in person than in email. And emails don't go away. In fact they are often passed on to others who we would not want them shared with. Don't put in writing what you don't want others to see. Emails escalate while face to face conversations with reasonable people generally deescalate.   


In conflict, DHS. Instead pick up the phone and talk. Things will go much better. 

Moral freedom and what it tells us about God's love for us

An amazing aspect of being made in the image of God is the gift we were given of moral freedom. It is amazing given the cost God knew He would pay for that gift.

Because mankind was created for relationship with God, it was imperative that they be given the choice of whether to choose or reject Him. To force someone to love another is not love but coercion. God would not coerce His creation. Rather He created Adam and Eve with pure hearts, unmarred by any sin, but still He gave them a choice: They could eat from any tree in the garden except one and if they ate of that one tree they would die.

The fact that God created mankind with moral freedom to choose right or wrong tells us a great deal about Him. Choosing Him and righteousness had to be a free choice if it was to be a true relationship and followership. Adam and Eve had a great advantage that we do not have, they were without a sin nature, so like Jesus who lived a sinless life, they could choose to reject sin. And they did, until that fateful day in the garden when they discovered the awful ramifications of their choice to rebel.

There is another facet to giving mankind this choice to follow or not. God is omniscient, which means that He knows all things, from beginning to end. Thus He knew that in giving mankind moral freedom that they would choose to rebel. He also knew that He would initiate a divine rescue operation that would cost His Son His life on the cross to pay for our sin. Knowing all this, He still chose to create mankind – knowing full well the cost it would require to redeem men and women from their sin.

What this tells us is the value that God places on men and women created in His image. Not only was He willing to create them knowing the outcome but in spite of their rebellion and the cost of reconciling men and women to God, he still desires our love, followership and fellowship.

Paul puts it this way in Romans 5:6-8. "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

 If you ever wonder how much God loves you or desires your love and followership just think of the price he knew he would pay in order to make that love and followership possible.  He created us for fellowship with Him. In order to make that fellowship a free choice on our part he gave us the gift of moral freedom in spite of the cost to Him. That is how much He desires our freely given love and worship.

Three questions regarding your mission

Every good organization has a mission statement. In a really good organization everyone knows the mission statement. It's like a law of the Medes and Persians, you have to have one so we all do. I have helped many organizations develop theirs. So here are three questions regarding the mission statement of your ministry.


First, do you believe in your mission statement? I mean passionately believe that what your mission states is what your organization is called to do. 


Second, how would you honestly evaluate how your ministry is doing in fulfilling that mission? My observation is that there are often massive disconnects between many mission statements and real results. I realize that mission statements are by definition long view statements but nonetheless, what grade would you honestly give the organization you are a part of for results on that mission? Often, the organization is not even configured to actually fulfill the mission except in very general or tangential ways. 


Third, what would it take in organizational realignment to actually deliver well on your mission? Think of a mission as a big arrow pointing in a specific direction. Then think about every part of your organization or ministry and ask whether all the subsidiary arrows are pointed in the same direction as the mission or whether there are many arrows pointed in other directions - doing nice things but not directly contributing to the big arrow.


Now let me go back to question one. Many organizations that have a mission are not really passionate about that mission even when they say they are. How do I know? They are not willing to align all parts of the organization so that all the arrows go in the same direction as the mission. That is when you know the organization - and leadership is passionate. Multi directional arrows are not about mission alignment or fulfillment. 


Missions are meaningless unless the whole organization is truly aligned around that mission. 

Giving up the need to be right

I like to be right. I'll bet you do to! And that need is the cause of many relational breakdowns, especially when two people both need to be right and neither will back down. If you are or have been married, you know exactly what I'm talking about.


Sometimes being right is important, when the issue at stake is high and will impact organizations and lives. Most of the time (95%?) the only issue at stake is our own ego and personal "needs."

Why do we need to be right? What would change if we didn't care if others acknowledged whether we were right or not? If we gave up that right what would happen? 


Many conflicts would be shorter or even non-existent. We would let go of issues quicker. We would probably be healthier and happier without the baggage of needing to be right. It may have something to do with not letting the sun go down on our wrath and forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave us. If we wait till others acknowledge we are right and in consequence they are wrong it can be a long ugly wait.


I'm just thinking of giving up the need to be right. It would solve a lot of problems. If you don't agree, don't tell me because then I need to decide if I'm serious or not.