Three distinct kinds of leaders that every organization needs

Most organizations - including churches - have three kinds of leaders: project leaders; influence leaders; and organizational leaders. Knowing what kind of leader you need to move your mission forward is critical. Knowing what kind of leaders you have is equally critical. When each of these types of leaders are in the right leadership spot they lead well. When they are misplaced they cause frustration, and are frustrated.

None of us are "pure" anything but most of us as leaders have a predominant leadership style. It is not unusual for organizational leaders to be able to play the other two roles when needed. But generally one will find that leaders will fit into one of these three categories.

Project leaders love to work with initiatives that have defined outcomes and timeframes. They are wired to move key actions toward results. Usually they focus on tactics and implementation rather than strategy and philosophy. They are often concrete in their thinking and approach as this is what projects need. A good project leader is able to mobilize and work with people to accomplish a specific goal. Their satisfaction comes with the completion of a project. 

Project leaders do not want to manage something long term. Rather, once the project is completed they are ready to move on to the next project. Often they are wired to solve problems and once the problem is resolved the challenge is gone and they are ready for the next. While they can manage people, their motivation for doing so is to accomplish the project, not manage for the sake of managing. In fact, long term management of people and programs will frustrate a project leader.

Then there are influence leaders who lead not from positional authority (often) but they work with people and ideas to motivate growth, change, initiate thinking and new angles of approaching issues. Their focus is on insight and learning and they use their influence within a system or organization to bring change. Usually they work with or for others to impact and support results.

Influence leaders usually are not motivated to manage other but to influence others. They don't want to manage programs but to influence healthy results. They are thinkers and use their analysis, ideas and relational skills to move others in a key direction. A good consultant is often an influence leader as can be trainers. Ironically, many of the most influential people in any organization do not have positional authority but lead out of influence. This is often true in the local church. 

The third category, organizational leaders also lead for the most part out of influencing others but they have the added ability and desire to bring people, opportunities and structure together in an aligned system to accomplish the overall mission of the organization. They have the ability to connect disparate parts into a whole, move multiple agendas with an overall focus on strategy and outcomes. They enjoy ongoing oversight (not control but empowering others) and primarily work through others to achieve results. Thus they have the capacity to lead a team.

The best organizational leaders are organizers, strategists and architects of overall strategy in order to achieve a mission. They are conceptual thinkers, have the ability to hold different options and ideas in tension and are highly flexible. Their satisfaction comes from getting all the puzzle pieces together so that the mission is accomplished and they understand that they must work through others in order to accomplish their goals.

If you are a leader, which of these descriptions is most like you? If you lead others, can you identify what kind of leaders you lead and are they in their proper lane?  

(Posted from Milwaukee)

When looking for leaders how do you evaluate their potential?

Like most ministries, ReachGlobal is always looking for good leaders. In doing so, however, our staff must be able to evaluate the potential of leaders they encounter. Aside from the obvious qualifications of character and Christian commitment there are four areas we evaluate as we interact with potential leaders. The questions below are not a checklist but the kinds of things we are looking for in these four areas as we dialogue with these potential leaders. They may be helpful to you and your organization.

These apply to both volunteer and paid leaders.

If you are a leader in some capacity you might want to evaluate yourself against these qualities.

PEOPLE

• Do they desire to see more accomplished through others?
• Do they have the ability and inclination to do a critical assessment of people? (Their skills and abilities).
• Are they likeable and able to engage others?
• How do they view people? As tools or human beings?
• Is their need to be liked greater than their need to get something done?

THINKING

• Do they have the ability to think conceptually?
• Do they have the ability to think strategically?
• Do they ask strategic questions?
• Are they able to critically assess organizational issues?
• Are they able to assess situations without placing blame?
• Do they have the mental agility to see multiple possible causes and solutions?
• Are they able to live with ambiguity and hold issues in tension without immediate resolution? (Can they think grey?)
• Are they thoughtful in their response to questions?
• Do they appropriately question conventional wisdom?

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

• Are they aware of their own emotions, wiring, strengths and gifts?
• Are they able to manage their emotions appropriately?
• Do they exhibit true humility?
• Are they able to be self-defining?
• Are they able to understand with empathy the emotions of another person?

EXPERIENCE

• Do they have a record of leading others toward some vision or goal?
• Are they more adept at organizational leadership, influence leadership or project management?
• What have they learned from failures and successes as a leader?

Civil and uncivil discourse in the Christian community

I have watched closely the comments (thousands) posted on Christianity Today's website over both homosexuality and World Vision's recent decision and retraction. I have also noted how some high profile leaders among Evangelical's reacted and pontificated.

Of course I was not surprised by the outcry of exception to World Vision's actions. What surprised me was the lack of wisdom and Biblical discernment by World Vision's board.

That aside I was truly appalled by the uncivil discourse by Christ followers in the debate. Unfortunately it is not an uncommon thing. We seem to lack the ability to speak to one another and to those outside our community with respect and kindness while disagreeing with the other side's conclusions. 

We often forget that our position (truth - as we understand it) is just as important as how we communicate that truth (grace - the flip side of truth). Jesus was described as one who was full of "grace and truth."

If the words of Paul were applied to the comments on CT and elsewhere a great deal of them would be gone. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen...Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another...(Ephesians 4:29-32)."

Truth without grace does not reflect Jesus or the fruit of the Spirit. Many outside the evangelical community see us as angry and unloving and they are often right - and that is sad. Is it not possible to speak and write our minds even while demonstrating the heart and kindness of Christ? This applies to controversies like World Vision as well as disagreements within congregations. Angry and unkind believers do not reflect the values or character of Jesus no matter how "right" they might be. And we lose our hearing if our words do not reflect the love of Jesus as well as the truth of Jesus.

(Posted from Milwaukee)

The willingness to say we blew it

While I was critical of World Vision's recent decision to hire "Christians in Gay marriages" I applaud their willingness to acknowledge two days later that they were wrong. Too many organizations and individuals are unable to make that humble statement and it takes humility. They did it and I applaud Rich Stearns and his board. They did the right thing and we should take them at their word and move on.

I have seen elders in local churches do some unfortunate things and on occasion I have seen them own those decisions in front of congregations and say they were sorry. That not only takes courage but it is the right thing to do. I applaud them and their congregations ought to be the first to let go of their anger, forgive and move on together.

As a leader I know that it is not easy to say "I blew it" and sometimes I have had to take responsibility for things that happened on my watch even when I was not directly responsible. But it is the right thing to do - hard as it is. It is interesting that in a few cases, no matter how many times I apologized for certain actions people did not let go of the "offense." 

All of us blow it. All of us need from time to time to own our stuff and ask forgiveness, apologize or make amends. When someone does, we need to celebrate that they did the right thing and move on. The lack of forgiveness among some evangelicals is a sad thing. If I don't forgive, why should I be forgiven and none of us is above that need. So, I hope that believers will not abandon World Vision or the work they do or the kids that are impacted. Let's move on.

(Posted from Milwaukee)

World Vision reverses its decision to hire Christians in Gay married relationships

It took World Vision just two days to reverse its decision to hire Christians in Gay married relationships. It will take years for it to recover its reputation - if it ever does. See the latest here.

(Posted from Milwaukee)

Do fame and notoriety cloud one's thinking?

I have been mulling on a number of situations recently where Christian leaders have made really poor decisions in my view: Rich Stearns and World Vision's new policy to hire individuals in homosexual marriages; Rob Bell and his redefinition of heaven and hell and and the controversy over Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill who tried to manipulate the system to get his book on marriage onto the New York Times best seller list. I have another private list of individuals who have seemingly lost their way when they become Christian public figures. I saddens me and causes me to ask a question:

Do fame and notoriety cloud one's thinking and cause us to make decisions and pronouncements that are Biblically questionable? Does fame tend to give us more confidence in our own wisdom than in God's wisdom? Does it allow us to cross boundaries that we did not dare cross in the earlier years?

Fame and celebrity are a dangerous calling and few seem to handle it well. We see success and that success breeds pride and we begin to believe our own press which leads to the marginalization of those who don't agree with us and soon we become isolated and unaccountable - and eventually crash! Wisdom co-opted by pride! Youthful passion co-opted by ego! Jesus co-opted by us!

I am glad that I am not famous. I never want to be. To those who are I say this: There is never more important a time to develop a cadre who will tell one  the truth than when one is in the limelight. Because when the spotlight shines on us rather than on the One who created us, we have co-opted God and it rarely has a good ending.

To be clear, I don't know the motives or hearts of those named above and am not passing judgement. I am asking a question that their actions prompt. What I do know that when our name surpasses The Name, something is wrong. And when our pronouncements are at odds with His pronouncements, the same is true. 

There is never more important a time to develop accountability and humility and to guard the shadow side as when we become important in the eyes of others. And believe that we actually are.

(Posted from Milwaukee)

World Vision USA will now hire individuals in Gay marriage relationships

In a move that will certainly move World Vision USA away from many traditional evangelical churches they have announced a new policy that they will hire Christian individuals in Gay marriage relationships. This will certainly only add to the perception among many that World Vision, while committed to poverty alleviation, is little more than a secular NGO with a Christian background. 

Internationally it is well known that World Vision hires unbelievers in its development efforts. I find it ironic that just as World Vision is courting evangelical churches for partnerships it is choosing to make a statement about Gay marriage that runs against the grain of the vast majority of evangelicals in their understanding of what marriage constitutes and its implications for society.  

I am not anti-gay, some of my best friends are gay! What is at stake is the institution of marriage and what it means and how God designed the family and defined it. When major "Christian" organizations agree to redefinitions implicitly or explicitly we have a problem. I suspect that World Vision will discover that it is not ahead of its time but that they have literally put a "hole in the Gospel" to use a phrase they use. Gospel holes can be those things we neglect or those things we re-define.

See the Christianity Today article here

(Written today from Milwaukee)

If you want to understand the issues between Russia and Ukraine read this report from BBC

BBC NEWS EUROPE

As you read the news please pray for Christians in Ukraine and Crimea who are directly impacted by this conflict.

Jesus and leadership

No, this is not another blog about Jesus as a CEO. Rather it is the proposition that the best leaders have Jesus at the center of their leadership. This applies to leaders in the marketplace or ministry!

How does Jesus change the leadership paradigm? Consider these factors.

When Jesus is truly at the center of our leadership we treat people differently than when He is not. Jesus cares deeply about people and leaders who have been transformed by Christ naturally want the very best for their staff. Jesus never used people, rather He served people and the same is true for those leaders who live with Jesus at the center of their lives.

When Jesus is truly at the center of our leadership we create transformational cultures in the workplace that are life giving rather than life taking. I am passionate about this because I encounter many ministries with toxic or unhealthy work cultures. Either our own workplace is seen as unimportant - after all we are doing ministry, or the dysfunctional nature of the leader shows itself among their staff. Transformed leaders, however, should be committed to life giving work environments and if Jesus is at the center of out leadership that will be the case. 

When Jesus is at the center of our leadership, we create teams committed to a common mission rather then building ministries around ourselves. In general, personality driven ministries reflect the hubris of the leader while team driven ministries reflect the humility of the leader. Even Jesus, the creator of the universe was intent on sharing his ministry with His disciples as He developed, coached and mentored them.

When Jesus is at the center of our leadership we live with humility. We apologize when we need to, tell the truth when news needs to be shared, give away credit for success and take responsibility for failure. In addition, we manage or dark side carefully knowing that when it shows up it hurts those we lead. Our goal is always to be a life giver rather than a life taker (John 10:10).

When Jesus is at the center of our leadership we fill our hearts with His truth, and seek genuine transformation of our own lives knowing that what is inside is what will spill out into our leadership. That means that our leadership is not the most important issue for us. Rather our relationship with Jesus is the central thing for without that our leadership will be shallow and life taking rather than life giving and transformational for those we lead.  

For believers, Jesus has absolutely everything to do with our leadership: it's quality; its focus; its motives and it's life giving quality. 

(Written from Oakdale, MN)

Five questions that can help you deal with almost any issue

My good friend Edmund Chan, former pastor, ministry leader and a coach and mentor to many recently shared these five questions with the senior staff of ReachGlobal. They are brilliant! Take and issue and apply them to the five questions and see where you end up.

1. Why is it so important?

2. If it is so important why is it so neglected?

3. What is it all about?

4. What makes it so difficult?

5. How can it best be accomplished?

(Written from Oakdale, MN)

Leaders and wisdom: Six important principles that contribute to wise decision making

How often have you watched a leader, ministry or company do something incredibly stupid with significant unintended consequences? The visceral reaction of "that was really dumb" is really another way of saying, "that decision lacked wisdom." Let's be clear, all of at some time have been guilty of acting with a lack of wisdom. For leaders, however, wisdom is one of the most important commodities and its deficit over time can lead to significant leadership failures. 

Wikipedia defines wisdom as "the ability to think and act utilizing knowledge, experience, understanding, common sense and insight." In other words, it is the ability to take information that is available to everyone, synthesize it well and apply it to a specific situation for the best possible result. 

While I believe there is a spiritual gift of wisdom and that the Holy Spirit is a giver of wisdom, the components needed to make wise choices and decisions are available to believers. The question is why some make better decisions than others. For all of us this is an important question. For leaders it is especially important as their decisions impact others around them.

I would suggest that the answer lies in these arenas:

1. Wise leaders take longer to think through a decision allowing the information they have and the various consequences of the decision to be understood before they act.
2. Wise leaders engage others in the decision making process, knowing that they are unlikely to see all the angles of the situation well. They especially talk to the stakeholders who will be impacted by their decisions.
3. Wise leaders ask God for divine insight that comes through the Holy Spirit.
4. Wise leaders do not act out of emotion but out of conviction and are able to wait till emotions have cooled.
5. Wise leaders have a set of guiding values and principles that guide their lives and will not violate those in making decisions. This prevents them from straying from their own convictions.
6. Wise leaders are willing to back away from their decision if it becomes clear that they have missed something important.

All of us have access to the same information. It is how we utilize that information in making decisions that makes the difference between wise and unwise decisions.

(Written from Berlin, Germany)

Moving from illusion to reality

Many churches and other Christian ministries (along with their staff and boards) live in illusion. Their illusion is that all is well, that they are making disciples, that they are seeing significant new fruit or that they are a healthy church. It is often illusion because it is what they desire to believe about themselves but it is often not the true reality.

Why live in illusion? It is a comfortable place to be as it allows us to believe that we are doing well. And we all want to do well. But, without a specific plan in any important ministry area we cannot move our ministry from illusion to reality. Getting to reality requires a plan, intentionality and the ability to measure the result. 

Let's take disciplemaking. Very few churches if asked have an intentional disciplemaking process. Even fewer have built disciplemaking into the very fabric of who they are so that it touches everything they do and everyone who is involved. And finally it is a rarer thing still to have a way of measuring the results of these efforts. Yet, without these kinds of steps the church is living in the illusion that they are doing well.

Here is an interesting exercise. Have you staff or board list the most important issues that you believe the church ought to be doing well in from a scriptural point of view. Then ask these simple questions:

• Do we have a real plan?
• Do we have a description of what we are after?
• Are we being intentional?
• Can we measure the result?
• How are we really doing?
• Based on the above are we living in illusion or reality?

These questions can be applied in the local church, on the mission field and in any Christian ministry. Of course the only individuals who will ask the questions are those who desire to live in reality rather than illusion.

(Written today from Berlin, Germany)

15 minutes of fame or 45 years of faithful ministry

The ministry world is deeply impacted by its culture when it comes to who we pay attention to, admire and even follow. Our church makes the top 100 growing churches in a certain year, a book hits the big time on the latest and greatest ministry idea or sudden success in an arena engenders attention. Even in ministry 15 minutes of fame can trump 45 years of faithful ministry. And that is an indictment on how we think. 

Why do we chase the spotlight or those who are in the spotlight? Why do we assume that their few minutes in the sun means that they are worth emulating or their new idea worth trying? In fact, what does it say about us?

I am always interested in new ideas or good books or new strategies. But I am more impressed with those who have a long track record of faithful ministry, who have gone the distance and who see long term results. Chasing fads or the newest and greatest idea is not a value to me. Chasing those who are enjoying the spotlight is not a value to me or to God - I suspect. It is also not good for the one in the spotlight in many instances who start to believe their own press.

Jesus wants us to chase after Him.

(Written today from Berlin, Germany)

The freedom to speak one's mind

In my experience in working with churches and ministry organizations I find many where it is not safe to speak candidly about issues that exist. I am not referring to undiplomatic communication or attacks - just the ability to share honest opinions without being attacked, censored or privately (or publically) shamed. This is nearly always a result of an insecure leader who is unable to deal with candid dialogue and takes any disagreement as a personal attack. And it is a sign of insecurity and low Emotional Intelligence (EQ).

When this happens, there are a number of negative consequences. First, the leader loses major respect among his or her staff. Their defensiveness is seen for what it is - insecurity. Second, when staff cannot talk openly about issues they will end up talking to each other in private or even with others. People need a place to talk. Third, the unresolved issues that cannot be put out in the open fester and become major irritants to those involved and even minor issues can become large issues in the absence of the ability to talk. Fourth, mistrust flourishes! And mistrust destroys otherwise good teams.

Here is a question to leaders who do not invite candid input: Why are you afraid of being questioned or having issues raised? It is not as if they go away in the absence of conversation. In fact, they get larger! It is not as if ignoring the issues solves anything - they just squeeze out somewhere else. Why would you prefer that these topics get discussed behind your back rather than in your presence so that you are part of the discussion? 

Another question. What is it inside you that resists hearing what others think when it might be critical of you or something you do? You may not agree with their analysis but what keeps you from hearing it? As a consultant I hear from staff on a regular basis that they cannot be honest with their leader. Does this not hurt the leader as much as it hurts the team? It really makes no sense at all for the leader or the team. I would rather know what people are thinking than not know. 

Those who don't listen are not only unhealthy emotionally but have something to prove and something to lose - in their own mind. I prefer to live with a nothing to prove/nothing to lose attitude because that is freedom. If I am wrong in some area, so be it. If someone disagrees with me it is OK. If there is robust dialogue over some issue I can be fine with it. Such a stance prevents discussions from being had in the wrong venues with the wrong people and it fosters the very best ideas in a safe atmosphere. It makes for a healthy team as well as a respected leader.

One can gauge the health of a team and a leader by how many issues they cannot discuss as a group. The more there are the unhealthier the team and leader. And it always ultimately comes back to the leader because teams know where they can and cannot go - that is always a function of the openness of a leader. Some of the largest names in Christian leadership are some of the most closed when it comes to candid discussion and feedback. What does that say about their health?

To make it personal, how open or closed are you? I ask myself the question regularly. I want to lead well.

(Written today from Berlin, Germany)

High ambition coupled with shallow discipleship is a dangerous combination

I often meet people with great ambition in ministry. That does not impress me, no matter how vast their vision. There is nothing uncommon with this scenario. 

Why am I not impressed with great ambition and vision?  Because much of this is coupled with a shallow discipleship of Christ which means that the ambition and vision are more about the individual than about God's Kingdom. Ministry is merely the opportune channel to build a personal kingdom, name or reputation. And that is not immediately known but does become apparent over the years.

What are some of the signs that leadership is about the individual rather than about God? 

• Lack of accountability to authority above them such as boards 
• Lack of a common vision - it is the individual's vision
• A need to control rather than empower
• Narcissistic behavior
• Using people rather than teaming with people
• A focus on money and power
• Name dropping
• A need for affirmation and recognition

The common element here is a focus on self which is the result of shallow discipleship. The closer we get to God, the less we become concerned about us and the more about God. The less the spotlight on us and the more the spotlight is on God. The less it is about us and the more it is about team and common vision. It is the difference between pride (me) and humility (God).

I have seen many leaders lead well in their early days running on energy and a vision. But because it was more about them than Jesus they had a leadership failure in their forties or fifties. the common element was that their leadership was more about them than it was about Him.

This is an issue that every leader ought to think about all the time.

(Written today from Berlin, Germany)

The greatest failure and greatest opportunity of the church today

The western church is good at many things: Facilities; trained staff; worship experiences; programming and good preaching. From an external perspective it is in many cases impressive. However, our focus on all these good things comes at the expense of the one most central and important thing which is that of disciplemaking. It is both the greatest failure and greatest opportunity of the church today.

Why the greatest failure? Because only deeply committed disciples of Christ will make a difference in our world for Him. It is those individuals who live out their faith in their family, workplace and in the circles in which they have influence. Much of what passes for Christianity is more window dressing than it is a committed followership where people understand and live out grace, allow their thinking to be brought into alignment with Scripture, align their priorities with those of Christ and see people as Jesus sees them and love them as He loves them.

Furthermore we have substituted life on life influence and impact for classes and intellectual knowledge which is not the route to lifestyle change nor the model given us by Jesus and Paul. Disciplemaking is simply another program in our church (an app) rather than the heart of all that we do (the operating system). And if one examines the typical commitments of the typical "Christian" we see that it is not an effective model. It may train people in certain behaviors but it does not lead to significant life transformation.

Why the greatest opportunity? Because there is nothing more powerful than men and women who have given Jesus everything and want to please Him and represent Him in all that they do. These are world changers. They are world changers empowered by the Holy Spirit who are powerful change agents precisely because of their followership of Jesus. 

How did they become what they became? Usually not because of a church with great preaching or programs (although I appreciate both). Rather, because like Jesus with His disciples, someone took them alongside them and either formally or informally deeply influenced their life and priorities toward those of Jesus. Not a set of rules but a way of life. Not to become like them but to become like Jesus. Not through a program but through a process - a journey of becoming more like Jesus.

Disciple making, if it is going to be effective must move:
From a program to a process
From the class room to life on life
From one size fits all to customized
From optional to an expectation
From clergy led to everyone's involvement
From intellectual knowledge to life transformation and application
From being discipled to also being a disciplemaker
From "listen to me" to "do with me"

Remember, it is disciples in a Jesus sense who change the world!

(Written from Berlin, Germany)

The church and its avoidance or engagement with society

I meet many believers who seem to think that the local church is there to protect them against the ills of society. In fact, whether it is explicitly said, it is certainly implicit in the kind of programming the typical church does that keeps people busy at church and leaves very little time for engagement with their community, unbelieving friends or other activities (sports being the notable exception). There is a bunker mentality among many believers that sees the church as their protection against the evils of our world.

It is a sadly mistaken view of what God intended for us as believers. If Jesus is our model all one needs to do is look where he spent much of his time and with whom - sinners. And I am talking corrupt officials (tax collectors), prostitutes, adulterers, and everyone that the pharisees found objectionable. In fact, Jesus did not fear the world, does not want us to forsake the world but does want us protected from the evil one. Thus He prayed in His high priestly prayer of John 17, "My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one."

Thus a lifestyle of avoidance of the world is actually directly contrary to the example of Jesus and His will for our lives. For without engagement there is no opportunity for the good news of the gospel to become known or for the Gospel to transform people, communities and institutions. In fact, it is genuine engagement with people that Jesus modeled and the New Testament teaches. It is engagement with our world on behalf of Jesus rather than avoidance that is His desire for us.

Here is an interesting question: How many unbelieving friends (true friends) do you have and how much time do you spend with them? For many Christ followers that is an uncomfortable question since the answer is few or none. That is a life of avoidance, not engagement. When Jesus tells us to go into all the world and make disciples He is not saying "write a check to support a missionary far away" although that is a good thing to do. The "Go" is to all of us where we are, with whom we work and live and play and it is everyone's job to make disciples.

For the tech savvy, the combined Klout score of your congregation (see www.klout.com) is the combined number of meaningful relationships your congregation has with unbelievers. Unfortunately, the Klout scores of most congregations is terribly low. But it needn't be. 

If you are a pastor or church leader, ask the question: "Is the mentality of our congregation more about avoidance or engagement?" And, "What is basis for your answer?"

The purpose of the church is not to avoid the world but to overcome the world.

(Written from Berlin, Germany)

The path to legacy - it may not be what you think it is

Leader often pursue the wrong path when it comes to leaving a legacy. Often for Christian leaders it is building some ministry or enterprise and all of our energy, time and focus goes into that pursuit. As one who leads I know that temptation to do this. Certainly we want what we lead to be healthy, transformational and missional, making a difference in our world. However, I am convinced that even these great efforts are not the path to legacy, to making a multi-generational difference into the future.

That path, the legacy path is far more about lives we have deeply impacted who in turn deeply impact other lives in an ever widening disciplemaking group. Think about this: Jesus could have started an institution, but He did not. He changed the world by discipling twelve guys who in turn discipled others and they others and the world was changed. Paul did the same. Sure he started churches, the Bride of Jesus because these should be the training ground of disciples but he personally invested in men like Timothy and Titus and others (2 Timothy 2:2) who did the same.

It is time to reclaim the Great Commission which says, "Go and make disciples of all nations." That is, multiply men and women who are deeply committed, all-in followers of Jesus who rather than focusing primarily on institutions, focus on life on life transformation of others who will in turn do the same. This is the great need in the church today and it is the great need if the Gospel is actually going to penetrate our communities. 

I have led a church, a mission agency, and various other ministries but I firmly believe these are not my legacy. My legacy will be my two kids and grand kids following Jesus with all their hearts and the individuals whom I have poured my life into over the years, those upon whom I have had deep influence. They in turn have and will have deep influence on others and the circle of fully devoted, all in disciples, will continue to grow - long after my name is forgotten by everyone except maybe for a few dusty books sitting on shelves.

I spend a lot of time mentoring and coaching people who will in turn do the same with others. Some are in my tribe (denomination), many are not. For Jesus there is only His tribe. Don't be fooled about what you leave behind. The path to legacy is often counter intuitive. It is not institutions but people both within those institutions and outside. If you want a legacy, be sure you are investing in the right place.

One last thing. One does not have to be a leader to have this kind of legacy. In fact, there are far more non-leaders who understand this principle than leaders who are too busy building something. Every Christ follower is called to make disciples and in doing so those who do have far more influence than many leaders do.

When I ask people who was the most influential man in the New Testament other than Jesus the answer is often Paul. Actually I disagree. I believe it was Barnabas who discipled Paul intensely for a period of years. Barnabas understood the model of Jesus and because he invested in Paul, the greatest theologian of the Scriptures was developed. Something to think about!

(Written from Berlin, Germany)

Big God, small problem. Small God, big problem!

Our understanding of God's word has everything to do with how we approach life in very practical ways. One of those ways is how we approach challenges, reversals and problems.

As the years go by and I have more experience with God, I tend to respond to problems with a lot less angst than in my younger days. Perhaps I have matured a bit. But more importantly I have come to understand that God is bigger and sovereign and good and can be trusted with those issues that are larger than me. In Paul's words, He can do far more than we could ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). 

The bigger our God, the smaller our problem. But that comes from understanding Him better, trusting Him more and realizing that He is ultimately in charge of our lives. As I wrote in When Life Comes Undone, "It is a wonderful gift to come to the place were all we have to trust in is God." He is a big God and His bigness puts our problems in their proper perspective.

When on the other hand we are not living close to Him, our problems loom large. The smaller our God, the more out of touch we are with Him, the less we know about Him, the larger our problems look. It is a matter of perspective, theology and faith.

I am deeply thankful for my perspective today. I know there is nothing that I cannot leave in His hands. The larger our God, the smaller our problems. The larger our faith, the less our anxiety. 

A big God leads to small problems while a small God leads to big problems. Which would you prefer?

How our motives in ministry impact how we lead in very specific ways

We often don't think about this but the motivation of leaders directly impacts how they lead, how they treat their staff and how they deal with difficulties. Motives are powerful in their implications.

Consider how we lead. If my underlying motivation is to build something for myself I will lead selfishly. What I do will serve my purposes, my goals, my vision and my kingdom. If, on the other hand my underlying motivation is to contribute to the Kingdom of God, I will lead unselfishly because it is not about me but about God and His purposes. Unselfish leadership always takes the spotlight off of us and shines it on Jesus alone. It is all about Him, not us. If you want to know the motivation of a church or ministry just look at how much attention is focused on the leader and how much is focused on Jesus.

Consider how we treat our staff. If my underlying motivation is to build something for myself I will use people, control people and manipulate people to achieve my ends. If on the other hand, my motivation is to build God's kingdom, I will empower people, release people, seek to help people get in their lane, use their gifts and see people flourish. Selfish leaders use people for their purposes. Unselfish leaders release people to become all that God designed them to be. If you want to understand if a leader's motivation is more about them or more about God, simply watch how they treat people!

Or consider how we deal with difficulties we face. When our underlying motivation is to build something for ourselves we become angry and frustrated because our efforts have been thwarted. Those problems become personal because our plans are threatened. If on the other hand, our goal is to build the kingdom of Jesus, we will trust Him, believe in faith that He will intervene and leave our frustrations with Jesus. How leaders respond to difficulties is a pretty good indication of whether their agenda is theirs of God's.

It is clear that our leadership motivation makes all the difference in our leadership. Unfortunately, too much leadership in the Christian arena is more about us than about Him.

(Written from Berlin, Germany)

What I wish more leaders did differently

Someone asked me recently what I wish organizational leaders did differently after all the consultations I have done. I have been mulling on that so here goes:

I wish more leaders cared about the health and vitality of their staff. There is frankly no good excuse for an unhealthy workplace or unappreciated staff. If we cannot create a healthy work environment we don't deserve to have staff working for us. If we are going to lead we must make the health of our staff one of our highest priorities.

I wish more leaders understood how important it is to clarify who the organization is, where it is going and how it is going to get there. The truth is that our staff deserve this clarity. The other truth is that without that clarity we don't know where we are going. And if that clarity simply resides in the head of the leader it is not understood by those who need to understand. If we are going to lead we need to be clear about what is important.

I wish more leaders were willing to empower others rather than to control others. Leaders who control, micromanage or make decisions others should be making are unempowering leaders who are treating their staff poorly. It is usually a sign of threatened and insecure leaders! Those who cannot empower should not lead and don't deserve to have staff working for them.

I wish more leaders paid greater attention to their own Emotional Intelligence (EQ). It's health or dishealth directly impacts their staff. Too many leaders are defensive, don't allow candid dialogue, marginalize those who disagree with them, don't listen, don't ask questions and cannot handle push-back. What they get in return are people who don't tell them when the emperor has no clothes because staff know they won't hear or don't want to hear. They are poorer leaders and people because of it.

I wish more leaders paid attention to their personal and professional growth. The quality of leadership depends on the quality of our spiritual, emotional, relational and skill health yet so many leaders have no development plan. They are too busy leading to become better leaders! Eventually those who don't pay attention to growth hit a wall and can no longer lead well. That could have been avoided if they had paid attention to the right things along the way.

I wish more leaders would ask their key reports how they could lead better and what their reports wish were different. Because most leaders don't ask they simply remain ignorant to issues that they should be aware of. It takes courage to ask but if we really care about the health of our staff or team we will. If we are not courageous enough to ask we are really saying that it is not important to us and that is a sad statement. Unfortunately many will never ask.

What is interesting about this wish list is that the burden of poor leadership falls to one group - our staff. The blessing of good leadership falls also to staff. How we lead directly impacts all those who work in our organization. I meet too many staff who live with the burden rather than the blessing.

(Written from Berlin, Germany)

Three essential EQ skills every leader and supervisor must have to be successful

The longer I lead the more convinced I am that much of one's leadership stands or falls on their EQ (Emotional Intelligence). Good EQ gives our leadership credibility while poor EQ sabotages it. Yet it remains a skill set that many pay too little attention to. If I had to identify three EQ skills that a leader or supervisor had to have to be successful in the long run they would be these.

One: Personal security. Insecurity is the menace of many leaders leading to all kinds of behaviors to mask that insecurity. Personal security is knowing who we are with our strengths and weaknesses and being OK with that. Secure individuals do not need to be right, they have no need to be defensive and can live from a "nothing to prove, nothing to lose" perspective. Secure leaders are healthy leaders while insecure leaders are not.

Two: Self awareness. The better we understand ourselves the better our leadership can be. Other awareness and empathy toward others are not possible without self awareness. Self aware individuals understand their emotions and control them, their motives and regulate them and their relationships and keep them healthy. They also understand how they are perceived by others and how to manage their dark side (we all have one).

Three: Other awareness. Those who cannot understand the emotions, reactions, motivations and behaviors of others come off as uncaring, aloof and arrogant. Maybe even narcissistic. One cannot have empathy toward others without being aware of their needs and concerns. The best leaders are acutely aware of those around them and their needs. Only those who understand others can help them succeed and grow.

There is one more thing. It is possible to possess these skills but to neglect them - to become so consumed in our own stuff that we become careless with our self awareness, other awareness and it is possible for our personal security to become arrogance if not guarded. These three areas of EQ must be guarded, practiced and evaluated regularly for our leadership to be healthy. 


(Written from Berlin, Germany)

After you hire the real work begins

You have your addition and you breath a sigh of relief. But not too fast! Now, the real work begins. From day one, you want to ensure that your new team member understands the mission, values, preferred future and all the things you told them on your 'what they need to know' list. They have heard it from you, now you need to make sure that they 'get it' in terms of how they work on your team.

The more personal time you can spend on the front end, the faster they will get up to speed and develop what you want them to develop rather than trying to figure out the 'rules' by watching others.

Set aside regular times to just sit with them over the first six months to ask them what they are observing, what they are surprised about, what information they need to do their job, and how you can remove barriers for them. Ask them how they read the culture of your team and ministry. They are new - you might be surprised by what they observe as a new set of eyes coming in. Probe with questions so that you both learn and can know how well they are assimilating into the organization. Make personal introductions to those they need to know in the organization.

For your own purposes and so you can do a better job with the next hire, after six months ask them to tell you what they wish they had been told on the front end, what the most difficult part of the transition was and what was most helpful in the entire process. Jot down their feedback and incorporate it into your next hiring process.

(Written from Berlin, Germany)

Bill Gothard and how his Basic Youth Conflicts led to Scriptural abuse and people abuse

Yes I attended one of the Basic Youth Conflict seminars as a teenager, one of millions that did. In a day when the church was not talking about practical issues, he certainly did. And it drew many adherents, and many cult like followers who believed his every word. Bill Gothard has finally resigned after decades of allegations, problems and abuse of people in his organization.

The problem was how Bill Gothard used the Word. For every issue there was a several step process to resolve them. It was a mechanical approach to solving those "basic youth conflicts" and you didn't need much of the Holy Spirit to do so. Further, his proof texting approach led to some egregious theological errors including the infamous "chain of command" from God to parents to children and of course from husbands to wives to children. 

It was a theology of control that led Bill and his brother to controlling people who worked in his ministry in amazing ways. Words like manipulation, abuse, bondage, legalism, guilt, threats, manipulative God speak and sexual abuse all fit. It was legalism through and through with enough "truth" thrown in to make it sound and seem biblical. But it was far from Biblical in many respects.

One of the interesting byproducts of the black and white approach to every issue by Bill was that his disciples tended to marginalize those who disagreed with them. Churches split over Gothard theology, families were hurt, women were put down and used. When theology causes division (not over orthodox tenets of the faith) you know something is very wrong and it was a regular trait of both Gothard and his followers.

It also allowed the abuse of people using the veneer of God and the Bible. Grace was hard to find and as noted the Holy Spirit and His direction in our lives downplayed for the direction of the "spiritual authority" above us.

What is truly sad is that the bad theology and terrible treatment of people goes back to the sixties and yet he has been able to carry on largely unimpeded all these years. Until now when the weight of the years of abuse finally brought about his resignation. Many, many people have been scarred by his legalism and proof-texting. Many live with great guilt because they violated his "dress code" or "definition of Christian music." Many know they don't measure up to God because of what God "requires" (by Gothard's definition).

Some lessons from all this?

1. We should be disciples of no man or woman but Jesus alone.
2. If anyone has all the answers they don't have the answers.
3. When theology divides beware.
4. When theology is used to control people it is not from Jesus.
5. When legalism rather than grace is the focus, it is not from Jesus.
6. When rules not found in Scripture are propagated, it is rarely from Jesus.
7. Check out the texts being used by yourself. Many of Gothard's proof texts do not say what he says they do.
8. When many evangelical scholars take exception to someone's teaching, pay attention (many did).
9. When there are hints of immorality and money misuse or poor board oversight of a ministry - stay away (there were).
10. When there is a mechanistic answer to every problem, forget it. It is not how God works. 
11. When a ministry's workplace is toxic something is very, very wrong.

All of T.J. Addington's books including his latest, Deep Influence,  are available from the author for the lowest prices and a $2.00 per book discount on orders of ten or more.

When leaders get irritated

It happens to anyone who leads. I don't need to go into the causes as there can be many. The question is how does one handle the irritation with ones staff? It may seem like an elementary question but it actually is not as our response can help or hinder our leadership. It is why careless leaders lose unnecessary coinage with staff because they do not moderate their responses appropriately. 

Leaders have a higher responsibility to moderate their emotions and responses than others. The best leaders choose carefully how and when to respond to irritating events and modulate their emotions with care. The control of our emotions is designed to get us the best result rather than to vent in ways that are unhelpful. Leaders who are careless with their responses and emotions often hurt people unnecessarily (especially true with emails).

There are many times when leaders choose to keep their irritation to themselves and seek to solve the issue without revealing their emotions. There is often no need for staff to know our irritation if it is not necessary. Every time we reveal irritation we use and often lose coinage with staff.

There are a few instances where leaders intentionally choose to reveal their irritation, strong feelings or appropriate anger in order to make a significant point. There are times and events that require strong reaction because the issue at hand is critical to the organization. Especially when a key value of the organization has been violated.

The issue is whether leaders have the ability to modulate their emotions and often keep their emotions to themselves. And, to use their emotions in a productive manner rather than allowing them to be used unproductively. 

(Written from Berlin, Germany)

Can the Gospel impact whole cities?

The answer is yes! We know because God has done it before and I am confident he will do it again (I hope many times over) in our day. I remember growing up in Hong Kong where the Gospel was not well known in the sixties. Today it would be hard to live there without being touched by the love of Jesus in some way as over the years the Gospel has flourished and grown and the church has been deeply active in the life of the city. Much the same can be said for Singapore.

Today I am attending a conference for Together for Berlin, a coalition of ministries committed to reaching Berlin with the Gospel. ReachGlobal participates heavily in this effort. Together we would like to see a transformational Gospel presence in every one of Berlin's 100 distinct neighborhoods. Together, across ethnic (there are some 200 ethnic churches in Berlin), denominational and country lines we want to see the name of Jesus become well known and His reputation lifted high. And that in a city that is today one of the most secular but influential cities on the planet. 

Can it happen? Through the presence of the Holy Spirit and the power of the Gospel it can. And I believe it will because God has laid a similar burden on the hearts of so many Christians in this city and when God's people live and work in unity (John 17) God can work powerfully. Powerful ministry comes out of God's people putting aside their less important differences for the cause of the Gospel and the name of Jesus. They have kingdom hearts like Jesus not provincial and small hearts like many others. 

In the room with me are people from all over the world who now live in Berlin. They are very different and their faith expressions are also varied. The music this morning comes from a Romanian church in Berlin of 600, one of the largest churches in the city. Many different people, different churches, but they are of one mind when it comes to reaching this city with the love and transformation of Jesus. The unity of His people is a sign of His presence. Jesus said so! And it is evident in Berlin!

What about your city? Is there an effort among God's people to come together for the cause of the Gospel? I watched it happen in my home city, Hong Kong. I am watching it happen in Berlin and in ReachGlobal we are praying for some 100 such places world wide. I know of a number of cities where such efforts are underway and it always starts when God's people come together in unity around the Gospel. What unites us as evangelical believers is far more powerful than what divides us.

(Written from Berlin, Germany)

Desperation

I just arrived in Berlin for two and a half weeks of meetings and discovered when I checked into my room that my phone was missing. Immediately there was this feeling of desperation. All my contacts, my best way to communicate, the one thing that is never more than a few feet from me at any time and somehow it has become separated. 

It got me to thinking! What if we were as desperate for the company of the Holy Spirit in our day as we are for that little piece of technology that has become so dear to our lives and which we cannot do without. I think that is the point of John 15 where Jesus says I am the vine and you are the branches and whoever remains in me and I in them will bear much fruit.

I know that I can exist without my phone. I know I cannot exist without the presence of the Holy Spirit. If only we were as concerned about Him as we were about those things that make our life manageable on the technology side. A good lesson learned. Now I hope I can still locate that piece of technology!

(Written from Berlin, Germany)

Pray for those in Ukraine: A missionary's perspective

Comments from a ReachGlobal staff member

It’s now after 5 am in Ukraine on March 4.  Before I go to sleep tonight in the US, I’ll scour international news sites and Facebook with friends from Ukraine, looking for friends and ministry partners who may be on Skype at this early hour (for them) to see what happened with the ultimatum presented by the Russian government for Ukrainians to abandon their posts in Crimea or face the consequences and wrath of the Russian Army.

 It is surreal to live in and love the country that is the headline of every international newscast.  News changes so quickly that I’m often hesitant to post or make requests too specific.  That said, I would like to suggest ways we can pray together:

 Just as God held back vast armies numerous times in The Old Testament, we have seen God hold back the immense Russian Army and opposition in Ukraine.  Please pray with us that God will grant peace throughout Ukraine.  We are dependent on him for his intervention.

Amid the conflict in Kiev, there has been a prayer tent where people of numerous denominations have gathered together and stood to intercede for unity and peace.  Please pray with us that this unity of believers will continue long beyond this conflict.

Pray for war to be completely avoided in all areas of Ukraine.

We know from biblical accounts and personal experience that we serve a God of restoration and miracles.  Pray that He changes and directs the hearts of opposition leaders.

Pray for wisdom as the new government in Ukraine leads.  The new Prime Minister is a former Baptist Pastor.  Pray that he will hear and heed God’s voice.

We place our hope in God.  We recognize that He uses nations and leaders to accomplish His will.  Thank God for His sovereignty.

Often when the things that we put temporary hope in are stripped away, we see people search for answers.  Pray that Ukrainians will continue to turn to God for eternal hope and answers.

The best leaders are purveyors of hope

Our world is full of people who will see the down side of every situation even if there is none to be found. Whether it is the weather, the economy (OK so that one might be valid), ministry opportunities or life situations, many live with a degree of pessimism.

Good leaders, however, cannot live where many others may live for leaders are purveyors of hope. Not out of blind optimism. They are deeply realistic about the situations they face. But they also believe that the mission God has given them can and will be accomplished and they are committed to finding a way to go through, over, under or around barriers and obstacles. They are women and men of resolve.

Hope and vision are deeply connected because vision is not possible without the hope (and resolve) to get there.

Being a purveyor of hope actually starts with the ability to articulate a clear, compelling direction and picture of where a team or organization is going. Optimism without a clear picture of the preferred future will not motivate bright people. They might like the optimism but they will ask what its all about!

It also includes the ability to help staff know what their part in that picture is and to empower them to contribute to the goal. Staff want a piece of the action and a sense of empowerment instead of control and micromanagement. Good leaders are encourages and hold their staff to the same high expectations as they do themselves.

When times are tough, it is leaders who keep hope alive by helping the team figure out how to creatively deal with the challenges they face. Many ministries today are faced with severe financial constraints - or soon will be. Leaders are responsible to give their people the hope that they will find a way through. A large part of that is helping figure out how to manage with less while still keeping every one's eyes on the goal.

Even when hard decisions need to be made, the willingness to make those decisions for the health of the organization is a hopeful sign for staff. Knowing that their leaders are willing to do what is best for the organization (compassionately but proactively) gives staff confidence that the organization will prevail, in spite of the challenges that are faced.

Here is an interesting observation. Being a purveyor of hope does not mean that one is a raving extrovert or necessarily overtly optimistic. It does mean that one has great resolve and that resolve to succeed gives the team or organization confidence that the ministry they give themselves to will prevail and make a difference.

The cards we are dealt

Two things I know: I know that life is not fair and I know that God always is.

We see evidence of the first truth every day: illness, job loss, unfair circumstances, just the plain stuff of life that is not always pleasant or desired.

All of us are dealt a set of cards in our lives, and sometimes the hand is not what we signed up for. Those are the situations that cause discouragement, fatigue, disappointment, depression and anxiety.

If all we had were the first truth, (and that is all most people in our world have) life would be most discouraging. But, we know that God is fair, He is good, and He loves to redeem the unfairness of life for His greater purposes in our lives. In fact, speaking of God's goodness and fairness, there is nothing in us that deserves His attention to our lives in any way. The question is not why God allows some situation in our lives but why He deeply cares for us when it occurs. 

Think of the cards you have been dealt, the good ones and the hard ones. And then consider Peter's words: "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed (1 Peter 1:6-7).

What is interesting about Peter's words is that God has a higher purpose for our lives than our comfort. More important than our comfort is the quality, strength and development of our faith - and faith is developed when we are at the end of ourselves and must turn to Him in our need. For the Christ follower there is nothing more important than faith and trust in the Father and it is our trials that grow our faith quotient.

But even that is overshadowed by our ultimate goal which is to result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Our faith, our response to the issues of life results in praise, glory and honor as others around us watch us handle the unfairness of life with genuine trust in our loving God. Our ultimate mission in life, after all is to make the father look good and the son well known.

We do that when we allow the unfairness and discouragements of life to be forged into cutting edge faith and in doing so we overcome the cards we have been dealt with the strong, tempered alloy of faith which brings great glory, praise and honor to God.

Understood in this light, each bad hand we are dealt becomes an opportunity to grow and to bring glory, praise and honor to God. It all depends on how we view life and its ultimate purpose. The shallow view is that life is about me. The grander view is that life is about God and how He wants to use me to bring glory, honor and praise to Him. How we view life and its ultimate purpose will determine how we respond to the cards we have been dealt.

If the cards in your hand today look unfavorable to you remember this truth. In the end you have the winning hand for God always has the last word.

Pray for Venezuela. See this YouTube video of what is largely unreported

Video of the current desperate situation in Venezuela

When people leave your church

OK lets face it. It hurts when people leave the church we pastor. We take it personally and in most cases should not. We forget that individual circumstances and needs vary and we cannot meet them all no matter how hard we try. In fact, if we were in the pew, rather than in the pulpit, we might leave too - depending on our circumstances.

I am not advocating a culture of moving from church to church. And frankly it is not the movers that cause us angst but those who have been with us for a long season. It is their leaving that hurts. But think about this:

If they leave because they are unhappy with us as the pastor, why did we assume that we could please all those who come? If we have had an influence in their lives that is good and will pay off for the rest of their lives. If their needs change or their stage of life changes, how can we be unhappy that they need a change? Often the issue is more about us than it is about them. 

If they leave because because of unresolved issues with us then we need to do all we can to resolve those issues. It may be painful but it can be redemptive and instructional for us. If our actions, attitudes or words have caused pain it is good for us to hear that and to learn from it. It is not about trying to convince them to come back but rather making peace and learning from it.

I think the most painful situations are when many people leave and it is then that we need to sit up and take notice. Why are they leaving and what have we missed, if anything that has caused their leaving? Sometimes it is because we and the leaders have made intentional changes that we are committed to and we will be sad but realistic with the leaving. Other times, it is because we have been unwise in our actions and it is a reaction to our decisions. 

Understanding the reasons is the important thing. If we need to learn from them we should. If we and our leaders are committed to a course of action that is right in the long run we need to take the hit in the short run. This is all about understanding the reasons and being willing to incur the cost when renovation or change is necessary.

Sometimes it is necessary for disaffected people to leave a church so that the church can move forward with greater health and missionality. Sometimes we push people out for unhealthy reasons.

When people leave, understand the reasons!

Leadership by stealth

The best leadership is transparent and out in the open. People know where the leader is taking them and why. The leadership agenda is clearly articulated and people are invited to join the leader in moving toward a specific vision and goal. 

On occasion I encounter a very different kind of leadership - stealth leadership. This style infects some pastors who have an agenda for the church they serve which is not stated up front, is contrary to the direction the church has been going and is essentially a leadership hijack where the congregation, board and even most of the staff are unaware of the intentions of the leader. They have an agenda but they are not sharing that agenda. It is leadership by stealth and it is fundamentally dishonest.

The dishonesty is in the lack of honest disclosure as to what their intentions are, not the direction itself which may be good or unhelpful. Leadership by stealth creates confusion and uncertainty because the leader is moving in directions and making decisions that are not clearly stated so the agenda cannot be debated. Rather people are left with observing the actions of the leader and wondering what the agenda actually is. 

In addition, the leader may bring a few key allies into their orbit and share their agenda with them which - if they are staff or board members - creates additional confusion and division since some key people know the intentions of the leader while others do not. And, when a discussion of the direction does come up, the allies defend the leaders actions and there is no dialogue with them either. In other words, leadership by stealth is not only dishonest (because it is not stated up front and transparent) but confusing and decisive. 

When other individuals challenge the leader's direction they are in a tough spot because while they can see the problematic decisions the leader is making they cannot debate the overall agenda since it is not stated. 

Healthy leaders do not lead by stealth. They are clear on where they desire to go and why and are open to discussing their direction with leadership, staff and congregations. If you are in a situation where you have a leader who is leading by stealth it is worth a conversation to clarify intentions, direction and get it on the table so that it can be discussed and debated. You cannot debate what you don't know.

Relational laziness

I am sure we are all guilty at one time or another and it can be with our spouse, family, colleagues, staff or even significant friends - relational laziness. It is when we start taking others for granted or simply don't put the investment into what are for us important relationships. These are the most important investments we could ever make and when we become lazy and don't pay attention we hurt the relationship and ultimately ourselves.

Those of us who are married know that it takes care and effort to keep the relationship sharp and vibrant. It is not always convenient but it is always important. How many couples wake up one day to a stranger next to them in the bed and wonder how they got there. Somewhere along the line, relational laziness set in!

It is just as significant at work where our relational equity with colleagues and staff is absolutely critical to achieving what we need to accomplish and what we need to do together. Leaders who become lazy in this department lose their staff and their ability to lead well if at all. When we allow other key work relationships to go stale our needed coinage, trust and cooperation may also evaporate.

Consider making a written list of the important relationships in your life and periodically take a look at them and ask the question: "Am I doing what I need to do to nurture the relationship or have I dropped the ball?" Apart from our relationship with our heavenly father, our key relationships are everything! When we become too busy for them or lazy in nurturing them it is always to our detriment. 

Maybe this is the day to affirm an important relationship in your life.

My view of the church: Irrational optimism and deep realism

As one who serves the global church and has worked with hundreds of churches, some healthy, some not I have seen almost everything. It would be easy to become cynical or discouraged by the range of issues, problems and challenges. 

In spite of all of its flaws I have an irrational optimism for the church: Not because of how well we do but because the Holy Spirit is present and the church is His Bride that He intents to purify for the bridegroom on His return. And it is God's chosen instrument to reach the world and to make disciples. In spite of all of its flaws it is a divine institution with a divine mandate empowered by divine power. We may give  up on the church but Jesus never will!

That does not mean that I am not deeply realistic! God's people have an unlimited capacity for getting in the way of what God wants to do in His church. We rely on ourselves instead of Him; we allow what is to be missional to become institutional; we often lead poorly; live in disunity rather than unity and hurt the very people that are part of our family. 

Yet God remains patient, forgiving and continues to send His Holy Spirit to empower us whenever we ask! He cares deeply for His bride and will never abandon it. It's flaws do not reflect Him but rather us in every respect. And if we are the cause of its dysfunctions we ought to become the agents of its health and vitality. 

In whatever capacity we serve, every one of us either contributes to a healthy or unhealthy church. While leadership matters - a lot - the truth is that each of us influences the health of the Bride. The church has many critics. It needs many advocates. Which role do you play? While I am sure the heart of Jesus is saddened by much of what we do and don't do in the church He does not abandon it. He gave His life for it (for us) and we in return ought to love what He loves and be an advocate for what He is committed to.

Thus my deep realism but also my irrational optimism! Realism about us, optimism about God. And ultimately, He is the head of the church!

Choosing a healthy path even when others don't

Many people work in organizations that have significant issues, or attend churches with the same. Welcome to our world which made up of people is highly imperfect. While I wish we all were in healthy workplaces or churches we are not. That being said, we always have a choice: Do I contribute to dysfunction or to health?

The issue is not whether there will be dysfunction in my church or place of work - that is a fact of life. The issue is whether I will deliberately and consistently choose healthy attitudes and practices in spite of what others around me are doing. That is my choice!

Truly healthy individuals simply choose a healthy path even when others don't.

Think about the choices we have:

• I choose whether I get pulled into other people's stuff or avoid triangulation.
• I choose whether I engage in gossip and the putting down of others or choose only to speak well of others.
• I choose whether I keep short accounts in relationships or allow bitterness and conflict to fester unresolved.
• I choose whether I am honest and transparent while still being diplomatic and kind or whether I am cynical and angry.
• I choose whether I live with personal integrity or skirt the edges.

The powerful common denominator in all this is that we always have a choice. No matter how dysfunctional our surroundings we always have a choice. That is empowering to us and powerful in its influence with others.

It is also very freeing. Getting wrapped up in bad attitudes, unhappiness, emotional triangles, unresolved conflict are all massive energy wasters and bondage makers. Choosing a healthy path is freeing. It is also a quiet but powerful influence for health when things are not healthy.

We have far more power over our circumstances and attitudes than we often think. And more influence than we know if we will choose a healthy path even when others don't!

That individual is really odd!

Most churches have them. Odd people. Socially awkward, little self awareness and once they latch on to you it may take another to rescue you from a conversation that has no end.

I meet them often because they like to speak to the one who delivered the message. They always have something to say even if it is not immediately evident as to what their point is.

It is easy to dismiss them. But remember! Jesus never did. They are made in His image no less than me or you. And the thing about the church is that at the foot of the cross we are all equal.

The test of our love is not how we love those that are easy to love or that are like us. It is how we love those who may be harder to love from a human standpoint. 

Jesus attracts misfits and the needy! It is who He is because with Him everyone is important, everyone who desires it finds acceptance and grace. The question is whether we accept and love those he accepts and loves. He attracts those the world rejects - for whatever reason. 

If the one place some folks find dignity and love and acceptance is the church - that is as it should be. Truth is, we are all odd in one way or another. Thankfully it does not matter to Christ.