The cards we are dealt

Two things I know: I know that life is not fair and I know that God always is.

We see evidence of the first truth every day: illness, job loss, unfair circumstances, just the plain stuff of life that is not always pleasant or desired.

All of us are dealt a set of cards in our lives, and sometimes the hand is not what we signed up for. Those are the situations that cause discouragement, fatigue, disappointment, depression and anxiety.

If all we had were the first truth, (and that is all most people in our world have) life would be most discouraging. But, we know that God is fair, He is good, and He loves to redeem the unfairness of life for His greater purposes in our lives. In fact, speaking of God's goodness and fairness, there is nothing in us that deserves His attention to our lives in any way. The question is not why God allows some situation in our lives but why He deeply cares for us when it occurs. 

Think of the cards you have been dealt, the good ones and the hard ones. And then consider Peter's words: "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed (1 Peter 1:6-7).

What is interesting about Peter's words is that God has a higher purpose for our lives than our comfort. More important than our comfort is the quality, strength and development of our faith - and faith is developed when we are at the end of ourselves and must turn to Him in our need. For the Christ follower there is nothing more important than faith and trust in the Father and it is our trials that grow our faith quotient.

But even that is overshadowed by our ultimate goal which is to result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Our faith, our response to the issues of life results in praise, glory and honor as others around us watch us handle the unfairness of life with genuine trust in our loving God. Our ultimate mission in life, after all is to make the father look good and the son well known.

We do that when we allow the unfairness and discouragements of life to be forged into cutting edge faith and in doing so we overcome the cards we have been dealt with the strong, tempered alloy of faith which brings great glory, praise and honor to God.

Understood in this light, each bad hand we are dealt becomes an opportunity to grow and to bring glory, praise and honor to God. It all depends on how we view life and its ultimate purpose. The shallow view is that life is about me. The grander view is that life is about God and how He wants to use me to bring glory, honor and praise to Him. How we view life and its ultimate purpose will determine how we respond to the cards we have been dealt.

If the cards in your hand today look unfavorable to you remember this truth. In the end you have the winning hand for God always has the last word.

Pray for Venezuela. See this YouTube video of what is largely unreported

Video of the current desperate situation in Venezuela

When people leave your church

OK lets face it. It hurts when people leave the church we pastor. We take it personally and in most cases should not. We forget that individual circumstances and needs vary and we cannot meet them all no matter how hard we try. In fact, if we were in the pew, rather than in the pulpit, we might leave too - depending on our circumstances.

I am not advocating a culture of moving from church to church. And frankly it is not the movers that cause us angst but those who have been with us for a long season. It is their leaving that hurts. But think about this:

If they leave because they are unhappy with us as the pastor, why did we assume that we could please all those who come? If we have had an influence in their lives that is good and will pay off for the rest of their lives. If their needs change or their stage of life changes, how can we be unhappy that they need a change? Often the issue is more about us than it is about them. 

If they leave because because of unresolved issues with us then we need to do all we can to resolve those issues. It may be painful but it can be redemptive and instructional for us. If our actions, attitudes or words have caused pain it is good for us to hear that and to learn from it. It is not about trying to convince them to come back but rather making peace and learning from it.

I think the most painful situations are when many people leave and it is then that we need to sit up and take notice. Why are they leaving and what have we missed, if anything that has caused their leaving? Sometimes it is because we and the leaders have made intentional changes that we are committed to and we will be sad but realistic with the leaving. Other times, it is because we have been unwise in our actions and it is a reaction to our decisions. 

Understanding the reasons is the important thing. If we need to learn from them we should. If we and our leaders are committed to a course of action that is right in the long run we need to take the hit in the short run. This is all about understanding the reasons and being willing to incur the cost when renovation or change is necessary.

Sometimes it is necessary for disaffected people to leave a church so that the church can move forward with greater health and missionality. Sometimes we push people out for unhealthy reasons.

When people leave, understand the reasons!

Leadership by stealth

The best leadership is transparent and out in the open. People know where the leader is taking them and why. The leadership agenda is clearly articulated and people are invited to join the leader in moving toward a specific vision and goal. 

On occasion I encounter a very different kind of leadership - stealth leadership. This style infects some pastors who have an agenda for the church they serve which is not stated up front, is contrary to the direction the church has been going and is essentially a leadership hijack where the congregation, board and even most of the staff are unaware of the intentions of the leader. They have an agenda but they are not sharing that agenda. It is leadership by stealth and it is fundamentally dishonest.

The dishonesty is in the lack of honest disclosure as to what their intentions are, not the direction itself which may be good or unhelpful. Leadership by stealth creates confusion and uncertainty because the leader is moving in directions and making decisions that are not clearly stated so the agenda cannot be debated. Rather people are left with observing the actions of the leader and wondering what the agenda actually is. 

In addition, the leader may bring a few key allies into their orbit and share their agenda with them which - if they are staff or board members - creates additional confusion and division since some key people know the intentions of the leader while others do not. And, when a discussion of the direction does come up, the allies defend the leaders actions and there is no dialogue with them either. In other words, leadership by stealth is not only dishonest (because it is not stated up front and transparent) but confusing and decisive. 

When other individuals challenge the leader's direction they are in a tough spot because while they can see the problematic decisions the leader is making they cannot debate the overall agenda since it is not stated. 

Healthy leaders do not lead by stealth. They are clear on where they desire to go and why and are open to discussing their direction with leadership, staff and congregations. If you are in a situation where you have a leader who is leading by stealth it is worth a conversation to clarify intentions, direction and get it on the table so that it can be discussed and debated. You cannot debate what you don't know.

Relational laziness

I am sure we are all guilty at one time or another and it can be with our spouse, family, colleagues, staff or even significant friends - relational laziness. It is when we start taking others for granted or simply don't put the investment into what are for us important relationships. These are the most important investments we could ever make and when we become lazy and don't pay attention we hurt the relationship and ultimately ourselves.

Those of us who are married know that it takes care and effort to keep the relationship sharp and vibrant. It is not always convenient but it is always important. How many couples wake up one day to a stranger next to them in the bed and wonder how they got there. Somewhere along the line, relational laziness set in!

It is just as significant at work where our relational equity with colleagues and staff is absolutely critical to achieving what we need to accomplish and what we need to do together. Leaders who become lazy in this department lose their staff and their ability to lead well if at all. When we allow other key work relationships to go stale our needed coinage, trust and cooperation may also evaporate.

Consider making a written list of the important relationships in your life and periodically take a look at them and ask the question: "Am I doing what I need to do to nurture the relationship or have I dropped the ball?" Apart from our relationship with our heavenly father, our key relationships are everything! When we become too busy for them or lazy in nurturing them it is always to our detriment. 

Maybe this is the day to affirm an important relationship in your life.

My view of the church: Irrational optimism and deep realism

As one who serves the global church and has worked with hundreds of churches, some healthy, some not I have seen almost everything. It would be easy to become cynical or discouraged by the range of issues, problems and challenges. 

In spite of all of its flaws I have an irrational optimism for the church: Not because of how well we do but because the Holy Spirit is present and the church is His Bride that He intents to purify for the bridegroom on His return. And it is God's chosen instrument to reach the world and to make disciples. In spite of all of its flaws it is a divine institution with a divine mandate empowered by divine power. We may give  up on the church but Jesus never will!

That does not mean that I am not deeply realistic! God's people have an unlimited capacity for getting in the way of what God wants to do in His church. We rely on ourselves instead of Him; we allow what is to be missional to become institutional; we often lead poorly; live in disunity rather than unity and hurt the very people that are part of our family. 

Yet God remains patient, forgiving and continues to send His Holy Spirit to empower us whenever we ask! He cares deeply for His bride and will never abandon it. It's flaws do not reflect Him but rather us in every respect. And if we are the cause of its dysfunctions we ought to become the agents of its health and vitality. 

In whatever capacity we serve, every one of us either contributes to a healthy or unhealthy church. While leadership matters - a lot - the truth is that each of us influences the health of the Bride. The church has many critics. It needs many advocates. Which role do you play? While I am sure the heart of Jesus is saddened by much of what we do and don't do in the church He does not abandon it. He gave His life for it (for us) and we in return ought to love what He loves and be an advocate for what He is committed to.

Thus my deep realism but also my irrational optimism! Realism about us, optimism about God. And ultimately, He is the head of the church!

Choosing a healthy path even when others don't

Many people work in organizations that have significant issues, or attend churches with the same. Welcome to our world which made up of people is highly imperfect. While I wish we all were in healthy workplaces or churches we are not. That being said, we always have a choice: Do I contribute to dysfunction or to health?

The issue is not whether there will be dysfunction in my church or place of work - that is a fact of life. The issue is whether I will deliberately and consistently choose healthy attitudes and practices in spite of what others around me are doing. That is my choice!

Truly healthy individuals simply choose a healthy path even when others don't.

Think about the choices we have:

• I choose whether I get pulled into other people's stuff or avoid triangulation.
• I choose whether I engage in gossip and the putting down of others or choose only to speak well of others.
• I choose whether I keep short accounts in relationships or allow bitterness and conflict to fester unresolved.
• I choose whether I am honest and transparent while still being diplomatic and kind or whether I am cynical and angry.
• I choose whether I live with personal integrity or skirt the edges.

The powerful common denominator in all this is that we always have a choice. No matter how dysfunctional our surroundings we always have a choice. That is empowering to us and powerful in its influence with others.

It is also very freeing. Getting wrapped up in bad attitudes, unhappiness, emotional triangles, unresolved conflict are all massive energy wasters and bondage makers. Choosing a healthy path is freeing. It is also a quiet but powerful influence for health when things are not healthy.

We have far more power over our circumstances and attitudes than we often think. And more influence than we know if we will choose a healthy path even when others don't!

That individual is really odd!

Most churches have them. Odd people. Socially awkward, little self awareness and once they latch on to you it may take another to rescue you from a conversation that has no end.

I meet them often because they like to speak to the one who delivered the message. They always have something to say even if it is not immediately evident as to what their point is.

It is easy to dismiss them. But remember! Jesus never did. They are made in His image no less than me or you. And the thing about the church is that at the foot of the cross we are all equal.

The test of our love is not how we love those that are easy to love or that are like us. It is how we love those who may be harder to love from a human standpoint. 

Jesus attracts misfits and the needy! It is who He is because with Him everyone is important, everyone who desires it finds acceptance and grace. The question is whether we accept and love those he accepts and loves. He attracts those the world rejects - for whatever reason. 

If the one place some folks find dignity and love and acceptance is the church - that is as it should be. Truth is, we are all odd in one way or another. Thankfully it does not matter to Christ.

Before you make someone a supervisor, ask and answer these 7 questions

It is a common scenario: Someone does well in their job so we assume that they should be promoted to a place where they supervise others. This is not a good assumption. Some individuals who are wonderfully equipped in what they do are terribly equipped to supervise and in putting them in that role we both hurt them and those who end up reporting to them.

So, before you make someone a supervisor, ask these seven questions.

One: Are they wired to lead others?
Some people are wired as "individual producers" rather than as "organizational leaders." To illustrate, an individual producer is like the car salesman who has the skill to engage customers, help them find the best car and make the sale. It is an individual kind of job. Contrast that with the sales manager whose job it is to lead the team of salespeople. These are two different skill sets entirely. 

Two: Do they have the skills to help staff succeed?
The primary job of a supervisor is to ensure that their staff are successful at what they do. There is a skill to helping others succeed rather than focusing primarily on our own success. If they do not possess this skill, do you have the training to ensure that they learn the skill?

Three: Do they have the ability to empower others and delegate both responsibility and appropriate authority?
Unfortunately, many leaders believe that leadership is about telling people what to do and how to do it rather than empowering others to figure out what needs to be done and how to do it. Empowering others means that we define clear boundaries and then delegate appropriate responsibility and authority. Those who are unable to do so should never be put in supervisory roles.

Four: Do they love to help develop others? 
Leaders, managers and supervisors are successful when those they lead are successful. This means that the best have a high commitment to the development of people they lead. They want them to become all that they can be and be constantly sharpening their skills and abilities. Great leaders get great satisfaction out of developing their staff. And staff love to work for those who care deeply about them.

Five: Do they have a clear job description as to what their responsibilities as a supervisor are?
It amazes me how many organizations do not clarify with supervisors what is expected of them in this role. In our organization, for instance, we expect all leaders to have a personal development plan, to build a strong team, develop appropriate strategy, develop their people and mobilize necessary resources. In my view you cannot supervise well without doing these five things.

Six: Do they have a coach to ensure that their transition to a supervisory role goes well?
Moving from a concern about "my work" to a concern about "the teams" work is a significant jump. It requires a different set of competencies, skills and priorities. Having a coach along side of you in this transition can make the difference between success and failure.

Seven: Do they want to supervise?
Why ask the question? Because if someone is not motivated to do what has been described above, they will not make for good supervisors. Too often we push people to take a supervisory role to the detriment of those who end up reporting to them. If they don't want the role, never put them in the role.

Humility is the key to long term success

There are many advantages to cultivating a heart of humility. Among them is the truth that it is a crucial key to long term success whether personally, in our ministry or business. Think about this:

Without humility we don't grow personally because we are not open to the feedback of others or even the necessary introspection of ourselves. If we don't want to hear what we need to hear we cannot grow, change and become a better version of us. Pride can even keep us from hearing what the Holy Spirit wants to tell us.

Without humility we are not open to seeing new ways of doing things (unless we come up with them ourselves). Pride says that we don't need the ideas of others while humility says that we know we don't know a lot and have much to learn.

Without humility we are unlikely to resolve conflict and live in relational health. After all, if I am fundamentally right, why would I need to ask forgiveness or admit that I was wrong? This is why proud individuals often leave relational wreckage in their wake. Their pride keeps them from resolving what needs to be resolved.

Without humility we are unlikely to see the spiritual transformation and renovation of our lives and hearts. After all, that very transformation depends on our understanding of our need for it and the turning from our own way to His way. To the extent that we allow pride to reign on our heart's throne we will resist admitting our need for change.

Without humility I am unlikely to treat others with the respect and consideration that they deserve. After all, if I am wrapped up in me - my needs, my desires, my issues, how can I be sensitive to those of others. Humility opens our hearts to others while pride closes our hearts to others.

Without humility I am unlikely to create a healthy staff and workplace ethos. After all, that is all about serving others and proud individuals think that others ought to serve them. Pride is a fundamental barrier to healthy workplace cultures while humility is a fundamental builder of healthy culture.

Humility is not just a nice biblical concept. It is fundamental to our personal growth and success. And, it mirrors the character of Jesus, Philippians 2. 

When you need to digest bad news

From time to time, organizational leaders need to face and digest bad news. There is always the temptation to become defensive, to want to minimize what we are hearing or to ignore it altogether. We may feel that we have failed or have not led well. This is precisely when we need some values to fall back on and I often fall back on four specific values that help me hear, digest and deal with bad news.

The first is that "I have nothing to prove and nothing to lose." If that is true, I don't need to prove that I am right, nor do I lose if I am wrong. It is a freeing way to live as I don't need to become defensive, don't need to defend or be right. It is a humble position that allows us to grow.

The second value is "autopsy without blame." I am less concerned with who is responsible for what has happened than I am in understanding what has happened and learning from the situation. In most cases, it is not about blame but about making key observations, understand why something has happened and then figure out a way forward.

The third value I live by when there is bad news can be understood by the phrase, "Do not underestimate my resolve." Once we know that there is something we need to resolve and move toward, we are committed to going there no matter what. It is the commitment to do the right thing even when feels inconvenient.

A fourth truth is that "What got us to here got us to here. It will not get us to there. Organizations must periodically reimagine the future and realize that many of our methodologies, paradigms and strategies need to change to get to the next level of ministry success. Thus in the face of bad news we need open minds as to what is best as we look to the future.

Bad news can actually be good news if we learn from it, grow from it and get better because of it. But, that all depends on our own ability to face it and deal with it in a healthy way.

When theology divides rather than Christ uniting

In His high priestly prayer of John 17, Jesus prayed for the same kind of unity between believers that He and the Father experienced. In fact he is very explicit: "I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one - I in them and you in me - so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them as you have loved me" (John 17:22-23).

In Ephesians 4:1-6, Paul makes the same plea: "As a prisoner for the Lord, then I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called: one Lord, one Faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all."

With this kind of priority on the unity of the body, why do we so often allow theology to divide us in the church? I am not talking about liberal vs. evangelical for there are hallmarks of orthodoxy that have been accepted since the early church. What I am talking about are both pastors and parishioners who finely parse doctrine, insist that their theological grid is the right one and in attitude, words and spirit marginalize those who don't agree with them. 

Do we not think Jesus knew that there would be differences among His people when He explicitly prayed that they would be one? Do we not betray His will and prayer when we in the words of Paul are not humble and gentle and patient and bear with our differences in love?

And among Christian leaders as well! How is John MacArthur living this desire by Jesus when he publicly declares war on all things he considers "charismatic?" By his broad definition he has declared war on me as well. Or those who have branded Rick Warren as a heretic. Can we not disagree with one another on theological issues within the broad tent of orthodoxy and still live with humble unity? When I see evangelicals doing battle with other evangelicals in a way that divides I conclude that their version of truth is more important to them than the wishes of Jesus! 

I have watched this play out in local congregations as well. The word and various interpretations become weapons wielded against one another, dividing rather than uniting. Often in working with troubled churches the correspondence between members or leaders is full of Scriptural references as if every point can be proven and position defended with a verse. These salvos that go back and forth are not really about the Bible but about pride and often a misuse of spiritual authority to keep someone in their place. And how do you respond when you are now arguing with God?

Within the broad evangelical tent we will have our theological differences and convictions. Within a local church we will as well. But when those differences become divisive we need to examine our hearts carefully for we have now stepped over a line from disagreement to disunity. Furthermore, Paul's admonition of humility is one we need to take seriously. How do I know that my theological position is absolutely right? Might my perspective be flawed as well? When dealing with the depths of God and the nuances of His character and plan for our world, no theological system can do Him justice. On some things we see through a glass darkly.

Jesus unites us in a common gospel which is good news for our world through a common Holy Spirit. Don't allow our theology to divide what God has united through His Spirit.

Sacred Moments

The longer I have been a Christ follower the more appreciative and cognizant I am of sacred moments in my life: Those instances where it is undeniably clear that God's hand was at work and His goodness was displayed. These are sacred moments precisely because the infinite God lovingly entered my finite life with a touch of His grace filled hand.

This is not to be taken lightly and should be pondered deeply. When the creator enters the life of one of 7 billion people with a gift of provision, protection, forgiveness, financial help, the salvation of someone we have been praying for, comfort for some sorrow, someone who comes in a time of need - whatever it is, it is a sacred moment from the hand of a loving God. 

Unfortunately our lives are often too busy and harried to even notice that the God of Gods and Lord of Lords just touched our life. And that is a tragedy for how might it have changed our perspective on life to know that our lives had just been touched by the creator? Would our perspective on our day and situation change? Would we see the next challenge we face in light of the help of God in the last?

There are many things that I don't have time for but I want to make time for God. I want to recognize His touch when it comes. I want to be thankful for His love and provision. I want to remember His goodness to me so that when in need I remember who is there. I want to remember each time God reaches down from eternity into time to touch my life. They are sacred moments and like Mary, after the birth of Jesus, I want to ponder them in my heart.

Here is someone who understands what it means to lead from the sandbox

Firing people is an art and not a science

Have you ever had to let someone go in ministry? How did it go? Messy? Painful? Lots of cleanup? I have had my share of situations over the past years when I had to let staff go and I have learned that no matter how hard you try to make it a win/win or at least a reasonable transition that it is still an art and not a science. If it were science it would be a lot easier but as an art, every situation is different and each one unique.

Because it is so difficult, the truth is that we often put off what we know is in the best interests of the ministry and what we know is inevitable far longer than we should. The result is that we lose ground and in many cases adversely impact other team members because we didn't have the courage to face and deal with reality.

Which raises another important consideration. When things are not working well between a staff member and the organization, chances are high that the staff member actually knows it and in some cases is also unhappy in their role. Unfortunately for each who actually knows that the fit is not right there are numerous others who are oblivious to that reality.

Which leads from science to art. Here are some of the questions I ask when the fit is not right.

• Is there another role in the organization that would fit this individual?
• Have I kindly but truthfully told this individual that there is a problem and that they are not living up to expectations? If not how do I enter into a dialogue that will help them understand what is not working?
• Is there a way I can encourage the individual to look for a new job so that they go to something rather than from something?
• When there is a mutual parting of the ways, can we agree on what is said from both parties?
• If severance is being paid to encourage someone to leave, do I have a clause that ties that severance to what the party is allowed to say about the ministry they are leaving?
• Will a termination stand the scrutiny of a lawsuit if one is brought?
• What constituencies need to be paid attention to because of the termination? Do you have a plan before you pull the trigger?
• Have I thought through the unintended consequences and tried to minimize the fallout of my decision?
• Have I sought wise counsel about my decision and process?
• Who needs to be informed and in what order?
• How long will the individual be allowed to stay in the office on once an announcement is made? (The shorter the time the better).

Character in the hard times of ministry

Displaying true Jesus character is not too hard when times are good. It is, however, on display when times are bad or hard or from our perspective unfair. For Christian leaders it is tested when we don't get our own way, when we are under attack or when we are asked to leave a ministry. None of those are easy things and each one tests what is truly inside of our hearts.

It amazes and saddens me even though I have seen it many times when Christian leaders get angry and strike back when they are asked to leave their ministry. Many years ago, I had to make a choice when I resigned a ministry under adverse conditions whether I would strike back, denigrate others or try to guard my reputation which was being put through the ringer. The best decision I made was to leave it all in the hands of God and allow Him to sort it out. I have come to a principle that one never hurts the Bride, and when we do we will be held accountable for doing so.

The same is true when we don't get our way. That can be hard and sometimes can be painful. Yet, the test is not the actual decision that is made but our reaction to it. Do we truly trust God or do we need to rely on ourselves? How does our anger when it erupts serve His purposes? When I am unwilling to reconcile with a brother, how does that serve the Kingdom of God? 

Personal attacks where our motives or reputations are sullied are perhaps one of the hardest areas to deal with. King David experienced this and he concluded that he had to leave his reputation in God's hands rather than take it into his own hands. God does have a way of sorting things out and even if it does not happen in this life, He can vindicate in the next. Our responsibility is to not do damage to His reputation when our reputation is under attack. 

In all of this there are really two issues at stake. The first is our character - Godly or ungodly, Higher nature driven or lower nature driven. But the second issue is more significant yet - the reputation of Jesus and the Father as evidenced by our behavior. Here is the bottom line: When we display poor character in the crucible of pain, we ultimately hurt His reputation. In trying to protect our reputation, in biting back in anger, in refusing the path of peace we may have the satisfaction of some measure of revenge in hurting those who we perceive have hurt us but in doing so we hurt something far more precious - the reputation of God.

What does it mean to be Word based and Spirit empowered?

Many ministries I work with would say that they are "Word based and Spirit empowered" but have not defined what that means. It was an instructive exercise for our organization to go through the process of defining what we meant. Here is our definition. As you will notice it goes far beyond simply knowing Scripture.

Word Based & Spirit Empowered

1.    Believing – We are confidently believing that the Bible is the inspired Word of God, trustworthy and without error in the original writings, and the divine and final authority for Christian faith and practice; and that the ministry of the person of God the Holy Spirit is to convict, regenerate, baptize, indwell, fill, anoint, empower, sanctify, guide, instruct, comfort and distribute spiritual gifts to the believer for godly living and service.

2.    Listening – We are growing in our confidence, awareness and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit by intentionally taking time to wait upon God and listening to Him as individuals and teams.

3.    Engaging – We are growing in our regular practice of engaging the Scriptures personally, i.e. reading, studying and meditating upon them as a source of spiritual food, guidance and communion with our Creator; and engaging the Scriptures corporately, i.e. receiving within a grace filled community of the Body of Christ, truthful, challenging & helpful teaching and preaching to understand God’s truth and apply it to our lives.

4.    Seeking – We are regularly seeking and asking for the filling and supernatural empowering of the indwelling Holy Spirit in our lives and ministries.  This empowering is expressed as the Holy Spirit sovereignly chooses to empower the gifts He's given us, orchestrate events, produce transformation, and enable us to do the “greater works than these” that Jesus said we would do.

5.    Obeying – We are growing in our obedience to the Scriptures, to the prompting of the Holy Spirit and to His will for our lives. We are learning to more quickly confess our sin, repent for our failure and return to the Father to ask for the Holy Spirit’s filling.

6.    Abiding – We are growing in our intimate relationship with our heavenly Abba. And we embrace “Intimacy Before Impact” i.e. the necessity of this spiritual intimacy with God and dependency upon Him before we can have “much fruit” in our lives and ministry.

7.    Praying – We are growing in another aspect of this abiding relationship with our God, the ongoing conversation with God which the Bible calls prayer.

8.    Worshiping – We are growing in our personal and corporate praise, thanksgiving and worship of our amazing God.

9.    Expecting – We are growing in our faith, expecting that our Sovereign and Almighty God, because of who He is, will do the extraordinary, the miraculous, both in and through us and our ministries.

10. Impacting – We are growing in our passion for the glory of God and the above elements, all resulting in transformation and the bearing of much lasting fruit.

The most important issue for each of us: God's agenda for our lives

It is an amazing thing that God has designed a role in this life just for us - a role that we are uniquely wired and gifted to fill. A role that contributes directly to what He is doing in our world as part of His meta plan to redeem His broken creatures. It is exhilarating to be at the center of His purposes for our lives and to maximize the opportunity He has given us. Our responsibility is to figure out how to maximize that opportunity He has graciously given.

Central to living out our destiny is a very simple concept: We need to follow God's agenda for our lives! Many people have agendas for us but discerning His agenda and sticking too it is one of the most critical decisions we could ever make. At my stage of life, I know what God has not called me to do and I am fairly clear on what He has called me to do. Thus saying no to the former and yes to the latter is one of my disciplines.

The ability to make those decisions means that we are willing to disappoint some who would tug us in different directions. Ultimately, however, we have an audience of One to whom we will answer for our life stewardship and He is the One who counts. Following Jesus has always been counter cultural and to others our decisions may not always make sense. 

Remember this: Our world has an agenda, our friends have an agenda, our family has an agenda, our church has an agenda and our work has an agenda. There are pieces of those agendas we must pay attention to and negotiate but ultimately the One agenda that truly matters is that of Jesus Christ and He has a definite agenda for our lives (Ephesians 2:10-11) that goes back to long before we were born as to how we would fit into His work and His plan and His meta story.

Perhaps the most important question we could ask Him on an ongoing basis is this: Jesus what is your agenda for me today? He might just surprise you with a response. 

Truthful disclosure in ministry settings

One of the hallmarks of Jesus was his commitment to truth. It was not a hard truth for it was almost always delivered with grace (Pharisees excepted on occasion) but it was truth. Falsehood is one of those things listed in the Proverbs as detested by God.

Yet, ministries are notorious for delivering half truths, non-truths and outright falsehoods when dealing with issues that are unpleasant. This breeds predictable and appropriate cynicism among those who know the full story and is at worst no different than the spin control we see all the time from governments and at best is disingenuous. 

I am not suggesting that in every situation we disclose all that we know or could disclose. That is neither necessary nor appropriate in many cases. I am arguing that what we communicate must be true and accurate and that if someone knew all the facts they would be satisfied that what we communicated was not misleading. It is a matter of integrity, of truth and of the character of God who is the father of truth as opposed to Satan who is the father of lies.

This applies to situations where we might be tempted to spiritualize as a method of spin. Here we blame God for the situation we find ourselves in rather than taking responsibility for our own actions. I remember a time when an organization I was a part of lost a great deal of money through poor decisions and the leader talked about God wanting us to become more dependent on Him. I suspect that God actually wanted better management practices and I didn't buy the line. 

When we choose not to tell the truth we are also communicating that God's people cannot handle the truth. The truth is that we learn how to handle difficult situations by wrestling with them, not by avoiding them. It may not be a pleasant conversation but it should never be an untrue conversation.

I have elsewhere shared some principles for those instances when we need to have difficult conversations with our staff or congregations. One of the things that should separate us from the rest of the world is that we are people who worship the God of truth whose character is true and therefore our words must also be true and righteous and straight. Falsehoods are lies and lies do not come from God. Make sure that your words are always truthful even if you are not sharing all the truth you know.

The power of truth in as an accelerator of growth

The willingness to look truth in the eyes is one of the keys to organizational health. Too often, leaders gloss over problems and issues in the organization they lead rather than facing them squarely, admitting that they exist and using that reality as an opportunity to grow, become better and rattle the comfort of the status quo. The very thing we are often afraid to admit - our organizational shortcomings become powerful tools for change when named.

From time to time I receive a call from a ministry or industry leader who says, "We have a problem,  would you be willing to help us figure it out, identify it and solve it." That immediately tells me that this organization has the courage to be truthful about their situation, allow a third party who has fresh eyes to look at it and use the information to improve. It takes courage to bring in an outside party who can name the issues and help frame the solutions. 

Often we gloss over issues and problems that we know are resident within our organization as if ignoring them will somehow help them go away. We gloss out of fear, because we are afraid of what we might actually find or because we are conflict avoidant. It is a mistake! It is a mistake because the very problems we seek to ignore could become our greatest accelerators of growth if we were willing to face them squarely, name them and focus on solving them. 

I live by a simple leadership premise (and it works personally as well). Truth about our situation can be one of the greatest accelerators of growth when we are willing to face reality and solve problems. Seen in that light, problems are an opportunity not a threat. Truth has power. Wishful thinking does not.

Ministry founders and their ability or inability to take the ministry they founded to a place of maturity

I have come to the conclusion that it is harder to bring a ministry to maturity than it is to found one. That does not mean that ministry start ups are easy - they are not. However, what they require in the beginning -  moxie, energy, vision and enthusiasm is different than what is required to bring them to maturity - discipline, empowering others, letting go of control and being a steward of a vision and mission rather than of a ministry.

In fact, the very skills needed to start a ministry may keep it from maturing into an enduring ministry. After all, ministries start with the vision of a person but enduring ministries are driven by a team who have a common vision. Ministries start by the seat of the pants while enduring ministries exist with disciplined excellence. Ministries start with a fair amount of control by the founder while enduring ministries are not dependent on the founder but where authority and empowerment is given away to qualified individuals. Ministries start with a fair amount of chaos (you do what you have to do) while enduring ministries endure because of stability.

In my experience no more than 50% of ministry founders are able or willing to transition from the start up stage to an enduring ministry stage. And that statistic may well be generous. Why is this?

First, it means giving up control of something we have birthed. For anyone that is hard. For some, it is impossible. It is "their" ministry and that is how they see it. Yet enduring ministries belong to a group with a common vision not an individual. Unwillingness to give up control allows the ministry to go only as far as the founder can take it with his/her span of control.

Second, it means delegating responsibility and authority. An unwillingness to give up control makes this hard for some and impossible for others.

Third, it means allowing the ministry to develop through a shared vision of others not the singular vision of the founder. This inevitably means that the founder is no longer the singular voice and this is how it should be. Only a shared vision with at shared plan can move from the founder stage to and enduring stage. But, the founder must be willing to allow this to happen and believe that the shared vision of the right group of leaders will be even better and more enduring than the singular vision of a single leader

Fourth, it means that the vision and mission become more important to the founder than that of controlling what she/he birthed. Enduring spiritual influence comes from an attitude that what we have birthed belongs to Jesus alone, not to us. We were simply the servants that Jesus used to birth what He wanted to birth. To the extent that I am unwilling to give up control even when that would be the best for the ministry itself - I am believing that it is more about me than it is about Him. And when this happens, it often is to the very detriment of the ministry He used us to found. Ministry founders can both start and hurt the same ministry depending on how they steward it.

From the moment a ministry is founded, good leaders understand that they play a unique role for a season. If they are unwilling to see their role change in the next season, they limit that which God used them to initiate. I have watched founding leaders make both good and poor choices in this and their choices impacted the ministry they founded for better or for worse.

Taking a ministry from start up to maturity is not easy. It comes with losses But if done well it comes with kingdom impact and even greater influence than when initiated.

Communicating in a matrix world - it is everyone's responsibility

Communication builds trust and trust minimizes conflict because information is power. The issue of how an organization designs systems where the right information gets to the right people at the right time so that good decisions can be made and everyone know what they need to know is complex. When it comes to information, everyone has an opinion and expectations are hard to meet. Some common complaints I hear are:

We don't get enough information.
We get too much information.
I don't know everything that is happening.
You did not solicit my opinion or input before you made the organizational decision.
My leaders don't tell me what is going on at their level.
Leaders can cascade information down through the organization but how do I send information back up to them?

There are some principles that if understood and practiced would help address these and similar concerns.

In today's flat world, communications is from the top down, the bottom up and horizontal all at once.

While there must be intentional organizational communication, the day of leaders simply telling the organization what it needs to know is long gone. I receive up to 100 emails per day, from people throughout our organization, from national ministry partners, from donors and pastors on any number of issues. And, I reply to every one of them or I ensure that the one who can address the issue they have raised replies to them.

One of the great blessings of our day is the access to information from many sources and the ability for most to quickly communicate throughout the organization to share insights, express opinions, offer solutions or share challenges. This works both ways. In the traditional top-down organizational structure, employees knew primarily what their leaders wanted to tell them. And, leaders knew primarily what their reports chose to pass back to them. No longer: I can solicit or receive unsolicited information from anywhere in the organization and so can anyone else in the organization.

In today's flat world, it is the responsibility of every team member to share information that needs to be shared with whom it needs to be shared and to solicit needed information in order to make healthy decisions.

Here is a paradigm shift. In the old paradigm, it was primarily the job of leaders to communicate pertinent information throughout the organization. In the flat world, it is the job of everyone to share relevant information that they possess to those who need to know it regardless of where they fit in the organization.

And, it is the responsibility of each of us to solicit information we need (if we don't have it) from those who do have it to make the best-possible decisions. Rather than allowing a culture of blame to exist (you didn't tell me), we need to create cultures of proactive communication in which people at all levels of the organization are responsible to others at all levels of the organization. This is empowering for those who practice it because anyone, at any level of the organization has the ability to influence the direction of the organization if they are willing to share what they know or solicit information they need to have to do their job well.

Flat organizations that are intentionally healthy create an egalitarian communications culture where everyone has the responsibility and freedom to communicate with those who need information they have and to solicit information they need. At the same time they retain organizational structure and accountability and the support for decisions by the right people at the right level of the organization. The central theme here is that every one of us has responsibility to communicate relevant information, not just some of us.

Not everyone needs to know everything

Small organizations are like families. In families, everyone kind of knows what everyone is kind of doing. It happens naturally through family relationships, shared meals and relational proximity. As organizations grow, this changes because of the complexities of ministries, relationships, the number of personnel and the need for everyone to focus on their particular areas of responsibility.

For those who were in the organization when it was small, this is a tough transition because where they always used to be in the know, they no longer are. This is a painful transition for staff members in growing churches.

Historically, the organization I lead has called itself a family. And, back in the '60s when the denomination was small and the mission family was small, it felt like family. Today, it is not a family but an organization because you cannot be 'family' with 550 personnel scattered across 40 countries of the world (Except by Facebook). Thus, like a church that has grown out of the family state (at about 150 people), we have as well but the expectation is still there by some (who remember the old days) to think we are family.

A family knows what is going on with all its members, a clan does not. When people say to me, "I don't know everything that is happening anymore," I reply, "neither do I." The truth is that I need to know certain things, but not a lot of things. I expect members of the organization to share significant breakthroughs or issues, and always their concerns. But much of what happens I don't know. I am trusting good people to do the right thing. Anyone who expects to know everything, or even most things in a growing organization, will be disappointed by their unrealistic expectation.

In a flat organization everyone has responsibility for communication:
To communicate concerns to appropriate people.
To communicate with appropriate parties after decisions are made.
To solicit information that is needed for making wise decisions from any level of the organization.
To alert leadership of barriers, concerns and opportunities.
To be as transparent as possible on any issues that are raised.
To recognize that no one will know everything.
To take personal responsibility for getting information they need rather than complaining that they did not get it.

Your organization has a mission but has it created a culture that will support that mission?

Most organizations are clear on their mission - a good thing. What many organizations don't understand, however, is that unless you have a culture that supports the mission it is unlikely that you will fulfill it the way you desire to. In other words, an inadequately designed organizational culture can sabotage your ability to achieve your mission.

Many churches, for instance are committed to introducing people to Christ and helping them grow in Him - a good way to understand the Great Commission. However, if the culture does not reflect the Great Commandment - Loving God with all our heart and loving our neighbors as ourselves. What attracts people to Christ? The grace and love of Jesus as expressed through His people. No matter how much a church might want to see people come to Him, unless they have a culture that reflects Him, it will rarely happen. The culture sabotages the mission!

The mission of New Life Church in Stockholm Sweden is to Impact our world with Hope. That will not happen unless they have a culture of Hope - which they have defined in this way: Hope in the transforming power of the Gospel; Hope that we can be transformed; Hope that others can be transformed; and Hope that our world can be transformed.  With a constant emphasis on this culture of hope New Life Church cannot help but be a place of hope and impact their world with hope. Their culture is designed to support their mission.

Many businesses have mission statements that reflect a commitment to their customers but do not have an intentionally created culture that reflects that commitment. Without a culture designed to put the customer first, those mission statements mean little to nothing. It is easy to write a mission statement. It is much harder to create a culture that supports the mission.

Take a moment to consider the mission of your ministry or business. I assume you believe in the mission. Have you intentionally created a culture within the organization that is designed to support that mission? Could you describe that culture and could your staff and people define it? If not, this needs to become a priority. Attention to your culture can significantly help you live out your mission. It is an investment worth making.

Grey thinking

A secret of wise individuals and leaders is the ability to evaluate all sides of a potential decision, listen carefully to those who are part of the decision or will be impacted by it while keeping all options open until the decision must be made.

This is called thinking grey.

All key decisions have consequences, some of them unintentional. The better one understands the consequences and can smoke out the unintended consequences the better. That takes time and time is the ally of all good decisions. The faster we make key decisions the greater the risk of a significant downside.

Leaders who practice grey thinking are upfront with others who should have input that they are mulling on a certain course of action but that they have not made a decision. They invite input without making premature commitments regarding their ultimate course of action. And, they are willing when they are processing but have not come to a decision to say, "I am thinking grey on that." 

Some leaders are unable to say those words, thinking that they always need to have an answer. Good leaders willingly admit that they may not have an answer but in telling staff that they are thinking grey they invite conversation and dialogue until a decision has been made.

Finally, good leaders don't make a decision until they need to. The longer one can put off a decision without hurting the organization, the more time one has to get clarity on the issues and clarity allows one to make better decisions. Many decisions made by leaders would have been better made or better executed if they had taken more time to think grey before pulling the trigger.

All good supervision is relational

It is a simple concept but one that is often forgotten: All good supervision is relational. 

Too often, we make supervision a mechanical matter - developing systems (not bad in itself), reports (nothing wrong with them) and accountability systems (always a good idea). But, it is easy to forget that in the end, a supervisor's influence with the staff they are responsible for comes down to relationship. The better the relationship the more effective the supervision.

Staff don't want to be treated mechanically but as individual people. Some say one should treat everyone the same. That is foolish: people are different and needed to be treated differently. Over the years I have supervised many wonderful individuals who are just that - individuals whose needs, situations and wiring were all different. My time and relationship with each was different because they were different. In addition, how much face time each needed with TJ were different.

Relationship means that a good supervisor talks face to face both formally and informally with staff. We care about our staff as individuals and know something about their work, their family and their lives. We ask questions about them, not just about their work. We manage by walking around and interacting. And when we meet formally we have a dialogue rather than a monologue.

The better the relationship with those we supervise, the more our influence because the best supervision is deeply relational. Relationships build trust and understanding, building blocks to developing engaged staff. 

The difference between defensiveness and defending your position

I am a big fan of good EQ (Emotional Intelligence) and one of the hallmarks of good EQ is the ability to be non-defensive when challenged. A non-defensive posture is one where we can listen to the push back of others without our emotions getting in the way (anger, anxiety), listen with respect and have a productive dialogue.

But non-defensiveness does not mean that we do not defend our position on a matter. In fact, people with good EQ are self-defined. They know what they think and are able to state their position clearly, even with those who might disagree.

This raises an interesting issue. I often hear people say about others, "They would not listen to me," or "they were defensive." What they are usually saying is "They did not agree with me." Those are not the same thing. I can non-defensively listen to another position while still holding my own and defending it. If I listen to you carefully and don't get hijacked by my emotions, I can do it non-defensively and still defend my particular position. Because I did not agree with the other party does not mean that I did not listen or became defensive. It simply means that I hold a different view and did not change my mind to agree with them.

In fact, a sign of poor EQ is the expectation that because I believe something that others need to agree with me. Often that will not be the case and it is why collaborative decision making is both characterized by robust dialogue and better decisions. Each of us can bring the best to the table.

Don't be afraid to defend your position while being open to modifying it if there is good reason to. And don't assume that people didn't listen to others or were defensive just because they did not agree. 

Helping others become all that they can be

One of the fallacies of spiritual formation and spiritual mentoring is that if we can convince individuals to follow a specific set of disciplines that they will become everything God wants them to be. This thinking ignores a number of core principles:

It ignores the fact that each one of us is absolutely unique. As unique individuals we relate to God individually and differently, we learn and grow differently, and we are at different places in our spiritual lives so no one program or set of disciplines or formula is going to help everyone grow spiritually. In Ephesians 2:9-10, Paul calls us God's workmanship or literally, God's work of art - each unique, each special, each a creation of God.

Growing up in Asia I had my own personal "chop." It is my name in Chinese engraved by hand in a piece of soap stone. The cool thing about chops is that each one is unique and even though some of the Chinese characters may be the same, since they are carved by hand, no one is the same. That is true for each of our personalities, God given wiring, the place we are spiritually and the next place we need to go in our relationship with Christ.

This has implications for those of us who preach! We can give people specific instructions as to how they should relate to God or we can give Biblical principles and encourage people to apply them to their lives in ways that work for them.

For years my dad rose at 4:00am in the morning for his devotions. That is great but it does not work for everyone! Some love to journal (I do) but for many it never really works and is a chore, not a pleasure. Some can spend long periods in prayer, others cannot and when they try they end up discouraged and feeling guilty.

But even these practices miss an important part of spiritual formation. It is possible to do all the things one is supposed to do and still not live a transformed life. Practices by themselves do not translate into transformation.

I remember an elder in a church I pastored who was as legalistic as anyone about the Christian life yet he left his wife because she didn't make him happy?  He had the practices down (and was ready to impose those practices on others) but his heart was untransformed and hard. Nor would he listen to those who tried to reason with him. All of us have stories like that.

Transformation means that we are regularly becoming more like Jesus in our relationships, our intellect, our experiences, the desires of our hearts, in the shedding of those elements of our lower nature and the embracing of the fruit of the spirit.

Helping people get to transformation is the key to spiritual formation or mentoring. The place to start is where people are and not where we think they should be. I am always amazed at how impatient we can be with people - and how patient God is with us.

One way to find out where people are at is to explore the areas of difficulty or unhappiness in their lives which is often an indication of where they are "itching" and looking for solutions. The Holy Spirit has a gracious way of getting our attention through difficulty and unhappiness.

I think for instance of the many couples who are struggling with their finances today and looking for solutions. Helping them understand Biblical principles for finances is obviously a part of spiritual transformation and it is the place where they are looking for solutions today. So that is a great place to start and as they see God's transformation in their financial life they become open to His transformation in other areas of life. We start where people are open, and looking for solutions. That is exactly what Jesus did with the people he came into contact with.

I think that one of the barriers in spiritual growth is that we often believe that those teaching us, mentoring us or preaching to us want us to become a version of them. It is easy to extrapolate that since we are "mature" that others will be mature when they look like "us."

The truth is that God wants us to look like the best version of us that we can be through the transformation of our hearts and lives - not like someone else. God made us unique. Now he wants to infuse our uniqueness with His Spirit and make us supernaturally unique. A better, supernaturally changed version of who He already made us to be. That is the end goal of transformation because it infuses our uniqueness with His Spirit, character, mind, and passions. We become like Him but remain like us as the "work of art" he created us to be.

The armed services says, "Become all that you can be!" Jesus says, "become all that I made you to be." That is our challenge to others as we help them to grow spiritually.

Transformation of hearts: Is it the kind you really desire?

The secular culture of the developed world - including the United States is increasingly moving toward a secular evangelicalism. By that I mean an evangelical lifestyle that embraces the secular culture in which we live because it has been deeply influenced by its culture far more than it has and is being influenced by its Lord and His word.

Rather than God being the transformer of hearts it is often our culture that is the transformer of hearts. What we must remember is that heart transformation is always taking place. The question is what the source of that transformation is: the culture in which we live or the God we claim to follow.

Think with me about the marks of a secular world view compared to the marks of a Christian world view and as you do so, think about the Christ followers in your congregation.

Money: The secular world view sees our resources as ours to do with as we please while the Christian world view sees ourselves as stewards of God's resources to use for His purposes.

Time: The secular world view sees time as mine to do with as I please. The Christian world view sees time as God's and puts His interests before my interests.

Options: The secular world view sees life as picking and choosing between any number of almost unlimited options that will bring one happiness. The Christian world view asks the question: What did God place me on earth for and what priorities does God have for my life? And then focuses on those things that God has called us to do.

Truth: The secular world view sees truth as relative. This is convenient because it allow me to determine what is truly true or not. The Christian world view sees God as the arbiter of truth, believes His word is actually true and does not negotiate truth to fit my convenience.

Sufficiency: The secular world view believes we are self sufficient, able to determine our own destiny and therefore does not need a God to guide our lives. A Christian world view sees God as the only sufficient One and that faith and followership are the only way to live life.

Now stop for a moment and consider just those five marks of secular culture as apposed to a Christian world view. As I look at the western church today, I would argue that we are far closer to a secular world view than we are to a Christian world view. Hearts are being transformed but by the wrong source.

The sad thing is that most Christ followers in the west don't even understand that they have a world view or that there is a Christian world view. They are not being challenged to see life from God's perspective rather from culture's perspective. They would be amazed if they understood how closely their life views reflected their secular culture rather than God's world view and His culture.

Culture is a powerful force. It is only as Christian leaders - and pastors - challenge people to understand God's culture and then live that culture out by swimming against the tide of secular culture that we will see any change.

There is much talk today about transformation. What we need to understand is that transformation is taking place, but not the transformation want to see take place. But until we help people understand what a Christian world view looks like and live out a radically different lifestyle based on that worldview we will continue to drift further into a secular evangelicalism. Soon it is no longer evangelical but why mix facts with reality.

12 questions to measure the engagement of your staff from the Gallup organization

In my work with organizations, a common theme is that staff often don't feel that their organization or supervisors genuinely care about them, their work or their development. Yet the happiness of our staff is critical to the success of an organization. The Gallup organization has identified twelve critical questions that measure the engagement of staff. They also give supervisors an outline of things they need to be paying attention to. Here they are:

• Do you know what is expected of you at work?
• Do you have the materials and equipment you need to do your work right?
• At work, do you have the opportunity to do what you do best every day?
• In the last seven days, have you received recognition or praise for doing good work?
• Does your supervisor, or someone at work, seem to care about you as a person?
• Is there someone at work who encourages your development?
• At work, do your opinions seem to count?
• Does the purpose of your organisation make you feel your job is important?
• Are your colleagues committed to doing quality work?
• Do you have a best friend at work?
• In the last six months, has someone at work talked to you about your progress?
• In the last year, have you had opportunities at work to learn and grow?

Source: Gallup's 12 questions taken from 'Elements of great managing' by Rodd Wagner and James Harter (Gallup 2006)

Controlling our reactions, thinking grey and quiet resolve

Do you have anyone who really pushes your buttons? Someone who you don't really understand and who manages to irritate you mightily at times?

It is a common situation. It is also common to respond by being "reactive," that is, with emotion, either to them, often to others and to make assumptions about their intentions and motives. It is also easy to shoot off emails that we might want to take back when we find out that our assumptions were not accurate.

Some people will actually seek to cause reaction on your part by their actions.

While all of us are "reactive" from time to time, generally it is not a good sign of emotional intelligence and we should learn how to not react, not allow our blood pressure to go up and not to become angry because when we do we usually respond in ways that are not helpful or healthy.

When I hear about someones actions or words or attitudes that might have caused me to react in years past, my goal now is to "think grey." Thinking grey is listening to the information, soliciting other information without drawing any conclusions as to whether the conclusion others may be drawing is accurate. This is actually one of the secrets of good leaders. They do listen, they do want to know and if something sounds problematic they do want to find out the truth. But in the process, they think grey and refuse to draw hard and fast conclusions until they have enough context and information.

It is a wise thing to do. Sometimes the information is not accurate. Sometimes the information is accurate but the conclusions those around you have drawn are not accurate. Often, motives are misjudged as bad when they are not. The behavior may have been problematic and harmful but rarely are the motives truly destructive. As someone has wisely put it, "Never attribute to poor motives what can easily be attributed to stupidity."

Thinking grey does not mean that we intend to ignore the issue or not confront the individual. It means that we will do so when our information is such that it is reasonable and when circumstances are right.

This brings me to another trait of great leaders. They have quiet resolve. Rarely will they react with anger and often they will think grey. But once they are aware of a problem they display a quiet resolve to deal with it, even if it is an uncomfortable situation to deal with.

I often tell those around me, "do not underestimate my resolve." Anyone who does is in for a surprise because I am committed to a healthy work environment, committed to the guiding principles and core commitments and practices and culture of our organization. Waiting for clarity, or for the right time to address problematic situations or people is not weakness. It is simply wisdom - and quiet resolve.

One other thought. With passive aggressive individuals who cause problems to you or the organization it is often not wise to immediately confront them. They will deny the allegation and play to what you want to hear (passive behavior) while behind your back they display contempt or attempt to undermine you. They will also play the victim to others when confronted. Holding passive aggressive individuals accountable is like trying to get your arms around smoke.

Again, quiet resolve comes into play. You don't ignore but you do wait because passive aggressive people will usually hang themselves if you give them enough rope. You wait and eventually they will do something public enough and egregious enough that those around them see them for what they are and you have the support you need to confront, hold them accountable and be so defining of what behavior is and is not acceptable that they will either conform or leave or you have the ammunition to take action should it happen again.

The ironic thing is that passive aggressive individuals often think they have the upper hand when dealing with leaders with good EQ. The truth is that those leaders are simply waiting for them to show their true stripes at which time they will take decisive action.

Good Emotional Intelligence and wisdom will almost always win out over poor Emotional Intelligence and stupidity. Control your reactions, think grey and commit to a quiet resolve.

For more reading on Emotional Intelligence see Emotional Intelligence Revisited